The Project Gutenberg EBook of Next Door Neighbours, by Elizabeth Inchbald This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: Next Door Neighbours A Comedy in Three Acts Author: Elizabeth Inchbald Release Date: February 4, 2012 [EBook #38759] Language: English Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS *** Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net
A COMEDY;
I N
THREE ACTS.
To Puff, or not to Puff—that is the Question— Puff by all means, say I, it helps digestion. To prove my maxim true, pray read the Papers— From Quacks of State, to those who cure the Vapours. | |
You'll find them, one and all, puff high their skill, Tho' nine in ten, are oft'ner found to kill.— Yet Puff's the word, which gives at least a name, And oftener gains the undeserving Fame: Or wherefore read we of Lord Fanny's Taste, Of me—an Actor—wonderfully chaste! And yet so squeamish is our Lady elf, She'd rather die—than paragraph herself; So fix'd on me—the Prologue speaking Hack, To stop, with Puff-direct, the Critic Pack, | |
Who yelp, and foaming, bark from morn to night, | } |
And when run hard—turn tail—then snap and bite; | |
Putting the timid Hare-like-Bard to flight. | |
To such, the best and only Puff to hit, | } |
Is that which honest Candour must admit, | |
A Female Scribbler is an harmless Wit; | |
And who so harmless as our present Bard, Claiming no greater or distinct reward, Than what from free Translation is her due, Which here in fullest trust she leaves to you: With this remark—Who own their Debts with pride, Are well entitled to the Credit Side. And as for those with whom she makes so free They'll ne'er complain of English Liberty; But glory to behold their Tinsel shine, Through the rich Bullion of the English Line. | |
Fear then avaunt! Trust to a British Jury— With them, an honest Verdict I'll ensure you: Let Echo catch the sound—'Tis Pratte 1 enacts, You're Judges of the Law, as well as Facts. On this she rests her Cause, and hopes to find, As Friends, and Next Door Neighbours, you'll be kind; At least, this only punishment ensue, A Frown—and that's severe enough, from you. | |
Thus puff'd—I freely to the Court commit her, Not doubting, as a Woman, you'll acquit her— | |
And now join issue, Sirs, without delay— | } |
Judging from written Evidence our Play, | |
And—send her a good Deliverance, I pray. | |
1 Vide, Earl Camden's celebrated and Constitutional Speech and |
MEN. | |
Sir George Splendorville | Mr. Palmer. |
Mr. Manly | Mr. Kemble. |
Mr. Blackman | Mr. Baddeley. |
Mr. Lucre | Mr. R. Palmer. |
Lord Hazard | Mr. Evatt. |
Willford | Mr. Aickin. |
Henry | Mr. Palmer, Jun. |
Bluntly | Mr. Bannister, Jun. |
WOMEN. | |
Lady Caroline Seymour | Mrs. Brooks. |
Lady Bridget Squander | Miss Heard. |
Evans | Mrs. Edwards. |
Eleanor | Mrs. Kemble. |
Other Ladies, Gentlemen, Servants, &c. | |
SCENE——London. |
A COMEDY.
SCENE I. An Antichamber at Sir George
Splendorville's, adjoining a Ball-room.
Enter Bluntly, meeting a Servant in Livery.
BLUNTLY. |
Come, come, is not every thing ready? |
SERVANT. |
We have only to fix up the new chandelier. |
BLUNTLY. |
I'll have no new chandelier. |
SERVANT. |
My master said the last ball he gave, the company |
BLUNTLY. |
And if you blind them with too much light, |
SERVANT. |
The musicians, sir, wish for some wine. |
BLUNTLY. |
What, before the ball begins? No, tell them |
SERVANT. |
You are always so cross, Mr. Bluntly, when |
BLUNTLY. |
Have not I a right to be cross? For while |
SHOPMAN. |
Yes, sir. |
BLUNTLY. |
Then please to take it back again—We don't |
SHOPMAN. |
What is your objection to it, sir? |
BLUNTLY. |
It will cost too much. |
SHOPMAN. |
Mr. Bluntly, all the trades-people are more |
BLUNTLY. |
That is, because he never cares whether he |
SHOPMAN. |
Certainly, sir. |
BLUNTLY. |
Then why will they force so many unnecessary |
Enter Evans:——The Tradesman goes off at the opposite Door. |
BLUNTLY. |
How do you do, Mrs. Evans? [Sullenly. |
EVANS. |
What makes you sigh, Mr. Bluntly? |
BLUNTLY. |
What makes you smile? |
EVANS. |
To see all the grand preparations for the ball |
BLUNTLY. |
And I sigh for my master.—I foresee all the |
EVANS. |
But consider, Mr. Bluntly, your master has |
BLUNTLY. |
Yes, but I consider he has your lady to take |
EVANS. |
For shame.—My lady, I have no doubt, will |
BLUNTLY. |
It will then be by taking away the means.— |
EVANS. |
You are mistaken.—She never gives routs, |
BLUNTLY. |
But she constantly goes to them whenever she |
EVANS. |
That, I call but a slight imprudence.—She |
BLUNTLY. |
No, but she takes a lavish present, as readily |
EVANS. |
And surely you cannot call that imprudence? |
BLUNTLY. |
No, I call it something worse. |
EVANS. |
Then, although she loves gaming to distraction, |
BLUNTLY. |
No, but she always wins—and that I call |
[A loud rapping at the street-door. |
EVANS. |
Here's the company. Will you permit me, |
BLUNTLY. |
If you please. (Rapping again.) What spirit |
[Exit. |
Enter Lady Caroline. |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Here, the first of the company. I am sorry |
EVANS. |
I came, my lady, to see the preparations making |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Why, I do flatter myself it is.—But where |
EVANS. |
Ah, my lady, what a charming thing to have |
LADY CAROLINE. |
And yet my father wishes to break off the |
EVANS. |
But then, Madam, so does every body else. |
LADY CAROLINE. |
But Sir George ought undoubtedly to change |
EVANS. |
And there are people malicious enough to |
LADY CAROLINE. |
As a treaty of marriage is so nearly concluded |
[Exit Evans. |
Enter two Ladies and a Gentleman, who curtsy and bow to Lady Caroline.—Sir George enters at the opposite door, magnificently dressed. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Ladies, I entreat your pardon; dear Lady |
[Another rapping. |
Enter Mr. Lucre, Lord Hazard, Lady Bridget Squander, &c. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Dear Lucre, I am glad to see you. |
MR. LUCRE. |
My dear Sir George, I had above ten engagements |
SIR GEORGE. |
Thank you.—My dear Lady Bridget— |
LADY BRIDGET. |
It is impossible to resist an invitation from the |
MR. LUCRE. |
[After speaking apart with Sir George. |
No, I am not in a state to take any part at |
SIR GEORGE. |
Yes, I believed it long ago. |
MR. LUCRE. |
Now we are on that subject—could you lend |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Taking out his pocket-book. |
I have about me, only this bill for two hundred. |
MR. LUCRE. |
That will do as well—I am not circumstantial. |
SIR GEORGE. |
I thank you. |
MR. LUCRE. |
Nay, though I have no money of my own, |
SIR GEORGE. |
I sincerely thank you. |
MR. LUCRE. |
And one can better ask a favour for one's |
SIR GEORGE. |
I can't say I did. |
MR. LUCRE. |
But you must have observed I hesitated, and |
SIR GEORGE. |
I thought for my part, that I looked as foolish. |
MR. LUCRE. |
Nor ever will, when a friend applys to you, |
LORD HAZARD. |
[Taking Sir George aside. |
The obligations I am under to you for extricating |
SIR GEORGE. |
Never name it. |
LORD HAZARD. |
Not only name it, Sir George, but shortly I |
SIR GEORGE. |
[To the company. |
Permit me to conduct you to the next apartment. |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Most willingly, Sir George. I was the first |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Aside to her. |
But let me hope, passion for dancing was not |
[As the company move towards the ball-room, Mr. Lucre and Lord Hazard come forward. |
MR. LUCRE. |
Oh! there never was such a man in the world |
[The company Exeunt, and the music is heard to begin. |
SCENE II. An Apartment, which denotes |
ELEANOR. |
It is very late and very cold too, brother; |
HENRY. |
No—beds were made for rest. |
ELEANOR. |
And that noise of carriages and link-boys at |
HENRY. |
The poor have still more to complain of, |
ELEANOR. |
—If they should not have good sense enough |
HENRY. |
What do you call it then? |
ELEANOR. |
A trial; sent to make us patient. |
HENRY. |
It may make you so, but cannot me. Good |
[Going. |
ELEANOR. |
Nay, it is night yet. Where are you going? |
HENRY. |
I don't know.—To take a walk.—The streets |
ELEANOR. |
Oh, my dear brother! I cannot express half |
HENRY. |
Why? |
ELEANOR. |
Because I know your temper; you are impatient |
HENRY. |
What do you mean? |
ELEANOR. |
Nay, do not be angry; but every time you |
HENRY. |
And if I did, you would despise and desert |
ELEANOR. |
No: not desert you; for I am convinced you |
HENRY. |
Not want?—Nor does my father? |
ELEANOR. |
Scarcely, while we visit him. Every time he |
HENRY. |
What! banish us from a prison? |
ELEANOR. |
And although it is a prison, you could not |
HENRY. |
Happy!—When was I happy last? |
ELEANOR. |
Yesterday, when your father thanked you for |
HENRY. |
It was—nor will I give up such satisfaction, |
ELEANOR. |
Then do not ever trust yourself away, at least |
HENRY. |
Dear sister! do you imagine that your power |
[Exit. |
ELEANOR. |
If before him I am cheerful, yet to myself I |
[A rapping at the door of her chamber, on the |
ELEANOR. |
Who's there? |
MR. BLACKMAN. |
Open the door. [Without. |
ELEANOR. |
The voice of our landlord. [Goes to the door. |
BLACKMAN. |
Yes, open the door. [Rapping louder. |
[She opens it: Blackman enters, followed by Bluntly.] |
BLACKMAN. |
What a time have you made me wait!—And |
[Eleanor retires to the back of the Stage. |
BLUNTLY. |
Is this the chamber? |
BLACKMAN. |
Yes, Sir, yes, Mr. Bluntly, this is it. |
[Blackman assumes a very different tone of voice in speaking to Bluntly and Eleanor; to the one he is all submissive humility, to the other all harshness.] |
BLUNTLY. |
This! [Contemptuously. |
BLACKMAN. |
Why yes, sir,—this is the only place I have |
BLUNTLY. |
And if you do put yourself to a little inconvenience, |
BLACKMAN. |
Your master, Mr. Bluntly, is a very good man |
BLUNTLY. |
I know it. I know also that you have lost |
BLACKMAN. |
We'll drop the subject.—And in regard to |
BLUNTLY. |
No, for I feel the cold wind blow through |
BLACKMAN. |
But suppose I was to have it put a little into |
BLUNTLY. |
And why has not this been done before? |
BLACKMAN. |
Would you have me be laying out my money, |
BLUNTLY. |
Is that the situation of your lodgers at present? |
BLACKMAN. |
Yes.—But they made a better appearance |
BLUNTLY. |
That girl (looking at Eleanor) seems very |
BLACKMAN. |
Pshaw, pshaw—she is a poor creature—she is |
BLUNTLY. |
I feel quite charmed with misery.—Who belongs |
BLACKMAN. |
A young man who says he is her brother— |
BLUNTLY. |
Hush, Mr. Blackman—if you speak so loud, |
BLACKMAN. |
And if they did, do you think it would spoil |
ELEANOR. |
[Coming to him. |
Dear sir, have but patience a little while |
BLACKMAN. |
I won't lose any thing. [Going. |
ELEANOR. |
[Following him. |
Sir, I would speak a single word to you, if |
BLUNTLY. |
Ay, stay and hear her. |
ELEANOR. |
[Looking at Bluntly. |
But I wish to speak to him by ourselves. |
BLUNTLY. |
Then I'll withdraw. |
BLACKMAN. |
What have you to say? [In anger. |
BLUNTLY. |
Hear her, Mr. Blackman—or may none of |
[Exit. |
BLACKMAN. |
If it is only to entreat me to let you continue |
ELEANOR. |
But are you resolved to have no pity? You |
[Weeping. |
BLACKMAN. |
Ay, I thought what you had to say—farewel, |
ELEANOR. |
[Laying hold of him. |
Oh! do not plunge us into more distress |
BLACKMAN. |
I can't——'tis a thing I never did in my life. |
[Going, he meets Bluntly, who stops him. |
BLUNTLY. |
Well, have you granted her request? |
BLACKMAN. |
I would do a great deal to oblige you, Mr. |
BLUNTLY. |
Well, well,—I will give my word. |
BLACKMAN. |
But remember, it is not to be put down to |
ELEANOR. |
Nor am I to lay my brother under an obligation |
BLACKMAN. |
[In extreme anger. |
What do you mean by that? |
BLUNTLY. |
Perhaps she is right. |
ELEANOR. |
My brother would resent my acceptance of a |
BLACKMAN. |
Your brother resent! A poor man resent! |
ELEANOR. |
No—nor a poor woman's prayers. |
BLACKMAN. |
Yes, I will regard your prayers, if you will |
ELEANOR. |
Any acquaintance of your's, Mr. Blackman, |
BLACKMAN. |
Do you hear with what contempt she treats |
BLUNTLY. |
But perhaps she is right—at least, in treating |
Enter Henry: he starts at seeing Blackman and Bluntly. |
HENRY. |
Who are these? |
BLACKMAN. |
"Who are these?" Did you ever hear such |
HENRY. |
I am a man. |
BLACKMAN. |
Yes—but I am a lawyer. |
HENRY. |
Whatever you are, this apartment is mine, |
BLACKMAN. |
But to-morrow it will be mine, and then I |
HENRY. |
Eleanor, retire to the other chamber; I am |
[Leads her off. |
BLACKMAN. |
And I am sorry that I and my friend should |
BLUNTLY. |
Mr. Blackman, I won't be called names. |
BLACKMAN. |
Names, sir! What names did I call you? |
BLUNTLY. |
Did not you call me your friend? I assure |
BLACKMAN. |
Why, you blockhead, does not your master |
BLUNTLY. |
Yes, my master is a great man, and he can |
[Exit (in great anger), Blackman following. |
END OF THE FIRST ACT. |
SCENE I. An Apartment at Sir George
Splendorville's.
Enter Sir George, followed by Bluntly.
SIR GEORGE. |
What's o'clock? [Rubbing his eyes. |
BLUNTLY. |
Just noon, sir. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Why was I waked so early? |
BLUNTLY. |
You were not waked, sir—You rung. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Then it was in my sleep—and could not you |
BLUNTLY. |
You have company to dinner you know, sir. |
SIR GEORGE. |
No, it is to supper—and what am I to do with |
BLUNTLY. |
Company again to supper, Sir? |
SIR GEORGE. |
Yes, and the self-same company I had last |
BLUNTLY. |
Yes, sir, I saw her late last night in Mr. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Indeed? In Blackman's house? I am glad to |
BLUNTLY. |
And he has assured me, sir, that she and her |
SIR GEORGE. |
I am glad to hear it. |
BLUNTLY. |
They have been it seems above a twelvemonth |
SIR GEORGE. |
I am very glad to hear it. |
BLUNTLY. |
But the young woman, Sir, has been so short |
SIR GEORGE. |
And I am very glad to hear of that too— |
BLUNTLY. |
But if I might presume to advise, sir—as you |
SIR GEORGE. |
And I shall give it up, Bluntly, before my |
BLUNTLY. |
I have some reason to think, that with all his |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Laughing. |
Oh! I have often tried the effect of a purse of |
BLUNTLY. |
I have, Sir. |
SIR GEORGE. |
See if they are come. [Exit Bluntly.] Ah! |
Enter Bluntly. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Are they come? |
BLUNTLY. |
The young man is in the anti-chamber, sir, |
SIR GEORGE. |
No, no, no—I do not desire to see him, if |
Enter Henry, and bows. [Sir George looks at him with a careless familiarity— Bluntly leaves the room.] |
SIR GEORGE. |
Young man, I am told you are very poor— |
HENRY. |
[After an hesitation.] Perhaps not, sir. |
SIR GEORGE. |
The meaning of it, as I comprehend, is, for |
HENRY. |
Your proposal is so general, I am at a loss |
SIR GEORGE. |
Your pride seems extensive indeed.—I heard |
HENRY. |
Did you, Sir?—Did you pity my father:— |
SIR GEORGE. |
Would a small sum release him from confinement? |
HENRY. |
I have no doubt but it would. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Then take that note.——Be not surprised— |
HENRY. |
Sir George, I spoke so rudely to you at first, |
SIR GEORGE. |
You have a brother, have not you? |
HENRY. |
No, Sir—and only one sister. |
SIR GEORGE. |
A sister is it? well, let me see your father and |
HENRY. |
Yes, Sir. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Well, let me see your father and her; they |
HENRY. |
I will this moment go to our lawyer, extricate Forgive my eagerness to disclose your bounty, |
[Exit. |
SIR GEORGE. |
That bait has taken—and now, if the sister |
Enter Bluntly. |
BLUNTLY. |
Dear sir, what can you have said to the young |
SIR GEORGE. |
In what manner? |
BLUNTLY. |
The tears ran down his cheeks as he passed |
SIR GEORGE. |
It is a treasure, Bluntly—a hundred Guineas. |
BLUNTLY. |
But for which, I believe, you expect a greater |
SIR GEORGE. |
Dost think so Bluntly?—dost think the girl is |
BLUNTLY. |
If she refuses, she is worth a thousand—but if |
SIR GEORGE. |
Just the reverse. |
BLUNTLY. |
But I hope, sir, you do not mean to throw |
SIR GEORGE. |
How!—You are in pay by some of my creditors |
BLUNTLY. |
No, Sir, you must pay them, before they can |
SIR GEORGE. |
You are impertinent—leave the room instantly, |
BLUNTLY. |
But, sir, if you will only give me leave to |
SIR GEORGE. |
Do, speak; [Goes to the chimney-piece and takes |
BLUNTLY. |
I am dumb, Sir—I don't speak indeed, Sir— |
SIR GEORGE. |
Go on the errand I told you; and if you dare |
[Holding up the pistol. |
BLUNTLY. |
Yes, Sir. |
[Exit. |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Laying the pistol on the table. |
Impertinent puppy; to ruffle the temper of a |
Enter Bluntly. |
BLUNTLY. |
May I speak now, sir? |
SIR GEORGE. |
What have you to say? |
BLUNTLY. |
Mr. Blackman, sir. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Bid him come in. |
Enter Blackman. Exit Bluntly. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Good morning, Mr. Blackman; come, sit |
BLACKMAN. |
[Bowing respectfully. |
I am glad, Sir George, I have found you |
SIR GEORGE. |
Business!——no—not now if you please. |
BLACKMAN. |
But I must, sir—I have been here ten times |
SIR GEORGE. |
Don't be long then—don't be tedious, Mr. |
BLACKMAN. |
When she comes, I will go. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Very well, speak quickly then. What have |
BLACKMAN. |
I come to speak upon the subject of your father's |
SIR GEORGE. |
But what am I to do? |
BLACKMAN. |
There is no time to be lost. Consider, that |
SIR GEORGE. |
But I should imagine, Mr. Blackman, that if |
BLACKMAN. |
Oh! people of our avocation differ in respect |
SIR GEORGE. |
But I fear—— |
BLACKMAN. |
Fear nothing.—There are a vast number of |
Enter Bluntly. |
SIR GEORGE. |
My visitor is come, as I told you. |
BLACKMAN. |
[Rising. |
And I am gone, as I told you. |
[Going. |
Enter Eleanor. |
BLACKMAN. |
[Aside. |
My lodger! ah! ah! (To her in a whisper) |
[Exit. |
SIR GEORGE. |
(To Eleanor) I am glad to see you.—Bluntly— |
[Makes a sign to him to leave the room. |
BLUNTLY. |
Sir? |
[Sir George waves his hand and nods his head a second time. |
BLUNTLY. |
Sir?—— |
[Still affecting not to understand him. |
SIR GEORGE. |
I bid you go. [Angrily. |
BLUNTLY. |
You bid me go, sir?—Oh yes, sir.—Very |
[Bows, and exit with reluctance, which Eleanor observes. |
ELEANOR. |
Pardon me, sir.—I understood my brother |
SIR GEORGE. |
He is but this instant gone, and will return |
Why do you cast your eyes with such impatience |
ELEANOR. |
For heaven sake, why am I locked in? |
SIR GEORGE. |
Because you should not escape. |
ELEANOR. |
That makes me resolve I will—Open the |
[Going to it. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Nay, listen to me. Your sentiments, I make |
ELEANOR. |
No, from misfortunes—yet more instructive. |
SIR GEORGE. |
You shall never know misfortune more—you, |
ELEANOR. |
My brother!—Has he received money from |
SIR GEORGE. |
How! Family, indeed! |
ELEANOR. |
I cannot remain here a moment longer. Open |
[Raising her voice. |
BLUNTLY. |
[Without. |
Sir, sir, sir,—open the door, if you please— |
SIR GEORGE. |
S'death! who can want me in such haste? |
[Opens the door, and appears confounded. |
Enter Bluntly. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Well, sir! |
BLUNTLY. |
——Did you call, sir? |
SIR GEORGE. |
It was you who called, sir. |
BLUNTLY. |
Who, I, sir? |
SIR GEORGE. |
Yes, sir, you—Who wants me? |
BLUNTLY. |
[Looking at Eleanor. |
Perhaps it was you that called, Ma'am. |
ELEANOR. |
It was I that called: and pray be so kind as |
[Bluntly offers her his hand. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Dare not to touch her—or to stay another |
[Bluntly looks at Eleanor aside, and points to the pistol; then bows humbly, and retires. |
SIR GEORGE. |
And now, my fair Lucretia—— |
[He is going to seize her—she takes up the pistol and presents it. |
ELEANOR. |
No, it's not myself I'll kill—'Tis you. |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Starting. |
Nay, nay, nay, lay it down.—Lay that foolish |
ELEANOR. |
I mean it to go off. |
SIR GEORGE. |
But no jesting—I never liked jesting in my |
ELEANOR. |
Nor I—but am always serious.—Dare not, |
[Passes by him, presenting the pistol. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Go to the—— |
[She turns short at the door, and presents it again. |
SIR GEORGE. |
What would you do?—Here Bluntly! Bluntly! |
[Exit Eleanor. |
Enter Bluntly. |
BLUNTLY. |
Did you call or no, sir? |
SIR GEORGE. |
Yes, sir, I did call now. (In a threatening |
BLUNTLY. |
Yes, sir, I think I have. |
SIR GEORGE. |
I am not joking. |
BLUNTLY. |
Nor am I, sir. |
SIR GEORGE. |
And do not you think I should behave very |
BLUNTLY. |
As well as can be expected, sir. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Why did you break in upon me just now? |
BLUNTLY. |
No, sir, I suspected neither love nor murder. |
SIR GEORGE. |
What then did you suspect? |
BLUNTLY. |
Why, sir, if I may make bold to speak—I |
SIR GEORGE. |
Blockhead! I suppose you mean her virtue? |
[Smiling with contempt. |
BLUNTLY. |
Why, to say the truth, sir, virtue is a currency |
Enter Henry. |
HENRY. |
Sir George, my father, liberated from prison |
Enter Willford and Eleanor. |
ELEANOR. |
[Holding her father by the hand, to prevent his going forward. |
Oh, my father! whither are you going? Turn |
HENRY. |
[To his father. |
This is your benefactor—the man whose benevolence |
[Eleanor bursts into tears and retires up the stage. |
WILLFORD. |
How, sir, can I ever repay what I owe to you? |
SIR GEORGE. |
[In confusion. |
Very well—very well—'tis all very well. |
WILLFORD. |
You have been like mercy to us all. My |
SIR GEORGE. |
Let her alone—let her indulge her humour. |
WILLFORD. |
Speak, Eleanor. |
SIR GEORGE. |
No, I had rather she would be silent. |
WILLFORD. |
You offend me by this obstinacy. |
ELEANOR. |
[Going to Willford and taking his hand. |
Oh, my father!—Oh! I cannot——I cannot |
WILLFORD. |
Wherefore?—Explain this moment, what |
ELEANOR. |
You must return to confinement again. |
WILLFORD. |
How? |
ELEANOR. |
The money that has set you free, was given |
WILLFORD. |
Yes.—And with more joy than I left it. (To |
[Exit Henry and Eleanor. |
WILLFORD. |
[Addressing himself to Sir George. |
Your present is but deposited in a lawyer's |
SIR GEORGE. |
If the money is in a lawyer's hands, my good |
[Going. |
WILLFORD. |
Stay, Sir George—(he returns) And look me |
[Exeunt. |
END OF THE SECOND ACT. |
SCENE I. The apartment at Sir George
Splendorville's, where the night has
been passed at play—Several card-tables
with company playing—Sir George and
Lady Caroline at the same table. Sir
George rises furiously.
SIR GEORGE. |
Never was the whole train of misfortunes |
MR. LUCRE. |
[Waking from a sleep. |
What is all that? You have lost a great deal |
SIR GEORGE. |
Every guinea I had about me, and fifteen |
MR. LUCRE. |
Fifteen thousand guineas! and I have not |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Taking Lady Caroline aside. |
Lady Caroline, you are the sole person who |
LADY CAROLINE. |
If this is the proof you require, I consent. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Thank you.—And it is for double or quit.— |
[She shuffles and cuts. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Ay, it will be mine—thank you.—I shall be |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Your misfortunes, my dear Sir George—make |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Taking her again aside. |
No, they have rather opened my eyes, and |
LADY CAROLINE. |
[With the utmost indifference. |
That will do, sir—I depend upon your word; |
[Exit curtsying. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Ungrateful—cruel—she is gone without giving |
MR. LUCRE. |
[Coming forward. |
Indeed, my dear friend, I compassionate your |
LADY BRIDGET. |
My dear Sir George, your situation affects me |
[Exit. |
LORD HAZARD. |
Sir George, if I had any consolation to offer, |
[Exit Lord Hazard. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Good morning. |
[The company by degrees all steal out of the room, except Mr. Lucre. |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Looking around. |
Where are all my guests?—the greatest part |
MR. LUCRE. |
No, not at all—'tis the way of the world— |
SIR GEORGE. |
And are you, one of these friends? |
MR. LUCRE. |
I am like the rest of the world.—I was in the |
SIR GEORGE. |
But have not you a thousand times desired me, |
MR. LUCRE. |
And you do prove me now, do you not?— |
[Going. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Nay, but Lucre! consider the anguish in |
MR. LUCRE. |
My dear friend I cannot. Reflect that I am |
[Exit. |
SIR GEORGE. |
This is the world, such as I have heard it |
(Enter Bluntly.) |
Well, Bluntly—behold the friendship of the |
BLUNTLY. |
Ruined, sir? |
SIR GEORGE. |
Totally: and shall be forced to part with every |
BLUNTLY. |
But first, sir,—permit me to ask a favour of |
SIR GEORGE. |
A favour of me? I have no favours now |
BLUNTLY. |
I beg your pardon, sir—you have one—and |
SIR GEORGE. |
What would you ask of me? |
BLUNTLY. |
To remain along with you still.—I will never |
SIR GEORGE. |
I have then one friend left. (Embracing him.) |
Enter Blackman. |
BLACKMAN. |
Pardon me—sir—I beg ten thousand pardons |
SIR GEORGE. |
On the contrary, I have not yet been in bed. |
BLACKMAN. |
Has any thing unexpected happened? |
SIR GEORGE. |
Yes.—That I am ruined—inevitably ruined |
BLACKMAN. |
(Starting.) Lost all your fortune? |
SIR GEORGE. |
All I am worth—and as much more as I am |
[Blackman draws a chair, sits down with great familiarity, and stares Sir George rudely in the face. |
BLACKMAN. |
Lost all you are worth? He, he, he, he! |
SIR GEORGE. |
Bluntly, leave us a moment. (Exit Bluntly.) |
BLACKMAN. |
Why, in the state to which you have reduced |
SIR GEORGE. |
But how am I to obtain it? The lawyer in |
BLACKMAN. |
And suppose I should search, and find proofs? |
SIR GEORGE. |
If you advance no falsehood, I cannot have |
BLACKMAN. |
Falsehood!—falsehood!—I apprehend, Sir |
SIR GEORGE. |
How! Is truth, immutable truth, to be corrupted |
BLACKMAN. |
I was not speaking of truth—that, we have |
SIR GEORGE. |
I, must not say so, however, sir.—And in this |
BLACKMAN. |
Stick to your truth—but confide in me as |
SIR GEORGE. |
Tell me, but what you intend to say? |
BLACKMAN. |
I can't do that. In the practice of the law, |
SIR GEORGE. |
A mere lapse of memory, I have nothing to |
BLACKMAN. |
And my memory grows very bad; therefore |
SIR GEORGE. |
Come, let us begone—I am ready to go with |
BLACKMAN. |
I must first go home, and prepare a few |
SIR GEORGE. |
But call to mind that I rely upon your honour. |
BLACKMAN. |
Do you think Bluntly, your servant, is an |
SIR GEORGE. |
I am sure he is. |
BLACKMAN. |
Then, to quiet your fears, I will take him |
SIR GEORGE. |
I would stake my being upon his veracity. |
BLACKMAN. |
Call him in, then, and bid him do as I command |
SIR GEORGE. |
Here, Bluntly. (Enter Bluntly.) Mr. |
[Exit. |
BLACKMAN. |
You know, I suppose, the perilous situation |
[Bluntly shakes his head, and wipes his eyes. |
BLACKMAN. |
Good fellow! good fellow!—and you would, |
BLUNTLY. |
I would lay down my life. |
BLACKMAN. |
You can do it for less. Only put on a black |
BLUNTLY. |
What's that all? Oh! if I can save him by |
BLACKMAN. |
There's a good fellow. I sincerely thank |
[Shaking him by the hand. |
BLUNTLY. |
My dear Blackman, I beg your pardon for |
[Going. |
BLACKMAN. |
I have something more to say to you.—When |
BLUNTLY. |
And what will that be? |
BLACKMAN. |
Oh! something. |
BLUNTLY. |
I have no objection to say something—but I |
BLACKMAN. |
You seem to doubt me once more, sir? |
BLUNTLY. |
No, I am doubting you now for the first time; |
BLACKMAN. |
And will you not venture to say yes, and no, |
BLUNTLY. |
Why—I think I may venture to say yes to |
BLACKMAN. |
If you do not instantly follow me and do |
BLUNTLY. |
No, I would sooner go myself. |
BLACKMAN. |
Then why do you stand talking about a safe |
BLUNTLY. |
I have heard necessity has no law—but if it |
[Exeunt. |
SCENE II. A lawyer's study. Mr. Manly discovered at his writing-desk—a Servant attending. |
MANLY. |
Who do you say wants to speak with me? |
SERVANT. |
Mr. Lucre, sir. |
MANLY. |
And who else? |
SERVANT. |
A person who says his name is Willford, he |
MANLY. |
Show him to me directly. And take Mr. |
Enter Willford and Eleanor. |
MANLY. |
Come in—walk in, and let me know what I |
WILLFORD. |
I deposited, sir, in your clerk's hands, a sum |
MANLY. |
And why would you do this? |
WILLFORD. |
Because my honour—I mean my conscience— |
MANLY. |
Explain yourself. |
WILLFORD. |
A son of mine, received this sum I speak of, |
MANLY. |
And who is he? |
WILLFORD. |
Sir George Splendorville—I suppose you have |
MANLY. |
He, you mean, who by the desire of his father's |
WILLFORD. |
Sir! |
MANLY. |
The name, which some part of the family, |
WILLFORD. |
Good Heaven! Is there such a circumstance |
MANLY. |
Why do you ask with such emotion? |
WILLFORD. |
Because he is the man, in search of whom I |
MANLY. |
What relation?—Be particular in your answer. |
WILLFORD. |
A sister. |
MANLY. |
I thank you for your intelligence. You have |
WILLFORD. |
I did. |
MANLY. |
I give you joy then—for I have in my possession |
WILLFORD. |
[Turning to Eleanor. |
Now, Eleanor, arm yourself with fortitude— |
ELEANOR. |
Oh! Heavens! Do I lose a father such as you, |
MANLY. |
[To Willford. |
There can be no mistake on this occasion— |
WILLFORD. |
I have writings in my care, shall prove it beyond |
Enter Servant. |
SERVANT. |
Lady Caroline Seymour, sir, is at the door in |
MANLY. |
[To Willford and Eleanor. |
Will you do me the favour to step for a moment |
[Exit Willford and Eleanor. |
Enter Lady Caroline. |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Dear Mr. Manly, I have a thousand apologies |
MANLY. |
Your ladyship will please to sit down. |
[He draws chairs and they sit. |
LADY CAROLINE. |
You cannot be ignorant, Mr. Manly—you |
MANLY. |
Pardon me, madam—though not entrusted by |
LADY CAROLINE. |
That is plainly telling me he is worth nothing. |
MANLY. |
By no means—Sir George, in spite of his |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Not a guinea. I won it all from him last |
MANLY. |
You? You, who are to become his wife? |
LADY CAROLINE. |
I might, had I not been thus fortunate. But |
MANLY. |
Inconsiderate man!—what will be the end |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Indeed he has not—that has belonged to me |
MANLY. |
To you! |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Yes—Bought for me under another name by |
MANLY. |
Madman!—Yet your ladyship must excuse |
LADY CAROLINE. |
From Splendorville's own prodigality—from |
Enter Servant. SERVANT. |
Sir George Splendorville, sir, desires to speak |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Oh Heavens! do not let him see me here. |
[She is hastening to the room where Willford and his daughter are. |
MANLY. |
I have company there—walk in here, if you |
[Shows her another door and she enters. |
MANLY. |
[To the servant. |
Desire Sir George to walk in. |
Enter Sir George and Blackman. MANLY. |
Sir George, do me the favour to sit down. |
[He looks coolly on Blackman, and pointing to a chair says Good morning. They sit. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Mr. Manly, my attorney will let you know |
BLACKMAN. |
Why yes, Mr. Manly, it is extremely hard |
SIR GEORGE. |
I have had occasion for it I assure you Mr. |
MR. MANLY. |
But so may the person, sir, from whom you |
BLACKMAN. |
You are not afraid of ghosts, are you? |
MANLY. |
No, nor of robbers either:——you cannot |
BLACKMAN. |
Then depend upon it, the sister of Sir George |
MANLY. |
Her death! |
BLACKMAN. |
Yes, her death. Here is a certificate from |
MANLY. |
Buried too! |
BLACKMAN. |
Yes, sir, buried. Here is also an affidavit |
[Mr. Manly takes the paper, and while he is reading, Sir George says apart—— |
SIR GEORGE. |
How near to the brink of infamy has my Mr. Manly, I will leave you for the present; |
MANLY. |
Stay, Sir George, and—— |
BLACKMAN. |
Aye, Sir George, stay and see Mr. Manly's |
MANLY. |
And who is he? |
BLACKMAN. |
The apothecary, who attended Sir George's |
[Sir George starts. |
MANLY. |
Desire him to walk in by all means. What is |
BLACKMAN. |
Sir George is something nervous, Mr. Manly; |
[Blackman goes to the door, and leads on Bluntly, dressed in mourning. |
SIR GEORGE. |
[Aside. |
Bluntly!—But I will see the end of this. |
MANLY. |
(Bowing to him). You are an apothecary, I |
[Bluntly looks at Blackman] BLACKMAN. |
Yes, sir. |
BLUNTLY. |
(After seeming inclined to say, No). Yes, sir. |
MANLY. |
Pray sir, what disorder took the young lady, |
[Bluntly looks at Blackman.] |
BLACKMAN. |
Oh! the old disorder, I suppose. |
BLUNTLY. |
The old disorder. |
MANLY. |
And pray what may that be, sir? (Blackman |
BLUNTLY. |
I—I—mean—Love, sir. |
MANLY. |
You will not pretend to say, that love, was the |
BLUNTLY. |
(Confused and hesitating). That—and a few fits |
MANLY. |
I fear, sir, you are not in perfect health yourself |
BLACKMAN. |
That is because the subject affects him. |
MANLY. |
Do you then never mention the young lady |
BLUNTLY. |
Never, sir—for had you seen her as I did— |
SIR GEORGE. |
(Rising from his chair). Blackman, this is too |
BLACKMAN. |
(To Bluntly.) Desist—He cannot bear to hear |
BLUNTLY. |
No more can I—for though she was not my |
SIR GEORGE. |
I can bear no more.—Mr. Manly, you are imposed |
BLACKMAN. |
Mighty fine! |
SIR GEORGE. |
I have no authority, sir, to affirm, that my |
BLACKMAN. |
Grief has turned his brain. |
MANLY. |
Sir George, I honour your feelings; and as for |
SIR GEORGE. |
Sir! |
BLACKMAN. |
How? In what way? |
MANLY. |
(Going to the door where Willford and his |
SIR GEORGE. |
She, my sister! Her pretended father my |
BLUNTLY. |
And so you have me. |
BLACKMAN. |
Pshaw.—Mr. Manly, notwithstanding you |
MANLY. |
[Going to the door. |
Who's there? [Enter Servant.] Shew that— |
BLACKMAN. |
Sir George, will you suffer this? |
SIR GEORGE. |
Aye, and a great deal more. |
BLUNTLY. |
Look'ee Blackman.—If you don't fall |
BLACKMAN. |
Beat me—do, beat me—I'll thank you for |
[Exit with Bluntly. |
SIR GEORGE. |
My sister—with the sincerest joy I call you |
WILLFORD. |
Continue still that regard, and even that fear |
ELEANOR. |
My brother—— |
SIR GEORGE. |
I have been unworthy of you—I will be so |
[Lady Caroline comes softly from the inner apartment, and attends to the discourse. |
ELEANOR. |
My brother, do not imagine—— |
SIR GEORGE. |
Leave me, leave me to all the agonies of my |
LADY CAROLINE. |
[Coming forward. |
No, Sir George, nothing—since I possess all |
SIR GEORGE. |
How! |
LADY CAROLINE. |
Behold a friend in your necessities—a mistress I received your lavish presents, but to hoard |
SIR GEORGE. |
Can this be real? Can I be raised in one |
Enter Servant. SERVANT. |
A young man, who says he is Mr. Willford's |
MANLY. |
Shew him in. |
[Sir George and Lady Caroline retire to the back part of the stage. |
Enter Henry. WILLFORD. |
Come, Henry, and take leave of your sister |
HENRY. |
How so, sir?—What do you mean? To be |
MANLY. |
The affection with which you speak, young |
WILLFORD. |
I some years since revealed to him she was |
ELEANOR. |
And he, some years since, implied it to me. |
SIR GEORGE. |
Then, my dearest sister, indulge the hope you |
HENRY. |
I am in doubt of what I hear—Eleanor, since |
MANLY. |
Be not surprised—great discoveries, which we |
SIR GEORGE. |
True—for till this day arose, I had passed |
THE END. |
By T. VAUGHAN, Esq.
"Long before the beginning of this Play," | |
I heard some deep ones in the Green-Room, say, | |
They had their fears and doubts—whilst some did quake— | |
And others wish'd it bed-time for her sake. | |
Do you, our best Physicians, ever kind, | } |
Prescribe our true Cephalic for the Mind, | |
Of these our Neighbours, and kind Friends—behind, | |
And with it, give a cordial of the best, | |
To one, with deepest Gratitude imprest. | |
For some there are—I have them in my eye— | |
Will sicken and turn pale with jealousy, | |
Whene'er we scribbling Women wield the Pen, | |
Or dare invade the Rights of scribbling Men; | |
And fir'd with zeal, in dread array appear— | |
With Tenets from the learned Hemisphere; | |
Thence cry (kind Souls) "Invention is the only Art, | |
And mere Translation but a second Part; | |
Besides—we Men of Taste—can ne'er withstand | |
E'en Nature's Garrick thus at second Hand! | |
Then why do Comic Writers live on Theft, | |
When such Ragouts and Dainties still are left? | |
Not richer were, in Congreve's days or Behn, | |
For now, the Males are Females—Women, Men— | |
Nay some so manly, and so orthodox, | |
Will drive you four in Hand—or hold the Box; | |
And if perchance the fatal Die is thrown, | |
Will storm and swear, like any Lord in Town." | |
But might I whisper in this Censor's ear, | |
And as for you, ye Fair, how blooms the Cheek, | |
Check then with me these Censors as unjust, | |
Use for a signal then—your Magic Fan, |
TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE
Contemporary spellings and hyphenation have been retained even where inconsistent. The following changes have been made and can be identified in the body of the text by a grey dotted underline: |
|
return to town and dress for your receptiou | return to town and dress for your reception |
I know no other way to shew my humility, then to accept your present | I know no other way to shew my humility, than to accept your present |
You were giving me an an account, Bluntly | You were giving me an account, Bluntly |
WILLORD | WILLFORD |
Still an object I adore; but I now perceive your are one to my ruin devoted. | Still an object I adore; but I now perceive you are one to my ruin devoted. |
Lucre, my dear Lucre, are not you amazed at at what you see? | Lucre, my dear Lucre, are not you amazed at what you see? |
(…) being insured from any future emand by some certain proofs. | (…) being insured from any future demand by some certain proofs. |
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