...making Linux just a little more fun!

<-- prev | next -->

Return of the Linux Laundrette

By Jimmy O'Regan

(?)Admins swearing
(?)Possible for "funny things that happen with computers"
(?)cardboard box inventor
(?)More scummy spam for the "Not Linux" column
(?)world's most trusted antivirus solution.*
(?)cat /dev/input/mouse
(?)SCO vs Linux
(?)ms dos
(?)Funny thing...
(?).sig standards
(?)Foolish things
(?)Re: [TAG] New York Guide to Benefits and Savings
(?)Re: [LG 87] help wanted #4
(?)[TAG-ADMIN] Issue78: WM talkback -- edit out?
(?)New Jersey
(?)Microsoft toilet - where would you like to go today?
(?)RE: [TAG] Saddam dies of panic attack using linux!
(?)Linus interview
(?)Dirty words in the kernel
(?)Re: Puter Types
(?)Possible strange things we do with our computers
(?)(no subject)
(?)RE: [TAG] Miller-Daemon
(?)Iraq-related Irony
(?)Fly fishing
(?)A "Microsoft" security update
(?)[Lgang] /sbin/ping -c 1 lgang
(?)[spam] Best offer of the year
(?)Japanese spam
(?)Ginger beer
(?)linux baby clothes?
(?)MS plans competition for Google
(?)2 Cent Tips & Tricks: Optimizing ~/.bash_history

(?) Admins swearing

From Ben

"When your Sysadmin gets angry, he does not stand around blinking nervously - instead he swears at you... in binary."
Heh. Kinda reminds me of something from Asimov's "Foundation" series. It's been a mort of years since I read it, so it's probably misquoted, but -
"...for there is a characteristic of curses pronounced by those who are versed in technology: they work."

(?) Possible for "funny things that happen with computers"

From Kapil

OK. So this is not a "Linux question" but its funny what can happen when people put their trust in that other OS!

Crashed Computer Traps Thai Politician Updated 14 May 2003 http://aardvark.co.nz/daily/2003/n051301.shtml

Thailand's Finance Minister Suchart Jaovisidha had to be rescued today from inside his expensive BMW limousine after the onboard computer crashed, leaving the vehicle immobilized.

Once the computer failed, neither the door locks, power windows nor air conditioning systems would function, leaving the Minister and his driver trapped inside the rapidly heating vehicle.

Despite the pair's best efforts, it took a full ten minutes before they were able to summon the attention of a nearby guard who freed the two men by smashing one of the vehicle's windows with a sledgehammer.

A report (http://www.bangkokpost.com/Business/13May2003_biz12.html) published in the Bangkok Post indicates that the vehicle was Mr Jaovisidha's own BMW 520 which was being used while his state-supplied Mercedes was being repaired.

BMW's more up-market 7-series range uses a computer system called i-drive which has Microsoft's WindowsCE at its core (http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/press/2002/Mar02/03-04BMWpr.asp).

Did Mr Jaovisidha narrowly miss being killed by the blue windscreen of death?

(?) cardboard box inventor

From Club Golf

Inventor of the Cardboard Box

(!) [Jimmy] This was in issue 52 - http://linuxgazette.net/issue52/tag/22.html
(?) I am reliably informed a Scotsman by the name of Cuthbertson invented the cardboard box and took the invention to the USA and made a fortune. I don't know how long ago, but it was a long time ago. Cuthbertson was an eccentric and his dying wish was to be stuffed and sat on a chair in his house, which was granted. When the law eventually changed he was buried. This story comes from a distant relative of Cuthbertson, who lives here in Scotland.
Bill Godfrey
(!) [Jimmy] A google search says the cardboard box was invented in Britain in 1817, but has no mention of a name; the corrugated cardboard box seems to have been invented later by Robert Gair.

(?) More scummy spam for the "Not Linux" column

From Ben

It's just like Mike always suspected. The gubmint is after me. Is it time for the suicide pill yet, or can I elude them a little longer?...
From: FBI <womaqakup@lobbyist.com>
To: Ben <ben@callahans.org>
Reply-To: FBI <womaqakup@lobbyist.com>
Sender: FBI <womaqakup@lobbyist.com>
Subject: Ben... You are suspected in several crimes.
Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 16:19:46 -0400 (EDT)

[-- Autoview using /usr/bin/w3m -dump -T text/html "/tmp/mutt.html" --]
Hello, dear Ben!
You are suspected in several crimes, which are not heavy ones, but they are
delinquencies. We believe you would like to read it here. Please it take into


(?) world's most trusted antivirus solution.*

From a_real2@angelfire.com

On Thu, 7 Aug 2003 23:41:55 +0900 a_real2@angelfire.com wrote:

(?) You are receiving this email as a warning. the most common viruses are transmitted and installed behind the scenes while you're on the internet! All emails are scanned automatically with Norton Antivirus!

(!) [Jason] Oh wow! I don't have to wait for someone to email me a virus: They'll be transmitted and install behind the scenes while I'm on the internet! Woohoo!
(!) [Thomas] Hmm, you mean to say that you *aren't* running MS-Windows, Jason? And that the virus cannot understand why it cannot find the registry? Oh, how inconsiderate of you to be running Linux.
(?) btw, you look great today.
(!) [Jason] Thanks, you too.
(!) [Thomas] I look rather fine, too.
(!) [Jason] Oh, wait, this is email, we have no way of know what the other person looks like.
It was a nice thought anyway.
Jason, oh come on -- all of you have to do is "cat this_email > /dev/null" and then use your imagination :)
(!) [Jason] Okay, I did that. Then a
~$ display /dev/null
and to my surpise, there he was! A short little man in a blue robe with a long white beard, holding a stick (or a wand perhaps?) pointing at some red letters: "Image Magick". It's amazing! :)

(?) cat /dev/input/mouse

From IRC, 1st December

*       editorgal giggles
<editorgal>     the effects of: cat /dev/input/mice
<jimregan>      *groan*
<editorgal>     [user has to intervene with ^c. this is not news to pet owners.]
<jimregan>      Yeah. You get shit all over the place if you don't
<editorgal>     I was thinking mouse bones, but yes.

(?) SCO vs Linux

From Jimmy O'Regan

This is the best take I've seen on this... SCO vs Linux, portrayed by the Dukes of Hazzard http://www.arie.org/doh

(?) ms dos

From Scateboarder2003

i have windows xp how do i delete the entire drive so i can re install it
(!) [Dan Wilder] I'd suggest immersing it in nitric acid.
(!) [Jimmy] Has someone been reading BOFH recently? :)
(!) [Dan Wilder] Hee, hee, hee!! I needed that. It's been a difficult day. I was drinking green tea when I read that and I almost sprayed my keyboard when I started laughing!
(!) [Jimmy] Pffft. You people need to invest: http://www.cashregisterman.com/buywet.htm
(!) [Ben]
Nah. Keyboard condoms have been around forever, but a good C|N>K is worth a thousand words.
(!) [Jimmy] ...mostly of the four letter variety.

(?) Funny thing...

From Ben

Maybe it's just my sense of humor, but - I was just reading the documentation for "dns-hijacker" and ran across this:
Inspired by an idea I came up with while sitting on the john I set out to write a program that would sniff
Excuse me???
dns requests and spoof answers. 800 lines of code and 25 hours later I had given birth
Uh-huh. This was still on the john, I guess.
to dnshijacker.
Talk about the need to write better documentation... man!
(!) [Jimmy] Maybe this person was confused by a suggestion to include more details :)
(!) [Ben] "Captain Vimes, this herewith is the chronicle of me, Lance-Constable Cvddy. Bright was the morning and high ovr hearts when we proceeded to the Alchemists' Guild, where events eventvated as I shall now sing. These inclvded exploding balls. As to the qvest upon which we were sent..."
-- from a police report by Constable Cuddy, Ankh-Morpork Night Watch (Terry Pratchett's "Men at Arms")

(?) .sig standards

From mind wings

plz tell me about sendmail in redhat linux. eventhough i visited so many sites,i couldn't understand. u plz tell me fo r what we r using it? tell me any useful web sites.
(!) [Faber]
(What? He said *any*!)
(!) [Ben]
"2B r !2B: tht's d ?:
whthr 'tis noblr in d mind 2 suffr
d slngs&arrws of outrgs for2n,
r 2 tk rms gnst a C of trbls,
& by oppsng . m?
2die: 2slp;
-- "Hmlt", by !Shkspr
(!) [Jason] LOL!!!
(!) [Jimmy] U spk txt 2? Ur mult tlntd!
(!) [Rick] <pedant> It's actually "-- ", you know. That trailing space, as troublesome as it is on account of being invisible in that context, is a vital part of the .sig standard. </pedant>
(!) [Jay] <pedant level="even_worse" motivation="showing_off"> It's actually "<EOL>-- <EOL>".
Cause, y'know, it's gotta be on it's own line: <EOL>-- jra<EOL> (to use an example near and dear to my heart) doesn't count.
I'm not sure if EOL is specifically defined as the network version (CRLF), or if the native version on your platform is acceptable; the nearest thing to a standard on this particular issue is son-of-1036 (http://www.chemie.fu-berlin.de/outerspace/netnews/son-of-1036.html) and it doesn't say. :-) </pedant>
(!) [Jason] Oh yeah. Here's a handy regex to match .sig standard compliant sig blocks:
(!) [Jimmy] Back to the Obfuscated Regex, eh?
(!) [Jimmy] Hmmm... last year in Linux Format (UK) they printed a rant by one of their opinion people about the KMail FAQ saying that this was a standard when it's actually a best practises recommendation.
(!) [Rick] There's a lot of spilled virtual ink over Internet "standards". Depending on who's talking, it encompasses only adopted RFCs, or includes drafts and standards-track (proposed) RFCs such as Son of RFC 1036 (to which you refer).
Several key DNS protocols are of that sort: The IETF NOTIFY and IXFR protocols, outgoing AXFR, DNSSEC, TSIG, A6, DNAME, bitstring labels, Dynamic DNS, and IXFR are not yet enshrined in any adopted RFC. However, in DNS as elsewhere in the real world, standards documents most often get abstracted from in-use software; the RFCs merely codify (and thus lag) the implementations that gave rise to them.
Son of RFC 1036 is just such a standard, in that it's widely implemented and relied upon. Not implementing its .signature spec is legitimately considered a bad thing. (Fortunately, consequences are minimal: Recipients whose MUAs auto-snip .signatures may flame you for sabotaging their filters. Otherwise, no big deal.)
(!) [Ben] Thank you for participating in the Rdculsly Unrdbl Bdly Brkn Incmprhnsbl nglSH contest (RUBBISH). If you were trying to reach the Linux Answer Gang which also receives its mail at this address, your query needs to be rephrased in readable English, since all RUBBISH email is immediately sent to the RUBBISH bin. Tnx 4 wrtng & hv a nce dy!
(!) [Rick]
I dobt tht I shl 3vr C A poem cryptic as this'un be. Tho seldom does the Muse giv geekz a whirl, Could be worse; at least it's not in Perl.
(!) [Ben]

$brillig and $toves{slithy};
for $gyre ( @wabe ) {}  for $gimble ( @wabe ) {}
map { s/^.*$/mimsy/g } @borogoves
and $mome{raths} = outgrabe;

if(my $son = fork) { warn "Beware the Jabberwock!";
jaws && bite, claws && catch;
warn "Beware the Jubjub bird" and $shun,
$Bandersnatch{frumious} == 1;   }else{

$_{hand} = \$sword{vorpal};
seek FOE, $manxome, (4_294_967_296 * time);
sleep ($tree{Tumtum} = $_);
while (study) { stand }

while (study($uffish)) { $_{stand} == 1; }
unless ($Jabberwock = fork) { $Jabberwock{eyes} = flame,
$Jabberwock{movement} = wiffle, $Jabberwock{location} = $wood{tulgey};
while ($coming=1) { burble }}

(1, 2), (1, 2) and through and through;
$sword{vorpal}{blade} = snicker-snack;
(kill 9, $Jabberwock), $head = (chop $Jabberwock);
sub{ return $_, $head  }; }

tell $son, "And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?".
"Come to my arms, my beamish boy!   ".
"O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!   ",
$_{joy} = chortle   if $son;

$brillig and $toves{slithy};
for $gyre ( @wabe ) {}  for $gimble ( @wabe ) {}
map { s/^.*$/mimsy/g } @borogoves
and $mome{raths} = outgrabe;
 -- Eric Andreychek
(!) [Jason] Hmmm.....
$ file /dev/rubbish
rubbish: symbolic link to /dev/null
(!) [Ben] <grin> Had an inspiration the other day prompted by (I think it was) a post in a froup. Now it resides comfortably in my .vimrc as "_leet".
(!) [Heather] In my case these little tidbits go into ~/sig/sQuotes, if small enough to be considered for a sigblock. Fortune formatted, of course ;D
Once had a local LUG member comment that my sigblocks weren't really sigs, since I nearly always select the quote to go with the content (on that list). Thus he defended me against some knucklehead who was running around flaming people who didn't use '--' on a single line ahead of their sigblocks.
This one's longer than usual, but I've got a couple such in there. I passed the RUBBISH comment and the jabberscripty to Mike for the backpage, teehee.

(?) Foolish things

From Jimmy O'Regan

"I went into the basement where I keep my cave (this is a male shelter from all things female... all men have them somewhere)"
Heh. So we're troglodytes?
(!) [Ben] Only when you're truly in touch with your essential masculine nature. Painting your face with woad and ochre mud is optional but highly recommended; pounding a drum made from the skin you've personally peeled off a lion and howling discordantly, however, is a requirement. If you don't, you won't get invited to the meetings of the Men Who Run The World and form the Patriarchy - you know, the ones who wield all the power.
(I guess that's why nobody's invited me...)

(?) Heather, care to comment?

(!) [Ben] [shrug] She doesn't get invited to the meetings either, so there's not much point in asking her. I mean, girls, yuck! [1]
[1] As I've mentioned to Mike Orr previously, "irony" does not mean "sort of like iron". Anyone who wants to go into paroxysms of righeous indignation and spasms of political correctness is warned that I possess The Mighty Yawn of Boredom and am not afraid to use it.

(?) Erudition

From Ghanshyam Daga

(?) Hello People

(!) [Ben] Hello, Person.


I have one 2 GB hard disk on which i installed

Mandrake 8.0.

Though the whole installation went quite fine but as i

suspected there were few bad blocks and now they are giving me problem is there any way to get rid of these blocks i do realise that these bad blocks are permanent but i also have a logic what if the data is never written on them so even though they are bad i dont have to worry about them.

(!) [Ben] You've been reading entirely too much Faulkner, I see.
<Hemingway mode>You. Yes, you. Punctuation. Use it. Now.</Hm>
(!) [Faber] rotfl!
i love (unix|linux) geeks. i've never found the same level of erudition in the w*ndows world.
(!) [Ben] Speaking of erudition - realize what this says about you, Faber. You recognized it. Takes one to know one, I guess. :)
Besides, just think of all those "Wind*ws for Dummies" books. Did you think they'd lie about something like that?
(!) [Sluggo] Hemingway of the Run-On Sentance? Hemingway with an allergy to commas before "and"?
(!) [Ben]
Hemingway of the "Great Gatsby" and "For Whom The Bell Tolls", rather than "The Old Man and The Sea" or "Farewell to Arms". I don't know that I could ever accuse him of "run-on" sentences, although he certainly broke out of the short'n'choppy mold a number of times. I understand about "geniuses break rules by redefining them", but some people push the borders a little too much. As to the comma allergy... blechh. That's one of the things that bugs me when I see it in writing. I've always found Hemingway annoying but good enough that I can usually get past the annoyance.
"I want to thank my parents, Ayn Rand and God".
 -- illustrating the power of the serial comma
Speaking of - for run-on sentences, you want Faulkner and Ayn Rand. Counterpointcontrariwise :), there's the Zelazny disease, where. Every. Word. Becomes. A. Sentence. YEEEK. <shivers>
(!) [JimD]
... uh ... The Great Gatsby was F. Scott Fitzgerald. (or am I missing some other great Gatsby)?
(!) [Ben] Gaaah. Comes of thinking "style" before "writer". I meant something different, can't think of what at the moment... but see, oh, "The End of Something", any of those "inner struggle" things that made him so famous. Again, I don't want to sound like I'm overly critical of the man - he could be absolutely brilliant in his terseness.
'The Age Demanded'

 The age demanded that we sing
 And cut away our tongue.

 The age demanded that we flow
 And hammered in the bung.

 The age demanded that we dance
 And jammed us into iron pants.

 And in the end the age was handed
 The sort of shit that it demanded.

 -- Ernest Hemingway
That kind of talent and craftsmanship, my friends, is something I have to respect.

(?) Re: [TAG] New York Guide to Benefits and Savings

From Huibert Alblas

On Mon, 24 Feb 2003 19:36:43 -0500 "Benefits & Savings" <benefits_savings@hotmail.com> wrote:

Dear Friend,

We would like to invite you to www.SmartNewYorker.com .

(!) [Halb] SNIP
(?) Our Free Arcade is ranked the best on the net. With all your favorite games. No Downloads necessary. Play from work or at home. You can Listen to Free online streaming music right from your desk top. From Hip Hop to Country & Classical to Rock. Video from all your favorite artists.
The best on the 'net, huh? With no download necessary? Is there some method of getting data from point a to point b other than download that I don't know about? Maybe the TFTP? (Telepathic File Transfer Protocol)
(!) [Halb] <butthead mode> Dude, if it's like File Transfer Stuff, and so, even if it is Telepatic it's still a download. uhh,uuh, down_load uhhh,uuhhhhuu! </butthead mode>

(?) Re: [LG 87] help wanted #4

(!) [Ben] Sorry, nobody here named "ur". And wouldn't it be "Ur's", anyway? :)
(!) [Jason] I'm here at the scene of the alleged riot. Appearently, a member of the Grammar Police, one Mr. Benjamin Okopnik, opened fire on the crowd with his grammer gun. To his credit, eye wittnesses report he attach a "smiley-face", but, as he allegedly said, "Some people can't take a joke". Many bystanders sided with Mr. Okopnik. One said, "Ending sentences in a prepistion is something up with which I will not put! Mr.Okopnik was doing his duty".
Wether Mr. Okopnik was merely "doing his duty" is up the investigation, which is allegedly going to start later this week. For LUNX, this is Jason Creightion. Back to the studio, for your weather report.
(!) [Ben]
> I'm here at the scene of the alleged riot. Appearently, a member of the Grammar
> Police, one Mr. Benjamin Okopnik, opened fire on the crowd with his grammer gun.

-> post re grammar joke
You post a humorous description of a joke made by another TAG member.
However, due to the incorrect description of the situation (it was
actually a remark about gratuitous usage of slang rather than grammar),
the weapon allegedly used in the attack slowly turns in your direction.

> To his credit, eye wittnesses report he attach a "smiley-face", but, as he
                    ^  ^                        ^
                    |  |                        |
->run away
As you attempt to leave the scene, you accidentally drop several
grammatical errors in your haste. You hear the sound of a bolt being
raked back, then locking into battery...

> allegedly said, "Some people can't take a joke". Many bystanders sided with Mr.
> Okopnik. One said, "Ending sentences in a prepistion is something up with which
                                                ^ ^
                                                | |

->duck, dodge, avoid bullets
You attempt to hide from just retribution, but all is in vain. To your
horror, you realize that the brick wall you've ducked behind is nothing
more than a carboard movie prop, and that there's no effective cover
within hundreds of yards.

> I will not put! Mr.Okopnik was doing his duty".
> Wether Mr. Okopnik was merely "doing his duty" is up the investigation, which is

> allegedly going to start later this week. For LUNX, this is Jason Creightion.

As you lie there twitching in your final agony, you hear the slow pace
of the man you've unjustly accused approaching you - a man who would
never (never!) hurt a fly - to administer the /coup de grace/.


> Back to the studio, for your weather report.

Your score is   3  out of a possible 100000000000000000000000000000.
Would you like to play again? <Y/n>

[smiley face elided due to deprecated local usage]
(!) [Jason] We here at LUNX radio are sad to report the death of one of our finest, Jason Creighton. "I'll never forgive myself!" sobbed one of his co-workers "I let him go out in the field without his spellchecker!".
Some of his friends had other feelings. "I get Mr. Okopnik, if it's the last thing I do. [Editors note: The misused tense on 'I' looks similar to Jason's typical mistakes.] Sure, maybe Jason had a few typos here and there, but nothing deserve this! [Editor's note: See deserve. One questions the authorship of these comments.]"
Mr. Okopnik was unavailable for comment.
Jason "ain't got no grammar" Creighton
(!) [Ben] <grin> Jason Creighton makes his debut in TAG. Ladies and gentlemen, could we please have a hand?...
(!) [Heather] Hey, look what I found lying around in this CVS repository. Did someone check in a Jason_Creighton? We'll just have to check this fellow out...
(!) [Ben] [ Knowing this place, somebody will throw a rubber hand.
(!) [Heather]
Of course not. Why would we do that? The rubber band gun is so handy here next to the nerf-arrows collextion; much easier to aim. Mind you the nerf-arrows would be somewhat more useful if one had some Nerf(tm) bows or crossbows to aim them with. But they are yellow, so they're perfect fro drawing smiley faces on the end of :)
(!) [Ben] Gotta warn ya, Jason - never say "the drinks are on me".
(!) [Heather] As for the drinks, Jason, we keep the beer in the TAG fridge (see the FAQ), the ginger beer in a back room for the editorial staff (see the tag-admin mailing list), and the pretzels and chips bowls reloaded by cron job. Tea and coffee available anytime.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled Answer Gnag.
(!) [Matthias]
Perhaps this list should be renamed to linux-questions-only-in-correct-grammar@ssc.com. :-)
(!) [Jason] If people post Windows questions anyway, do you really think people would care about correct grammar? :-)
(!) [Matthias] Hmm, as far as I understand it would change the sense of the mailing list:
linux-questions - only-in-correct-grammar windows-questions - we-don't-care-about-grammar-when-flaming-you-for-asking-silly-questions- about-so-called-operating-systems.

(?) [TAG-ADMIN] Issue78: WM talkback -- edit out?

From Thomas

[ ** The following was found at the following:



Subject: oil smell
From: dave whitt
Date: 14-Dec-2002 09:51

i have a 1996 4runner at times when i park i can smell
hot oil there are no leaks nowhere. the motor is
excellent clean. where could this be coming from. it
doesn't happen all the time. thanks

Please, please do not waste my time with pointless questions!!! This is not Linux specific (or LWM specific).
-- TA
(!) [Ben] Oh, c'mon, Thomas. You know what the answer is - the querent is running Wind*ws. It's only Linux that creates no muss, no fuss, and no greasy aftertaste.
(!) [Thomas] <I roll my eyes> Silly me!! That must be it.
(!) [Ben] Any 4runner of the latest version of the kernel should be upgraded - particularly if it goes as far back as 1996, even if the motor, I mean kernel is "excellent clean" (e.g., "make clean" was run before compilation.) The hot oil smell is the poor machine trying to get some work done and bogging down in warmfuzzy "Wind*ws Will Not Harm You, Little Human!" themes, automatic MSN installations, and "Wind*ws has detected that your wire-haired terrier has peed in the corner. Please wait while we download the appropriate 147.3Gb driver" messages.
(!) [Thomas] LOL....not to mention the classic BSOD "screensaver". I say screensaver -- it might as well now be synonymous with it :-)
(!) [Ben] What most people never realize is that it is a screensaver. I mean, who's going to believe that an operating system can actually *crash?* Who do they think they're kidding, anyway?
The only problem with the BSOD screensaver is that you have to enter the Micr*s*ft EULA in Linear B (don't forget the breathing marks) as the password...
(!) [Ben] <shrug> It was obvious, and I'm shocked - shocked, I tell you - that you tried to dodge answering such a simple, and above all relevant question.
(!) [Thomas] Oh, but, Ben -- when we team up like this.............
(!) [Ben] Tune in next week for our next thrilling episode of The Answer Gang, when Thomas and I explain the benefits of sharpening a chainsaw while it's running (the same precautions as for using Wind*ws apply [1], so it's absolutely safe! (Um, here - this tourniquet will help. Don't get any on my nice chainsaw.)
[1] Let someone else do it. Oh, wait - friends don't let friends sharpen running chainsaws...

(?) New Jersey

From Jose Avalis

Hi guys and thanks in advance fro your time. I'm Joe From Toronto.
(!) [Faber] Hi. I'm Faber in New Jersey.
(I didn't say "from New Jersey"; I'm not from here, I just live here!)
(!) [Ben]
#define HUMOR 1
if ( too_sensitive < 1 ) exit (1);
It's OK, Faber... really! Yes, ten - or even five - years ago, people would have laughed and pointed, but now we have a much more sensitive and open society. Why, some of my best friends are from New Jersey, and I'm not ashamed to admit it in public.
In fact, the entire category was recently removed from DSM-IV [1] as a diagnosis, and a number of states have even opened their borders to Jerseyites. So, stand proud, and speak loudly the motto of your home state:
"HEY, *^$#@^)&$%@$^ - GIVE ME BACK MY %^#&^$^*$@#%#@*$ WALLET!!!"
[1] The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Ed.
(!) [Rick] I didn't use to be from there, either, but I lived there, and learned to like it -- a lot.
However, in my first couple of weeks of college (some old mock-Gothic place in Mercer County), I got so tired of hearing "Hey, you're from California? Where's your surfboard?" that I started shooting back "You're from New Jersey? Where's your toxic waste dump?" Pretty soon, I fit right in. ;->

(?) Microsoft toilet - where would you like to go today?

From Ben

Date: Wed, 14 May 2003 09:53:32 -0700
From: "NewsScan" <newsscan@newsscan.com>
Subject: Microsoft toilet project wasn't hoax

Microsoft and its public relations firm are now saying that what they
themselves thought was a hoax (the development of the iLoo, a portable
toilet complete with wireless keyboard and Internet access) actually was a
real project of the company's MSN group in the UK. The original press
release indicated that the iLoo would offer its users "a unique experience."
An MSN product manager now says: " "We jumped the gun basically yesterday in
confirming that it was a hoax and in fact it was not," said Lisa Gurry, MSN
group product manager. "Definitely we're going to be taking a good look at
our communication processes internally. It's definitely not how we like to
do PR at Microsoft." In any event, whether really a hoax or really real, the
project is now dead -- flushed, as it were.  [AP/*USA Today*, 14 May 2003;
NewsScan Daily, 14 May 2003]

(?) RE: [TAG] Saddam dies of panic attack using linux!

From John R. Brown Jr.

Hi guys!
i hope the subject header got your attention ;) !
(!) [Jimmy] Yeah. Crass.

(?) ive got an interesting question.

(!) [Jimmy] If I had a penny for every time....

(?) ive been fooling around a lot with linux, i know most the basics i guess and now am getting more into the networking/security realm.

i understand how remote computers can attempt to access my computer through telnet, ssh, etc. say, for instance, i have telnet running on port 70. so if a person "telnet myserver 70" can log into my computer. say i get a request like "telnet myserver 78". how could i set up in linux so that my computer would echo with a message like "you cannot access this port fool!". would i have to create a program and then bind it to a port or something? not sure how this would work. i know how there are reserved ports set and stuff, just would like to fool around with these things.

(!) [Jimmy] Oooh, kudos! It is an interesting question :) You want Netcat. It's Good Stuff (tm). It should be in your distro, because it's widely recognised as being Good Stuff (tm). Try echo "You cannot access this port, fool"|nc -l -p 78 though you could do a lot more with it.

(?) hi, just wanted to give you a followup on this.

check this out: telnet

thanks for pointing me in the right direction!

(?) Linus interview

From Mike Orr

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/businesstechnology/2002059632_linus11.html Interview with Linus Torvalds, who has now moved to Portland, Oregon, and works for Open Source Development Labs.
(!) [Brian]
With a quote I pulled when I first saw the article a couple of days ago, it works well as a .sig for me ...
(!) [Sluggo] http://www.linuxtimes.net/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=145 Interview with Linus
http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=127078&threshold=1&commentsort=0&tid=106&mode=thread&cid=10624445 Slashdot copy.

(?) Dirty words in the kernel

From Sluggo

(!) [Brad] Mr. Sluggo,
(!) [Thomas] Heh. Mr. Sluggo. :)

(?) http://lwn.net/Articles/99240 A grep of dirty words in Linux

(!) [Brad] I do this sometimes for laughs.
(!) [Thomas] Heh.

(?) Re: Puter Types

From MMMLioness

(!) [Heather] If you can't tell that it's a computer but there must be one in there somewhere, it's an embedded system.
If it's an embedded system that you can pick up, it's a labor saving device - probably sold by one of Ronco's competitors on informercials.

(?) If you can pick it up, it's a PC.

(!) [Heather] If you can pick it up and stuff it in your purse, it's a handheld.
(!) [Ben] Sheesh, Heather - you must not know the same people I do. Some women carry purses big enough to hold a LinuxWorld Expo in, although the IBM Big Iron exhibit might need a crowbar(-protected UPS) to squeeze it in.
What is it if it fits in a purse and is too big to be pushed over?
(Per pTerry, the carrying capacity of an 80-year-old grandmother has never been estimated... or exceeded.)
(!) [Heather] If, including some way to view the screen, it fits in only one item of carry on baggage, it's a laptop. Some people must have really big laps...

(?) If you can't pick it up but you can push it over, it's a minicomputer.

(!) [Heather] Then my old 386 was almost a minicomputer, but I've downgraded it by moving it into a newer case whose power supply is kinda okay, instead of the old monster case that weighs a lot more.
(for the record most minicomputers that I recall were about the size of a fridge, but lighter. I still wouldn't want to try pushing one over.)

(?) But when you can't pick it up or knock it over, it's a mainframe.

(!) [Heather] What is it if the computer can pick you up?
p.s. I decided to cc the LG Answer Gang. I think it'd make a fun back page item for next month :)

(?) STS-107

From Benjamin A. Okopnik

[ the day the Shuttle exploded on re-entry ]
I know this isn't Linux-related, but... I've been in a kind of daze all day, running on automatic. I watched The Penguin (it was an inside NASA joke: a black and white bird that doesn't fly) take off a couple of weeks back, and... now they're gone.
(!) [Breen] Yeah. Me too. I remember a story from Analog (?) years ago called "Murphy's Hall" -- Poul Anderson maybe -- about the inherent risks in space exploration. All the victims of these accidents end up in a Valhalla named for the Murphy of That Law.
Never forgotten it.
(!) [Ben] I like it. I can just see them, toasting the future of the space program, raising a glass with Grissom, Gagarin, Resnick, and the rest... <sigh> Goodbye, dear friends.
(!) [Neil] Yeah. I'm still trying to find words myself. I've drafted a number of responses, which never come out quite right.
The loss of Challenger was an important moment to me in my early 20s and it's a real shock to see it happen again, but I can't find words that say what it means, without putting myself into a disaster that doesn't belong to me.
(!) [Ben] Neil, it belongs to you as much as it does to every human being on this planet. These courageous people have made it possible for all of us to say "WE made it out - again!" Their achievement touches all of us, every one. The space program is not there for the benefit of any one person or any one country - the survival of the human race hinges on it.
If - WHEN - we get out there, establish a self-supporting foothold on another planet... no nuclear bombs, no dinosaur-killer meteor will ever destroy us all. Our sons and daughters will expand into the universe, will grow to face much bigger challenges, ask greater questions, reach unimaginably greater heights.
We pay the cost of pioneering with heart-breaking effort, with the best of everything at our disposal... with our very blood and bones. This is the cost of facing the unknown - and we pay it, and keep on paying it, because we must grow or perish. We will mourn these seven brave people - but we will go on. Their deaths are a tragedy - but to even think of stopping, of abandoning the effort in which they died would be a greater tragedy.
(!) [Neil] I can't help wondering how this affects the families of the Challenger crew. Christa MacAuliffe is the name that has stuck with me, but 6 others died with her and it must be hard on all their families.
Anyway I guess I'll never find the right words, but I'm still thinking of the crew of Challenger and Columbia.
(!) [Ben]
 ******** STS-51L *********
+ Commander  Francis R. Scobee
+ Pilot  Michael J. Smith
+ Mission Specialist Judith A. Resnik
+ Mission Specialist Ellison S. Onizuka
+ Mission Specialist Ronald E. McNair
+ Payload Specialist Gregory B. Jarvis
+ Payload Specialist Sharon Christa McAuliffe

 ******** STS-107 ********
+ Commander Rick D. Husband
+ Pilot William C. McCool
+ Payload Specialist Michael P. Anderson
+ Mission Specialist Kalpana Chawla
+ Mission Specialist David M. Brown
+ Mission Specialist Laurel B. Clark
+ Payload Specialist Ilan Ramon, Israel

Cattle die, Kinsmen die,            Cattle die, Kinsmen die,
You, yourself, shall likewise die,  You, yourself, shall likewise die,
But word fame never dies            But one thing that shall never die
For he who achieves it well.        Are the stories of deeds well done.
 -- The Song of Odin, AD 76-77
The memory of their deeds, their fame, belongs to all of us, as does the right to mourn their passing. There have been many heroes before them... but few who gave their lives for the future of our entire planet.
(!) [Jay]
CNN interviewed June Scobee-Rodgers yesterday; the one comment that stuck with me is "don't give up on the dream".
That sounds like excellent advice to me.
I tried to call the White House Comment Office early that day to pass along my own version thereof... but they aren't staffed on the weekend. Bush got it right, nonetheless...
(!) [Ben]
High Flight

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds -- and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of -- wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark or even eagle flew.
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
 -- John Gillespie McGee Jr.
May they rest in peace.
(!) [Breen] Very good. I didn't know that one but it's very definitely going into the keepers file.
Thanks, Ben.
(!) [Jay] " 'God!', he cried, dying alone on Mars; 'We made it!' "
(!) [Ben] Yep. I've got a collection of his works, although not that story... but I do know the line (isn't it "he cries, dying..."?). It's one of those times that a piece of writing has gone straight to my heart.
(!) [Jay] I might have it wrong; it's from memory, and indirectly via Spider, at that.
(!) [Jay] Nicely put, Ben.
(!) [Ben] Thanks. It's something I believe in, strongly.
(!) [Jay] Me too.

(?) Possible strange things we do with our computers

From Kapil Hari Paranjape

Measuring the size of the earth using the internet.
Have a look at http://arXiv.org/physics/0208087

(?) (no subject)

From W.Pashi

Dear sir , I am researching at University for the above product I will=20 appreciate if you can answer some of question.
(!) [Jimmy] It doesn't seem that you're aware of this, but people who answer questions on mailing lists, news groups etc generally dislike being asked to do someone else's homework.

(?) Packages can be provided in two ways, what are they?

(!) [Jimmy]
Gift wrapped, and not gift wrapped. When providing gift wrapped packages, it's generally preferable to remove the price tag

(?) How would you change from a file structure to a stream?

(!) [Jimmy] I would use a magic wand, and the secret magic words. Because they are secret, I cannot tell you. Sorry.


On Solaris 2.6, how would you add a tape drive on the fly?

(!) [Jimmy] Solaris has been ported to flies? I imagine that given their size that you would require a magnifying glass and tweezers.
[Snip about 20 pages of questions]

(?) RE: [TAG] Miller-Daemon

From Weswwallace

On 07-Jun-2003 Weswwallace@aol.com wrote:
(!) [K.-H.]
> --part1_178.1bb797cd.2c12a535_boundary
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII"
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
we really need only the text part.... please don't send the html version below with any further posts at least to this mailing-list.
(?) How do I get an E-maikl to above subject?
(!) [K.-H.] Let me see, Subject is: Miller-Daemon
so the whole sentence (question) would be:
How do I get an E-maikl to Miller-Daemon.
After a spell and sense-making check this would be:
How do I get an E-mail to Mailer-Daemon.
Well.... 1) you want E-mails offering you to buy Mailer-Daemons? 2) you want a list of various mailer-daemons suitable for
your LINUX system? 3) you want to know how to send an E-mail to a mailer-daemon?
(?) They interrupt my messages.
(!) [K.-H.] And who would they be?
. oh. them.
(?) claim no such addresses exist, etc.,
(!) [K.-H.] yes, they would do that. They never exist.
(?) yet they cannot be questioned or challenged even when they are wrong.
(!) [K.-H.] Thats the point about them.
Since you already messed with them I don't think you can be helped. To learn techniques to vanish and get a new identitiy I suggest reading books by Thomas Perry, especially the Jane Whitefield novels (vanishing act, Dance for the dead,..). Hurry up a bit though.....
For learning more about them I would suggest the "Illuminatus!" trilogy, by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson.
> --part1_178.1bb797cd.2c12a535_boundary
> Content-Type: text/html; charset="US-ASCII"
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
> =3D"Arial" LANG=3D"0">How do I get an E-maikl to above subject?&nbsp; They
this stuff is really, really unneccessary. We are perfectly able to read plain ASCII text -- and even strongly prefer it to any other thinkable format.
Oh -- BTW: If it's just about getting mails back from some server try sending them from a different account then your AOL account. AOL has a rather bad reputation and there are probably site blocking AOL. (i.e. mailer daemons were instructed by them to not accept any mails from *@aol.com).
K.-H. -- oops, shouldn't have said that.....

(?) Iraq-related Irony

From Ben Okopnik

OhmuhGawd. Speaks for itself...
----- Forwarded message from Gene Spafford <spaf@cerias.purdue.edu> -----

>It appears that the US navy spokesman put up to answer journalists'
>questions about the US detention centre at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, is one
>Lieutenant Mike Kafka.
>As the article on The Register (www.theregister.co.uk) observes: "Yes,
>you're reading that correctly. A man named Kafka has been deployed to field
>questions about a prison where the criminals are only vaguely charged with
>crimes, can't speak to lawyers and likely will never get out." Any
>resemblance this reality bears to an actual fiction is entirely

----- End forwarded message -----

(?) Fly fishing

From Sluggo

On Tue, Feb 17, 2004 at 09:04:56AM -0800, Mike Orr wrote:
> Christoph, it would help if you give us some examples of exactly what
> messages you are saying.  That would help us narrow down which modules
Gosh, am I writing with an Irish accent today?
(!) [Ben] Our Master Blacksmith, Brad, is a Londoner who's been living here in Florida for about 8 years now and has a - ready for this? - Leprechaun Gangsta Rap that could easily result in loss of bladder control.
"Eat me Lucky Charrms, bitch, or I'll pop a cahp in yer arse!"
He's a bad, BAD man, possibly with a secure future in the world of comedy.
(!) [Jay] I'm reminded of Hawk, in Parker's Spenser novel A Catskill Eagle He's in a CIA "safe" house in ... well, some part of Boston without a lot of black people. :-)
He says "maybe I'll just go out in disguise. 'Faith and begorra, motherf$%^&r...'."
(!) [Ben] [LOL] What, you've never heard of the black Irish? :)))
(!) [Jay] Cheers, -- jr 'you're back in town?' a
(!) [Ben] Ever since the Hawaii trip, yes indeed. Are you going to make it to this coast any time soon, or are you waiting for me to get my pilot's license? :)
(!) [Jay]
Naw; just thought I'd missed you more permanently than that. Alan's in need of some cross country time again; we'll put something together. Got an airport handy?
(!) [Ben] The one I've been flying out of, SGJ (Saint Augustine). Let me know, and I'll buy you guys lunch at the Fly-By Cafe; if you do it sometime soon, we can watch the F-86 Sabre doing his rolls and loops, and maybe a Pitts and an Extra 300, too. If my buddy Jack is about, you might get to see me pull a few Gs in his Harmon Rocket.
[wink] Life's treating me awf'ly well these days. :)
(!) [Thomas] If you're really lucky, you'll be able to fly by and drop lightly pieces of food into waiting mouths below, assuming the wind is in the right direction.
Oh Fly-By......
(!) [Ben] Boy, Thomas; no matter how hard I try, I still can't get the point across to you. We lightly drop flies into the waiting mouths, etc. Hasn't your Mum ever mentioned not keeping your mouth open for that very reason?
(!) [Thomas] Yeah, but she was too busy fly fishing, Ben.

(?) A "Microsoft" security update

From Ben

(!) [Jason] Cute, but the subject should have been 'Microsoft "security" update' :-)
(!) [Ben]
----- Forwarded message from Microsoft Corporation Internet Security Division <exlwuvkdjtxjoqngufce@NjRuCgPAR.net> -----

From: "Microsoft Corporation Internet Security Division" <exlwuvkdjtxjoqngufce@NjRuCgPAR.net>
To: "MS Customer" <>
SUBJECT: Security Update
Date: Sat,  8 Mar 2003 13:00:31 -0500 (EST)

MS Customer

this is the latest version of security update, the
"March 2003, Cumulative Patch" update which eliminates
all known security vulnerabilities affecting Internet Explorer,
Outlook and Outlook Express as well as five newly
discovered vulnerabilities. Install now to protect your computer
from these vulnerabilities, the most serious of which could allow
an attacker to run executable on your system. This update includes
the functionality of all previously released patches.

System requirements
Win 9x/Me/2000/NT/XP

This update applies to

Microsoft Internet Explorer, version 4.01 and later
Microsoft Outlook, version 8.00 and later
Microsoft Outlook Express, version 4.01 and later

Customers should install the patch at the earliest opportunity.

How to install
Run attached file. Click Yes on displayed dialog box.

How to use
You don't need to do anything after installing this item.

Microsoft Product Support Services and Knowledge Base articles
can be found on the Microsoft Technical Support web site.
For security-related information about Microsoft products, please
visit the
Microsoft Security Advisor web site, or Contact us.

Please do not reply to this message. It was sent from an unmonitored
e-mail address and we are unable to respond to any replies.

Thank you for using Microsoft products.

With friendly greetings,

Microsoft Corporation Internet Security Division

╘2003 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. The names of the actual companies
and products mentioned herein may be the trademarks of their respective owners.

----- End forwarded message -----

(?) [Lgang] /sbin/ping -c 1 lgang

From Ben

21:12:21.615638 ben > lgang_mailing_list: icmp: echo request (DF)
(!) [JimD]
PING localhost (jimd@starshine.org): 56 data bytes
64 bytes from jimd@starshine.org: icmp_seq=0 ttl=64 time=0.1 ms

--- localhost ping statistics ---
1 packets transmitted, 1 packets received, 0% packet loss
round-trip min/avg/max = 0.1/0.1/0.1 ms
(!) [Ben] Cool! Judging by the RTT, though, I suspect this packet took a lame donkey across a few states, ambled through Texas, and stopped to have dinner in Arizona. :)
(!) [JimD]
It was probably mostly a matter of processor latency. Specifically I think this processor was either sleeping or in a different context (work) when the packet arrived in the buffer. Under this particular workload this particular system is not interrupt driven :)

(?) [spam] Best offer of the year

From Sluggo

----- Forwarded message from "Pins U. Merle" <gardnerj@nytimes.com> -----

Subject: Read:_Best offer of this year ;)

>Clarence Morton Esmeralda Clarence Jacques Freida Ericka Percy

Hello dear friend! I have to tell you about this incredible site
- this is totally unbelivable - it is made to make life easye.
Only imagine - all world best software collected in ONE place
and all for low prices with 80 -90% off. This lo price is because of
O-E M licenses - that mean that you do not get a nice box - just CD.
hurry to check it up - 10 - 20 programs are added daily. You get CD and
also a donload link so u can have your goods instantly.

----- End forwarded message -----
Just what I need, a "donload" link.
(!) [Neil] Is that a "don't load" link?

(?) Japanese spam

From Ben

You gotta love these folks. Even if they're sending you spam, they make it pretty - and use Unicode to do it.
Unless, of course, somebody's submitted an article - it was sent to articles@, after all - that's short, has lots of exclamation points, and happens to mention 5000 yen...

(?) Ginger beer

From Sluggo

(!) [Ben] Yep; that's a good description of ginger beer. Stewart's is only middlin' as far as their ginger beer goes (I like their cream soda, though); there are much better ones out there, although I can't remember a specific brand, but be aware that most of them are just as strong or even stronger.
You could always wimp out and use it in an ice cream float. :)
(!) [Heather] Too strong and in fact a bit too sugary, too.
Cock and Bull is better.

(?) I found it in a fancy supermarket on Bainbridge Island (you know that, Ben?),

(!) [Ben] Eh... there's some dim recall of the name, but no specific associations pop up. I've been there, though.

(?) a woodsy suburb an hour outside town. So I'll see if the Whole Foods markets and their ilk on this side carry it. Stewart's also makes a pretty good brand of root beer.

(!) [JimD] Cock & Bull is the best I've seen in awhile.
(!) [Heather] Stewart's Root Beer is yummy, but Henry Weinhardt and Thomas Kemper are hefty competition.

(?) linux baby clothes?

From J.Cooper

(!) [Robos] Hi J. Hows K. doing?

(?) gday - how'd it go with the inquiry about Linux baby clothes?

( http://linuxgazette.net/issue67/lg_mail67.html )

(!) [Robos] How about this one here: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/kids
(!) [Ben]
<grin> For the puzzled among us:
<http://www.geocities.com/TheTropics/5011/acronyms.html#ITYM>; <http://www.geocities.com/TheTropics/5011/acronyms.html#HTH>; <http://www.geocities.com/TheTropics/5011/acronyms.html#HAND>; <http://www.google.com/search?q=%22D+B+Cooper%22&btnG=Google+Search>
(!) [Robos] Actually the above J and K were referring to MIB (to stick to TLA's a little longer) where Will Smith was J and Tommy Lee Jones was K (IIRC).
(!) [Ben] Hey! That's an ETLA! :)
(!) [Robos]
Is that short for extended TLA?
(!) [Ben] Yep. You can always look these things up at my acronym page:
(!) [Robos] yes, but I was lazy and didn't start up another mutt client ;)
(!) [Ben]
I missed it because "J" was just "J" - first, last, and middle, and J. actually came to us with a last name. So, he's not likely to pull out a Noisy Cricket anytime soon. :) DB Cooper, now - that would be a relative anyone would want.
(!) [Robos] OK, here you loose me: whats a Noisy Cricket and where does it come from?
(!) [Ben] "Men In Black". The Noisy Cricket is this tiny little pistol that J gets from K... and the damn thing shoots like a tank.
(!) [Robos] Ah yes, I remember. The problem is that the translation is correct but you don't get it that fast nevertheless...
(!) [Robos] And who the heck is DB Cooper (of mini cooper fame or what)?
(!) [Ben] Back in 1971, Dan "DB" Cooper hijacked a plane, got a $200,000 ransom, parachuted out on the return flight, and disappeared. He became a legend. (Obviously, this was long before the current crop of terrorism when skyjacking was seen as a romantic daredevil stunt by a successful desperado... believe it or not. Times have changed that much.)
A number of years ago, I saw a mailbox in Brooklyn, NY that was mounted on a 40-foot or so pole with "DB Cooper" conspicuously painted on it. :)
(!) [Robos] Cool stunt! But this would hardly be possible with todays jumbos since the speed would be a real issue...
(!) [Ben] Oh, it was a problem then, too. IIRC, he picked the plane that he was on (727, I think?) because it had a tail gate exit. He also made the pilot set the flaps to full and lower the landing gear (makes the plane about as aerodynamic as a garbage truck - and the speed goes way down.)
(!) [Robos] During these parts of a "discussion" I really feel that I am no native english person...
(!) [Ben] Heck, Robos, every country has its stories. I'm sure you could tell us a few that we'd never heard of, but that every one of your countrymen would recognize immediately.
(!) [Robos] Sure. But without your explanation I wouldn't have got the point (and joke) and from that on the further discussion is for foreign people quite hard to follow.
(!) [Ben] <grin> Glad I could catch you up, then.

(?) MS plans competition for Google

From Sluggo

"At its annual analyst meeting Microsoft unveiled a prototype of an MSN toolbar that works with the Internet Explorer browser.
As well as letting people search the net, it also lets them query the documents, images, e-mails or spreadsheets stored on their PC."
(!) [Jason] Images? How's that gonna work? Filenames, and maybe some metadata attached to the image it's the only thing I can think of that is easily searchable.
(!) [Jimmy] Yep. There's a lot of stuff that can be put into image metadata.
(!) [Kapil] If you have really really smart software metadata may not be required!
(Actually I just saw this and haven't installed or used it so I don't know if it is smart!)
Package: imgseek Description: Image viewer and manager with content based query
ImgSeek is a photo collection manager and viewer with content based search and many other features.
The search query for an image is expressed either as a rough sketch or as another image you supply. The searching algorithm makes use of multiresolution wavelet decomposition of the query and database images.
A search based on a rough sketch---now that would be something.
(!) [Jimmy] Cool. I thought something like this must exist, given that there are things like songprint, but never heard of any actual software that did it. I'll stick with metadata though, because I can't draw.

(?) Oh goody. Now you don't have to install Cygwin and grep (or use the Find in Files thing in the Start menu), you can just type into the IE toolbar. How revolutionary.

(!) [Jason] Oh, they wouldn't do something so silly as just implementing just a simple GUI grep-like tool and then call it a great feature, would they?
(!) [Ben] ...or copy Mac's much-loved "Finder" without giving credit where it's due? Not Micr0s0ft; not those famous upholders of individual rights and integrity, those champions of all that is right and decent.
Just for the record: say the name of your universe, again? I didn't quite get it the first time.
(!) [Jason] Oh, sorry, I didn't make myself clear. I didn't doubt Microsoft's ability to rip features off. What I meant was that they usually think bigger. They don't like simple things. They like System Restore.
(!) [Ben] Actually, when it comes to their OS, so do I. The correct fix for about 3/4 of all Wind0ws problems - the one that takes the least time, effort, and frustration - is to back up the data and reinstall from scratch. I've got most of my commercial clients trained in the basics: keep the data on a separate partition, back up often, keep all the install CDs/installation software close at hand.
Buying a new car instead of continuously fixing the old junker (in which each problem triggers several others, and fixing one thing breaks three) can be a very sound policy. Unfortunately, many people continue to buy the same model that produced that junker in the first place...
(!) [Jason]
So I'm thinking it's not just a simple grep. They'll have hacks into Outlook's file format in order to look at emails. Hacks for all of Microsoft's special formats. Maybe even a kludge of a plugin system that allows Windows to search third-party formats. Something like that is what I expect from Microsoft.
(!) [Ben] I agree. It's also likely to have a dancing paperclip, a Micr0s0ft Bob, or some new version of a combination of the two, subtly unsettling and vaguely smelling of brimstone.
(!) [Jason] Of course, it's hard to tell what software actually does from a press release. So we really don't know if it's something big that might actually do something useful[1] or if it's just something like what you can do with find and grep.
Jason Creighton
[1] On thursdays. When the wind is blowing at greater than 10 MPH from the south-east. And it has trouble with metric, so if the wind isn't blowing fast enough, if you change the i18n settings, you can get it work when the wind is only blowing at 10 KPH.
(!) [Ben] Well, geez, Jason. Of course it's going to have an easily exploited security hole! And here you go, telling the world about it even before the thing is published...
(!) [Jimmy] Speaking of security holes, has anyone looked at Metasploit? (http://www.metasploit.com/projects/Framework) I couldn't get the few Linux exploits going (damned security updates!), but typing four or five lines got me a windows command shell and a running VNC server. Scary stuff. I might be able to scribble something about it in time for 106, if I can find a CD with an old distro with a hole or two.
(!) [Jimmy] Heh. They've just reinvented (and patented) sudo: http://taint.org/2004/08/20/024522a.html
(!) [Ben] Patented, even. Wow. Wonder if they've ever heard of the term "prior art"?
([laugh] I actually wrote that before clicking on the URL. The writer there can see the obvious as well as I can, it seems.)
Micr0s0ft is patenting everything WRT software nowadays; it doesn't mean a whole lot in this case, but could in a number of other situations. I understand that the next version of the MSWord doc format is supposed to be so tightly "protected" by these legal shenanigans that you won't be able to write a reader or a converter for it without MS's permission. [shrug] I guess they haven't lost enough business yet to this kind of tactics to learn better. Sui sponte, as the US Army Rangers say.

(?) 2 Cent Tips & Tricks: Optimizing ~/.bash_history

From Thomas

On Fri, Jan 17, 2003 at 03:07:44PM +0000, Thomas Adam wrote:

(?) "Cor - blimey, Mate. Hows the ol' Trouble and Strife?"

Now that is a vernacular. :-) Anyone like to take a guess (no -- not those from the UK) as to what "Trouble and Strife" is???

(!) [Ben]
Cockney "rhyming" slang; 'life'.
Do I win a Cornish pasty? :)

(?) LOL, nope -- nice try, but not close.

Keep guessing :-)

(!) [Ben] <blink> That was a piece of info I thought I knew for sure, having been given it by a native Wanker :) years ago. In that case, I don't know.


Lol. I should say that these "rhyming slangs" are rarely used nowadays. "Trouble and Strife" == "wife". Whoever said that it meant "life" must have been a Wanker :)


Have you even had a Cornish pasty before, Ben?

(!) [Ben] Yep. An xgf of mine used to make them, although not to the original "drop'em down the mineshaft" recipe. :)

(?) I love them. I could eat them all of the time. The "drop'em down the mineshaft" recipe isn't that good though, Ben. They get covered in coal.

(!) [David M] I would be thinking wife

(?) Congratulations, David :-)

How about some more???

"frog and toad"

(!) [Breen] Road

(?) "apples and pears"

(!) [Breen] stairs

(?) "barnet fair"

(!) [Breen] Hair
On a whim I did a search for rhyming slang. There's a site for it:
which is even collecting new coinages.
My favorite: "Becks and Posh", which I think is brilliant.
(!) [[Jimmy]]
[It should be noted that most Cockney Rhyming Slang is given abbreviated. You don't say 'barnet fair', which could be guessed; instead you say 'barnet'.
Brahms = Brahms and Liszt = pissed (drunk)
Jockeys = Jockeys whips = chips (french fries/freedom fries/whatever :-P)]


[BIO] Jimmy is a single father of one, who enjoys long walks... Oh, right.

Jimmy has been using computers from the tender age of seven, when his father inherited an Amstrad PCW8256. After a few brief flirtations with an Atari ST and numerous versions of DOS and Windows, Jimmy was introduced to Linux in 1998 and hasn't looked back.

In his spare time, Jimmy likes to play guitar and read: not at the same time, but the picks make handy bookmarks.

Copyright © 2004, Jimmy O'Regan. Released under the Open Publication license unless otherwise noted in the body of the article. Linux Gazette is not produced, sponsored, or endorsed by its prior host, SSC, Inc.

Published in Issue 109 of Linux Gazette, December 2004

<-- prev | next -->