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Title: Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded
Author: Samuel Richardson
Release Date: July, 2004 [EBook #6124]
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Edition: 10
Language: English
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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PAMELA, BY SAMUEL RICHARDSON ***
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PAMELA
OR
VIRTUE REWARDED
by Samuel Richardson
PUBLISHERS' NOTE
Samuel Richardson, the first, in order of time, of the great English
novelists, was born in 1689 and died at London in 1761. He was a printer
by trade, and rose to be master of the Stationers' Company. That he also
became a novelist was due to his skill as a letter-writer, which brought
him, in his fiftieth year, a commission to write a volume of model
"familiar letters" as an aid to persons too illiterate to compose their
own. The notion of connecting these letters by a story which had
interested him suggested the plot of "Pamela" and determined its
epistolary form--a form which was retained in his later works.
This novel (published 1740) created an epoch in the history of English
fiction, and, with its successors, exerted a wide influence upon
Continental literature. It is appropriately included in a series which
is designed to form a group of studies of English life by the masters of
English fiction. For it marked the transition from the novel of
adventure to the novel of character--from the narration of entertaining
events to the study of men and of manners, of motives and of sentiments.
In it the romantic interest of the story (which is of the slightest) is
subordinated to the moral interest in the conduct of its characters in
the various situations in which they are placed. Upon this aspect of the
"drama of human life" Richardson cast a most observant, if not always a
penetrating glance. His works are an almost microscopically detailed
picture of English domestic life in the early part of the eighteenth
century.
PAMELA;
OR,
VIRTUE REWARDED
LETTER I
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I have great trouble, and some comfort, to acquaint you with. The
trouble is, that my good lady died of the illness I mentioned to you, and
left us all much grieved for the loss of her; for she was a dear good
lady, and kind to all us her servants. Much I feared, that as I was
taken by her ladyship to wait upon her person, I should be quite
destitute again, and forced to return to you and my poor mother, who have
enough to do to maintain yourselves; and, as my lady's goodness had put
me to write and cast accounts, and made me a little expert at my needle,
and otherwise qualified above my degree, it was not every family that
could have found a place that your poor Pamela was fit for: but God,
whose graciousness to us we have so often experienced at a pinch, put it
into my good lady's heart, on her death-bed, just an hour before she
expired, to recommend to my young master all her servants, one by one;
and when it came to my turn to be recommended, (for I was sobbing and
crying at her pillow) she could only say, My dear son!--and so broke off
a little; and then recovering--Remember my poor Pamela--And these were
some of her last words! O how my eyes run--Don't wonder to see the paper
so blotted.
Well, but God's will must be done!--And so comes the comfort, that I
shall not be obliged to return back to be a clog upon my dear parents!
For my master said, I will take care of you all, my good maidens; and for
you, Pamela, (and took me by the hand; yes, he took my hand before them
all,) for my dear mother's sake, I will be a friend to you, and you shall
take care of my linen. God bless him! and pray with me, my dear father
and mother, for a blessing upon him, for he has given mourning and a
year's wages to all my lady's servants; and I having no wages as yet, my
lady having said she should do for me as I deserved, ordered the
housekeeper to give me mourning with the rest; and gave me with his own
hand four golden guineas, and some silver, which were in my old lady's
pocket when she died; and said, if I was a good girl, and faithful and
diligent, he would be a friend to me, for his mother's sake. And so I
send you these four guineas for your comfort; for Providence will not let
me want: And so you may pay some old debt with part, and keep the other
part to comfort you both. If I get more, I am sure it is my duty, and it
shall be my care, to love and cherish you both; for you have loved and
cherished me, when I could do nothing for myself. I send them by John,
our footman, who goes your way: but he does not know what he carries;
because I seal them up in one of the little pill-boxes, which my lady
had, wrapt close in paper, that they mayn't chink; and be sure don't open
it before him.
I know, dear father and mother, I must give you both grief and pleasure;
and so I will only say, Pray for your Pamela; who will ever be
Your most dutiful DAUGHTER.
I have been scared out of my senses; for just now, as I was folding up
this letter in my late lady's dressing-room, in comes my young master!
Good sirs! how was I frightened! I went to hide the letter in my bosom;
and he, seeing me tremble, said, smiling, To whom have you been writing,
Pamela?--I said, in my confusion, Pray your honour forgive me!--Only to
my father and mother. He said, Well then, let me see how you are come on
in your writing! O how ashamed I was!--He took it, without saying more,
and read it quite through, and then gave it me again;--and I said, Pray
your honour forgive me!--Yet I know not for what: for he was always
dutiful to his parents; and why should he be angry that I was so to mine?
And indeed he was not angry; for he took me by the hand, and said, You
are a good girl, Pamela, to be kind to your aged father and mother. I am
not angry with you for writing such innocent matters as these: though you
ought to be wary what tales you send out of a family.--Be faithful and
diligent; and do as you should do, and I like you the better for this.
And then he said, Why, Pamela, you write a very pretty hand, and spell
tolerably too. I see my good mother's care in your learning has not been
thrown away upon you. She used to say you loved reading; you may look
into any of her books, to improve yourself, so you take care of them. To
be sure I did nothing but courtesy and cry, and was all in confusion, at
his goodness. Indeed he is the best of gentlemen, I think! But I am
making another long letter: So will only add to it, that I shall ever be
Your dutiful daughter, PAMELA ANDREWS.
LETTER II
[In answer to the preceding.]
DEAR PAMELA,
Your letter was indeed a great trouble, and some comfort, to me and your
poor mother. We are troubled, to be sure, for your good lady's death,
who took such care of you, and gave you learning, and, for three or four
years past, has always been giving you clothes and linen, and every thing
that a gentlewoman need not be ashamed to appear in. But our chief
trouble is, and indeed a very great one, for fear you should be brought
to anything dishonest or wicked, by being set so above yourself. Every
body talks how you have come on, and what a genteel girl you are; and
some say you are very pretty; and, indeed, six months since, when I saw
you last, I should have thought so myself, if you was not our child. But
what avails all this, if you are to be ruined and undone!--Indeed, my
dear Pamela, we begin to be in great fear for you; for what signify all
the riches in the world, with a bad conscience, and to be dishonest! We
are, 'tis true, very poor, and find it hard enough to live; though once,
as you know, it was better with us. But we would sooner live upon the
water, and, if possible, the clay of the ditches I contentedly dig, than
live better at the price of our child's ruin.
I hope the good 'squire has no design: but when he has given you so much
money, and speaks so kindly to you, and praises your coming on; and, oh,
that fatal word! that he would be kind to you, if you would do as you
should do, almost kills us with fears.
I have spoken to good old widow Mumford about it, who, you know, has
formerly lived in good families; and she puts us in some comfort; for she
says it is not unusual, when a lady dies, to give what she has about her
person to her waiting-maid, and to such as sit up with her in her
illness. But, then, why should he smile so kindly upon you? Why should
he take such a poor girl as you by the hand, as your letter says he has
done twice? Why should he stoop to read your letter to us; and commend
your writing and spelling? And why should he give you leave to read his
mother's books?--Indeed, indeed, my dearest child, our hearts ache for
you; and then you seem so full of joy at his goodness, so taken with his
kind expressions, (which, truly, are very great favours, if he means
well) that we fear--yes, my dear child, we fear--you should be too
grateful,--and reward him with that jewel, your virtue, which no riches,
nor favour, nor any thing in this life, can make up to you.
I, too, have written a long letter, but will say one thing more; and that
is, that, in the midst of our poverty and misfortunes, we have trusted in
God's goodness, and been honest, and doubt not to be happy hereafter, if
we continue to be good, though our lot is hard here; but the loss of our
dear child's virtue would be a grief that we could not bear, and would
bring our grey hairs to the grave at once.
If, then, you love us, if you wish for God's blessing, and your own
future happiness, we both charge you to stand upon your guard: and, if
you find the least attempt made upon your virtue, be sure you leave every
thing behind you, and come away to us; for we had rather see you all
covered with rags, and even follow you to the churchyard, than have it
said, a child of ours preferred any worldly conveniences to her virtue.
We accept kindly your dutiful present; but, till we are out of pain,
cannot make use of it, for fear we should partake of the price of our
poor daughter's shame: so have laid it up in a rag among the thatch, over
the window, for a while, lest we should be robbed. With our blessings,
and our hearty prayers for you, we remain,
Your careful, but loving Father and Mother,
JOHN AND ELIZABETH ANDREWS.
LETTER III
DEAR FATHER,
I must needs say, your letter has filled me with trouble, for it has made
my heart, which was overflowing with gratitude for my master's goodness,
suspicious and fearful: and yet I hope I shall never find him to act
unworthy of his character; for what could he get by ruining such a poor
young creature as me? But that which gives me most trouble is, that you
seem to mistrust the honesty of your child. No, my dear father and
mother, be assured, that, by God's grace, I never will do any thing that
shall bring your grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. I will die a
thousand deaths, rather than be dishonest any way. Of that be assured,
and set your hearts at rest; for although I have lived above myself for
some time past, yet I can be content with rags and poverty, and bread and
water, and will embrace them, rather than forfeit my good name, let who
will be the tempter. And of this pray rest satisfied, and think better
of Your dutiful DAUGHTER till death.
My master continues to be very affable to me. As yet I see no cause to
fear any thing. Mrs. Jervis, the housekeeper, too, is very civil to me,
and I have the love of every body. Sure they can't all have designs
against me, because they are civil! I hope I shall always behave so as
to be respected by every one; and that nobody would do me more hurt than
I am sure I would do them. Our John so often goes your way, that I will
always get him to call, that you may hear from me, either by writing,
(for it brings my hand in,) or by word of mouth.
LETTER IV
DEAR MOTHER,
For the last was to my father, in answer to his letter; and so I will now
write to you; though I have nothing to say, but what will make me look
more like a vain hussy, than any thing else: However, I hope I shan't be
so proud as to forget myself. Yet there is a secret pleasure one has to
hear one's self praised. You must know, then, that my Lady Davers, who,
I need not tell you, is my master's sister, has been a month at our
house, and has taken great notice of me, and given me good advice to keep
myself to myself. She told me I was a pretty wench, and that every body
gave me a very good character, and loved me; and bid me take care to keep
the fellows at a distance; and said, that I might do, and be more valued
for it, even by themselves.
But what pleased me much was, what I am going to tell you; for at table,
as Mrs. Jervis says, my master and her ladyship talking of me, she told
him she thought me the prettiest wench she ever saw in her life; and that
I was too pretty to live in a bachelor's house; since no lady he might
marry would care to continue me with her. He said, I was vastly
improved, and had a good share of prudence, and sense above my years; and
that it would be pity, that what was my merit should be my misfortune.--
No, says my good lady, Pamela shall come and live with me, I think. He
said, with all his heart; he should be glad to have me so well provided
for. Well, said she, I'll consult my lord about it. She asked how old I
was; and Mrs. Jervis said, I was fifteen last February. O! says she, if
the wench (for so she calls all us maiden servants) takes care of
herself, she'll improve yet more and more, as well in her person as mind.
Now, my dear father and mother, though this may look too vain to be
repeated by me; yet are you not rejoiced, as well as I, to see my master
so willing to part with me?--This shews that he has nothing bad in his
heart. But John is just going away; and so I have only to say, that I
am, and will always be,
Your honest as well as dutiful DAUGHTER.
Pray make use of the money. You may now do it safely.
LETTER V
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
John being to go your way, I am willing to write, because he is so
willing to carry any thing for me. He says it does him good at his heart
to see you both, and to hear you talk. He says you are both so sensible,
and so honest, that he always learns something from you to the purpose.
It is a thousand pities, he says, that such worthy hearts should not have
better luck in the world! and wonders, that you, my father, who are so
well able to teach, and write so good a hand, succeeded no better in the
school you attempted to set up; but was forced to go to such hard labour.
But this is more pride to me, that I am come of such honest parents, than
if I had been born a lady.
I hear nothing yet of going to Lady Davers; and I am very easy at present
here: for Mrs. Jervis uses me as if I were her own daughter, and is a
very good woman, and makes my master's interest her own. She is always
giving me good counsel, and I love her next to you two, I think, best of
any body. She keeps so good rule and order, she is mightily respected by
us all; and takes delight to hear me read to her; and all she loves to
hear read, is good books, which we read whenever we are alone; so that I
think I am at home with you. She heard one of our men, Harry, who is no
better than he should be, speak freely to me; I think he called me his
pretty Pamela, and took hold of me, as if he would have kissed me; for
which, you may be sure, I was very angry: and she took him to task, and
was as angry at him as could be; and told me she was very well pleased to
see my prudence and modesty, and that I kept all the fellows at a
distance. And indeed I am sure I am not proud, and carry it civilly to
every body; but yet, methinks, I cannot bear to be looked upon by these
men-servants, for they seem as if they would look one through; and, as I
generally breakfast, dine, and sup, with Mrs. Jervis, (so good she is to
me,) I am very easy that I have so little to say to them. Not but they
are civil to me in the main, for Mrs. Jervis's sake, who they see loves
me; and they stand in awe of her, knowing her to be a gentlewoman born,
though she has had misfortunes. I am going on again with a long letter;
for I love writing, and shall tire you. But, when I began, I only
intended to say, that I am quite fearless of any danger now: and, indeed,
cannot but wonder at myself, (though your caution to me was your watchful
love,) that I should be so foolish as to be so uneasy as I have been: for
I am sure my master would not demean himself, so as to think upon such a
poor girl as I, for my harm. For such a thing would ruin his credit, as
well as mine, you know: who, to be sure, may expect one of the best
ladies in the land. So no more at present, but that I am
Your ever dutiful DAUGHTER.
LETTER VI
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
My master has been very kind since my last; for he has given me a suit of
my late lady's clothes, and half a dozen of her shifts, and six fine
handkerchiefs, and three of her cambric aprons, and four holland ones.
The clothes are fine silk, and too rich and too good for me, to be sure.
I wish it was no affront to him to make money of them, and send it to
you: it would do me more good.
You will be full of fears, I warrant now, of some design upon me, till I
tell you, that he was with Mrs. Jervis when he gave them me; and he gave
her a mort of good things, at the same time, and bid her wear them in
remembrance of her good friend, my lady, his mother. And when he gave me
these fine things, he said, These, Pamela, are for you; have them made
fit for you, when your mourning is laid by, and wear them for your good
mistress's sake. Mrs. Jervis gives you a very good word; and I would
have you continue to behave as prudently as you have done hitherto, and
every body will be your friend.
I was so surprised at his goodness, that I could not tell what to say. I
courtesied to him, and to Mrs. Jervis for her good word; and said, I
wished I might be deserving of his favour, and her kindness: and nothing
should be wanting in me, to the best of my knowledge.
O how amiable a thing is doing good!--It is all I envy great folks for.
I always thought my young master a fine gentleman, as every body says he
is: but he gave these good things to us both with such a graciousness, as
I thought he looked like an angel.
Mrs. Jervis says, he asked her, If I kept the men at a distance? for, he
said, I was very pretty; and to be drawn in to have any of them, might be
my ruin, and make me poor and miserable betimes. She never is wanting to
give me a good word, and took occasion to lanch out in my praise, she
says. But I hope she has said no more than I shall try to deserve,
though I mayn't at present. I am sure I will always love her, next to
you and my dear mother. So I rest
Your ever dutiful DAUGHTER.
LETTER VII
DEAR FATHER,
Since my last, my master gave me more fine things. He called me up to my
late lady's closet, and, pulling out her drawers, he gave me two suits of
fine Flanders laced headclothes, three pair of fine silk shoes, two
hardly the worse, and just fit for me, (for my lady had a very little
foot,) and the other with wrought silver buckles in them; and several
ribands and top-knots of all colours; four pair of white fine cotton
stockings, and three pair of fine silk ones; and two pair of rich stays.
I was quite astonished, and unable to speak for a while; but yet I was
inwardly ashamed to take the stockings; for Mrs. Jervis was not there: If
she had, it would have been nothing. I believe I received them very
awkwardly; for he smiled at my awkwardness, and said, Don't blush,
Pamela: Dost think I don't know pretty maids should wear shoes and
stockings?
I was so confounded at these words, you might have beat me down with a
feather. For you must think, there was no answer to be made to this: So,
like a fool, I was ready to cry; and went away courtesying and blushing,
I am sure, up to the ears; for, though there was no harm in what he said,
yet I did not know how to take it. But I went and told all to Mrs.
Jervis, who said, God put it into his heart to be good to me; and I must
double my diligence. It looked to her, she said, as if he would fit me
in dress for a waiting-maid's place on Lady Davers's own person.
But still your kind fatherly cautions came into my head, and made all
these gifts nothing near to me what they would have been. But yet, I
hope, there is no reason; for what good could it do to him to harm such a
simple maiden as me? Besides, to be sure no lady would look upon him, if
he should so disgrace himself. So I will make myself easy; and, indeed,
I should never have been otherwise, if you had not put it into my head;
for my good, I know very well. But, may be, without these uneasinesses
to mingle with these benefits, I might be too much puffed up: So I will
conclude, all that happens is for our good; and God bless you, my dear
father and mother; and I know you constantly pray for a blessing upon me;
who am, and shall always be,
Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
LETTER VIII
DEAR PAMELA,
I cannot but renew my cautions on your master's kindness, and his free
expression to you about the stockings. Yet there may not be, and I hope
there is not, any thing in it. But when I reflect, that there possibly
may, and that if there should, no less depends upon it than my child's
everlasting happiness in this world and the next; it is enough to make
one fearful for you. Arm yourself, my dear child, for the worst; and
resolve to lose your life sooner than your virtue. What though the
doubts I filled you with, lessen the pleasure you would have had in your
master's kindness; yet what signify the delights that arise from a few
paltry fine clothes, in comparison with a good conscience?
These are, indeed, very great favours that he heaps upon you, but so much
the more to be suspected; and when you say he looked so amiably, and like
an angel, how afraid I am, that they should make too great an impression
upon you! For, though you are blessed with sense and prudence above your
years, yet I tremble to think, what a sad hazard a poor maiden of little
more than fifteen years of age stands against the temptations of this
world, and a designing young gentleman, if he should prove so, who has so
much power to oblige, and has a kind of authority to command, as your
master.
I charge you, my dear child, on both our blessings, poor as we are, to be
on your guard; there can be no harm in that. And since Mrs. Jervis is so
good a gentlewoman, and so kind to you, I am the easier a great deal, and
so is your mother; and we hope you will hide nothing from her, and take
her counsel in every thing. So, with our blessings, and assured prayers
for you, more than for ourselves, we remain,
Your loving FATHER AND MOTHER.
Be sure don't let people's telling you, you are pretty, puff you up; for
you did not make yourself, and so can have no praise due to you for it.
It is virtue and goodness only, that make the true beauty. Remember
that, Pamela.
LETTER IX
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I am sorry to write you word, that the hopes I had of going to wait on
Lady Davers, are quite over. My lady would have had me; but my master,
as I heard by the by, would not consent to it. He said her nephew might
be taken with me, and I might draw him in, or be drawn in by him; and he
thought, as his mother loved me, and committed me to his care, he ought
to continue me with him; and Mrs. Jervis would be a mother to me. Mrs.
Jervis tells me the lady shook her head, and said, Ah! brother! and that
was all. And as you have made me fearful by your cautions, my heart at
times misgives me. But I say nothing yet of your caution, or my own
uneasiness, to Mrs. Jervis; not that I mistrust her, but for fear she
should think me presumptuous, and vain and conceited, to have any fears
about the matter, from the great distance between such a gentleman, and
so poor a girl. But yet Mrs. Jervis seemed to build something upon Lady
Davers's shaking her head, and saying, Ah! brother! and no more. God, I
hope, will give me his grace: and so I will not, if I can help it, make
myself too uneasy; for I hope there is no occasion. But every little
matter that happens, I will acquaint you with, that you may continue to
me your good advice, and pray for
Your sad-hearted PAMELA.
LETTER X
DEAR MOTHER,
You and my good father may wonder you have not had a letter from me in so
many weeks; but a sad, sad scene, has been the occasion of it. For to be
sure, now it is too plain, that all your cautions were well grounded. O
my dear mother! I am miserable, truly miserable!--But yet, don't be
frightened, I am honest!--God, of his goodness, keep me so!
O this angel of a master! this fine gentleman! this gracious benefactor
to your poor Pamela! who was to take care of me at the prayer of his good
dying mother; who was so apprehensive for me, lest I should be drawn in
by Lord Davers's nephew, that he would not let me go to Lady Davers's:
This very gentleman (yes, I must call him gentleman, though he has fallen
from the merit of that title) has degraded himself to offer freedoms to
his poor servant! He has now shewed himself in his true colours; and, to
me, nothing appear so black, and so frightful.
I have not been idle; but had writ from time to time, how he, by sly mean
degrees, exposed his wicked views; but somebody stole my letter, and I
know not what has become of it. It was a very long one. I fear, he that
was mean enough to do bad things, in one respect, did not stick at this.
But be it as it will, all the use he can make of it will be, that he may
be ashamed of his part; I not of mine: for he will see I was resolved to
be virtuous, and gloried in the honesty of my poor parents.
I will tell you all, the next opportunity; for I am watched very
narrowly; and he says to Mrs. Jervis, This girl is always scribbling; I
think she may be better employed. And yet I work all hours with my
needle, upon his linen, and the fine linen of the family; and am,
besides, about flowering him a waistcoat.--But, oh! my heart's broke
almost; for what am I likely to have for my reward, but shame and
disgrace, or else ill words, and hard treatment! I'll tell you all soon,
and hope I shall find my long letter.
Your most afflicted DAUGHTER.
May-be, I he and him too much: but it is his own fault if I do. For why
did he lose all his dignity with me?
LETTER XI
DEAR MOTHER,
Well, I can't find my letter, and so I'll try to recollect it all, and be
as brief as I can. All went well enough in the main for some time after
my letter but one. At last, I saw some reason to suspect; for he would
look upon me, whenever he saw me, in such a manner, as shewed not well;
and one day he came to me, as I was in the summer-house in the little
garden, at work with my needle, and Mrs. Jervis was just gone from me;
and I would have gone out, but he said, No don't go, Pamela; I have
something to say to you; and you always fly me when I come near you, as
if you were afraid of me.
I was much out of countenance, you may well think; but said, at last, It
does not become your good servant to stay in your presence, sir, without
your business required it; and I hope I shall always know my place.
Well, says he, my business does require it sometimes; and I have a mind
you should stay to hear what I have to say to you.
I stood still confounded, and began to tremble, and the more when he took
me by the hand; for now no soul was near us.
My sister Davers, said he, (and seemed, I thought, to be as much at a
loss for words as I,) would have had you live with her; but she would not
do for you what I am resolved to do, if you continue faithful and
obliging. What say'st thou, my girl? said he, with some eagerness;
had'st thou not rather stay with me, than go to my sister Davers? He
looked so, as filled me with affrightment; I don't know how; wildly, I
thought.
I said, when I could speak, Your honour will forgive me; but as you have
no lady for me to wait upon, and my good lady has been now dead this
twelvemonth, I had rather, if it would not displease you, wait upon Lady
Davers, because--
I was proceeding, and he said, a little hastily--Because you are a little
fool, and know not what's good for yourself. I tell you I will make a
gentlewoman of you, if you be obliging, and don't stand in your own
light; and so saying, he put his arm about me, and kissed me!
Now, you will say, all his wickedness appeared plainly. I struggled and
trembled, and was so benumbed with terror, that I sunk down, not in a
fit, and yet not myself; and I found myself in his arms, quite void of
strength; and he kissed me two or three times, with frightful eagerness.
--At last I burst from him, and was getting out of the summer-house; but
he held me back, and shut the door.
I would have given my life for a farthing. And he said, I'll do you no
harm, Pamela; don't be afraid of me. I said, I won't stay. You won't,
hussy! said he: Do you know whom you speak to? I lost all fear, and all
respect, and said, Yes, I do, sir, too well!--Well may I forget that I am
your servant, when you forget what belongs to a master.
I sobbed and cried most sadly. What a foolish hussy you are! said he:
Have I done you any harm? Yes, sir, said I, the greatest harm in the
world: You have taught me to forget myself and what belongs to me, and
have lessened the distance that fortune has made between us, by demeaning
yourself, to be so free to a poor servant. Yet, sir, I will be bold to
say, I am honest, though poor: and if you was a prince, I would not be
otherwise.
He was angry, and said, Who would have you otherwise, you foolish slut!
Cease your blubbering. I own I have demeaned myself; but it was only to
try you. If you can keep this matter secret, you'll give me the better
opinion of your prudence; and here's something, said he, putting some
gold in my hand, to make you amends for the fright I put you in. Go,
take a walk in the garden, and don't go in till your blubbering is over:
and I charge you say nothing of what is past, and all shall be well, and
I'll forgive you.
I won't take the money, indeed, sir, said I, poor as I am I won't take
it. For, to say truth, I thought it looked like taking earnest, and so I
put it upon the bench; and as he seemed vexed and confused at what he had
done, I took the opportunity to open the door, and went out of the
summer-house.
He called to me, and said, Be secret; I charge you, Pamela; and don't go
in yet, as I told you.
O how poor and mean must those actions be, and how little must they make
the best of gentlemen look, when they offer such things as are unworthy
of themselves, and put it into the power of their inferiors to be greater
than they!
I took a turn or two in the garden, but in sight of the house, for fear
of the worst; and breathed upon my hand to dry my eyes, because I would
not be too disobedient. My next shall tell you more.
Pray for me, my dear father and mother: and don't be angry I have not yet
run away from this house, so late my comfort and delight, but now my
terror and anguish. I am forced to break off hastily.
Your dutiful and honest DAUGHTER.
LETTER XII
DEAR MOTHER,
Well, I will now proceed with my sad story. And so, after I had dried my
eyes, I went in, and began to ruminate with myself what I had best to do.
Sometimes I thought I would leave the house and go to the next town, and
wait an opportunity to get to you; but then I was at a loss to resolve
whether to take away the things he had given me or no, and how to take
them away: Sometimes I thought to leave them behind me, and only go with
the clothes on my back, but then I had two miles and a half, and a byway,
to the town; and being pretty well dressed, I might come to some harm,
almost as bad as what I would run away from; and then may-be, thought I,
it will be reported, I have stolen something, and so was forced to run
away; and to carry a bad name back with me to my dear parents, would be a
sad thing indeed!--O how I wished for my grey russet again, and my poor
honest dress, with which you fitted me out, (and hard enough too it was
for you to do it!) for going to this place, when I was not twelve years
old, in my good lady's days! Sometimes I thought of telling Mrs. Jervis,
and taking her advice, and only feared his command to be secret; for,
thought I, he may be ashamed of his actions, and never attempt the like
again: And as poor Mrs. Jervis depended upon him, through misfortunes,
that had attended her, I thought it would be a sad thing to bring his
displeasure upon her for my sake.
In this quandary, now considering, now crying, and not knowing what to
do, I passed the time in my chamber till evening; when desiring to be
excused going to supper, Mrs. Jervis came up to me, and said, Why must I
sup without you, Pamela? Come, I see you are troubled at something; tell
me what is the matter.
I begged I might be permitted to be with her on nights; for I was afraid
of spirits, and they would not hurt such a good person as she. That was
a silly excuse, she said; for why was not you afraid of spirits before?--
(Indeed I did not think of that.) But you shall be my bed-fellow with
all my heart, added she, let your reason be what it will; only come down
to supper. I begged to be excused; for, said I, I have been crying so,
that it will be taken notice of by my fellow-servants; and I will hide
nothing from you, Mrs. Jervis, when we are alone.
She was so good to indulge me; but made haste to come up to bed; and told
the servants, that I should be with her, because she could not rest well,
and would get me to read her to sleep; for she knew I loved reading, she
said.
When we were alone, I told her all that had passed; for I thought, though
he had bid me not, yet if he should come to know I had told, it would be
no worse; for to keep a secret of such a nature, would be, as I
apprehended, to deprive myself of the good advice which I never wanted
more; and might encourage him to think I did not resent it as I ought,
and would keep worse secrets, and so make him do worse by me. Was I
right, my dear mother?
Mrs. Jervis could not help mingling tears with my tears; for I cried all
the time I was telling her the story, and begged her to advise me what to
do; and I shewed her my dear father's two letters, and she praised the
honesty and enditing of them, and said pleasing things to me of you both.
But she begged I would not think of leaving my service; for, said she, in
all likelihood, you behaved so virtuously, that he will be ashamed of
what he has done, and never offer the like to you again: though, my dear
Pamela, said she, I fear more for your prettiness than for anything else;
because the best man in the land might love you: so she was pleased to
say. She wished it was in her power to live independent; then she would
take a little private house, and I should live with her like her
daughter.
And so, as you ordered me to take her advice, I resolved to tarry to see
how things went, except he was to turn me away; although, in your first
letter, you ordered me to come away the moment I had any reason to be
apprehensive. So, dear father and mother, it is not disobedience, I
hope, that I stay; for I could not expect a blessing, or the good fruits
of your prayers for me, if I was disobedient.
All the next day I was very sad, and began my long letter. He saw me
writing, and said (as I mentioned) to Mrs. Jervis, That girl is always
scribbling; methinks she might find something else to do, or to that
purpose. And when I had finished my letter, I put it under the toilet in
my late lady's dressing-room, whither nobody comes but myself and Mrs.
Jervis, besides my master; but when I came up again to seal it, to my
great concern, it was gone; and Mrs. Jervis knew nothing of it; and
nobody knew of my master's having been near the place in the time; so I
have been sadly troubled about it: But Mrs. Jervis, as well as I, thinks
he has it, some how or other; and he appears cross and angry, and seems
to shun me, as much as he said I did him. It had better be so than
worse!
But he has ordered Mrs. Jervis to bid me not pass so much time in
writing; which is a poor matter for such a gentleman as he to take notice
of, as I am not idle other ways, if he did not resent what he thought I
wrote upon. And this has no very good look.
But I am a good deal easier since I lie with Mrs. Jervis; though, after
all, the fears I live in on one side, and his frowning and displeasure at
what I do on the other, make me more miserable than enough.
O that I had never left my little bed in the loft, to be thus exposed to
temptations on one hand, or disgusts on the other! How happy was I
awhile ago! How contrary now!--Pity and pray for
Your afflicted PAMELA.
LETTER XIII
My DEAREST CHILD,
Our hearts bleed for your distress, and the temptations you are exposed
to. You have our hourly prayers; and we would have you flee this evil
great house and man, if you find he renews his attempts. You ought to
have done it at first, had you not had Mrs. Jervis to advise with. We
can find no fault in your conduct hitherto: But it makes our hearts ache
for fear of the worst. O my child! temptations are sore things,--but
yet, without them, we know not ourselves, nor what we are able to do.
Your danger is very great; for you have riches, youth, and a fine
gentleman, as the world reckons him, to withstand; but how great will be
your honour to withstand them! And when we consider your past conduct,
and your virtuous education, and that you have been bred to be more
ashamed of dishonesty than poverty, we trust in God, that He will enable
you to overcome. Yet, as we can't see but your life must be a burthen to
you, through the great apprehensions always upon you; and that it may be
presumptuous to trust too much to our own strength; and that you are but
very young; and the devil may put it into his heart to use some
stratagem, of which great men are full, to decoy you: I think you had
better come home to share our poverty with safety, than live with so much
discontent in a plenty, that itself may be dangerous. God direct you for
the best! While you have Mrs. Jervis for an adviser and bed-fellow,
(and, O my dear child! that was prudently done of you,) we are easier
than we should be; and so committing you to the divine protection, remain
Your truly loving, but careful,
FATHER and MOTHER.
LETTER XIV
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
Mrs. Jervis and I have lived very comfortably together for this fortnight
past; for my master was all that time at his Lincolnshire estate, and at
his sister's, the Lady Davers. But he came home yesterday. He had some
talk with Mrs. Jervis soon after, and mostly about me. He said to her,
it seems, Well, Mrs. Jervis, I know Pamela has your good word; but do you
think her of any use in the family? She told me she was surprised at the
question, but said, That I was one of the most virtuous and industrious
young creatures that ever she knew. Why that word virtuous, said he, I
pray you? Was there any reason to suppose her otherwise? Or has any
body taken it into his head to try her?--I wonder, sir, says she, you ask
such a question! Who dare offer any thing to her in such an orderly and
well-governed house as yours, and under a master of so good a character
for virtue and honour? Your servant, Mrs. Jervis, says he, for your good
opinion: but pray, if any body did, do you think Pamela would let you
know it? Why, sir, said she, she is a poor innocent young creature, and
I believe has so much confidence in me, that she would take my advice as
soon as she would her mother's. Innocent! again, and virtuous, I
warrant! Well, Mrs. Jervis, you abound with your epithets; but I take
her to be an artful young baggage; and had I a young handsome butler or
steward, she'd soon make her market of one of them, if she thought it
worth while to snap at him for a husband. Alack-a-day, sir, said she, it
is early days with Pamela; and she does not yet think of a husband, I
dare say: and your steward and butler are both men in years, and think
nothing of the matter. No, said he, if they were younger, they'd have
more wit than to think of such a girl; I'll tell you my mind of her, Mrs.
Jervis: I don't think this same favourite of yours so very artless a girl
as you imagine. I am not to dispute with your honour, said Mrs. Jervis;
but I dare say, if the men will let her alone, she'll never trouble
herself about them. Why, Mrs. Jervis, said he, are there any men that
will not let her alone, that you know of? No, indeed, sir, said she; she
keeps herself so much to herself, and yet behaves so prudently, that they
all esteem her, and shew her as great a respect as if she was a
gentlewoman born.
Ay, says he, that's her art, that I was speaking of: but, let me tell
you, the girl has vanity and conceit, and pride too, or I am mistaken;
and, perhaps, I could give you an instance of it. Sir, said she, you can
see farther than such a poor silly woman as I am; but I never saw any
thing but innocence in her--And virtue too, I'll warrant ye! said he.
But suppose I could give you an instance, where she has talked a little
too freely of the kindnesses that have been shewn her from a certain
quarter; and has had the vanity to impute a few kind words, uttered in
mere compassion to her youth and circumstances, into a design upon her,
and even dared to make free with names that she ought never to mention
but with reverence and gratitude; what would you say to that?--Say, sir!
said she, I cannot tell what to say. But I hope Pamela incapable of such
ingratitude.
Well, no more of this silly girl, says he; you may only advise her, as
you are her friend, not to give herself too much licence upon the favours
she meets with; and if she stays here, that she will not write the
affairs of my family purely for an exercise to her pen, and her
invention. I tell you she is a subtle, artful gipsy, and time will shew
it you.
Was ever the like heard, my dear father and mother? It is plain he did
not expect to meet with such a repulse, and mistrusts that I have told
Mrs. Jervis, and has my long letter too, that I intended for you; and so
is vexed to the heart. But I can't help it. I had better be thought
artful and subtle, than be so, in his sense; and, as light as he makes of
the words virtue and innocence in me, he would have made a less angry
construction, had I less deserved that he should do so; for then, may be,
my crime should have been my virtue with him naughty gentleman as he is!
I will soon write again; but must now end with saying, that I am, and
shall always be, Your honest DAUGHTER.
LETTER XV
DEAR MOTHER,
I broke off abruptly my last letter; for I feared he was coming; and so
it happened. I put the letter in my bosom, and took up my work, which
lay by me; but I had so little of the artful, as he called it, that I
looked as confused as if I had been doing some great harm.
Sit still, Pamela, said he, mind your work, for all me.--You don't tell
me I am welcome home, after my journey to Lincolnshire. It would be
hard, sir, said I, if you was not always welcome to your honour's own
house.
I would have gone; but he said, Don't run away, I tell you. I have a
word or two to say to you. Good sirs, how my heart went pit-a-pat! When
I was a little kind to you, said he, in the summer-house, and you carried
yourself so foolishly upon it, as if I had intended to do you great harm,
did I not tell you you should take no notice of what passed to any
creature? and yet you have made a common talk of the matter, not
considering either my reputation, or your own.--I made a common talk of
it, sir! said I: I have nobody to talk to, hardly.
He interrupted me, and said, Hardly! you little equivocator! what do you
mean by hardly? Let me ask you, have not you told Mrs. Jervis for one?
Pray your honour, said I, all in agitation, let me go down; for it is not
for me to hold an argument with your honour. Equivocator, again! said
he, and took my hand, what do you talk of an argument? Is it holding an
argument with me to answer a plain question? Answer me what I asked. O,
good sir, said I, let me beg you will not urge me farther, for fear I
forget myself again, and be saucy.
Answer me then, I bid you, says he, Have you not told Mrs. Jervis? It
will be saucy in you if you don't answer me directly to what I ask. Sir,
said I, and fain would have pulled my hand away, perhaps I should be for
answering you by another question, and that would not become me. What is
it you would say? replies he; speak out.
Then, sir, said I, why should your honour be so angry I should tell Mrs.
Jervis, or any body else, what passed, if you intended no harm?
Well said, pretty innocent and artless! as Mrs. Jervis calls you, said
he; and is it thus you taunt and retort upon me, insolent as you are!
But still I will be answered directly to my question. Why then, sir,
said I, I will not tell a lie for the world: I did tell Mrs. Jervis; for
my heart was almost broken; but I opened not my mouth to any other. Very
well, boldface, said he, and equivocator again! You did not open your
mouth to any other; but did not you write to some other? Why, now, and
please your honour, said I, (for I was quite courageous just then,) you
could not have asked me this question, if you had not taken from me my
letter to my father and mother, in which I own I had broken my mind
freely to them, and asked their advice, and poured forth my griefs!
And so I am to be exposed, am I, said he, in my own house, and out of my
house, to the whole world, by such a sauce-box as you? No, good sir,
said I, and I hope your honour won't be angry with me; it is not I that
expose you, if I say nothing but the truth. So, taunting again!
Assurance as you are! said he: I will not be thus talked to!
Pray, sir, said I, of whom can a poor girl take advice, if it must not be
of her father and mother, and such a good woman as Mrs. Jervis, who, for
her sex-sake, should give it me when asked? Insolence! said he, and
stamped with his foot, am I to be questioned thus by such a one as you?
I fell down on my knees, and said, For Heaven's sake, your honour, pity a
poor creature, that knows nothing of her duty, but how to cherish her
virtue and good name: I have nothing else to trust to: and, though poor
and friendless here, yet I have always been taught to value honesty above
my life. Here's ado with your honesty, said he, foolish girl! Is it not
one part of honesty to be dutiful and grateful to your master, do you
think? Indeed, sir, said I, it is impossible I should be ungrateful to
your honour, or disobedient, or deserve the names of bold-face or
insolent, which you call me, but when your commands are contrary to that
first duty which shall ever be the principle of my life!
He seemed to be moved, and rose up, and walked into the great chamber two
or three turns, leaving me on my knees; and I threw my apron over my
face, and laid my head on a chair, and cried as if my heart would break,
having no power to stir.
At last he came in again, but, alas! with mischief in his heart! and
raising me up, he said, Rise, Pamela, rise; you are your own enemy. Your
perverse folly will be your ruin: I tell you this, that I am very much
displeased with the freedoms you have taken with my name to my
housekeeper, as also to your father and mother; and you may as well have
real cause to take these freedoms with me, as to make my name suffer for
imaginary ones. And saying so, he offered to take me on his knee, with
some force. O how I was terrified! I said, like as I had read in a book
a night or two before, Angels and saints, and all the host of heaven,
defend me! And may I never survive one moment that fatal one in which I
shall forfeit my innocence! Pretty fool! said he, how will you forfeit
your innocence, if you are obliged to yield to a force you cannot
withstand? Be easy, said he; for let the worst happen that can, you will
have the merit, and I the blame; and it will be a good subject for
letters to your father and mother, and a tale into the bargain for Mrs.
Jervis.
He by force kissed my neck and lips; and said, Whoever blamed Lucretia?
All the shame lay on the ravisher only and I am content to take all the
blame upon me, as I have already borne too great a share for what I have
not deserved.
May I, said I, Lucretia like, justify myself with my death, if I am used
barbarously! O my good girl! said he, tauntingly, you are well read, I
see; and we shall make out between us, before we have done, a pretty
story in romance, I warrant ye.
He then put his hand in my bosom, and indignation gave me double
strength, and I got loose from him by a sudden spring, and ran out of the
room! and the next chamber being open, I made shift to get into it, and
threw to the door, and it locked after me; but he followed me so close,
he got hold of my gown, and tore a piece off, which hung without the
door; for the key was on the inside.
I just remember I got into the room; for I knew nothing further of the
matter till afterwards; for I fell into a fit with my terror, and there I
lay, till he, as I suppose, looking through the key-hole, spyed me upon
the floor, stretched out at length, on my face; and then he called Mrs.
Jervis to me, who, by his assistance, bursting open the door, he went
away, seeing me coming to myself; and bid her say nothing of the matter,
if she was wise.
Poor Mrs. Jervis thought it was worse, and cried over me like as if she
was my mother; and I was two hours before I came to myself; and just as I
got a little up on my feet, he coming in, I fainted away again with the
terror; and so he withdrew: but he staid in the next room to let nobody
come near us, that his foul proceedings might not be known.
Mrs. Jervis gave me her smelling-bottle, and had cut my laces, and set me
in a great chair, and he called her to him: How is the girl? said he: I
never saw such a fool in my life. I did nothing at all to her. Mrs.
Jervis could not speak for crying. So he said, She has told you, it
seems, that I was kind to her in the summer-house, though I'll assure
you, I was quite innocent then as well as now; and I desire you to keep
this matter to yourself, and let me not be named in it.
O, sir, said she, for your honour's sake, and for Christ's sake!--But he
would not hear her, and said--For your own sake, I tell you, Mrs. Jervis,
say not a word more. I have done her no harm. And I won't have her stay
in my house; prating, perverse fool, as she is! But since she is so apt
to fall into fits, or at least pretend to do so, prepare her to see me
to-morrow after dinner, in my mother's closet, and do you be with her,
and you shall hear what passes between us.
And so he went out in a pet, and ordered his chariot and four to be got
ready, and went a visiting somewhere.
Mrs. Jervis then came to me, and I told her all that had happened, and
said, I was resolved not to stay in the house: And she replying, He
seemed to threaten as much; I said, I am glad of that; then I shall be
easy. So she told me all he had said to her, as above.
Mrs. Jervis is very loath I should go; and yet, poor woman! she begins to
be afraid for herself; but would not have me ruined for the world. She
says to be sure he means no good; but may be, now he sees me so resolute,
he will give over all attempts; and that I shall better know what to do
after tomorrow, when I am to appear before a very bad judge, I doubt.
O how I dread this to-morrow's appearance! But be as assured, my dear
parents, of the honesty of your poor child, as I am of your prayers for
Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
O this frightful to-morrow; how I dread it!
LETTER XVI
MY DEAR PARENTS,
I know you longed to hear from me soon; and I send you as soon as I
could.
Well, you may believe how uneasily I passed the time, till his appointed
hour came. Every minute, as it grew nearer, my terrors increased; and
sometimes I had great courage, and sometimes none at all; and I thought I
should faint when it came to the time my master had dined. I could
neither eat nor drink, for my part; and do what I could, my eyes were
swelled with crying.
At last he went up to the closet, which was my good lady's dressing-room;
a room I once loved, but then as much hated.
Don't your heart ache for me?--I am sure mine fluttered about like a new-
caught bird in a cage. O Pamela, said I to myself, why art thou so
foolish and fearful? Thou hast done no harm! What, if thou fearest an
unjust judge, when thou art innocent, would'st thou do before a just one,
if thou wert guilty? Have courage, Pamela, thou knowest the worst! And
how easy a choice poverty and honesty is, rather than plenty and
wickedness.
So I cheered myself; but yet my poor heart sunk, and my spirits were
quite broken. Everything that stirred, I thought was to call me to my
account. I dreaded it, and yet I wished it to come.
Well, at last he rung the bell: O, thought I, that it was my passing-
bell! Mrs. Jervis went up, with a full heart enough, poor good woman!
He said, Where's Pamela? Let her come up, and do you come with her. She
came to me: I was ready to go with my feet; but my heart was with my dear
father and mother, wishing to share your poverty and happiness. I went
up, however.
O how can wicked men seem so steady and untouched with such black hearts,
while poor innocents stand like malefactors before them!
He looked so stern, that my heart failed me, and I wished myself any
where but there, though I had before been summoning up all my courage.
Good Heaven, said I to myself, give me courage to stand before this
naughty master! O soften him, or harden me!
Come in, fool, said he, angrily, as soon as he saw me; (and snatched my
hand with a pull;) you may well be ashamed to see me, after your noise
and nonsense, and exposing me as you have done. I ashamed to see you!
thought I: Very pretty indeed!--But I said nothing.
Mrs. Jervis, said he, here you are both together. Do you sit down; but
let her stand, if she will. Ay, thought I, if I can; for my knees beat
one against the other. Did you not think, when you saw the girl in the
way you found her in, that I had given her the greatest occasion for
complaint, that could possibly be given to a woman? And that I had
actually ruined her, as she calls it? Tell me, could you think any thing
less? Indeed, said she, I feared so at first. Has she told you what I
did to her, and all I did to her, to occasion all this folly, by which my
reputation might have suffered in your opinion, and in that of all the
family.--Inform me, what she has told you?
She was a little too much frightened, as she owned afterwards, at his
sternness, and said, Indeed she told me you only pulled her on your knee,
and kissed her.
Then I plucked up my spirits a little. Only! Mrs. Jervis? said I; and
was not that enough to shew me what I had to fear? When a master of his
honour's degree demeans himself to be so free as that to such a poor
servant as me, what is the next to be expected?--But your honour went
farther, so you did; and threatened me what you would do, and talked of
Lucretia, and her hard fate.--Your honour knows you went too far for a
master to a servant, or even to his equal; and I cannot bear it. So I
fell a crying most sadly.
Mrs. Jervis began to excuse me, and to beg he would pity a poor maiden,
that had such a value for her reputation. He said, I speak it to her
face, I think her very pretty, and I thought her humble, and one that
would not grow upon my favours, or the notice I took of her; but I abhor
the thoughts of forcing her to any thing. I know myself better, said he,
and what belongs to me: And to be sure I have enough demeaned myself to
take notice of such a one as she; but I was bewitched by her, I think, to
be freer than became me; though I had no intention to carry the jest
farther.
What poor stuff was all this, my dear mother, from a man of his sense!
But see how a bad cause and bad actions confound the greatest wits!--It
gave me a little more courage then; for innocence, I find, in a low
fortune, and weak mind, has many advantages over guilt, with all its
riches and wisdom.
So I said, Your honour may call this jest or sport, or what you please;
but indeed, sir, it is not a jest that becomes the distance between a
master and a servant. Do you hear, Mrs. Jervis? said he: do you hear the
pertness of the creature? I had a good deal of this sort before in the
summer-house, and yesterday too, which made me rougher with her than
perhaps I had otherwise been.
Says Mrs. Jervis, Pamela, don't be so pert to his honour: you should know
your distance; you see his honour was only in jest.--O dear Mrs. Jervis,
said I, don't you blame me too. It is very difficult to keep one's
distance to the greatest of men, when they won't keep it themselves to
their meanest servants.
See again! said he; could you believe this of the young baggage, if you
had not heard it? Good your honour, said the well-meaning gentlewoman,
pity and forgive the poor girl; she is but a girl, and her virtue is very
dear to her; and I will pawn my life for her, she will never be pert to
your honour, if you'll be so good as to molest her no more, nor frighten
her again. You saw, sir, by her fit, she was in terror; she could not
help it; and though your honour intended her no harm, yet the
apprehension was almost death to her: and I had much ado to bring her to
herself again. O the little hypocrite! said he; she has all the arts of
her sex; they were born with her; and I told you awhile ago you did not
know her. But this was not the reason principally of my calling you
before me together. I find I am likely to suffer in my reputation by the
perverseness and folly of this girl. She has told you all, and perhaps
more than all; nay, I make no doubt of it; and she has written letters
(for I find she is a mighty letter-writer!) to her father and mother, and
others, as far as I know, in which representing herself as an angel of
light, she makes her kind master and benefactor, a devil incarnate--(O
how people will sometimes, thought I, call themselves by their right
names!)--And all this, added he, I won't hear; and so I am resolved she
shall return to the distresses and poverty she was taken from; and let
her be careful how she uses my name with freedom, when she is gone from
me.
I was brightened up at once with these welcome words, and I threw myself
upon my knees at his feet, with a most sincere glad heart; and I said,
May your honour be for ever blessed for your resolution! Now I shall be
happy. And permit me, on my bended knees, to thank you for all the
benefits and favours you have heaped upon me; for the opportunities I
have had of improvement and learning, through my good lady's means, and
yours. I will now forget all your honour has offered me: and I promise
you, that I will never let your name pass my lips, but with reverence and
gratitude: and so God Almighty bless your honour, for ever and ever!
Amen.
Then rising from my knees, I went away with another-guise sort of heart
than I came into his presence with: and so I fell to writing this letter.
And thus all is happily over.
And now, my dearest father and mother, expect to see soon your poor
daughter, with an humble and dutiful mind, returned to you: and don't
fear but I know how to be as happy with you as ever: for I will be in the
loft, as I used to do; and pray let my little bed be got ready; and I
have a small matter of money, which will buy me a suit of clothes, fitter
for my condition than what I have; and I will get Mrs. Mumford to help me
to some needle-work: and fear not that I shall be a burden to you, if my
health continues. I know I shall be blessed, if not for my own sake, for
both your sakes, who have, in all your trials and misfortunes, preserved
so much integrity as makes every body speak well of you both. But I hope
he will let good Mrs. Jervis give me a character, for fear it should be
thought that I was turned away for dishonesty.
And so, my dear parents, may you be blest for me, and I for you! And I
will always pray for my master and Mrs. Jervis. So good night; for it is
late, and I shall be soon called to bed.
I hope Mrs. Jervis is not angry with me. She has not called me to
supper: though I could eat nothing if she had. But I make no doubt I
shall sleep purely to-night, and dream that I am with you, in my dear,
dear, happy loft once more.
So good night again, my dear father and mother, says
Your poor honest DAUGHTER.
Perhaps I mayn't come this week, because I must get up the linen, and
leave in order every thing belonging to my place. So send me a line, if
you can, to let me know if I shall be welcome, by John, who will call for
it as he returns. But say nothing of my coming away to him, as yet: for
it will be said I blab every thing.
LETTER XVII
MY DEAREST DAUGHTER,
Welcome, welcome, ten times welcome shall you be to us; for you come to
us innocent, and happy, and honest; and you are the staff of our old age,
and our comfort. And though we cannot do for you as we would, yet, fear
not, we shall live happily together; and what with my diligent labour,
and your poor mother's spinning, and your needle-work, I make no doubt we
shall do better and better. Only your poor mother's eyes begin to fail
her; though, I bless God, I am as strong and able, and willing to labour
as ever; and, O my dear child! your virtue has made me, I think, stronger
and better than I was before. What blessed things are trials and
temptations, when we have the strength to resist and subdue them!
But I am uneasy about those same four guineas; I think you should give
them back again to your master; and yet I have broken them. Alas! I have
only three left; but I will borrow the fourth, if I can, part upon my
wages, and part of Mrs. Mumford, and send the whole sum back to you, that
you may return it, against John comes next, if he comes again before you.
I want to know how you come. I fancy honest John will be glad to bear
you company part of the way, if your master is not so cross as to forbid
him. And if I know time enough, your mother will go one five miles, and
I will go ten on the way, or till I meet you, as far as one holiday will
go; for that I can get leave to make on such an occasion.
And we shall receive you with more pleasure than we had at your birth,
when all the worst was over; or than we ever had in our lives.
And so God bless you till the happy time comes! say both your mother and
I, which is all at present, from
Your truly loving PARENTS.
LETTER XVIII
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I thank you a thousand tines for your goodness to me, expressed in your
last letter. I now long to get my business done, and come to my new old
lot again, as I may call it. I have been quite another thing since my
master has turned me off: and as I shall come to you an honest daughter,
what pleasure it is to what I should have had, if I could not have seen
you but as a guilty one. Well, my writing-time will soon be over, and so
I will make use of it now, and tell you all that has happened since my
last letter.
I wondered Mrs. Jervis did not call me to sup with her, and feared she
was angry; and when I had finished my letter, I longed for her coming to
bed. At last she came up, but seemed shy and reserved; and I said, My
dear Mrs. Jervis, I am glad to see you: you are not angry with me, I
hope. She said she was sorry things had gone so far; and that she had a
great deal of talk with my master, after I was gone; that he seemed moved
at what I said, and at my falling on my knees to him, and my prayer for
him, at my going away. He said I was a strange girl; he knew not what to
make of me. And is she gone? said he: I intended to say something else
to her; but she behaved so oddly, that I had not power to stop her. She
asked, if she should call me again? He said, Yes; and then, No, let her
go; it is best for her and me too; and she shall go, now I have given her
warning. Where she had it, I can't tell; but I never met with the fellow
of her in any life, at any age. She said, he had ordered her not to tell
me all: but she believed he would never offer any thing to me again; and
I might stay, she fancied, if I would beg it as a favour; though she was
not sure neither.
I stay! dear Mrs. Jervis; said I; why it is the best news that could have
come to me, that he will let me go. I do nothing but long to go back
again to my poverty and distress, as he threatened I should; for though I
am sure of the poverty, I shall not have half the distress I have had for
some months past, I'll assure you.
Mrs. Jervis, dear good soul! wept over me, and said, Well, well, Pamela,
I did not think I had shewn so little love to you, as that you should
express so much joy upon leaving me. I am sure I never had a child half
so dear to me as you are.
I went to hear her so good to me, as indeed she has always been, and
said, What would you have me to do, dear Mrs. Jervis? I love you next to
my own father and mother, and to leave you is the chief concern I have at
quitting this place; but I am sure it is certain ruin if I stay. After
such offers, and such threatenings, and his comparing himself to a wicked
ravisher in the very time of his last offer; and turning it into a jest,
that we should make a pretty story in a romance; can I stay and be safe?
Has he not demeaned himself twice? And it behoves me to beware of the
third time, for fear he should lay his snares surer; for perhaps he did
not expect a poor servant would resist her master so much. And must it
not be looked upon as a sort of warrant for such actions, if I stay after
this? For, I think, when one of our sex finds she is attempted, it is an
encouragement to the attempter to proceed, if one puts one's self in the
way of it, when one can help it: 'Tis neither more nor less than inviting
him to think that one forgives, what, in short, ought not to be forgiven:
Which is no small countenance to foul actions, I'll assure you.
She hugged me to her, and said I'll assure you! Pretty-face, where
gottest thou all thy knowledge, and thy good notions, at these years?
Thou art a miracle for thy age, and I shall always love thee.--But, do
you resolve to leave us, Pamela?
Yes, my dear Mrs. Jervis, said I; for, as matters stand, how can I do
otherwise?--But I'll finish the duties of my place first, if I may; and
hope you'll give me a character, as to my honesty, that it may not he
thought I was turned away for any harm. Ay, that I will, said she; I
will give thee such a character as never girl at thy years deserved. And
I am sure, said I, I will always love and honour you, as my third-best
friend, wherever I go, or whatever becomes of me.
And so we went to bed; and I never waked till 'twas time to rise; which I
did as blithe as a bird, and went about my business with great pleasure.
But I believe my master is fearfully angry with me; for he passed by me
two or three times, and would not speak to me; and towards evening, he
met me in the passage, going into the garden, and said such a word to me
as I never heard in my life from him to man, woman, or child; for he
first said, This creature's always in the way, I think. I said, standing
up as close as I could, (and the entry was wide enough for a coach too,)
I hope I shan't be long in your honour's way. D--mn you! said he, (that
was the hard word,) for a little witch; I have no patience with you.
I profess I trembled to hear him say so; but I saw he was vexed; and, as
I am going away, I minded it the less. Well! I see, my dear parents,
that when a person will do wicked things, it is no wonder he will speak
wicked words. May God keep me out of the way of them both!
Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
LETTER XIX
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
Our John having an opportunity to go your way, I write again, and send
both letters at once. I can't say, yet, when I shall get away, nor how I
shall come, because Mrs. Jervis shewed my master the waistcoat I am
flowering for him, and he said, It looks well enough: I think the
creature had best stay till she has finished it.
There is some private talk carried on betwixt him and Mrs. Jervis, that
she don't tell me of; but yet she is very kind to me, and I don't
mistrust her at all. I should be very base if I did. But to be sure she
must oblige him, and keep all his lawful commands; and other, I dare say,
she won't keep: She is too good; and loves me too well; but she must stay
when I am gone, and so must get no ill will.
She has been at me again to ask to stay, and humble myself. But what
have I done, Mrs. Jervis? said I: If I have been a sauce-box, and a bold-
face, and a pert, and a creature, as he calls me, have I not had reason?
Do you think I should ever have forgot myself, if he had not forgot to
act as my master? Tell me from your own heart, dear Mrs. Jervis, said I,
if you think I could stay and be safe: What would you think, or how would
you act in my case?
My dear Pamela, said she, and kissed me, I don't know how I should act,
or what I should think. I hope I should act as you do. But I know
nobody else that would. My master is a fine gentleman; he has a great
deal of wit and sense, and is admired, as I know, by half a dozen ladies,
who would think themselves happy in his addresses. He has a noble
estate; and yet I believe he loves my good maiden, though his servant,
better than all the ladies in the land; and he has tried to overcome it,
because you are so much his inferior; and 'tis my opinion he finds he
can't; and that vexes his proud heart, and makes him resolve you shan't
stay; and so he speaks so cross to you, when he sees you by accident.
Well, but, Mrs. Jervis, said I, let me ask you, if he can stoop to like
such a poor girl as me, as perhaps he may, (for I have read of things
almost as strange, from great men to poor damsels,) What can it be for?--
He may condescend, perhaps, to think I may be good enough for his harlot;
and those things don't disgrace men that ruin poor women, as the world
goes. And so if I was wicked enough, he would keep me till I was undone,
and till his mind changed; for even wicked men, I have read, soon grow
weary of wickedness with the same person, and love variety. Well, then,
poor Pamela must be turned off, and looked upon as a vile abandoned
creature, and every body would despise her; ay, and justly too, Mrs.
Jervis; for she that can't keep her virtue, ought to live in disgrace.
But, Mrs. Jervis, I continued, let me tell you, that I hope, if I was
sure he would always be kind to me, and never turn me off at all, that I
shall have so much grace, as to hate and withstand his temptations, were
he not only my master, but my king: and that for the sin's sake. This my
poor dear parents have always taught me; and I should be a sad wicked
creature indeed, if, for the sake of riches or favour, I should forfeit
my good name; yea, and worse than any other young body of my sex; because
I can so contentedly return to my poverty again, and think it a less
disgrace to be obliged to wear rags, and live upon rye-bread and water,
as I used to do, than to be a harlot to the greatest man in the world.
Mrs. Jervis lifted up her hands, and had her eyes full of tears. God
bless you, my dear love! said she; you are my admiration and delight.--
How shall I do to part with you!
Well, good Mrs. Jervis, said I, let me ask you now:--You and he have had
some talk, and you mayn't be suffered to tell me all. But, do you think,
if I was to ask to stay, that he is sorry for what he has done? Ay, and
ashamed of it too? For I am sure he ought, considering his high degree,
and my low degree, and how I have nothing in the world to trust to but my
honesty: Do you think in your own conscience now, (pray answer me truly,)
that he would never offer any thing to me again, and that I could be
safe?
Alas! my dear child, said she, don't put thy home questions to me, with
that pretty becoming earnestness in thy look. I know this, that he is
vexed at what he has done; he was vexed the first time, more vexed the
second time.
Yes, said I, and so he will be vexed, I suppose, the third, and the
fourth time too, till he has quite ruined your poor maiden; and who will
have cause to be vexed then?
Nay, Pamela, said she, don't imagine that I would be accessory to your
ruin for the world. I only can say, that he has, yet, done you no hurt;
and it is no wonder he should love you, you are so pretty; though so much
beneath him but, I dare swear for him, he never will offer you any force.
You say, said I, that he was sorry for his first offer in the summer-
house. Well, and how long did his sorrow last?--Only till he found me by
myself; and then he was worse than before: and so became sorry again.
And if he has deigned to love me, and you say can't help it, why, he
can't help it neither, if he should have an opportunity, a third time to
distress me. And I have read that many a man has been ashamed of his
wicked attempts, when he has been repulsed, that would never have been
ashamed of them, had he succeeded. Besides, Mrs. Jervis, if he really
intends to offer no force, What does that mean?--While you say he can't
help liking me, for love it cannot be--Does it not imply that he hopes to
ruin me by my own consent? I think, said I, (and hope I should have
grace to do so,) that I should not give way to his temptations on any
account; but it would be very presumptuous in me to rely upon my own
strength against a gentleman of his qualifications and estate, and who is
my waster; and thinks himself entitled to call me bold-face, and what
not? only for standing on my necessary defence: and that, too, where the
good of my soul and body, and my duty to God, and my parents, are all
concerned. How then, Mrs. Jervis, said I, can I ask or wish to stay?
Well, well, says she; as he seems very desirous you should not stay, I
hope it is from a good motive; for fear he should be tempted to disgrace
himself as well as you. No, no, Mrs. Jervis, said I; I have thought of
that too; for I would be glad to consider him with that duty that becomes
me: but then he would have let me go to Lady Davers, and not have
hindered my preferment: and he would not have said, I should return to my
poverty and distress, when, by his mother's goodness, I had been lifted
out of it; but that he intended to fright me, and punish me, as he
thought, for not complying with his wickedness: And this shews me well
enough what I have to expect from his future goodness, except I will
deserve it at his own dear price.
She was silent; and I added, Well, there's no more to be said; I must go,
that's certain: All my concern will be how to part with you: and, indeed,
after you, with every body; for all my fellow-servants have loved me, and
you and they will cost me a sigh, and a tear too, now and then, I am
sure. And so I fell a crying: I could not help it. For it is a pleasant
thing to one to be in a house among a great many fellow-servants, and be
beloved by them all.
Nay, I should have told you before now, how kind and civil Mr. Longman
our steward is; vastly courteous, indeed, on all occasions! And he said
once to Mrs. Jervis, he wished he was a young man for my sake; I should
be his wife, and he would settle all he had upon me on marriage; and, you
must know, he is reckoned worth a power of money.
I take no pride in this; but bless God, and your good examples, my dear
parents, that I have been enabled so to carry myself, as to have every
body's good word; Not but our cook one day, who is a little snappish and
cross sometimes, said once to me, Why this Pamela of ours goes as fine as
a lady. See what it is to have a fine face!--I wonder what the girl will
come to at last!
She was hot with her work; and I sneaked away; for I seldom go down into
the kitchen; and I heard the butler say, Why, Jane, nobody has your good
word: What has Mrs. Pamela done to you? I am sure she offends nobody.
And what, said the peevish wench, have I said to her, foolatum; but that
she was pretty? They quarrelled afterwards, I heard: I was sorry for it,
but troubled myself no more about it. Forgive this silly prattle, from
Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
Oh! I forgot to say, that I would stay to finish the waistcoat, if I
might with safety. Mrs. Jervis tells me I certainly may. I never did a
prettier piece of work; and I am up early and late to get it over; for I
long to be with you.
LETTER XX
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I did not send my last letters so soon as I hoped, because John (whether
my master mistrusts or no, I can't say) had been sent to Lady Davers's
instead of Isaac, who used to go; and I could not be so free with, nor so
well trust Isaac; though he is very civil to me too. So I was forced to
stay till John returned.
As I may not have opportunity to send again soon, and yet, as I know you
keep my letters, and read them over and over, (so John told me,) when you
have done work, (so much does your kindness make you love all that comes
from your poor daughter,) and as it may be some little pleasure to me,
perhaps, to read them myself, when I am come to you, to remind me of what
I have gone through, and how great God's goodness has been to me, (which,
I hope, will further strengthen my good resolutions, that I may not
hereafter, from my bad conduct, have reason to condemn myself from my own
hand as it were): For all these reasons, I say, I will write as I have
time, and as matters happen, and send the scribble to you as I have
opportunity; and if I don't every time, in form, subscribe as I ought, I
am sure you will always believe, that it is not for want of duty. So I
will begin where I left off, about the talk between Mrs. Jervis and me,
for me to ask to stay.
Unknown to Mrs. Jervis, I put a project, as I may call it, in practice.
I thought with myself some days ago, Here I shall go home to my poor
father and mother, and have nothing on my back, that will be fit for my
condition; for how should your poor daughter look with a silk night-gown,
silken petticoats, cambric head-clothes, fine holland linen, laced shoes
that were my lady's; and fine stockings! And how in a little while must
these have looked, like old cast-offs, indeed, and I looked so for
wearing them! And people would have said, (for poor folks are envious as
well as rich,) See there Goody Andrews's daughter, turned home from her
fine place! What a tawdry figure she makes! And how well that garb
becomes her poor parents' circumstances!--And how would they look upon
me, thought I to myself, when they should come to be threadbare and worn
out? And how should I look, even if I could purchase homespun clothes,
to dwindle into them one by one, as I got them?--May be, an old silk
gown, and a linsey-woolsey petticoat, and the like. So, thought I, I had
better get myself at once equipped in the dress that will become my
condition; and though it may look but poor to what I have been used to
wear of late days, yet it will serve me, when I am with you, for a good
holiday and Sunday suit; and what, by a blessing on my industry, I may,
perhaps, make shift to keep up to.
So, as I was saying, unknown to any body, I bought of farmer Nichols's
wife and daughters a good sad-coloured stuff, of their own spinning,
enough to make me a gown and two petticoats; and I made robings and
facings of a pretty bit of printed calico I had by me.
I had a pretty good camblet quilted coat, that I thought might do
tolerably well; and I bought two flannel undercoats; not so good as my
swanskin and fine linen ones, but what will keep me warm, if any
neighbour should get me to go out to help 'em to milk, now and then, as
sometimes I used to do formerly; for I am resolved to do all your good
neighbours what kindness I can; and hope to make myself as much beloved
about you, as I am here.
I got some pretty good Scotch cloth, and made me, of mornings and nights,
when nobody saw me, two shifts; and I have enough left for two shirts,
and two shifts, for you my dear father and mother. When I come home,
I'll make them for you, and desire your acceptance.
Then I bought of a pedlar, two pretty enough round-eared caps, a little
straw-hat, and a pair of knit mittens, turned up with white calico; and
two pair of ordinary blue worsted hose, that make a smartish appearance,
with white clocks, I'll assure you; and two yards of black riband for my
shift sleeves, and to serve as a necklace; and when I had 'em all come
home, I went and looked upon them once in two hours, for two days
together: For, you must know, though I be with Mrs. Jervis, I keep my own
little apartment still for my clothes, and nobody goes thither but
myself. You'll say I was no bad housewife to have saved so much money;
but my dear good lady was always giving me something.
I believed myself the more obliged to do this, because, as I was turned
away for what my good master thought want of duty; and as he expected
other returns for his presents, than I intended to make him, so I thought
it was but just to leave his presents behind me when I went away; for,
you know, if I would not earn his wages, why should I have them?
Don't trouble yourself about the four guineas, nor borrow to make them
up; for they were given me, with some silver, as I told you, as a
perquisite, being what my lady had about her when she died; and, as I
hope for no wages, I am so vain as to think I have deserved all that
money in the fourteen months, since my lady's death, for she, good soul,
overpaid me before, in learning and other kindnesses. Had she lived,
none of these things might have happened!--But I ought to be thankful
'tis no worse. Every thing will turn about for the best: that's my
confidence.
So, as I was saying, I have provided a new and more suitable dress, and I
long to appear in it, more than ever I did in any new clothes in my life:
for then I shall be soon after with you, and at ease in my mind--But,
mum! Here he comes, I believe.--I am, etc.
LETTER XXI
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I was forced to break off: for I feared my master was coming: but it
proved to be only Mrs. Jervis. She said, I can't endure you should be so
much by yourself, Pamela. And I, said I, dread nothing so much as
company; for my heart was up at my mouth now, for fear my master was
coming. But I always rejoice to see dear Mrs. Jervis.
Said she, I have had a world of talk with my master about you. I am
sorry for it, said I, that I am made of so much consequence as to be
talked of by him. O, said she, I must not tell you all; but you are of
more consequence to him than you think for----
Or wish for, said I; for the fruits of being of consequence to him, would
make me of none to myself, or any body else.
Said she, Thou art as witty as any lady in the land; I wonder where thou
gottest it. But they must be poor ladies, with such great opportunities,
I am sure, if they have no more wit than I.--But let that pass.
I suppose, said I, that I am of so much consequence, however, as to vex
him, if it be but to think he can't make a fool of such a one as I; and
that is nothing at all, but a rebuke to the pride of his high condition,
which he did not expect, and knows not how to put up with.
There is something in that, may be, said she: but, indeed, Pamela, he is
very angry with you too; and calls you twenty perverse things; wonders at
his own folly, to have shewn you so much favour, as he calls it; which he
was first inclined to, he says, for his mother's sake, and would have
persisted to shew you for your own, if you was not your own enemy.
Nay, now I shan't love you, Mrs. Jervis, said I; you are going to
persuade me to ask to stay, though you know the hazards I run.--No, said
she, he says you shall go; for he thinks it won't be for his reputation
to keep you: but he wished (don't speak of it for the world, Pamela,)
that he knew a lady of birth, just such another as yourself, in person
and mind, and he would marry her to-morrow.
I coloured up to the ears at this word: but said, Yet, if I was the lady
of birth, and he would offer to be rude first, as he has twice done to
poor me, I don't know whether I would have him: For she that can bear an
insult of that kind, I should think not worthy to be a gentleman's wife:
any more than he would be a gentleman that would offer it.
Nay, now, Pamela, said she, thou carriest thy notions a great way. Well,
dear Mrs. Jervis, said I, very seriously, for I could not help it, I am
more full of fears than ever. I have only to beg of you, as one of the
best friends I have in the world, to say nothing of my asking to stay.
To say my master likes me, when I know what end he aims at, is
abomination to my ears; and I shan't think myself safe till I am at my
poor father's and mother's.
She was a little angry with me, till I assured her that I had not the
least uneasiness on her account, but thought myself safe under her
protection and friendship. And so we dropt the discourse for that time.
I hope to have finished this ugly waistcoat in two days; after which I
have only some linen to get up, and shall then let you know how I
contrive as to my passage; for the heavy rains will make it sad
travelling on foot: but may be I may get a place to which is ten miles of
the way, in farmer Nichols's close cart; for I can't sit a horse well at
all, and may be nobody will be suffered to see me on upon the way. But I
hope to let you know more. From, etc.
LETTER XXII
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
All my fellow-servants have now some notion that I am to go away; but
can't imagine for what. Mrs. Jervis tells them, that my father and
mother, growing in years, cannot live without me; and so I go home to
them, to help to comfort their old age; but they seem not to believe it.
What they found it out by was; the butler heard him say to me, as I
passed by him, in the entry leading to the hall, Who's that? Pamela,
sir, said I. Pamela! said he, How long are you to stay here?--Only,
please your honour, said I, till I have done the waistcoat; and it is
almost finished.--You might, says he, (very roughly indeed,) have
finished that long enough ago, I should have thought. Indeed, and please
your honour, said I, I have worked early and late upon it; there is a
great deal of work in it.--Work in it! said he; You mind your pen more
than your needle; I don't want such idle sluts to stay in my house.
He seemed startled, when he saw the butler, as he entered the hall, where
Mr. Jonathan stood. What do you here? said he.--The butler was as much
confounded as I; for, never having been taxed so roughly, I could not
help crying sadly; and got out of both their ways to Mrs. Jervis, and
told my complaint. This love, said she, is the d----! In how many
strange shapes does it make people shew themselves! And in some the
farthest from their hearts.
So one, and then another, has been since whispering, Pray, Mrs. Jervis,
are we to lose Mrs. Pamela? as they always call me--What has she done?
And she tells them, as above, about going home to you.
She said afterwards to me, Well, Pamela, you have made our master, from
the sweetest tempered gentleman in the world, one of the most peevish.
But you have it in your power to make him as sweet-tempered as ever;
though I hope you'll never do it on his terms.
This was very good in Mrs. Jervis; but it intimated, that she thought as
ill of his designs as I; and as she knew his mind more than I, it
convinced me that I ought to get away as fast as I could.
My master came in, just now, to speak to Mrs. Jervis about household
matters, having some company to dine with him to-morrow; and I stood up,
and having been crying at his roughness in the entry, I turned away my
face.
You may well, said he, turn away your cursed face; I wish I had never
seen it!--Mrs. Jervis, how long is she to be about this waistcoat?
Sir, said I, if your honour had pleased, I would have taken it with me;
and though it would be now finished in a few hours, I will do so still;
and remove this hated poor Pamela out of your house and sight for ever.
Mrs. Jervis, said he, not speaking to me, I believe this little slut has
the power of witchcraft, if ever there was a witch; for she enchants all
that come near her. She makes even you, who should know better what the
world is, think her an angel of light.
I offered to go away; for I believe he wanted me to ask to stay in my
place, for all this his great wrath: and he said, Stay here! Stay here,
when I bid you! and snatched my hand. I trembled, and said, I will! I
will! for he hurt my fingers, he grasped me so hard.
He seemed to have a mind to say something to me; but broke off abruptly,
and said, Begone! And away I tripped as fast as I could: and he and Mrs.
Jervis had a deal of talk, as she told me; and among the rest, he
expressed himself vexed to have spoken in Mr. Jonathan's hearing.
Now you must know, that Mr. Jonathan, our butler, is a very grave good
sort of old man, with his hair as white as silver! and an honest worthy
man he is. I was hurrying out with a flea in my ear, as the saying is,
and going down stairs into the parlour, met him. He took hold of my hand
(in a gentler manner, though, than my master) with both his; and he said,
Ah! sweet, sweet Mrs. Pamela! what is it I heard but just now!--I am
sorry at my heart; but I am sure I will sooner believe any body in fault
than you. Thank you, Mr. Jonathan, said I; but as you value your place,
don't be seen speaking to such a one as me. I cried too; and slipt away
as fast as I could from him, for his own sake, lest he should be seen to
pity me.
And now I will give you an instance how much I am in Mr. Longman's esteem
also.
I had lost my pen some how; and my paper being written out, I stepped to
Mr. Longman's, our steward's, office, to beg him to give me a pen or two,
and a sheet or two of paper. He said, Ay, that I will, my sweet maiden!
and gave me three pens, some wafers, a stick of wax, and twelve sheets of
paper; and coming from his desk, where he was writing, he said, Let me
have a word or two with you, my sweet little mistress: (for so these two
good old gentlemen often call me; for I believe they love me dearly:) I
hear bad news; that we are going to lose you: I hope it is not true. Yes
it is, sir, said I; but I was in hopes it would not be known till I went
away.
What a d---l, said he, ails our master of late! I never saw such an
alteration in any man in my life! He is pleased with nobody as I see;
and by what Mr. Jonathan tells me just now, he was quite out of the way
with you. What could you have done to him, tro'? Only Mrs. Jervis is a
very good woman, or I should have feared she had been your enemy.
No, said I, nothing like it. Mrs. Jervis is a just good woman; and, next
to my father and mother, the best friend I have in the world--Well, then,
said he, it must be worse. Shall I guess? You are too pretty, my sweet
mistress, and, may be, too virtuous. Ah! have I not hit it? No, good
Mr. Longman, said I, don't think any thing amiss of my master; he is
cross and angry with me indeed, that's true; but I may have given
occasion for it, possibly; and because I am desirous to go to my father
and mother, rather than stay here, perhaps he may think me ungrateful.
But, you know, sir, said I, that a father and mother's comfort is the
dearest thing to a good child that can be. Sweet excellence! said he,
this becomes you; but I know the world and mankind too well; though I
must hear, and see, and say nothing. And so a blessing attend my little
sweeting, said he, wherever you go! And away went I with a courtesy and
thanks.
Now this pleases one, my dear father and mother, to be so beloved.--How
much better, by good fame and integrity, is it to get every one's good
word but one, than, by pleasing that one, to make every one else one's
enemy, and be an execrable creature besides! I am, etc.
LETTER XXIII
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
We had a great many neighbouring gentlemen, and their ladies, this day,
at dinner; and my master made a fine entertainment for them: and Isaac,
and Mr. Jonathan, and Benjamin, waited at table: And Isaac tells Mrs.
Jervis, that the ladies will by and by come to see the house, and have
the curiosity to see me; for, it seems, they said to my master, when the
jokes flew about, Well, Mr. B----, we understand you have a servant-maid,
who is the greatest beauty in the county; and we promise ourselves to see
her before we go.
The wench is well enough, said he; but no such beauty as you talk of,
I'll assure ye. She was my mother's waiting-maid, who, on her death-bed,
engaged me to be kind to her. She is young, and every thing is pretty
that is young.
Ay, ay, said one of the ladies, that's true; but if your mother had not
recommended her so strongly, there is so much merit in beauty, that I
make no doubt such a fine gentleman would have wanted no inducement to be
kind to it.
They all laughed at my master: And he, it seems, laughed for company; but
said, I don't know how it is, but I see with different eyes from other
people; for I have heard much more talk of her prettiness, than I think
it deserves: She is well enough, as I said: but her greatest excellence
is, that she is humble, and courteous, and faithful, and makes all her
fellow-servants love her: My housekeeper, in particular, doats upon her;
and you know, ladies, she is a woman of discernment: And, as for Mr.
Longman, and Jonathan, here, if they thought themselves young enough, I
am told, they would fight for her. Is it not true, Jonathan? Troth,
sir, said he, an't please your honour, I never knew her peer, and all
your honour's family are of the same mind. Do you hear now? said my
master.--Well, said the ladies, we will make a visit to Mrs. Jervis by
and by, and hope to see this paragon.
I believe they are coming; and will tell you the rest by and by. I wish
they had come, and were gone. Why can't they make their game without me?
Well, these fine ladies have been here, and are gone back again. I would
have been absent, if I could, and did step into the closet: so they saw
me when they came in.
There were four of them, Lady Arthur at the great white house on the
hill, Lady Brooks, Lady Towers, and the other, it seems, a countess, of
some hard name, I forget what.
So Mrs. Jervis, says one of the ladies, how do you do? We are all come
to inquire after your health. I am much obliged to your ladyships, said
Mrs. Jervis: Will your ladyships please to sit down? But, said the
countess, we are not only come to ask after Mrs. Jervis's health neither;
but we are come to see a rarity besides. Ah, says Lady Arthur, I have
not seen your Pamela these two years, and they tell me she is grown
wondrous pretty in that time.
Then I wished I had not been in the closet; for when I came out, they
must needs know I heard them; but I have often found, that bashful bodies
owe themselves a spite, and frequently confound themselves more, by
endeavouring to avoid confusion.
Why, yes, says Mrs. Jervis, Pamela is very pretty indeed; she's but in
the closet there:--Pamela, pray step hither. I came out all covered with
blushes, and they smiled at one another.
The countess took me by the hand: Why, indeed, she was pleased to say,
report has not been too lavish, I'll assure you. Don't be ashamed,
child; (and stared full in my face;) I wish I had just such a face to be
ashamed of. O how like a fool I looked!
Lady Arthur said, Ay, my good Pamela, I say as her ladyship says: Don't
be so confused; though, indeed, it becomes you too. I think your good
lady departed made a sweet choice of such a pretty attendant. She would
have been mighty proud of you, as she always was praising you, had she
lived till now.
Ah! madam, said Lady Brooks, do you think that so dutiful a son as our
neighbour, who always admired what his mother loved, does not pride
himself, for all what he said at table, in such a pretty maiden?
She looked with such a malicious sneering countenance, I can't abide her.
Lady Towers said with a free air, (for it seems she is called a wit,)
Well, Mrs. Pamela, I can't say I like you so well as these ladies do; for
I should never care, if you were my servant, to have you and your master
in the same house together. Then they all set up a great laugh.
I know what I could have said, if I durst. But they are ladies--and
ladies may say any thing.
Says Lady Towers, Can the pretty image speak, Mrs. Jervis? I vow she has
speaking eyes! O you little rogue, said she, and tapped me on the cheek,
you seem born to undo, or to be undone!
God forbid, and please your ladyship, said I, it should be either!--I
beg, said I, to withdraw; for the sense I have of my unworthiness renders
me unfit for such a presence.
I then went away, with one of my best courtesies; and Lady Towers said,
as I went out, Prettily said, I vow!--And Lady Brooks said, See that
shape! I never saw such a face and shape in my life; why, she must be
better descended than you have told me!
And so they run on for half an hour more in my praises, as I was told;
and glad was I, when I got out of the hearing of them.
But, it seems, they went down with such a story to my master, and so full
of me, that he had much ado to stand it; but as it was very little to my
reputation, I am sure I could take no pride in it; and I feared it would
make no better for me. This gives me another cause for wishing myself
out of this house.
This is Thursday morning, and next Thursday I hope to set out; for I have
finished my task, and my master is horrid cross! And I am vexed his
crossness affects me so. If ever he had any kindness towards me, I
believe he now hates me heartily.
Is it not strange, that love borders so much upon hate? But this wicked
love is not like the true virtuous love, to be sure: that and hatred must
be as far off, as light and darkness. And how must this hate have been
increased, if he had met with such a base compliance, after his wicked
will had been gratified.
Well, one may see by a little, what a great deal means. For if innocence
cannot attract common civility, what must guilt expect, when novelty has
ceased to have its charms, and changeableness had taken place of it?
Thus we read in Holy Writ, that wicked Amnon, when he had ruined poor
Tamar, hated her more than he ever loved her, and would have turned her
out of door.
How happy am I, to be turned out of door, with that sweet companion my
innocence!--O may that be always my companion! And while I presume not
upon my own strength, and am willing to avoid the tempter, I hope the
divine grace will assist me.
Forgive me, that I repeat in my letter part of my hourly prayer. I owe
every thing, next to God's goodness, to your piety and good examples, my
dear parents, my dear poor parents! I say that word with pleasure; for
your poverty is my pride, as your integrity shall he my imitation.
As soon as I have dined, I will put on my new clothes. I long to have
them on. I know I shall surprise Mrs. Jervis with them; for she shan't
see me till I am full dressed.--John is come back, and I'll soon send you
some of what I have written.--I find he is going early in the morning;
and so I'll close here, that I am
Your most dutiful DAUGHTER.
Don't lose your time in meeting me; because I am so uncertain. It is
hard if, some how or other, I can't get a passage to you. But may be my
master won't refuse to let John bring me. I can ride behind him, I
believe, well enough; for he is very careful, and very honest; and you
know John as well as I; for he loves you both. Besides, may be, Mrs.
Jervis can put me in some way.
LETTER XXIV
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I shall write on, as long as I stay, though I should have nothing but
silliness to write; for I know you divert yourselves on nights with what
I write, because it is mine. John tells me how much you long for my
coming; but he says, he told you he hoped something would happen to
hinder it.
I am glad you did not tell him the occasion of my coming away; for if my
fellow-servants should guess, it were better so, than to have it from you
or me. Besides, I really am concerned, that my master should cast away a
thought upon such a poor creature as me; for, besides the disgrace, it
has quite turned his temper; and I begin to believe what Mrs. Jervis told
me, that he likes me, and can't help it; and yet strives to conquer it;
and so finds no way but to be cross to me.
Don't think me presumptuous and conceited; for it is more my concern than
my pride, to see such a gentleman so demean himself, and lessen the
regard he used to have in the eyes of all his servants, on my account.--
But I am to tell you of my new dress to day.
And so, when I had dined, up stairs I went, and locked myself into my
little room. There I tricked myself up as well as I could in my new
garb, and put on my round-eared ordinary cap; but with a green knot,
however, and my homespun gown and petticoat, and plain leather shoes; but
yet they are what they call Spanish leather; and my ordinary hose,
ordinary I mean to what I have been lately used to; though I shall think
good yarn may do very well for every day, when I come home. A plain
muslin tucker I put on, and my black silk necklace, instead of the French
necklace my lady gave me; and put the ear-rings out of my ears; and when
I was quite equipped, I took my straw hat in my hand, with its two blue
strings, and looked about me in the glass, as proud as any thing--To say
truth, I never liked myself so well in my life.
O the pleasure of descending with ease, innocence, and resignation!--
Indeed, there is nothing like it! An humble mind, I plainly see, cannot
meet with any very shocking disappointment, let fortune's wheel turn
round as it will.
So I went down to look for Mrs. Jervis, to see how she liked me.
I met, as I was upon the stairs, our Rachel, who is the house-maid; and
she made me a low courtesy, and I found did not know me. So I smiled,
and went to the housekeeper's parlour; and there sat good Mrs. Jervis at
work, making a shift: and, would you believe it? she did not know me at
first; but rose up, and pulled off her spectacles; and said, Do you want
me, forsooth? I could not help laughing, and said, Hey-day! Mrs. Jervis,
what! don't you know me?--She stood all in amaze, and looked at me from
top to toe: Why, you surprise me, said she: What! Pamela thus
metamorphosed! How came this about?
As it happened, in stept my master; and my back being to him, he thought
it was a stranger speaking to Mrs. Jervis, and withdrew again: and did
not hear her ask, If his honour had any commands for her?--She turned me
about and about, and I shewed her all my dress, to my under-petticoat:
and she said, sitting down, Why, I am all in amaze, I must sit down.
What can all this mean? I told her, I had no clothes suitable to my
condition when I returned to my father's; and so it was better to begin
here, as I was soon to go away, that all my fellow-servants might see I
knew how to suit myself to the state I was returning to.
Well, said she, I never knew the like of thee. But this sad preparation
for going away (for now I see you are quite in earnest) is what I know
not how to get over. O my dear Pamela, how can I part with you!
My master rung in the back-parlour, and so I withdrew, and Mrs. Jervis
went to attend him. It seems, he said to her, I was coming in to let you
know, that I shall go to Lincolnshire, and possibly to my sister
Davers's, and be absent some weeks. But, pray, what pretty neat damsel
was with you? She says, she smiled, and asked, If his honour did not
know who it was? No, said he, I never saw her before. Farmer Nichols,
or Farmer Brady, have neither of them such a tight prim lass for a
daughter! have they?--Though I did not see her face neither, said he. If
your honour won't be angry, said she, I will introduce her into your
presence; for I think, says she, she outdoes our Pamela.
Now I did not thank her for this, as I told her afterwards, (for it
brought a great deal of trouble upon me, as well as crossness, as you
shall hear). That can't be, he was pleased to say. But if you can find
an excuse for it, let her come in.
At that she stept to me, and told me, I must go in with her to her
master; but, said she, for goodness' sake, let him find you out; for he
don't know you. O fie, Mrs. Jervis, said I, how could you serve me so?
Besides, it looks too free both in me, and to him. I tell you, said she,
you shall come in; and pray don't reveal yourself till he finds you out.
So I went in, foolish as I was; though I must have been seen by him
another time, if I had not then. And she would make me take my straw hat
in my hand.
I dropt a low courtesy, but said never a word. I dare say he knew me as
soon as he saw my face: but was as cunning as Lucifer. He came up to me,
and took me by the hand, and said, Whose pretty maiden are you?--I dare
say you are Pamela's sister, you are so like her. So neat, so clean, so
pretty! Why, child, you far surpass your sister Pamela!
I was all confusion, and would have spoken: but he took me about the
neck: Why, said he, you are very pretty, child: I would not be so free
with your sister, you may believe; but I must kiss you.
O sir, said I, I am Pamela, indeed I am: indeed I am Pamela, her own
self!
He kissed me for all I could do; and said, Impossible! you are a lovelier
girl by half than Pamela; and sure I may be innocently free with you,
though I would not do her so much favour.
This was a sad trick upon me, indeed, and what I could not expect; and
Mrs. Jervis looked like a fool as much as I, for her officiousness.--At
last I got away, and ran out of the parlour, most sadly vexed, as you may
well think.
He talked a good deal to Mrs. Jervis, and at last ordered me to come in
to him. Come in, said he, you little villain!--for so he called me.
(Good sirs! what a name was there!)--who is it you put your tricks upon?
I was resolved never to honour your unworthiness, said he, with so much
notice again; and so you must disguise yourself to attract me, and yet
pretend, like an hypocrite as you are----
I was out of patience then: Hold, good sir, said I; don't impute disguise
and hypocrisy to me, above all things; for I hate them both, mean as I
am. I have put on no disguise.--What a plague, said he, for that was his
word, do you mean then by this dress?--Why, and please your honour, said
I, I mean one of the honestest things in the world.
I have been in disguise, indeed, ever since my good lady your mother took
me from my poor parents. I came to her ladyship so poor and mean, that
these clothes I have on, are a princely suit to those I had then: and her
goodness heaped upon me rich clothes, and other bounties: and as I am now
returning to my poor parents again so soon, I cannot wear those good
things without being hooted at; and so have bought what will be more
suitable to my degree, and be a good holiday-suit too, when I get home.
He then took me in his arms, and presently pushed me from him. Mrs.
Jervis, said he, take the little witch from me; I can neither bear, nor
forbear her--(Strange words these!)--But stay; you shan't go!--Yet
begone!--No, come back again.
I thought he was mad, for my share; for he knew not what he would have.
I was going, however; but he stept after me, and took hold of my arm, and
brought me in again: I am sure he made my arm black and blue; for the
marks are upon it still. Sir, sir, said I, pray have mercy; I will, I
will come in!
He sat down, and looked at me, and, as I thought afterwards, as sillily
as such a poor girl as I. At last he said, Well, Mrs. Jervis, as I was
telling you, you may permit her to stay a little longer, till I see if my
sister Davers will have her; if, mean time, she humble herself, and ask
this as a favour, and is sorry for her pertness, and the liberty she has
taken with my character out of the house, and in the house. Your honour
indeed told me so, said Mrs. Jervis: but I never found her inclinable to
think herself in a fault. Pride and perverseness, said he, with a
vengeance! Yet this is your doating-piece!--Well, for once, I'll submit
myself to tell you, hussy, said he to me, you may stay a fortnight
longer, till I see my sister Davers: Do you hear what I say to you,
statue? Can you neither speak nor be thankful?--Your honour frights me
so, said I, that I can hardly speak: But I will venture to say, that I
have only to beg, as a favour, that I may go to my father and mother.--
Why fool, said he, won't you like to go to wait on my sister Davers?
Sir, said I, I was once fond of that honour; but you were pleased to say,
I might be in danger from her ladyship's nephew, or he from me.--D----d
impertinence! said he; Do you hear, Mrs. Jervis, do you hear, how she
retorts upon me? Was ever such matchless assurance!----
I then fell a weeping; for Mrs. Jervis said, Fie, Pamela, fie!--And I
said, My lot is very hard indeed; I am sure I would hurt nobody; and I
have been, it seems, guilty of indiscretions, which have cost me my
place, and my master's favour, and so have been turned her away: and when
the time is come, that I should return to my poor parents, I am not
suffered to go quietly. Good your honour, what have I done, that I must
be used worse than if I had robbed you?
Robbed me! said he, why so you have, hussy; you have robbed me. Who? I,
sir? said I; have I robbed you? Why then you are a justice of peace, and
may send me to gaol, if you please, and bring me to a trial for my life!
If you can prove that I have robbed you, I am sure I ought to die.
Now I was quite ignorant of his meaning; though I did not like it, when
it was afterwards explained, neither: And well, thought I, what will this
come to at last, if poor Pamela is esteemed a thief! Then I thought in
an instant, how I should shew my face to my honest poor parents, if I was
but suspected. But, sir, said I, let me ask you but one question, and
pray don't let me be called names for it; for I don't mean
disrespectfully: Why, if I have done amiss, am I not left to be
discharged by your housekeeper, as the other maids have been? And if
Jane, or Rachel, or Hannah, were to offend, would your honour stoop to
take notice of them? And why should you so demean yourself to take
notice of me? Pray, sir, if I have not been worse than others, why
should I suffer more than others? and why should I not be turned away,
and there's an end of it? For indeed I am not of consequence enough for
my master to concern himself, and be angry about such a creature as me.
Do you hear, Mrs. Jervis, cried he again, how pertly I am interrogated by
this saucy slut? Why, sauce-box, says he, did not my good mother desire
me to take care of you? And have you not been always distinguished by
me, above a common servant? And does your ingratitude upbraid me for
this?
I said something mutteringly, and he vowed he would hear it. I begged
excuse; but he insisted upon it. Why, then, said I, if your honour must
know, I said, That my good lady did not desire your care to extend to the
summer-house, and her dressing-room.
Well, this was a little saucy, you'll say--And he flew into such a
passion, that I was forced to run for it; and Mrs. Jervis said, It was
happy I got out of the way.
Why what makes him provoke one so, then?--I'm almost sorry for it; but I
would be glad to get away at any rate. For I begin to be more fearful
now.
Just now Mr. Jonathan sent me these lines--(Bless me! what shall I do?)
'Dear Mrs. Pamela, Take care of yourself; for Rachel heard my master say
to Mrs. Jervis, who, she believes, was pleading for you, Say no more,
Mrs. Jervis; for by G--d I will have her! Burn this instantly.'
O pray for your poor daughter. I am called to go to bed by Mrs. Jervis,
for it is past eleven; and I am sure she shall hear of it; for all this
is owing to her, though she did not mean any harm. But I have been, and
am, in a strange fluster; and I suppose too, she'll say, I have been full
pert.
O my dear father and mother, power and riches never want advocates! But,
poor gentlewoman, she cannot live without him: and he has been very good
to her.
So good night. May be I shall send this in the morning; but may be not;
so won't conclude: though I can't say too often, that I am (though with
great apprehension)
Your most dutiful DAUGHTER.
LETTER XXV
MY DEAR PARENTS,
O let me take up my complaint, and say, Never was poor creature so
unhappy, and so barbarously used, as poor Pamela! Indeed, my dear father
and mother, my heart's just broke! I can neither write as I should do,
nor let it alone, for to whom but you can I vent my griefs, and keep my
poor heart from bursting! Wicked, wicked man!--I have no patience when I
think of him!--But yet, don't be frightened--for--I hope--I hope, I am
honest!--But if my head and my hand will let me, you shall hear all.--Is
there no constable, nor headborough, though, to take me out of his house?
for I am sure I can safely swear the peace against him: But, alas! he is
greater than any constable: he is a justice himself: Such a justice
deliver me from!--But God Almighty, I hope, in time, will right me--For
he knows the innocence of my heart!
John went your way in the morning; but I have been too much distracted to
send by him; and have seen nobody but Mrs. Jervis or Rachel, and one I
hate to see or be seen by and indeed I hate now to see any body. Strange
things I have to tell you, that happened since last night, that good Mr.
Jonathan's letter, and my master's harshness, put me into such a fluster;
but I will not keep you in suspense.
I went to Mrs. Jervis's chamber; and, O dreadful! my wicked master had
hid himself, base gentleman as he is! in her closet, where she has a few
books, and chest of drawers, and such like. I little suspected it;
though I used, till this sad night, always to look into that closet and
another in the room, and under the bed, ever since the summer-house
trick; but never found any thing; and so I did not do it then, being
fully resolved to be angry with Mrs. Jervis for what had happened in the
day, and so thought of nothing else.
I sat myself down on one side of the bed, and she on the other, and we
began to undress ourselves; but she on that side next the wicked closet,
that held the worst heart in the world. So, said Mrs. Jervis, you won't
speak to me, Pamela! I find you are angry with me. Why, Mrs. Jervis,
said I, so I am, a little; 'tis a folly to deny it. You see what I have
suffered by your forcing me in to my master: and a gentlewoman of your
years and experience must needs know, that it was not fit for me to
pretend to be any body else for my own sake, nor with regard to my
master.
But, said she, who would have thought it would have turned out so? Ay,
said I, little thinking who heard me, Lucifer always is ready to promote
his own work and workmen. You see presently what use he made of it,
pretending not to know me, on purpose to be free with me. And when he
took upon himself to know me, to quarrel with me, and use me hardly: And
you too, said I, to cry, Fie, fie, Pamela! cut me to the heart: for that
encouraged him.
Do you think, my dear, said she, that I would encourage him?--I never
said so to you before; but, since you have forced it from me, I must tell
you, that, ever since you consulted me, I have used my utmost endeavours
to divert him from his wicked purposes: and he has promised fair; but, to
say all in a word, he doats upon you; and I begin to see it is not in his
power to help it.
I luckily said nothing of the note from Mr. Jonathan; for I began to
suspect all the world almost: but I said, to try Mrs. Jervis, Well then,
what would you have me do? You see he is for having me wait on Lady
Davers now.
Why, I'll tell you freely, my dear Pamela, said she, and I trust to your
discretion to conceal what I say: my master has been often desiring me to
put you upon asking him to let you stay----
Yes, said I, Mrs. Jervis, let me interrupt you: I will tell you why I
could not think of that: It was not the pride of my heart, but the pride
of my honesty: For what must have been the case? Here my master has been
very rude to me, once and twice; and you say he cannot help it, though he
pretends to be sorry for it: Well, he has given me warning to leave my
place, and uses me very harshly; perhaps to frighten me to his purposes,
as he supposes I would be fond of staying (as indeed I should, if I could
be safe; for I love you and all the house, and value him, if he would act
as my master). Well then, as I know his designs, and that he owns he
cannot help it; must I have asked to stay, knowing he would attempt me
again? for all you could assure me of, was, he would do nothing by force;
so I, a poor weak girl, was to be left to my own strength! And was not
this to allow him to tempt me, as one may say? and to encourage him to go
on in his wicked devices?--How then, Mrs. Jervis, could I ask or wish to
stay?
You say well, my dear child, says she; and you have a justness of thought
above your years; and for all these considerations, and for what I have
heard this day, after you ran away, (and I am glad you went as you did,)
I cannot persuade you to stay; and I shall be glad, (which is what I
never thought I could have said,) that you were well at your father's;
for if Lady Davers will entertain you, she may as well have you from
thence as here. There's my good Mrs. Jervis! said I; God will bless you
for your good counsel to a poor maiden, that is hard beset. But pray
what did he say, when I was gone? Why, says she, he was very angry with
you. But he would hear it! said I: I think it was a little bold; but
then he provoked me to it. And had not my honesty been in the case, I
would not by any means have been so saucy. Besides, Mrs. Jervis,
consider it was the truth; if he does not love to hear of the summer-
house, and the dressing-room, why should he not be ashamed to continue in
the same mind? But, said she, when you had muttered this to yourself,
you might have told him any thing else. Well, said I, I cannot tell a
wilful lie, and so there's an end of it. But I find you now give him up,
and think there's danger in staying.--Lord bless me! I wish I was well
out of the house; so it was at the bottom of a wet ditch, on the wildest
common in England.
Why, said she, it signifies nothing to tell you all he said but it was
enough to make me fear you would not be so safe as I could wish; and,
upon my word, Pamela, I don't wonder he loves you; for, without flattery,
you are a charming girl! and I never saw you look more lovely in your
life than in that same new dress of yours. And then it was such a
surprise upon us all!--I believe truly, you owe some of your danger to
the lovely appearance you made. Then, said I, I wish the clothes in the
fire: I expected no effect from them; but, if any, a quite contrary one.
Hush! said I, Mrs. Jervis, did you not hear something stir in the closet?
No, silly girl, said she, your fears are always awake.--But indeed, said
I, I think I heard something rustle.--May be, says she, the cat may be
got there: but I hear nothing.
I was hush; but she said, Pr'ythee, my good girl, make haste to bed. See
if the door be fast. So I did, and was thinking to look into the closet;
but, hearing no more noise, thought it needless, and so went again and
sat myself down on the bed-side, and went on undressing myself. And Mrs.
Jervis being by this time undressed, stepped into bed, and bid me hasten,
for she was sleepy.
I don't know what was the matter, but my heart sadly misgave me: Indeed,
Mr. Jonathan's note was enough to make it do so, with what Mrs. Jervis
had said. I pulled off my stays, and my stockings, and all my clothes to
an under-petticoat; and then hearing a rustling again in the closet, I
said, Heaven protect us! but before I say my prayers, I must look into
this closet. And so was going to it slip-shod, when, O dreadful! out
rushed my master in a rich silk and silver morning gown.
I screamed, and ran to the bed, and Mrs. Jervis screamed too; and he
said, I'll do you no harm, if you forbear this noise; but otherwise take
what follows.
Instantly he came to the bed (for I had crept into it, to Mrs. Jervis,
with my coat on, and my shoes); and taking me in his arms, said, Mrs.
Jervis, rise, and just step up stairs to keep the maids from coming down
at this noise: I'll do no harm to this rebel.
O, for Heaven's sake! for pity's sake! Mrs. Jervis, said I, if I am not
betrayed, don't leave me; and, I beseech you, raise all the house. No,
said Mrs. Jervis, I will not stir, my dear lamb; I will not leave you. I
wonder at you, sir, said she; and kindly threw herself upon my coat,
clasping me round the waist: You shall not hurt this innocent, said she:
for I will lose my life in her defence. Are there not, said she, enough
wicked ones in the world, for your base purpose, but you must attempt
such a lamb as this?
He was desperate angry, and threatened to throw her out of the window;
and to turn her out of the house the next morning. You need not, sir,
said she; for I will not stay in it. God defend my poor Pamela till to-
morrow, and we will both go together.--Says he, let me but expostulate a
word or two with you, Pamela. Pray, Pamela, said Mrs. Jervis, don't hear
a word, except he leaves the bed, and goes to the other end of the room.
Ay, out of the room, said I; expostulate to-morrow, if you must
expostulate!
I found his hand in my bosom; and when my fright let me know it, I was
ready to die; and I sighed and screamed, and fainted away. And still he
had his arms about my neck; and Mrs. Jervis was about my feet, and upon
my coat. And all in a cold dewy sweat was I. Pamela! Pamela! said Mrs.
Jervis, as she tells me since, O--h, and gave another shriek, my poor
Pamela is dead for certain! And so, to be sure, I was for a time; for I
knew nothing more of the matter, one fit following another, till about
three hours after, as it proved to be, I found myself in bed, and Mrs.
Jervis sitting upon one side, with her wrapper about her, and Rachel on
the other; and no master, for the wicked wretch was gone. But I was so
overjoyed, that I hardly could believe myself; and I said, which were my
first words, Mrs. Jervis, Mrs. Rachel, can I be sure it is you? Tell me!
can I?--Where have I been? Hush, my dear, said Mrs. Jervis; you have
been in fit after fit. I never saw any body so frightful in my life!
By this I judged Rachel knew nothing of the matter; and it seems my
wicked master had, upon Mrs. Jervis's second noise on my fainting away,
slipt out, and, as if he had come from his own chamber, disturbed by the
screaming, went up to the maids' room, (who, hearing the noise, lay
trembling, and afraid to stir,) and bid them go down, and see what was
the matter with Mrs. Jervis and me. And he charged Mrs. Jervis, and
promised to forgive her for what she had said and done, if she would
conceal the matter. So the maids came down, and all went up again, when
I came to myself a little, except Rachel, who staid to sit up with me,
and bear Mrs. Jervis company. I believe they all guess the matter to be
bad enough; though they dare not say any thing.
When I think of my danger, and the freedoms he actually took, though I
believe Mrs. Jervis saved me from worse, and she said she did, (though
what can I think, who was in a fit, and knew nothing of the matter?) I am
almost distracted.
At first I was afraid of Mrs. Jervis; but I am fully satisfied she is
very good, and I should have been lost but for her; and she takes on
grievously about it. What would have become of me, had she gone out of
the room, to still the maids, as he bid her! He'd certainly have shut
her out, and then, mercy on me! what would have become of your poor
Pamela?
I must leave off a little; for my eyes and my head are sadly bad.--This
was a dreadful trial! This was the worst of all! Oh, that I was out of
the power of this dreadfully wicked man! Pray for
Your distressed DAUGHTER.
LETTER XXVI
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I did not rise till ten o'clock, and I had all the concerns and wishes of
the family, and multitudes of inquiries about me. My wicked master went
out early to hunt; but left word he would be in to breakfast. And so he
was.
He came up to our chamber about eleven, and had nothing to do to be
sorry; for he was our master, and so put on sharp anger at first.
I had great emotions at his entering the room, and threw my apron over my
head, and fell a crying, as if my heart would break.
Mrs. Jervis, said he, since I know you, and you me so well, I don't know
how we shall live together for the future. Sir, said she, I will take
the liberty to say, what I think is best for both. I have so much grief,
that you should attempt to do any injury to this poor girl, and
especially in my chamber, that I should think myself accessary to the
mischief, if I was not to take notice of it. Though my ruin, therefore,
may depend upon it, I desire not to stay; but pray let poor Pamela and me
go together. With all my heart, said he; and the sooner the better. She
fell a crying. I find, says he, this girl has made a party of the whole
house in her favour against me. Her innocence deserves it of us all,
said she very kindly: and I never could have thought that the son of my
dear good lady departed, could have so forfeited his honour, as to
endeavour to destroy a virtue he ought to protect. No more of this, Mrs.
Jervis! said he; I will not hear it. As for Pamela, she has a lucky
knack of falling into fits, when she pleases. But the cursed yellings of
you both made me not myself. I intended no harm to her, as I told you
both, if you'd have left your squallings: And I did no harm neither, but
to myself; for I raised a hornet's nest about my ears, that, as far as I
know, may have stung to death my reputation. Sir, said Mrs. Jervis, then
I beg Mr. Longman may take my accounts, and I will go away as soon as I
can. As for Pamela, she is at her liberty, I hope, to go away next
Thursday, as she intends?
I sat still; for I could not speak nor look up, and his presence
discomposed me extremely; but I was sorry to hear myself the unhappy
occasion of Mrs. Jervis's losing her place, and hope that may be still
made up.
Well, said he, let Mr. Longman make up your accounts, as soon as you
will; and Mrs. Jewkes (who is his housekeeper in Lincolnshire) shall come
hither in your place, and won't be less obliging, I dare say, than you
have been. Said she, I have never disobliged you till now; and let me
tell you, sir, if you knew what belonged to your own reputation or
honour--No more, no more, said he, of these antiquated topics. I have
been no bad friend to you; and I shall always esteem you, though you have
not been so faithful to my secrets as I could have wished, and have laid
me open to this girl, which has made her more afraid of me than she had
occasion. Well, sir, said she, after what passed yesterday, and last
night, I think I went rather too far in favour of your injunctions than
otherwise; and I should have deserved every body's censure, as the basest
of creatures, had I been capable of contributing to your lawless
attempts. Still, Mrs. Jervis, still reflecting upon me, and all for
imaginary faults! for what harm have I done the girl?--I won't bear it,
I'll assure you. But yet, in respect to my mother, I am willing to part
friendly with you though you ought both of you to reflect on the freedom
of your conversation, in relation to me; which I should have resented
more than I do, but that I am conscious I had no business to demean
myself so as to be in your closet, where I might have expected to hear a
multitude of impertinence between you.
Well, sir, said she, you have no objection, I hope, to Pamela's going
away on Thursday next? You are mighty solicitous, said he, about Pamela:
But no, not I; let her go as soon as she will: She is a naughty girl, and
has brought all this upon herself; and upon me more trouble than she can
have had from me: But I have overcome it all, and will never concern
myself about her.
I have a proposal made me, added he, since I have been out this morning,
that I shall go near to embrace; and so wish only, that a discreet use
may be made of what is past; and there's an end of every thing with me,
as to Pamela, I'll assure you. I clasped my hands together through my
apron, overjoyed at this, though I was soon to go away: For, naughty as
he has been to me, I wish his prosperity with all my heart, for my good
old lady's sake. Well, Pamela, said he, you need not now be afraid to
speak to me; tell me what you lifted up your hands at? I said not a
word. Says he, If you like what I have said, give me your hand upon it.
I held my hand up through my apron; for I could not speak to him; and he
took hold of it, and pressed it, though less hard than he did my arm the
day before. What does the little fool cover her face for? said he: Pull
your apron away; and let me see how you look, after your freedom of
speech of me last night. No wonder you are ashamed to see me. You know
you were very free with my character.
I could not stand this barbarous insult, as I took it to be, considering
his behaviour to me; and I then spoke and said, O the difference between
the minds of thy creatures, good God! How shall some be cast down in
their innocence, while others can triumph in their guilt!
And so saying, I went up stairs to my chamber, and wrote all this; for
though he vexed me at his taunting, yet I was pleased to hear he was
likely to be married, and that his wicked intentions were so happily
overcome as to me; and this made me a little easier. And I hope I have
passed the worst; or else it is very hard. And yet I shan't think myself
at ease quite, till I am with you: For, methinks, after all, his
repentance and amendment are mighty suddenly resolved upon. But the
divine grace is not confined to space; and remorse may, and I hope has,
smitten him to the heart at once, for his injuries to poor me! Yet I
won't be too secure neither.
Having opportunity, I send now what I know will grieve you to the heart.
But I hope I shall bring my next scribble myself; and so conclude, though
half broken-hearted, Your ever dutiful DAUGHTER.
LETTER XXVII
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I am glad I desired you not to meet me, and John says you won't; for he
told you he is sure I shall get a passage well enough, either behind some
one of my fellow-servants on horseback, or by farmer Nichols's means: but
as to the chariot he talked to you of, I can't expect that favour, to be
sure; and I should not care for it, because it would look so much above
me. But farmer Brady, they say, has a chaise with one horse, and we hope
to borrow that, or hire it, rather than fail; though money runs a little
lowish, after what I have laid out; but I don't care to say so here;
though I warrant I might have what I would of Mrs. Jervis, or Mr.
Jonathan, or Mr. Longman; but then how shall I pay it? you'll say: And,
besides, I don't love to be beholden.
But the chief reason I'm glad you don't set out to meet me, is the
uncertainty; for it seems I must stay another week still, and hope
certainly to go Thursday after. For poor Mrs. Jervis will go at the same
time, she says, and can't be ready before.
Oh! that I was once well with you!--Though he is very civil too at
present, and not so cross as he was: and yet he is as vexatious another
way, as you shall hear. For yesterday he had a rich suit of clothes
brought home, which they call a birth-day suit; for he intends to go to
London against next birth-day, to see the court; and our folks will have
it he is to be made a lord.--I wish they may make him an honest man, as
he was always thought; but I have not found it so, alas for me!
And so, as I was saying, he had these clothes come home, and he tried
them on. And before he pulled them off, he sent for me, when nobody else
was in the parlour with him: Pamela, said he, you are so neat and so nice
in your own dress, (Alack-a-day, I didn't know I was!) that you must be a
judge of ours. How are these clothes made? Do they fit me?--I am no
judge, said I, and please your honour; but I think they look very fine.
His waistcoat stood on end with silver lace, and he looked very grand.
But what he did last, has made me very serious, and I could make him no
compliments. Said he, Why don't you wear your usual clothes? Though I
think every thing looks well upon you (for I still continue in my new
dress). I said, I have no clothes, sir, I ought to call my own, but
these: and it is no matter what such an one as I wears. Said he, Why you
look very serious, Pamela. I see you can bear malice.--Yes, so I can,
sir, said I, according to the occasion! Why, said he, your eyes always
look red, I think. Are you not a fool to take my last freedom so much to
heart? I am sure you, and that fool Mrs. Jervis, frightened me, by your
hideous squalling, as much as I could frighten you. That is all we had
for it, said I; and if you could be so afraid of your own servants
knowing of your attempts upon a poor unworthy creature, that is under
your protection while I stay, surely your honour ought to be more afraid
of God Almighty, in whose presence we all stand, in every action of our
lives, and to whom the greatest, as well as the least, must be
accountable, let them think what they list.
He took my hand, in a kind of good-humoured mockery, and said, Well
urged, my pretty preacher! When my Lincolnshire chaplain dies, I'll put
thee on a gown and cassock, and thou'lt make a good figure in his place.
--I wish, said I, a little vexed at his jeer, your honour's conscience
would be your preacher, and then you would need no other chaplain. Well,
well, Pamela, said he, no more of this unfashionable jargon. I did not
send for you so much for your opinion of my new suit, as to tell you, you
are welcome to stay, since Mrs. Jervis desires it, till she goes. I
welcome! said I; I am sure I shall rejoice when I am out of the house!
Well, said he, you are an ungrateful baggage; but I am thinking it would
be pity, with these fair soft hands, and that lovely skin, (as he called
it, and took hold of my hand,) that you should return again to hard work,
as you must if you go to your father's; and so I would advise her to take
a house in London, and let lodgings to us members of parliament, when we
come to town; and such a pretty daughter as you may pass for, will always
fill her house, and she'll get a great deal of money.
I was sadly vexed at this barbarous joke; but being ready to cry before,
the tears gushed out, and (endeavouring to get my hand from him, but in
vain) I said, I can expect no better: Your behaviour, sir, to me, has
been just of a piece with these words: Nay, I will say it, though you
were to be ever so angry.--I angry, Pamela? No, no, said he, I have
overcome all that; and as you are to go away, I look upon you now as Mrs.
Jervis's guest while you both stay, and not as my servant; and so you may
say what you will. But I'll tell you, Pamela, why you need not take this
matter in such high disdain!--You have a very pretty romantic turn for
virtue, and all that.--And I don't suppose but you'll hold it still: and
nobody will be able to prevail upon you. But, my child, (sneeringly he
spoke it,) do but consider what a fine opportunity you will then have for
a tale every day to good mother Jervis, and what subjects for letter-
writing to your father and mother, and what pretty preachments you may
hold forth to the young gentlemen. Ad's my heart! I think it would be
the best thing you and she could do.
You do well, sir, said I, to even your wit to such a poor maiden as me:
but, permit me to say, that if you was not rich and great, and I poor and
little, you would not insult me thus.--Let me ask you, sir, if you think
this becomes your fine clothes, and a master's station: Why so serious,
my pretty Pamela? said he: Why so grave? And would kiss me; but my heart
was full, and I said, Let me alone; I will tell you, if you was a king,
and insulted me as you have done, that you have forgotten to act like a
gentleman; and I won't stay to be used thus: I will go to the next
farmer's, and there wait for Mrs. Jervis, if she must go: and I'd have
you know, sir, that I can stoop to the ordinariest work of your
scullions, for all these nasty soft hands, sooner than bear such
ungentlemanly imputations.
I sent for you, said he, in high good humour; but it is impossible to
hold it with such an impertinent: however, I'll keep my temper. But
while I see you here, pray don't put on those dismal grave looks: Why,
girl, you should forbear them, if it were but for your pride-sake; for
the family will think you are grieving to leave the house. Then, sir,
said I, I will try to convince them of the contrary, as well as your
honour; for I will endeavour to be more cheerful while I stay, for that
very reason.
Well, replied he, I will set this down by itself, as the first time that
ever what I had advised had any weight with you. And I will add, said I,
as the first advice you have given me of late, that was fit to be
followed.--I wish said he, (I am almost ashamed to write it, impudent
gentleman as he is!) I wish I had thee as quick another way, as thou art
in thy repartees--And he laughed, and I snatched my hand from him, and I
tripped away as fast as I could. Ah! thought I, married? I am sure it
is time you were married, or, at this rate, no honest maiden ought to
live with you.
Why, dear father and mother, to be sure he grows quite a rake! How easy
it is to go from bad to worse, when once people give way to vice!
How would my poor lady, had she lived, have grieved to see it! but may be
he would have been better then! Though it seems he told Mrs. Jervis, he
had an eye upon me in his mother's life-time; and he intended to let me
know as much, by the bye, he told her! Here is shamelessness for you!
Sure the world must be near at an end! for all the gentlemen about are as
bad as he almost, as far as I can hear!--And see the fruits of such bad
examples! There is 'Squire Martin in the grove, has had three lyings-in,
it seems, in his house, in three months past; one by himself; and one by
his coachman; and one by his woodman; and yet he has turned none of them
away. Indeed, how can he, when they but follow his own vile example?
There is he, and two or three more such as he, within ten miles of us,
who keep company, and hunt with our fine master, truly; and I suppose he
is never the better for their examples. But, Heaven bless me, say I, and
send me out of this wicked house!
But, dear father and mother, what sort of creatures must the womenkind
be, do you think, to give way to such wickedness? Why, this it is that
makes every one be thought of alike: And, alack-a-day! what a world we
live in! for it is grown more a wonder that the men are resisted, than
that the women comply. This, I suppose, makes me such a sauce-box, and
bold-face, and a creature, and all because I won't be a sauce-box and
bold-face indeed.
But I am sorry for these things; one don't know what arts and stratagems
men may devise to gain their vile ends; and so I will think as well as I
can of these poor undone creatures, and pity them. For you see, by my
sad story, and narrow escapes, what hardships poor maidens go through,
whose lot it is to go out to service, especially to houses where there is
not the fear of God, and good rule kept by the heads of the family.
You see I am quite grown grave and serious; indeed it becomes the present
condition of Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
LETTER XXVIII
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
John says you wept when you read my last letter, that he carried. I am
sorry you let him see that; for they all mistrust already how matters
are, and as it is no credit that I have been attempted, though it is that
I have resisted; yet I am sorry they have cause to think so evil of my
master from any of us.
Mrs. Jervis has made up her accounts with Mr. Longman, and will stay in
her place. I am glad of it, for her own sake, and for my master's; for
she has a good master of him; so indeed all have, but poor me--and he has
a good housekeeper in her.
Mr. Longman, it seems, took upon him to talk to my master, how faithful
and careful of his interests she was, and how exact in her accounts; and
he told him, there was no comparison between her accounts and Mrs.
Jewkes's, at the Lincolnshire estate.
He said so many fine things, it seems, of Mrs. Jervis, that my master
sent for her in Mr. Longman's presence, and said Pamela might come along
with her; I suppose to mortify me, that I must go while she was to stay:
But as, when I go away, I am not to go with her, nor was she to go with
me; so I did not matter it much; only it would have been creditable to
such a poor girl, that the housekeeper would bear me company, if I went.
Said he to her, Well, Mrs. Jervis, Longman says you have made up your
accounts with him with your usual fidelity and exactness. I had a good
mind to make you an offer of continuing with me, if you can be a little
sorry for your hasty words, which, indeed, were not so respectful as I
have deserved at your hands. She seemed at a sad loss what to say,
because Mr. Longman was there, and she could not speak of the occasion of
those words, which was me.
Indeed, said Mr. Longman, I must needs say before your face, that since I
have known my master's family, I have never found such good management in
it, nor so much love and harmony neither. I wish the Lincolnshire estate
was as well served!--No more of that, said my master; but Mrs. Jervis may
stay, if she will: and here, Mrs. Jervis, pray accept of this, which at
the close of every year's accounts I will present you with, besides your
salary, as long as I find your care so useful and agreeable. And he gave
her five guineas.--She made him a low courtesy, and thanking him, looked
to me, as if she would have spoken to me.
He took her meaning, I believe; for he said,--Indeed I love to encourage
merit and obligingness, Longman; but I can never be equally kind to those
who don't deserve it at my hands, as to those who do; and then he looked
full on me. Longman, continued he, I said that girl might come in with
Mrs. Jervis, because they love to be always together. For Mrs. Jervis is
very good to her, and loves her as well as if she was her daughter. But
else--Mr. Longman, interrupting him, said, Good to Mrs. Pamela! Ay, sir,
and so she is, to be sure! But every body must be good to her; for----
He was going on: but my master said, No more, no more, Mr. Longman. I
see old men are taken with pretty young girls, as well as other folks;
and fair looks hide many a fault, where a person has the art to behave
obligingly. Why, and please your honour, said Mr. Longman, every body--
and was going on, I believe, to say something more in my praise, but he
interrupted him, and said, Not a word more of this Pamela. I can't let
her stay, I'll assure you; not only for her own freedom of speech, but
her letter-writing of all the secrets of my family. Ay, said the good
old man, I am sorry for that too! But, sir,--No more, I say, said my
master; for my reputation is so well known, (mighty fine, thought I!)
that I care not what any body writes or says of me: But to tell you the
truth, (not that it need go further,) I think of changing my condition
soon; and, you know, young ladies of birth and fortune will choose their
own servants, and that's my chief reason why Pamela can't stay. As for
the rest, said he, the girl is a good sort of body, take her altogether;
though I must needs say, a little pert, since my mother's death, in her
answers, and gives me two words for one; which I can't bear; nor is there
reason I should, you know, Longman. No, to be sure, sir, said he: but
'tis strange, methinks, she should be so mild and meek to every one of us
in the house, and forget herself so, where she should shew most respect!
Very true, Mr. Longman, said he, but so it is, I'll assure you; and it
was from her pertness, that Mrs. Jervis and I had the words: And I should
mind it the less, but that the girl (there she stands, I say it to her
face) has wit and sense above her years, and knows better.
I was in great pain to say something, but yet I knew not what, before Mr.
Longman; and Mrs. Jervis looked at me, and walked to the window to hide
her concern for me. At last, I said, It is for you, sir, to say what you
please; and for me only to say, God bless your honour!
Poor Mr. Longman faltered in his speech, and was ready to cry. Said my
insulting master to me, Why, pr'ythee, Pamela, now, shew thyself as thou
art, before Longman. Can'st not give him a specimen of that pertness
which thou hast exercised upon me sometimes?
Did he not, my dear father and mother, deserve all the truth to be told?
Yet I overcame myself so far, as to say, Well, your honour may play upon
a poor girl, that you know call answer you, but dare not.
Why, pr'ythee now, insinuator, said he, say the worst you can before
Longman and Mrs. Jervis. I challenge the utmost of thy impertinence: and
as you are going away, and have the love of every body, I would be a
little justified to my family, that you have no reason to complain of
hardships from me, as I have pert saucy answers from you, besides
exposing me by your letters.
Surely, sir, said I, I am of no consequence equal to this, in your
honour's family, that such a great gentleman as you, should need to
justify yourself about me. I am glad Mrs. Jervis stays with your honour;
and I know I have not deserved to stay: and, more than that, I don't
desire to stay.
Ads-bobbers! said Mr. Longman, and ran to me; don't say so, don't say so,
dear Mrs. Pamela! We all love you dearly: and pray down of your knees,
and ask his honour pardon, and we will all become pleaders in a body, and
I, and Mrs. Jervis too, at the head of it, to beg his honour's pardon,
and to continue you, at least, till his honour marries.--No, Mr. Longman,
said I, I cannot ask; nor will I stay, if I might. All I desire is, to
return to my poor father and mother: and though I love you all, I won't
stay.--O well-a-day, well-a-day! said the good old man, I did not expect
this!--When I had got matters thus far, and had made all up for Mrs.
Jervis, I was in hopes to have got a double holiday of joy for all the
family, in your pardon too. Well, said my master, this is a little
specimen of what I told you, Longman. You see there's a spirit you did
not expect.
Mrs. Jervis told me after, that she could stay no longer, to hear me so
hardly used; and must have spoken, had she staid, what would never have
been forgiven her; so she went out. I looked after her to go too; but my
master said, Come, Pamela, give another specimen, I desire you, to
Longman I am sure you must, if you will but speak. Well, sir, said I,
since it seems your greatness wants to be justified by my lowness, and I
have no desire you should suffer in the sight of your family, I will say,
on my bended knees, (and so I kneeled down,) that I have been a very
faulty, and a very ungrateful creature to the best of masters: I have
been very perverse and saucy; and have deserved nothing at your hands but
to be turned out of your family with shame and disgrace. I, therefore,
have nothing to say for myself, but that I am not worthy to stay, and so
cannot wish to stay, and will not stay: And so God Almighty bless you,
and you Mr. Longman, and good Mrs. Jervis, and every living soul of the
family! and I will pray for you as long as I live!--And so I rose up, and
was forced to lean upon my master's elbow-chair, or I should have sunk
down.
The poor old man wept more than I, and said, Ads-bobbers, was ever the
like heard! 'Tis too much, too much; I can't bear it. As I hope to
live, I am quite melted. Dear sir, forgive her! The poor thing prays
for you; she prays for us all! She owns her fault; yet won't be
forgiven! I profess I know not what to make of it.
My master himself, hardened wretch as he was, seemed a little moved, and
took his handkerchief out of his pocket, and walked to the window: What
sort of a day is it? said he.--And then, getting a little more hard-
heartedness, he said, Well, you may be gone from my presence, thou
strange medley of inconsistence! but you shan't stay after your time in
the house.
Nay, pray, sir, pray, sir, said the good old man, relent a little. Ads-
heartikins! you young gentlemen are made of iron and steel, I think; I'm
sure, said he, my heart's turned into butter, and is running away at my
eyes. I never felt the like before.--Said my master, with an imperious
tone, Get out of my presence, hussy! I can't bear you in my sight. Sir,
said I, I'm going as fast as I can.
But, indeed, my dear father and mother, my head was so giddy, and my
limbs trembled so, that I was forced to go holding by the wainscot all
the way with both my hands, and thought I should not have got to the
door: But when I did, as I hoped this would be my last interview with
this terrible hard-hearted master, I turned about, and made a low
courtesy, and said, God bless you, sir! God bless you, Mr. Longman! and
I went into the lobby leading to the great hall, and dropt into the first
chair; for I could get no farther a good while.
I leave all these things to your reflection, my dear parents but I can
write no more. My poor heart's almost broken! Indeed it is--O when
shall I get away!--Send me, good God, in safety, once more to my poor
father's peaceful cot!--and there the worst that can happen will be joy
in perfection to what I now bear!--O pity
Your distressed DAUGHTER.
LETTER XXIX
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I must write on, though I shall come so soon; for now I have hardly any
thing else to do. I have finished all that lay upon me, and only wait
the good time of setting out. Mrs. Jervis said, I must be low in pocket,
for what I had laid out; and so would have presented me with two guineas
of her five; but I could not take them of her, because, poor gentlewoman,
she pays old debts for her children, that were extravagant, and wants
them herself. This, though, was very good in her.
I am sorry I shall have but little to bring with me; but I know you
won't, you are so good!--and I will work the harder, when I come home, if
I can get a little plain-work, or any thing, to do. But all your
neighbourhood is so poor, that I fear I shall want work, except, may be,
dame Mumford can help me to something, from any good family she is
acquainted with.
Here, what a sad thing it is! I have been brought up wrong, as matters
stand. For, you know, my good lady, now in heaven, loved singing and
dancing; and, as she would have it, I had a voice, she made me learn
both; and often and often has she made me sing her an innocent song, and
a good psalm too, and dance before her. And I must learn to flower and
draw too, and to work fine work with my needle; why, all this too I have
got pretty tolerably at my finger's end, as they say; and she used to
praise me, and was a good judge of such matters.
Well now, what is all this to the purpose, as things have turned about?
Why, no more nor less, than that I am like the grasshopper in the fable,
which I have read of in my lady's book, as follows:--[See the Aesop's
Fables which have lately been selected and reformed from those of Sir R.
L'Estrange, and the most eminent mythologists.]
'As the ants were airing their provisions one winter, a hungry
grasshopper (as suppose it was poor I) begged a charity of them. They
told him, That he should have wrought in summer, if he would not have
wanted in winter. Well, says the grasshopper, but I was not idle
neither; for I sung out the whole season. Nay, then, said they, you'll
e'en do well to make a merry year of it, and dance in winter to the time
you sung in summer.'
So I shall make a fine figure with my singing and my dancing, when I come
home to you! Nay, I shall be unfit even for a May-day holiday-time; for
these minuets, rigadoons, and French dances, that I have been practising,
will make me but ill company for my milk-maid companions that are to be.
To be sure I had better, as things stand, have learned to wash and scour,
and brew and bake, and such like. Put I hope, if I can't get work, and
can meet with a place, to learn these soon, if any body will have the
goodness to bear with me till I am able: For, notwithstanding what my
master says, I hope I have an humble and teachable mind; and, next to
God's grace, that's all my comfort: for I shall think nothing too mean
that is honest. It may be a little hard at first; but woe to my proud
heart, if I find it so on trial; for I will make it bend to its
condition, or break it.
I have read of a good bishop that was to be burnt for his religion; and
he tried how he could bear it, by putting his fingers into the lighted
candle: So I, t'other day, tried, when Rachel's back was turned, if I
could not scour a pewter plate she had begun. I see I could do't by
degrees: It only blistered my hand in two places.
All the matter is, if I could get plain-work enough, I need not spoil my
fingers. But if I can't, I hope to make my hands as red as a blood-
pudding, and as hard as a beechen trencher, to accommodate them to my
condition.--But I must break off; here's somebody coming.
'Tis only our Hannah with a message from Mrs. Jervis.--But, hold, here's
somebody else. Well, it is only Rachel.
I am as much frighted, as were the city mouse and the country mouse, in
the same book of fables, at every thing that stirs. O! I have a power of
these things to entertain you with in winter evenings, when I come home.
If I can but get work, with a little time for reading, I hope we shall be
very happy over our peat fires.
What made me hint to you, that I should bring but little with me, is
this:
You must know, I did intend to do, as I have this afternoon: and that is,
I took all my clothes, and all my linen, and I divided them into three
parcels, as I had before told Mrs. Jervis I intended to do; and I said,
It is now Monday, Mrs. Jervis, and I am to go away on Thursday morning
betimes; so, though I know you don't doubt my honesty, I beg you will
look over my poor matters, and let every one have what belongs to them;
for, said I, you know I am resolved to take with me only what I can
properly call my own.
Said she, (I did not know her drift then; to be sure she meant well; but
I did not thank her for it, when I did know it,) Let your things be
brought down in the green-room, and I will do any thing you will have me
do.
With all my heart, said I, green-room or any where; but I think you might
step up, and see 'em as they lie.
However, I fetched 'em down, and laid them in three parcels, as before;
and, when I had done, I went down to call her up to look at them.
Now, it seems, she had prepared my master for this scene, unknown to me;
and in this green-room was a closet, with a sash-door, and a curtain
before it; for there she puts her sweet-meats and such things; and she
did it, it seems, to turn his heart, as knowing what I intended, I
suppose that he should make me take the things; for, if he had, I should
have made money of them, to help us when we got together; for, to be
sure, I could never have appeared in them.
Well, as I was saying, he had got, unknown to me, into this closet; I
suppose while I went to call Mrs. Jervis: and she since owned to me, it
was at his desire, when she told him something of what I intended, or
else she would not have done it: though I have reason, I am sure, to
remember the last closet-work.
So I said, when she came up, Here, Mrs. Jervis, is the first parcel; I
will spread it all abroad. These are the things my good lady gave me.--
In the first place, said I--and so I went on describing the clothes and
linen my lady had given me, mingling blessings, as I proceeded, for her
goodness to me; and when I had turned over that parcel, I said, Well, so
much for the first parcel, Mrs. Jervis; that was my lady's gifts.
Now I come to the presents of my dear virtuous master: Hey, you know
closet for that! Mrs. Jervis. She laughed, and said, I never saw such a
comical girl in my life! But go on. I will, Mrs. Jervis, said I, as
soon as I have opened the bundle; for I was as brisk and as pert as could
be, little thinking who heard me.
Now here, Mrs. Jervis, said I, are my ever worthy master's presents; and
then I particularised all those in the second bundle.
After which, I turned to my own, and said,
Now, Mrs. Jervis, comes poor Pamela's bundle; and a little one it is to
the others. First, here is a calico nightgown, that I used to wear o'
mornings. 'Twill be rather too good for me when I get home; but I must
have something. Then there is a quilted calamanco coat, and a pair of
stockings I bought of the pedlar, and my straw-hat with blue strings; and
a remnant of Scots cloth, which will make two shirts and two shifts, the
same I have on, for my poor father and mother. And here are four other
shifts, one the fellow to that I have on; another pretty good one, and
the other two old fine ones, that will serve me to turn and wind with at
home, for they are not worth leaving behind me; and here are two pair of
shoes, I have taken the lace off, which I will burn, and may be will
fetch me some little matter at a pinch, with an old silver buckle or two.
What do you laugh for, Mrs. Jervis? said I.--Why you are like an April
day; you cry and laugh in a breath.
Well, let me see; ay, here is a cotton handkerchief I bought of the
pedlar--there should be another somewhere. O, here it is! and here too
are my new-bought knit mittens; and this is my new flannel coat, the
fellow to that I have on and in this parcel, pinned together, are several
pieces of printed calico, remnants of silks, and such like, that, if good
luck should happen, and I should get work, would serve for robins and
facings, and such like uses. And here too are a pair of pockets: they
are too fine for me; but I have no worse. Bless me, said I, I did not
think I had so many good things!
Well, Mrs. Jervis, said I, you have seen all my store, and I will now sit
down, and tell you a piece of my mind.
Be brief then, said she, my good girl: for she was afraid, she said
afterwards, that I should say too much.
Why then the case is this: I am to enter upon a point of equity and
conscience, Mrs. Jervis; and I must beg, if you love me, you'd let me
have my own way. Those things there of my lady's, I can have no claim
to, so as to take them away; for she gave them me, supposing I was to
wear them in her service, and to do credit to her bountiful heart. But,
since I am to be turned away, you know, I cannot wear them at my poor
father's; for I should bring all the little village upon my back; and so
I resolve not to have them.
Then, Mrs. Jervis, said I, I have far less right to these of my worthy
master's; for you see what was his intention in giving them to me. So
they were to be the price of my shame, and if I could make use of them, I
should think I should never prosper with them; and, besides, you know,
Mrs. Jervis, if I would not do the good gentleman's work, why should I
take his wages? So, in conscience, in honour, in every thing, I have
nothing to say to thee, thou second wicked bundle!
But, said I, cone to my arms, my dear third parcel, the companion of my
poverty, and the witness of my honesty; and may I never deserve the least
rag that is contained in thee, when I forfeit a title to that innocence,
that I hope will ever be the pride of my life! and then I am sure it will
be my highest comfort at my death, when all the riches and pomps of the
world will be worse than the vilest rags that can be worn by beggars!
And so I hugged my third bundle.
But, said I, Mrs. Jervis, (and she wept to hear me,) one thing more I
have to trouble you with, and that's all.
There are four guineas, you know, that came out of my good lady's pocket,
when she died; that, with some silver, my master gave me: Now these same
four guineas I sent to my poor father and mother, and they have broken
them; but would make them up, if I would: and if you think it should be
so, it shall. But pray tell me honestly your mind: As to the three years
before my lady's death, do you think, as I had no wages, I may be
supposed to be quits?--By quits, I cannot mean that my poor services
should be equal to my lady's goodness; for that's impossible. But as all
her learning and education of me, as matters have turned, will be of
little service to me now; for it had been better for me to have been
brought up to hard labour, to be sure; for that I must turn to at last,
if I can't get a place: (and you know, in places too, one is subject to
such temptations as are dreadful to think of:) so, I say, by quits I only
mean, as I return all the good things she gave me, whether I may not set
my little services against my keeping; because, as I said, my learning is
not now in the question; and I am sure my dear good lady would have
thought so, had she lived; but that too is now out of the question. Well
then, if so, I would ask, Whether, in above this year that I have lived
with my master, as I am resolved to leave all his gifts behind me, I may
not have earned, besides my keeping, these four guineas, and these poor
clothes here upon my back, and in my third bundle? Now tell me your mind
freely, without favour or affection.
Alas! my dear girl, says she, you make me unable to speak to you at all:
To be sure it will be the highest affront that can be offered, for you to
leave any of these things behind you; and you must take all your bundles
with you, or my master will never forgive you.
Well, well, Mrs. Jervis, said I, I don't care; I have been too much used
to be snubbed and hardly treated by my master, of late. I have done him
no harm; and I shall always pray for him and wish him happy. But I don't
deserve these things; I know I don't. Then, I can't wear them, if I
should take them; so they can be of no use to me: And I trust I shall not
want the poor pittance, that is all I desire to keep life and soul
together. Bread and water I can live upon, Mrs. Jervis, with content.
Water I shall get any where; and if I can't get me bread, I will live
like a bird in winter upon hips and haws, and at other times upon pig-
nuts and potatoes, or turnips, or any thing. So what occasion have I for
these things?--But all I ask is about these four guineas, and if you
think I need not return them, that is all I want to know.--To be sure, my
dear, you need not, said she; you have well earned them by that waistcoat
only. No, I think not so, in that only; but in the linen, and other
things, do you think I have? Yes, yes, said she, and more. And my
keeping allowed for, I mean, said I, and these poor clothes on my back,
besides? Remember that, Mrs. Jervis. Yes, my dear odd-one, no doubt you
have. Well then, said I, I am as happy as a princess. I am quite as
rich as I wish to be: and once more, my dear third bundle, I will hug
thee to my bosom. And I beg you'll say nothing of all this till I am
gone, that my master mayn't be so angry, but that I may go in peace; for
my heart, without other matters, will he ready to break to part with you
all.
Now, Mrs. Jervis, said I, as to one matter more: and that is my master's
last usage of me, before Mr. Longman.--Said she, Pr'ythee, dear Pamela,
step to my chamber, and fetch me a paper I left on my table. I have
something to shew you in it. I will, said I, and stepped down; but that
was only a fetch, to take the orders of my master, I found. It seems he
said, he thought two or three times to have burst out upon me; but he
could not stand it, and wished I might not know he was there. But I
tripped up again so nimbly, (for there was no paper,) that I just saw his
back, as if coming out of that green-room, and going into the next to it,
the first door that was open--I whipped in, and shut the door, and bolted
it. O Mrs. Jervis! said I, what have you done by me?--I see I can't
confide in any body. I am beset on all hands. Wretched, wretched
Pamela, where shalt thou expect a friend, if Mrs. Jervis joins to betray
thee thus? She made so many protestations, (telling me all, and that he
owned I had made him wipe his eyes two or three times, and said she hoped
it would have a good effect, and remembered me, that I had said nothing
but what would rather move compassion than resentment,) that I forgave
her. But O! that I was safe from this house! for never poor creature
sure was so flustered as I have been so many months together;--I am
called down from this most tedious scribble. I wonder what will next
befall Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
Mrs. Jervis says, she is sure I shall have the chariot to carry me home
to you. Though this will look too great for me, yet it will shew as if I
was not turned away quite in disgrace. The travelling chariot is come
from Lincolnshire, and I fancy I shall go in that; for the other is quite
grand.
LETTER XXX
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I write again, though, may be, I shall bring it to you in my pocket: for
I shall have no writing, nor writing-time, I hope, when I come to you.
This is Wednesday morning, and I shall, I hope, set out to you to-morrow
morning; but I have had more trials and more vexations; but of another
complexion too a little, though all from the same quarter.
Yesterday my master, after he came from hunting, sent for me. I went
with great terror: for I expected he would storm, and be in a fine
passion with me for my freedom of speech before: so I was resolved to
begin first, with submission, to disarm his anger; and I fell upon my
knees as soon as I saw him; and said, Good sir, let me beseech you, as
you hope to be forgiven yourself, and for the sake of my dear good lady
your mother, who recommended me to you with her last words, to forgive me
all my faults; and only grant me this favour, the last I shall ask you,
that you will let me depart your house with peace and quietness of mind,
that I may take such a leave of my dear fellow-servants as befits me; and
that my heart be not quite broken.
He took me up, in a kinder manner than ever I had known; and he said,
Shut the door, Pamela, and come to me in my closet: I want to have a
little serious talk with you. How can I, sir, said I, how can I! and
wrung my hands. O pray, sir, let me go out of your presence, I beseech
you! By the God that made me, said he, I'll do you no harm. Shut the
parlour door, and come to me in my library.
He then went into his closet, which is his library, and full of rich
pictures besides; a noble apartment, though called a closet, and next the
private garden, into which it has a door that opens. I shut the parlour
door, as he bid me; but stood at it irresolute. Place some confidence in
me, said he: Surely you may, when I have spoken thus solemnly. So I
crept towards him with trembling feet, and my heart throbbing through my
handkerchief. Come in, said he, when I bid you. I did so. Pray, sir,
said I, pity and spare me. I will, said he, as I hope to be saved. He
sat down upon a rich settee; and took hold of my hand, and said, Don't
doubt me, Pamela. From this moment I will no more consider you as my
servant: and I desire you'll not use me with ingratitude for the kindness
I am going to express towards you. This a little emboldened me; and he
said, holding both my hands between his, You have too much wit and good
sense not to discover, that I, in spite of my heart, and all the pride of
it, cannot but love you. Yes, look up to me, my sweet-faced girl! I
must say I love you; and have put on a behaviour to you, that was much
against my heart, in hopes to frighten you from your reservedness. You
see I own it ingenuously; and don't play your sex upon me for it.
I was unable to speak; and he, seeing me too much oppressed with
confusion to go on in that strain, said, Well, Pamela, let me know in
what situation of life is your father: I know he is a poor man; but is he
as low and as honest as he was when my mother took you?
Then I could speak a little; and with a down look, (and I felt my face
glow like fire,) I said, Yes, sir, as poor and as honest too; and that is
my pride. Says he, I will do something for him, if it be not your fault,
and make all your family happy. All, sir, said I, he is happier already
than ever he can be, if his daughter's innocence is to be the price of
your favour: and I beg you will not speak to me on the only side that can
wound me. I have no design of that sort, said he. O sir, said I, tell
me not so, tell me not so!--'Tis easy, said he, for me to be the making
of your father, without injuring you. Well, sir, said I, if this can be
done, let me know how; and all I can do with innocence shall be the study
and practice of my life.--But, O! what can such a poor creature as I do,
and do my duty?--Said he, I would have you stay a week or fortnight only,
and behave yourself with kindness to me; I stoop to beg it of you, and
you shall see all shall turn out beyond your expectation. I see, said
he, you are going to answer otherwise than I would have you; and I begin
to be vexed I should thus meanly sue; and so I will say, that your
behaviour before honest Longman, when I used you as I did, and you could
so well have vindicated yourself, has quite charmed me. And though I am
not pleased with all you said yesterday, while I was in the closet, yet
you have moved me more to admire you than before; and I am awakened to
see more worthiness in you, than ever I saw in any lady in the world.
All the servants, from the highest to the lowest, doat upon you, instead
of envying you; and look upon you in so superior a light, as speaks what
you ought to be. I have seen more of your letters than you imagine,
(This surprised me!) and am quite overcome with your charming manner of
writing, so free, so easy, and many of your sentiments so much above your
years, and your sex; and all put together, makes me, as I tell you, love
you to extravagance. Now, Pamela, when I have stooped to acknowledge all
this, oblige me only to stay another week or fortnight, to give me time
to bring about some certain affairs, and you shall see how much you may
find your account in it.
I trembled to find my poor heart giving way.--O good sir, said I, spare a
poor girl that cannot look up to you, and speak. My heart is full; and
why should you wish to undo me?--Only oblige me, said he, to stay a
fortnight longer, and John shall carry word to your father, that I will
see him in the time, either here, or at the Swan in his village. O sir,
said I, my heart will burst; but, on my bended knees, I beg you to let me
go to-morrow, as I designed: and don't offer to tempt a poor creature,
whose whole will would be to do yours, if my virtue would permit!--I
shall permit it, said he; for I intend no injury to you, God is my
witness! Impossible! said I; I cannot, sir, believe you, after what has
passed: How many ways are there to undo poor creatures! Good God,
protect me this one time, and send me but to my dear father's cot in
safety!--Strange, d----d fate! said he, that when I speak so solemnly, I
can't be believed!--What should I believe, sir? said I, what can I
believe? What have you said, but that I am to stay a fortnight longer?
and what then is to become of me?--My pride of birth and fortune (d--n
them both! said he, since they cannot obtain credit with you, but must
add to your suspicions) will not let me descend all at once; and I ask
you but a fortnight's stay, that, after this declaration, I may pacify
those proud demands upon me.
O how my heart throbbed! and I began (for I did not know what I did) to
say the Lord's prayer. None of your beads to me Pamela! said he; thou
art a perfect nun, I think.
But I said aloud, with my eyes lifted up to heaven, Lead me not into
temptation: but deliver me from evil, O my good God! He hugged me in his
arms, and said, Well, my dear girl, then you stay this fortnight, and you
shall see what I will do for you--I'll leave you a moment, and walk into
the next room, to give you time to think of it, and to shew you I have no
design upon you. Well, this, I thought, did not look amiss.
He went out, and I was tortured with twenty different doubts in a minute;
sometimes I thought that to stay a week or fortnight longer in this house
to obey him, while Mrs. Jervis was with me, could do no great harm: But
then, thought I, how do I know what I may be able to do? I have
withstood his anger; but may I not relent at his kindness?--How shall I
stand that.--Well, I hope, thought I, by the same protecting grace in
which I will always confide!--But, then, what has he promised? Why, he
will make my poor father and mother's life comfortable. O! said I to
myself, that is a rich thought; but let me not dwell upon it, for fear I
should indulge it to my ruin.--What can he do for me, poor girl as I am!
--What can his greatness stoop to! He talks, thought I, of his pride of
heart, and pride of condition; O these are in his head, and in his heart
too, or he would not confess them to me at such an instant. Well then,
thought I, this can be only to seduce me.--He has promised nothing.--But
I am to see what he will do, if I stay a fortnight; and this fortnight,
thought I again, is no such great matter; and I shall see in a few days
how he carries it.--But then, when I again reflected upon this distance
between him and me, and his now open declaration of love, as he called
it; and that after this he would talk with me on that subject more
plainly than ever, and I shall be less armed, may be, to withstand him;
and then I bethought myself, why, if he meant no dishonour, he should not
speak before Mrs. Jervis; and the odious frightful closet came again into
my head, and my narrow escape upon it; and how easy it might be for him
to send Mrs. Jervis and the maids out of the way; and so that all the
mischief he designed me might be brought about in less than that time; I
resolved to go away and trust all to Providence, and nothing to myself.
And how ought I to be thankful for this resolution!--as you shall hear.
But just as I have writ to this place, John sends me word, that he is
going this minute your way; and so I will send you so far as I have
written, and hope by to-morrow night, to ask your blessings, at your own
poor, but happy abode, and tell you the rest by word of mouth; and so I
rest, till then, and for ever, Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
LETTER XXXI
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I will continue my writing still, because, may be, I shall like to read
it, when I am with you, to see what dangers I have been enabled to
escape; and though I bring it along with me.
I told you my resolution, my happy resolution as I have reason to think
it: and just then he came in again, with great kindness in his looks, and
said, I make no doubt, Pamela, you will stay this fortnight to oblige me.
I knew not how to frame my words so as to deny, and yet not make him
storm. But, said I, Forgive, sir, your poor distressed servant. I know
I cannot possibly deserve any favour at your hands, consistent with
virtue; and I beg you will let me go to my poor father. Why, said he,
thou art the veriest fool that I ever knew. I tell you I will see your
father; I'll send for him hither to-morrow, in my travelling chariot, if
you will; and I'll let him know what I intend to do for him and you.
What, sir, may I ask you, can that be? Your honour's noble estate may
easily make him happy, and not unuseful, perhaps to you, in some respect
or other. But what price am I to pay for all this?--Yon shall be happy
as you can wish, said he, I do assure you: And here I will now give you
this purse, in which are fifty guineas, which I will allow your father
yearly, and find an employ suitable to his liking, to deserve that and
more: Pamela, he shall never want, depend upon it. I would have given
you still more for him, but that, perhaps, you'd suspect I intended it as
a design upon you.--O sir, said I, take back your guineas! I will not
touch one, nor will my father, I am sure, till he knows what is to be
done for them; and particularly what is to become of me. Why then,
Pamela, said he, suppose I find a man of probity, and genteel calling,
for a husband for you, that shall make you a gentlewoman as long as you
live?--I want no husband, sir, said I: for now I began to see him in all
his black colours!--Yet being so much in his power, I thought I would a
little dissemble. But, said he, you are so pretty, that go where you
will, you can never be free from the designs of some or other of our sex;
and I shall think I don't answer the care of my dying mother for you, who
committed you to me, if I don't provide you a husband to protect your
virtue, and your innocence; and a worthy one I have thought of for you.
O black, perfidious creature! thought I, what an implement art thou in
the hands of Lucifer, to ruin the innocent heart!--Yet still I
dissembled: for I feared much both him and the place I was in. But,
whom, pray sir, have you thought of?--Why, said he, young Mr. Williams,
my chaplain, in Lincolnshire, who will make you happy. Does he know,
sir, said I, any thing of your honour's intentions?--No, my girl, said
he, and kissed me, (much against my will; for his very breath was now
poison to me,) but his dependance upon my favour, and your beauty and
merit, will make him rejoice at my kindness to him. Well, sir, said I,
then it is time enough to consider of this matter; and it cannot hinder
me from going to my father's: for what will staying a fortnight longer
signify to this? Your honour's care and goodness may extend to me there,
as well as here; and Mr. Williams, and all the world, shall know that I
am not ashamed of my father's poverty.
He would kiss me again, and I said, If I am to think of Mr. Williams, or
any body, I beg you'll not be so free with me: that is not pretty, I'm
sure. Well, said he, but you stay this next fortnight, and in that time
I'll have both Williams and your father here; for I will have the match
concluded in my house; and when I have brought it on, you shall settle it
as you please together. Meantime take and send only these fifty pieces
to your father, as an earnest of my favour, and I'll make you all happy.
--Sir, said I, I beg at least two hours to consider of this. I shall,
said he, be gone out in one hour; and I would have you write to your
father what I propose; and John shall carry it on purpose: and he shall
take the purse with him for the good old man, if you approve it. Sir,
said I, I will then let you know in one hour my resolution. Do so, said
he; and gave me another kiss, and let nee go.
O how I rejoiced I had got out of his clutches!--So I write you this,
that you may see how matters stand; for I am resolved to come away, if
possible. Base, wicked, treacherous gentleman as he is!
So here was a trap laid for your poor Pamela! I tremble to think of it!
O what a scene of wickedness was here laid down for all my wretched life!
Black-hearted wretch! how I hate him!--For, at first, as you'll see by
what I have written, he would have made me believe other things; and this
of Mr. Williams, I suppose, came into his head after he walked out from
his closet, to give himself time to think how to delude me better: but
the covering was now too thin, and easy to be seen through.
I went to my chamber, and the first thing I did was to write to him; for
I thought it was best not to see him again, if I could help it; and I put
it under his parlour door, after I had copied it, as follows:
'HONOURED SIR,
'Your last proposal to me convinces me, that I ought not to stay, but to
go to my father, if it were but to ask his advice about Mr. Williams.
And I am so set upon it, that I am not to be persuaded. So, honoured
sir, with a thousand thanks for all favours, I will set out to-morrow
early; and the honour you designed me, as Mrs. Jervis tells me, of your
chariot, there will be no occasion for: because I can hire, I believe,
farmer Brady's chaise. So, begging you will not take it amiss, I shall
ever be 'Your dutiful Servant.'
'As to the purse, sir, my poor father, to be sure, won't forgive me, if I
take it, till he can know how to deserve it which is impossible.'
So he has just now sent Mrs. Jervis to tell me, that since I am resolved
to go, go I may, and the travelling chariot shall be ready; but it shall
be worse for me; for that he will never trouble himself about me as long
as he lives. Well, so I get out of the house, I care not; only I should
have been glad I could, with innocence, have made you, my dear parents,
happy.
I cannot imagine the reason of it, but John, who I thought was gone with
my last, is but now going; and he sends to know if I have any thing else
to carry. So I break off to send you this with the former.
I am now preparing for my journey, and about taking leave of my good
fellow-servants: and if I have not time to write, I must tell you the
rest, when I am so happy as to be with you.
One word more: I slip in a paper of verses, on my going: sad poor stuff!
but as they come from me, you'll not dislike them, may be. I shewed them
to Mrs. Jervis, and she liked them, and took a copy; and made one sing
them to her, and in the green-room too; but I looked into the closet
first. I will only add, that I am Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
Let me just say, That he has this moment sent me five guineas by Mrs.
Jervis, as a present for my pocket: So I shall be very rich; for as she
brought them, I thought I might take them. He says he won't see me: and
I may go when I will in the morning; and Lincolnshire Robin shall drive
me: but he is so angry, he orders that nobody shall go out at the door
with me, not so much as into the coach-yard. Well! I can't help it, not
I! But does not this expose himself more than me?
But John waits, and I would have brought this and the other myself; but
he says, he has put it up among other things, and so can take both as
well as one.
John is very good, and very honest; I am under great obligations to him.
I'd give him a guinea, now I'm so rich, if I thought he'd take it. I
hear nothing of my lady's clothes, and those my master gave me: for I
told Mrs. Jervis, I would not take them; but I fancy, by a word or two
that was dropped, they will be sent after me. Dear sirs! what a rich
Pamela you'll have if they should! But as I can't wear them if they do,
I don't desire them; and if I have them, will turn them into money, as I
can have opportunity. Well, no more--I'm in a fearful hurry!
VERSES ON MY GOING AWAY.
I.
My fellow-servants dear, attend
To these few lines, which I have penn'd:
I'm sure they're from your honest friend,
And wisher-well, poor PAMELA.
II.
I, from a state of low degree,
Was plac'd in this good family:
Too high a fate for humble me,
The helpless, hopeless PAMELA.
III.
Yet though my happy lot was so,
Joyful, I homeward from it go,
No less content, when poor and low,
Than here you find your PAMELA.
IV.
For what indeed is happiness,
But conscience innocence and peace?
And that's a treasure I possess;
Thank Heaven that gave it PAMELA.
V.
My future lot I cannot know
But this I'm sure, where'er I go,
Whate'er I am, whate'er I do,
I'll be the grateful PAMELA.
VI.
No sad regrets my heart annoy,
I'll pray for all your peace and joy,
From master high, to scullion boy,
For all your loves to PAMELA.
VII.
One thing or two I've more to say;
God's holy will, be sure, obey;
And for our master always pray,
As ever shall poor PAMELA.
VIII.
For, oh! we pity should the great,
Instead of envying their estate;
Temptations always on 'em wait,
Exempt from which are such as we.
IX.
Their riches, gay deceitful snares,
Enlarge their fears, increase their cares
Their servants' joy surpasses theirs;
At least so judges PAMELA.
X.
Your parents and relations love
Let them your duty ever prove;
And you'll be bless'd by Heav'n above,
As will, I hope, poor PAMELA.
XI.
For if asham'd I e'er could be
Of my dear parents' low degree,
What lot had been too mean for me,
Unbless'd, unvirtuous PAMELA.
XII.
Thrice happy may you ever be,
Each one in his and her degree;
And, sirs, whene'er you think of me,
Pray for content to PAMELA.
XIII.
Pray for her wish'd content and peace;
And rest assur'd she'll never cease,
To pray for all your joys increase,
While life is lent to PAMELA.
XIV.
On God all future good depends:
Serve him. And so my sonnet ends,
With, thank ye, thank ye, honest friends,
For all your loves to PAMELA,
Here it is necessary the reader should know, that the fair Pamela's
trials were not yet over; but the worst were to come, at a time when she
thought them at an end, and that she was returning to her father: for
when her master found her virtue was not to be subdued, and he had in
vain tried to conquer his passion for her, being a gentleman of pleasure
and intrigue, he had ordered his Lincolnshire coachman to bring his
travelling chariot from thence, not caring to trust his Bedfordshire
coachman, who, with the rest of the servants, so greatly loved and
honoured the fair damsel; and having given him instructions accordingly,
and prohibited the other servants, on pretence of resenting Pamela's
behaviour, from accompanying her any part of the road, he drove her five
miles on the way to her father's; and then turning off, crossed the
country, and carried her onwards toward his Lincolnshire estate.
It is also to be observed, that the messenger of her letters to her
father, who so often pretended business that way, was an implement in his
master's hands, and employed by him for that purpose; and always gave her
letters first to him, and his master used to open and read them, and then
send them on; by which means, as he hints to her, (as she observes in her
letter XXX) he was no stranger to what she wrote. Thus every way was the
poor virgin beset: And the whole will shew the base arts of designing men
to gain their wicked ends; and how much it behoves the fair sex to stand
upon their guard against artful contrivances, especially when riches and
power conspire against innocence and a low estate.
A few words more will be necessary to make the sequel better understood.
The intriguing gentleman thought fit, however, to keep back from her
father her three last letters; in which she mentions his concealing
himself to hear her partitioning out her clothes, his last effort to
induce her to stay a fortnight, his pretended proposal of the chaplain,
and her hopes of speedily seeing them, as also her verses; and to send
himself a letter to her father, which is as follows:
'GOODMAN ANDREWS,
'You will wonder to receive a letter from me. But I think I am obliged
to let you know, that I have discovered the strange correspondence
carried on between you and your daughter, so injurious to my honour and
reputation, and which, I think, you should not have encouraged, till you
knew there were sufficient grounds for those aspersions, which she so
plentifully casts upon me. Something possibly there might be in what she
has written from time to time; but, believe me, with all her pretended
simplicity and innocence, I never knew so much romantic invention as she
is mistress of. In short, the girl's head's turned by romances, and such
idle stuff, to which she has given herself up, ever since her kind lady's
death. And she assumes airs, as if she was a mirror of perfection, and
every body had a design upon her.
'Don't mistake me, however; I believe her very honest, and very virtuous;
but I have found out also, that she is carrying on a sort of
correspondence, or love affair, with a young clergyman, that I hope in
time to provide for; but who, at present, is destitute of any subsistence
but my favour: And what would be the consequence, can you think, of two
young folks, who have nothing in the world to trust to of their own to
come together with a family multiplying upon them before they have bread
to eat.
'For my part, I have too much kindness to them both, not to endeavour to
prevent it, if I can; and for this reason I have sent her out of his way
for a little while, till I can bring them both to better consideration;
and I would not, therefore, have you be surprised you don't see your
daughter so soon as you might possibly expect.
'Yet I do assure you, upon my honour, that she shall be safe and
inviolate; and I hope you don't doubt me, notwithstanding any airs she
may have given herself, upon my jocular pleasantry to her, and perhaps a
little innocent romping with her, so usual with young folks of the two
sexes, when they have been long acquainted, and grown up together; for
pride is not my talent.
'As she is a mighty letter-writer, I hope she has had the duty to apprise
you of her intrigue with the young clergyman; and I know not whether it
meets with your countenance: But now she is absent for a little while,
(for I know he would have followed her to your village, if she had gone
home; and there, perhaps, they would have ruined one another, by
marrying,) I doubt not I shall bring him to see his interest, and that he
engages not before he knows how to provide for a wife: And when that can
be done, let them come together in God's name, for me.
'I expect not to be answered on this head, but by your good opinion, and
the confidence you may repose in my honour: being
'Your hearty friend to serve you.'
'P. S. I find my man John has been the manager of the correspondence, in
which such liberties have been taken with me. I shall soon, in a manner
that becomes me, let the saucy fellow know how much I resent his part of
the affair. It is hard thing, that a man of my character in the world
should be used thus freely by his own servants.'
It is easy to guess at the poor old man's concern, upon reading this
letter from a gentleman of so much consideration. He knew not what
course to take, and had no manner of doubt of his poor daughter's
innocence, and that foul play was designed her. Yet he sometimes hoped
the best, and was ready to believe the surmised correspondence between
the clergyman and her, having not received the letters she wrote, which
would have cleared up that affair.
But, after all, he resolved, as well to quiet his own as her mother's
uneasiness, to undertake a journey to the 'squire's; and leaving his poor
wife to excuse him to the farmer who employed him, he set out that very
evening, late as it was; and travelling all night, found himself, soon
after day-light, at the gate of the gentleman, before the family was up:
and there he sat down to rest himself till he should see somebody
stirring.
The grooms were the first he saw, coming out to water their horses; and
he asked, in so distressful a manner, what was become of Pamela, that
they thought him crazy: and said, Why, what have you to do with Pamela,
old fellow? Get out of the horses' way.--Where is your master? said the
poor man: Pray, gentlemen, don't be angry: my heart's almost broken.--He
never gives any thing at the door, I assure you, says one of the grooms;
so you lose your labour. I am not a beggar yet, said the poor old man; I
want nothing of him, but my Pamela:--O my child! my child!
I'll be hanged, says one of them, if this is not Mrs. Pamela's father.--
Indeed, indeed, said he, wringing his hands, I am; and weeping, Where is
my child? Where is my Pamela?--Why, father, said one of them, we beg
your pardon; but she is gone home to you: How long have you been come
from home?--O! but last night, said he; I have travelled all night: Is
the 'squire at home, or is he not?--Yes, but he is not stirring though,
said the groom, as yet. Thank God for that! said he; thank God for that!
Then I hope I may be permitted to speak to him anon. They asked him to
go in, and he stepped into the stable, and sat down on the stairs there,
wiping his eyes, and sighing so sadly, that it grieved the servants to
hear him.
The family was soon raised with a report of Pamela's father coming to
inquire after his daughter; and the maids would fain have had him go into
the kitchen. But Mrs. Jervis, having been told of his coming, arose, and
hastened down to her parlour, and took him in with her, and there heard
all his sad story, and read the letter. She wept bitterly, but yet
endeavoured, before him, to hide her concern; and said, Well, Goodman
Andrews, I cannot help weeping at your grief; but I hope there is no
occasion. Let nobody see this letter, whatever you do. I dare say your
daughter is safe.
Well, but, said he, I see you, madam, know nothing about her:--If all was
right, so good a gentlewoman as you are, would not have been a stranger
to this. To be sure you thought she was with me!
Said she, My master does not always inform his servants of his
proceedings; but you need not doubt his honour. You have his hand for
it: And you may see he can have no design upon her, because he is not
from hence, and does not talk of going hence. O that is all I have to
hope for! said he; that is all, indeed!--But, said he--and was going on,
when the report of his coming had reached the 'squire, who came down, in
his morning-gown and slippers, into the parlour, where he and Mrs. Jervis
were talking.
What's the matter, Goodman Andrews? said he, what's the matter? Oh my
child! said the good old man, give me my child! I beseech you.--Why, I
thought, says the 'squire, that I had satisfied you about her: Sure you
have not the letter I sent you, written with my own hand. Yes, yes, but
I have, sir, said he; and that brought me hither; and I have walked all
night. Poor man, returned he, with great seeming compassion, I am sorry
for it truly! Why, your daughter has made a strange racket in my family;
and if I thought it would have disturbed you so much, I would have e'en
let her go home; but what I did was to serve her, and you too. She is
very safe, I do assure you, Goodman Andrews; and you may take my honour
for it, I would not injure her for the world. Do you think I would, Mrs.
Jervis? No, I hope not, sir, said she.--Hope not! said the poor man; so
do I; but pray, sir, give me my child, that is all I desire; and I'll
take care no clergyman shall come near her.
Why, London is a great way off, said the 'squire, and I can't send for
her back presently. What, then, said he, have you sent my poor Pamela to
London? I would not have said it so, replied the 'squire; but I assure
you, upon my honour, she is quite safe and satisfied, and will quickly
inform you of it by letter. She is in a reputable family, no less than a
bishop's, and is to wait on his lady, till I get the matter over that I
mentioned to you.
O how shall I know this? replied he.--What, said the 'squire, pretending
anger, am I to be doubted?--Do you believe I can have any view upon your
daughter? And if I had, do you think I would take such methods as these
to effect it? Why, surely, man, thou forgettest whom thou talkest to.
O, sir, said he, I beg your pardon! but consider my dear child is in the
case; let me but know what bishop, and where; and I will travel to London
on foot, to see my daughter, and then be satisfied.
Why, Goodman Andrews, I think thou hast read romances as well as thy
daughter, and thy head's turned with them. May I have not my word taken?
Do you think, once more, I would offer any thing dishonourable to your
daughter? Is there any thing looks like it?--Pr'ythee, man, recollect a
little who I am; and if I am not to be believed, what signifies talking?
Why, sir, said he, pray forgive me; but there is no harm to say, What
bishop's, or whereabouts? What, and so you'd go troubling his lordship
with your impertinent fears and stories! Will you be satisfied, if you
have a letter from her within a week, it may be less, if she be not
negligent, to assure you all is well with her! Why that, said the poor
man, will be some comfort. Well then, said the gentleman, I can't answer
for her negligence, if she don't write: And if she should send a letter
to you, Mrs. Jervis, (for I desire not to see it; I have had trouble
enough about her already,) be sure you send it by a man and horse the
moment you receive it. To be sure I will, answered she. Thank your
honour, said the good man: And then I must wait with as much patience as
I can for a week, which will be a year to me.
I tell you, said the gentleman, it must be her own fault if she don't
write; for 'tis what I insisted upon, for my own reputation; and I shan't
stir from this house, I assure you, till she is heard from, and that to
your satisfaction. God bless your honour, said the poor man, as you say
and mean truth! Amen, Amen, Goodman Andrews, said he: you see I am not
afraid to say Amen. So, Mrs. Jervis, make the good man as welcome as you
can; and let me have no uproar about the matter.
He then, whispering her, bid her give him a couple of guineas to bear his
charges home; telling him, he should be welcome to stay there till the
letter came, if he would, and be a witness, that he intended honourably,
and not to stir from his house for one while.
The poor old man staid and dined with Mrs. Jervis, with some tolerable
ease of mind, in hopes to hear from his beloved daughter in a few days;
and then accepting the present, returned for his own house, and resolved
to be as patient as possible.
Meantime Mrs. Jervis, and all the family, were in the utmost grief for
the trick put upon the poor Pamela; and she and the steward represented
it to their master in as moving terms as they durst; but were forced to
rest satisfied with his general assurances of intending her no harm;
which, however, Mrs. Jervis little believed, from the pretence he had
made in his letter, of the correspondence between Pamela and the young
parson; which she knew to be all mere invention, though she durst not say
so.
But the week after, they were made a little more easy by the following
letter brought by an unknown hand, and left for Mrs. Jervis, which, how
procured, will be shewn in the sequel.
'DEAR MRS. JERVIS,
'I have been vilely tricked, and, instead of being driven by Robin to my
dear father's, I am carried off, to where, I have no liberty to tell.
However, I am at present not used hardly, in the main; and write to beg
of you to let my dear father and mother (whose hearts must be well nigh
broken) know that I am well, and that I am, and, by the grace of God,
ever will he, their honest, as well as dutiful daughter, and
'Your obliged friend,
'PAMELA ANDREWS.'
'I must neither send date nor place; but have most solemn assurances of
honourable usage. This is the only time my low estate has been
troublesome to me, since it has subjected me to the frights I have
undergone. Love to your good self, and all my dear fellow-servants.
Adieu! adieu! but pray for poor PAMELA.'
This, though it quieted not entirely their apprehensions, was shewn to
the whole family, and to the gentleman himself, who pretended not to know
how it came; and Mrs. Jervis sent it away to the good old folks; who at
first suspected it was forged, and not their daughter's hand; but,
finding the contrary, they were a little easier to hear she was alive and
honest: and having inquired of all their acquaintance what could be done,
and no one being able to put them in a way how to proceed, with effect,
on so extraordinary an occasion, against so rich and so resolute a
gentleman; and being afraid to make matters worse, (though they saw
plainly enough, that she was in no bishop's family, and so mistrusted all
the rest of his story,) they applied themselves to prayers for their poor
daughter, and for an happy issue to an affair that almost distracted
them.
We shall now leave the honest old pair praying for their dear Pamela, and
return to the account she herself gives of all this; having written it
journal-wise, to amuse and employ her time, in hopes some opportunity
might offer to send it to her friends; and, as was her constant view,
that she might afterwards thankfully look back upon the dangers she had
escaped, when they should be happily overblown, as in time she hoped they
would be; and that then she might examine, and either approve or repent
of her own conduct in them.
LETTER XXXII
O MY DEAREST FATHER AND MOTHER!
Let me write, and bewail my miserable hard fate, though I have no hope
how what I write can be conveyed to your hands!--I have now nothing to
do, but write and weep, and fear and pray! But yet what can I hope for,
when I seem to be devoted, as a victim to the will of a wicked violator
of all the laws of God and man!--But, gracious Heaven, forgive me my
rashness and despondency! O let me not sin against thee; for thou best
knowest what is fittest for thy poor handmaid!--And as thou sufferest not
thy poor creatures to be tempted above what they can bear, I will resign
myself to thy good pleasure: And still, I hope, desperate as my condition
seems, that as these trials are not of my own seeking, nor the effects of
my presumption and vanity, I shall be enabled to overcome them, and, in
God's own good time, be delivered from them.
Thus do I pray imperfectly, as I am forced by my distracting fears and
apprehensions; and O join with me, my dear parents!--But, alas! how can
you know, how can I reveal to you, the dreadful situation of your poor
daughter! The unhappy Pamela may be undone (which God forbid, and sooner
deprive me of life!) before you can know her hard lot!
O the unparalleled wickedness, stratagems, and devices, of those who call
themselves gentlemen, yet pervert the design of Providence, in giving
them ample means to do good, to their own everlasting perdition, and the
ruin of poor oppressed innocence!
But now I will tell you what has befallen me; and yet, how shall you
receive it? Here is no honest John to carry my letters to you! And,
besides, I am watched in all my steps; and no doubt shall be, till my
hard fate may ripen his wicked projects for my ruin. I will every day,
however, write my sad state; and some way, perhaps, may be opened to send
the melancholy scribble to you. But, alas! when you know it, what will
it do but aggravate your troubles? For, O! what can the abject poor do
against the mighty rich, when they are determined to oppress?
Well, but I must proceed to write what I had hoped to tell you in a few
hours, when I believed I should receive your grateful blessings, on my
return to you from so many hardships.
I will begin with my account from the last letter I wrote you, in which I
enclosed my poor stuff of verses; and continue it at times, as I have
opportunity; though, as I said, I know not how it can reach you.
The long-hoped for Thursday morning came, when I was to set out. I had
taken my leave of my fellow-servants overnight; and a mournful leave it
was to us all: for men, as well as women servants, wept much to part with
me; and, for my part, I was overwhelmed with tears, and the affecting
instances of their esteem. They all would have made me little presents,
as tokens of their love; but I would not take any thing from the lower
servants, to be sure. But Mr. Longman would have me accept of several
yards of Holland, and a silver snuff-box, and a gold ring, which he
desired me to keep for his sake; and he wept over me; but said, I am sure
so good a maiden God will bless; and though you return to your poor
father again, and his low estate, yet Providence will find you out:
Remember I tell you so; and one day, though I mayn't live to see it, you
will be rewarded.
I said, O, dear Mr. Longman! you make me too rich, and too mody; and yet
I must be a beggar before my time for I shall want often to be
scribbling, (little thinking it would be my only employment so soon,) and
I will beg you, sir, to favour me with some paper; and, as soon as I get
home, I will write you a letter, to thank you for all your kindness to
me; and a letter to good Mrs. Jervis too.
This was lucky; for I should have had none else, but at the pleasure of
my rough-natured governess, as I may call her; but now I can write to
ease my mind, though I can't send it to you; and write what I please, for
she knows not how well I am provided: for good Mr. Longman gave me above
forty sheets of paper, and a dozen pens, and a little phial of ink; which
last I wrapped in paper, and put in my pocket; and some wax and wafers.
O dear sir, said I, you have set me up. How shall I requite you? He
said, By a kiss, my fair mistress: And I gave it very willingly; for he
is a good old man.
Rachel and Hannah cried sadly, when I took my leave; and Jane, who
sometimes used to be a little crossish, and Cicely too, wept sadly, and
said, they would pray for me; but poor Jane, I doubt, will forget that;
for she seldom says her prayers for herself: More's the pity!
Then Arthur the gardener, our Robin the coachman, and Lincolnshire Robin
too, who was to carry me, were very civil; and both had tears in their
eyes; which I thought then very good-natured in Lincolnshire Robin,
because he knew but little of me.--But since, I find he might well be
concerned; for he had then his instructions, it seems, and knew how he
was to be a means to entrap me.
Then our other three footmen, Harry, Isaac, and Benjamin, and grooms, and
helpers, were very much affected likewise; and the poor little scullion-
boy, Tommy, was ready to run over for grief.
They had got all together over-night, expecting to be differently
employed in the morning; and they all begged to shake hands with me, and
I kissed the maidens, and prayed to God to bless them all; and thanked
them for all their love and kindness to me: and, indeed, I was forced to
leave them sooner than I would, because I could not stand it: Indeed I
could not. Harry (I could not have thought it; for he is a little
wildish, they say) cried till he sobbed again. John, poor honest John,
was not then come back from you. But as for the butler, Mr. Jonathan, he
could not stay in company.
I thought to have told you a deal about this; but I have worse things to
employ my thoughts.
Mrs. Jervis, good Mrs. Jervis, cried all night long; and I comforted her
all I could: And she made me promise, that if my master went to London to
attend parliament, or to Lincolnshire, I would come and stay a week with
her: and she would have given me money; but I would not take it.
Well, next morning came, and I wondered I saw nothing of poor honest
John; for I waited to take leave of him, and thank him for all his
civilities to me and to you. But I suppose he was sent farther by my
master, and so could not return; and I desired to be remembered to him.
And when Mrs. Jervis told me, with a sad heart, the chariot was ready
with four horses to it, I was just upon sinking into the ground, though I
wanted to be with you.
My master was above stairs, and never asked to see me. I was glad of it
in the main; but he knew, false heart as he is, that I was not to be out
of his reach.--O preserve me, Heaven, from his power, and from his
wickedness!
Well, they were not suffered to go with me one step, as I writ to you
before; for he stood at the window to see me go. And in the passage to
the gate, out of his sight, there they stood all of them, in two rows;
and we could say nothing on both sides, but God bless you! and God bless
you! But Harry carried my own bundle, my third bundle, as I was used to
call it, to the coach, with some plumb-cake, and diet-bread, made for me
over-night, and some sweet-meats, and six bottles of Canary wine, which
Mrs. Jervis would make me take in a basket, to cheer our hearts now and
then, when we got together, as she said. And I kissed all the maids
again, and shook hands with the men again: but Mr. Jonathan and Mr.
Longman were not there; and then I tripped down the steps to the chariot,
Mrs. Jervis crying most sadly.
I looked up when I got to the chariot, and I saw my master at the window,
in his gown; and I courtesied three times to him very low, and prayed for
him with my hands lifted up; for I could not speak; indeed I was not
able: And he bowed his head to me, which made me then very glad he would
take such notice of me; and in I stepped, and was ready to burst with
grief; and could only, till Robin began to drive, wave my white
handkerchief to them, wet with my tears: and, at last, away he drove,
Jehu-like, as they say, out of the court-yard. And I too soon found I
had cause for greater and deeper grief.
Well, said I to myself, at this rate I shall soon be with my dear father
and mother; and till I had got, as I supposed, half-way, I thought of the
good friends I had left: And when, on stopping for a little bait to the
horses, Robin told me I was near half-way, I thought it was high time to
wipe my eyes, and think to whom I was going; as then, alack for me! I
thought. So I began to ponder what a meeting I should have with you; how
glad you'd both be to see me come safe and innocent to you, after all my
dangers: and so I began to comfort myself, and to banish the other gloomy
side from my mind; though, too, it returned now and then; for I should be
ungrateful not to love them for their love.
Well, I believe I set out about eight o'clock in the morning; and I
wondered and wondered, when it was about two, as I saw by a church dial,
in a little village as we passed through, that I was still more and more
out of my knowledge. Hey-day, thought I, to drive this strange pace, and
to be so long a going a little more than twenty miles, is very odd! But
to be sure, thought I, Robin knows the way.
At last he stopped, and looked about him, as if he was at a loss for the
road; and I said, Mr. Robert, sure you are out of the way!--I'm afraid I
am, said he. But it can't be much; I'll ask the first person I see.
Pray do, said I; and he gave his horses a mouthful of bay: and I gave him
some cake, and two glasses of Canary wine; and stopt about half an hour
in all. Then he drove on very fast again.
I had so much to think of, of the dangers I now doubted not I had
escaped, of the loving friends I had left, and my best friends I was
going to; and the many things I had to relate to you; that I the less
thought of the way, till I was startled out of my meditations by the sun
beginning to set, and still the man driving on, and his horses sweating
and foaming; and then I began to be alarmed all at once, and called to
him; and he said he had horrid ill luck, for he had come several miles
out of the way, but was now right, and should get in still before it was
quite dark. My heart began then to misgive me a little, and I was very
much fatigued; for I had no sleep for several nights before, to signify;
and at last I said, Pray Mr. Robert, there is a town before us, what do
you call it?--If we are so much out of the way, we had better put up
there, for the night comes on apace: And, Lord protect me! thought I, I
shall have new dangers, mayhap, to encounter with the man, who have
escaped the master--little thinking of the base contrivance of the
latter.--Says he, I am just there: 'Tis but a mile on one side of the
town before us.--Nay, said I, I may be mistaken; for it is a good while
since I was this way; but I am sure the face of the country here is
nothing like what I remember it.
He pretended to be much out of humour with himself for mistaking the way,
and at last stopped at a farmhouse, about two miles beyond the village I
had seen; and it was then almost dark, and he alighted, and said, We must
make shift here; for I am quite out.
Lord, thought I, be good to the poor Pamela! More trials still!--What
will befall me next?
The farmer's wife, and maid, and daughter, came out; and the wife said,
What brings you this way at this time of night, Mr. Robert? And with a
lady too?--Then I began to be frightened out of my wits; and laying
middle and both ends together, I fell a crying, and said, God give me
patience! I am undone for certain!--Pray, mistress, said I, do you know
'Squire B----, of Bedfordshire?
The wicked coachman would have prevented the answering me; but the simple
daughter said, Know his worship! yes, surely! why he is my father's
landlord.--Well, said I, then I am undone; undone for ever!--O, wicked
wretch! what have I done to you, said I to the coachman, to serve me
thus?--Vile tool of a wicked master!--Faith, said the fellow, I am sorry
this task was put upon me; but I could not help it. But make the best of
it now; here are very civil reputable folks; and you'll be safe here,
I'll assure you.--Let me get out, said I, and I'll walk back to the town
we came through, late as it is:--For I will not enter here.
Said the farmer's wife, You'll be very well used here, I'll assure you,
young gentlewoman, and have better conveniences than any where in the
village. I matter not conveniences, said I: I am betrayed and undone!
As you have a daughter of your own, pity me, and let me know if your
landlord, as you call him, be here!--No, I'll assure you he is not, said
she.
And then came the farmer, a good-like sort of man, grave, and well-
behaved; and spoke to me in such sort, as made me a little pacified; and
seeing no help for it, I went in; and the wife immediately conducted me
up stairs to the best apartment, and told me, that was mine as long as I
staid: and nobody should come near me but when I called. I threw myself
on the bed in the room, tired and frightened to death almost; and gave
way to the most excessive fit of grief that I ever had.
The daughter came up, and said, Mr. Robert had given her a letter to give
me; and there it was. I raised myself, and saw it was the hand and seal
of the wicked wretch, my master, directed to Mrs. Pamela Andrews.--This
was a little better than to have him here; though, if he had, he must
have been brought through the air; for I thought I was.
The good woman (for I began to see things about a little reputable, and
no guile appearing in them, but rather a face of grief for my grief)
offered me a glass of some cordial water, which I accepted, for I was
ready to sink; and then I sat up in a chair a little, though very
faintish: and they brought me two candles, and lighted a brushwood fire;
and said, if I called, I should be waited on instantly; and so left me to
ruminate on my sad condition, and to read my letter, which I was not able
to do presently. After I had a little come to myself, I found it to
contain these words:
'DEAR PAMELA,
'The passion I have for you, and your obstinacy, have constrained me to
act by you in a manner that I know will occasion you great trouble and
fatigue, both of mind and body. Yet, forgive me, my dear girl; for,
although I have taken this step, I will, by all that's good and holy! use
you honourably. Suffer not your fears to transport you to a behaviour
that will be disreputable to us both: for the place where you'll receive
this, is a farm that belongs to me; and the people civil, honest, and
obliging.
'You will, by this time, be far on your way to the place I have allotted
for your abode for a few weeks, till I have managed some affairs, that
will make me shew myself to you in a much different light, than you may
possibly apprehend from this rash action: And to convince you, that I
mean no harm, I do assure you, that the house you are going to, shall be
so much at your command, that even I myself will not approach it without
leave from you. So make yourself easy; be discreet and prudent; and a
happier turn shall reward these your troubles, than you may at present
apprehend.
'Meantime I pity the fatigue you will have, if this come to your hand in
the place I have directed: and will write to your father to satisfy him,
that nothing but what is honourable shall be offered to you, by
Your passionate admirer, (so I must style myself,)
'---------------'
Don't think hardly of poor Robin: You have so possessed all my servants
in your favour, that I find they had rather serve you than me; and 'tis
reluctantly the poor fellow undertook this task; and I was forced to
submit to assure him of my honourable intentions to you, which I am fully
resolved to make good, if you compel me not to a contrary conduct.'
I but too well apprehended that the letter was only to pacify me for the
present; but as my danger was not so immediate as I had reason to dread,
and he had promised to forbear coming to me, and to write to you, my dear
parents, to quiet your concern, I was a little more easy than before and
I made shift to eat a little bit of boiled chicken they had got for me,
and drank a glass of my sack, and made each of them do so too.
But after I had so done, I was again a little flustered; for in came the
coachman with the look of a hangman, I thought, and madamed me up
strangely; telling me, he would beg me to get ready to pursue my journey
by five in the morning, or else he should be late in. I was quite
grieved at this; for I began not to dislike my company, considering how
things stood; and was in hopes to get a party among them, and so to put
myself into any worthy protection in the neighbourhood, rather than go
forward.
When he withdrew, I began to tamper with the farmer and his wife. But,
alas! they had had a letter delivered them at the same time I had; so
securely had Lucifer put it into his head to do his work; and they only
shook their heads, and seemed to pity me; and so I was forced to give
over that hope.
However, the good farmer shewed me his letter; which I copied as follows:
for it discovers the deep arts of this wicked master; and how resolved he
seems to be on my ruin, by the pains he took to deprive me of all hopes
of freeing myself from his power.
'FARMER NORTON,
'I send to your house, for one night only, a young gentlewoman, much
against her will, who has deeply embarked in a love affair, which will be
her ruin, as well as the person's to whom she wants to betroth herself.
I have, to oblige her father, ordered her to be carried to one of my
houses, where she will be well used, to try, if by absence, and
expostulation with both, they can be brought to know their own interest
and I am sure you will use her kindly for my sake: for, excepting this
matter, which she will not own, she does not want prudence and
discretion. I will acknowledge any trouble you shall be at in this
matter the first opportunity; and am
'Your Friend and Servant.'
He had said, too cunningly for me, that I would not own this pretended
love affair; so that he had provided them not to believe me, say what I
would; and as they were his tenants, who all love him, (for he has some
amiable qualities, and so he had need!) I saw all my plot cut out, and so
was forced to say the less.
I wept bitterly, however; for I found he was too hard for me, as well in
his contrivances as riches; and so had recourse again to my only refuge,
comforting myself, that God never fails to take the innocent heart into
his protection, and is alone able to baffle and confound the devices of
the mighty. Nay, the farmer was so prepossessed with the contents of his
letter, that he began to praise his care and concern for me, and to
advise me against entertaining addresses without my friends' advice and
consent; and made me the subject of a lesson for his daughter's
improvement. So I was glad to shut up this discourse; for I saw I was
not likely to be believed.
I sent, however, to tell my driver, that I was so fatigued, I could not
get out so soon the next morning. But he insisted upon it, and said, It
would make my day's journey the lighter; and I found he was a more
faithful servant to his master, notwithstanding what he wrote of his
reluctance, than I could have wished: I saw still more and more, that all
was deep dissimulation, and contrivance worse and worse.
Indeed I might have shewn them his letter to me, as a full confutation of
his to them; but I saw no probability of engaging them in my behalf: and
so thought it signified little, as I was to go away so soon, to enter
more particularly into the matter with them; and besides, I saw they were
not inclinable to let me stay longer, for fear of disobliging him so I
went to bed, but had very little rest: and they would make their servant-
maid bear me company in the chariot five miles, early in the morning, and
she was to walk hack.
I had contrived in my thoughts, when I was on my way in the chariot, on
Friday morning, that when we came into some town to bait, as he must do
for the horses' sake, I would, at the inn, apply myself, if I saw I any
way could, to the mistress of the inn, and tell her the case, and to
refuse to go farther, having nobody but this wicked coachman to contend
with.
Well, I was very full of this project, and in great hopes, some how or
other, to extricate myself in this way. But, oh! the artful wretch had
provided for even this last refuge of mine; for when we came to put up at
a large town on the way, to eat a morsel for dinner, and I was fully
resolved to execute my project, who should be at the inn that he put up
at, but the wicked Mrs. Jewkes, expecting me! And her sister-in-law was
the mistress of it; and she had provided a little entertainment for me.
And this I found, when I desired, as soon as I came in, to speak with the
mistress of the house. She came to me: and I said, I am a poor unhappy
young body, that want your advice and assistance; and you seem to be a
good sort of a gentlewoman, that would assist an oppressed innocent
person. Yes, madam, said she, I hope you guess right; and I have the
happiness to know something of the matter before you speak. Pray call my
sister Jewkes.--Jewkes! Jewkes! thought I; I have heard of that name; I
don't like it.
Then the wicked creature appeared, whom I had never seen but once before,
and I was terrified out of my wits. No stratagem, thought I, not one!
for a poor innocent girl; but every thing to turn out against me; that is
hard indeed!
So I began to pull in my horns, as they say, for I saw I was now worse
off than at the farmer's.
The naughty woman came up to me with an air of confidence, and kissed me:
See, sister, said she, here's a charming creature! Would she not tempt
the best lord in the land to run away with her? O frightful! thought I;
here's an avowal of the matter at once: I am now gone, that's certain.
And so was quite silent and confounded; and seeing no help for it, (for
she would not part with me out of her sight) I was forced to set out with
her in the chariot for she came thither on horseback, with a man-servant,
who rode by us the rest of the way, leading her horse: and now I gave
over all thoughts of redemption, and was in a desponding condition
indeed.
Well, thought I, here are strange pains taken to ruin a poor innocent,
helpless, and even worthless young body. This plot is laid too deep, and
has been too long hatching, to be baffled, I fear. But then I put my
trust in God, who I knew was able to do every thing for me, when all
other possible means should fail: and in him I was resolved to confide.
You may see--(Yet, oh! that kills me; for I know not whether ever you can
see what I now write or no--Else you will see)--what sort of woman that
Mrs. Jewkes is, compared to good Mrs. Jervis, by this:----
Every now and then she would be staring in my face, in the chariot, and
squeezing my hand, and saying, Why, you are very pretty, my silent dear!
And once she offered to kiss me. But I said, I don't like this sort of
carriage, Mrs. Jewkes; it is not like two persons of one sex. She fell a
laughing very confidently, and said, That's prettily said, I vow! Then
thou hadst rather be kissed by the other sex? 'I fackins, I commend thee
for that!
I was sadly teased with her impertinence, and bold way; but no wonder;
she was innkeeper's housekeeper, before she came to my master; and those
sort of creatures don't want confidence, you know: and indeed she made
nothing to talk boldly on twenty occasions; and said two or three times,
when she saw the tears every now and then, as we rid, trickle down my
cheeks, I was sorely hurt, truly, to have the handsomest and finest young
gentleman in five counties in love with me!
So I find I am got into the hands of a wicked procuress; and if I was not
safe with good Mrs. Jervis, and where every body loved me, what a
dreadful prospect have I now before me, in the hands of a woman that
seems to delight in filthiness!
O dear sirs! what shall I do! What shall I do!--Surely, I shall never be
equal to all these things!
About eight at night, we entered the court-yard of this handsome, large,
old, and lonely mansion, that looks made for solitude and mischief, as I
thought, by its appearance, with all its brown nodding horrors of lofty
elms and pines about it: and here, said I to myself, I fear, is to be the
scene of my ruin, unless God protect me, who is all-sufficient!
I was very sick at entering it, partly from fatigue, and partly from
dejection of spirits: and Mrs. Jewkes got me some mulled wine, and seemed
mighty officious to welcome me thither; and while she was absent,
ordering the wine, the wicked Robin came in to me, and said, I beg a
thousand pardons for my part in this affair, since I see your grief and
your distress; and I do assure you, that I am sorry it fell to my task.
Mighty well, Mr. Robert! said I; I never saw an execution but once, and
then the hangman asked the poor creature's pardon, and wiped his mouth,
as you do, and pleaded his duty, and then calmly tucked up the criminal.
But I am no criminal, as you all know: And if I could have thought it my
duty to obey a wicked master in his unlawful command, I had saved you all
the merit of this vile service.
I am sorry, said he, you take it so: but every body don't think alike.
Well, said I, you have done your part, Mr. Robert, towards my ruin, very
faithfully; and will have cause to be sorry, may be, at the long run,
when you shall see the mischief that comes of it.--Your eyes were open,
and you knew I was to be carried to my father's, and that I was
barbarously tricked and betrayed; and I can only, once more, thank you
for your part of it. God forgive you!
So he went away a little sad. What have you said to Robin, madam? said
Mrs. Jewkes: (who came in as he went out:) the poor fellow's ready to
cry. I need not be afraid of your following his example, Mrs. Jewkes,
said I: I have been telling him, that he has done his part to my ruin:
and he now can't help it! So his repentance does me no good; I wish it
may him. I'll assure you, madam, said she, I should be as ready to cry
as he, if I should do you any harm. It is not in his power to help it
now, said I; but your part is to come, and you may choose whether you'll
contribute to my ruin or not.--Why, look ye, madam, said she, I have a
great notion of doing my duty to my master; and therefore you may depend
upon it, if I can do that, and serve you, I will: but you must think, if
your desire, and his will, come to clash once, I shall do as he bids me,
let it be what it will.
Pray, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, don't madam me so: I am but a silly poor girl,
set up by the gambol of fortune, for a May-game; and now am to be
something, and now nothing, just as that thinks fit to sport with me: And
let you and me talk upon a foot together; for I am a servant inferior to
you, and so much the more, as I am turned out of place.
Ay, ay, says she, I understand something of the matter; you have so great
power over my master, that you may soon be mistress of us all; and so I
would oblige you, if I could. And I must and will call you madam; for I
am instructed to shew you all respect, I'll assure you.
Who instructed you so to do? said I. Who! my master, to be sure, said
she. Why, said I, how can that be? You have not seen him lately. No,
that's true, said she; but I have been expecting you here some time; (O
the deep laid wickedness! thought I:) and, besides, I have a letter of
instructions by Robin; but, may be, I should not have said so much. If
you would shew them to me, said I, I should be able to judge how far I
could, or could not, expect favour from you, consistent with your duty to
our master. I beg your pardon, fair mistress, for that, said she, I am
sufficiently instructed; and you may depend upon it, I will observe my
orders; and, so far as they will let me, so far will I oblige you; and
there's an end of it.
Well, said I, you will not, I hope, do an unlawful or wicked thing, for
any master in the world. Look ye, said she, he is my master; and if he
bids me do any thing that I can do, I think I ought to do it; and let
him, who has his power to command me, look to the lawfulness of it. Why,
said I, suppose he should bid you cut my throat, Would you do it?
There's no danger of that, said she; but to be sure I would not; for then
I should be hanged! for that would be murder. Well, said I, and suppose
he should resolve to ensnare a poor young creature, and ruin her, would
you assist him in that? For to rob a person of her virtue is worse than
cutting her throat.
Why now, says she, how strangely you talk! Are not the two sexes made
for one another? And is it not natural for a gentleman to love a pretty
woman? And suppose he can obtain his desires, is that so bad as cutting
her throat? And then the wretch fell a laughing, and talked most
impertinently, and shewed me, that I had nothing to expect from her
virtue or conscience: and this gave me great mortification; for I was in
hopes of working upon her by degrees.
So we ended our discourse here, and I bid her shew me where I must lie.--
Why, said she, lie where you list, madam; I can tell you, I must lie with
you for the present. For the present! said I, and torture then wrung my
heart!--But is it in your instructions, that you must lie with me? Yes,
indeed, said she.--I am sorry for it, said I. Why, said she, I am
wholesome, and cleanly too, I'll assure you. Yes, said I, I don't doubt
that; but I love to lie by myself. How so? said she; Was not Mrs. Jervis
your bed-fellow at t'other house?
Well, said I, quite sick of her, and my condition; you must do as you are
instructed, I think. I can't help myself, and am a most miserable
creature. She repeated her insufferable nonsense. Mighty miserable,
indeed, to be so well beloved by one of the finest gentlemen in England!
I am now come down in my writing to this present SATURDAY, and a deal I
have written.
My wicked bed-fellow has very punctual orders, it seems; for she locks me
and herself in, and ties the two keys (for there is a double door to the
room) about her wrist, when she goes to bed. She talks of the house
having been attempted to be broken open two or three times; whether to
fright me, I can't tell; but it makes me fearful; though not so much as I
should be, if I had not other and greater fears.
I slept but little last night, and got up, and pretended to sit by the
window, which looks into the spacious gardens; but I was writing all the
time, from break of day, to her getting up, and after, when she was
absent.
At breakfast she presented the two maids to me, the cook and house-maid,
poor awkward souls, that I can see no hopes of, they seem so devoted to
her and ignorance. Yet I am resolved, if possible, to find some way to
escape, before this wicked master comes.
There are, besides, of servants, the coachman, Robert, a groom, a helper,
a footman; all but Robert, (and he is accessary to my ruin,) strange
creatures, that promise nothing; and all likewise devoted to this woman.
The gardener looks like a good honest man; but he is kept at a distance,
and seems reserved.
I wondered I saw not Mr. Williams the clergyman, but would not ask after
him, apprehending it might give some jealousy; but when I had beheld the
rest, he was the only one I had hopes of; for I thought his cloth would
set him above assisting in my ruin.--But in the afternoon he came; for it
seems he has a little Latin school in the neighbouring village, which he
attends; and this brings him in a little matter, additional to my
master's favour, till something better falls, of which he has hopes.
He is a sensible sober young gentleman; and when I saw him I confirmed
myself in my hopes of him; for he seemed to take great notice of my
distress and grief; (for I could not hide it;) though he appeared fearful
of Mrs. Jewkes, who watched all our motions and words.
He has an apartment in the house; but is mostly at a lodging in the town,
for a conveniency of his little school; only on Saturday afternoon and
Sundays: and he preaches sometimes for the minister of the village, which
is about three miles off.
I hope to go to church with him to-morrow: Sure it is not in her
instructions to deny me! He can't have thought of every thing! And
something may strike out for me there.
I have asked her, for a feint, (because she shan't think I am so well
provided,) to indulge me with pen and ink, though I have been using my
own so freely when her absence would let me; for I begged to be left to
myself as much as possible. She says she will let me have it; but then I
must promise not to send any writing out of the house, without her seeing
it. I said, it was only to divert my grief when I was by myself, as I
desired to be; for I loved writing as well as reading; but I had nobody
to send to, she knew well enough.
No, not at present, may be, said she; but I am told you are a great
writer; and it is in my instructions to see all you write: So, look you
here, said she, I will let you have a pen and ink, and two sheets of
paper: for this employment will keep you out of worse thoughts: but I
must see them always when I ask, written or not written. That's very
hard, said I; but may I not have to myself the closet in the room where
we lie, with the key to lock up my things? I believe I may consent to
that, said she; and I will set it in order for you, and leave the key in
the door. And there is a spinnet too, said she; if it be in tune, you
may play to divert you now and then; for I know my old lady learnt you:
And below is my master's library: you may take out what books you will.
And, indeed, these and my writing will be all my amusement: for I have no
work given me to do; and the spinnet, if in tune, will not find my mind,
I am sure, in tune to play upon it. But I went directly and picked out
some books from the library, with which I filled a shelf in the closet
she gave me possession of; and from these I hope to receive improvement,
as well as amusement. But no sooner was her back turned, than I set
about hiding a pen of my own here, and another there, for fear I should
come to be denied, and a little of my ink in a broken China cup, and a
little in another cup; and a sheet of paper here and there among my
linen, with a little of the wax, and a few wafers, in several places,
lest I should be searched; and something, I thought, might happen to open
a way for my deliverance, by these or some other means. O the pride,
thought I, I shall have, if I can secure my innocence, and escape the
artful wiles of this wicked master! For, if he comes hither, I am
undone, to be sure! For this naughty woman will assist him, rather than
fail, in the worst of his attempts; and he'll have no occasion to send
her out of the way, as he would have done Mrs. Jervis once. So I must
set all my little wits at work.
It is a grief to me to write, and not to be able to send to you what I
write: but now it is all the diversion I have, and if God will favour my
escape with my innocence, as I trust he graciously will, for all these
black prospects, with what pleasure shall I read them afterwards!
I was going to say, Pray for your dutiful daughter, as I used; but, alas!
you cannot know my distress, though I am sure I have your prayers: And I
will write on as things happen, that if a way should open, my scribble
may be ready to be sent: For what I do, must be at a jerk, to be sure.
O how I want such an obliging honest-hearted man as John!
I am now come to SUNDAY.
Well, here is a sad thing! I am denied by this barbarous woman to go to
church, as I had built upon I might: and she has huffed poor Mr. Williams
all to pieces, for pleading for me. I find he is to be forbid the house,
if she pleases. Poor gentleman! all his dependance is upon my master,
who has a very good living for him, if the incumbent die; and he has kept
his bed these four months, of old age and dropsy.
He pays me great respect, and I see pities me; and would, perhaps, assist
my escape from these dangers: But I have nobody to plead for me; and why
should I wish to ruin a poor gentleman, by engaging him against his
interest? Yet one would do any thing to preserve one's innocence; and
Providence would, perhaps, make it up to him!
O judge (but how shall you see what I write!) of my distracted condition,
to be reduced to such a pass as to a desire to lay traps for mankind!
But he wants sadly to say something to me, as he whisperingly hinted.
The wretch (I think I will always call her the wretch henceforth) abuses
me more and more. I was but talking to one of the maids just now, indeed
a little to tamper with her by degrees: and she popt upon us, and said--
Nay, madam, don't offer to tempt poor innocent country maidens from doing
their duty. You wanted, I hear, she should take a walk with you. But I
charge you, Nan, never stir with her, nor obey her, without letting me
know it, in the smallest trifles.--I say, walk with you! and where would
you go, I tro'? Why, barbarous Mrs. Jewkes, said I, only to look a
little up the elm-walk, since you would not let me go to church.
Nan, said she, to shew me how much they were all in her power, pull off
madam's shoes, and bring them to me. I have taken care of her others.--
Indeed she shan't, said I.--Nay, said Nan, but I must if my mistress bids
me: so pray, madam, don't hinder me. And so indeed (would you believe
it?) she took my shoes off, and left me barefoot: and, for my share, I
have been so frighted at this, that I have not power even to relieve my
mind by my tears. I am quite stupefied to be sure!--Here I was forced to
leave off.
Now I will give you a picture of this wretch: She is a broad, squat,
pursy, fat thing, quite ugly, if any thing human can be so called; about
forty years old. She has a huge hand, and an arm as thick as my waist, I
believe. Her nose is flat and crooked, and her brows grow down over her
eyes; a dead spiteful, grey, goggling eye, to be sure she has. And her
face is flat and broad; and as to colour, looks like as if it had been
pickled a month in saltpetre: I dare say she drinks:--She has a hoarse,
man-like voice, and is as thick as she is long; and yet looks so deadly
strong, that I am afraid she would dash me at her foot in an instant, if
I was to vex her.--So that with a heart more ugly than her face, she
frightens me sadly: and I am undone to be sure, if God does not protect
me; for she is very, very wicked--indeed she is.
This is poor helpless spite in me:--But the picture is too near the truth
notwithstanding. She sends me a message just now, that I shall have my
shoes again, if I will accept of her company to walk with me in the
garden.--To waddle with me, rather, thought I.
Well, 'tis not my business to quarrel with her downright. I shall be
watched the narrower, if I do; and so I will go with the hated wretch.--O
for my dear Mrs. Jervis! or, rather, to be safe with my dear father and
mother.
Oh! I am out of my wits for joy! Just as I have got my shoes on, I am
told John, honest John, is come on horseback!--A blessing on his faithful
heart! What joy is this! But I'll tell you more by and by. I must not
let her know I am so glad to see this dear blessed John, to be sure!--
Alas! but he looks sad, as I see him out of the window! What can be the
matter!--I hope my dear parents are well, and Mrs. Jervis, and Mr.
Longman, and every body, my naughty master not excepted;--for I wish him
to live and repent of all his wickedness to poor me.
O dear heart! what a world do we live in!--I am now come to take up my
pen again: But I am in a sad taking truly! Another puzzling trial, to be
sure.
Here was John, as I said, and the poor man came to me, with Mrs. Jewkes,
who whispered, that I would say nothing about the shoes, for my own sake,
as she said. The poor man saw my distress, by my red eyes, and my hagged
looks, I suppose; for I have had a sad time of it, you must needs think;
and though he would have hid it, if he could, yet his own eyes ran over.
Oh, Mrs. Pamela; said he; Oh, Mrs. Pamela! Well, honest fellow-servant,
said I, I cannot help it at present: I am obliged to your honesty and
kindness, to be sure; and then he wept more. Said I, (for my heart was
ready to break to see his grief; for it is a touching thing to see a man
cry), Tell me the worst! Is my master coming? No, no, said he, and
sobbed.--Well, said I, is there any news of my poor father and mother?
How do they do?--I hope well, said he, I know nothing to the contrary.
There is no mishap, I hope, to Mrs. Jervis or to Mr. Longman, or my
fellow-servants!--No--said he, poor man! with a long N--o, as if his
heart would burst. Well, thank God then! said I.
The man's a fool, said Mrs. Jewkes, I think: What ado is here! Why, sure
thou'rt in love, John. Dost thou not see young madam is well? What ails
thee, man? Nothing at all, said he; but I am such a fool as to cry for
joy to see good Mrs. Pamela: But I have a letter for you.
I took it, and saw it was from my master; so I put it in my pocket. Mrs.
Jewkes, said I, you need not, I hope, see this. No, no, said she, I see
whose it is, well enough; or else, may be, I must have insisted on
reading it.
And here is one for you, Mrs. Jewkes, said he; but yours, said he to me,
requires an answer, which I must carry back early in the morning, or to-
night, if I can.
You have no more, John, said Mrs. Jewkes, for Mrs. Pamela, have you? No,
said he, I have not, but every body's kind love and service. Ay, to us
both, to be sure, said she. John, said I, I will read the letter, and
pray take care of yourself; for you are a good man, God bless you! and I
rejoice to see you, and hear from you all. But I longed to say more;
only that nasty Mrs. Jewkes.
So I went up, and locked myself in my closet, and opened the letter; and
this is a copy of it:
'My DEAREST PAMELA,
'I send purposely to you on an affair that concerns you very much, and me
somewhat, but chiefly for your sake. I am conscious that I have
proceeded by you in such a manner as may justly alarm your fears, and
give concern to your honest friends: and all my pleasure is, that I can
and will make you amends for the disturbance I have given you. As I
promised, I sent to your father the day after your departure, that he
might not be too much concerned for you, and assured him of my honour to
you; and made an excuse, such an one as ought to have satisfied him, for
your not coming to him. But this was not sufficient, it seems; for he,
poor man! came to me next morning, and set my family almost in an uproar
about you.
'O my dear girl! what trouble has not your obstinacy given me, and
yourself too! I had no way to pacify him, but to promise that he should
see a letter written from you to Mrs. Jervis, to satisfy him you are
well.
'Now all my care in this case is for your aged parents, lest they should
be touched with too fatal a grief; and for you, whose duty and affection
for them I know to be so strong and laudable; for this reason I beg you
will write a few lines to them, and let me prescribe the form; which I
have done, putting myself as near as I can in your place, and expressing
your sense, with a warmth that I doubt will have too much possessed you.
'After what is done, and which cannot now be helped, but which, I assure
you, shall turn out honourably for you, I expect not to be refused;
because I cannot possibly have any view in it, but to satisfy your
parents; which is more your concern than mine; and so I must beg you will
not alter one tittle of the underneath. If you do, it will be impossible
for me to send it, or that it should answer the good end I propose by it.
'I have promised, that I will not approach you without your leave. If I
find you easy, and not attempting to dispute or avoid your present lot, I
will keep to my word, although it is a difficulty upon me. Nor shall
your restraint last long: for I will assure you, that I am resolved very
soon to convince you of my good intentions, and with what ardour I am
'Yours, etc.'
The letter he prescribed for me was as this:
'DEAR Mrs. JERVIS,
'I have, instead of being driven by Robin to my dear father's, been
carried off, where I have no liberty to tell. However, at present, I am
not used hardly; and I write to beg you to let my dear father and mother,
whose hearts must be well nigh broken, know that I am well; and that I
am, and, by the grace of God, ever will be, their honest, as well as
dutiful daughter, and 'Your obliged friend.'
'I must neither send date nor place; but have most solemn assurances of
honourable usage.'
I knew not what to do on this most strange request and occasion. But my
heart bled so much for you, my dear father, who had taken the pains to go
yourself, and inquire after your poor daughter, as well as for my dear
mother, that I resolved to write, and pretty much in the above form, that
it might be sent to pacify you, till I could let you, somehow or other,
know the true state of the matter. And I wrote thus to my strange wicked
master himself:
'SIR,
'If you knew but the anguish of my mind, and how much I suffer by your
dreadful usage of me, you would surely pity me, and consent to my
deliverance. What have I done, that I should be the only mark of your
cruelty? I can have no hope, no desire of living left me, because I
cannot have the least dependence, after what has passed, upon your solemn
assurances.--It is impossible they should be consistent with the
dishonourable methods you take.
'Nothing but your promise of not seeing me here in my deplorable bondage,
can give me the least ray of hope.
'Don't, I beseech you, drive the poor distressed Pamela upon a rock, that
may be the destruction both of her soul and body! You don't know, sir,
how dreadfully I dare, weak as I am of mind and intellect, when my virtue
is in danger. And, O! hasten my deliverance, that a poor unworthy
creature, below the notice of such a gentleman as you, may not be made
the sport of a high condition, for no reason in the world, but because
she is not able to defend herself, nor has a friend that can right her.
'I have, sir, in part to shew my obedience to you, but indeed, I own,
more to give ease to the minds of my poor distressed parents, whose
poverty, one would think, should screen them from violences of this sort,
as well as their poor daughter, followed pretty much the form you have
prescribed for me, in the letter to Mrs. Jervis; and the alterations I
have made (for I could not help a few) are of such a nature, as, though
they shew my concern a little, yet must answer the end you are pleased to
say you propose by this letter.
'For God's sake, good sir, pity my lowly condition, and my present great
misery; and let me join with all the rest of your servants to bless that
goodness, which you have extended to every one but the poor afflicted,
heart-broken 'PAMELA.'
I thought, when I had written this letter, and that which he had
prescribed, it would look like placing a confidence in Mrs. Jewkes, to
shew them to her; and I shewed her, at the same time, my master's letter
to me; for I believed the value he expressed for me, would give me credit
with one who professed in every thing to serve him, right or wrong;
though I had so little reason, I fear, to pride myself in it: and I was
not mistaken; for it has seemed to influence her not a little, and she is
at present mighty obliging, and runs over in my praises; but is the less
to be minded, because she praises as much the author of my miseries, and
his honourable intentions, as she calls them; for I see, that she is
capable of thinking, as I fear he does, that every thing that makes for
his wicked will is honourable, though to the ruin of the innocent. Pray
God I may find it otherwise! Though, I hope, whatever the wicked
gentleman may intend, that I shall be at last rid of her impertinent bold
way of talk, when she seems to think, from his letter, that he means
honourably.
I am now come to MONDAY, the 5th Day of my Bondage and Misery.
I was in hope to have an opportunity to see John, and have a little
private talk with him, before he went away; but it could not be. The
poor man's excessive sorrow made Mrs. Jewkes take it into her head, to
think he loved me; and so she brought up a message to me from him this
morning that he was going. I desired he might come up to my closet, as I
called it, and she came with him. The honest man, as I thought him, was
as full of concern as before, at taking leave and I gave him two letters,
the one for Mrs. Jervis, enclosed in another for my master: but Mrs.
Jewkes would see me seal them up, lest I should enclose any thing else.--
I was surprised, at the man's going away, to see him drop a bit of paper,
just at the head of the stairs, which I took up without being observed by
Mrs. Jewkes: but I was a thousand times more surprised, when I returned
to my closet, and opening it read as follows:
'GOOD MRS. PAMELA,
'I am grieved to tell you how much you have been deceived and betrayed,
and that by such a vile dog as I. Little did I think it would come to
this. But I must say, if ever there was a rogue in the world, it is me.
I have all along shewed your letters to my master: He employed me for
that purpose; and he saw every one, before I carried them to your father
and mother; and then scaled them up, and sent me with them. I had some
business that way, but not half so often as I pretended: and as soon as I
heard how it was, I was ready to hang myself. You may well think I could
not stand in your presence. O vile, vile wretch, to bring you to this!
If you are ruined, I am the rogue that caused it. All the justice I can
do you, is to tell you, you are in vile hands; and I am afraid will be
undone in spite of all your sweet innocence; and I believe I shall never
live, after I know it. If you can forgive me, you are exceeding good;
but I shall never forgive myself, that's certain. Howsomever, it will do
you no good to make this known; and may-hap I may live to do you service.
If I can, I will: I am sure I ought.--Master kept your last two or three
letters, and did not send them at all. I am the most abandoned wretch of
wretches. 'J. ARNOLD.'
'You see your undoing has been long hatching. Pray take care of your
sweet self. Mrs. Jewkes is a devil: but in my master's t'other house you
have not one false heart, but myself. Out upon me for a villain!'
My dear father and mother, when you come to this place, I make no doubt
your hair will stand on end as mine does!--O the deceitfulness of the
heart of man!--This John, that I took to be the honestest of men; that
you took for the same; that was always praising you to me, and me to you,
and for nothing so much as for our honest hearts; this very fellow was
all the while a vile hypocrite, and a perfidious wretch, and helping to
carry on my ruin.
But he says so much of himself, that I will only sit down with this sad
reflection, That power and riches never want tools to promote their
vilest ends, and there is nothing so hard to be known as the heart of
man:--I can but pity the poor wretch, since he seems to have great
remorse, and I believe it best to keep his wickedness secret. If it lies
in my way, I will encourage his penitence; for I may possibly make some
discoveries by it.
One thing I should mention in this place; he brought down, in a
portmanteau, all the clothes and things my lady and master had given me,
and moreover two velvet hoods, and a velvet scarf, that used to be worn
by my lady; but I have no comfort in them, or any thing else.
Mrs. Jewkes had the portmanteau brought into my closet, and she shewed me
what was in it; but then locked it up, and said, she would let me have
what I would out of it, when I asked; but if I had the key, it might make
me want to go abroad, may be; and so the confident woman put it in her
pocket.
I gave myself over to sad reflections upon this strange and surprising
discovery of John's, and wept much for him, and for myself too; for now I
see, as he says, my ruin has been long hatching, that I can make no doubt
what my master's honourable professions will end in. What a heap of hard
names does the poor fellow call himself! But what must they deserve,
then, who set him to work? O what has this wicked master to answer for,
to be so corrupt himself, and to corrupt others, who would have been all
innocent; and to carry on a poor plot, I am sure for a gentleman, to ruin
a poor creature, who never did him harm, nor wished him any; and who can
still pray for his happiness, and his repentance?
I can't but wonder what these gentlemen, as they are called, can think of
themselves for these vile doings! John had some inducement; for he hoped
to please his master, who rewarded him and was bountiful to him; and the
same may be said, bad as she is, for this same odious Mrs. Jewkes. But
what inducement has my master for taking so much pains to do the devil's
work for him?--If he loves me, as 'tis falsely called, must he therefore
lay traps for me, to ruin me and make me as bad as himself? I cannot
imagine what good the undoing of such a poor creature as I can procure
him.--To be sure, I am a very worthless body. People, indeed, say I am
handsome; but if I was so, should not a gentleman prefer an honest
servant to a guilty harlot? And must he be more earnest to seduce me,
because I dread of all things to be seduced, and would rather lose my
life than my honesty?
Well, these are strange things to me! I cannot account for them, for my
share; but sure nobody will say, that these fine gentlemen have any
tempter but their own wicked wills!--his naughty master could run away
from me, when he apprehended his servants might discover his vile
attempts upon me in that sad closet affair; but is it not strange that he
should not be afraid of the all-seeing eye, from which even that base
plotting heart of his, in its most secret motions, could not be hid?--But
what avail me these sorrowful reflections? He is and will be wicked, and
designs me a victim to his lawless attempts, if the God in whom I trust,
and to whom I hourly pray, prevent it not.
Tuesday and Wednesday.
I have been hindered by this wicked woman's watching me so close, from
writing on Tuesday; and so I will put both these days together. I have
been a little turn with her for an airing, in the chariot, and walked
several times in the garden; but have always her at my heels.
Mr. Williams came to see us, and took a walk with us once; and while her
back was just turned, (encouraged by the hint he had before given me,) I
said, Sir, I see two tiles upon that parsley-bed; might not one cover
them with mould, with a note between them, on occasion?--A good hint,
said he; let that sunflower by the back-door of the garden be the place;
I have a key to the door; for it is my nearest way to the town.
So I was forced to begin. O what inventions will necessity push us upon!
I hugged myself at the thought; and she coming to us, he said, as if he
was continuing a discourse we were in: No, not extraordinary pleasant.
What's that? what's that? said Mrs. Jewkes.--Only, said he, the town, I'm
saying, is not very pleasant. No, indeed, said she, it is not; it is a
poor town, to my thinking. Are there any gentry in it? said I. And so
we chatted on about the town, to deceive her. But my deceit intended no
hurt to any body.
We then talked of the garden, how large and pleasant, and the like; and
sat down on the tufted slope of the fine fish-pond, to see the fishes
play upon the surface of the water; and she said, I should angle if I
would.
I wish, said I, you'd be so kind to fetch me a rod and baits. Pretty
mistress! said she--I know better than that, I'll assure you, at this
time.--I mean no harm, said I, indeed. Let me tell you, said she. I
know none who have their thoughts more about them than you. A body ought
to look to it where you are. But we'll angle a little to-morrow. Mr.
Williams, who is much afraid of her, turned the discourse to a general
subject. I sauntered in, and left them to talk by themselves; but he
went away to town, and she was soon after me.
I had got to my pen and ink; and I said, I want some paper, Mrs. Jewkes,
(putting what I was about in my bosom:) You know I have written two
letters, and sent them by John. (O how his name, poor guilty fellow,
grieves me!) Well, said she, you have some left; one sheet did for those
two letters. Yes, said I; but I used half another for a cover, you know;
and see how I have scribbled the other half; and so I shewed her a parcel
of broken scraps of verses, which I had tried to recollect, and had
written purposely that she might see, and think me usually employed to
such idle purposes. Ay, said she, so you have; well, I'll give you two
sheets more; but let me see how you dispose of them, either written or
blank. Well, thought I, I hope still, Argus, to be too hard for thee.
Now Argus, the poets say, had a hundred eyes, and was set to watch with
them all, as she does.
She brought me the paper, and said, Now, madam, let me see you write
something. I will, said I; and took the pen and wrote, 'I wish Mrs.
Jewkes would be so good to me, as I would be to her, if I had it in my
power.'--That's pretty now, said she; well, I hope I am; but what then?
'Why then (wrote I) she would do me the favour to let me know, what I
have done to be made her prisoner; and what she thinks is to become of
me.' Well, and what then? said she. 'Why then, of consequence,
(scribbled I,) she would let me see her instructions, that I may know how
far to blame, or to acquit her.'
Thus I fooled on, to shew her my fondness for scribbling; for I had no
expectation of any good from her; that so she might suppose I employed
myself, as I said, to no better purpose at other times: for she will have
it, that I am upon some plot, I am so silent, and love so much to be by
myself.--She would have made me write on a little further. No, said I;
you have not answered me. Why, said she, what can you doubt, when my
master himself assures you of his honour? Ay, said I; but lay your hand
to your heart, Mrs. Jewkes, and tell me, if you yourself believe him.
Yes, said she, to be sure I do. But, said I, what do you call honour?
Why, said she, what does he call honour, think you?--Ruin! shame!
disgrace! said I, I fear.--Pho! pho! said she; if you have any doubt
about it, he can best explain his own meaning:--I'll send him word to
come and satisfy you, if you will.--Horrid creature! said I, all in a
fright--Can'st thou not stab me to the heart? I'd rather thou would'st,
than say such another word!--But I hope there is no such thought of his
coming.
She had the wickedness to say, No, no; he don't intend to come, as I know
of--But if I was he, I would not be long away. What means the woman?
said I.--Mean! said she, (turning it off;) why I mean, I would come, if I
was he, and put an end to all your fears--by making you as happy as you
wish. It is out of his power, said I, to make me happy, great and rich
as he is! but by leaving me innocent, and giving me liberty to go to my
dear father and mother.
She went away soon after, and I ended my letter, in hopes to have an
opportunity to lay it in the appointed place. So I went to her, and
said; I suppose, as it is not dark, I may take another turn in the
garden. It is too late, said she; but if you will go, don't stay; and,
Nan, see and attend madam, as she called me.
So I went towards the pond, the maid following me, and dropt purposely my
hussy: and when I came near the tiles, I said, Mrs. Anne, I have dropt my
hussy; be so kind as to look for it; I had it by the pond side. She went
back to look, and I slipt the note between the tiles, and covered them as
quick as I could with the light mould, quite unperceived; and the maid
finding the hussy, I took it, and sauntered in again, and met Mrs. Jewkes
coming to see after me. What I wrote was this:
'REVEREND SIR,
'The want of an opportunity to speak my mind to you, I am sure will
excuse this boldness in a poor creature that is betrayed hither, I have
reason to think, for the worst of purposes. You know something, to be
sure, of my story, my native poverty, which I am not ashamed of, my late
lady's goodness, and my master's designs upon me. It is true he promises
honour, and all that; but the honour of the wicked is disgrace and shame
to the virtuous: And he may think he keeps his promises, according to the
notions he may allow himself to hold; and yet, according to nine and
every good body's, basely ruin me.
'I am so wretched, and ill-treated by this Mrs. Jewkes, and she is so
ill-principled a woman, that, as I may soon want the opportunity which
the happy hint of this day affords to my hopes, I throw myself at once
upon your goodness, without the least reserve; for I cannot be worse than
I am, should that fail me; which, I dare say, to your power, it will not:
For I see it, sir, in your looks, I hope it from your cloth, and I doubt
it not from your inclination, in a case circumstanced as my unhappy one
is. For, sir, in helping me out of my present distress, you perform all
the acts of religion in one; and the highest mercy and charity, both to
the body and soul of a poor wretch, that, believe me, sir, has, at
present, not so much as in thought swerved from her innocence.
'Is there not some way to be found out for my escape, without danger to
yourself? Is there no gentleman or lady of virtue in this neighbourhood,
to whom I may fly, only till l can find a way to get to my poor father
and mother? Cannot Lady Davers be made acquainted with my sad story, by
your conveying a letter to her? My poor parents are so low in the world,
they can do nothing but break their hearts for me; and that, I fear, will
be the end of it.
'My master promises, if I will be easy, as he calls it, in my present
lot, he will not come down without my consent. Alas! sir, this is
nothing: For what's the promise of a person who thinks himself at liberty
to act as he has done by me? If he comes, it must be to ruin me; and
come to be sure he will, when he thinks he has silenced the clamours of
my friends, and lulled me, as no doubt he hopes, into a fatal security.
'Now, therefore, sir, is all the time I have to work and struggle for the
preservation of my honesty. If I stay till he comes, I am undone. You
have a key to the back garden door; I have great hopes from that. Study,
good sir, and contrive for me. I will faithfully keep your secret.--Yet
I should be loath to have you suffer for me! I say no more, but commit
this to the happy tiles, in the bosom of that earth, where, I hope, my
deliverance will take root, and bring forth such fruit, as may turn to my
inexpressible joy, and your eternal reward, both here and hereafter: As
shall ever pray, 'Your oppressed humble servant.'
Thursday.
This completes a terrible week since my setting out, as I hoped to see
you, my dear father and mother. O how different were my hopes then, from
what they are now! Yet who knows what these happy tiles may produce!
But I must tell you, first, how I have been beaten by Mrs. Jewkes! It is
very true!--And thus it came about:
My impatience was great to walk in the garden, to see if any thing had
offered, answerable to my hopes. But this wicked Mrs. Jewkes would not
let me go without her; and said, she was not at leisure. We had a great
many words about it; for I told her, it was very hard I could not be
trusted to walk by myself in the garden for a little air, but must be
dogged and watched worse than a thief.
She still pleaded her instructions, and said she was not to trust me out
of her sight: And you had better, said she, be easy and contented, I
assure you; for I have worse orders than you have yet found. I remember,
added she, your asking Mr. Williams, If there were any gentry in the
neighbourhood? This makes me suspect you want to get away to them, to
tell your sad dismal story, as you call it.
My heart was at my mouth; for I feared, by that hint, she had seen my
letter under the tiles: O how uneasy I was! At last she said, Well,
since you take on so, you may take a turn, and I will be with you in a
minute.
When I was out of sight of her window, I speeded towards the hopeful
place; but was soon forced to slacken my pace, by her odious voice: Hey-
day, why so nimble, and whither so fast? said she: What! are you upon a
wager? I stopt for her, till her pursy sides were waddled up to me; and
she held by my arm, half out of breath: So I was forced to pass by the
dear place, without daring to look at it.
The gardener was at work a little farther, and so we looked upon him, and
I began to talk about his art; but she said, softly, My instructions are,
not to let you be so familiar with the servants. Why, said I, are you
afraid I should confederate with them to commit a robbery upon my master?
May be I am, said the odious wretch; for to rob him of yourself, would be
the worst that could happen to him, in his opinion.
And pray, said I, walking on, how came I to be his property? What right
has he in me, but such as a thief may plead to stolen goods?--Why, was
ever the like heard? says she.--This is downright rebellion, I protest!--
Well, well, lambkin, (which the foolish often calls me,) if I was in his
place, he should not have his property in you long questionable. Why,
what would you do, said I, if you were he?--Not stand shill-I-shall-I, as
he does; but put you and himself both out of your pain.--Why, Jezebel,
said I, (I could not help it,) would you ruin me by force?--Upon this she
gave me a deadly slap upon my shoulder: Take that, said she; whom do you
call Jezebel?
I was so surprised, (for you never beat me, my dear father and mother, in
your lives,) that I was like one thunder-struck; and looked round, as if
I wanted somebody to help me; but, alas! I had nobody; and said, at last,
rubbing my shoulder, Is this also in your instructions?--Alas! for me! am
I to be beaten too? And so fell a crying, and threw myself upon the
grass-walk we were upon.--Said she, in a great pet, I won't be called
such names, I'll assure you. Marry come up! I see you have a spirit:
You must and shall be kept under. I'll manage such little provoking
things as you, I warrant ye! Come, come, we'll go in a'doors, and I'll
lock you up, and you shall have no shoes, nor any thing else, if this be
the case.
I did not know what to do. This was a cruel thing to me, and I blamed
myself for my free speech; for now I have given her some pretence: and O!
thought I, here I have, by my malapertness, ruined the only project I had
left.
The gardener saw this scene: but she called to him, Well, Jacob, what do
you stare at? Pray mind what you're upon. And away he walked, to
another quarter, out of sight.
Well, thought I, I must put on the dissembler a little, I see. She took
my hand roughly; Come, get up, said she, and come in a'doors!--I'll
Jezebel you, I will so!--Why, dear Mrs. Jewkes, said I.--None of your
dears, and your coaxing! said she; why not Jezebel again?--She was in a
fearful passion, I saw, and I was out of my wits. thought I, I have often
heard women blamed for their tongues; I wish mine had been shorter. But
I can't go in, said I, indeed I can't!--Why, said she, can't you? I'll
warrant I can take such a thin body as you under my arm, and carry you
in, if you won't walk. You don't know my strength.--Yes, but I do, said
I, too well; and will you not use me worse when I come in?--So I arose,
and she muttered to herself all the way, She to be a Jezebel with me,
that had used me so well! and such like.
When I came near the house, I said, sitting down upon a settle-bench,
Well, I will not go in, till you say you forgive me, Mrs. Jewkes.--If you
will forgive my calling you that name, I will forgive your beating me.--
She sat down by me, and seemed in a great pucker, and said, Well, come, I
will forgive you for this time: and so kissed me, as a mark of
reconciliation.--But pray, said I, tell me where I am to walk and go, and
give me what liberty you can; and when I know the most you can favour me
with, you shall see I will be as content as I can, and not ask you for
more.
Ay, said she, this is something like: I wish I could give you all the
liberty you desire; for you must think it is no pleasure to me to tie you
to my petticoat, as it were, and not let you stir without me.--But people
that will do their duties, must have some trouble: and what I do, is to
serve as good a master, to be sure, as lives.--Yes, said I, to every body
but me! He loves you too well, to be sure, returned she; and that's the
reason: so you ought to bear it. I say, love! replied I. Come, said
she, don't let the wench see you have been crying, nor tell her any
tales: for you won't tell them fairly, I am sure: and I'll send her, and
you shall take another walk in the garden, if you will: May be it will
get you a stomach to your dinner: for you don't eat enough to keep life
and soul together. You are beauty to the bone, added the strange wretch,
or you could not look so well as you do, with so little stomach, so
little rest, and so much pining and whining for nothing at all. Well,
thought I, say what thou wilt, so I can be rid of thy bad tongue and
company: and I hope to find some opportunity now to come at my sunflower.
But I walked the other way, to take that in my return, to avoid
suspicion.
I forced my discourse to the maid; but it was all upon general things;
for I find she is asked after every thing I say and do. When I came near
the place, as I had been devising, I said, Pray step to the gardener, and
ask him to gather a sallad for me to dinner. She called out, Jacob! said
I, He can't hear you so far off; and pray tell him, I should like a
cucumber too, if he has one. When she had stept about a bow-shot from
me, I popt down, and whipt my fingers under the upper tile, and pulled
out a letter without direction, and thrust it in my bosom, trembling for
joy. She was with me, before I could well secure it; and I was in such a
taking that I feared I should discover myself. You seem frightened,
madam, said she; Why, said I, with a lucky thought, (alas! your poor
daughter will make an intriguer by and by; but I hope an innocent one!) I
stooped to smell at the sunflower, and a great nasty worm ran into the
ground, that startled me; for I can't abide worms. Said she, Sunflowers
don't smell. So I find, replied I. And then we walked in; and Mrs.
Jewkes said; Well, you have made haste now.--You shall go another time.
I went up to my closet, locked myself in, and opening my letter, found in
it these words:
'I am infinitely concerned for your distress. I most heartily wish it
may be in my power to serve and save so much innocence, beauty, and
merit. My whole dependance is upon Mr. B----, and I have a near view of
being provided for by his favour to me. But yet I would sooner forfeit
all my hopes in him, (trusting in God for the rest,) than not assist you,
if possible. I never looked upon Mr. B---- in the light he now appears
in to me, in your case. To be sure, he is no professed debauchee. But I
am entirely of opinion, you should, if possible, get out of his hands;
and especially as you are in very bad ones in Mrs. Jewkes's.
'We have here the widow Lady Jones, mistress of a good fortune; and a
woman of virtue, I believe. We have also old Sir Simon Darnford, and his
lady, who is a good woman; and they have two daughters, virtuous young
ladies. All the rest are but middling people, and traders, at best. I
will try, if you please, either Lady Jones, or Lady Darnford, if they'll
permit you to take refuge with them. I see no probability of keeping
myself concealed in this matter; but will, as I said, risk all things to
serve you; for I never saw a sweetness and innocence like yours; and your
hard case has attached me entirely to you; for I know, as you so happily
express, if I can serve you in this case, I shall thereby perform all the
acts of religion in one.
'As to Lady Davers, I will convey a letter, if you please, to her; but it
must not be from our post-house, I give you caution; for the man owes all
his bread to Mr. B----, and his place too; and I believe, by something
that dropt from him, over a can of ale, has his instructions. You don't
know how you are surrounded; all which confirms me in your opinion, that
no honour is meant you, let what will be professed; and I am glad you
want no caution on that head.
'Give me leave to say, that I had heard much in your praise; but, I
think, greatly short of what you deserve, both as to person and mind: My
eyes convince me of the one, your letter of the other. For fear of
losing the present lucky opportunity, I am longer than otherwise I should
be. But I will not enlarge, any further than to assure you that I am, to
the best of my power,
'Your faithful friend and servant,
'ARTHUR WILLIAMS.'
'I will come once every morning, and once every evening, after school-
time, to look for your letters. I'll come in, and return without going
into the house, if I see the coast clear: Otherwise, to avoid suspicion,
I'll come in.'
I instantly, in answer to this pleasing letter, wrote as follows:
'REVEREND SIR,
'O how suited to your function, and your character, is your kind letter!
God bless you for it! I now think I am beginning to be happy. I should
be sorry to have you suffer on my account: but I hope it will be made up
to you an hundred-fold, by that God whom you so faithfully serve. I
should be too happy, could I ever have it in my power to contribute in
the least to it. But, alas! to serve me, must be for God's sake only;
for I am poor and lowly in fortune; though in mind, I hope, too high to
do a mean or unworthy deed to gain a kingdom. But I lose time.----
'Any way you think best, I should be pleased with; for I know not the
persons, nor in what manner it is best to apply to them. I am glad of
the hint you so kindly give me of the man at the post-house. I was
thinking of opening a way for myself by letter, when I could have
opportunity; but I see more and more that I am, indeed, strangely
surrounded with dangers; and that there is no dependance to be made on my
master's honour.
'I should think, sir, if either of those ladies would give leave, I might
some way get out by favour of your key: and as it is impossible, watched
as I am, to know when it can be, suppose, sir, you get one made by it,
and put it, the next opportunity, under the sunflower?--I am sure no time
is to be lost, because it is rather my wonder, that she is not thoughtful
about this key, than otherwise; for she forgets not the minutest thing.
But, sir, if I had this key, I could, if these ladies would not shelter
me, run away any where: and if I was once out of the house, they could
have no pretence to force me again; for I have done no harm, and hope to
make my story good to any compassionate body; and by this way you need
not to be known. Torture should not wring it from me, I assure you.
'One thing more, good sir. Have you no correspondence with my master's
Bedfordshire family? By that means, may be, I could be informed of his
intention of coming hither, and when I enclose you a letter of a
deceitful wretch; for I can trust you with any thing; poor John Arnold.
Its contents will tell why I enclose it. Perhaps by his means, something
may be discovered; for he seems willing to atone for his treachery to me,
by the intimation of future service. I leave the hint to you to improve
upon, and am,
'Reverend Sir,
'Your for ever obliged, and thankful servant.'
'I hope, sir, by your favour, I could send a little packet, now and then,
some how, to my poor father and mother. I have a little stock of money,
about five or six guineas: Shall I put half in your hands, to defray the
charge of a man and horse, or any other incidents?'
I had but just time to transcribe this, before I was called to dinner;
and I put that for Mr. Williams, with a wafer in it, in my bosom, to get
an opportunity to lay it in the dear place.
O good sirs, of all the flowers in the garden, the sunflower, sure, is
the loveliest!--It is a propitious one to me! How nobly my plot
succeeds! But I begin to be afraid my writings may be discovered; for
they grow large: I stitch them hitherto in my under-coat, next my linen.
But if this brute should search me--I must try to please her, and then
she won't.
Well, I am but just come off from a walk in the garden, and have
deposited my letter by a simple wile. I got some horse-beans; and we
took a turn in the garden, to angle, as Mrs. Jewkes had promised me. She
baited the hook, and I held it, and soon hooked a lovely carp. Play it,
play it, said she: I did, and brought it to the bank. A sad thought just
then came into my head; and I took it, and threw it in again; and O the
pleasure it seemed to have, to flounce in, when at liberty!--Why this?
says she. O Mrs. Jewkes! said I, I was thinking this poor carp was the
unhappy Pamela. I was likening you and myself to my naughty master. As
we hooked and deceived the poor carp, so was I betrayed by false baits;
and when you said, Play it, play it, it went to my heart, to think I
should sport with the destruction of the poor fish I had betrayed; and I
could not but fling it in again: and did you not see the joy with which
the happy carp flounced from us? O! said I, may some good merciful body
procure me my liberty in the same manner; for to be sure, I think my
danger equal!
Lord bless thee! said she, what a thought is there!--Well, I can angle no
more, added I. I'll try my fortune, said she, and took the rod. Do,
answered I; and I will plant life, if I can, while you are destroying it.
I have some horse-beans here, and will go and stick them in one of the
borders, to see how long they will be coming up; and I will call them my
garden.
So you see, dear father and mother, (I hope now you will soon see; for,
may be, if I can't get away so soon myself, I may send my papers some
how; I say you will see,) that this furnishes me with a good excuse to
look after my garden another time; and if the mould should look a little
freshish, it won't be so much suspected. She mistrusted nothing of this;
and I went and stuck in here and there my beans, for about the length of
five ells, of each side of the sunflower; and easily deposited my letter.
And not a little proud am I of this contrivance. Sure something will do
at last!
Friday, Saturday.
I have just now told you a trick of mine; now I'll tell you a trick of
this wicked woman's. She comes up to me: Says she, I have a bill I
cannot change till to-morrow; and a tradesman wants his money most sadly:
and I don't love to turn poor trades-folks away without their money: Have
you any about you? I have a little, replied I: How much will do? Oh!
said she, I want eight pounds. Alack! said I, I have but between five
and six. Lend me that, said she, till to-morrow. I did so; and she went
down stairs: and when she came up, she laughed, and said, Well, I have
paid the tradesman. Said I, I hope you'll give it me again to-morrow.
At that, the assurance, laughing loud, said, Why, what occasion have you
for money? To tell you the truth, lambkin, I didn't want it. I only
feared you might make a bad use of it; and now I can trust Nan with you a
little oftener, especially as I have got the key of your portmanteau; so
that you can neither corrupt her with money, nor fine things. Never did
any body look more silly than I.--O how I fretted, to be so foolishly
outwitted!--And the more, as I had hinted to Mr. Williams, that I would
put some in his hands to defray the charges of my sending to you. I
cried for vexation.--And now I have not five shillings left to support
me, if I can get away.--Was ever such a fool as I! I must be priding
myself in my contrivances, indeed! said I. Was this your instructions,
wolfkin? (for she called me lambkin). Jezebel, you mean, child! said
she.--Well, I now forgive you heartily; let's buss and be friends.--Out
upon you said I; I cannot bear you!--But I durst not call her names
again; for I dread her huge paw most sadly. The more I think of this
thing, the more do I regret it, and blame myself.
This night the man from the post-house brought a letter for Mrs. Jewkes,
in which was one enclosed for me: She brought it me up. Said she, Well,
my good master don't forget us. He has sent you a letter: and see what
he writes to me. So she read, That he hoped her fair charge was well,
happy, and contented. Ay, to be sure, said I, I can't choose--That he
did not doubt her care and kindness to me: that I was very dear to him,
and she could not use me too well; and the like. There's a master for
you! said she: sure you will love and pray for him. I desired her to
read the rest. No, no, said she, but I won't. Said I, Are there any
orders for taking my shoes away, and for beating me? No, said she, nor
about Jezebel neither. Well, returned I, I cry truce; for I have no mind
to be beat again. I thought, said she, we had forgiven one another.
My letter is as follows:
'MY DEAR PAMELA,
'I begin to repent already, that I have bound myself, by promise, not to
see you till you give me leave; for I think the time very tedious. Can
you place so much confidence in me, as to invite me down? Assure
yourself, that your generosity shall not be thrown away upon me. I the
rather would press this, as I am uneasy for your uneasiness; for Mrs.
Jewkes acquaints me, that you take your restraint very heavily; and
neither eat, drink, nor rest well; and I have too great interest in your
health, not to wish to shorten the time of this trial; which will be the
consequence of my coming down to you. John, too, has intimated to me
your concern, with a grief that hardly gave him leave for utterance; a
grief that a little alarmed my tenderness for you. Not that I fear any
thing, but that your disregard to me, which yet my proud heart will
hardly permit me to own, may throw you upon some rashness, that might
encourage a daring hope: But how poorly do I descend, to be anxious about
such a menial as he!--I will only say one thing, that if you will give me
leave to attend you at the Hall, (consider who it is that requests this
from you as a favour,) I solemnly declare, that you shall have cause to
be pleased with this obliging mark of your confidence in me, and
consideration for me; and if I find Mrs. Jewkes has not behaved to you
with the respect due to one I so dearly love, I will put it entirely into
your power to discharge her the house, if you think proper; and Mrs.
Jervis, or who else you please, shall attend you in her place. This I
say on a hint John gave me, as if you resented something from that
quarter. Dearest Pamela, answer favourably this earnest request of one
that cannot live without you, and on whose honour to you, you may
absolutely depend; and so much the more, as you place a confidence in it.
I am, and assuredly ever will be,
'Your faithful and affectionate, etc.'
'You will be glad, I know, to hear your father and mother are well, and
easy upon your last letter. That gave me a pleasure that I am resolved
you shall not repent. Mrs. Jewkes will convey to me your answer.'
I but slightly read this letter for the present, to give way to one I had
hopes of finding by this time from Mr. Williams. I took an evening turn,
as I called it, in Mrs. Jewkes's company: and walking by the place, I
said, Do you think, Mrs. Jewkes, any of my beans can have struck since
yesterday? She laughed, and said, You are a poor gardener: but I love to
see you divert yourself. She passing on, I found my good friend had
provided for me; and, slipping it in my bosom, (for her back was towards
me,) Here, said I, (having a bean in my hand,) is one of them; but it has
not stirred. No, to be sure, said she, and turned upon me a most wicked
jest, unbecoming the mouth of a woman, about planting, etc. When I came
in, I hied to my closet, and read as follows:
'I am sorry to tell you that I have had a repulse from Lady Jones. She
is concerned at your case, she says, but don't care to make herself
enemies. I applied to Lady Darnford, and told her in the most pathetic
manner I could, your sad story, and shewed her your more pathetic letter.
I found her well disposed, but she would advise with Sir Simon, who by
the by is not a man of an extraordinary character for virtue; but he said
to his lady in my presence, 'Why, what is all this, my dear, but that our
neighbour has a mind to his mother's waiting-maid! And if he takes care
she wants for nothing, I don't see any great injury will be done her. He
hurts no family by this:' (So, my dear father and mother, it seems that
poor people's honesty is to go for nothing) 'And I think, Mr. Williams,
you, of all men, should not engage in this affair, against your friend
and patron.' He spoke this in so determined a manner, that the lady had
done; and I had only to beg no notice should be taken of the matter as
from me.
'I have hinted your case to Mr. Peters, the minister of this parish; but
I am concerned to say, that he imputed selfish views to me, as if I would
make an interest in your affections by my zeal. And when I represented
the duties of our function, and the like, and protested my
disinterestedness, he coldly said, I was very good; but was a young man,
and knew little of the world. And though it was a thing to be lamented,
yet when he and I should set about to reform mankind in this respect, we
should have enough upon our hands; for, he said, it was too common and
fashionable a case to be withstood by a private clergyman or two: and
then he uttered some reflections upon the conduct of the present fathers
of the church, in regard to the first personages of the realm, as a
justification of his coldness on this score.
'I represented the different circumstances of your affair; that other
women lived evilly by their own consent, but to serve you, was to save an
innocence that had but few examples; and then I shewed him your letter.
'He said it was prettily written: and he was sorry for you; and that your
good intentions ought to be encouraged: But what, said he, would you have
me do, Mr. Williams? Why suppose, sir, said I, you give her shelter in
your house, with your spouse and niece, till she can get to her friends.
--What! and embroil myself with a man of Mr. B----'s power and fortune!
No, not I, I'll assure you!--And I would have you consider what you are
about. Besides, she owns, continued he, that he promises to do
honourably by her; and her shyness will procure her good terns enough;
for he is no covetous nor wicked gentleman, except in this case; and 'tis
what all young gentlemen will do.
'I am greatly concerned for him, I assure you: but I am not discouraged
by this ill success, let what will come of it, if I can serve you.
'I don't hear, as yet, that Mr. B---- is coming. I am glad of your hint
as to that unhappy fellow John Arnold. Something, perhaps, will strike
out from that, which may be useful. As to your packets, if you seal them
up, and lay them in the usual place, if you find it not suspected, I will
watch an opportunity to convey them; but if they are large, you had best
be very cautious. This evil woman, I find, mistrusts me much.
'I just hear, that the gentleman is dying, whose living Mr. B---- has
promised me. I have almost a scruple to take it, as I am acting so
contrary to his desires: but I hope he will one day thank me for it. As
to money, don't think of it at present. Be assured you may command all
in my power to do for you without reserve.
'I believe, when we hear he is coming, it will be best to make use of the
key, which I shall soon procure you; and I can borrow a horse for you, I
believe, to wait within half a mile of the back-door, over the pasture;
and will contrive, by myself, or somebody, to have you conducted some
miles distant, to one of the villages thereabouts; so don't be
discomforted, I beseech you. I am, excellent Mrs. Pamela,
'Your faithful friend, etc.'
I made a thousand sad reflections upon the former part of this honest
gentleman's kind letter; and but for the hope he gave me at last, should
have given up my case as quite desperate. I then wrote to thank him most
gratefully for his kind endeavours; to lament the little concern the
gentry had for my deplorable case; the wickedness of the world, first to
give way to such iniquitous fashions, and then plead the frequency of
them, against the attempt to amend them; and how unaffected people were
with the distresses of others. I recalled my former hint as to writing
to Lady Davers, which I feared, I said, would only serve to apprise her
brother, that she knew his wicked scheme, and more harden him in it, and
make him come down the sooner, and to be the more determined on my ruin;
besides that it might make Mr. Williams guessed at, as a means of
conveying my letter: And being very fearful, that if that good lady would
interest herself in my behalf, (which was a doubt, because she both loved
and feared her brother,) it would have no effect upon him; and that
therefore I would wait the happy event I might hope for from his kind
assistance in the key, and the horse. I intimated my master's letter,
begging to be permitted to come down: was fearful it might be sudden; and
that I was of opinion no time was to be lost; for we might let slip all
our opportunities; telling him the money trick of this vile woman, etc.
I had not time to take a copy of this letter, I was so watched. And when
I had it ready in my bosom, I was easy. And so I went to seek out Mrs.
Jewkes, and told her, I would have her advice upon the letter I had
received from my master; which point of confidence in her pleased her not
a little. Ay, said she, now this is something like: and we'll take a
turn in the garden, or where you please. I pretended it was indifferent
to me; and so we walked into the garden. I began to talk to her of the
letter; but was far from acquainting her with all the contents; only that
he wanted my consent to come down, and hoped she used me kindly, and the
like. And I said, Now, Mrs. Jewkes, let me have your advice as to this.
Why then, said she, I will give it you freely; E'en send to him to come
down. It will highly oblige him, and I dare say you'll fare the better
for it. How the better? said I.--I dare say, you think yourself, that he
intends my ruin. I hate, said she, that foolish word, your ruin!--Why,
ne'er a lady in the land may live happier than you if you will, or be
more honourably used.
Well, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, I shall not, at this time, dispute with you
about the words ruin and honourable: for I find we have quite different
notions of both: But now I will speak plainer than ever I did. Do you
think he intends to make proposals to me as to a kept mistress, or kept
slave rather, or do you not?--Why, lambkin, said she, what dost thou
think thyself?--I fear, said I, he does. Well, said she, but if he does,
(for I know nothing of the matter, I assure you,) you may have your own
terms--I see that; for you may do any thing with him.
I could not bear this to be spoken, though it was all I feared of a long
time; and began to exclaim most sadly. Nay, said she, he may marry you,
as far as I know.--No, no, said I, that cannot be.--I neither desire nor
expect it. His condition don't permit me to have such a thought; and
that, and the whole series of his conduct, convinces me of the contrary;
and you would have me invite him to come down, would you? Is not this to
invite my ruin?
'Tis what I would do, said she, in your place; and if it was to be as you
think, I should rather be out of my pain, than live in continual frights
and apprehensions, as you do. No, replied I, an hour of innocence is
worth an age of guilt; and were my life to be made ever so miserable by
it, I should never forgive myself, if I were not to lengthen out to the
longest minute my happy time of honesty. Who knows what Providence may
do for me!
Why, may be, said she, as he loves you so well, you may prevail upon him
by your prayers and tears; and for that reason, I should think, you'd
better let him come down. Well, said I, I will write him a letter,
because he expects an answer, or may be he will make a pretence to come
down. How can it go?
I'll take care of that, said she; it is in my instructions.--Ay, thought
I, so I doubt, by the hint Mr. Williams gave me about the post-house.
The gardener coming by, I said, Mr. Jacob, I have planted a few beans,
and I call the place my garden. It is just by the door out yonder: I'll
shew it you; pray don't dig them up. So I went on with him; and when we
had turned the alley, out of her sight and were near the place said I,
Pray step to Mrs. Jewkes, and ask her if she has any more beans for me to
plant? He smiled, I suppose at my foolishness; and I popped the letter
under the mould, and stepped back, as if waiting for his return; which,
being near, was immediate; and she followed him. What should I do with
beans? said she,--and sadly scared me; for she whispered me, I am afraid
of some fetch! You don't use to send on such simple errands.--What
fetch? said I: It is hard I can neither stir, nor speak, but I must be
suspected.--Why, said she, my master writes, that I must have all my eyes
about me; for though you are as innocent as a dove, yet you are as
cunning as a serpent. But I'll forgive you, if you cheat me.
Then I thought of my money, and could have called her names, had I dared:
And I said, Pray Mrs. Jewkes, now you talk of forgiving me, if I cheat
you, be so kind as to pay me my money; for though I have no occasion for
it, yet I know you was but in jest, and intended to give it me again.
You shall have it in a proper time, said she; but, indeed, I was in
earnest to get it out of your hands, for fear you should make an ill use
of it. And so we cavilled upon this subject as we walked in, and I went
up to write my letter to my master; and, as I intended to shew it her, I
resolved to write accordingly as to her part of it; for I made little
account of his offer of Mrs. Jervis to me, instead of this wicked woman,
(though the most agreeable thing that could have befallen me, except my
escape from hence,) nor indeed any thing he said. For to be honourable,
in the just sense of the word, he need not have caused me to be run away
with, and confined as I am. I wrote as follows:
'HONOURED SIR,
'When I consider how easily you might make me happy, since all I desire
is to be permitted to go to my poor father and mother; when I reflect
upon your former proposal to me in relation to a certain person, not one
word of which is now mentioned; and upon my being in that strange manner
run away with, and still kept here a miserable prisoner; do you think,
sir, (pardon your poor servant's freedom; my fears make me bold; do you
think, I say,) that your general assurances of honour to me, can have the
effect upon me, that, were it not for these things, all your words ought
to have?--O, good sir! I too much apprehend that your notions of honour
and mine are very different from one another: and I have no other hopes
but in your continued absence. If you have any proposals to make me,
that are consistent with your honourable professions, in my humble sense
of the word, a few lines will communicate them to me, and I will return
such an answer as befits me. But, oh! What proposals can one in your
high station have to make to one in my low one! I know what belongs to
your degree too well, to imagine, that any thing can be expected but sad
temptations, and utter distress, if you come down; and you know not, sir,
when I am made desperate, what the wretched Pamela dares to do!
'Whatever rashness you may impute to me, I cannot help it; but I wish I
may not be forced upon any, that otherwise would never enter into my
thoughts. Forgive me, sir, my plainness; I should be loath to behave to
my master unbecomingly; but I must needs say, sir, my innocence is so
dear to me, that all other considerations are, and, I hope, shall ever
be, treated by me as niceties, that ought, for that, to be dispensed
with. If you mean honourably, why, sir, should you not let me know it
plainly? Why is it necessary to imprison me, to convince me of it? And
why must I be close watched, and attended, hindered from stirring out,
from speaking to any body, from going so much as to church to pray for
you, who have been, till of late, so generous a benefactor to me? Why,
sir, I humbly ask, why all this, if you mean honourably?--It is not for
me to expostulate so freely, but in a case so near to me, with you, sir,
so greatly my superior. Pardon me, I hope you will; but as to seeing
you, I cannot bear the dreadful apprehension. Whatever you have to
propose, whatever you intend by me, let my assent be that of a free
person, mean as I am, and not of a sordid slave, who is to be threatened
and frightened into a compliance with measures, which your conduct to her
seems to imply would be otherwise abhorred by her.--My restraint is
indeed hard upon me: I am very uneasy under it. Shorten it, I beseech
you, or--but I will not dare to say more, than that I am
'Your greatly oppressed unhappy servant.'
After I had taken a copy of this, I folded it up; and Mrs. Jewkes, coming
just as I had done, sat down by me; and said, when she saw me direct it,
I wish you would tell me if you have taken my advice, and consented to my
master's coming down. If it will oblige you, said I, I will read it to
you. That's good, said she; then I'll love you dearly.--Said I, Then you
must not offer to alter one word. I won't, replied she. So I read it to
her, and she praised me much for my wording it; but said she thought I
pushed the matter very close; and it would better bear talking of, than
writing about. She wanted an explanation or two, as about the proposal
to a certain person; but I said, she must take it as she heard it. Well,
well, said she, I make no doubt you understand one another, and will do
so more and more. I sealed up the letter, and she undertook to convey
it.
Sunday.
For my part, I knew it in vain to expect to have leave to go to church
now, and so I did not ask; and I was the more indifferent, because, if I
might have had permission, the sight of the neighbouring gentry, who had
despised my sufferings, would have given me great regret and sorrow; and
it was impossible I should have edified under any doctrine preached by
Mr. Peters: So I applied myself to my private devotions.
Mr. Williams came yesterday, and this day, as usual, and took my letter;
but, having no good opportunity, we avoided one another's conversation,
and kept at a distance: But I was concerned I had not the key; for I
would not have lost a moment in that case, had I been he, and he I. When
I was at my devotion, Mrs. Jewkes came up, and wanted me sadly to sing
her a psalm, as she had often on common days importuned me for a song
upon the spinnet: but I declined it, because my spirits were so low I
could hardly speak, nor cared to be spoken to; but when she was gone, I
remembering the cxxxviith psalm to be a little touching, turned to it,
and took the liberty to alter it, somewhat nearer to my case. I hope I
did not sin in it; but thus I turned it:
I.
When sad I sat in B----n Hall,
All guarded round about,
And thought of ev'ry absent friend,
The tears for grief burst out.
II.
My joys and hopes all overthrown,
My heart-strings almost broke,
Unfit my mind for melody,
Much more to bear a joke.
III.
Then she to whom I pris'ner was,
Said to me, tauntingly,
Now cheer your heart, and sing a song
And tune your mind to joy.
IV.
Alas! said I, how can I frame
My heavy heart to sing,
Or tune my mind, while thus enthrall'd
By such a wicked thing!
V.
But yet, if from my innocence
I, ev'n in thought, should slide,
Then let my fingers quite forget
The sweet spinnet to guide.
VI.
And let my tongue within my mouth
Be lock'd for ever fast,
If I rejoice, before I see
My full deliv'rance past.
VII.
And thou, Almighty, recompense
The evils I endure,
From those who seek my sad disgrace,
So causeless, to procure.
VIII.
Remember, Lord, this Mrs. Jewkes,
When, with a mighty sound,
She cries, Down with her chastity,
Down to the very ground!
IX.
Ev'n so shalt thou, O wicked one!
At length to shame be brought,
And happy shall all those be call'd
That my deliv'rance wrought.
X.
Yea, blessed shall the man be called
That shames thee of thy evil,
And saves me from thy vile attempts,
And thee, too, from the D---l.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
I write now with a little more liking, though less opportunity, because
Mr. Williams has got a large parcel of my papers, safe in his hands, to
send them to you, as he has opportunity; so I am not quite uselessly
employed: and I am delivered besides, from the fear of their being found,
if I should be searched, or discovered. I have been permitted to take an
airing, five or six miles, with Mrs. Jewkes: But, though I know not the
reason, she watches me more closely than ever; so that we have
discontinued, by consent, for these three days, the sunflower
correspondence.
The poor cook-maid has had a bad mischance; for she has been hurt much by
a bull in the pasture, by the side of the garden, not far from the back-
door. Now this pasture I am to cross, which is about half a mile, and
then is a common, and near that a private horse-road, where I hope to
find an opportunity for escaping, as soon as Mr. Williams can get me a
horse, and has made all ready for me: for he has got me the key, which he
put under the mould, just by the door, as he found an opportunity to hint
to me.
He just now has signified, that the gentleman is dead, whose living he
has had hope of; and he came pretendedly to tell Mrs. Jewkes of it; and
so could speak this to her before me. She wished him joy. See what the
world is! One man's death is another man's joy. Thus we thrust out one
another!--My hard case makes me serious. He found means to slide a
letter into my hands, and is gone away: He looked at me with such respect
and solemness at parting, that Mrs. Jewkes said, Why, madam, I believe
our young parson is half in love with you.--Ah! Mrs. Jewkes, said I, he
knows better. Said she, (I believe to sound me,) Why, I can't see you
can either of you do better; and I have lately been so touched for you,
seeing how heavily you apprehend dishonour from my master, that I think
it is pity you should not have Mr. Williams.
I knew this must be a fetch of hers; because, instead of being troubled
for me, as she pretended, she watched me closer, and him too: and so I
said, There is not the man living that I desire to marry. If I can but
keep myself honest, it is all my desire: And to be a comfort and
assistance to my poor parents, if it should be my happy lot to be so, is
the very top of my ambition. Well, but, said she, I have been thinking
very seriously, that Mr. Williams would make you a good husband; and as
he will owe all his fortune to my master, he will be very glad, to be
sure, to be obliged to him for a wife of his choosing: especially, said
she, such a pretty one, and one so ingenious, and genteelly educated.
This gave me a doubt, whether she knew of my master's intimation of that
sort formerly; and I asked her, if she had reason to surmise that that
was in view? No, she said; it was only her own thought; but it was very
likely that my master had either that in view, or something better for
me. But, if I approved of it, she would propose such a thing to her
master directly; and gave a detestable hint, that I might take
resolutions upon it, of bringing such an affair to effect. I told her I
abhorred her vile insinuation; and as to Mr. Williams, I thought him a
civil good sort of man; but, as on one side, he was above me; so, on the
other, I said of all things I did not love a parson. So, finding she
could make nothing of me, she quitted the subject. I will open his
letter by and by, and give you the contents of it; for she is up and down
so much, that I am afraid of her surprising me.
Well, I see Providence has not abandoned me: I shall be under no
necessity to make advances to Mr. Williams, if I was (as I am sure I am
not) disposed to it. This is his letter:
'I know not how to express myself, lest I should appear to you to have a
selfish view in the service I would do you. But I really know but one
effectual and honourable way to disengage yourself from the dangerous
situation you are in. It is that of marriage with some person that you
could make happy in your approbation. As for my own part, it would be,
as things stand, my apparent ruin; and, worse still, I should involve you
in misery too. But, yet, so great is my veneration for you, and so
entire my reliance on Providence, upon so just an occasion, that I should
think myself but too happy, if I might be accepted. I would, in this
case, forego all my expectations, and be your conductor to some safe
distance. But why do I say, in this case? That I will do, whether you
think fit to reward me so eminently or not: And I will, the moment I hear
of Mr. B----'s setting out, (and I think now I have settled a very good
method of intelligence of all his motions,) get a horse ready, and myself
to conduct you. I refer myself wholly to your goodness and direction;
and am, with the highest respect,
'Your most faithful humble servant.'
'Don't think this a sudden resolution. I always admired your hear-say
character; and the moment I saw you, wished to serve so much excellence.'
What shall I say, my dear father and mother, to this unexpected
declaration? I want, now, more than ever, your blessing and direction.
But, after all, I have no mind to marry; I had rather live with you. But
yet, I would marry a man who begs from door to door, and has no home nor
being, rather than endanger my honesty. Yet I cannot, methinks, hear of
being a wife.--After a thousand different thoughts, I wrote as follows:
'REVEREND SIR,
'I am greatly confused at the contents of your last. You are much too
generous, and I can't bear you should risk all your future prospects for
so unworthy a creature. I cannot think of your offer without equal
concern and gratitude: for nothing, but to avoid my utter ruin, can make
me think of a change of condition; and so, sir, you ought not to accept
of such an involuntary compliance, as mine would be, were I, upon the
last necessity, to yield to your very generous proposal. I will rely
wholly upon your goodness to me, in assisting my escape; but shall not,
on your account principally, think of the honour you propose for me at
present; and never, but at the pleasure of my parents; who, poor as they
are, in such a weighty point, are as much entitled to my obedience and
duty, as if they were ever so rich. I beg you, therefore, sir, not to
think of any thing from me, but everlasting gratitude, which shall always
bind me to be 'Your most obliged servant.'
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, the 14th, 15th, and 16th, of my bondage.
Mrs. Jewkes has received a letter, and is much civiller to me, and Mr.
Williams too, than she used to be. I wonder I have not one in answer to
mine to my master. I suppose I put the matter too home to him: and he is
angry. I am not the more pleased with her civility; for she is horrid
cunning, and is not a whit less watchful. I laid a trap to get at her
instructions, which she carries in the bosom of her stays; but it has not
succeeded.
My last letter is come safe to Mr. Williams by the old conveyance, so
that he is not suspected. He has intimated, that though I have not come
so readily as he hoped into his scheme, yet his diligence shall not be
slackened, and he will leave it to Providence and himself to dispose of
him as he shall be found to deserve. He has signified to me, that he
shall soon send a special messenger with the packet to you, and I have
added to it what has occurred since.
Sunday.
I am just now quite astonished!--I hope all is right!--but I have a
strange turn to acquaint you with. Mr. Williams and Mrs. Jewkes came to
me both together; he in ecstacies, she with a strange fluttering sort of
air. Well, said she, Mrs. Pamela, I give you joy! I give you joy!--Let
nobody speak but me! Then she sat down, as out of breath, puffing and
blowing. Why, every thing turns as I said it would! said she: Why, there
is to be a match between you and Mr. Williams! Well, I always thought
it. Never was so good a master!--Go to, go to, naughty, mistrustful Mrs.
Pamela; nay, Mrs. Williams, said the forward creature, I may as good call
you: you ought on your knees to beg his pardon a thousand times for
mistrusting him.
She was going on; but I said, Don't torture me thus, I beseech you, Mrs.
Jewkes. Let me know all!--Ah! Mr. Williams, said I, take care, take
care!--Mistrustful again! said she: Why, Mr. Williams, shew her your
letter, and I will shew her mine: they were brought by the same hand.
I trembled at the thoughts of what this might mean; and said, You have so
surprised me, that I cannot stand, nor hear, nor read! Why did you come
up in such a manner to attack such weak spirits? said he, to Mrs. Jewkes,
Shall we leave our letters with Mrs. Pamela, and let her recover from her
surprise? Ay, said she, with all my heart; here is nothing but flaming
honour and good will! And so saying, they left me their letters and
withdrew.
My heart was quite sick with the surprise, so that I could not presently
read them, notwithstanding my impatience; but, after a while, recovering,
I found the contents thus strange and unexpected:
'MR. WILLIAMS,
'The death of Mr. Fownes has now given me the opportunity I have long
wanted, to make you happy, and that in a double respect: For I shall soon
put you in possession of his living; and, if you have the art of making
yourself well received, of one of the loveliest wives in England. She
has not been used (as she has reason to think) according to her merit;
but when she finds herself under the protection of a man of virtue and
probity, and a happy competency to support life in the manner to which
she has been of late years accustomed, I am persuaded she will forgive
those seeming hardships which have paved the way to so happy a lot, as I
hope it will be to you both. I have only to account for and excuse the
odd conduct I have been guilty of, which I shall do when I see you: but
as I shall soon set out for London, I believe it will not be yet this
month. Mean time, if you can prevail with Pamela, you need not suspend
for that your mutual happiness; only let me have notice of it first, and
that she approves of it; which ought to be, in so material a point,
entirely at her option; as I assure you, on the other hand, I would have
it at yours, that nothing may be wanting to complete your happiness.
'I am your humble servant.'
Was ever the like heard?--Lie still, my throbbing heart, divided as thou
art, between thy hopes and thy fears!--But this is the letter Mrs. Jewkes
left with me:
'MRS. JEWKES,
'You have been very careful and diligent in the task, which, for reasons
I shall hereafter explain, I had imposed upon you. Your trouble is now
almost at an end; for I have written my intentions to Mr. Williams so
particularly, that I need say the less here, because he will not scruple,
I believe, to let you know the contents of my letter. I have only one
thing to mention, that if you find what I have hinted to him in the least
measure disagreeable to either, you assure them both, that they are at
entire liberty to pursue their own inclinations. I hope you continue
your civilities to the mistrustful, uneasy Pamela, who now will begin to
think better of hers and 'Your friend, etc.'
I had hardly time to transcribe these letters, though, writing so much, I
write pretty fast, before they both came up again in high spirits; and
Mr. Williams said, I am glad at my heart, madam, that I was beforehand in
my declarations to you: this generous letter has made me the happiest man
on earth; and, Mrs. Jewkes, you may be sure, that if I can procure this
fair one's consent, I shall think myself--I interrupted the good man, and
said, Ah! Mr. Williams, take care, take care; don't let--There I stopt;
and Mrs. Jewkes said, Still mistrustful!--I never saw the like in my
life!--But I see, said she, I was not wrong, while my old orders lasted,
to be wary of you both--I should have had a hard task to prevent you, I
find; for, as the saying is, Nought can restrain consent of twain.
I doubted not her taking hold of his joyful indiscretion.--I took her
letter, and said, Here, Mrs. Jewkes, is yours; I thank you for it; but I
have been so long in a maze, that I can say nothing of this for the
present. Time will bring all to light.--Sir, said I, here is yours: May
every thing turn to your happiness! I give you joy of my master's
goodness in the living.--It will be dying, said he, not a living, without
you.--Forbear, sir, said I; while I have a father and mother, I am not my
own mistress, poor as they are; and I'll see myself quite at liberty,
before I shall think myself fit to make a choice.
Mrs. Jewkes held up her eyes and hands, and said, Such art, such caution,
such cunning, for thy years!--Well!--Why, said I, (that he might be more
on his guard, though I hope there cannot be deceit in this; 'twould be
strange villany, and that is a hard word, if there should!) I have been
so used to be made a fool of by fortune, that I hardly can tell how to
govern myself; and am almost an infidel as to mankind. But I hope I may
be wrong; henceforth, Mrs. Jewkes, you shall regulate my opinions as you
please, and I will consult you in every thing--(that I think proper, said
I to myself)--for, to be sure, though I may forgive her, I can never love
her.
She left Mr. Williams and me, a few minutes, together; and I said,
Consider, sir, consider what you have done. 'Tis impossible, said he,
there can be deceit. I hope so, said I; but what necessity was there for
you to talk of your former declaration? Let this be as it will, that
could do no good, especially before this woman. Forgive me, sir; they
talk of women's promptness of speech; but, indeed, I see an honest heart
is not always to be trusted with itself in bad company.
He was going to reply, but though her task is said to be ALMOST (I took
notice of that word) at an end, she came up to us again, and said; Well,
I had a good mind to show you the way to church to-morrow. I was glad of
this, because, though in my present doubtful situation I should not have
chosen it, yet I would have encouraged her proposal, to be able to judge
by her being in earnest or otherwise, whether one might depend upon the
rest. But Mr. Williams again indiscreetly helped her to an excuse, by
saying, that it was now best to defer it one Sunday, and till matters
were riper for my appearance: and she readily took hold of it, and
confirmed his opinion.
After all, I hope the best: but if this should turn out to be a plot, I
fear nothing but a miracle can save me. But, sure the heart of man is
not capable of such black deceit. Besides, Mr. Williams has it under his
own hand, and he dare not but be in earnest: and then again, though to be
sure he has been very wrong to me, yet his education, and parents'
example, have neither of them taught him such very black contrivances.
So I will hope for the best.
Mr. Williams, Mrs. Jewkes, and I, have been all three walking together in
the garden; and she pulled out her key, and we walked a little in the
pasture to look at the bull, an ugly, grim, surly creature, that hurt the
poor cook-maid; who is got pretty well again. Mr. Williams pointed at
the sunflower, but I was forced to be very reserved to him; for the poor
gentleman has no guard, no caution at all.
We have just supped together, all three: and I cannot yet think that all
must be right.--Only I am resolved not to marry, if I can help it; and I
will give no encouragement, I am resolved, at least, till I am with you.
Mr. Williams said, before Mrs. Jewkes, he would send a messenger with a
letter to my father and mother.--I think the man has no discretion in the
world: but l desire you will send no answer, till I have the pleasure and
happiness which now I hope for soon, of seeing you. He will, in sending
my packet, send a most tedious parcel of stuff, of my oppressions, my
distresses, my fears; and so I will send this with it; (for Mrs. Jewkes
gives me leave to send a letter to my father, which looks well;) and I am
glad I can conclude, after all my sufferings, with my hopes, to be soon
with you, which I know will give you comfort; and so I rest, begging the
continuance of your prayers and blessings,
Your ever dutiful DAUGHTER.
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I have so much time upon my hands that I must write on, to employ myself.
The Sunday evening, where I left off, Mrs. Jewkes asked me, If I chose to
be by myself; I said, Yes, with all my heart, if she pleased. Well, said
she, after to-night you shall. I asked her for more paper; and she gave
me a bottle of ink, eight sheets of paper, which she said was all her
store, (for now she would get me to write for her to our master, if she
had occasion,) and six pens, with a piece of sealing wax. This looks
mighty well.
She pressed me, when she came to bed, very much, to give encouragement to
Mr. Williams, and said many things in his behalf; and blamed my shyness
to him. I told her, I was resolved to give no encouragement, till I had
talked to my father and mother. She said, he fancied I thought of
somebody else, or I could never be so insensible. I assured her, as I
could do very safely, that there was not a man on earth I wished to have:
and as to Mr. Williams, he might do better by far: and I had proposed so
much happiness in living with my poor father and mother, that I could not
think of any scheme of life with pleasure, till I had tried that. I
asked her for my money; and she said, it was above in her strong box, but
that I should have it to-morrow. All these things look well, as I said.
Mr. Williams would go home this night, though late, because he would
despatch a messenger to you with a letter he had proposed from himself,
and my packet. But pray don't encourage him, as I said; for he is much
too heady and precipitate as to this matter, in my way of thinking;
though, to be sure, he is a very good man, and I am much obliged to him.
Monday morning.
Alas-a-day! we have bad news from poor Mr. Williams. He has had a sad
mischance; fallen among rogues in his way home last night: but by good
chance has saved my papers. This is the account he gives of it to Mrs.
Jewkes:
'GOOD MRS. JEWKES,
'I have had a sore misfortune in going from you. When I had got as near
the town as the dam, and was going to cross the wooden bridge, two
fellows got hold of me, and swore bitterly they would kill me, if I did
not give them what I had. They rummaged my pockets, and took from me my
snuff-box, my seal-ring, and half a guinea, and some silver, and
halfpence; also my handkerchief, and two or three letters I had in my
pockets. By good fortune, the letter Mrs. Pamela gave me was in my
bosom, and so that escaped but they bruised my head and face, and cursing
me for having no more money, tipped me into the dam, crying, be there,
parson, till to-morrow! My shins and knees were bruised much in the fall
against one of the stumps; and I had like to have been suffocated in
water and mud. To be sure, I shan't be able to stir out this day or two:
for I am a frightful spectacle! My hat and wig I was forced to leave
behind me, and go home, a mile and a half, without; but they were found
next morning, and brought me, with my snuff-box, which the rogues must
have dropped. My cassock is sadly torn, as is my band. To be sure, I
was much frightened, for a robbery in these parts has not been known many
years. Diligent search is making after the rogues. My humble respects
to good Mrs. Pamela: if she pities my misfortunes, I shall be the sooner
well, and fit to wait on her and you. This did not hinder me in writing
a letter, though with great pain, as I do this, (To be sure this good man
can keep no secret!) and sending it away by a man and horse, this
morning. I am, good Mrs. Jewkes,
'Your most obliged humble servant.'
'God be praised it is no worse! And I find I have got no cold, though
miserably wet from top to toe. My fright, I believe, prevented me from
catching cold: for I was not rightly myself for some hours, and know not
how I got home. I will write a letter of thanks this night, if I am
able, to my kind patron, for his inestimable goodness to me. I wish I
was enabled to say all I hope, with regard to the better part of his
bounty to me, incomparable Mrs. Pamela.'
The wicked brute fell a laughing, when she had read this letter, till her
fat sides shook. Said she, I can but think how the poor parson looked,
after parting with his pretty mistress in such high spirits, when he
found himself at the bottom of the dam! And what a figure he must cut in
his tattered band and cassock, and without a hat and wig, when he got
home. I warrant, added she, he was in a sweet pickle!--I said, I thought
it was very barbarous to laugh at such a misfortune; but she replied, As
he was safe, she laughed; otherwise she would have been sorry: and she
was glad to see me so concerned for him--It looked promising, she said.
I heeded not her reflections; but as I have been used to causes for
mistrusts, I cannot help saying, that I don't like this thing: And their
taking his letters most alarms me.--How happy it was they missed my
packet! I knew not what to think of it!--But why should I let every
accident break my peace? Yet it will do so, while I stay here.
Mrs. Jewkes is mightily at me, to go with her in the chariot, to visit
Mr. Williams. She is so officious to bring on the affair between us,
that, being a cunning, artful woman, I know not what to make of it: I
have refused her absolutely; urging, that except I intended to encourage
his suit, I ought not to do it. And she is gone without me.
I have strange temptations to get away in her absence, for all these fine
appearances. 'Tis sad to have nobody to advise with!--I know not what to
do. But, alas for me! I have no money, if I should, to buy any body's
civilities, or to pay for necessaries or lodgings. But I'll go into the
garden, and resolve afterwards----
I have been in the garden, and to the back-door: and there I stood, my
heart up at my mouth. I could not see I was watched; so this looks well.
But if any thing should go bad afterwards, I should never forgive myself,
for not taking this opportunity. Well, I will go down again, and see if
all is clear, and how it looks out at the back-door in the pasture.
To be sure, there is witchcraft in this house; and I believe Lucifer is
bribed, as well as all about me, and is got into the shape of that nasty
grim bull to watch me!--For I have been again, and ventured to open the
door, and went out about a bow-shot into the pasture; but there stood
that horrid bull, staring me full in the face, with fiery saucer eyes, as
I thought. So I got in again, for fear he should come at me. Nobody saw
me, however.--Do you think there are such things as witches and spirits?
If there be, I believe, in my heart, Mrs. Jewkes has got this bull of her
side. But yet, what could I do without money, or a friend'--O this
wicked woman! to trick me so! Every thing, man, woman, and beast, is in
a plot against your poor Pamela, I think!--Then I know not one step of
the way, nor how far to any house or cottage; and whether I could gain
protection, if I got to a house: And now the robbers are abroad too, I
may run into as great danger as I want to escape; nay, greater much, if
these promising appearances hold: And sure my master cannot be so black
as that they should not!--What can I do?--I have a good mind to try for
it once more; but then I may be pursued and taken: and it will be worse
for me; and this wicked woman will beat me, and take my shoes away, and
lock me up.
But, after all, if my master should mean well, he can't be angry at my
fears, if I should escape; and nobody can blame me; and I can more easily
be induced, with you, when all my apprehensions are over, to consider his
proposal of Mr. Williams, than I could here; and he pretends, as you have
read in his letter, he will leave me to my choice: Why then should I be
afraid? I will go down again, I think! But yet my heart misgives me,
because of the difficulties before me, in escaping; and being so poor and
so friendless!--O good God! the preserver of the innocent! direct me what
to do!
Well, I have just now a sort of strange persuasion upon me, that I ought
to try to get way, and leave the issue to Providence. So, once more--
I'll see, at least, if this bull be still there.
Alack-a-day! what a fate is this! I have not the courage to go, neither
can I think to stay. But I must resolve. The gardener was in sight last
time; so made me come up again. But I'll contrive to send him out of the
way, if I can:--For if I never should have such another opportunity, I
could not forgive myself. Once more I'll venture. God direct my
footsteps, and make smooth my path and my way to safety!
Well, here I am, come back again! frightened, like a fool, out of all my
purposes! O how terrible every thing appears to me! I had got twice as
far again, as I was before, out of the back-door: and I looked and saw
the bull, as I thought, between me and the door; and another bull coming
towards me the other way: Well, thought I, here is double witchcraft, to
be sure! Here is the spirit of my master in one bull, and Mrs. Jewkes's
in the other. And now I am gone, to be sure! O help! cried I, like a
fool, and ran back to the door, as swift as if I flew. When I had got
the door in my hand, I ventured to look back, to see if these supposed
bulls were coming; and I saw they were only two poor cows, a grazing in
distant places, that my fears had made all this rout about. But as every
thing is so frightful to me, I find I am not fit to think of my escape:
for I shall be as much frightened at the first strange man that I meet
with: and I am persuaded that fear brings one into more dangers, than the
caution, that goes along with it, delivers one from.
I then locked the door, and put the key in my pocket, and was in a sad
quandary; but I was soon determined; for the maid Nan came in sight, and
asked, if any thing was the matter, that I was so often up and down
stairs? God forgive me, (but I had a sad lie at my tongue's end,) said
I; Though Mrs. Jewkes is sometimes a little hard upon me, yet I know not
where I am without her: I go up, and I come down to walk about in the
garden; and, not having her, know scarcely what to do with myself. Ay,
said the ideot, she is main good company, madam, no wonder you miss her.
So here I am again, and here likely to be; for I have no courage to help
myself any where else. O why are poor foolish maidens tried with such
dangers, when they have such weak minds to grapple with them!--I will,
since it is so, hope the best: but yet I cannot but observe how
grievously every thing makes against me: for here are the robbers; though
I fell not into their hands myself, yet they gave me as much terror, and
had as great an effect upon my fears, as if I had: And here is the bull;
it has as effectually frightened me, as if I had been hurt by it instead
of the cook-maid; and so these joined together, as I may say, to make a
very dastard of me. But my folly was the worst of all, because that
deprived me of my money: for had I had that, I believe I should have
ventured both the bull and the robbers.
Monday afternoon.
So, Mrs. Jewkes is returned from her visit: Well, said she, I would have
you set your heart at rest; for Mr. Williams will do very well again. He
is not half so bad as he fancied. O these scholars, said she, they have
not the hearts of mice! He has only a few scratches on his face; which,
said she, I suppose he got by grappling among the gravel at the bottom of
the dam, to try to find a hole in the ground, to hide himself from the
robbers. His shin and his knee are hardly to be seen to ail any thing.
He says in his letter, he was a frightful spectacle: He might be so,
indeed, when he first came in a doors; but he looks well enough now: and,
only for a few groans now and then, when he thinks of his danger, I see
nothing is the matter with him. So, Mrs. Pamela, said she, I would have
you be very easy about it. I am glad of it, said I, for all your jokes,
to Mrs. Jewkes.
Well, said she, he talks of nothing but you: and when I told him I would
fain have persuaded you to come with me, the man was out of his wits with
his gratitude to me: and so has laid open all his heart to me, and told
me all that has passed, and was contriving between you two. This alarmed
me prodigiously; and the rather, as I saw, by two or three instances,
that his honest heart could keep nothing, believing every one as
undesigning as himself. I said, but yet with a heavy heart, Ah! Mrs.
Jewkes, Mrs. Jewkes, this might have done with me, had he had any thing
that he could have told you of. But you know well enough, that had we
been disposed, we had no opportunity for it, from your watchful care and
circumspection. No, said she, that's very true, Mrs. Pamela; not so much
as for that declaration that he owned before me, he had found
opportunity, for all my watchfulness, to make you. Come, come, said she,
no more of these shams with me! You have an excellent head-piece for
your years; but may be I am as cunning as you.--However, said she, all is
well now; because my watchments are now over, by my master's direction.
How have you employed yourself in my absence?
I was so troubled at what might have passed between Mr. Williams and her,
that I could not hide it; and she said, Well, Mrs. Pamela, since all
matters are likely to be so soon and so happily ended, let me advise you
to be a little less concerned at his discoveries; and make me your
confidant, as he has done, and I shall think you have some favour for me,
and reliance upon me; and perhaps you might not repent it.
She was so earnest, that I mistrusted she did this to pump me; and I knew
how, now, to account for her kindness to Mr. Williams in her visit to
him; which was only to get out of him what she could. Why, Mrs. Jewkes,
said I, is all this fishing about for something, where there is nothing,
if there be an end of your watchments, as you call them? Nothing, said
she, but womanish curiosity, I'll assure you; for one is naturally led to
find out matters, where there is such privacy intended. Well, said I,
pray let me know what he has said; and then I'll give you an answer to
your curiosity. I don't care, said she, whether you do or not for I have
as much as I wanted from him; and I despair of getting out of you any
thing you ha'n't a mind I should know, my little cunning dear.--Well,
said I, let him have said what he would, I care not: for I am sure he can
say no harm of me; and so let us change the talk.
I was the easier, indeed, because, for all her pumps, she gave no hints
of the key and the door, etc. which, had he communicated to her, she
would not have forborne giving me a touch of.--And so we gave up one
another, as despairing to gain our ends of each other. But I am sure he
must have said more than he should.--And I am the more apprehensive all
is not right, because she has now been actually, these two hours, shut up
a writing; though she pretended she had given me up all her stores of
papers, etc. and that I should write for her. I begin to wish I had
ventured every thing and gone off, when I might. O when will this state
of doubt and uneasiness end!
She has just been with me, and says she shall send a messenger to
Bedfordshire; and he shall carry a letter of thanks for me, if I will
write it for my master's favour to me. Indeed, said I, I have no thanks
to give, till I am with my father and mother: and besides, I sent a
letter, as you know; but have had no answer to it. She said, she thought
that his letter to Mr. Williams was sufficient; and the least I could do
was to thank him, if but in two lines. No need of it, said I; for I
don't intend to have Mr. Williams: What then is that letter to me? Well,
said she, I see thou art quite unfathomable!
I don't like all this. O my foolish fears of bulls and robbers!--For now
all my uneasiness begins to double upon me. O what has this incautious
man said! That, no doubt, is the subject of her long letter.
I will close this day's writing, with just saying, that she is mighty
silent and reserved, to what she was: and says nothing but No, or Yes, to
what I ask. Something must be hatching, I doubt!--I the rather think so,
because I find she does not keep her word with me, about lying by myself,
and my money; to both which points she returned suspicious answers,
saying, as to the one, Why, you are mighty earnest for your money; I
shan't run away with it. And to the other, Good-lack! you need not be so
willing, as I know of, to part with me for a bed-fellow, till you are
sure of one you like better. This cut me to the heart; and, at the same
time, stopped my mouth.
Tuesday, Wednesday.
Mr. Williams has been here; but we have had no opportunity to talk
together: He seemed confounded at Mrs. Jewkes's change of temper, and
reservedness, after her kind visit, and their freedom with one another,
and much more at what I am going to tell you. He asked, If I would take
a turn in the garden with Mrs. Jewkes and him. No, said she, I can't go.
Said he, May not Mrs. Pamela take a walk?--No, said she; I desire she
won't. Why, Mrs. Jewkes? said he: I am afraid I have somehow disobliged
you. Not at all, replied she; but I suppose you will soon be at liberty
to walk together as much as you please: and I have sent a messenger for
my last instructions, about this and more weighty matters; and when they
come I shall leave you to do as you both will; but, till then, it is no
matter how little you are together. This alarmed us both; and he seemed
quite struck of a heap, and put on, as I thought, a self-accusing
countenance. So I went behind her back, and held my two hands together,
flat, with a bit of paper, I had, between them, and looked at him: and he
seemed to take me as I intended; intimating the renewing of the
correspondence by the tiles.
I left them both together, and retired to my closet to write a letter for
the tiles; but having no time for a copy, I will give you the substance
only.
I expostulated with him on his too great openness and easiness to fall
into Mrs. Jewkes's snares: told him my apprehensions of foul play; and
gave briefly the reasons which moved me: begged to know what he had said;
and intimated, that I thought there was the highest reason to resume our
prospect of the escape by the back-door. I put this in the usual place
in the evening; and now wait with impatience for an answer.
Thursday.
I have the following answer:
'DEAREST MADAM,
'I am utterly confounded, and must plead guilty to all your just
reproaches. I wish I were master of all but half your caution and
discretion! I hope, after all, this is only a touch of this ill woman's
temper, to shew her power and importance: For I think Mr. B---- neither
can nor dare deceive me in so black a manner. I would expose him all the
world over if he did. But it is not, cannot be in him. I have received
a letter from John Arnold, in which he tells me, that his master is
preparing for his London journey; and believes, afterwards, he will come
into these parts: But he says, Lady Davers is at their house, and is to
accompany her brother to London, or meet him there, he knows not which.
He professes great zeal and affection to your service: and I find he
refers to a letter he sent me before, but which is not come to my hand.
I think there can be no treachery; for it is a particular friend at
Gainsborough, that I have ordered him to direct to; and this is come safe
to my hands by this means; for well I know, I durst trust nothing to
Brett, at the post-house here. This gives me a little pain; but I hope
all will end well, and we shall soon hear, if it be necessary to pursue
our former intentions. If it be, I will lose no time to provide a horse
for you, and another for myself; for I can never do either God or myself
better service, though I were to forego all my expectations for it here,
I am 'Your most faithful humble servant.'
'I was too free indeed with Mrs. Jewkes, led to it by her dissimulation,
and by her pretended concern to make me happy with you. I hinted, that I
would not have scrupled to have procured your deliverance by any means;
and that I had proposed to you, as the only honourable one, marriage with
me. But I assured her, though she would hardly believe me, that you
discouraged my application: which is too true! But not a word of the
back-door key, etc.'
Mrs. Jewkes continues still sullen and ill-natured, and I am almost
afraid to speak to her. She watches me as close as ever, and pretends to
wonder why I shun her company as I do.
I have just put under the tiles these lines inspired by my fears, which
are indeed very strong; and, I doubt, not without reason.
'SIR,
'Every thing gives me additional disturbance. The missed letter of John
Arnold's makes me suspect a plot. Yet am I loath to think myself of so
much importance, as to suppose every one in a plot against me. Are you
sure, however, the London journey is not to be a Lincolnshire one? May
not John, who has been once a traitor, be so again?--Why need I be thus
in doubt?--If I could have this horse, I would turn the reins on his
neck, and trust to Providence to guide him for my safeguard! For I would
not endanger you, now just upon the edge of your preferment. Yet, sir, I
fear your fatal openness will make you suspected as accessary, let us be
ever so cautious.
'Were my life in question, instead of my honesty, I would not wish to
involve you, or any body, in the least difficulty, for so worthless a
poor creature. But, O sir! my soul is of equal importance with the soul
of a princess; though my quality is inferior to that of the meanest
slave.
'Save then my innocence, good Heaven! and preserve my mind spotless; and
happy shall I be to lay down my worthless life; and see an end to all my
troubles and anxieties.
'Forgive my impatience: But my presaging mind bodes horrid mischiefs!
Every thing looks dark around me; and this woman's impenetrable
sullenness and silence, without any apparent reason, from a conduct so
very contrary, bid me fear the worst.--blame me, sir, if you think me
wrong; and let me have your advice what to do; which will oblige
'Your most afflicted servant.'
Friday.
I have this half-angry answer; but, what is more to me than all the
letters in the world could be, yours, my dear father, enclosed.
'MADAM,
'I think you are too apprehensive by much; I am sorry for your
uneasiness. You may depend upon me, and all I can do. But I make no
doubt of the London journey, nor of John's contrition and fidelity. I
have just received, from my Gainsborough friend, this letter, as I
suppose, from your good father, in a cover, directed for me, as I had
desired. I hope it contains nothing to add to your uneasiness. Pray,
dearest madam, lay aside your fears, and wait a few days for the issue of
Mrs. Jewkes's letter, and mine of thanks to Mr. B----. Things, I hope,
must be better than you expect. Providence will not desert such piety
and innocence: and be this your comfort and reliance: Which is the best
advice that can at present be given, by
'Your most faithful humble servant.'
N. B. The father's letter was as follows:
'My DEAREST DAUGHTER,
'Our prayers are at length heard, and we are overwhelmed with joy. O
what sufferings, what trials, hast thou gone through! Blessed be the
Divine goodness, which has enabled thee to withstand so many temptations!
We have not yet had leisure to read through your long accounts of all
your hardships. I say long, because I wonder how you could find time and
opportunity for them: but otherwise they are the delight of our spare
hours; and we shall read them over and over, as long as we live, with
thankfulness to God, who has given us so virtuous and so discreet a
daughter. How happy is our lot in the midst of our poverty! O let none
ever think children a burden to them; when the poorest circumstances can
produce so much riches in a Pamela! Persist, my dear daughter, in the
same excellent course; and we shall not envy the highest estate, but defy
them to produce such a daughter as ours.
'I said, we had not read through all yours in course. We were too
impatient, and so turned to the end; where we find your virtue within
view of its reward, and your master's heart turned to see the folly of
his ways, and the injury he had intended to our dear child: For, to be
sure, my dear, he would have ruined you, if he could. But seeing your
virtue, his heart is touched; and he has, no doubt, been awakened by your
good example.
'We don't see that you can do any way so well, as to come into the
present proposal, and make Mr. Williams, the worthy Mr. Williams! God
bless him!--happy. And though we are poor, and can add no merit, no
reputation, no fortune, to our dear child, but rather must be a disgrace
to her, as the world will think; yet I hope I do not sin in my pride, to
say, that there is no good man, of a common degree, (especially as your
late lady's kindness gave you such good opportunities, which you have had
the grace to improve,) but may think himself happy in you. But, as you
say, you had rather not marry at present, far be it from us to offer
violence to your inclination! So much prudence as you have shewn in all
your conduct, would make it very wrong in us to mistrust it in this, or
to offer to direct you in your choice. Rut, alas! my child, what can we
do for you?--To partake our hard lot, and involve yourself into as hard a
life, would not help us, but add to your afflictions. But it will be
time enough to talk of these things, when we have the pleasure you now
put us in hope of, of seeing you with us; which God grant. Amen, amen,
say 'Your most indulgent parents. Amen!'
'Our humblest service and thanks to the worthy Mr. Williams. Again we
say, God bless him for ever!
'O what a deal we have to say to you! God give us a happy meeting! We
understand the 'squire is setting out for London. He is a fine
gentleman, and has wit at will. I wish he was as good. But I hope he
will now reform.'
O what inexpressible comfort, my dear father, has your letter given me!--
You ask, What can you do for me?--What is it you cannot do for your
child!--You can give her the advice she has so much wanted, and still
wants, and will always want: You can confirm her in the paths of virtue,
into which you first initiated her; and you can pray for her, with hearts
so sincere and pure, that are not to be met with in palaces!--Oh! how I
long to throw myself at your feet, and receive from your own lips the
blessings of such good parents! But, alas! how are my prospects again
overclouded, to what they were when I closed my last parcel!--More
trials, more dangers, I fear, must your poor Pamela be engaged in: But
through the Divine goodness, and your prayers, I hope, at last, to get
well out of all my difficulties; and the rather, as they are not the
effect of my own vanity or presumption!
But I will proceed with my hopeless story. I saw Mr. Williams was a
little nettled at my impatience; and so I wrote to assure him I would be
as easy as I could, and wholly directed by him; especially as my father,
whose respects I mentioned, had assured me my master was setting out for
London, which he must have somehow from his own family or he would not
have written me word of it.
Saturday, Sunday.
Mr. Williams has been here both these days, as usual; but is very
indifferently received still by Mrs. Jewkes; and, to avoid suspicion, I
left them together, and went up to my closet, most of the time he was
here. He and she, I found by her, had a quarrel: and she seems quite out
of humour with him: but I thought it best not to say any thing: and he
said, he would very little trouble the house till he had an answer to his
letter from Mr. B----. And she returned, The less, the better. Poor
man! he has got but little by his openness, making Mrs. Jewkes his
confidant, as she bragged, and would have had me to do likewise.
I am more and more satisfied there is mischief brewing; and shall begin
to hide my papers, and be circumspect. She seems mighty impatient for an
answer to her letter to my master.
Monday, Tuesday, the 25th and 26th days of my heavy restraint.
Still more and more strange things to write! A messenger is returned,
and now all is out! O wretched, wretched Pamela! What, at last, will
become of me!--Such strange turns and trials sure never poor creature, of
my years, experienced. He brought two letters, one to Mrs. Jewkes, and
one to me: but, as the greatest wits may be sometimes mistaken, they
being folded and sealed alike, that for me was directed to Mrs. Jewkes;
and that for her was directed to me. But both are stark naught,
abominably bad! She brought me up that directed for me, and said, Here's
a letter for you: Long-looked-for is come at last. I will ask the
messenger a few questions, and then I will read mine. So she went down,
and I broke it open in my closet, and found it directed To MRS. PAMELA
ANDREWS. But when I opened it, it began, Mrs. Jewkes. I was quite
confounded; but, thought I, this may be a lucky mistake; I may discover
something: And so I read on these horrid contents:
'MRS. JEWKES,
'What you write me, has given me no small disturbance. This wretched
fool's play-thing, no doubt, is ready to leap at any thing that offers,
rather than express the least sense of gratitude for all the benefits she
has received from my family, and which I was determined more and more to
heap upon her. I reserve her for my future resentment; and I charge you
double your diligence in watching her, to prevent her escape. I send
this by an honest Swiss, who attended me in my travels; a man I can
trust; and so let him be your assistant: for the artful creature is
enough to corrupt a nation by her seeming innocence and simplicity; and
she may have got a party, perhaps, among my servants with you, as she has
here. Even John Arnold, whom I confided in, and favoured more than any,
has proved an execrable villain; and shall meet his reward for it.
'As to that college novice, Williams, I need not bid you take care he
sees not this painted bauble: for I have ordered Mr. Shorter, my
attorney, to throw him instantly into gaol, on an action of debt, for
money he has had of me, which I had intended never to carry to account
against him; for I know all his rascally practices, besides what you
write me of his perfidious intrigue with that girl, and his acknowledged
contrivances for her escape; when he knew not, for certain, that I
designed her any mischief; and when, if he had been guided by a sense of
piety, or compassion for injured innocence, as he pretends, he would have
expostulated with me, as his function, and my friendship for him, might
have allowed him. But to enter into a vile intrigue with the amiable
gewgaw, to favour her escape in so base a manner, (to say nothing of his
disgraceful practices against me, in Sir Simon Darnford's family, of
which Sir Simon himself has informed me), is a conduct that, instead of
preferring the ungrateful wretch, as I had intended, shall pull down upon
him utter ruin.
'Monsieur Colbrand, my trusty Swiss, will obey you without reserve, if my
other servants refuse.
'As for her denying that she encouraged his declaration, I believe it
not. It is certain the speaking picture, with all that pretended
innocence and bashfulness, would have run away with him. Yes, she would
run away with a fellow that she had been acquainted with (and that not
intimately, if you were as careful as you ought to be) but a few days; at
a time when she had the strongest assurances of my honour to her.
'Well, I think, I now hate her perfectly: and though I will do nothing to
her myself, yet I can bear, for the sake of my revenge, and my injured
honour and slighted love, to see any thing, even what she most fears, be
done to her; and then she may be turned loose to her evil destiny, and
echo to the woods and groves her piteous lamentations for the loss of her
fantastical innocence, which the romantic ideot makes such a work about.
I shall go to London, with my sister Davers; and the moment I can
disengage myself, which, perhaps, may be in three weeks from this time, I
will be with you, and decide her fate, and put an end to your trouble.
Mean time be doubly careful; for this innocent, as I have warned you, is
full of contrivances. I am 'Your friend.'
I had but just read this dreadful letter through, when Mrs. Jewkes came
up in a great fright, guessing at the mistake, and that I had her letter,
and she found me with it open in my hand, just sinking away. What
business, said she, had you to read my letter? and snatched it from me.
You see, said she, looking upon it, it says Mrs. Jewkes, at top: You
ought, in manners, to have read no further. O add not, said I, to my
afflictions! I shall be soon out of all your ways! This is too much!
too much! I never can support this--and threw myself upon the couch, in
my closet, and wept most bitterly. She read it in the next room, and
came in again afterwards. Why, this, said she, is a sad letter indeed: I
am sorry for it: But I feared you would carry your niceties too far!--
Leave me, leave me, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, for a while: I cannot speak nor
talk.--Poor heart! said she; Well, I'll come up again presently, and hope
to find you better. But here, take your own letter; I wish you well; but
this is a sad mistake! And so she put down by me that which was intended
for me: But I have no spirit to read it at present. O man! man! hard-
hearted, cruel man! what mischiefs art thou not capable of, unrelenting
persecutor as thou art!
I sat ruminating, when I had a little come to myself, upon the terms of
this wicked letter; and had no inclination to look into my own. The bad
names, fool's play-thing, artful creature, painted bauble, gewgaw,
speaking picture, are hard words for your poor Pamela! and I began to
think whether I was not indeed a very naughty body, and had not done vile
things: But when I thought of his having discovered poor John, and of Sir
Simon's base officiousness, in telling him of Mr. Williams, with what he
had resolved against him in revenge for his goodness to me, I was quite
dispirited; and yet still more about that fearful Colbrand, and what he
could see done to me: for then I was ready to gasp for breath, and my
heart quite failed me. Then how dreadful are the words, that he will
decide my fate in three weeks! Gracious Heaven, said I, strike me dead,
before that time, with a thunderbolt, or provide some way for my escaping
these threatened mischiefs! God forgive me, if I sinned!
At last, I took up the letter directed for Mrs. Jewkes, but designed for
me; and I find that little better than the other. These are the hard
terms it contains:
'Well have you done, perverse, forward, artful, yet foolish Pamela, to
convince me, before it was too late, how ill I had done to place my
affections on so unworthy an object: I had vowed honour and love to your
unworthiness, believing you a mirror of bashful modesty and unspotted
innocence; and that no perfidious designs lurked in so fair a bosom. But
now I have found you out, you specious hypocrite! and I see, that though
you could not repose the least confidence in one you had known for years,
and who, under my good mother's misplaced favour for you, had grown up in
a manner with you; when my passion, in spite of my pride, and the
difference of our condition, made me stoop to a meanness that now I
despise myself for; yet you could enter into an intrigue with a man you
never knew till within these few days past, and resolve to run away with
a stranger, whom your fair face, and insinuating arts, had bewitched to
break through all the ties of honour and gratitude to me, even at a time
when the happiness of his future life depended upon my favour.
'Henceforth, for Pamela's sake, whenever I see a lovely face, will I
mistrust a deceitful heart; and whenever I hear of the greatest pretences
to innocence, will I suspect some deep-laid mischief. You were
determined to place no confidence in me, though I have solemnly, over and
over, engaged my honour to you. What, though I had alarmed your fears in
sending you one way, when you hoped to go another; yet, had I not, to
convince you of my resolution to do justly by you, (although with great
reluctance, such then was my love for you,) engaged not to come near you
without your own consent? Was not this a voluntary demonstration of the
generosity of my intention to you? Yet how have you requited me? The
very first fellow that your charming face, and insinuating address, could
influence, you have practised upon, corrupted too, I may say, (and even
ruined, as the ungrateful wretch shall find,) and thrown your forward
self upon him. As, therefore, you would place no confidence in me, my
honour owes you nothing; and, in a little time, you shall find how much
you have erred, in treating, as you have done, a man who was once
'Your affectionate and kind friend.'
'Mrs. Jewkes has directions concerning you: and if your lot is now harder
than you might wish, you will bear it the easier, because your own rash
folly has brought it upon you.'
Alas! for me, what a fate is mine, to be thus thought artful, and
forward, and ungrateful; when all I intended was to preserve my
innocence; and when all the poor little shifts, which his superior wicked
wit and cunning have rendered ineffectual, were forced upon me in my own
necessary defence!
When Mrs. Jewkes came up to me again, she found me bathed in tears. She
seemed, as I thought, to be moved to some compassion; and finding myself
now entirely in her power, and that it is not for me to provoke her, I
said, It is now, I see, in vain for me to contend against my evil
destiny, and the superior arts of my barbarous master. I will resign
myself to the Divine will, and prepare to expect the worst. But you see
how this poor Mr. Williams is drawn in and undone: I am sorry I am made
the cause of his ruin. Poor, poor man!--to be thus involved, and for my
sake too!--But if you'll believe me, said I, I gave no encouragement to
what he proposed, as to marriage; nor would he have proposed it, I
believe, but as the only honourable way he thought was left to save me:
And his principal motive to it at all, was virtue and compassion to one
in distress. What other view could he have? You know I am poor and
friendless. All I beg of you is, to let the poor gentleman have notice
of my master's resentment; and let him fly the country, and not be thrown
into gaol. This will answer my master's end as well; for it will as
effectually hinder him from assisting me, as if he was in a prison.
Ask me, said she, to do any thing that is in my power, consistent with my
duty and trust, and I will do it: for I am sorry for you both. But, to
be sure, I shall keep no correspondence with him, nor let you. I offered
to talk of a duty superior to that she mentioned, which would oblige her
to help distressed innocence, and not permit her to go the lengths
enjoined by lawless tyranny; but she plainly bid me be silent on that
head: for it was in vain to attempt to persuade her to betray her trust:
--All I have to advise you, said she, is to be easy; lay aside all your
contrivances and arts to get away, and make me your friend, by giving me
no reason to suspect you; for I glory in my fidelity to my master: And
you have both practised some strange sly arts, to make such a progress as
he has owned there was between you, so seldom as I thought you saw one
another; and I must be more circumspect than I have been.
This doubled my concern; for I now apprehended I should be much closer
watched than before.
Well, said I, since I have, by this strange accident, discovered my hard
destiny; let me read over again that fearful letter of yours, that I may
get it by heart, and with it feed my distress, and make calamity familiar
to me. Then, said she, let me read yours again. I gave her mine, and
she lent me hers: and so I took a copy of it, with her leave; because, as
I said I would, by it, prepare myself for the worst. And when I had
done, I pinned it on the head of the couch: This, said I, is the use I
shall make of this wretched copy of your letter; and here you shall
always find it wet with my tears.
She said she would go down to order supper; and insisted upon my company
to it. I would have excused myself; but she began to put on a commanding
air, that I durst not oppose. And when I went down, she took me by the
hand, and presented me to the most hideous monster I ever saw in my life.
Here, Monsieur Colbrand, said she, here is your pretty ward and mine; let
us try to make her time with us easy. He bowed, and put on his foreign
grimaces, and seemed to bless himself; and, in broken English, told me, I
was happy in de affections of de finest gentleman in de varld!--I was
quite frightened, and ready to drop down; and I will describe him to you,
my dear father and mother, if now you will ever see this: and you shall
judge if I had not reason, especially not knowing he was to be there, and
being apprised, as I was, of his hated employment, to watch me closer.
He is a giant of a man for stature; taller by a good deal than Harry
Mowlidge, in your neighbourhood, and large boned, and scraggy; and has a
hand!--I never saw such an one in my life. He has great staring eyes,
like the bull's that frightened me so; vast jaw-bones sticking out:
eyebrows hanging over his eyes; two great scars upon his forehead, and
one on his left cheek; and two large whiskers, and a monstrous wide
mouth; blubber lips; long yellow teeth, and a hideous grin. He wears his
own frightful long hair, tied up in a great black bag; a black crape
neckcloth about a long ugly neck: and his throat sticking out like a wen.
As to the rest, he was dressed well enough, and had a sword on, with a
nasty red knot to it; leather garters, buckled below his knees; and a
foot--near as long as my arm, I verily think.
He said, he fright de lady; and offered to withdraw; but she bid him not;
and I told Mrs. Jewkes, That as she knew I had been crying, she should
not have called me to the gentleman without letting me know he was there.
I soon went up to my closet; for my heart ached all the time I was at
table, not being able to look upon him without horror; and this brute of
a woman, though she saw my distress, before this addition to it, no doubt
did it on purpose to strike more terror into me. And indeed it had its
effect: for when I went to bed, I could think of nothing but his hideous
person, and my master's more hideous actions: and thought them too well
paired; and when I dropt asleep, I dreamed they were both coming to my
bedside, with the worst designs; and I jumped out of my bed in my sleep,
and frightened Mrs. Jewkes; till, waking with the terror, I told her my
dream; and the wicked creature only laughed, and said, All I feared was
but a dream, as well as that; and when it was over, and I was well awake,
I should laugh at it as such!
And now I am come to the close of Wednesday, the 27th day of my distress.
Poor Mr. Williams is actually arrested, and carried away to Stamford. So
there is an end of all my hopes from him, poor gentleman! His over-
security and openness have ruined us both! I was but too well convinced,
that we ought not to have lost a moment's time; but he was half angry,
and thought me too impatient; and then his fatal confessions, and the
detestable artifice of my master!--But one might well think, that he who
had so cunningly, and so wickedly, contrived all his stratagems hitherto,
that it was impossible to avoid them, would stick at nothing to complete
them. I fear I shall soon find it so!
But one stratagem I have just invented, though a very discouraging one to
think of; because I have neither friends nor money, nor know one step of
the way, if I was out of the house. But let bulls, and bears, and lions,
and tigers, and, what is worse, false, treacherous, deceitful men, stand
in my way, I cannot be in more danger than I am; and I depend nothing
upon his three weeks: for how do I know, now he is in such a passion, and
has already begun his vengeance on poor Mr. Williams, that he will not
change his mind, and come down to Lincolnshire before he goes to London?
My stratagem is this: I will endeavour to get Mrs. Jewkes to go to bed
without me, as she often does, while I sit locked up in my closet: and as
she sleeps very sound in her first sleep, of which she never fails to
give notice by snoring, if I can but then get out between the two bars of
the window, (for you know I am very slender, and I find I can get my head
through,) then I can drop upon the leads underneath, which are little
more than my height, and which leads are over a little summer-parlour,
that juts out towards the garden; and as I am light, I can easily drop
from them; for they are not high from the ground: then I shall be in the
garden; and then, as I have the key of the back-door, I will get out.
But I have another piece of cunning still: Good Heaven, succeed to me my
dangerous, but innocent devices!--I have read of a great captain, who,
being in danger, leaped overboard into the sea, and his enemies, as he
swam, shooting at him with bows and arrows, he unloosed his upper
garment, and took another course, while they stuck that full of their
darts and arrows; and so he escaped, and lived to triumph over them all.
So what will I do, but strip off my upper petticoat, and throw it into
the pond, with my neckhandkerchief! For to be sure, when they miss me,
they will go to the pond first, thinking I have drowned myself: and so,
when they see some of my clothes floating there, they will be all
employed in dragging the pond, which is a very large one; and as I shall
not, perhaps, be missed till the morning, this will give me opportunity
to get a great way off; and I am sure I will run for it when I am out.
And so I trust, that Providence will direct my steps to some good place
of safety, and make some worthy body my friend; for sure, if I suffer
ever so, I cannot be in more danger, nor in worse hands, than where I am;
and with such avowed bad designs.
O my dear parents! don't be frightened when you come to read this!--But
all will be over before you can see it; and so God direct me for the
best! My writings, for fear I should not escape, I will bury in the
garden; for, to be sure, I shall be searched and used dreadfully if I
can't get off. And so I will close here, for the present, to prepare for
my plot. Prosper thou, O gracious Protector of oppressed innocence! this
last effort of thy poor handmaid! that I may escape the crafty devices
and snares that have begun to entangle my virtue; and from which, but by
this one trial, I see no way of escaping. And oh! whatever becomes of
me, bless my dear parents, and protect poor Mr. Williams from ruin! for
he was happy before he knew me.
Just now, just now! I heard Mrs. Jewkes, who is in her cups, own to the
horrid Colbrand, that the robbing of poor Mr. Williams was a contrivance
of hers, and executed by the groom and a helper, in order to seize my
letters upon him, which they missed. They are now both laughing at the
dismal story, which they little think I overheard--O how my heart aches!
for what are not such wretches capable of! Can you blame me for
endeavouring, through any danger, to get out of such clutches?
Past eleven o'clock.
Mrs. Jewkes is come up, and gone to bed; and bids me not stay long in my
closet, but come to bed. O for a dead sleep for the treacherous brute!
I never saw her so tipsy, and that gives me hopes. I have tried again,
and find I can get my head through the iron bars. I am now all prepared,
as soon as I hear her fast; and now I'll seal up these, and my other
papers, my last work: and to thy providence, O my gracious God! commit
the rest.--Once more, God bless you both! and send us a happy meeting; if
not here, in his heavenly kingdom. Amen.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, the 28th, 29th, 30th, and 31st days
of my distress.
And distress indeed! For here I am still; and every thing has been worse
and worse! Oh! the poor unhappy Pamela!--Without any hope left, and
ruined in all my contrivances. But, oh! my dear parents, rejoice with
me, even in this low plunge of my distress; for your poor Pamela has
escaped from an enemy worse than any she ever met with; an enemy she
never thought of before, and was hardly able to stand against: I mean,
the weakness and presumption, both in one, of her own mind; which had
well nigh, had not the divine grace interposed, sunk her into the lowest,
last abyss of misery and perdition!
I will proceed, as I have opportunity, with my sad relation: for my pen
and ink (in my now doubly-secured closet) are all I have to employ myself
with: and indeed I have been so weak, that, till yesterday evening, I
have not been able to hold a pen.
I took with me but one shift, besides what I had on, and two
handkerchiefs, and two caps, which my pocket held, (for it was not for me
to encumber myself,) and all my stock of money, which was but five or six
shillings, to set out for I knew not where; and got out of the window,
not without some difficulty, sticking a little at my shoulders and hips;
but I was resolved to get out, if possible. And it was farther from the
leads than I thought, and I was afraid I had sprained my ancle; and when
I had dropt from the leads to the ground, it was still farther off; but I
did pretty well there, at least. I got no hurt to hinder me from
pursuing my intentions. So being now on the ground, I hid my papers
under a rose-bush, and covered them with mould, and there they still lie,
as I hope. Then I hied away to the pond: The clock struck twelve, just
as I got out; and it was a dark misty night, and very cold; but I felt it
not then.
When I came to the pond-side, I flung in my upper-coat, as I had
designed, and my neckhandkerchief, and a round-eared cap, with a knot;
and then with great speed ran to the door, and took the key out of my
pocket, my poor heart beating all the time against my bosom, as if it
would have forced its way through it: and beat it well might! for I then,
too late, found, that I was most miserably disappointed; for the wicked
woman had taken off that lock, and put another on; so that my key would
not open it. I tried, and tried, and feeling about, I found a padlock
besides, on another part of the door. O then how my heart sunk!--I dropt
down with grief and confusion, unable to stir or support myself, for a
while. But my fears awakening my resolution, and knowing that my attempt
would be as terrible for me as any other danger I could then encounter, I
clambered up upon the ledges of the door, and upon the lock, which was a
great wooden one; and reached the top of the door with my hands; then,
little thinking I could climb so well, I made shift to lay hold on the
top of the wall with my hands; but, alas for me! nothing but ill luck!--
no escape for poor Pamela! The wall being old, the bricks I held by gave
way, just as I was taking a spring to get up; and down came I, and
received such a blow upon my head, with one of the bricks, that it quite
stunned me; and I broke my shins and my ancle besides, and beat off the
heel of one of my shoes.
In this dreadful way, flat upon the ground, lay poor I, for I believe
five or six minutes; and then trying to get up, I sunk down again two or
three times; and my left hip and shoulder were very stiff, and full of
pain, with bruises; and, besides, my head bled, and ached grievously with
the blow I had with the brick. Yet these hurts I valued not; but crept a
good way upon my feet and hands, in search of a ladder, I just
recollected to have seen against the wall two days before, on which the
gardener was nailing a nectarine branch that was loosened from the wall:
but no ladder could I find, and the wall was very high. What now,
thought I, must become of the miserable Pamela!--Then I began to wish
myself most heartily again in my closet, and to repent of my attempt,
which I now censured as rash, because it did not succeed.
God forgive me! but a sad thought came just then into my head!--I tremble
to think of it! Indeed my apprehensions of the usage I should meet with,
had like to have made me miserable for ever! O my dear, dear parents,
forgive your poor child; but being then quite desperate, I crept along,
till I could raise myself on my staggering feet; and away limped I!--What
to do, but to throw myself into the pond, and so put a period to all my
griefs in this world!--But, O! to find them infinitely aggravated (had I
not, by the divine grace, been withheld) in a miserable eternity! As I
have escaped this temptation, (blessed be God for it!) I will tell you my
conflicts on this dreadful occasion, that the divine mercies may be
magnified in my deliverance, that I am yet on this side the dreadful
gulf, from which there could have been no return.
It was well for me, as I have since thought, that I was so maimed, as
made me the longer before I got to the water; for this gave me time to
consider, and abated the impetuousness of my passions, which possibly
might otherwise have hurried me, in my first transport of grief, (on my
seeing no way to escape, and the hard usage I had reason to expect from
my dreadful keepers,) to throw myself in. But my weakness of body made
me move so slowly, that it gave time, as I said, for a little reflection,
a ray of grace, to dart in upon my benighted mind; and so, when I came to
the pond-side, I sat myself down on the sloping bank, and began to ponder
my wretched condition; and thus I reasoned with myself.
Pause here a little, Pamela, on what thou art about, before thou takest
the dreadful leap; and consider whether there be no way yet left, no
hope, if not to escape from this wicked house, yet from the mischiefs
threatened thee in it.
I then considered; and, after I had cast about in my mind every thing
that could make me hope, and saw no probability; a wicked woman, devoid
of all compassion! a horrid helper, just arrived, in this dreadful
Colbrand! an angry and resenting master, who now hated me, and threatened
the most afflicting evils! and that I should, in all probability, be
deprived even of the opportunity, I now had before me, to free myself
from all their persecutions!--What hast thou to do, distressed creature,
said I to myself, but throw thyself upon a merciful God, (who knows how
innocently I suffer,) to avoid the merciless wickedness of those who are
determined on my ruin?
And then, thought I, (and oh! that thought was surely of the devil's
instigation; for it was very soothing, and powerful with me,) these
wicked wretches, who now have no remorse, no pity on me, will then be
moved to lament their misdoings; and when they see the dead corpse of the
unhappy Pamela dragged out to these dewy banks, and lying breathless at
their feet, they will find that remorse to soften their obdurate heart,
which, now, has no place there!--And my master, my angry master, will
then forget his resentments, and say, O, this is the unhappy Pamela! that
I have so causelessly persecuted and destroyed! Now do I see she
preferred her honesty to her life, will he say, and is no hypocrite, nor
deceiver; but really was the innocent creature she pretended to be!
Then, thought I, will he, perhaps, shed a few tears over the poor corpse
of his persecuted servant; and though he may give out, it was love and
disappointment; and that, perhaps, (in order to hide his own guilt,) for
the unfortunate Mr. Williams, yet will he be inwardly grieved, and order
me a decent funeral, and save me, or rather this part of me, from the
dreadful stake, and the highway interment; and the young men and maidens
all around my dear father's will pity poor Pamela! But, O! I hope I
shall not be the subject of their ballads and elegies; but that my
memory, for the sake of my dear father and mother, may quickly slide into
oblivion.
I was once rising, so indulgent was I to this sad way of thinking, to
throw myself in: But, again, my bruises made me slow; and I thought, What
art thou about to do, wretched Pamela? How knowest thou, though the
prospect be all dark to thy short-sighted eye, what God may do for thee,
even when all human means fail? God Almighty would not lay me under
these sore afflictions, if he had not given me strength to grapple with
them, if I will exert it as I ought: And who knows, but that the very
presence I so much dread of my angry and designing master, (for he has
had me in his power before, and yet I have escaped;) may be better for
me, than these persecuting emissaries of his, who, for his money, are
true to their wicked trust, and are hardened by that, and a long habit of
wickedness, against compunction of heart? God can touch his heart in an
instant; and if this should not be done, I can then but put an end to my
life by some other means, if I am so resolved.
But how do I know, thought I, that even these bruises and maims that I
have gotten, while I pursued only the laudable escape I had meditated,
may not kindly have furnished me with the opportunity I am now tempted
with to precipitate myself, and of surrendering up my life, spotless and
unguilty, to that merciful Being who gave it!
Then, thought I, who gave thee, presumptuous as thou art, a power over
thy life? Who authorised thee to put an end to it, when the weakness of
thy mind suggests not to thee a way to preserve it with honour? How
knowest thou what purposes God may have to serve, by the trials with
which thou art now exercised? Art thou to put a bound to the divine
will, and to say, Thus much will I bear, and no more? And wilt thou dare
to say, That if the trial be augmented and continued, thou wilt sooner
die than bear it?
This act of despondency, thought I, is a sin, that, if I pursue it,
admits of no repentance, and can therefore hope no forgiveness.--And wilt
thou, to shorten thy transitory griefs, heavy as they are, and weak as
thou fanciest thyself, plunge both body and soul into everlasting misery!
Hitherto, Pamela, thought I, thou art the innocent, the suffering Pamela;
and wilt thou, to avoid thy sufferings, be the guilty aggressor? And,
because wicked men persecute thee, wilt thou fly in the face of the
Almighty, and distrust his grace and goodness, who can still turn all
these sufferings to benefits? And how do I know, but that God, who sees
all the lurking vileness of my heart, may have permitted these sufferings
on that very score, and to make me rely solely on his grace and
assistance, who, perhaps, have too much prided myself in a vain
dependence on my own foolish contrivances?
Then, again, thought I, wilt thou suffer in one moment all the good
lessons of thy poor honest parents, and the benefit of their example,
(who have persisted in doing their duty with resignation to the divine
will, amidst the extreme degrees of disappointment, poverty, and
distress, and the persecutions of an ungrateful world, and merciless
creditors,) to be thrown away upon thee: and bring down, as in all
probability this thy rashness will, their grey hairs with sorrow to the
grave, when they shall understand, that their beloved daughter, slighting
the tenders of divine grace, despairing of the mercies of a protecting
God, has blemished, in this last act, a whole life, which they had
hitherto approved and delighted in?
What then, presumptuous Pamela, dost thou here? thought I: Quit with
speed these perilous banks, and fly from these curling waters, that seem,
in their meaning murmurs, this still night, to reproach thy rashness!
Tempt not God's goodness on the mossy banks, that have been witnesses of
thy guilty purpose: and while thou hast power left thee, avoid the
tempting evil, lest thy grand enemy, now repulsed by divine grace, and
due reflection, return to the assault with a force that thy weakness may
not be able to resist! and let one rash moment destroy all the
convictions, which now have awed thy rebellious mind into duty and
resignation to the divine will!
And so saying, I arose; but was so stiff with my hurts, so cold with the
moist dew of the night, and the wet grass on which I had sat, as also
with the damps arising from so large a piece of water, that with great
pain I got from this pond, which now I think of with terror; and bending
my limping steps towards the house, took refuge in the corner of an
outhouse, where wood and coals are laid up for family use, till I should
be found by my cruel keepers, and consigned to a more wretched
confinement, and worse usage than I had hitherto experienced; and there
behind a pile of firewood I crept, and lay down, as you may imagine, with
a mind just broken, and a heart sensible to nothing but the extremest woe
and dejection.
This, my dear father and mother, is the issue of your poor Pamela's
fruitless enterprise; and who knows, if I had got out at the back-door,
whether I had been at all in a better case, moneyless, friendless, as I
am, and in a strange place!--But blame not your poor daughter too much:
Nay, if ever you see this miserable scribble, all bathed and blotted with
my tears, let your pity get the better of your reprehension! But I know
it will--And I must leave off for the present.--For, oh! my strength and
my will are at this time very far unequal to one another.--But yet I will
add, that though I should have praised God for my deliverance, had I been
freed from my wicked keepers, and my designing master; yet I have more
abundant reason to praise him, that I have been delivered from a worse
enemy,--myself!
I will conclude my sad relation.
It seems Mrs. Jewkes awaked not till day-break; and not finding me in
bed, she called me; and, no answer being returned, she relates, that she
got out of bed, and ran to my closet; and, missing me, searched under the
bed, and in another closet, finding the chamber-door as she had left it,
quite fast, and the key, as usual, about her wrist. For if I could have
got out of the chamber-door, there were two or three passages, and doors
to them all, double-locked and barred, to go through into the great
garden; so that, to escape, there was no way, but out of the window; and
of that window, because of the summer-parlour under it: for the other
windows are a great way from the ground.
She says she was excessively frightened; and instantly raised the Swiss,
and the two maids, who lay not far off; and finding every door fast, she
said, I must be carried away, as St. Peter was out of prison, by some
angel. It is a wonder she had not a worse thought!
She says, she wept, and wrung her hands, and took on sadly, running about
like a mad woman, little thinking I could have got out of the closet
window, between the iron bars; and, indeed, I don't know whether I could
do so again. But at last finding that casement open, they concluded it
must be so; and ran out into the garden, and found my footsteps in the
mould of the bed which I dropt down upon from the leads: And so speeded
away all of them; that is to say, Mrs. Jewkes, Colbrand, and Nan, towards
the back-door, to see if that was fast; while the cook was sent to the
out-offices to raise the men, and make them get horses ready, to take
each a several way to pursue me.
But, it seems, finding that door double-locked and padlocked, and the
heel of my shoe, and the broken bricks, they verily concluded I was got
away by some means over the wall; and then, they say, Mrs. Jewkes seemed
like a distracted woman: Till, at last, Nan had the thought to go towards
the pond: and there seeing my coat, and cap, and handkerchief, in the
water, cast almost to the banks by the agitation of the waves, she
thought it was me; and, screaming out, ran to Mrs. Jewkes, and said, O,
madam, madam! here's a piteous thing!--Mrs. Pamela lies drowned in the
pond. Thither they all ran; and finding my clothes, doubted not I was at
the bottom; and they all, Swiss among the rest, beat their breasts, and
made most dismal lamentations; and Mrs. Jewkes sent Nan to the men, to
bid them get the drag-net ready, and leave the horses, and come to try to
find the poor innocent! as she, it seems, then called me, beating her
breast, and lamenting my hard hap; but most what would become of them,
and what account they should give to my master.
While every one was thus differently employed, some weeping and wailing,
some running here and there, Nan came into the wood-house; and there lay
poor I; so weak, so low, and dejected, and withal so stiff with my
bruises, that I could not stir, nor help myself to get upon my feet. And
I said, with a low voice, (for I could hardly speak,) Mrs. Ann! Mrs.
Ann!--The creature was sadly frightened, but was taking up a billet to
knock me on the head, believing I was some thief, as she said; but I
cried out, O Mrs. Ann, Mrs. Ann, help me, for pity's sake, to Mrs.
Jewkes! for I cannot get up!--Bless me, said she, what! you, madam!--Why,
our hearts are almost broken, and we were going to drag the pond for you,
believing you had drowned yourself. Now, said she, you'll make us all
alive again!
And, without helping me, she ran away to the pond, and brought all the
crew to the wood-house.--The wicked woman, as she entered, said, Where is
she?--Plague of her spells, and her witchcrafts! She shall dearly repent
of this trick, if my name be Jewkes; and, coming to me, took hold of my
arm so roughly, and gave me such a pull, as made me squeal out, (my
shoulder being bruised on that side,) and drew me on my face. O cruel
creature! said I, if you knew what I have suffered, it would move you to
pity me!
Even Colbrand seemed to be concerned, and said, Fie, madam, fie! you see
she is almost dead! You must not be so rough with her. The coachman
Robin seemed to be sorry for me too, and said, with sobs, What a scene is
here! Don't you see she is all bloody in her head, and cannot stir?--
Curse of her contrivance! said the horrid creature; she has frightened me
out of my wits, I'm sure. How the d---l came you here?--Oh! said I, ask
me now no questions, but let the maids carry me up to my prison; and
there let me die decently, and in peace! For, indeed, I thought I could
not live two hours.
The still more inhuman tigress said, I suppose you want Mr. Williams to
pray by you, don't you? Well, I'll send for my master this minute: let
him come and watch you himself, for me; for there's no such thing as
holding you, I'm sure.
So the maids took me up between them, and carried me to my chamber; and
when the wretch saw how bad I was, she began a little to relent--while
every one wondered (at which I had neither strength nor inclination to
tell them) how all this came to pass, which they imputed to sorcery and
witchcraft.
I was so weak, when I had got up stairs, that I fainted away, with
dejection, pain, and fatigue; and they undressed me, and got me to bed;
and Mrs. Jewkes ordered Nan to bathe my shoulder, and arm, and ancle,
with some old rum warmed; and they cut the hair a little from the back
part of my head, and washed that; for it was clotted with blood, from a
pretty long, but not a deep gash; and put a family plaister upon it; for,
if this woman has any good quality, it is, it seems, in a readiness and
skill to manage in cases, where sudden misfortunes happen in a family.
After this, I fell into a pretty sound and refreshing sleep, and lay till
twelve o'clock, tolerably easy, considering I was very feverish, and
aguishly inclined; and she took a deal of care to fit me to undergo more
trials, which I had hoped would have been happily ended: but Providence
did not see fit.
She would make me rise about twelve: but I was so weak, I could only sit
up till the bed was made, and went into it again; and was, as they said,
delirious some part of the afternoon. But having a tolerable night on
Thursday, I was a good deal better on Friday, and on Saturday got up, and
ate a little spoon-meat, and my feverishness seemed to be gone; and I was
so mended by evening, that I begged her indulgence in my closet, to be
left to myself; which she consented to, it being double-barred the day
before, and I assuring her, that all my contrivances, as she called them,
were at an end. But first she made me tell the whole story of my
enterprise; which I did very faithfully, knowing now that nothing could
stand me in any stead, or contribute to my safety and escape: And she
seemed full of wonder at my resolution; but told me frankly, that I
should have found it a hard matter to get quite off; for that she was
provided with a warrant from my master (who is a justice of peace in this
county as well as in the other) to get me apprehended, if I had got away,
on suspicion of wronging him, let me have been where I would.
O how deep-laid are the mischiefs designed to fall on my devoted head!--
Surely, surely, I cannot be worthy of all this contrivance! This too
well shews me the truth of what was hinted to me formerly at the other
house, that my master swore he would have me! O preserve me, Heaven!
from being his, in his own wicked sense of the adjuration!
I must add, that now the woman sees me pick up so fast, she uses me
worse, and has abridged me of paper, all but one sheet, which I am to
shew her, written or unwritten, on demand: and has reduced me to one pen:
yet my hidden stores stand me in stead. But she is more and more
snappish and cross; and tauntingly calls me Mrs. Williams, and any thing
she thinks will vex me.
Sunday afternoon.
Mrs. Jewkes has thought fit to give me an airing, for three or four
hours, this afternoon; and I am a good deal better and should be much
more so, if I knew for what I am reserved. But health is a blessing
hardly to be coveted in my circumstances, since that but exposes me to
the calamity I am in continual apprehensions of; whereas a weak and
sickly state might possibly move compassion for me. O how I dread the
coming of this angry and incensed master; though I am sure I have done
him no harm!
Just now we heard, that he had like to have been drowned in crossing the
stream, a few days ago, in pursuing his game. What is the matter, that
with all his ill usage of me, I cannot hate him? To be sure, I am not
like other people! He has certainly done enough to make me hate him; but
yet, when I heard his danger, which was very great, I could not in my
heart forbear rejoicing for his safety; though his death would have ended
my afflictions. Ungenerous master! if you knew this, you surely would
not be so much my persecutor! But, for my late good lady's sake, I must
wish him well; and O what an angel would he be in my eyes yet, if he
would cease his attempts, and reform!
Well, I hear by Mrs. Jewkes, that John Arnold is turned away, being
detected in writing to Mr. Williams; and that Mr. Longman, and Mr.
Jonathan the butler, have incurred his displeasure, for offering to speak
in my behalf. Mrs. Jervis too is in danger; for all these three,
probably, went together to beg in my favour; for now it is known where I
am.
Mrs. Jewkes has, with the news about my master, received a letter: but
she says the contents are too bad for me to know. They must be bad
indeed, if they be worse than what I have already known.
Just now the horrid creature tells me, as a secret, that she has reason
to think he has found out a way to satisfy my scruples: It is, by
marrying me to this dreadful Colbrand, and buying me of him on the
wedding day, for a sum of money!--Was ever the like heard?--She says it
will be my duty to obey my husband; and that Mr. Williams will be forced,
as a punishment, to marry us; and that, when my master has paid for me,
and I am surrendered up, the Swiss is to go home again, with the money,
to his former wife and children; for, she says, it is the custom of those
people to have a wife in every nation.
But this, to be sure, is horrid romancing! Yet, abominable as it is, it
may possibly serve to introduce some plot now hatching!--With what
strange perplexities is my poor mind agitated! Perchance, some sham-
marriage may be designed, on purpose to ruin me; But can a husband sell
his wife against her own consent?--And will such a bargain stand good in
law?
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, the 32d, 33d, and 34th days of my
imprisonment.
Nothing offers these days but squabblings between Mrs. Jewkes and me.
She grows worse and worse to me. I vexed her yesterday, because she
talked nastily; and told her she talked more like a vile London
prostitute, than a gentleman's housekeeper; and she thinks she cannot use
me bad enough for it. Bless me! she curses and storms at me like a
trooper, and can hardly keep her hands off me. You may believe she must
talk sadly, to make me say such harsh words: indeed it cannot be
repeated; as she is a disgrace to her sex. And then she ridicules me,
and laughs at my notions of honesty; and tells me, impudent creature as
she is! what a fine bed-fellow I shall make for my master (and such-
like), with such whimsical notions about me!--Do you think this is to be
borne? And yet she talks worse than this, if possible! quite filthily!
O what vile hands am I put into!
Thursday.
I have now all the reason that can be, to apprehend my master will be
here soon; for the servants are busy in setting the house to rights; and
a stable and coach-house are cleaning out, that have not been used some
time. I asked Mrs. Jewkes; but she tells me nothing, nor will hardly
answer me when I ask her a question. Sometimes I think she puts on these
strange wicked airs to me, purposely to make me wish for, what I dread
most of all things, my master's coming down. He talk of love!--If he had
any the least notion of regard for me, to be sure he would not give this
naughty body such power over me:--And if he does come, where is his
promise of not seeing me without I consent to it? But, it seems, his
honour owes me nothing! So he tells me in his letter. And why? Because
I am willing to keep mine. But, indeed, he says, he hates me perfectly:
But it is plain he does, or I should not be left to the mercy of this
woman: and, what is worse, to my woful apprehensions.
Friday, the 36th day of my imprisonment.
I took the liberty yesterday afternoon, finding the gates open, to walk
out before the house; and, ere I was aware, had got to the bottom of the
long row of elms; and there I sat myself down upon the steps of a sort of
broad stile, which leads into the road, and goes towards the town. And
as I sat musing upon what always busies my mind, I saw a whole body of
folks running towards me from the house, men and women, as in a fright.
At first I wondered what was the matter, till they came nearer; and I
found they were all alarmed, thinking I had attempted to get off. There
was first the horrible Colbrand, running with his long legs, well nigh
two yards at a stride; then there was one of the grooms, poor Mr.
Williams's robber; then I spied Nan, half out of breath, and the cook-
maid after her! and lastly, came waddling, as fast as she could, Mrs.
Jewkes, exclaiming most bitterly, as I found, against me. Colbrand said,
O how have you frighted us all!--And went behind me, lest I should run
away, as I suppose.
I sat still, to let them see I had no view to get away; for, besides the
improbability of succeeding, my last sad attempt has cured me of
enterprising again. And when Mrs. Jewkes came within hearing, I found
her terribly incensed, and raving about my contrivances. Why, said I,
should you be so concerned? Here I have sat a few minutes, and had not
the least thought of getting away, or going farther; but to return as
soon as it was duskish. She would not believe me; and the barbarous
creature struck at me with her horrid fist, and, I believe, would have
felled me, had not Colbrand interposed, and said, He saw me sitting
still, looking about me, and not seeming to have the least inclination to
stir. But this would not serve: She ordered the two maids to take me
each by an arm, and lead me back into the house, and up stairs; and there
have I been locked up ever since, without shoes. In vain have I pleaded,
that I had no design, as indeed I had not the least; and last night I was
forced to be between her and Nan; and I find she is resolved to make a
handle of this against me, and in her own behalf.--Indeed, what with her
usage, and my own apprehensions of still worse, I am quite weary of my
life.
Just now she has been with me, and given me my shoes, and has laid her
imperious commands upon me, to dress myself in a suit of clothes out of
the portmanteau, which I have not seen lately, against three or four
o'clock; for she says, she is to have a visit from Lady Darnford's two
daughters, who come purposely to see me; and so she gave me the key of
the portmanteau. But I will not obey her; and I told her, I would not be
made a show of, nor see the ladies. She left me, saying, it would be
worse for me, if I did not. But how can that be?
Five o'clock is come,
And no young ladies!--So that I fancy--But hold! I hear their coach, I
believe. I'll step to the window.--I won't go down to them, I am
resolved--
Good sirs! good sirs! What will become of me! Here is my master come in
his fine chariot!--Indeed he is! What shall I do? Where shall I hide
myself?--O! What shall I do? Pray for me! But oh! you'll not see this!
--Now, good God of heaven, preserve me; if it be thy blessed will!
Seven o'clock.
Though I dread to see him, yet do I wonder I have not. To be sure
something is resolved against me, and he stays to hear all her stories.
I can hardly write; yet, as I can do nothing else, I know not how to
forbear!--Yet I cannot hold my pen--How crooked and trembling the lines!
--I must leave off, till I can get quieter fingers!--Why should the
guiltless tremble so, when the guilty can possess their minds in peace?
Saturday morning.
Now let me give you an account of what passed last night: for I had no
power to write, nor yet opportunity till now.
This vile woman held my master till half an hour after seven; and he came
hither about five in the afternoon. And then I heard his voice on the
stairs, as he was coming up to me. It was about his supper; for he said,
I shall choose a boiled chicken with butter and parsley.--And up he came!
He put on a stern and majestic air; and he can look very majestic when he
pleases. Well, perverse Pamela, ungrateful runaway, said he, for my
first salutation!--You do well, don't you, to give me all this trouble
and vexation! I could not speak; but throwing myself on the floor, hid
my face, and was ready to die with grief and apprehension.--He said, Well
may you hide your face! well may you be ashamed to see me, vile forward
one, as you are!--I sobbed and wept, but could not speak. And he let me
lie, and went to the door, and called Mrs. Jewkes.--There, said he, take
up that fallen angel!--Once I thought her as innocent as an angel of
light but I have now no patience with her. The little hypocrite
prostrates herself thus, in hopes to move my weakness in her favour, and
that I'll raise her from the floor myself. But I shall not touch her:
No, said he, cruel gentleman as he was! let such fellows as Williams be
taken in by her artful wiles! I know her now, and see she is for any
fool's turn, that will be caught by her.
I sighed, as if my heart would break!--And Mrs. Jewkes lifted me up upon
my knees; for I trembled so, I could not stand. Come, said she, Mrs.
Pamela, learn to know your best friend; confess your unworthy behaviour,
and beg his honour's forgiveness of all your faults. I was ready to
faint: And he said, She is mistress of arts, I'll assure you; and will
mimic a fit, ten to one, in a minute.
I was struck to the heart at this; but could not speak presently; only
lifted up my eyes to heaven!--And at last made shift to say--God forgive
you, sir!--He seemed in a great passion, and walked up and down the room,
casting sometimes an eye upon me, and seeming as if he would have spoken,
but checked himself--And at last he said, When she has acted this her
first part over, perhaps I will see her again, and she shall soon know
what she has to trust to.
And so he went out of the room: And I was quite sick at heart!--Surely,
said I, I am the wickedest creature that ever breathed! Well, said the
impertinent, not so wicked as that neither; but I am glad you begin to
see your faults. Nothing like being humble!--Come, I'll stand your
friend, and plead for you, if you'll promise to be more dutiful for the
future: Come, come, added the wretch, this may be all made up by to-
morrow morning, if you are not a fool.--Begone, hideous woman! said I,
and let not my affliction be added to by thy inexorable cruelty, and
unwomanly wickedness.
She gave me a push, and went away in a violent passion: And it seems, she
made a story of this; and said, I had such a spirit, there was no bearing
it.
I laid me down on the floor, and had no power to stir, till the clock
struck nine: and then the wicked woman came up again. You must come down
stairs, said she, to my master; that is, if you please, spirit!--Said I,
I believe I cannot stand. Then, said she, I'll send Mons. Colbrand to
carry you down.
I got up as well as I could, and trembled all the way down stairs: And
she went before me into the parlour; and a new servant that he had
waiting on him, instead of John, withdrew as soon as I came in: And, by
the way, he had a new coachman too, which looked as if Bedfordshire Robin
was turned away.
I thought, said he, when I came down, you should have sat at table with
me, when I had not company; but when I find you cannot forget your
original, but must prefer my menials to me, I call you down to wait on me
while I sup, that I may have some talk with you, and throw away as little
time as possible upon you.
Sir, said I, you do me honour to wait upon you:--And I never shall, I
hope, forget my original. But I was forced to stand behind his chair,
that I might hold by it. Fill me, said he, a glass of that Burgundy. I
went to do it, but my hand shook so, that I could not hold the plate with
the glass in it, and spilt some of the wine. So Mrs. Jewkes poured it
for me, and I carried it as well as I could; and made a low courtesy. He
took it, and said, Stand behind me, out of my sight!
Why, Mrs. Jewkes, said he, you tell me she remains very sullen still, and
eats nothing. No, said she, not so much as will keep life and soul
together.--And is always crying, you say, too? Yes, sir, answered she, I
think she is, for one thing or another. Ay, said he, your young wenches
will feed upon their tears; and their obstinacy will serve them for meat
and drink. I think I never saw her look better though, in my life!--But,
I suppose, she lives upon love. This sweet Mr. Williams, and her little
villanous plots together, have kept her alive and well, to be sure: For
mischief, love, and contradiction, are the natural aliments of a woman.
Poor I was forced to hear all this, and be silent; and indeed my heart
was too full to speak.
And so you say, said he, that she had another project, but yesterday, to
get away? She denies it herself, said she; but it had all the appearance
of one. I'm sure she made me in a fearful pucker about it: And I am glad
your honour is come, with all my heart; and I hope, whatever be your
honour's intention concerning her, you will not be long about it; for
you'll find her as slippery as an eel, I'll assure you.
Sir, said I, and clasped his knees with my arms, not knowing what I did,
and falling on my knees, Have mercy on me, and hear me, concerning that
wicked woman's usage of me--
He cruelly interrupted me, and said, I am satisfied she has done her
duty: it signifies nothing what you say against Mrs. Jewkes. That you
are here, little hypocrite as you are, pleading your cause before me, is
owing to her care of you; else you had been with the parson.--Wicked
girl! said he, to tempt a man to undo himself, as you have done him, at a
time I was on the point of making him happy for his life!
I arose; but said with a deep sigh, I have done, sir!--I have done!--I
have a strange tribunal to plead before. The poor sheep in the fable had
such an one; when it was tried before the vulture, on the accusation of
the wolf!
So, Mrs. Jewkes, said he, you are the wolf, I the vulture, and this the
poor innocent lamb on her trial before us.--Oh! you don't know how well
this innocent is read in reflection. She has wit at will, when she has a
mind to display her own romantic innocence, at the price of other
people's characters.
Well, said the aggravated creature, this is nothing to what she has
called me: I have been a Jezebel, a London prostitute, and what not?--But
I am contented with her ill names, now I see it is her fashion, and she
can call your honour a vulture.
Said I, I had no thought of comparing my master--and was going to say on:
but he said, Don't prate, girl!--No, said she, it don't become you, I am
sure.
Well, said I, since I must not speak, I will hold my peace; but there is
a righteous Judge, who knows the secrets of all hearts; and to him I
appeal.
See there! said he: now this meek, good creature is praying for fire from
heaven upon us! O she can curse most heartily, in the spirit of
Christian meekness, I'll assure you!--Come, saucy-face, give me another
glass of wine.
So I did, as well as I could; but wept so, that he said, I suppose I
shall have some of your tears in my wine!
When he had supped, he stood up, and said, O how happy for you it is,
that you can, at will, thus make your speaking eyes overflow in this
manner, without losing any of their brilliancy! You have been told, I
suppose, that you are most beautiful in your tears!--Did you ever, said
he to her, (who all this while was standing in one corner of the
parlour,) see a more charming creature than this? Is it to be wondered
at, that I demean myself thus to take notice of her?--See, said he, and
took the glass with one hand, and turned me round with the other, what a
shape! what a neck! what a hand! and what a bloom on that lovely face!--
But who can describe the tricks and artifices, that lie lurking in her
little, plotting, guileful heart! 'Tis no wonder the poor parson was
infatuated with her.--I blame him less than I do her; for who could
expect such artifice in so young a sorceress?
I went to the farther part of the room, and held my face against the
wainscot; and in spite of all I could do to refrain crying, sobbed as if
my heart would break. He said, I am surprised, Mrs. Jewkes, at the
mistake of the letters you tell me of! But, you see, I am not afraid any
body should read what I write. I don't carry on private correspondences,
and reveal every secret that comes to my knowledge, and then corrupt
people to carry my letters against their duty, and all good conscience.
Come hither, hussy! said he: You and I have a dreadful reckoning to make.
Why don't you come, when I bid you?--Fie upon it, Mrs. Pamela, said she.
What! not stir, when his honour commands you to come to him!--Who knows
but his goodness will forgive you?
He came to me, (for I had no power to stir,) and put his arms about my
neck, and would kiss me; and said, Well, Mrs. Jewkes, if it were not for
the thought of this cursed parson, I believe in my heart, so great is my
weakness, that I could not forgive this intriguing little slut, and take
her to my bosom.
O, said the sycophant, you are very good, sir, very forgiving, indeed!--
But come, added the profligate wretch, I hope you will be so good, as to
take her to your bosom; and that, by to-morrow morning, you'll bring her
to a better sense of her duty!
Could any thing in womanhood be so vile? I had no patience: but yet
grief and indignation choaked up the passage of my words; and I could
only stammer out a passionate exclamation to Heaven, to protect my
innocence. But the word was the subject of their ridicule. Was ever
poor creature worse beset!
He said, as if he had been considering whether he could forgive me or
not, No, I cannot yet forgive her neither.--She has given me great
disturbance, has brought great discredit upon me, both abroad and at
home: has corrupted all my servants at the other house; has despised my
honourable views and intentions to her, and sought to run away with this
ungrateful parson.--And surely I ought not to forgive all this!--Yet,
with all this wretched grimace, he kissed me again, and would have put
his hand into my bosom; but I struggled, and said, I would die before I
would be used thus.--Consider, Pamela, said he, in a threatening tone,
consider where you are! and don't play the fool: If you do, a more
dreadful fate awaits you than you expect. But take her up stairs, Mrs.
Jewkes, and I'll send a few lines to her to consider of; and let me have
your answer, Pamela, in the morning. 'Till then you have to resolve: and
after that your doom is fixed.--So I went up stairs, and gave myself up
to grief, and expectation of what he would send: but yet I was glad of
this night's reprieve!
He sent me, however, nothing at all. And about twelve o'clock, Mrs.
Jewkes and Nan came up, as the night before, to be my bed-fellows: and I
would go to bed with some of my clothes on: which they muttered at sadly;
and Mrs. Jewkes railed at me particularly. Indeed I would have sat up
all night, for fear, if she would have let me. For I had but very little
rest that night, apprehending this woman would let my master in. She did
nothing but praise him, and blame me: but I answered her as little as I
could.
He has Sir Simon Tell-tale, alias Darnford, to dine with him to-day,
whose family sent to welcome him into the country; and it seems the old
knight wants to see me; so I suppose I shall be sent for, as Samson was,
to make sport for him.--Here I am, and must bear it all!
Twelve o'clock, Saturday noon.
Just now he has sent me up, by Mrs. Jewkes, the following proposals. So
here are the honourable intentions all at once laid open. They are, my
dear parents, to make me a vile kept mistress: which, I hope, I shall
always detest the thoughts of. But you'll see how they are accommodated
to what I should have most desired, could I have honestly promoted it,
your welfare and happiness. I have answered them, as I am sure you'll
approve; and I am prepared for the worst: For though I fear there will be
nothing omitted to ruin me, and though my poor strength will not be able
to defend me, yet I will be innocent of crime in my intention, and in the
sight of God; and to him leave the avenging of all my wrongs, time and
manner. I shall write to you my answer against his articles; and hope
the best, though I fear the worst. But if I should come home to you
ruined and undone, and may not be able to look you in the face; yet pity
and inspirit the poor Pamela, to make her little remnant of life easy;
for long I shall not survive my disgrace: and you may be assured it shall
not be my fault, if it be my misfortune.
'To MRS. PAMELA ANDREWS.
'The following ARTICLES are proposed to your serious consideration; and
let me have an answer, in writing, to them, that I may take my
resolutions accordingly. Only remember, that I will not be trifled with;
and what you give for answer will absolutely decide your fate, without
expostulation, or farther trouble.
This is my ANSWER.
Forgive, sir, the spirit your poor servant is about to show in
her answer to your ARTICLES. Not to be warm, and in earnest,
on such an occasion as the present, would shew a degree of guilt,
that, I hope, my soul abhors. I will not trifle with you, nor
act like a person doubtful of her own mind; for it wants not one
moment's consideration with me; and I therefore return the ANSWER
following, let what will be the consequence.
'I. If you can convince me that the hated parson has had no
encouragement from you in his addresses; and that you have no inclination
for him in preference to me; then I will offer the following proposals to
you, which I will punctually make good.
I. As to the first article, sir, it may behove me (that I may
not deserve, in your opinion, the opprobrious terms of forward
and artful, and such like) to declare solemnly, that Mr. Williams
never had the least encouragement from me, as to what you hint;
and I believe his principal motive was the apprehended duty of his
function, quite contrary to his apparent interest, to assist a
person he thought in distress. You may, sir, the rather believe
me, when I declare, that I know not the man breathing I would wish
to marry; and that the only one I could honour more than another,
is the gentleman, who, of all others, seeks my everlasting dishonour.
'II. I will directly make you a present of 500 guineas, for your own
use, which you may dispose of to any purpose you please: and will give
it absolutely into the hands of any person you shall appoint to receive
it; and expect no favour in return, till you are satisfied in the
possession of it.
II. As to your second proposal, let the consequence be what it
will, I reject it with all my soul. Money, sir, is not my chief
good: May God Almighty desert me, whenever it is! and whenever,
for the sake of that, I can give up my title to that blessed hope
which will stand me in stead, at a time when millions of gold will
not purchase one happy moment of reflection on a past misspent life!
'III. I will likewise directly make over to you a purchase I lately made
in Kent, which brings in 250l. per annum, clear of all deductions. This
shall be made over to you in full property for your life, and for the
lives of any children to perpetuity, that you may happen to have: And
your father shall be immediately put into possession of it in trust for
these purposes: and the management of it will yield a comfortable
subsistence to him, and your mother, for life; and I will make up any
deficiencies, if such should happen, to that clear sum, and allow him
50l. per annum, besides, for his life, and that of your mother, for his
care and management of this your estate.
III. Your third proposal, sir, I reject for the same reason;
and am sorry you could think my poor honest parents would enter
into their part of it, and be concerned for the management of
an estate, which would be owing to the prostitution of their
poor daughter. Forgive, sir, my warmth on this occasion; but
you know not the poor man, and the poor woman, my ever-dear
father and mother, if you think, that they would not much rather
choose to starve in a ditch, or rot in a noisome dungeon, than
accept of the fortune of a monarch, upon such wicked terms.
I dare not say all that my full mind suggests to me on this
grievous occasion--But, indeed, sir, you know them not; nor
shall the terrors of death, in its most frightful form, I hope,
through God's assisting grace, ever make me act unworthy of
such poor honest parents!
'IV. I will, moreover, extend my favour to any other of your relations,
that you may think worthy of it, or that are valued by you.
IV. Your fourth proposal, I take upon me, sir, to answer as the
third. If I have any friends that want the favour of the great,
may they ever want it, if they are capable of desiring it on
unworthy terms!
'V. I will, besides, order patterns to be sent you for choosing four
complete suits of rich clothes, that you may appear with reputation, as
if you were my wife. And will give you the two diamond rings, and two
pair of ear-rings, and diamond necklace, that were bought by my mother,
to present to Miss Tomlins, if the match that was proposed between her
and me had been brought to effect: and I will confer upon you still other
gratuities, as I shall find myself obliged, by your good behaviour and
affection.
V. Fine clothes, sir, become not me; nor have I any ambition
to wear them. I have greater pride in my poverty and meanness,
than I should have in dress and finery. Believe me, sir, I think
such things less become the humble-born Pamela, than the rags
your good mother raised me from. Your rings, sir, your necklace,
and your ear-rings, will better befit ladies of degree, than me:
and to lose the best jewel, my virtue, would be poorly recompensed
by those you propose to give me. What should I think, when I
looked upon my finger, or saw in the glass those diamonds on my
neck, and in my ears, but that they were the price of my honesty;
and that I wore those jewels outwardly, because I had none inwardly.
'VI. Now, Pamela, will you see by this, what a value I set upon the
free-will of a person already in my power; and who, if these proposals
are not accepted, shall find, that I have not taken all these pains, and
risked my reputation, as I have done, without resolving to gratify my
passion for you, at all adventures; and if you refuse, without making any
terms at all.
VI. I know, sir, by woful experience, that I am in your power:
I know all the resistance I can make will be poor and weak, and,
perhaps, stand me in little stead: I dread your will to ruin me
is as great as your power: yet, sir, will I dare to tell you,
that I will make no free-will offering of my virtue. All that
I can do, poor as it is, I will do, to convince you, that your
offers shall have no part in my choice; and if I cannot escape
the violence of man, I hope, by God's grace, I shall have nothing
to reproach myself, for not doing all in my power to avoid my
disgrace; and then I can safely appeal to the great God, my only
refuge and protector, with this consolation, That my will bore no
part in my violation.
'VII. You shall be mistress of my person and fortune, as much as if the
foolish ceremony had passed. All my servants shall be yours; and you
shall choose any two persons to attend yourself, either male or female,
without any control of mine: and if your conduct be such, that I have
reason to be satisfied with it, I know not (but will not engage for this)
that I may, after a twelvemonth's cohabitation, marry you; for, if my
love increases for you, as it has done for many months past, it will be
impossible for me to deny you any thing.
'And now, Pamela, consider well, it is in your power to oblige me on such
terms, as will make yourself, and all your friends, happy: but this will
be over this very day, irrevocably over; and you shall find all you would
be thought to fear, without the least benefit arising from it to
yourself.
'And I beg you'll well weigh the matter, and comply with my proposals;
and I will instantly set about securing to you the full effect of them:
And let me, if you value yourself, experience a grateful return on this
occasion, and I'll forgive all that's past.'
VII. I have not once dared to look so high, as to such a
proposal as your seventh article contains. Hence have proceeded
all my little abortive artifices to escape from the confinement
you have put me in; although you promised to be honourable to me.
Your honour, well I know, would not let you stoop to so mean and
so unworthy a slave, as the poor Pamela: All I desire is, to be
permitted to return to my native meanness unviolated. What have
I done, sir, to deserve it should be otherwise? For the obtaining
of this, though I would not have married your chaplain, yet would
I have run away with your meanest servant, if I had thought I could
have got safe to my beloved poverty. I heard you once say, sir,
That a certain great commander, who could live upon lentils, might
well refuse the bribes of the greatest monarch: And I hope, as I
can contentedly live at the meanest rate, and think not myself
above the lowest condition, that I am also above making an exchange
of my honesty for all the riches of the Indies. When I come to be
proud and vain of gaudy apparel, and outside finery, then (which I
hope will never be) may I rest my principal good in such vain
trinkets, and despise for them the more solid ornaments of a good
fame, and a chastity inviolate!
Give me leave to say, sir, in answer to what you hint, That you may in a
twelvemonth's time marry me, on the continuance of my good behaviour;
that this weighs less with me, if possible, than any thing else you have
said: for, in the first place, there is an end of all merit, and all good
behaviour, on my side, if I have now any, the moment I consent to your
proposals: And I should be so far from expecting such an honour, that I
will pronounce, that I should be most unworthy of it. What, sir, would
the world say, were you to marry your harlot? That a gentleman of your
rank in life should stoop, not only to the base-born Pamela, but to a
base-born prostitute?--Little, sir, as I know of the world, I am not to
be caught by a bait so poorly covered as this!
Yet, after all, dreadful is the thought, that I, a poor, weak,
friendless, unhappy creature, am too full in your power! But permit me,
sir, to pray, as I now write on my bended knees, That before you resolve
upon my ruin, you will weigh well the matter. Hitherto, sir, though you
have taken large strides to this crying sin, yet are you on this side the
commission of it.--When once it is done, nothing can recall it! And
where will be your triumph?--What glory will the spoils of such a weak
enemy yield you? Let me but enjoy my poverty with honesty, is all my
prayer, and I will bless you, and pray for you, every moment of my life!
Think, O think! before it is yet too late! what stings, what remorse will
attend your dying hour, when you come to reflect, that you have ruined,
perhaps soul and body, a wretched creature, whose only pride was her
virtue! And how pleased you will be, on the contrary, if in that
tremendous moment you shall be able to acquit yourself of this foul
crime, and to plead in your own behalf, that you suffered the earnest
supplications of an unhappy wretch to prevail with you to be innocent
yourself, and let her remain so!--May God Almighty, whose mercy so lately
saved you from the peril of perishing in deep waters, (on which, I hope,
you will give me cause to congratulate you!) touch your heart in my
favour, and save you from this sin, and me from this ruin!--And to him do
I commit my cause; and to him will I give the glory, and night and day
pray for you, if I may be permitted to escape this great evil!----
Your poor oppressed, broken spirited servant.
I took a copy of this for your perusal, my dear parents, if I shall ever
be so happy to see you again; (for I hope my conduct will be approved of
by you;) and at night, when Sir Simon was gone, he sent for me down.
Well, said he, have you considered my proposals? Yes, sir, said I, I
have: and there is my answer: But pray let me not see you read it. Is it
your bashfulness, said he, or your obstinacy, that makes you not choose I
should read it before you?
I offered to go away; and he said, Don't run from me; I won't read it
till you are gone. But, said he, tell me, Pamela, whether you comply
with my proposals, or not? Sir, said I, you will see presently; pray
don't hold me; for he took my hand. Said he, Did you well consider
before you answered?--I did, sir, said I. If it be not what you think
will please me, said he, dear girl, take it back again, and reconsider
it; for if I have this as your absolute answer, and I don't like it, you
are undone; for I will not sue meanly, where I can command. I fear, said
he, it is not what I like, by your manner: and let me tell you, that I
cannot bear denial. If the terms I have offered are not sufficient, I
will augment them to two-thirds of my estate; for, said he, and swore a
dreadful oath, I cannot live without you: and, since the thing is gone so
far, I will not! And so he clasped me in his arms in such a manner as
quite frightened me; and kissed me two or three times.
I got from him, and run up stairs, and went to the closet, and was quite
uneasy and fearful.
In an hour's time he called Mrs. Jewkes down to him! And I heard him
very high in passion: and all about me! And I heard her say, It was his
own fault; there would be an end of all my complaining and perverseness,
if he was once resolved; and other most impudent aggravations. I am
resolved not to go to bed this night, if I can help it!--Lie still, lie
still, my poor fluttering heart!--What will become of me!
Almost twelve o'clock, Saturday night.
He sent Mrs. Jewkes, about ten o'clock, to tell me to come to him.
Where? said I. I'll shew you, said she. I went down three or four
steps, and saw her making to his chamber, the door of which was open: So
I said, I cannot go there!--Don't be foolish, said she; but come; no harm
will be done to you!--Well, said I, if I die, I cannot go there. I heard
him say, Let her come, or it shall be worse for her. I can't bear, said
he, to speak to her myself!--Well, said I, I cannot come, indeed I
cannot; and so I went up again into my closet, expecting to be fetched by
force.
But she came up soon after, and bid me make haste to bed: Said I, I will
not go to bed this night, that's certain!--Then, said she, you shall be
made to come to bed; and Nan and I will undress you. I knew neither
prayers nor tears would move this wicked woman: So I said, I am sure you
will let master in, and I shall be undone! Mighty piece of undone! she
said: but he was too much exasperated against me, to be so familiar with
me, she would assure me!--Ay, said she, you'll be disposed of another way
soon, I can tell you for your comfort: and I hope your husband will have
your obedience, though nobody else can have it. No husband in the world,
said I, shall make me do an unjust or base thing.--She said, That would
be soon tried; and Nan coming in, What! said I, am I to have two bed-
fellows again, these warm nights? Yes, said she, slippery-one, you are,
till you can have one good one instead of us. Said I, Mrs. Jewkes, don't
talk nastily to me: I see you are beginning again; and I shall affront
you, may be; for next to bad actions, are bad words; for they could not
be spoken, if they were not in the heart.--Come to bed, purity! said she.
You are a nonsuch, I suppose. Indeed, said I, I can't come to bed; and
it will do you no harm to let me stay all night in the great chair. Nan,
said she, undress my young lady. If she won't let you, I'll help you;
and, if neither of us can do it quietly, we'll call my master to do it
for us; though, said she, I think it an office worthier of Monsieur
Colbrand!--You are very wicked, said I. I know it, said she; I am a
Jezebel, and a London prostitute, you know. You did great feats, said I,
to tell my master all this poor stuff; but you did not tell him how you
beat me. No, lambkin, said she, (a word I had not heard a good while,)
that I left for you to tell and you was going to do it if the vulture had
not taken the wolf's part, and bid the poor innocent lamb be silent!--Ay,
said I, no matter for your fleers, Mrs. Jewkes; though I can have neither
justice nor mercy here, and cannot be heard in my defence, yet a time
will come, may be, when I shall be heard, and when your own guilt will
strike you dumb.--Ay! spirit, said she; and the vulture too! Must we
both be dumb? Why that, lambkin, will be pretty!--Then, said the wicked
one, you'll have all the talk to yourself!--Then how will the tongue of
the pretty lambkin bleat out innocence, and virtue, and honesty, till the
whole trial be at an end!--You're a wicked woman, that's certain, said I;
and if you thought any thing of another world, could not talk thus. But
no wonder!--It shews what hands I'm got into!--Ay, so it does, said she;
but I beg you'll undress, and come to bed, or I believe your innocence
won't keep you from still worse hands. I will come to bed, said I, if
you will let me have the keys in my own hand; not else, if I can help it.
Yes, said she, and then, hey for another contrivance, another escape!--
No, no, said I, all my contrivances are over, I'll assure you! Pray let
me have the keys, and I will come to bed. She came to me, and took me in
her huge arms, as if I was a feather: Said she, I do this to shew you
what a poor resistance you can make against me, if I please to exert
myself; and so, lambkin, don't say to your wolf, I won't come to bed!--
And set me down, and tapped me on the neck: Ah! said she, thou art a
pretty creature, 'tis true; but so obstinate! so full of spirit! if thy
strength was but answerable to that, thou would'st run away with us all,
and this great house too on thy back!--But, undress, undress, I tell you.
Well, said I, I see my misfortunes make you very merry, and very witty
too: but I will love you, if you will humour me with the keys of the
chamber-doors.--Are you sure you will love me? said she: Now speak your
conscience!--Why, said I, you must not put it so close; neither would
you, if you thought you had not given reason to doubt it!--But I will
love you as well as I can!--I would not tell a wilful lie: and if I did,
you would not believe me, after your hard usage of me. Well, said she,
that's all fair, I own!--But Nan, pray pull off my young lady's shoes and
stockings.--No, pray don't, said I; I will come to bed presently, since I
must.
And so I went to the closet, and scribbled a little about this idle chit-
chat. And she being importunate, I was forced to go to bed; but with
some of my clothes on, as the former night; and she let me hold the two
keys; for there are two locks, there being a double door; and so I got a
little sleep that night, having had none for two or three nights before.
I can't imagine what she means; but Nan offered to talk a little once or
twice; and she snubbed her, and said, I charge you, wench, don't open
your lips before me; and if you are asked any questions by Mrs. Pamela,
don't answer her one word, while I am here!--But she is a lordly woman to
the maid-servants; and that has always been her character: O how unlike
good Mrs. Jervis in every thing.
Sunday morning.
A thought came into my head; I meant no harm; but it was a little bold.
For, seeing my master dressing to go to church; and his chariot getting
ready, I went to my closet, and I writ,
The prayers of this congregation are earnestly desired for a
gentleman of great worth and honour, who labours under a temptation
to exert his great power to ruin a poor, distressed, worthless
maiden:
And also,
The prayers of this congregation are earnestly desired by a poor
distressed creature, for the preservation of her virtue and
innocence.
Mrs. Jewkes came up: Always writing! said she; and would see it: And
strait, all that ever I could say, carried it down to my master.--He
looked upon it, and said, Tell her, she shall soon see how her prayers
are answered; she is very bold: but as she has rejected all my favours,
her reckoning for all is not far off. I looked after him out of the
window; and he was charmingly dressed: To be sure he is a handsome fine
gentleman!--What pity his heart is not as good as his appearance! Why
can't I hate him?--But don't be uneasy, if you should see this; for it is
impossible I should love him; for his vices all ugly him over, as I may
say.
My master sends word, that he shall not come home to dinner: I suppose he
dines with this Sir Simon Darnford. I am much concerned for poor Mr.
Williams. Mrs. Jewkes says, he is confined still, and takes on much.
All his trouble is brought upon him for my sake: This grieves me much.
My master, it seems, will have his money from him. This is very hard;
for it is three fifty pounds, he gave him, as he thought, as a salary for
three years that he has been with him: but there was no agreement between
them; and he absolutely depended on my master's favour. To be sure, it
was the more generous of him to run these risks for the sake of oppressed
innocence: and I hope he will meet with his reward in due time. Alas for
me! I dare not plead for him; that would raise my oppressor's jealousy
more. And I have not interest to save myself!
Sunday evening.
Mrs. Jewkes has received a line from my master: I wonder what it is, for
his chariot is come home without him. But she will tell me nothing; so
it is in vain to ask her. I am so fearful of plots and tricks, I know
not what to do!--Every thing I suspect; for, now my disgrace is avowed,
what can I think!--To be sure, the worst will be attempted! I can only
pour out my soul in prayer to God, for his blessed protection. But, if I
must suffer, let me not be long a mournful survivor!--Only let me not
shorten my own time sinfully!----
This woman left upon the table, in the chamber, this letter of my
master's to her; and I bolted myself in, till I had transcribed it.
You'll see how tremblingly, by the lines. I wish poor Mr. Williams's
release at any rate; but this letter makes my heart ache. Yet I have
another day's reprieve, thank God!
'MRS. JEWKES,
'I have been so pressed on Williams's affair, that I shall set out this
afternoon, in Sir Simon's chariot, and with Parson Peters, who is his
intercessor, for Stamford; and shall not be back till to-morrow evening,
if then. As to your ward, I am thoroughly incensed against her: She has
withstood her time; and now, would she sign and seal to my articles, it
is too late. I shall discover something, perhaps, by him; and will, on
my return, let her know, that all her ensnaring loveliness shall not save
her from the fate that awaits her. But let her know nothing of this,
lest it put her fruitful mind upon plots and artifices. Be sure trust
her not without another with you at night, lest she venture the window in
her foolish rashness: for I shall require her at your hands.
'Yours, etc.'
I had but just finished taking a copy of this, and laid the letter where
I had it, and unbolted the door, when she came up in a great fright, for
fear I should have seen it; but I being in my closet, and that lying as
she left it, she did not mistrust. O, said she, I was afraid you had
seen my master's letter here, which I carelessly left on the table. I
wish, said I, I had known that. Why sure, said she, if you had, you
would not have offered to read my letters! Indeed, said I, I should, at
this time, if it had been in my way:--Do let me see it.--Well, said she,
I wish poor Mr. Williams well off: I understand my master is gone to make
up matters with him; which is very good. To be sure, added she, he is a
very good gentleman, and very forgiving!--Why, said I, as if I had known
nothing of the matter, how can he make up matters with him? Is not Mr.
Williams at Stamford? Yes, said she, I believe so; but Parson Peters
pleads for him, and he is gone with him to Stamford, and will not be back
to-night: so we have nothing to do, but to eat our suppers betimes, and
go to bed. Ay, that's pure, said I; and I shall have good rest this
night, I hope. So, said she, you might every night, but for your own
idle fears. You are afraid of your friends, when none are near you. Ay,
that's true, said I; for I have not one near me.
So I have one more good honest night before me: What the next may be I
know not, and so I'll try to take in a good deal of sleep, while I can be
a little easy. Therefore, here I say, Good night, my dear parents; for I
have no more to write about this night: and though his letter shocks me,
yet I will be as brisk as I can, that she mayn't suspect I have seen it.
Tuesday night.
For the future, I will always mistrust most when appearances look
fairest. O your poor daughter! what has she not suffered since what I
wrote on Sunday night!--My worst trial, and my fearfullest danger! O how
I shudder to write you an account of this wicked interval of time! For,
my dear parents, will you not be too much frightened and affected with my
distress, when I tell you, that his journey to Stamford was all
abominable pretence! for he came home privately, and had well nigh
effected all his vile purposes, and the ruin of your poor daughter! and
that by such a plot as I was not in the least apprehensive of: And, oh!
you'll hear what a vile and unwomanly part that wicked wretch, Mrs.
Jewkes, acted in it!
I left off with letting you know how much I was pleased that I had one
night's reprieve added to my honesty. But I had less occasion to rejoice
than ever, as you will judge by what I have said already. Take, then,
the dreadful story, as well as I can relate it.
The maid Nan is a little apt to drink, if she can get at liquor; and Mrs.
Jewkes happened, or designed, as is too probable, to leave a bottle of
cherry-brandy in her way, and the wench drank some of it more than she
should; and when she came in to lay the cloth, Mrs. Jewkes perceived it,
and fell a rating at her most sadly; for she has too many faults of her
own, to suffer any of the like sort in any body else, if she can help it;
and she bid her get out of her sight, when we had supped, and go to bed,
to sleep off her liquor, before we came to bed. And so the poor maid
went muttering up stairs.
About two hours after, which was near eleven o'clock, Mrs. Jewkes and I
went up to go to bed; I pleasing myself with what a charming night I
should have. We locked both doors, and saw poor Nan, as I thought, (but,
oh! 'twas my abominable master, as you shall hear by and by,) sitting
fast asleep, in an elbow-chair, in a dark corner of the room, with her
apron thrown over her head and neck. And Mrs. Jewkes said, There is that
beast of a wench fast asleep, instead of being a-bed! I knew, said she,
she had taken a fine dose. I'll wake her, said I. No, don't, said she;
let her sleep on; we shall he better without her. Ay, said I, so we
shall; but won't she get cold?
Said she, I hope you have no writing to-night. No, replied I, I will go
to bed with you, Mrs. Jewkes. Said she, I wonder what you can find to
write about so much! and am sure you have better conveniences of that
kind, and more paper than I am aware of; and I had intended to rummage
you, if my master had not come down; for I spied a broken tea-cup with
ink, which gave me suspicion: but as he is come, let him look after you,
if he will; and if you deceive him, it will be his own fault.
All this time we were undressing ourselves: And I fetched a deep sigh!
What do you sigh for? said she. I am thinking, Mrs. Jewkes, answered I,
what a sad life I live, and how hard is my lot. I am sure, the thief
that has robbed is much better off than I, 'bating the guilt; and I
should, I think, take it for a mercy, to be hanged out of the way, rather
than live in these cruel apprehensions. So, being not sleepy, and in a
prattling vein, I began to give a little history of myself, as I did,
once before, to Mrs. Jervis; in this manner:
Here, said I, were my poor honest parents; they took care to instill good
principles into my mind, till I was almost twelve years of age; and
taught me to prefer goodness and poverty to the highest condition of
life; and they confirmed their lessons by their own practice; for they
were, of late years, remarkably poor, and always as remarkably honest,
even to a proverb: for, As honest as goodman ANDREWS, was a byeword.
Well then, said I, comes my late dear good lady, and takes a fancy to me,
and said, she would be the making of me, if I was a good girl; and she
put me to sing, to dance, to play on the spinnet, in order to divert her
melancholy hours; and also taught me all manner of fine needle-work; but
still this was her lesson, My good Pamela, be virtuous, and keep the men
at a distance. Well, so I was, I hope, and so I did; and yet, though I
say it, they all loved me and respected me; and would do any thing for
me, as if I was a gentlewoman.
But, then, what comes next?--Why, it pleased God to take my good lady:
and then comes my master: And what says he?--Why, in effect, it is, Be
not virtuous, Pamela.
So here I have lived about sixteen years in virtue and reputation; and
all at once, when I come to know what is good, and what is evil, I must
renounce all the good, all the whole sixteen years' innocence, which,
next to God's grace, I owed chiefly to my parents, and my lady's good
lessons and examples, and choose the evil; and so, in a moment's time,
become the vilest of creatures! And all this, for what, I pray? Why,
truly, for a pair of diamond ear-rings, a necklace, and a diamond ring
for my finger; which would not become me: For a few paltry fine clothes,
which, when I wore them, would make but my former poverty more ridiculous
to every body that saw me; especially when they knew the base terms I
wore them upon. But, indeed, I was to have a great parcel of guineas
beside; I forget how many; for, had there been ten times more, they would
have been not so much to me, as the honest six guineas you tricked me out
of, Mrs. Jewkes.
Well, forsooth! but then I was to have I know not how many pounds a year
for my life; and my poor father (there was the jest of it!) was to be the
manager for the abandoned prostitute his daughter: And then, (there was
the jest again!) my kind, forgiving, virtuous master, would pardon me all
my misdeeds!
Yes, thank him for nothing, truly. And what, pray, are all these violent
misdeeds?--Why, they are for daring to adhere to the good lessons that
were taught me; and not learning a new one, that would have reversed all
my former: For not being contented when I was run away with, in order to
be ruined; but contriving, if my poor wits had been able, to get out of
danger, and preserve myself honest.
Then was he once jealous of poor John, though he knew John was his own
creature, and helped to deceive me.
Then was he outrageous against poor Parson Williams! and him has this
good, merciful master, thrown into gaol; and for what? Why, truly, for
that, being a divine, and a good man, he had the fear of God before his
eyes, and was willing to forego all his expectations of interest, and
assist an oppressed poor creature.
But, to be sure, I must be forward, bold, saucy, and what not! to dare to
run away from certain ruin, and to strive to escape from an unjust
confinement; and I must be married to the parson, nothing so sure!
He would have had but a poor catch of me, had I consented: But he, and
you too, know I did not want to marry any body. I only wanted to go to
my poor parents, and to have my own liberty, and not to be confined by
such an unlawful restraint; and which would not have been inflicted upon
me, but only that I am a poor, destitute, young body, and have no friend
that is able to right me.
So, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, here is my history in brief. And I am a very
unhappy young creature, to be sure!--And why am I so?--Why, because my
master sees something in my person that takes his present fancy; and
because I would not be undone.--Why, therefore to choose, I must, and I
shall be undone!--And this is all the reason that can be given!
She heard me run on all this time, while I was undressing, without any
interruption; and I said, Well, I must go to the two closets, ever since
an affair of the closet at the other house, though he is so far off. And
I have a good mind to wake this poor maid. No, don't, said she, I charge
you. I am very angry with her, and she'll get no harm there; and if she
wakes, she may come to bed well enough, as long as there is a candle in
the chimney.
So I looked into the closet, and kneeled down in my own, as I used to do,
to say my prayers, and this with my underclothes in my hand, all
undressed; and passed by the poor sleeping wench, as I thought, in my
return. But, oh! little did I think it was my wicked, wicked master, in
a gown and petticoat of hers, and her apron over his face and shoulders.
What meanness will not Lucifer make his votaries stoop to, to gain their
abominable ends!
Mrs. Jewkes, by this time, was got to bed, on the farther side, as she
used to be; and, to make room for the maid, when she should awake, I got
into bed, and lay close to her. And I said, Where are the keys? though,
said I, I am not so much afraid to-night. Here, said the wicked woman,
put your arm under mine, and you shall find them about my wrist, as they
used to be. So I did, and the abominable designer held my hand with her
right-hand, as my right-arm was under her left.
In less than a quarter of an hour, I said, There's poor Nan awake; I hear
her stir. Let us go to sleep, said she, and not mind her: she'll come to
bed, when she's quite awake. Poor soul! said I, I'll warrant she will
have the head-ache finely to-morrow for this! Be silent, said she, and
go to sleep; you keep me awake; and I never found you in so talkative a
humour in my life. Don't chide me, said I; I will but say one thing
more: Do you think Nan could hear me talk of my master's offers? No, no,
said she; she was dead asleep. I'm glad of that, said I; because I would
not expose my master to his common servants; and I knew you were no
stranger to his fine articles. Said she, I think they were fine
articles, and you were bewitched you did not close with them: But let us
go to sleep. So I was silent; and the pretended Nan (O wicked, base,
villanous designer! what a plot, what an unexpected plot was this!)
seemed to be awaking; and Mrs. Jewkes, abhorrent creature! said, Come,
Nan!--what, are you awake at last?--Pr'ythee come to bed; for Mrs. Pamela
is in a talking fit, and won't go to sleep one while.
At that, the pretended she came to the bed side; and, sitting down in a
chair, where the curtain hid her, began to undress. Said I, Poor Mrs.
Anne, I warrant your head aches most sadly! How do you do?
Says he, One word with you, Pamela; one word hear me but; I must say one
word to you, it is this: You see now you are in my power!--You cannot get
from me, nor help yourself: Yet have I not offered any thing amiss to
you. But if you resolve not to comply with my proposals, I will not lose
this opportunity: If you do, I will yet leave you.
O sir, said I, leave me, leave me but, and I will do any thing I ought to
do.--Swear then to me, said he, that you will accept my proposals! With
struggling, fright, terror, I fainted away quite, and did not come to
myself soon, so that they both, from the cold sweats that I was in,
thought me dying.--And I remember no more, than that, when with great
difficulty they brought me to myself, she was sitting on one side of the
bed, with her clothes on; and he on the other with his, and in his gown
and slippers.
Your poor Pamela cannot answer for the liberties taken with her in her
deplorable state of death. And when I saw them there, I sat up in my
bed, without any regard to what appearance I made, and nothing about my
neck; and he soothing me, with an aspect of pity and concern, I put my
hand to his mouth, and said, O tell me, yet tell me not, what have I
suffered in this distress? And I talked quite wild, and knew not what:
for, to be sure, I was on the point of distraction.
He most solemnly, and with a bitter imprecation, vowed, that he had not
offered the least indecency; that he was frightened at the terrible
manner I was taken with the fit: that he should desist from his attempt;
and begged but to see me easy and quiet, and he would leave me directly,
and go to his own bed. O then, said I, take with you this most wicked
woman, this vile Mrs. Jewkes, as an earnest, that I may believe you!
And will you, sir, said the wicked wretch, for a fit or two, give up such
an opportunity as this?--I thought you had known the sex better. She is
now, you see, quite well again!
This I heard; more she might say; but I fainted away once more, at these
words, and at his clasping his arms about me again. And, when I came a
little to myself, I saw him sit there, and the maid Nan, holding a
smelling-bottle to my nose, and no Mrs. Jewkes.
He said, taking my hand, Now will I vow to you, my dear Pamela, that I
will leave you the moment I see you better, and pacified. Here's Nan
knows, and will tell you, my concern for you. I vow to God, I have not
offered any indecency to you: and, since I found Mrs. Jewkes so offensive
to you, I have sent her to the maid's bed, and the maid shall be with you
to-night. And but promise me, that you will compose yourself, and I will
leave you. But, said I, will not Nan also hold my hand? And will not
she let you come in again to me?--He said, By heaven! I will not come in
again to-night. Nan, undress yourself, go to bed, and do all you can to
comfort the dear creature: And now, Pamela, said he, give me but your
hand, and say you forgive me, and I will leave you to your repose. I
held out my trembling hand, which he vouchsafed to kiss; and I said, God
forgive you, sir, as you have been just in my distress; and as you will
be just to what you promise! And he withdrew, with a countenance of
remorse, as I hoped; and she shut the doors, and, at my request, brought
the keys to bed.
This, O my dear parents! was a most dreadful trial. I tremble still to
think of it; and dare not recall all the horrid circumstances of it. I
hope, as he assures me, he was not guilty of indecency; but have reason
to bless God, who, by disabling me in my faculties, empowered me to
preserve my innocence; and, when all my strength would have signified
nothing, magnified himself in my weakness.
I was so weak all day on Monday, that I could not get out of my bed. My
master shewed great tenderness for me; and I hope he is really sorry, and
that this will be his last attempt; but he does not say so neither.
He came in the morning, as soon as he heard the door open and I began to
be fearful. He stopped short of the bed, and said, Rather than give you
apprehensions, I will come no farther. I said, Your honour, sir, and
your mercy, is all I have to beg. He sat himself on the side of the bed,
and asked kindly, how I did?--begged me to be composed; said, I still
looked a little wildly. And I said, Pray, good sir, let me not see this
infamous Mrs. Jewkes; I doubt I cannot bear her sight. She shan't come
near you all this day, if you'll promise to compose yourself. Then, sir,
I will try. He pressed my hand very tenderly, and went out. What a
change does this shew!--O may it be lasting!--But, alas! he seems only to
have altered his method of proceeding; and retains, I doubt, his wicked
purpose.
On Tuesday, about ten o'clock, when my master heard I was up, he sent for
me down into the parlour. As soon as he saw me, he said, Come nearer to
me, Pamela. I did so, and he took my hand, and said, You begin to look
well again: I am glad of it. You little slut, how did you frighten me on
Sunday night.
Sir, said I, pray name not that night; and my eyes overflowed at the
remembrance, and I turned my head aside.
Said he, Place some little confidence in me: I know what those charming
eyes mean, and you shall not need to explain yourself: for I do assure
you, that as soon as I saw you change, and a cold sweat bedew your pretty
face, and you fainted away, I quitted the bed, and Mrs. Jewkes did so
too. And I put on my gown, and she fetched her smelling-bottle, and we
both did all we could to restore you; and my passion for you was all
swallowed up in the concern I had for your recovery; for I thought I
never saw a fit so strong and violent in my life: and feared we should
not bring you to life again; for what I saw you in once before was
nothing to it. This, said he, might be my folly, and my unacquaintedness
with what passion your sex can shew when they are in earnest. But this I
repeat to you, that your mind may be entirely comforted--Whatever I
offered to you, was before you fainted away, and that, I am sure, was
innocent.
Sir, said I, that was very bad: and it was too plain you had the worst
designs. When, said he, I tell you the truth in one instance, you may
believe me in the other. I know not, I declare, beyond this lovely
bosom, your sex: but that I did intend what you call the worst is most
certain: and though I would not too much alarm you now, I could curse my
weakness, and my folly, which makes me own, that I love you beyond all
your sex, and cannot live without you. But if I am master of myself, and
my own resolution, I will not attempt to force you to any thing again.
Sir, said I, you may easily keep your resolution, if you'll send me out
of your way, to my poor parents; that is all I beg.
'Tis a folly to talk of it, said he. You must not, shall not go! And if
I could be assured you would not attempt it, you should have better
usage, and your confinement should be made easier to you.
But to what end, sir, am I to stay? said I: You yourself seem not sure
you can keep your own present good resolutions; and do you think, if I
was to stay, when I could get away, and be safe, it would not look, as if
either I confided too much in my own strength, or would tempt my ruin?
And as if I was not in earnest to wish myself safe, and out of danger?--
And then, how long am I to stay? And to what purpose? And in what light
must I appear to the world? Would not that censure me, although I might
be innocent? And you will allow, sir, that, if there be any thing
valuable or exemplary in a good name, or fair reputation, one must not
despise the world's censure, if one can avoid it.
Well, said he, I sent not for you on this account, just now; but for two
reasons. The first is, That you promise me, that for a fortnight to come
you will not offer to go away without my express consent; and this I
expect for your own sake, that I may give you a little more liberty. And
the second is, That you will see and forgive Mrs. Jewkes: she takes on
much, and thinks that, as all her fault was her obedience to me, it would
be very hard to sacrifice her, as she calls it, to your resentment.
As to the first, sir, said I, it is a hard injunction, for the reasons I
have mentioned. And as to the second, considering her vile, unwomanly
wickedness, and her endeavours to instigate you more to ruin me, when
your returning goodness seemed to have some compassion upon me, it is
still harder. But, to shew my obedience to your commands, (for you know,
my dear parents, I might as well make a merit of my compliance, when my
refusal would stand me in no stead,) I will consent to both; and to every
thing else, that you shall be pleased to enjoin, which I can do, with
innocence.
That's my good girl! said he, and kissed me: This is quite prudent, and
shews me, that you don't take insolent advantage of my favour for you;
and will, perhaps, stand you in more stead than you are aware of.
So he rung the bell, and said, Call down Mrs. Jewkes. She came down, and
he took my hand, and put it into hers; and said, Mrs. Jewkes, I am
obliged to you for all your diligence and fidelity to me; but Pamela, I
must own, is not; because the service I employed you in was not so very
obliging to her, as I could have wished she would have thought it: and
you were not to favour her, but obey me. But yet I'll assure you, at the
very first word, she has once obliged me, by consenting to be friends
with you; and if she gives me no great cause, I shall not, perhaps, put
you on such disagreeable service again.--Now, therefore, be you once more
bed-fellows and board-fellows, as I may say, for some days longer; and
see that Pamela sends no letters nor messages out of the house, nor keeps
a correspondence unknown to me, especially with that Williams; and, as
for the rest, shew the dear girl all the respect that is due to one I
must love, if she will deserve it, as I hope she will yet; and let her be
under no unnecessary or harsh restraints. But your watchful care is not,
however, to cease: and remember that you are not to disoblige me, to
oblige her; and that I will not, cannot, yet part with her.
Mrs. Jewkes looked very sullen, and as if she would be glad still to do
me a good turn, if it lay in her power.
I took courage then to drop a word or two for poor Mr. Williams; but he
was angry with me for it, and said he could not endure to hear his name
in my mouth; so I was forced to have done for that time.
All this time, my papers, that I buried under the rose-bush, lay there
still; and I begged for leave to send a letter to you. So I should, he
said, if he might read it first. But this did not answer my design; and
yet I would have sent you such a letter as he might see, if I had been
sure my danger was over. But that I cannot; for he now seems to take
another method, and what I am more afraid of, because, may be, he may
watch an opportunity, and join force with it, on occasion, when I am
least prepared: for now he seems to abound with kindness, and talks of
love without reserve, and makes nothing of allowing himself in the
liberty of kissing me, which he calls innocent; but which I do not like,
and especially in the manner he does it: but for a master to do it at all
to a servant, has meaning too much in it, not to alarm an honest body.
Wednesday morning.
I find I am watched and suspected still very close; and I wish I was with
you; but that must not be, it seems, this fortnight. I don't like this
fortnight; and it will be a tedious and a dangerous one to me, I doubt.
My master just now sent for me down to take a walk with him in the
garden: but I like him not at all, nor his ways; for he would have, all
the way, his arm about my waist, and said abundance of fond things to me,
enough to make me proud, if his design had not been apparent. After
walking about, he led me into a little alcove, on the farther part of the
garden; and really made me afraid of myself, for he began to be very
teasing, and made me sit on his knee; and was so often kissing me, that I
said, Sir, I don't like to be here at all, I assure you. Indeed you make
me afraid!--And what made me the more so, was what he once said to Mrs.
Jewkes, and did not think I heard him, and which, though always uppermost
with me, I did not mention before, because I did not know how to bring it
in, in my writing.
She, I suppose, had been encouraging him in his wickedness; for it was
before the last dreadful trial: and I only heard what he answered.
Said he, I will try once more; but I have begun wrong for I see terror
does but add to her frost; but she is a charming girl, and may be thawed
by kindness; and I should have melted her by love, instead of freezing
her by fear.
Is he not a wicked, sad man for this?--To be sure, I blush while I write
it. But I trust, that that God, who has delivered me from the paw of the
lion and the bear; that is, his and Mrs. Jewkes's violences, will soon
deliver me from this Philistine, that I may not defy the commands of the
living God!
But, as I was saying, this expression coming into my thoughts, I was of
opinion, I could not be too much on my guard, at all times: more
especially when he took such liberties: for he professed honour all the
time with his mouth, while his actions did not correspond. I begged and
prayed he would let me go: and had I not appeared quite regardless of all
he said, and resolved not to stay, if I could help it, I know not how far
he would have proceeded; for I was forced to fall down upon my knees.
At last he walked out with me, still bragging of his honour and his love.
Yes, yes, sir, said I, your honour is to destroy mine: and your love is
to ruin me; I see it too plainly. But, indeed, I will not talk with you,
sir, said I, any more. Do you know, said he, whom you talk to, and where
you are?
You may believe I had reason to think him not so decent as he should be;
for I said, As to where I am, sir, I know it too well; and that I have no
creature to befriend me: and, as to whom I talk to, sir, let me ask you,
What you would have me answer?
Why, tell me, said he, what answer you would make? It will only make you
angry, said I; and so I shall fare worse, if possible. I won't be angry,
said he. Why, then, sir, said I, you cannot be my late good lady's son;
for she loved me, and taught me virtue. You cannot then be my master;
for no master demeans himself so to his poor servant.
He put his arm round me, and his other hand on my neck, which made me
more angry and bold: and he said, What then am I? Why, said I,
(struggling from him, and in a great passion,) to be sure you are Lucifer
himself, in the shape of my master, or you could not use me thus. These
are too great liberties, said he, in anger; and I desire that you will
not repeat them, for your own sake: For if you have no decency towards
me, I'll have none towards you.
I was running from him, and he said, Come back, when I bid you.--So,
knowing every place was alike dangerous to me, and I had nobody to run
to, I came back, at his call; and seeing him look displeased, I held my
hands together, and wept, and said, Pray, sir, forgive me. No, said he,
rather say, Pray, Lucifer, forgive me! And, now, since you take me for
the devil, how can you expect any good from me?--How, rather, can you
expect any thing but the worst treatment from me?--You have given me a
character, Pamela; and blame me not that I act up to it. Sir, said I,
let me beg you to forgive me: I am really sorry for my boldness; but
indeed you don't use me like a gentleman: and how can I express my
resentment, if I mince the matter, while you are so indecent? Precise
fool! said he, what indecencies have I offered you?--I was bewitched I
had not gone through my purpose last Sunday night; and then your
licentious tongue had not given the worst name to little puny freedoms,
that shew my love and my folly at the same time. But, begone! said he,
taking my hand, and tossing it from him, and learn another conduct and
more wit; and I will lay aside my foolish regard for you, and assert
myself. Begone! said he, again, with a haughty air.
Indeed, sir, said I, I cannot go, till you pardon me, which I beg on my
bended knees. I am truly sorry for my boldness.--But I see how you go
on: you creep by little and little upon me; and now soothe me, and now
threaten me; and if I should forbear to shew my resentment, when you
offer incivilities to me, would not that be to be lost by degrees? Would
it not shew, that I could bear any thing from you, if I did not express
all the indignation I could express, at the first approaches you make to
what I dread? And have you not as good as avowed my ruin?--And have you
once made me hope you will quit your purposes against me? How then, sir,
can I act, but by shewing my abhorrence of every step that makes towards
my undoing? And what is left me but words?--And can these words be other
than such strong ones, as shall shew the detestation which, from the
bottom of my heart, I have for every attempt upon my virtue? Judge for
me, sir, and pardon me.
Pardon you! said he, What! when you don't repent?--When you have the
boldness to justify yourself in your fault? Why don't you say, you never
will again offend me? I will endeavour, sir, said I, always to preserve
that decency towards you which becomes me. But really, sir, I must beg
your excuse for saying, That when you forget what belongs to decency in
your actions, and when words are all that are left me, to shew my
resentment of such actions, I will not promise to forbear the strongest
expressions that my distressed mind shall suggest to me: nor shall your
angriest frowns deter me, when my honesty is in question.
What, then, said he, do you beg pardon for? Where is the promise of
amendment, for which I should forgive you? Indeed, sir, said I, I own
that must absolutely depend on your usage of me: for I will bear any
thing you can inflict upon me with patience, even to the laying down of
my life, to shew my obedience to you in other cases; but I cannot be
patient, I cannot be passive, when my virtue is at stake! It would be
criminal in me, if I was.
He said, he never saw such a fool in his life. And he walked by the side
of me some yards, without saying a word, and seemed vexed; and at last
walked in, bidding me attend him in the garden, after dinner. So having
a little time, I went up, and wrote thus far.
Wednesday night.
If, my dear parents, I am not destined more surely than ever for ruin, I
have now more comfort before me than ever I yet knew: and am either
nearer my happiness, or my misery, than ever I was. God protect me from
the latter, if it be his blessed will! I have now such a scene to open
to you, that, I know, will alarm both your hopes and your fears, as it
does mine. And this it is:
After my master had dined, he took a turn into the stables, to look at
his stud of horses; and, when he came in, he opened the parlour-door,
where Mrs. Jewkes and I sat at dinner; and, at his entrance, we both rose
up; but he said, Sit still, sit still, and let me see how you eat your
victuals, Pamela. O, said Mrs. Jewkes, very poorly, indeed, sir! No,
said I, pretty well, sir, considering. None of your considerings, said
he, pretty face; and tapped me on the cheek. I blushed, but was glad he
was so good-humoured; but I could not tell how to sit before him, nor to
behave myself. So he said, I know, Pamela, you are a nice carver: my
mother used to say so. My lady, sir, said I, was very good to me in
every thing, and would always make me do the honours of her table for
her, when she was with her few select friends that she loved. Cut up,
said he, that chicken. I did so. Now, said he, and took a knife and
fork, and put a wing upon my plate, let me see you eat that. O sir, said
I, I have eaten a whole breast of a chicken already, and cannot eat so
much. But he said, I must eat it for his sake, and he would teach me to
eat heartily: So I did eat it; but was much confused at his so kind and
unusual freedom and condescension. And, good lack! you can't imagine how
Mrs. Jewkes looked and stared, and how respectful she seemed to me, and
called me good madam, I'll assure you, urging me to take a little bit of
tart.
My master took two or three turns about the room, musing and thoughtful,
as I had never before seen him; and at last he went out, saying, I am
going into the garden: You know, Pamela, what I said to you before
dinner. I rose, and courtesied, saying, I would attend his honour; and
he said, Do, good girl!
Well, said Mrs. Jewkes, I see how things will go. O, madam, as she
called me again, I am sure you are to be our mistress! And then I know
what will become of me. Ah Mrs. Jewkes, said I, if I can but keep myself
virtuous, 'tis the most of my ambition; and I hope, no temptation shall
make me otherwise.
Notwithstanding I had no reason to be pleased with his treatment of me
before dinner, yet I made haste to attend him; and I found him walking by
the side of that pond, which, for want of grace, and through a sinful
despondence, had like to have been so fatal to me, and the sight of
which, ever since, has been a trouble and reproach to me. And it was by
the side of this pond, and not far from the place where I had that
dreaded conflict, that my present hopes, if I am not to be deceived
again, began to dawn: which I presume to flatter myself with being a
happy omen for me, as if God Almighty would shew your poor sinful
daughter, how well I did to put my affiance in his goodness, and not to
throw away myself, because my ruin seemed inevitable, to my short-sighted
apprehension.
So he was pleased to say, Well, Pamela, I am glad you are come of your
own accord, as I may say: give me your hand. I did so; and he looked at
me very steadily, and pressing my hand all the time, at last said, I will
now talk to you in a serious manner.
You have a good deal of wit, a great deal of penetration, much beyond
your years, and, as I thought, your opportunities. You are possessed of
an open, frank, and generous mind; and a person so lovely, that you excel
all your sex, in my eyes. All these accomplishments have engaged my
affection so deeply, that, as I have often said, I cannot live without
you; and I would divide, with all my soul, my estate with you, to make
you mine upon my own terms. These you have absolutely rejected; and
that, though in saucy terms enough, yet in such a manner as makes me
admire you the more. Your pretty chit-chat to Mrs. Jewkes, the last
Sunday night, so innocent, and so full of beautiful simplicity, half
disarmed my resolution before I approached your bed: And I see you so
watchful over your virtue, that though I hoped to find it otherwise, I
cannot but confess my passion for you is increased by it. But now, what
shall I say farther, Pamela?--I will make you, though a party, my adviser
in this matter, though not, perhaps, my definitive judge.
You know I am not a very abandoned profligate; I have hitherto been
guilty of no very enormous or vile actions. This of seizing you, and
confining you thus, may perhaps be one of the worst, at least to persons
of real innocence. Had I been utterly given up to my passions, I should
before now have gratified them, and not have shewn that remorse and
compassion for you, which have reprieved you, more than once, when
absolutely in my power; and you are as inviolate a virgin as you were
when you came into my house.
But what can I do? Consider the pride of my condition. I cannot endure
the thought of marriage, even with a person of equal or superior degree
to myself; and have declined several proposals of that kind: How then,
with the distance between us in the world's judgment, can I think of
making you my wife?--Yet I must have you; I cannot bear the thoughts of
any other man supplanting me in your affections: and the very
apprehension of that has made me hate the name of Williams, and use him
in a manner unworthy of my temper.
Now, Pamela, judge for me; and, since I have told you, thus candidly, my
mind, and I see yours is big with some important meaning, by your eyes,
your blushes, and that sweet confusion which I behold struggling in your
bosom, tell me, with like openness and candour, what you think I ought to
do, and what you would have me do.
It is impossible for me to express the agitations of my mind, on this
unexpected declaration, so contrary to his former behaviour. His manner
too had something so noble, and so sincere, as I thought, that, alas for
me! I found I had need of all my poor discretion, to ward off the blow
which this treatment gave to my most guarded thoughts. I threw myself at
his feet; for I trembled, and could hardly stand: O sir, said I, spare
your poor servant's confusion! O spare the poor Pamela!--Speak out, said
he, and tell me, when I bid you, What you think I ought to do? I cannot
say what you ought to do, answered I: but I only beg you will not ruin
me; and, if you think me virtuous, if you think me sincerely honest, let
me go to my poor parents. I will vow to you, that I will never suffer
myself to be engaged without your approbation.
Still he insisted upon a more explicit answer to his question, of what I
thought he ought to do. And I did, As to my poor thoughts of what you
ought to do, I must needs say, that indeed I think you ought to regard
the world's opinion, and avoid doing any thing disgraceful to your birth
and fortune; and, therefore, if you really honour the poor Pamela with
your respect, a little time, absence, and the conversation of worthier
persons of my sex, will effectually enable you to overcome a regard so
unworthy your condition: And this, good sir, is the best advice I can
offer.
Charming creature! lovely Pamela! said he, (with an ardour that was never
before so agreeable to me,) this generous manner is of a piece with all
the rest of your conduct. But tell me, still more explicitly, what you
would advise me to, in the case.
O, sir! said I, take not advantage of my credulity, and these my weak
moments: but were I the first lady in the land, instead of the poor
abject Pamela, I would, I could tell you. But I can say no more--
O my dear father and mother! now I know you will indeed be concerned for
me;--for now I am for myself.--And now I begin to be afraid I know too
well the reason why all his hard trials of me, and my black
apprehensions, would not let me hate him.
But be assured still, by God's grace, that I shall do nothing unworthy of
your Pamela; and if I find that he is still capable of deceiving me, and
that this conduct is only put on to delude me more, I shall think nothing
in this world so vile, and so odious; and nothing, if he be not the worst
of his kind, (as he says, and, I hope, he is not,) so desperately
guileful, as the heart of man.
He generously said, I will spare your confusion, Pamela. But I hope I
may promise myself, that you can love me preferably to any other man; and
that no one in the world has had any share in your affections; for I am
very jealous of what I love; and if I thought you had a secret whispering
in your soul, that had not yet come up to a wish, for any other man
breathing, I should not forgive myself to persist in my affection for
you; nor you, if you did not frankly acquaint me with it.
As I still continued on my knees, on the grass border by the pond-side,
he sat himself down on the grass by me, and took me in his arms: Why
hesitates my Pamela? said he.--Can you not answer me with truth, as I
wish? If you cannot, speak, and I will forgive you.
O good sir, said I, it is not that; indeed it is not: but a frightful
word or two that you said to Mrs. Jewkes, when you thought I was not in
hearing, comes cross my mind; and makes me dread that I am in more danger
than ever I was in my life.
You have never found me a common liar, said he, (too fearful and foolish
Pamela!) nor will I answer how long I may hold in my present mind; for my
pride struggles hard within me, I'll assure you; and if you doubt me, I
have no obligation to your confidence or opinion. But, at present, I am
really sincere in what I say: And I expect you will be so too; and answer
directly my question.
I find, sir, said I, I know not myself; and your question is of such a
nature, that I only want to tell you what I heard, and to have your kind
answer to it; or else, what I have to say to your question, may pave the
way to my ruin, and shew a weakness that I did not believe was in me.
Well, said he, you may say what you have overheard; for, in not answering
me directly, you put my soul upon the rack; and half the trouble I have
had with you would have brought to my arms one of the finest ladies in
England.
O sir, said I, my virtue is as dear to me, as if I was of the highest
quality; and my doubts (for which you know I have had too much reason)
have made me troublesome. But now, sir, I will tell you what I heard,
which has given me great uneasiness.
You talked to Mrs. Jewkes of having begun wrong with me, in trying to
subdue me with terror, and of frost, and such like--You remember it
well:--And that you would, for the future, change your conduct, and try
to melt me, that was your word, by kindness.
I fear not, sir, the grace of God supporting me, that any acts of
kindness would make me forget what I owe to my virtue: but, sir, I may, I
find, be made more miserable by such acts, than by terror; because my
nature is too frank and open to make me wish to be ungrateful: and if I
should be taught a lesson I never yet learnt, with what regret should I
descend to the grave, to think that I could not hate my undoer: and that,
at the last great day, I must stand up as an accuser of the poor unhappy
soul, that I could wish it in my power to save!
Exalted girl! said he, what a thought is that!--Why, now, Pamela, you
excel yourself! You have given me a hint that will hold me long. But,
sweet creature, said he, tell me what is this lesson, which you never yet
learnt, and which you are so afraid of learning?
If, sir, said I, you will again generously spare my confusion, I need not
speak it: But this I will say, in answer to the question you seem most
solicitous about, that I know not the man breathing that I would wish to
be married to, or that ever I thought of with such an idea. I had
brought my mind so to love poverty, that I hoped for nothing but to
return to the best, though the poorest of parents; and to employ myself
in serving God, and comforting them; and you know not, sir, how you
disappointed those hopes, and my proposed honest pleasures, when you sent
me hither.
Well then, said he, I may promise myself, that neither the parson, nor
any other man, is any the least secret motive to your steadfast refusal
of my offers? Indeed, sir, said I, you may; and, as you was pleased to
ask, I answer, that I have not the least shadow of a wish, or thought,
for any man living.
But, said he, (for I am foolishly jealous, and yet it shews my fondness
for you,) have you not encouraged Williams to think you will have him?
Indeed, sir, said I, I have not; but the very contrary. And would you
not have had him, said he, if you had got away by his means? I had
resolved, sir, said I, in my mind, otherwise; and he knew it; and the
poor man--I charge you, said he, say not a word in his favour! You will
excite a whirlwind in my soul, if you name him with kindness; and then
you'll be borne away with the tempest.
Sir, said I, I have done!--Nay, said he, but do not have done; let me
know the whole. If you have any regard for him, speak out; for it would
end fearfully for you, for me, and for him, if I found that you disguised
any secret of your soul from me, in this nice particular.
Sir, said I, if I have ever given you cause to think me sincere--Say
then, said he, interrupting me with great vehemence, and taking both my
hands between his, Say, that you now, in the presence of God, declare
that you have not any the most hidden regard for Williams, or any other
man.
Sir, said I, I do. As God shall bless me, and preserve my innocence, I
have not. Well, said he, I will believe you, Pamela; and in time,
perhaps, I may better bear that man's name. And, if I am convinced that
you are not prepossessed, my vanity makes me assured, that I need not to
fear a place in your esteem, equal, if not preferable, to any man in
England. But yet it stings my pride to the quick, that you was so easily
brought, and at such a short acquaintance, to run away with that college
novice!
O good sir, said I, may I be heard one thing? And though I bring upon me
your highest indignation, I will tell you, perhaps, the unnecessary and
imprudent, but yet the whole truth.
My honesty (I am poor and lowly, and am not entitled to call it honour)
was in danger. I saw no means of securing myself from your avowed
attempts. You had shewed you would not stick at little matters; and
what, sir, could any body have thought of my sincerity, in preferring
that to all other considerations, if I had not escaped from these
dangers, if I could have found any way for it?--I am not going to say any
thing for him; but, indeed, indeed, sir, I was the cause of putting him
upon assisting me in my escape. I got him to acquaint me what gentry
there were in the neighbourhood that I might fly to; and prevailed upon
him--Don't frown at me, good sir; for I must tell you the whole truth--to
apply to one Lady Jones; to Lady Darnford; and he was so good to apply to
Mr. Peters, the minister: But they all refused me; and then it was he let
me know, that there was no honourable way but marriage. That I declined;
and he agreed to assist me for God's sake.
Now, said he, you are going--I boldly put my hand before his mouth,
hardly knowing the liberty I took: Pray, sir, said I, don't be angry; I
have just done--I would only say, that rather than have staid to be
ruined, I would have thrown myself upon the poorest beggar that ever the
world saw, if I thought him honest.--And I hope, when you duly weigh all
matters, you will forgive me, and not think me so bold, and so forward,
as you have been pleased to call me.
Well, said he, even in this your last speech, which, let me tell you,
shews more your honesty of heart than your prudence, you have not over-
much pleased me. But I must love you; and that vexes me not a little.
But tell me, Pamela, for now the former question recurs: Since you so
much prize your honour, and your virtue; since all attempts against that
are so odious to you; and since I have avowedly made several of these
attempts, do you think it is possible for you to love me preferably to
any other of my sex?
Ah, sir! said I, and here my doubt recurs, that you may thus graciously
use me, to take advantage of my credulity.
Still perverse and doubting! said he--Cannot you take me as I am at
present? And that, I have told you, is sincere and undesigning, whatever
I may be hereafter.
Ah, sir! replied I, what can I say? I have already said too much, if
this dreadful hereafter should take place. Don't bid me say how well I
can--And then, my face glowing as the fire, I, all abashed, leaned upon
his shoulder, to hide my confusion.
He clasped me to him with great ardour, and said, Hide your dear face in
my bosom, my beloved Pamela! your innocent freedoms charm me!--But then
say, How well--what?
If you will be good, said I, to your poor servant, and spare her, I
cannot say too much! But if not, I am doubly undone!--Undone indeed!
Said he, I hope my present temper will hold; for I tell you frankly, that
I have known, in this agreeable hour, more sincere pleasure than I have
experienced in all the guilty tumults that my desiring soul compelled me
into, in the hopes of possessing you on my own terms. And, Pamela, you
must pray for the continuance of this temper; and I hope your prayers
will get the better of my temptations.
This sweet goodness overpowered all my reserves. I threw myself at his
feet, and embraced his knees: What pleasure, sir, you give me at these
gracious words, is not lent your poor servant to express!--I shall be too
much rewarded for all my sufferings, if this goodness hold! God grant it
may, for your own soul's sake as well as mine. And oh! how happy should
I be, if----
He stopt me, and said, But, my dear girl, what must we do about the
world, and the world's censure? Indeed, I cannot marry!
Now was I again struck all of a heap. However, soon recollecting myself,
Sir, said I, I have not the presumption to hope such an honour. If I may
be permitted to return in peace and safety to my poor parents, to pray
for you there, it is all I at present request! This, sir, after all my
apprehensions and dangers, will be a great pleasure to me. And, if I
know my own poor heart, I shall wish you happy in a lady of suitable
degree; and rejoice most sincerely in every circumstance that shall make
for the happiness of my late good lady's most beloved son.
Well, said he, this conversation, Pamela, is gone farther than I intended
it. You need not be afraid, at this rate, of trusting yourself with me:
but it is I that ought to be doubtful of myself, when I am with you.--But
before I say any thing farther on this subject, I will take my proud
heart to task; and, till then, let every thing be as if this conversation
had never passed. Only, let me tell you, that the more confidence you
place in me, the more you'll oblige me: but your doubts will only beget
cause of doubts. And with this ambiguous saying, he saluted me with a
more formal manner, if I may so say, than before, and lent me his hand;
and so we walked toward the house, side by side, he seeming very
thoughtful and pensive, as if he had already repented him of his
goodness.
What shall I do, what steps take, if all this be designing--O the
perplexities of these cruel doubtings!--To be sure, if he be false, as I
may call it, I have gone too far, much too far!--I am ready, on the
apprehension of this, to bite my forward tongue (or rather to beat my
more forward heart, that dictated to that poor machine) for what I have
said. But sure, at least, he must be sincere for the time!--He could not
be such a practised dissembler!--If he could, O how desperately wicked is
the heart of man!--And where could he learn all these barbarous arts?--If
so, it must be native surely to the sex!--But, silent be my rash
censurings; be hushed, ye stormy tumults of my disturbed mind! for have I
not a father who is a man?--A man who knows no guile! who would do no
wrong!--who would not deceive or oppress, to gain a kingdom!--How then
can I think it is native to the sex? And I must also hope my good lady's
son cannot be the worst of men!--If he is, hard the lot of the excellent
woman that bore him!--But much harder the hap of your poor Pamela, who
has fallen into such hands!--But yet I will trust in God, and hope the
best: and so lay down my tired pen for this time.
Thursday morning.
Somebody rapped at our chamber-door this morning, soon after it was
light: Mrs. Jewkes asked, who it was? My master said, Open the door,
Mrs. Jewkes! O, said I, for God's sake, Mrs. Jewkes, don't! Indeed,
said she, but I must. Then, said I, and clung about her, let me slip on
my clothes first. But he rapped again, and she broke from me; and I was
frightened out of my wits, and folded myself in the bed-clothes. He
entered, and said, What, Pamela, so fearful, after what passed yesterday
between us! O, sir, sir, said I, I fear my prayers have wanted their
wished effect! Pray, good sir, consider--He sat down on the bed-side,
and interrupted me; No need of your foolish fears; I shall say but a word
or two, and go away.
After you went up stairs, said he, I had an invitation to a ball, which
is to be this night at Stamford, on occasion of a wedding; and I am going
to call on Sir Simon, and his lady and daughters; for the bride is a
relation of theirs: so I shall not be at home till Saturday. I come,
therefore, to caution you, Mrs. Jewkes, before Pamela, (that she may not
wonder at being closer confined, than for these three or four days past,)
that nobody sees her, nor delivers any letter to her, in that space; for
a person has been seen lurking about, and inquiring after her, and I have
been well informed, that either Mrs. Jervis, or Mr. Longman, has written
a letter, with a design of having it conveyed to her: And, said he, you
must know, Pamela, that I have ordered Mr. Longman to give up his
accounts, and have dismissed Jonathan and Mrs. Jervis, since I have been
here; for their behaviour has been intolerable; and they have made such a
breach between my sister Davers and me, as we shall never, perhaps, make
up. Now, Pamela, I shall take it kindly in you, if you will confine
yourself to your chamber pretty much, for the time I am absent, and not
give Mrs. Jewkes cause of trouble or uneasiness; and the rather, as you
know she acts by my orders.
Alas! sir, said I, I fear all these good people have suffered for my
sake!--Why, said he, I believe so too; and there was never a girl of your
innocence, that set a large family in such an uproar, surely.--But let
that pass. You know both of you my mind, and, in part, the reason of it.
I shall only say, that I have had such a letter from my sister, as I
could not have expected; and, Pamela, said he, neither you nor I have
reason to thank her, as you shall know, perhaps at my return.--I go in my
coach, Mrs. Jewkes, because I take Lady Darnford, and Mrs. Peters's
niece, and one of Lady Darnford's daughters, along with me; and Sir Simon
and his other daughter go in his chariot: so let all the gates be
fastened; and don't take any airing in either of the chariots, nor let
any body go to the gate, without you, Mrs. Jewkes. I'll be sure, said
she, to obey your honour.
I will give Mrs. Jewkes no trouble, sir, said I; and will keep pretty
much in my chamber, and not stir so much as into the garden without her;
to shew you I will obey in every thing I can. But I begin to fear--Ay,
said he, more plots and contrivances, don't you?--But I'll assure you,
you never had less reason; and I tell you the truth; for I am really
going to Stamford this time; and upon the occasion I tell you. And so,
Pamela, give me your hand, and one kiss; and then I am gone.
I durst not refuse, and said, God bless you, sir, wherever you go!--But I
am sorry for what you tell me about your servants!
He and Mrs. Jewkes had a little talk without the door; and I heard her
say, You may depend, sir, upon my care and vigilance.
He went in his coach, as he said he should, and very richly dressed,
which looks as if what he said was likely: but really I have been used to
so many tricks, and plots, and surprises, that I know not what to think.
But I mourn for poor Mrs. Jervis.--So here is Parson Williams; here's
poor naughty John; here is good Mrs. Jervis, and Mr. Longman, and Mr.
Jonathan, turned away for me!--Mr. Longman is rich, indeed, and so need
the less matter it; but I know it will grieve him: and for poor Mr.
Jonathan, I am sure it will cut that good old servant to the heart. Alas
for me! what mischiefs am I the occasion of!--Or, rather, my master,
whose actions towards me have made so many of my kind friends forfeit his
favour, for my sake!
I am very sad about these things: If he really loved me, methinks he
should not be so angry, that his servants loved me too.--I know not what
to think!
Friday night.
I have removed my papers from under the rose-bush; for I saw the gardener
begin to dig near that spot; and I was afraid he would find them.
Mrs. Jewkes and I were looking yesterday through the iron gate that
fronts the elms; and a gipsy-like body made up to us, and said; If,
madam, you will give me some broken victuals, I will tell you both your
fortunes. I said, Let us hear our fortunes, Mrs. Jewkes. She said, I
don't like these sort of people; but we will hear what she'll say to us,
however. I shan't fetch you any victuals, woman; but I will give you
some pence, said she.
But Nan coming out, she said, Fetch some bread, and some of the cold
meat, and you shall have your fortune told, Nan.
This, you'll think, like some of my other matters, a very trifling thing
to write about. But mark the discovery of a dreadful plot, which I have
made by it. O, bless me! What can I think of this naughty, this very
naughty gentleman!--Now will I hate him most heartily. Thus it was:--
Mrs. Jewkes had no suspicion of the woman, the iron gate being locked,
and she on the outside, and we on the inside; and so put her hand
through. She said, muttering over a parcel of cramp words; Why, madam,
you will marry soon, I can tell you. At that she seemed pleased, and
said, I am glad to hear that; and shook her fat sides with laughing. The
woman looked most earnestly at me, all the time, and as if she had
meaning. Then it came into my head, from my master's caution, that
possibly this woman might be employed to try to get a letter into my
hands; and I was resolved to watch all her motions. So Mrs. Jewkes said,
What sort of a man shall I have, pray?--Why, said she, a man younger than
yourself; and a very good husband he'll prove.--I am glad of that, said
she; and laughed again. Come, madam, let us hear your fortune.
The woman came to me, and took my hand. O! said she, I cannot tell your
fortune: your hand is so white and fine, I cannot see the lines: but,
said she, and, stooping, pulled up a little tuft of grass, I have a way
for that; and so rubbed my hand with the mould part of the tuft: Now,
said she, I can see the lines.
Mrs. Jewkes was very watchful of all her ways, and took the tuft, and
looked upon it, lest any thing should be in that. And then the woman
said, Here is the line of Jupiter crossing the line of life; and Mars--
Odd! my pretty mistress, said she, you had best take care of yourself;
for you are hard beset, I'll assure you. You will never be married, I
can see; and will die of your first child. Out upon thee, woman! said I,
better thou hadst never come here.
Said Mrs. Jewkes, whispering, I don't like this: it looks like a cheat:
Pray, Mrs. Pamela, go in, this moment. So I will, said I; for I have
enough of fortune-telling. And in I went.
The woman wanted sadly to tell me more, which made Mrs. Jewkes threaten
her, suspecting still the more; and away the woman went, having told Nan
her fortune, and she would be drowned.
This thing ran strongly in all our heads; and we went, an hour after, to
see if the woman was lurking about, and took Mr. Colbrand for our guard.
Looking through the iron gate, he spied a man sauntering about the middle
of the walk; which filled Mrs. Jewkes with still more suspicions; and she
said, Mr. Colbrand, you and I will walk towards this fellow, and see what
he saunters there for: And, Nan, do you and madam stay at the gate.
So they opened the iron gate and walked down towards the man; and
guessing the woman, if employed, must mean something by the tuft of
grass, I cast my eye that way, whence she pulled it, and saw more grass
seemingly pulled up: then I doubted not something was there for me; and I
walked to it, and standing over it, said to Nan, That's a pretty sort of
wild flower, that grows yonder, near the elm, the fifth from us on the
left; pray pull it for me. Said she, It is a common weed. Well, said I,
but pull it for me; there are sometimes beautiful colours in a weed.
While she went on, I stooped, and pulled up a good handful of the grass,
and in it a bit of paper, which I put instantly in my bosom, and dropt
the grass: and my heart went pit-a-pat at the odd adventure. Said I,
Let's go in, Mrs. Anne. No, said she, we must stay till Mrs. Jewkes
comes.
I was all impatience to read this paper: and when Colbrand and she
returned, I went in. Said she, Certainly there is some reason for my
master's caution: I can make nothing of this sauntering fellow; but, to
be sure, there was some roguery in the gipsy. Well, said I, if there
was, she lost her aim, you see! Ay, very true, said she; but that was
owing to my watchfulness; and you was very good to go away, when I spoke
to you.
I hastened up stairs to my closet, and found the billet to contain, in a
hand that seemed disguised, and bad spelling, the following words:
'Twenty contrivances have been thought of to let you know your danger:
but all have proved in vain. Your friends hope it is not yet too late to
give you this caution, if it reaches your hands. The 'squire is
absolutely determined to ruin you; and, because he despairs of any other
way, he will pretend great love and kindness to you, and that he will
marry you. You may expect a parson, for this purpose, in a few days; but
it is a sly artful fellow, of a broken attorney, that he has hired to
personate a minister. The man has a broad face, pitted much with the
small-pox, and is a very great companion. So take care of yourself.
Doubt not this advice. Perhaps you'll have had but too much reason
already to confirm you in the truth of it. From your zealous well-
wisher, 'SOMEBODY.'
Now, my dear father and mother, what shall we say of this truly
diabolical master! O, how shall I find words to paint my griefs, and his
deceit! I have as good as confessed I love him; but, indeed, it was on
supposing him good.--This, however, has given him too much advantage.
But now I will break this wicked forward heart of mine, if it will not be
taught to hate him! O, what a black dismal heart must he have! So here
is a plot to ruin me, and by my own consent to!--No wonder he did not
improve his wicked opportunities, (which I thought owing to remorse for
his sin, and compassion for me,) when he had such a project as this in
reserve!--Here should I have been deluded with the hopes of a happiness
that my highest ambition could have had aspired to!--But how dreadful
must have been my lot, when I had found myself an undone creature, and a
guilty harlot, instead of a lawful wife! Oh! this is indeed too much,
too much, for your poor Pamela to support! This is the worse, as I hoped
all the worst was over; and that I had the pleasure of beholding a
reclaimed man, and not an abandoned libertine. What now must your poor
daughter do? Now all her hopes are dashed! And if this fails him, then
comes, to be sure, my forced disgrace! for this shews he will never leave
till he has ruined me--O, the wretched, wretched Pamela!
Saturday noon, one o'clock.
My master is come home; and, to be sure, has been where he said. So once
he has told truth; and this matter seems to be gone off without a plot:
No doubt he depends upon his sham wicked marriage! He has brought a
gentleman with him to dinner; and so I have not seen him yet.
Two o'clock.
I am very sorrowful, and still have greater reason; for, just now, as I
was in my closet, opening the parcel I had hid under the rose-bush, to
see if it was damaged by lying so long, Mrs. Jewkes came upon me by
surprise, and laid her hands upon it; for she had been looking through
the key-hole, it seems.
I know not what I shall do! For now he will see all my private thoughts
of him, and all my secrets, as I may say. What a careless creature I
am!--To be sure I deserve to be punished.
You know I had the good luck, by Mr. Williams's means, to send you all my
papers down to Sunday night, the 17th day of my imprisonment. But now
these papers contain all my matters from that time, to Wednesday the 27th
day of my distress: And which, as you may now, perhaps, never see, I will
briefly mention the contents to you.
In these papers, then, are included, 'An account of Mrs. Jewkes's arts to
draw me in to approve of Mr. Williams's proposal for marriage; and my
refusing to do so; and desiring you not to encourage his suit to me. Mr.
Williams's being wickedly robbed, and a visit of hers to him; whereby she
discovered all his secrets. How I was inclined to get off, while she was
gone; but was ridiculously prevented by my foolish fears, etc. My having
the key of the back-door. Mrs. Jewkes's writing to my master all the
secrets she had discovered of Mr. Williams, and her behaviour to me and
him upon it. Continuance of my correspondence with Mr. Williams by the
tiles; begun in the parcel you had. My reproaches to him for his
revealing himself to Mrs. Jewkes; and his letter to me in answer,
threatening to expose my master, if he deceived him; mentioning in it
John Arnold's correspondence with him; and a letter which John sent, and
was intercepted, as it seems. Of the correspondence being carried on by
a friend of his at Gainsborough. Of the horse he was to provide for me,
and one for himself. Of what Mr. Williams had owned to Mrs. Jewkes; and
of my discouraging his proposals. Then it contained a pressing letter of
mine to him, urging my escape before my master came; with his half-angry
answer to me. Your good letter to me, my dear father, sent to me by Mr.
Williams's conveyance; in which you would have me encourage Mr. Williams,
but leave it to me; and in which, fortunately enough, you take notice of
my being uninclined to marry.--My earnest desire to be with you. The
substance of my answer to Mr. Williams, expressing more patience, etc. A
dreadful letter of my master to Mrs. Jewkes; which, by mistake, was
directed to me; and one to me, directed by like mistake to her; and very
free reflections of mine upon both. The concern I expressed for Mr.
Williams's being taken in, deceived, and ruined. An account of Mrs.
Jewkes's glorying in her wicked fidelity. A sad description I gave of
Monsieur Colbrand, a person he sent down to assist Mrs. Jewkes in
watching me. How Mr. Williams was arrested, and thrown into gaol; and
the concern I expressed upon it; and my free reflections on my master for
it. A projected contrivance of mine, to get away out of the window, and
by the back-door; and throwing by petticoat and handkerchief into the
pond to amuse them, while I got off: An attempt that had like to have
ended very dreadfully for me! My further concern for Mr. Williams's
ruin, on my account: And, lastly, my over-hearing Mrs. Jewkes brag of her
contrivance to rob Mr. Williams, in order to get at my papers; which,
however, he preserved, and sent safe to you.'
These, down to the execution of my unfortunate plot to escape, are, to
the best of my remembrance, the contents of the papers, which this
merciless woman seized: For, how badly I came off, and what followed, I
still have safe, as I hope, sewed in my under-coat, about my hips.
In vain were all my prayers and tears to her, to get her not to shew them
to my master. For she said, It had now come out, why I affected to be so
much alone; and why I was always writing. And she thought herself happy,
she said, she had found these; for often and often had she searched every
place she could think of, for writings, to no purpose before. And she
hoped, she said, there was nothing in them by what any body might see;
for, said she, you know you are all innocence!--Insolent creature! said
I, I am sure you are all guilt!--And so you must do your worst; for now I
can't help myself, and I see there is no mercy to be expected from you.
Just now, my master being come up, she went to him upon the stairs, and
gave him my papers. There, sir, said she; you always said Mrs. Pamela
was a great writer; but I never could get at any thing of hers before.
He took them; and, without coming to me, went down to the parlour again.
And what with the gipsy affair, and what with this, I could not think of
going down to dinner; and she told him that too; and so I suppose I shall
have him up stairs, as soon as his company is gone.
Saturday, six o'clock.
My master came up, and, in a pleasanter manner than I expected, said, So,
Pamela, we have seized, it seems, your treasonable papers? Treasonable!
said I, very sullenly. Ay, said he, I suppose so; for you are a great
plotter: but I have not read them yet.
Then, sir, said I, very gravely, it will be truly honourable in you not
to read them; but to give them to me again. To whom, says he, are they
written?--To my father, sir; but I suppose you see to whom.--Indeed,
returned he, I have not read three lines yet. Then, pray, sir, don't
read them; but give them to me again. That I will not, said he, till I
have read them. Sir, said I, you served me not well in the letters I
used to write formerly: I think it was not worthy your character to
contrive to get them in your hands, by that false John Arnold! for should
such a gentleman as you mind what your poor servant writes?--Yes, said
he, by all means, mind what such a servant as my Pamela writes.
Your Pamela! thought I. Then the sham marriage came into my head; and
indeed it has not been out of it, since the gipsy affair.--But, said he,
have you any thing in these papers you would not have me see? To be
sure, sir, said I, there is; for what one writes to one's father and
mother, is not for every body to see. Nor, said he, am I every body.
Those letters, added he, that I did see by John's means, were not to your
disadvantage, I'll assure you; for they gave me a very high opinion of
your wit and innocence: And if I had not loved you, do you think I would
have troubled myself about your letters?
Alas! sir, said I, great pride to me that! For they gave you such an
opinion of my innocence, that you was resolved to ruin me. And what
advantage have they brought me!--Who have been made a prisoner, and used
as I have been between you and your housekeeper.
Why, Pamela, said he, a little seriously, why this behaviour, for my
goodness to you in the garden?--This is not of a piece with your conduct
and softness there, that quite charmed me in your favour: And you must
not give me cause to think that you will be the more insolent, as you
find me kinder. Ah! sir, said I, you know best your own heart and
designs! But I fear I was too open-hearted then; and that you still keep
your resolution to undo me, and have only changed the form of your
proceedings.
When I tell you once again, said he, a little sternly, that you cannot
oblige me more, than by placing some confidence in me, I will let you
know, that these foolish and perverse doubts are the worst things you can
be guilty of. But, said he, I shall possibly account for the cause of
them, in these papers of yours; for I doubt not you have been sincere to
your father and mother, though you begin to make me suspect you: For I
tell you, perverse girl, that it is impossible you should be thus cold
and insensible, after what has passed in the garden, if you were not
prepossessed in some other person's favour: And let me add, that if I
find it so, it shall be attended with such effects, as will make every
vein in your heart bleed.
He was going away in wrath; and I said, One word, good sir, one word
before you read them, since you will read them: Pray make allowances--for
all the harsh reflections that you will find in them, on your own conduct
to me: And remember only, that they were not written for your sight; and
were penned by a poor creature hardly used, and who was in constant
apprehension of receiving from you the worst treatment that you could
inflict upon her.
If that be all, said he, and there be nothing of another nature, that I
cannot forgive, you have no cause for uneasiness; for I had as many
instances of your saucy reflections upon me in your former letters, as
there were lines; and yet, you see, I have never upbraided you on that
score; though, perhaps, I wished you had been more sparing of your
epithets, and your freedoms of that sort.
Well, sir, said I, since you will, you must read them; and I think I have
no reason to be afraid of being found insincere, or having, in any
respect, told you a falsehood; because, though I don't remember all I
wrote, yet I know I wrote my heart; and that is not deceitful. And
remember, sir, another thing, that I always declared I thought myself
right to endeavour to make my escape from this forced and illegal
restraint; and so you must not be angry that I would have done so, if I
could.
I'll judge you, never fear, said he, as favourably as you deserve; for
you have too powerful a pleader within me. And so went down stairs.
About nine o'clock he sent for me down into the parlour. I went a little
fearfully; and he held the paper in his hand, and said, Now, Pamela, you
come upon your trial. Said I, I hope I have a just judge to hear my
cause. Ay, said he, and you may hope for a merciful one too, or else I
know not what will become of you.
I expect, continued he, that you will answer me directly, and plainly, to
every question I shall ask you.--In the first place, here are several
love-letters between you and Williams. Love-letters! sir, said I.--Well,
call them what you will, said he, I don't entirely like them, I'll assure
you, with all the allowances you desired me to make for you. Do you
find, sir, said I, that I encouraged his proposal, or do you not? Why,
said he, you discourage his address in appearance; but no otherwise than
all your cunning sex do to ours, to make us more eager in pursuing you.
Well, sir, said I, that is your comment; but it does not appear so in the
text. Smartly said! says he: Where a d---l gottest thou, at these years,
all this knowledge? And then thou hast a memory, as I see by your
papers, that nothing escapes. Alas! sir, said I, what poor abilities I
have, serve only to make me more miserable!--I have no pleasure in my
memory, which impresses things upon me, that I could be glad never were,
or everlastingly to forget.
Well, said he, so much for that--But where are the accounts (since you
have kept so exact a journal of all that has befallen you) previous to
these here in my hand? My father has them, sir, said I.--By whose means?
said he--By Mr. Williams's, said I. Well answered, said he. But cannot
you contrive to get me a sight of them? That would be pretty! said I. I
wish I could have contrived to have kept those you have from your sight.
Said he, I must see them, Pamela, or I shall never be easy; for I must
know how this correspondence between you and Williams began: and if I can
see them, it shall be better for you, if they answer what these give me
hope they will.
I can tell you, sir, very faithfully, said I, what the beginning was; for
I was bold enough to be the beginner. That won't do, said he; for though
this may appear a punctilio to you, to me it is of high importance. Sir,
said I, if you please to let me go to my father, I will send them to you
by any messenger you shall send for them. Will you so? But I dare say,
if you will write for them, they will send them to you, without the
trouble of such a journey to yourself: and I beg you will.
I think, sir, said I, as you have seen all my former letters through
John's baseness, and now these, through your faithful housekeeper's
officious watchfulness, you might see all the rest: But I hope you will
not desire it, till I can see how much my pleasing you in this particular
will be of use to myself.
You must trust to my honour for that. But tell me, Pamela, said the sly
gentleman, since I have seen these, would you have voluntarily shewn me
those, had they been in your possession?
I was not aware of this inference, and said, Yes, truly, sir, I think I
should, if you commanded it. Well then, Pamela, said he, as I am sure
you have found means to continue your journal, I desire, till the former
part can come, that you will shew me the succeeding.--O sir, sir, said I,
have you caught me so?--But indeed you must excuse me there.
Why, said he, tell me truly, have you not continued your account till
now? Don't ask me, sir, said I. But I insist upon your answer, replied
he. Why then, sir, I will not tell an untruth; I have.--That's my good
girl! said he, I love sincerity at my heart.--In another, sir, said I, I
presume you mean!--Well, said he, I'll allow you to be a little witty
upon me; because it is in you, and you cannot help it: but you will
greatly oblige me, to shew me voluntarily what you have written. I long
to see the particulars of your plot, and your disappointment, where your
papers leave off: for you have so beautiful a manner, that it is partly
that, and partly my love for you, that has made me desirous of reading
all you write; though a great deal of it is against myself; for which you
must expect to suffer a little: and as I have furnished you with the
subject, I have a title to see the fruits of your pen.--Besides, said he,
there is such a pretty air of romance, as you relate them, in your plots,
and my plots, that I shall be better directed in what manner to wind up
the catastrophe of the pretty novel.
If I was your equal, sir, said I, I should say this is a very provoking
way of jeering at the misfortunes you have brought upon me.
O, said he, the liberties you have taken with my character in your
letters, sets us upon a par, at least in that respect. Sir, I could not
have taken those liberties, if you had not given me the cause: and the
cause, sir, you know, is before the effect.
True, Pamela, said he; you chop logic very prettily. What the deuse do
we men go to school for? If our wits were equal to women's, we might
spare much time and pains in our education: for nature teaches your sex,
what, in a long course of labour and study, ours can hardly attain to.--
But, indeed, every lady is not a Pamela.
You delight to banter your poor servant, said I.
Nay, continued he, I believe I must assume to myself half the merit of
your wit, too; for the innocent exercises you have had for it, from me,
have certainly sharpened your invention.
Sir, said I, could I have been without those innocent exercises, as you
are pleased to call them, I should have been glad to have been as dull as
a beetle. But then, Pamela, said he, I should not have loved you so
well. But then, sir, I should have been safe, easy, and happy.--Ay, may
be so, and may be not; and the wife, too, of some clouterly plough-boy.
But then, sir, I should have been content and innocent; and that's better
than being a princess, and not so. And may be not, said he; for if you
had had that pretty face, some of us keen fox-hunters should have found
you out; and, in spite of your romantic notions, (which then, too,
perhaps, would not have had so strong a place in your mind,) might have
been more happy with the ploughman's wife, than I have been with my
mother's Pamela. I hope, sir, said I, God would have given me more
grace.
Well, but, resumed he, as to these writings of yours, that follow your
fine plot, I must see them. Indeed, sir, you must not, if I can help it.
Nothing, said he, pleases me better, than that, in all your arts, shifts,
and stratagems, you have had a great regard to truth; and have, in all
your little pieces of deceit, told very few wilful fibs. Now I expect
you'll continue this laudable rule in your conversation with me.--Let me
know then, where you have found supplies of pen, ink, and paper, when
Mrs. Jewkes was so vigilant, and gave you but two sheets at a time?--Tell
me truth.
Why, sir, little did I think I should have such occasion for them; but,
when I went away from your house, I begged some of each of good Mr.
Longman, who gave me plenty. Yes, yes, said he, it must be good Mr.
Longman! All your confederates are good, every one of them: but such of
my servants as have done their duty, and obeyed my orders, are painted
out by you as black as devils! nay, so am I too, for that matter.
Sir, said I, I hope you won't be angry, but, saving yourself, do you
think they are painted worse than they deserve? or worse than the parts
they acted require?
You say, saving myself, Pamela; but is not that saying a mere compliment
to me, because I am present, and you are in my hands? Tell me truly.--
Good sir, excuse me; but I fancy I might ask you, Why you should think
so, if there was not a little bit of conscience that told you, there was
but too much reason for it?
He kissed me, and said, I must either do thus, or be angry with you; for
you are very saucy, Pamela.--But, with your bewitching chit-chat, and
pretty impertinence, I will not lose my question. Where did you hide
your paper, pens, and ink?
Some, sir, in one place, some in another; that I might have some left, if
others should be found.--That's a good girl! said he; I love you for your
sweet veracity. Now tell me where it is you hide your written papers,
your saucy journal?--I must beg your excuse for that, sir, said I. But
indeed, answered he, you will not have it: for I will know, and I will
see them.--This is very hard, sir, said I; but I must say, you shall not,
if I can help it.
We were standing most of this time; but he then sat down, and took me by
both my hands, and said, Well said, my pretty Pamela, if you can help it!
But I will not let you help it. Tell me, are they in your pocket? No,
sir, said I; my heart up at my mouth. Said he, I know you won't tell a
downright fib for the world: but for equivocation! no jesuit ever went
beyond you. Answer me then, Are they in neither of your pockets? No,
sir, said I. Are they not, said he, about your stays? No, sir, replied
I: But pray no more questions: for ask me ever so much, I will not tell
you.
O, said he, I have a way for that. I can do as they do abroad, when the
criminals won't confess; torture them till they do.--But pray, sir, said
I, is this fair, just, or honest? I am no criminal; and I won't confess.
O, my girl! said he, many an innocent person has been put to the torture.
But let me know where they are, and you shall escape the question, as
they call it abroad.
Sir, said I, the torture is not used in England, and I hope you won't
bring it up. Admirably said! said the naughty gentleman.--But I can tell
you of as good a punishment. If a criminal won't plead with us, here in
England, we press him to death, or till he does plead. And so now,
Pamela, that is a punishment shall certainly be yours, if you won't tell
without.
Tears stood in my eyes, and I said, This, sir, is very cruel and
barbarous.--No matter, said he; it is but like your Lucifer, you know, in
my shape! And, after I have done so many heinous things by you as you
think, you have no great reason to judge so hardly of this; or, at least,
it is but of a piece with the rest.
But, sir, said I, (dreadfully afraid he had some notion they were about
me,) if you will be obeyed in this unreasonable manner, though it is sad
tyranny, to be sure!--let me go up to them, and read them over again, and
you shall see so far as to the end of the sad story that follows those
you have.
I'll see them all, said he, down to this time, if you have written so
far:--Or, at least, till within this week.--Then let me go up to them,
said I, and see what I have written, and to what day, to shew them to
you; for you won't desire to see every thing. But I will, replied he.--
But say, Pamela, tell me truth: Are they above? I was much affrighted.
He saw my confusion. Tell me truth, said he. Why, sir, answered I, I
have sometimes hid them under the dry mould in the garden; sometimes in
one place, sometimes in another; and those you have in your hand, were
several days under a rose-bush, in the garden. Artful slut! said he,
What's this to my question?--Are they not about you?--If, said I, I must
pluck them out of my hiding-place behind the wainscot, won't you see me?
--Still more and more artful! said he--Is this an answer to my question?
--I have searched every place above, and in your closet, for them, and
cannot find them; so I will know where they are. Now, said he, it is my
opinion they are about you; and I never undressed a girl in my life; but
I will now begin to strip my pretty Pamela; and I hope I shall not go far
before I find them.
I fell a crying, and said, I will not be used in this manner. Pray, sir,
said I, (for he began to unpin my handkerchief,) consider! Pray sir,
do!--And pray, said he, do you consider. For I will see these papers.
But may be, said he, they are tied about your knees, with your garters,
and stooped. Was ever any thing so vile and so wicked?--I fell on my
knees, and said, What can I do? What can I do? If you'll let me go up
I'll fetch them to you. Will you, said he, on your honour, let me see
them uncurtailed, and not offer to make them away; no not a single
paper?--I will, sir.--On your honour? Yes, sir. And so he let me go up
stairs, crying sadly for vexation to be so used. Sure nobody was ever so
served as I am!
I went to my closet, and there I sat me down, and could not bear the
thoughts of giving up my papers. Besides, I must all undress me, in a
manner, to untack them. So I writ thus:
'SIR,
'To expostulate with such an arbitrary gentleman, I know will signify
nothing; and most hardly do you use the power you so wickedly have got
over me. I have heart enough, sir, to do a deed that would make you
regret using me thus; and I can hardly bear it, and what I am further to
undergo. But a superior consideration withholds me; thank God, it does!
--I will, however, keep my word, if you insist upon it when you have read
this; but, sir, let me beg of you to give me time till to-morrow morning,
that I may just run them over, and see what I put into your hands against
me: and I will then give my papers to you, without the least alteration,
or adding or diminishing: But I should beg still to be excused, if you
please: But if not, spare them to me but till to-morrow morning: and
this, so hardly am I used, shall be thought a favour, which I shall be
very thankful for.'
I guessed it would not be long before I heard from him and he accordingly
sent up Mrs. Jewkes for what I had promised. So I gave her this note to
carry to him. And he sent word, that I must keep my promise, and he
would give me till morning; but that I must bring them to him, without
his asking again.
So I took off my under-coat, and with great trouble of mind, unsewed them
from it. And there is a vast quantity of it. I will just slightly touch
upon the subjects; because I may not, perhaps, get them again for you to
see.
They begin with an account of 'my attempting to get away out of the
window first, and then throwing my petticoat and handkerchief into the
pond. How sadly I was disappointed, the lock of the back-door being
changed. How, in trying to climb over the door, I tumbled down, and was
piteously bruised; the bricks giving way, and tumbling upon me. How,
finding I could not get off, and dreading the hard usage I should
receive, I was so wicked as to think of throwing myself into the water.
My sad reflections upon this matter. How Mrs. Jewkes used me upon this
occasion, when she found me. How my master had like to have been drowned
in hunting; and my concern for his danger, notwithstanding his usage of
me. Mrs. Jewkes's wicked reports, to frighten me, that I was to be
married to the ugly Swiss; who was to sell me on the wedding-day to my
master. Her vile way of talking to me, like a London prostitute. My
apprehensions of seeing preparations made for my master's coming. Her
causeless fears that I was trying to get away again, when I had no
thoughts of it; and my bad usage upon it. My master's dreadful arrival;
and his hard, very hard treatment of me; and Mrs. Jewkes's insulting of
me. His jealousy of Mr. Williams and me. How Mrs. Jewkes vilely
instigated him to wickedness.' And down to here, I put into one parcel,
hoping that would content him. But for fear it should not, I put into
another parcel the following; viz.
'A copy of his proposals to me, of a great parcel of gold, and fine
clothes and rings, and an estate of I can't tell what a year; and 50l. a
year for the life of both you, my dear parents, to be his mistress; with
an insinuation, that, may be, he would marry me at the year's end: All
sadly vile: With threatenings, if I did not comply, that he would ruin
me, without allowing me any thing. A copy of my answer, refusing all,
with just abhorrence: But begging at last his goodness towards me, and
mercy on me, in the most moving manner I could think of. An account of
his angry behaviour, and Mrs. Jewkes's wicked advice hereupon. His
trying to get me to his chamber; and my refusal to go. A deal of stuff
and chit-chat between me and the odious Mrs. Jewkes; in which she was
very wicked and very insulting. Two notes I wrote, as if to be carried
to church, to pray for his reclaiming, and my safety; which Mrs. Jewkes
seized, and officiously shewed him. A confession of mine, that,
notwithstanding his bad usage, I could not hate him. My concern for Mr.
Williams. A horrid contrivance of my master's to ruin me; being in my
room, disguised in clothes of the maid's, who lay with me and Mrs.
Jewkes. How narrowly I escaped, (it makes my heart ache to think of it
still!) by falling into fits. Mrs. Jewkes's detestable part in this sad
affair. How he seemed moved at my danger, and forbore his abominable
designs; and assured me he had offered no indecency. How ill I was for a
day or two after; and how kind he seemed. How he made me forgive Mrs.
Jewkes. How, after this, and great kindness pretended, he made rude
offers to me in the garden, which I escaped. How I resented them.' Then
I had written, 'How kindly he behaved himself to me; and how he praised
me, and gave me great hopes of his being good at last. Of the too tender
impression this made upon me; and how I began to be afraid of my own
weakness and consideration for him, though he had used me so ill. How
sadly jealous he was of Mr. Williams; and how I, as justly could, cleared
myself as to his doubts on that score. How, just when he had raised me
up to the highest hope of his goodness, he dashed me sadly again, and
went off more coldly. My free reflections upon this trying occasion.'
This brought down matters from Thursday, the 20th day of my imprisonment,
to Wednesday the 41st, and here I was resolved to end, let what would
come; for only Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, remain to give an account
of; and Thursday he set out to a ball at Stamford; and Friday was the
gipsy story; and this is Saturday, his return from Stamford. And truly,
I shall have but little heart to write, if he is to see all.
So these two parcels of papers I have got ready for him against to-morrow
morning. To be sure I have always used him very freely in my writings,
and shewed him no mercy; but yet he must thank himself for it; for I have
only writ truth; and I wish he had deserved a better character at my
hands, as well for his own sake as mine.--So, though I don't know whether
ever you'll see what I write, I must say, that I will go to bed, with
remembering you in my prayers, as I always do, and as I know you do me:
And so, my dear parents, good night.
Sunday morning.
I remembered what he said, of not being obliged to ask again for my
papers; and what I should be forced to do, and could not help, I thought
I might as well do in such a manner as might shew I would not disoblige
on purpose: though I stomached this matter very heavily too. I had
therefore got in readiness my two parcels; and he, not going to church in
the morning, bid Mrs. Jewkes tell me he was gone into the garden.
I knew that was for me to go to him; and so I went: for how can I help
being at his beck? which grieves me not a little, though he is my master,
as I may say; for I am so wholly in his power, that it would do me no
good to incense him; and if I refused to obey him in little matters, my
refusal in greater would have the less weight. So I went down to the
garden; but as he walked in one walk, I took another, that I might not
seem too forward neither.
He soon 'spied me, and said, Do you expect to be courted to come to me?
Sir, said I, and crossed the walk to attend him, I did not know but I
should interrupt you in your meditations this good day.
Was that the case, said he, truly, and from your heart? Why, sir, said
I, I don't doubt but you have very good thoughts sometimes, though not
towards me. I wish, said he, I could avoid thinking so well of you as I
do. But where are the papers?--I dare say you had them about you
yesterday; for you say in those I have, that you will bury your writings
in the garden, for fear you should be searched, if you did not escape.
This, added he, gave me a glorious pretence to search you; and I have
been vexing myself all night, that I did not strip you garment by
garment, till I had found them. O fie, sir, said I; let me not be
scared, with hearing that you had such a thought in earnest.
Well, said he, I hope you have not now the papers to give me; for I had
rather find them myself, I'll assure you.
I did not like this way of talk at all; and thinking it best not to dwell
upon it, said, Well, but, sir, you will excuse me, I hope, giving up my
papers.
Don't trifle with me, said he; Where are they?--I think I was very good
to you last night, to humour you as I did. If you have either added or
diminished, and have not strictly kept your promise, woe be to you!
Indeed, sir, said I, I have neither added nor diminished. But there is
the parcel that goes on with my sad attempt to escape, and the terrible
consequences it had like to have been followed with. And it goes down to
the naughty articles you sent me. And as you know all that has happened
since, I hope these will satisfy you.
He was going to speak; but I said, to drive him from thinking of any
more, And I must beg you, sir, to read the matter favourably, if I have
exceeded in any liberties of my pen.
I think, said he, half-smiling, you may wonder at my patience, that I can
be so easy to read myself abused as I am by such a saucy slut.--Sir, said
I, I have wondered you should be so desirous to see my bold stuff; and,
for that very reason, I have thought it a very good, or a very bad sign.
What, said he, is your good sign?--That it may have an effect upon your
temper, at last, in my favour, when you see me so sincere. Your bad
sign? Why, that if you can read my reflections and observations upon
your treatment of me, with tranquillity, and not be moved, it is a sign
of a very cruel and determined heart. Now, pray, sir, don't be angry at
my boldness in telling you so freely my thoughts. You may, perhaps, said
he, be least mistaken, when you think of your bad sign. God forbid!
said I.
So I took out my papers; and said, Here, sir, they are. But if you
please to return them, without breaking the seal, it will be very
generous: and I will take it for a great favour, and a good omen.
He broke the seal instantly, and opened them: So much for your omen!
replied he. I am sorry for it, said I, very seriously; and was walking
away. Whither now? said he. I was going in, sir, that you might have
time to read them, if you thought fit. He put them into his pocket, and
said, You have more than these. Yes, sir: but all they contain, you know
as well as I.--But I don't know, said he, the light you put things in;
and so give them me, if you have not a mind to be searched.
Sir, said I, I can't stay, if you won't forbear that ugly world.--Give me
then no reason for it. Where are the other papers? Why, then, unkind
sir, if it must be so, here they are. And so I gave him, out of my
pocket, the second parcel, sealed up, as the former, with this
superscription; From the naughty articles, down, through sad attempts, to
Thursday the 42d day of my imprisonment. This is last Thursday, is it?
Yes, sir; but now you will see what I write, I will find some other way
to employ my time: for how can I write with any face, what must be for
your perusal, and not for those I intended to read my melancholy stories?
Yes, said he, I would have you continue your penmanship by all means;
and, I assure you, in the mind I am in, I will not ask you for any after
these; except any thing very extraordinary occurs. And I have another
thing to tell you, added he, that if you send for those from your father,
and let me read them, I may, very probably, give them all back again to
you. And so I desire you will do it.
This a little encourages me to continue my scribbling; but, for fear of
the worst, I will, when they come to any bulk, contrive some way to hide
them, if I can, that I may protest I have them not about me, which,
before, I could not say of a truth; and that made him so resolutely bent
to try to find them upon me; for which I might have suffered frightful
indecencies.
He led me, then, to the side of the pond; and sitting down on the slope,
made me sit by him. Come, said he, this being the scene of part of your
project, and where you so artfully threw in some of your clothes, I will
just look upon that part of your relation. Sir, said I, let me then walk
about, at a little distance; for I cannot bear the thought of it. Don't
go far, said he.
When he came, as I suppose, to the place where I mentioned the bricks
falling upon me, he got up, and walked to the door, and looked upon the
broken part of the wall; for it had not been mended; and came back,
reading on to himself, towards me; and took my hand, and put it under his
arm.
Why, this, said he, my girl, is a very moving tale. It was a very
desperate attempt, and, had you got out, you might have been in great
danger; for you had a very bad and lonely way; and I had taken such
measures, that, let you have been where you would, I should have had you.
You may see, sir, said I, what I ventured, rather than be ruined; and you
will be so good as hence to judge of the sincerity of my profession, that
my honesty is dearer to me than my life. Romantic girl! said he, and
read on.
He was very serious at my reflections, on what God had enabled me to
escape. And when he came to my reasonings about throwing myself into the
water, he said, Walk gently before; and seemed so moved, that he turned
away his face from me; and I blessed this good sign, and began not so
much to repent at his seeing this mournful part of my story.
He put the papers in his pocket, when he had read my reflections, and
thanks for escaping from myself; and said, taking me about the waist, O
my dear girl! you have touched me sensibly with your mournful relation,
and your sweet reflections upon it. I should truly have been very
miserable had it taken effect. I see you have been used too roughly; and
it is a mercy you stood proof in that fatal moment.
Then he most kindly folded me in his arms: Let us, say I too, my Pamela,
walk from this accursed piece of water; for I shall not, with pleasure,
look upon it again, to think how near it was to have been fatal to my
fair one. I thought, added he, of terrifying you to my will, since I
could not move you by love; and Mrs. Jewkes too well obeyed me, when the
terrors of your return, after your disappointment, were so great, that
you had hardly courage to withstand them; but had like to have made so
fatal a choice, to escape the treatment you apprehended.
O sir, said I, I have reason, I am sure, to bless my dear parents, and my
good lady, your mother, for giving me something of a religious education;
for, but for that, and God's grace, I should, more than upon one
occasion, have attempted, at least, a desperate act: and I the less
wonder how poor creatures, who have not the fear of God before their
eyes, and give way to despondency, cast themselves into perdition.
Come, kiss me, said he, and tell me you forgive me for pushing you into
so much danger and distress. If my mind hold, and I can see those former
papers of yours, and that these in my pocket give me no cause to altar my
opinion, I will endeavour to defy the world and the world's censures, and
make my Pamela amends, if it be in the power of my whole life, for all
the hardships I have made her undergo.
All this looked well; but you shall see how strangely it was all turned.
For this sham-marriage then came into my mind again; and I said, Your
poor servant is far unworthy of this great honour; for what will it be
but to create envy to herself, and discredit to you? Therefore, sir,
permit me to return to my poor parents, and that is all I have to ask.
He was in a fearful passion then. And is it thus, said he, in my fond
conceding moments, that I am to be despised and answered?--Precise,
perverse, unseasonable Pamela! begone from my sight! and know as well how
to behave in a hopeful prospect, as in a distressful state; and then, and
not till then, shalt thou attract the shadow of my notice.
I was startled, and going to speak: but he stamped with his foot, and
said, Begone! I tell you: I cannot bear this stupid romantic folly.
One word, said I; but one word, I beseech you, sir.
He turned from me in great wrath, and took down another alley, and so I
went, with a very heavy heart; and fear I was too unseasonable, just at a
time when he was so condescending: but if it was a piece of art of his
side, as I apprehended, to introduce the sham-wedding, (and, to be sure,
he is very full of stratagem and art,) I think I was not so much to
blame.
So I went up to my closet; and wrote thus far, while he walked about till
dinner was ready; and he is now sat down to it, as I hear by Mrs. Jewkes,
very sullen, thoughtful, and out of humour; and she asks, What I have
done to him?--Now, again, I dread to see him!--When will my fears be
over?
Three o'clock.
Well, he continues exceeding wrath. He has ordered his travelling
chariot to be got ready with all speed. What is to come next, I wonder!
Sure I did not say so much!--But see the lordliness of a high condition!
--A poor body must not put in a word, when they take it into their heads
to be angry! What a fine time a person of an equal condition would have
of it, if she were even to marry such a one!--His poor dear mother
spoiled him at first. Nobody must speak to him or contradict him, as I
have heard, when he was a child; and so he has not been used to be
controlled, and cannot bear the least thing that crosses his violent
will. This is one of the blessings attending men of high condition!
Much good may do them with their pride of birth, and pride of fortune!
say I:--All that it serves for, as far as I can see, is, to multiply
their disquiets, and every body's else that has to do with them.
So, so! where will this end?--Mrs. Jewkes has been with me from him, and
she says, I must get out of the house this moment. Well, said I, but
whither am I to be carried next? Why, home, said she, to your father and
mother. And can it be? said I; No, no, I doubt I shall not be so happy
as that!--To be sure some bad design is on foot again! To be sure it
is!--Sure, sure, said I, Mrs. Jewkes, he has not found out some other
housekeeper worse than you! She was very angry, you may well think. But
I know she can't be made worse than she is.
She came up again. Are you ready? said she. Bless me, said I, you are
very hasty! I have heard of this not a quarter of an hour ago. But I
shall be soon ready; for I have but little to take with me, and no kind
friends in this house to take leave of, to delay me. Yet, like a fool, I
can't help crying.--Pray, said I, just step down, and ask, if I may not
have my papers.
So, I am quite ready now, against she comes up with an answer; and so I
will put up these few writings in my bosom, that I have left.
I don't know what to think--nor how to judge; but I shall never believe I
am with you, till I am on my knees before you, begging both your
blessings. Yet I am sorry he is so angry with me! I thought I did not
say so much!
There is, I see, the chariot drawn out, the horses too, the grim Colbrand
going to get on horseback. What will be the end of all this?
Monday.
Well, where this will end, I cannot say. But here I am, at a little poor
village, almost such a one as yours! I shall learn the name of it by and
by: and Robin assures me, he has orders to carry me to you, my dear
father and mother. O that he may say truth, and not deceive me again!
But having nothing else to do, and I am sure I shall not sleep a wink to-
night, if I was to go to bed, I will write my time away, and take up my
story where I left off, on Sunday afternoon.
Mrs. Jewkes came up to me, with this answer about my papers: My master
says, he will not read them yet, lest he should be moved by any thing in
them to alter his resolution. But if he should think it worth while to
read them, he will send them to you, afterwards, to your father's. But,
said she, here are your guineas that I borrowed: for all is over now with
you, I find.
She saw me cry, and said, Do you repent?--Of what? said I.--Nay, I can't
tell, replied she; but, to be sure, he has had a taste of your satirical
flings, or he would not be so angry. O! continued she, and held up her
hand, thou hast a spirit!--But I hope it will now be brought down.--I
hope so too, said I.
Well, added I, I am ready. She lifted up the window, and said, I'll call
Robin to take your portmanteau: Bag and baggage! proceeded she, I'm glad
you're going. I have no words, said I, to throw away upon you, Mrs.
Jewkes; but, making her a very low courtesy, I most heartily thank you
for all your virtuous civilities to me. And so adieu; for I'll have no
portmanteau, I'll assure you, nor any thing but these few things that I
brought with me in my handkerchief, besides what I have on. For I had
all this time worn my own bought clothes, though my master would have had
it otherwise often: but I had put up paper, ink, and pens, however.
So down I went, and as I passed by the parlour, she stepped in, and said,
Sir, you have nothing to say to the girl before she goes? I heard him
reply, though I did not see him, Who bid you say, the girl, Mrs. Jewkes,
in that manner? She has offended only me.
I beg your honour's pardon, said the wretch; but if I was your honour,
she should not, for all the trouble she has cost you, go away scot-free.
No more of this, as I told you before, said he: What! when I have such
proof, that her virtue is all her pride, shall I rob her of that?--No,
added he, let her go, perverse and foolish as she is; but she deserves to
go honest, and she shall go so!
I was so transported with this unexpected goodness, that I opened the
door before I knew what I did; and said, falling on my knees at the door,
with my hands folded, and lifted up, O thank you, thank your honour, a
million of times!--May God bless you for this instance of your goodness
to me! I will pray for you as long as I live, and so shall my dear
father and mother. And, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, I will pray for you too,
poor wicked wretch that you are!
He turned from me, and went into his closet, and shut the door. He need
not have done so; for I would not have gone nearer to him!
Surely I did not say so much, to incur all this displeasure.
I think I was loath to leave the house. Can you believe it?--What could
be the matter with me, I wonder?--I felt something so strange, and my
heart was so lumpish!--I wonder what ailed me!--But this was so
unexpected!--I believe that was all!--Yet I am very strange still.
Surely, surely, I cannot be like the old murmuring Israelites, to long
after the onions and garlick of Egypt, when they had suffered there such
heavy bondage?--I'll take thee, O lumpish, contradictory, ungovernable
heart! to severe task, for this thy strange impulse, when I get to my
dear father's and mother's; and if I find any thing in thee that should
not be, depend upon it thou shalt be humbled, if strict abstinence,
prayer, and mortification, will do it!
But yet, after all, this last goodness of his has touched me too
sensibly. I wish I had not heard it, almost; and yet, methinks, I am
glad I did; for I should rejoice to think the best of him, for his own
sake.
Well, and so I went out to the chariot, the same that brought me down.
So, Mr. Robert, said I, here I am again! a poor sporting-piece for the
great! a mere tennis-ball of fortune! You have your orders, I hope.
Yes, madam, said he. Pray, now, said I, don't madam me, nor stand with
your hat off to such a one as I. Had not my master, said he, ordered me
not to be wanting in respect to you, I would have shewn you all I could.
Well, said I, with my heart full, that's very kind, Mr. Robert.
Mr. Colbrand, mounted on horseback, with pistols before him, came up to
me, as soon as I got in, with his hat off too. What, monsieur! said I,
are you to go with me?--Part of the way, he said, to see you safe. I
hope that's kind too, in you, Mr. Colbrand, said I.
I had nobody to wave my handkerchief to now, nor to take leave of; and so
I resigned myself to my contemplations, with this strange wayward heart
of mine, that I never found so ungovernable and awkward before.
So away drove the chariot!--And when I had got out of the elm-walk, and
into the great road, I could hardly think but I was in a dream all the
time. A few hours before, in my master's arms almost, with twenty kind
things said to me, and a generous concern for the misfortunes he had
brought upon me; and only by one rash half-word exasperated against me,
and turned out of doors, at an hour's warning; and all his kindness
changed to hate! And I now, from three o'clock to five, several miles
off! But if I am going to you, all will be well again, I hope.
Lack-a-day, what strange creatures are men! gentlemen, I should say,
rather! For, my dear deserving good mother, though poverty be both your
lots, has had better hap, and you are, and have always been, blest in one
another!--Yet this pleases me too; he was so good, he would not let Mrs.
Jewkes speak ill of me, and scorned to take her odious unwomanly advice.
O, what a black heart has this poor wretch! So I need not rail against
men so much; for my master, bad as I have thought him, is not half so bad
as this woman.--To be sure she must be an atheist!--Do you think she is
not?
We could not reach further than this little poor place and sad alehouse,
rather than inn; for it began to be dark, and Robin did not make so much
haste as he might have done; and he was forced to make hard shift for his
horses.
Mr. Colbrand, and Robert too, are very civil. I see he has got my
portmanteau lashed behind the coach. I did not desire it; but I shall
not come quite empty.
A thorough riddance of me, I see!--Bag and baggage! as Mrs. Jewkes says.
Well, my story surely would furnish out a surprising kind of novel, if it
was to be well told.
Mr. Robert came up to me, just now, and begged me to eat something: I
thanked him; but said, I could not eat. I bid him ask Mr. Colbrand to
walk up; and he came; but neither of them would sit; nor put their hats
on. What mockado is this, to such a poor soul as I! I asked them, if
they were at liberty to tell me the truth of what they were to do with
me? If not, I would not desire it.--They both said, Robin was ordered to
carry me to my father's; and Mr. Colbrand was to leave me within ten
miles, and then strike off for the other house, and wait till my master
arrived there. They both spoke so solemnly, that I could not but believe
them.
But when Robin went down, the other said, he had a letter to give me next
day at noon, when we baited, as we were to do, at Mrs. Jewkes's
relation's.--May I not, said I, beg the favour to see it to-night? He
seemed so loath to deny me, that I have hopes I shall prevail on him by
and by.
Well, my dear father and mother, I have got the letter, on great promises
of secrecy, and making no use of it. I will try if I can open it without
breaking the seal, and will take a copy of it by and by; for Robin is in
and out: there being hardly any room in this little house for one to be
long alone. Well, this is the letter:
'When these lines are delivered to you, you will be far on your way to
your father and mother, where you have so long desired to be: and, I
hope, I shall forbear thinking of you with the least shadow of that
fondness my foolish heart had entertained for you: I bear you, however,
no ill will; but the end of my detaining you being over, I would not that
you should tarry with me an hour more than needed, after the ungenerous
preference you gave, at a time that I was inclined to pass over all other
considerations, for an honourable address to you; for well I found the
tables entirely turned upon me, and that I was in far more danger from
you, than you were from me; for I was just upon resolving to defy all the
censures of the world, and to make you my wife.
'I will acknowledge another truth: That, had I not parted with you as I
did, but permitted you to stay till I had read your journal, reflecting,
as I doubt not I shall find it, and till I had heard your bewitching
pleas in your own behalf, I feared I could not trust myself with my own
resolution. And this is the reason, I frankly own, that I have
determined not to see you, nor hear you speak; for well I know my
weakness in your favour.
'But I will get the better of this fond folly: Nay, I hope I have already
done it, since it was likely to cost me so dear. And I write this to
tell you, that I wish you well with all my heart, though you have spread
such mischief through my family.--And yet I cannot but say that I could
wish you would not think of marrying in haste; and, particularly, that
you would not have this cursed Williams.--But what is all this to me
now?--Only, my weakness makes me say, That as I had already looked upon
you as mine, and you have so soon got rid of your first husband; so you
will not refuse, to my memory, the decency that every common person
observes, to pay a twelvemonth's compliment, though but a mere
compliment, to my ashes.
'Your papers shall be faithfully returned you; and I have paid so dear
for my curiosity in the affection they have rivetted upon me for you,
that you would look upon yourself amply revenged if you knew what they
have cost me.
'I thought of writing only a few lines; but I have run into length. I
will now try to recollect my scattered thoughts, and resume my reason;
and shall find trouble enough to replace my affairs, and my own family,
and to supply the chasms you have made in it: For, let me tell you,
though I can forgive you, I never can my sister, nor my domestics; for my
vengeance must be wreaked somewhere.
'I doubt not your prudence in forbearing to expose me any more than is
necessary for your own justification; and for that I will suffer myself
to be accused by you, and will also accuse myself, if it be needful. For
I am, and will ever be, 'Your affectionate well-wisher.'
This letter, when I expected some new plot, has affected me more than any
thing of that sort could have done. For here is plainly his great value
for me confessed, and his rigorous behaviour accounted for in such a
manner, as tortures me much. And all this wicked gipsy story is, as it
seems, a forgery upon us both, and has quite ruined me: For, O my dear
parents, forgive me! but I found, to my grief, before, that my heart was
too partial in his favour; but now with so much openness, so much
affection; nay, so much honour too, (which was all I had before doubted,
and kept me on the reserve,) I am quite overcome. This was a happiness,
however, I had no reason to expect. But, to be sure, I must own to you,
that I shall never be able to think of any body in the world but him.--
Presumption! you will say; and so it is: But love is not a voluntary
thing: Love, did I say?--But come, I hope not:--At least it is not, I
hope, gone so far as to make me very uneasy: For I know not how it came,
nor when it began; but crept, crept it has, like a thief, upon me; and
before I knew what was the matter, it looked like love.
I wish, since it is too late, and my lot determined, that I had not had
this letter, nor heard him take my part to that vile woman; for then I
should have blessed myself in having escaped so happily his designing
arts upon my virtue: but now my poor mind is all topsy-turvied, and I
have made an escape to be more a prisoner.
But I hope, since thus it is, that all will be for the best; and I shall,
with your prudent advice, and pious prayers, be able to overcome this
weakness.--But, to be sure, my dear sir, I will keep a longer time than a
twelvemonth, as a true widow, for a compliment, and more than a
compliment, to your ashes! O the dear word!--How kind, how moving, how
affectionate is the word! O why was I not a duchess, to shew my
gratitude for it! But must labour under the weight of an obligation,
even had this happiness befallen me, that would have pressed me to death,
and which I never could return by a whole life of faithful love, and
cheerful obedience.
O forgive your poor daughter!--I am sorry to find this trial so sore upon
me; and that all the weakness of my weak sex, and tender years, who never
before knew what it was to be so touched, is come upon me, and too mighty
to be withstood by me.--But time, prayer, and resignation to God's will,
and the benefits of your good lessons, and examples, I hope, will enable
me to get over this so heavy a trial.
O my treacherous, treacherous heart! to serve me thus! and give no notice
to me of the mischiefs thou wast about to bring upon me!--But thus
foolishly to give thyself up to the proud invader, without ever
consulting thy poor mistress in the least! But thy punishment will be
the first and the greatest; and well deservest thou to smart, O
perfidious traitor! for giving up so weakly thy whole self, before a
summons came; and to one, too, who had used me so hardly; and when,
likewise, thou hadst so well maintained thy post against the most violent
and avowed, and, therefore, as I thought, more dangerous attacks!
After all, I must either not shew you this my weakness, or tear it out of
my writing. Memorandum: to consider of this, when I get home.
Monday morning, eleven o'clock.
We are just come in here, to the inn kept by Mrs. Jewkes's relation. The
first compliment I had, was in a very impudent manner, How I liked the
'squire?--I could not help saying, Bold, forward woman! Is it for you,
who keep an inn, to treat passengers at this rate? She was but in jest,
she said, and asked pardon: And she came, and begged excuse again, very
submissively, after Robin and Mr. Colbrand had talked to her a little.
The latter here, in great form, gave me, before Robin, the letter which I
had given him back for that purpose. And I retired, as if to read it;
and so I did; for I think I can't read it too often; though, for my peace
of mind's sake, I might better try to forget it. I am sorry, methinks, I
cannot bring you back a sound heart; but, indeed, it is an honest one, as
to any body but me; for it has deceived nobody else: Wicked thing that it
is!
More and more surprising things still----
Just as I had sat down, to try to eat a bit of victuals, to get ready to
pursue my journey, came in Mr. Colbrand in a mighty hurry. O madam!
madam! said he, here be de groom from de 'Squire B----, all over in a
lather, man and horse! O how my heart went pit-a-pat! What now, thought
I, is to come next! He went out, and presently returned with a letter
for me, and another, enclosed, for Mr. Colbrand. This seemed odd, and
put me all in a trembling. So I shut the door; and never, sure, was the
like known! found the following agreeable contents:--
'In vain, my Pamela, do I find it to struggle against my affection for
you. I must needs, after you were gone, venture to entertain myself with
your Journal, when I found Mrs. Jewkes's bad usage of you, after your
dreadful temptations and hurts; and particularly your generous concern
for me, on hearing how narrowly I escaped drowning; (though my death
would have been your freedom, and I had made it your interest to wish
it); and your most agreeable confession in another place, that,
notwithstanding all my hard usage of you, you could not hate me; and that
expressed in so sweet, so soft, and so innocent a manner, that I flatter
myself you may be brought to love me: (together with the other parts of
your admirable Journal:) I began to repent my parting with you; but, God
is my witness! for no unlawful end, as you would call it; but the very
contrary: and the rather, as all this was improved in your favour, by
your behaviour at leaving my house: For, oh! that melodious voice praying
for me at your departure, and thanking me for my rebuke to Mrs. Jewkes,
still hangs upon my ears, and delights my memory. And though I went to
bed, I could not rest; but about two got up, and made Thomas get one of
the best horses ready, in order to set out to overtake you, while I sat
down to write this to you.
'Now, my dear Pamela, let me beg of you, on the receipt of this, to order
Robin to drive you back again to my house. I would have set out myself,
for the pleasure of bearing you company back in the chariot; but am
really indisposed; I believe, with vexation that I should part thus with
my soul's delight, as I now find you are, and must be, in spite of the
pride of my own heart.
'You cannot imagine the obligation your return will lay me under to your
goodness; and yet, if you will not so far favour me, you shall be under
no restraint, as you will see by my letter enclosed to Colbrand; which I
have not sealed, that you may read it. But spare me, my dearest girl!
the confusion of following you to your father's; which I must do, if you
persist to go on; for I find I cannot live a day without you.
'If you are the generous Pamela I imagine you to be, (for hitherto you
have been all goodness, where it has not been merited,) let me see, by
this new instance, the further excellence of your disposition; let me see
you can forgive the man who loves you more than himself; let me see, by
it, that you are not prepossessed in any other person's favour: And one
instance more I would beg, and then I am all gratitude; and that is, that
you would despatch Monsieur Colbrand with a letter to your father,
assuring him that all will end happily; and to desire, that he will send
to you, at my house, the letters you found means, by Williams's
conveyance, to send him. And when I have all my proud, and, perhaps,
punctilious doubts answered, I shall have nothing to do, but to make you
happy, and be so myself. For I must be 'Yours, and only yours.'
'Monday morn, near three o'clock.'
O my exulting heart! how it throbs in my bosom, as if it would reproach
me for so lately upbraiding it for giving way to the love of so dear a
gentleman!--But take care thou art not too credulous neither, O fond
believer! Things that we wish, are apt to gain a too ready credence with
us. This sham-marriage is not yet cleared up: Mrs. Jewkes, the vile Mrs.
Jewkes! may yet instigate the mind of this master: His pride of heart,
and pride of condition, may again take place: And a man that could in so
little a space, first love me, then hate, then banish me his house, and
send me away disgracefully; and now send for me again, in such
affectionate terms, may still waver, may still deceive thee. Therefore
will I not acquit thee yet, O credulous, fluttering, throbbing mischief!
that art so ready to believe what thou wishest! And I charge thee to
keep better guard than thou hast lately done, and lead me not to follow
too implicitly thy flattering and desirable impulses. Thus foolishly
dialogued I with my heart; and yet, all the time, this heart is Pamela.
I opened the letter to Monsieur Colbrand; which was in these words:--
'MONSIEUR,
'I am sure you'll excuse the trouble I give you. I have, for good
reasons, changed my mind; and I have besought it, as a favour, that Mrs.
Andrews will return to me the moment Tom reaches you. I hope, for the
reasons I have given her, she will have the goodness to oblige me. But,
if not, you are to order Robin to pursue his directions, and set her down
at her father's door. If she will oblige me in her return, perhaps
she'll give you a letter to her father, for some papers to be delivered
to you for her; which you'll be so good, in that case, to bring to her
here: But if she will not give you such a letter, you'll return with her
to me, if she please to favour me so far; and that with all expedition,
that her health and safety will permit; for I am pretty much indisposed;
but hope it will be but slight, and soon go off. I am 'Yours, etc.'
'On second thoughts, let Tom go forward with Mrs. Andrews's letter, if
she pleases to give one; and you return with her, for her safety.'
Now this is a dear generous manner of treating me. O how I love to be
generously used!--Now, my dear parents, I wish I could consult you for
your opinions, how I should act. Should I go back, or should I not?--I
doubt he has got too great hold in my heart, for me to be easy presently,
if I should refuse: And yet this gipsy information makes me fearful.
Well, I will, I think, trust in his generosity! Yet is it not too great
a trust?--especially considering how I have been used!--But then that was
while he avowed his bad designs; and now he gives great hope of his good
ones. And I may be the means of making many happy, as well as myself, by
placing a generous confidence in him.
And then, I think, he might have sent to Colbrand, or to Robin, to carry
me back, whether I would or not. And how different is his behaviour to
that! And would it not look as if I was prepossessed, as he calls it, if
I don't oblige him; and as if it was a silly female piece of pride, to
make him follow me to my father's; and as if I would use him hardly in my
turn, for his having used me ill in his? Upon the whole, I resolved to
obey him; and if he uses me ill afterwards, double will be his ungenerous
guilt!--Though hard will be my lot, to have my credulity so justly
blamable, as it will then seem. For, to be sure, the world, the wise
world, that never is wrong itself, judges always by events. And if he
should use me ill, then I shall be blamed for trusting him: If well, O
then I did right, to be sure!--But how would my censurers act in my case,
before the event justifies or condemns the action, is the question?
Then I have no notion of obliging by halves; but of doing things with a
grace, as one may say, where they are to be done; and so I wrote the
desired letter to you, assuring you, that I had before me happier
prospects than ever I had; and hoped all would end well: And that I
begged you would send me, by the bearer, Mr. Thomas, my master's groom,
those papers, which I had sent you by Mr. Williams's conveyance: For that
they imported me much, for clearing up a point in my conduct, that my
master was desirous to know, before he resolved to favour me, as he had
intended.--But you will have that letter, before you can have this; for I
would not send you this without the preceding; which now is in my
master's hands.
And so, having given the letter to Mr. Thomas for him to carry to you,
when he had baited and rested after his great fatigue, I sent for
Monsieur Colbrand, and Robin, and gave to the former his letter; and when
he had read it, I said, You see how things stand. I am resolved to
return to our master; and as he is not so well as were to be wished, the
more haste you make the better: and don't mind my fatigue, but consider
only yourselves, and the horses. Robin, who guessed the matter, by his
conversation with Thomas, (as I suppose,) said, God bless you, madam, and
reward you, as your obligingness to my good master deserves; and may we
all live to see you triumph over Mrs. Jewkes!
I wondered to hear him say so; for I was always careful of exposing my
master, or even that naughty woman, before the common servants. But yet
I question whether Robin would have said this, if he had not guessed, by
Thomas's message, and my resolving to return, that I might stand well
with his master. So selfish are the hearts of poor mortals, that they
are ready to change as favour goes!
So they were not long getting ready; and I am just setting out, back
again: and I hope I shall have no reason to repent it.
Robin put on very vehemently; and when we came to the little town, where
we lay on Sunday night, he gave his horses a bait, and said, he would
push for his master's that night, as it would be moon-light, if I should
not be too much fatigued because there was no place between that and the
town adjacent to his master's, fit to put up at, for the night. But
Monsieur Colbrand's horse beginning to give way, made a doubt between
them: wherefore I said, (hating to be on the road,) if it could be done,
I should bear it well enough, I hoped; and that Monsieur Colbrand might
leave his horse, when it failed, at some house, and come into the
chariot. This pleased them both; and, about twelve miles short, he left
the horse, and took off his spurs and holsters, etc. and, with abundance
of ceremonial excuses, came into the chariot; and I sat the easier for
it; for my bones ached sadly with the jolting, and so many miles
travelling in so few hours, as I have done, from Sunday night, five
o'clock. But, for all this, it was eleven o'clock at night, when we came
to the village adjacent to my master's; and the horses began to be very
much tired, and Robin too: but I said, It would be pity to put up only
three miles short of the house.
So about one we reached the gate; but every body was a-bed. But one of
the helpers got the keys from Mrs. Jewkes, and opened the gates; and the
horses could hardly crawl into the stable. And I, when I went to get out
of the chariot, fell down, and thought I had lost the use of my limbs.
Mrs. Jewkes came down with her clothes huddled on, and lifted up her
hands and eyes, at my return; but shewed more care of the horses than of
me. By that time the two maids came; and I made shift to creep in, as
well as I could.
It seems my poor master was very ill indeed, and had been upon the bed
most part of the day; and Abraham (who succeeded John) sat up with him.
And he was got into a fine sleep, and heard not the coach come in, nor
the noise we made; for his chamber lies towards the garden,--on the other
side of the house. Mrs. Jewkes said, He had a feverish complaint, and
had been blooded; and, very prudently, ordered Abraham, when he awaked,
not to tell him I was come, for fear of surprising him, and augmenting
his fever; nor, indeed, to say any thing of me, till she herself broke it
to him in the morning, as she should see how he was.
So I went to bed with Mrs. Jewkes, after she had caused me to drink
almost half a pint of burnt wine, made very rich and cordial, with
spices; which I found very refreshing, and set me into a sleep I little
hoped for.
Tuesday morning.
Getting up pretty early, I have written thus far, while Mrs. Jewkes lies
snoring in bed, fetching up her last night's disturbance. I long for her
rising, to know how my poor master does. 'Tis well for her she can sleep
so purely. No love, but for herself, will ever break her rest, I am
sure. I am deadly sore all over, as if I had been soundly beaten. I did
not think I could have lived under such fatigue.
Mrs. Jewkes, as soon as she got up, went to know how my master did, and
he had had a good night; and, having drank plentifully of sack whey, had
sweated much; so that his fever had abated considerably. She said to
him, that he must not be surprised, and she would tell him news. He
asked, What? And she said, I was come. He raised himself up in his bed;
Can it be? said he--What, already!--She told him I came last night.
Monsieur Colbrand coming to inquire of his health, he ordered him to draw
near him, and was highly pleased with the account he gave him of the
journey, my readiness to come back, and my willingness to reach home that
night. And he said, Why, these tender fair ones, I think, bear fatigue
better than us men. But she is very good, to give me such an instance of
her readiness to oblige me. Pray, Mrs. Jewkes, said he, take great care
of her health! and let her be a-bed all day. She told him I had been up
these two hours. Ask her, said he, if she will be so good as to make me
a visit: If she won't, I'll rise, and go to her. Indeed, sir, said she,
you must be still; and I'll go to her. But don't urge her too much, said
he, if she be unwilling.
She came to me, and told me all the above; and I said, I would most
willingly wait upon him; for, indeed, I longed to see him, and was much
grieved he was so ill.--So I went down with her. Will she come? said he,
as I entered the room. Yes, sir, said we; and she said, at the first
word, Most willingly.--Sweet excellence! said he.
As soon as he saw me, he said, O my beloved Pamela! you have made me
quite well. I'm concerned to return my acknowledgments to you in so
unfit a place and manner; but will you give me your hand? I did, and he
kissed it with great eagerness. Sir, said I, you do me too much honour!
--I am sorry you are so ill.--I can't be ill, said he, while you are with
me. I am very well already.
Well, said he, and kissed my hand again, you shall not repent this
goodness. My heart is too full of it to express myself as I ought. But
I am sorry you have had such a fatiguing time of it.--Life is no life
without you! If you had refused me, and yet I had hardly hopes you would
oblige me, I should have had a severe fit of it, I believe; for I was
taken very oddly, and knew not what to make of myself: but now I shall be
well instantly. You need not, Mrs. Jewkes, added he, send for the doctor
from Stamford, as we talked yesterday; for this lovely creature is my
doctor, as her absence was my disease.
He begged me to sit down by his bed-side, and asked me, if I had obliged
him with sending for my former packet? I said I had, and hoped it would
be brought. He said it was doubly kind.
I would not stay long because of disturbing him. And he got up in the
afternoon, and desired my company; and seemed quite pleased, easy, and
much better. He said, Mrs. Jewkes, after this instance of my good
Pamela's obligingness in her return, I am sure we ought to leave her
entirely at her own liberty; and pray, if she pleases to take a turn in
our chariot, or in the garden, or to the town, or wherever she will, let
her be left at liberty, and asked no questions; and do you do all in your
power to oblige her. She said she would, to be sure.
He took my hand, and said, One thing I will tell you, Pamela, because I
know you will be glad to hear it, and yet not care to ask me: I had,
before you went, taken Williams's bond for the money; for how the poor
man had behaved I can't tell, but he could get no bail; and if I have no
fresh reason given me, perhaps I shall not exact the payment; and he has
been some time at liberty, and now follows his school; but, methinks, I
could wish you would not see him at present.
Sir, said I, I will not do any thing to disoblige you wilfully; and I am
glad he is at liberty, because I was the occasion of his misfortunes. I
durst say no more, though I wanted to plead for the poor gentleman;
which, in gratitude, I thought I ought, when I could do him service. I
said, I am sorry, sir, Lady Davers, who loves you so well, should have
incurred your displeasure, and that there should be any variance between
your honour and her; I hope it was not on my account. He took out of his
waistcoat pocket, as he sat in his gown, his letter-case, and said, Here,
Pamela, read that when you go up stairs, and let me have your thoughts
upon it; and that will let you into the affair.
He said he was very heavy of a sudden, and would lie down, and indulge
for that day; and if he was better in the morning, would take an airing
in the chariot. And so I took my leave for the present, and went up to
my closet, and read the letter he was pleased to put into my hands; which
is as follows:--
'BROTHER,
'I am very uneasy at what I hear of you; and must write, whether it
please you or not, my full mind. I have had some people with me,
desiring me to interpose with you; and they have a greater regard for
your honour, than, I am sorry to say it, you have yourself. Could I
think, that a brother of mine would so meanly run away with my late dear
mother's waiting-maid, and keep her a prisoner from all her friends, and
to the disgrace of your own? But I thought, when you would not let the
wench come to me on my mother's death, that you meant no good.--I blush
for you, I'll assure you. The girl was an innocent, good girl; but I
suppose that's over with her now, or soon will. What can you mean by
this, let me ask you? Either you will have her for a kept mistress, or
for a wife. If the former, there are enough to be had without ruining a
poor wench that my mother loved, and who really was a very good girl: and
of this you may be ashamed. As to the other, I dare say you don't think
of it; but if you should, you would be utterly inexcusable. Consider,
brother, that ours is no upstart family; but is as ancient as the best in
the kingdom! and, for several hundreds of years, it has never been known,
that the heirs of it have disgraced themselves by unequal matches: And
you know you have been sought to by some of the best families in the
nation, for your alliance. It might be well enough, if you were
descended of a family of yesterday, or but a remove or two from the dirt
you seem so fond of. But, let me tell you, that I, and all mine, will
renounce you for ever, if you can descend so meanly; and I shall be
ashamed to be called your sister. A handsome man, as you are, in your
person; so happy in the gifts of your mind, that every body courts your
company; and possessed of such a noble and clear estate; and very rich in
money besides, left you by the best of fathers and mothers, with such
ancient blood in your veins, untainted! for you to throw away yourself
thus, is intolerable; and it would be very wicked in you to ruin the
wench too. So that I beg you will restore her to her parents, and give
her 100l. or so, to make her happy in some honest fellow of her own
degree; and that will be doing something, and will also oblige and pacify
'Your much grieved sister.'
'If I have written too sharply, consider it is my love to you, and the
shame you are bringing upon yourself; and I wish this may have the effect
upon you, intended by your very loving sister.'
This is a sad letter, my dear father and mother; and one may see how poor
people are despised by the proud and the rich! and yet we were all on a
foot originally: And many of these gentry, that brag of their ancient
blood, would be glad to have it as wholesome, and as really untainted, as
ours!--Surely these proud people never think what a short stage life is;
and that, with all their vanity; a time is coming, when they shall be
obliged to submit to be on a level with us: And true said the
philosopher, when he looked upon the skull of a king, and that of a poor
man, that he saw no difference between them. Besides, do they not know,
that the richest of princes, and the poorest of beggars, are to have one
great and tremendous judge, at the last day; who will not distinguish
between them, according to their circumstances in life?--But, on the
contrary, may make their condemnations the greater, as their neglected
opportunities were the greater? Poor souls! how do I pity their pride!--
O keep me, Heaven! from their high condition, if my mind shall ever be
tainted with their vice! or polluted with so cruel and inconsiderate a
contempt of the humble estate which they behold with so much scorn!
But, besides, how do these gentry know, that, supposing they could trace
back their ancestry for one, two, three, or even five hundred years, that
then the original stems of these poor families, though they have not kept
such elaborate records of their good-for nothingness, as it often proves,
were not still deeper rooted?--And how can they be assured, that one
hundred years hence, or two, some of those now despised upstart families
may not revel in their estates, while their descendants may be reduced to
the others' dunghills!--And, perhaps, such is the vanity, as well as
changeableness, of human estates, in their turns set up for pride of
family, and despise the others!
These reflections occurred to my thoughts, made serious by my master's
indisposition, and this proud letter of the lowly Lady Davers, against
the high-minded Pamela. Lowly, I say, because she could stoop to such
vain pride; and high-minded I, because I hope I am too proud ever to do
the like!--But, after all, poor wretches that we be! we scarce know what
we are, much less what we shall be!--But, once more pray I to be kept
from the sinful pride of a high estate.
On this occasion I recall the following lines, which I have read; where
the poet argues in a much better manner:--
"------------Wise Providence
Does various parts for various minds dispense:
The meanest slaves, or those who hedge and ditch,
Are useful, by their sweat, to feed the rich.
The rich, in due return, impart their store;
Which comfortably feeds the lab'ring poor.
Nor let the rich the lowest slave disdain:
He's equally a link of Nature's chain:
Labours to the same end, joins in one view;
And both alike the will divine pursue;
And, at the last, are levell'd, king and slave,
Without distinction, in the silent grave."
Wednesday morning.
My master sent me a message just now, that he was so much better, that he
would take a turn, after breakfast, in the chariot, and would have me
give him my company. I hope I shall know how to be humble, and comport
myself as I should do, under all these favours.
Mrs. Jewkes is one of the most obliging creatures in the world; and I
have such respects shewn me by every one, as if I was as great as Lady
Davers--But now, if this should all end in the sham-marriage!--It cannot
be, I hope. Yet the pride of greatness and ancestry, and such-like, is
so strongly set out in Lady Davers's letter, that I cannot flatter myself
to be so happy as all these desirable appearances make for me. Should I
be now deceived, I should be worse off than ever. But I shall see what
light this new honour will procure me!--So I'll get ready. But I won't,
I think, change my garb. Should I do it, it would look as if I would be
nearer on a level with him: and yet, should I not, it might be thought a
disgrace to him: but I will, I think, open the portmanteau, and, for the
first time since I came hither, put on my best silk nightgown. But then
that will be making myself a sort of right to the clothes I had
renounced; and I am not yet quite sure I shall have no other crosses to
encounter. So I will go as I am; for, though ordinary, I am as clean as
a penny, though I say it. So I'll e'en go as I am, except he orders
otherwise. Yet Mrs. Jewkes says, I ought to dress as fine as I can.--But
I say, I think not. As my master is up, and at breakfast, I will venture
down to ask him how he will have me be.
Well, he is kinder and kinder, and, thank God, purely recovered!--How
charmingly he looks, to what he did yesterday! Blessed be God for it!
He arose, and came to me, and took me by the hand, and would set me down
by him; and he said, My charming girl seemed going to speak. What would
you say?--Sir, said I, (a little ashamed,) I think it is too great an
honour to go into the chariot with you. No, my dear Pamela, said he; the
pleasure of your company will be greater than the honour of mine; and so
say no more on that head.
But, sir, said I, I shall disgrace you to go thus. You would grace a
prince, my fair-one, said the good, kind, kind gentleman! in that dress,
or any you shall choose: And you look so pretty, that, if you shall not
catch cold in that round-eared cap, you shall go just as you are. But,
sir, said I, then you'll be pleased to go a bye-way, that it mayn't be
seen you do so much honor to your servant. O my good girl! said he, I
doubt you are afraid of yourself being talked of, more than me: for I
hope by degrees to take off the world's wonder, and teach them to expect
what is to follow, as a due to my Pamela.
O the dear good man! There's for you, my dear father and mother!--Did I
not do well now to come back?--O could I get rid of my fears of this
sham-marriage, (for all this is not yet inconsistent with that frightful
scheme,) I should be too happy!
So I came up, with great pleasure, for my gloves: and now wait his kind
commands. Dear, dear sir! said I to myself, as if I was speaking to him,
for God's sake let me have no more trials and reverses; for I could not
bear it now, I verily think!
At last the welcome message came, that my master was ready; and so I went
down as fast as I could; and he, before all the servants, handed me in,
as if I was a lady; and then came in himself. Mrs. Jewkes begged he
would take care he did not catch cold, as he had been ill. And I had the
pride to hear his new coachman say, to one of his fellow-servants, They
are a charming pair, I am sure! 'tis pity they should be parted!--O my
dear father and mother! I fear your girl will grow as proud as any
thing! And, especially, you will think I have reason to guard against
it, when you read the kind particulars I am going to relate.
He ordered dinner to be ready by two; and Abraham, who succeeds John,
went behind the coach. He bid Robin drive gently, and told me, he wanted
to talk to me about his sister Davers, and other matters. Indeed, at
first setting out he kissed me a little too often, that he did; and I was
afraid of Robin's looking back, through the fore-glass, and people seeing
us, as they passed; but he was exceedingly kind to me, in his words, as
well. At last, he said,
You have, I doubt not, read, over and over, my sister's saucy letter; and
find, as I told you, that you are no more obliged to her than I am. You
see she intimates, that some people had been with her; and who should
they be, but the officious Mrs. Jervis, and Mr. Longman, and Jonathan!
and so that has made me take the measures I did in dismissing them my
service.--I see, said he, you are going to speak on their behalfs; but
your time is not come to do that, if ever I shall permit it.
My sister, says he, I have been beforehand with; for I have renounced
her. I am sure I have been a kind brother to her; and gave her to the
value of 3000l. more than her share came to by my father's will, when I
entered upon my estate. And the woman, surely, was beside herself with
passion and insolence, when she wrote me such a letter; for well she knew
I would not bear it. But you must know, Pamela, that she is much
incensed, that I will give no ear to a proposal of hers, of a daughter of
my Lord ----, who, said he, neither in person, or mind, or acquirements,
even with all her opportunities, is to be named in a day with my Pamela.
But yet you see the plea, my girl, which I made to you before, of the
pride of condition, and the world's censure, which, I own, sticks a
little too close with me still: for a woman shines not forth to the
public as man; and the world sees not your excellencies and perfections:
If it did, I should entirely stand acquitted by the severest censures.
But it will be taken in the lump; that here is Mr. B----, with such and
such an estate, has married his mother's waiting-maid: not considering
there is not a lady in the kingdom that can out-do her, or better support
the condition to which she will be raised, if I should marry her. And,
said he, putting his arm round me, and again kissing me, I pity my dear
girl too, for her part in this censure; for, here will she have to combat
the pride and slights of the neighbouring gentry all around us. Sister
Davers, you see, will never be reconciled to you. The other ladies will
not visit you; and you will, with a merit superior to them all, be
treated as if unworthy their notice. Should I now marry my Pamela, how
will my girl relish all this? Won't these be cutting things to my fair-
one? For, as to me, I shall have nothing to do, but, with a good estate
in possession, to brazen out the matter of my former pleasantry on this
subject, with my companions of the chase, the green, and the assemblee;
stand their rude jests for once or twice, and my fortune will create me
always respect enough, I warrant you. But, I say, what will my poor girl
do, as to her part, with her own sex? For some company you must keep.
My station will not admit it to be with my servants; and the ladies will
fly your acquaintance; and still, though my wife, will treat you as my
mother's waiting-maid.--What says my girl to this?
You may well guess, my dear father and mother, how transporting these
kind, these generous and condescending sentiments were to me!--I thought
I had the harmony of the spheres all around me; and every word that
dropped from his lips was as sweet as the honey of Hybla to me.--Oh! sir,
said I, how inexpressibly kind and good is all this! Your poor servant
has a much greater struggle than this to go through, a more knotty
difficulty to overcome.
What is that? said he, a little impatiently: I will not forgive your
doubts now.--No, sir, said I, I cannot doubt; but it is, how I shall
support, how I shall deserve your goodness to me.--Dear girl! said he,
and hugged me to his breast, I was afraid you would have made me angry
again; but that I would not be, because I see you have a grateful heart;
and this your kind and cheerful return, after such cruel usage as you had
experienced in my house, enough to make you detest the place, has made me
resolve to bear any thing in you, but doubts of my honour, at a time when
I am pouring out my soul, with a true and affectionate ardour, before
you.
But, good sir, said I, my greatest concern will be for the rude jests you
will have yourself to encounter with, for thus stooping beneath yourself.
For, as to me, considering my lowly estate, and little merit, even the
slights and reflections of the ladies will be an honour to me: and I
shall have the pride to place more than half their ill will to their envy
at my happiness. And if I can, by the most cheerful duty, and resigned
obedience, have the pleasure to be agreeable to you, I shall think myself
but too happy, let the world say what it will.
He said, You are very good, my dearest girl! But how will you bestow
your time, when you will have no visits to receive or pay? No parties of
pleasure to join in? No card-tables to employ your winter evenings; and
even, as the taste is, half the day, summer and winter? And you have
often played with my mother, too, and so know how to perform a part
there, as well as in the other diversions: and I'll assure you, my girl,
I shall not desire you to live without such amusements, as my wife might
expect, were I to marry a lady of the first quality.
O, sir, said I, you are all goodness! How shall I bear it?--But do you
think, sir, in such a family as yours, a person whom you shall honour
with the name of mistress of it, will not find useful employments for her
time, without looking abroad for any others?
In the first place, sir, if you will give me leave, I will myself look
into such parts of the family economy, as may not be beneath the rank to
which I shall have the honour of being exalted, if any such there can be;
and this, I hope, without incurring the ill will of any honest servant.
Then, sir, I will ease you of as much of your family accounts, as I
possibly can, when I have convinced you that I am to be trusted with
them; and you know, sir, my late good lady made me her treasurer, her
almoner, and every thing.
Then, sir, if I must needs be visiting or visited, and the ladies won't
honour me so much, or even if they would now and then, I will visit, if
your goodness will allow me so to do, the sick poor in the neighbourhood
around you; and administer to their wants and necessities, in such
matters as may not be hurtful to your estate, but comfortable to them;
and entail upon you their blessings, and their prayers for your dear
health and welfare.
Then I will assist your housekeeper, as I used to do, in the making
jellies, comfits, sweetmeats, marmalades, cordials; and to pot, and
candy, and preserve for the uses of the family; and to make, myself, all
the fine linen of it for yourself and me.
Then, sir, if you will sometimes indulge me with your company, I will
take an airing in your chariot now and then: and when you shall return
home from your diversions on the green, or from the chase, or where you
shall please to go, I shall have the pleasure of receiving you with duty,
and a cheerful delight; and, in your absence, count the moments till you
return; and you will, may be, fill up some part of my time, the sweetest
by far! with your agreeable conversation, for an hour or two now and
then; and be indulgent to the impertinent overflowings of my grateful
heart, for all your goodness to me.
The breakfasting-time, the preparations for dinner, and sometimes to
entertain your chosen friends, and the company you shall bring home with
you, gentlemen, if not ladies, and the supperings, will fill up a great
part of the day in a very necessary manner.
And, may be, sir, now and then a good-humoured lady will drop in; and, I
hope, if they do, I shall so behave myself, as not to add to the disgrace
you will have brought upon yourself: for, indeed, I will be very
circumspect, and try to be as discreet as I can; and as humble too, as
shall be consistent with your honour.
Cards, 'tis true, I can play at, in all the usual games that our sex
delight in; but this I am not fond of, nor shall ever desire to play,
unless to induce such ladies, as you may wish to see, not to abandon your
house for want of an amusement they are accustomed to.
Music, which our good lady taught me, will fill up some intervals, if I
should have any.
And then, sir, you know, I love reading and scribbling; and though all
the latter will be employed in the family accounts, between the servants
and me, and me and your good self: yet reading, at proper times, will be
a pleasure to me, which I shall be unwilling to give up, for the best
company in the world, except yours. And, O sir! that will help to polish
my mind, and make me worthier of your company and conversation; and, with
the explanations you will give me, of what I shall not understand, will
be a sweet employment, and improvement too.
But one thing, sir, I ought not to forget, because it is the chief: My
duty to God will, I hope, always employ some good portion of my time,
with thanks for his superlative goodness to me; and to pray for you and
myself: for you, sir, for a blessing on you, for your great goodness to
such an unworthy creature: for myself, that I may be enabled to discharge
my duty to you, and be found grateful for all the blessings I shall
receive at the hands of Providence, by means of your generosity and
condescension.
With all this, sir, said I, can you think I shall be at a loss to pass my
time? But, as I know, that every slight to me, if I come to be so happy,
will be, in some measure, a slight to you, I will beg of you, sir, not to
let me go very fine in dress; but appear only so, as that you may not be
ashamed of it after the honour I shall have of being called by your
worthy name: for well I know, sir, that nothing so much excites the envy
of my own sex, as seeing a person above them in appearance, and in dress.
And that would bring down upon me an hundred saucy things, and low-born
brats, and I can't tell what!
There I stopped; for I had prattled a great deal too much so early: and
he said, clasping me to him, Why stops my dear Pamela?--Why does she not
proceed? I could dwell upon your words all the day long; and you shall
be the directress of your own pleasures, and your own time, so sweetly do
you choose to employ it: and thus shall I find some of my own bad actions
atoned for by your exemplary goodness, and God will bless me for your
sake.
O, said he, what pleasure you give me in this sweet foretaste of my
happiness! I will now defy the saucy, busy censurers of the world; and
bid them know your excellence, and my happiness, before they, with
unhallowed lips, presume to judge of my actions, and your merit!--And let
me tell you, my Pamela, that I can add my hopes of a still more pleasing
amusement, and what your bashful modesty would not permit you to hint;
and which I will no otherwise touch upon, lest it should seem, to your
nicety, to detract from the present purity of my good intentions, than to
say, I hope to have superadded to all these, such an employment, as will
give me a view of perpetuating my happy prospects, and my family at the
same time; of which I am almost the only male.
I blushed, I believe; yet could not be displeased at the decent and
charming manner with which he insinuated this distant hope: And oh! judge
for me, how my heart was affected with all these things!
He was pleased to add another charming reflection, which shewed me the
noble sincerity of his kind professions. I do own to you, my Pamela,
said he, that I love you with a purer flame than ever I knew in my whole
life; a flame to which I was a stranger; and which commenced for you in
the garden; though you, unkindly, by your unseasonable doubts, nipped the
opening bud, while it was too tender to bear the cold blasts of slight or
negligence. And I know more sincere joy and satisfaction in this sweet
hour's conversation with you, than all the guilty tumults of my former
passion ever did, or (had even my attempts succeeded) ever could have
afforded me.
O, sir, said I, expect not words from your poor servant, equal to these
most generous professions. Both the means, and the will, I now see, are
given to you, to lay me under an everlasting obligation. How happy shall
I be, if, though I cannot be worthy of all this goodness and
condescension, I can prove myself not entirely unworthy of it! But I can
only answer for a grateful heart; and if ever I give you cause, wilfully,
(and you will generously allow for involuntary imperfections,) to be
disgusted with me, may I be an outcast from your house and favour, and as
much repudiated, as if the law had divorced me from you!
But sir, continued I, though I was so unseasonable as I was in the
garden, you would, I flatter myself, had you then heard me, have pardoned
my imprudence, and owned I had some cause to fear, and to wish to be with
my poor father and mother: and this I the rather say, that you should not
think me capable of returning insolence for your goodness; or appearing
foolishly ungrateful to you, when you was so kind to me.
Indeed, Pamela, said he, you gave me great uneasiness; for I love you too
well not to be jealous of the least appearance of your indifference to
me, or preference to any other person, not excepting your parents
themselves. This made me resolve not to hear you; for I had not got over
my reluctance to marriage; and a little weight, you know, turns the
scale, when it hangs in an equal balance. But yet, you see, that though
I could part with you, while my anger held, yet the regard I had then
newly professed for your virtue, made me resolve not to offer to violate
it; and you have seen likewise, that the painful struggle I underwent
when I began to reflect, and to read your moving journal, between my
desire to recall you, and my doubt whether you would return, (though yet
I resolved not to force you to it,) had like to have cost me a severe
illness: but your kind and cheerful return has dispelled all my fears,
and given me hope, that I am not indifferent to you; and you see how your
presence has chased away my illness.
I bless God for it, said I; but since you are so good as to encourage me,
and will not despise my weakness, I will acknowledge, that I suffered
more than I could have imagined, till I experienced it, in being banished
your presence in so much anger; and the more still was I affected, when
you answered the wicked Mrs. Jewkes so generously in my favour, at my
leaving your house. For this, sir, awakened all my reverence for you;
and you saw I could not forbear, not knowing what I did, to break boldly
in upon you, and acknowledge your goodness on my knees. 'Tis true, my
dear Pamela, said he, we have sufficiently tortured one another; and the
only comfort that can result from it, will be, reflecting upon the matter
coolly and with pleasure, when all these storms are overblown, (as I hope
they now are,) and we sit together secured in each other's good opinion,
recounting the uncommon gradations by which we have ascended to the
summit of that felicity, which I hope we shall shortly arrive at.
Meantime, said the good gentleman, let me hear what my dear girl would
have said in her justification, could I have trusted myself with her, as
to her fears, and the reason of her wishing herself from me, at a time
that I had begun to shew my fondness for her, in a manner that I thought
would have been agreeable to her and virtue.
I pulled out of my pocket the gipsy letter; but I said, before I shewed
it to him, I have this letter, sir, to shew you, as what, I believe, you
will allow must have given me the greatest disturbance: but, first, as I
know not who is the writer, and it seems to be in a disguised hand, I
would beg it as a favour, that, if you guess who it is, which I cannot,
it may not turn to their prejudice, because it was written, very
probably, with no other view, than to serve me.
He took it, and read it. And it being signed Somebody, he said, Yes,
this is indeed from Somebody; and, disguised as the hand is, I know the
writer: Don't you see, by the setness of some of these letters, and a
little secretary cut here and there, especially in that c, and that r,
that it is the hand of a person bred in the law-way? Why, Pamela, said
he, 'tis old Longman's hand: an officious rascal as he is!--But I have
done with him. O sir, said I, it would be too insolent in me to offer
(so much am I myself overwhelmed with your goodness,) to defend any body
that you are angry with: Yet, sir, so far as they have incurred your
displeasure for my sake, and for no other want of duty or respect, I
could wish--But I dare not say more.
But, said he, as to the letter and the information it contains: Let me
know, Pamela, when you received this? On the Friday, sir, said I, that
you were gone to the wedding at Stamford.--How could it be conveyed to
you, said he, unknown to Mrs. Jewkes, when I gave her such a strict
charge to attend you, and you had promised me, that you would not throw
yourself in the way of such intelligence? For, said he, when I went to
Stamford, I knew, from a private intimation given me, that there would be
an attempt made to see you, or give you a letter, by somebody, if not to
get you away; but was not certain from what quarter, whether from my
sister Davers, Mrs. Jervis, Mr. Longman, or John Arnold, or your father;
and as I was then but struggling with myself, whether to give way to my
honourable inclinations, or to free you, and let you go to your father,
that I might avoid the danger I found myself in of the former; (for I had
absolutely resolved never to wound again even your ears with any
proposals of a contrary nature;) that was the reason I desired you to
permit Mrs. Jewkes to be so much on her guard till I came back, when I
thought I should have decided this disputed point within myself, between
my pride and my inclinations.
This, good sir, said I, accounts well to me for your conduct in that
case, and for what you said to me and Mrs. Jewkes on that occasion: And I
see more and more how much I may depend upon your honour and goodness to
me.--But I will tell you all the truth. And then I recounted to him the
whole affair of the gipsy, and how the letter was put among the loose
grass, etc. And he said, The man who thinks a thousand dragons
sufficient to watch a woman, when her inclination takes a contrary bent,
will find all too little; and she will engage the stones in the street,
or the grass in the field, to act for her, and help on her
correspondence. If the mind, said he, be not engaged, I see there is
hardly any confinement sufficient for the body; and you have told me a
very pretty story; and, as you never gave me any reason to question your
veracity, even in your severest trials, I make no doubt of the truth of
what you have now mentioned: and I will, in my turn, give you such a
proof of mine, that you shall find it carry a conviction with it.
You must know, then, my Pamela, that I had actually formed such a
project, so well informed was this old rascally Somebody! and the time
was fixed for the very person described in this letter to be here; and I
had thought he should have read some part of the ceremony (as little as
was possible, to deceive you) in my chamber; and so I hoped to have you
mine upon terms that then would have been much more agreeable to me than
real matrimony. And I did not in haste intend you the mortification of
being undeceived; so that we might have lived for years, perhaps, very
lovingly together; and I had, at the same time, been at liberty to
confirm or abrogate it as I pleased.
O sir, said I, I am out of breath with the thoughts of my danger! But
what good angel prevented the execution of this deep-laid design?
Why, your good angel, Pamela, said he; for when I began to consider, that
it would have made you miserable, and me not happy; that if you should
have a dear little one, it would be out of my own power to legitimate it,
if I should wish it to inherit my estate; and that, as I am almost the
last of my family, and most of what I possess must descend to a strange
line, and disagreeable and unworthy persons; notwithstanding that I
might, in this case, have issue of my own body; when I further considered
your untainted virtue, what dangers and trials you had undergone by my
means, and what a world of troubles I had involved you in, only because
you were beautiful and virtuous, which had excited all my passion for
you; and reflected also upon your tried prudence and truth! I, though I
doubted not effecting this my last plot, resolved to overcome myself;
and, however I might suffer in struggling with my affection for you, to
part with you, rather than to betray you under so black a veil. Besides,
said he, I remember how much I had exclaimed against and censured an
action of this kind, that had been attributed to one of the first men of
the law, and of the kingdom, as he afterwards became; and that it was but
treading in a path that another had marked out for me; and, as I was
assured, with no great satisfaction to himself, when he came to reflect;
my foolish pride was a little piqued with this, because I loved to be, if
I went out of the way, my own original, as I may call it. On all these
considerations it was, that I rejected this project, and sent word to the
person, that I had better considered of the matter, and would not have
him come, till he heard further from me: And, in this suspense I suppose,
some of your confederates, Pamela, (for we have been a couple of
plotters, though your virtue and merit have procured you faithful friends
and partisans, which my money and promises could hardly do,) one way or
other got knowledge of it, and gave you this notice; but, perhaps, it
would have come too late, had not your white angel got the better of my
black one, and inspired me with resolutions to abandon the project, just
as it was to have been put into execution. But yet I own, that, from
these appearances, you were but too well justified in your fears, on this
odd way of coming at this intelligence; and I have only one thing to
blame you for, that though I was resolved not to hear you in your own
defence, yet, as you have so ready a talent at your pen, you might have
cleared your part of this matter up to me by a line or two; and when I
had known what seeming good grounds you had for pouring cold water on a
young flame, that was just then rising to an honourable expansion, should
not have imputed it, as I was apt to do, to unseasonable insult for my
tenderness to you, on one hand; to perverse nicety, on the other; or to
(what I was most alarmed by, and concerned for) prepossession for some
other person: And this would have saved us both much fatigue, I of mind,
you of body.
And, indeed, sir, said I, of mind too; and I could not better manifest
this, than by the cheerfulness with which I obeyed your recalling me to
your presence.
Ay, that, my dear Pamela, said he, and clasped me in his arms, was the
kind, the inexpressibly kind action, that has rivetted my affections to
you, and obliges me, in this free and unreserved manner, to pour my whole
soul into your bosom.
I said, I had the less merit in this my return, because I was driven, by
an irresistible impulse to it; and could not help it, if I would.
This, said he, (and honoured me by kissing my hand,) is engaging, indeed;
if I may hope, that my Pamela's gentle inclination for her persecutor was
the strongest motive to her return; and I so much value a voluntary love
in the person I would wish for my wife, that I would have even prudence
and interest hardly named in comparison with it: And can you return me
sincerely the honest compliment I now make you?--In the choice I have
made, it is impossible I should have any view to my interest. Love, true
love, is the only motive by which I am induced. And were I not what I
am, could you give me the preference to any other you know in the world,
notwithstanding what has passed between us? Why, said I, should your so
much obliged Pamela refuse to answer this kind question? Cruel as I have
thought you, and dangerous as your views to my honesty have been; you,
sir, are the only person living that ever was more than indifferent to
me: and before I knew this to be what I blush now to call it, I could not
hate you, or wish you ill, though, from my soul, the attempts you made
were shocking, and most distasteful to me.
I am satisfied, my Pamela, said he; nor shall I want to see those papers
that you have kindly written for to your father; though I still wish to
see them too, for the sake of the sweet manner in which you relate what
has passed, and to have before me the whole series of your sufferings,
that I may learn what degree of kindness may be sufficient to recompense
you for them.
In this manner, my dear father and mother, did your happy daughter find
herself blessed by her generous master! An ample recompense for all her
sufferings did I think this sweet conversation only. A hundred tender
things he expressed besides, that though they never can escape my memory,
yet would be too tedious to write down. Oh, how I blessed God, and, I
hope, ever shall, for all his gracious favours to his unworthy handmaid!
What a happy change is this! And who knows but my kind, my generous
master, may put it in my power, when he shall see me not quite unworthy
of it, to be a means, without injuring him, to dispense around me, to
many persons, the happy influences of the condition to which I shall be,
by his kind favour, exalted? Doubly blest shall I be, in particular, if
I can return the hundredth part of the obligations I owe to such honest
good parents, to whose pious instructions and examples, under God, I owe
all my present happiness, and future prospects.--O the joy that fills my
mind on these proud hopes! on these delightful prospects!--It is too
mighty for me, and I must sit down to ponder all these things, and to
admire and bless the goodness of that Providence, which has, through so
many intricate mazes, made me tread the paths of innocence, and so amply
rewarded me for what it has itself enabled me to do! All glory to God
alone be ever given for it, by your poor enraptured daughter!----
I will now continue my most pleasing relation.
As the chariot was returning home from this sweet airing, he said, From
all that has passed between us in this pleasing turn, my Pamela will see,
and will believe, that the trials of her virtue are all over from me:
But, perhaps, there will be some few yet to come of her patience and
humility. For I have, at the earnest importunity of Lady Darnford, and
her daughters, promised them a sight of my beloved girl: And so I intend
to have their whole family, and Lady Jones, and Mrs. Peters's family, to
dine with me once in a few days. And, since I believe you would hardly
choose, at present, to grace the table on the occasion, till you can do
it in your own right, I should be glad you would not refuse coming down
to us if I should desire it; for I would preface our nuptials, said the
dear gentleman! O what a sweet word was that!--with their good opinion
of your merits: and to see you, and your sweet manner, will be enough for
that purpose; and so, by degrees, prepare my neighbours for what is to
follow: And they already have your character from me, and are disposed to
admire you.
Sir, said I, after all that has passed, I should be unworthy, if I could
not say, that I can have no will but yours: And however awkwardly I shall
behave in such company, weighed down with a sense of your obligations on
one side, and my own unworthiness, with their observations on the other,
I will not scruple to obey you.
I am obliged to you, Pamela, said he, and pray be only dressed as you
are; for since they know your condition, and I have told them the story
of your present dress, and how you came by it, one of the young ladies
begs it as a favour, that they may see you just as you are: and I am the
rather pleased it should be so, because they will perceive you owe
nothing to dress, but make a much better figure with your own native
stock of loveliness, than the greatest ladies arrayed in the most
splendid attire, and adorned with the most glittering jewels.
O sir, said I, your goodness beholds your poor servant in a light greatly
beyond her merit! But it must not be expected, that others, ladies
especially, will look upon me with your favourable eyes: but,
nevertheless, I should be best pleased to wear always this humble garb,
till you, for your own sake, shall order it otherwise: for, oh, sir, said
I, I hope it will be always my pride to glory most in your goodness! and
it will be a pleasure to me to shew every one, that, with respect to my
happiness in this life, I am entirely the work of your bounty; and to let
the world see from what a lowly original you have raised me to honours,
that the greatest ladies would rejoice in.
Admirable Pamela! said he; excellent girl!--Surely thy sentiments are
superior to those of all thy sex!--I might have addressed a hundred fine
ladies; but never, surely, could have had reason to admire one as I do
you.
As, my dear father and mother, I repeat these generous sayings, only
because they are the effect of my master's goodness, being far from
presuming to think I deserve one of them; so I hope you will not
attribute it to my vanity; for I do assure you, I think I ought rather to
be more humble, as I am more obliged: for it must be always a sign of a
poor condition, to receive obligations one cannot repay; as it is of a
rich mind, when it can confer them without expecting or needing a return.
It is, on one side, the state of the human creature, compared, on the
other, to the Creator; and so, with due deference, may his beneficence be
said to be Godlike, and that is the highest that can be said.
The chariot brought us home at near the hour of two; and, blessed be God,
my master is pure well, and cheerful; and that makes me hope he does not
repent him of his late generous treatment of me. He handed me out of the
chariot, and to the parlour, with the same goodness, that he shewed when
he put me into it, before several of the servants. Mrs. Jewkes came to
inquire how he did. Quite well, Mrs. Jewkes, said he; quite well: I
thank God, and this good girl, for it!--I am glad of it, said she; but I
hope you are not the worse for my care, and my doctoring of you!--No, but
the better, Mrs. Jewkes, said he; you have much obliged me by both.
Then he said, Mrs. Jewkes, you and I have used this good girl very
hardly.--I was afraid, sir, said she, I should be the subject of her
complaints.--I assure you, said he, she has not opened her lips about
you. We have had a quite different subject to talk of; and I hope she
will forgive us both: You especially she must; because you have done
nothing but by my orders. But I only mean, that the necessary
consequence of those orders has been very grievous to my Pamela: And now
comes our part to make her amends, if we can.
Sir, said she, I always said to madam (as she called me), that you was
very good, and very forgiving. No, said he, I have been stark naught;
and it is she, I hope, will be very forgiving. But all this preamble is
to tell you, Mrs. Jewkes, that now I desire you'll study to oblige her,
as much as (to obey me) you was forced to disoblige her before. And
you'll remember, that in every thing she is to be her own mistress.
Yes, said she, and mine too, I suppose, sir? Ay, said the generous
gentleman, I believe it will be so in a little time.--Then, said she, I
know how it will go with me! And so put her handkerchief to her eyes.--
Pamela, said my master, comfort poor Mrs. Jewkes.
This was very generous, already to seem to put her in my power: and I
took her by the hand, and said, I shall never take upon me, Mrs. Jewkes,
to make a bad use of any opportunities that may be put into my hands by
my generous master; nor shall I ever wish to do you any disservice, if I
might: for I shall consider, that what you have done, was in obedience to
a will which it will become me also to submit to and so, if the effects
of our obedience may be different, yet as they proceed from one cause,
that must be always reverenced by me.
See there, Mrs. Jewkes, said my master, we are both in generous hands;
and indeed, if Pamela did not pardon you, I should think she but half
forgave me, because you acted by my instructions.--Well, said she, God
bless you both together, since it must be so; and I will double my
diligence to oblige my lady, as I find she will soon be.
O my dear father and mother! now pray for me on another score; for fear I
should grow too proud, and be giddy and foolish with all these promising
things, so soothing to the vanity of my years and sex. But even to this
hour can I pray, that God would remove from me all these delightful
prospects, if they were likely so to corrupt my mind, as to make me proud
and vain, and not acknowledge, with thankful humility, the blessed
Providence which has so visibly conducted me through the dangerous paths
I have trod, to this happy moment.
My master was pleased to say, that he thought I might as well dine with
him, since he was alone: But I begged he would excuse me, for fear, as I
said, such excess of goodness and condescension, all at once, should turn
my head;--and that he would, by slower degrees, bring on my happiness,
lest I should not know how to bear it.
Persons that doubt themselves, said he, seldom do amiss: And if there was
any fear of what you say, you could not have it in your thoughts: for
none but the presumptuous, the conceited, and the thoughtless, err
capitally. But, nevertheless, said he, I have such an opinion of your
prudence, that I shall generally think what you do right, because it is
you that do it.
Sir, said I, your kind expressions shall not be thrown away upon me, if I
can help it; for they will task me with the care of endeavouring to
deserve your good opinion, and your approbation, as the best rule of my
conduct.
Being then about to go up stairs, Permit me, sir, said I, (looking about
me with some confusion, to see that nobody was there,) thus on my knees
to thank you, as I often wanted to do in the chariot, for all your
goodness to me, which shall never, I hope, be cast away upon me. And so
I had the boldness to kiss his hand.
I wonder, since, how I came to be so forward. But what could I do?--My
poor grateful heart was like a too full river, which overflows its banks:
and it carried away my fear and my shamefacedness, as that does all
before it on the surface of its waters!
He clasped me in his arms with transport, and condescendingly kneeled by
me, and kissing me, said, O my dear obliging good girl, on my knees, as
you on yours, I vow to you everlasting truth and fidelity! and may God
but bless us both with half the pleasures that seem to be before us, and
we shall have no reason to envy the felicity of the greatest princes!--O
sir, said I, how shall I support so much goodness! I am poor, indeed, in
every thing, compared to you! and how far, very far, do you, in every
generous way, leave me behind you!
He raised me, and, as I bent towards the door, led me to the stairs foot,
and, saluting me there again, left me to go up to my closet, where I
threw myself on my knees in raptures of joy, and blessed that gracious
God, who had thus changed my distress to happiness, and so abundantly
rewarded me for all the sufferings I had passed through.--And oh, how
light, how very light, do all those sufferings now appear, which then my
repining mind made so grievous to me!--Hence, in every state of life, and
in all the changes and chances of it, for the future, will I trust in
Providence, who knows what is best for us, and frequently turns the very
evils we most dread, to be the causes of our happiness, and of our
deliverance from greater.--My experiences, young as I am, as to this
great point of reliance on God, are strong, though my judgment in general
may be weak and uninformed: but you'll excuse these reflections, because
they are your beloved daughter's; and, so far as they are not amiss,
derive themselves from the benefit of yours and my late good lady's
examples and instructions.
I have written a vast deal in a little time; and shall only say, to
conclude this delightful Wednesday, That in the afternoon my good master
was so well, that he rode out on horseback, and came home about nine at
night; and then stepped up to me, and, seeing me with pen and ink before
me in my closet, said, I come only to tell you I am very well, my Pamela:
and since I have a letter or two to write, I will leave you to proceed in
yours, as I suppose that was your employment, (for I had put by my papers
at his coming up,) and so he saluted me, bid me good night, and went
down; and I finished up to this place before I went to bed. Mrs. Jewkes
told me, if it was more agreeable to me, she would he in another room;
but I said, No thank you, Mrs. Jewkes; pray let me have your company.
And she made me a fine courtesy, and thanked me.--How times are altered!
Thursday.
This morning my master came up to me, and talked with me on various
subjects, for a good while together, in the most kind manner. Among
other things, he asked me, if I chose to order any new clothes against my
marriage. (O how my heart flutters when he mentions this subject so
freely!) I said, I left every thing to his good pleasure, only repeated
my request, for the reasons aforegiven, that I might not be too fine.
He said, I think, my dear, it shall be very private: I hope you are not
afraid of a sham-marriage; and pray get the service by heart, that you
may see nothing is omitted. I glowed between shame and delight. O how I
felt my cheeks burn!
I said, I feared nothing, I apprehended nothing, but my own unworthiness.
Said he, I think it shall be done within these fourteen days, from this
day, at this house. O how I trembled! but not with grief, you may
believe--What says my girl? Have you to object against any day of the
next fourteen: because my affairs require me to go to my other house, and
I think not to stir from this till I am happy with you?
I have no will but yours, said I (all glowing like the fire, as I could
feel:) But, sir, did you say in the house? Ay, said he; for I care not
how privately it be done; and it must be very public if we go to church.
It is a holy rite, sir, said I; and would be better, methinks, in a holy
place.
I see (said he, most kindly) my lovely maid's confusion; and your
trembling tenderness shews I ought to oblige you all I may. Therefore I
will order my own little chapel, which has not been used for two
generations, for any thing but a lumber-room, because our family seldom
resided here long together, to be cleared and cleaned, and got ready for
the ceremony, if you dislike your own chamber or mine.
Sir, said I, that will be better than the chamber, and I hope it will
never be lumbered again, but kept to the use for which, as I presume, it
has been consecrated. O yes, said he, it has been consecrated, and that
several ages ago, in my great great grandfather's time, who built that
and the good old house together.
But now, my good girl, if I do not too much add to your sweet confusion,
shall it be in the first seven days, or the second of this fortnight? I
looked down, quite out of countenance. Tell me, said he.
In the second, if you please, sir, said I.--As you please, said he most
kindly; but I should thank you, Pamela, if you would choose the first.
I'd rather, sir, if you please, said I, have the second. Well, said he,
be it so; but don't defer it till the last day of the fourteen.
Pray sir, said I, since you embolden me to talk on this important
subject, may I not send my dear father and mother word of my happiness?--
You may, said he; but charge them to keep it secret, till you or I direct
the contrary. And I told you, I would see no more of your papers; but I
meant, I would not without your consent: but if you will shew them to me
(and now I have no other motive for my curiosity, but the pleasure I take
in reading what you write,) I shall acknowledge it as a favour.
If, sir, said I, you will be pleased to let me write over again one
sheet, I will; though I had relied upon your word, and not written them
for your perusal. What is that? said he: though I cannot consent to it
beforehand: for I more desire to see them, because they are your true
sentiments at the time, and because they were not written for my perusal.
Sir, said I, what I am loath you should see, are very severe reflections
on the letter I received by the gipsy, when I apprehended your design of
the sham-marriage; though there are other things I would not have you
see; but that is the worst. It can't be worse, said he, my dear sauce-
box, than I have seen already; and I will allow your treating me in ever
so black a manner, on that occasion, because it must have a very black
appearance to you.--Well, sir, said I, I think I will obey you before
night. But don't alter a word, said he. I won't, sir, replied I, since
you order it.
While we were talking, Mrs. Jewkes came up, and said Thomas was returned.
O, said my master, let him bring up the papers: for he hoped, and so did
I, that you had sent them by him. But it was a great balk, when he came
up and said, Sir, Mr. Andrews did not care to deliver them; and would
have it, that his daughter was forced to write that letter to him: and,
indeed, sir, said he, the old gentleman took on sadly, and would have it
that his daughter was undone, or else, he said, she would not have turned
back, when on her way, (as I told him she did, said Thomas,) instead of
coming to them. I began to be afraid now that all would be bad for me
again.
Well, Tom, said he, don't mince the matter; tell me, before Mrs. Andrews,
what they said. Why, sir, both he and Goody Andrews, after they had
conferred together upon your letter, madam, came out, weeping bitterly,
that grieved my very heart; and they said, Now all was over with their
poor daughter; and either she had written that letter by compulsion, or
had yielded to your honour; so they said; and was, or would be ruined!
My master seemed vexed, as I feared. And I said, Pray, sir, be so good
as to excuse the fears of my honest parents. They cannot know your
goodness to me.
And so (said he, without answering me,) they refused to deliver the
papers? Yes, and please your honour, said Thomas, though I told them,
that you, madam, of your own accord, on a letter I had brought you, very
cheerfully wrote what I carried: But the old gentleman said, Why, wife,
there are in these papers twenty things nobody should see but ourselves,
and especially not the 'squire. O the poor girl has had so many
stratagems to struggle with! and now, at last, she has met with one that
has been too hard for her. And can it be possible for us to account for
her setting out to come to us, and in such post haste, and, when she had
got above half-way, to send us this letter, and to go back again of her
own accord, as you say; when we know that all her delight would have been
to come to us and to escape from the perils she had been so long
contending with? And then, and please your honour, he said, he could not
bear this; for his daughter was ruined, to be sure, before now. And so,
said Thomas, the good old couple sat themselves down, and, hand-in-hand,
leaning upon each other's shoulder, did nothing but lament.--I was
piteously grieved, said he; but all I could say could not comfort them;
nor would they give me the papers; though I told them I should deliver
them only to Mrs. Andrews herself. And so, and please your honour, I was
forced to come away without them.
My good master saw me all bathed in tears at this description of your
distress and fears for me; and he said, I would not have you take on so.
I am not angry with your father in the main; he is a good man; and I
would have you write out of hand, and it shall be sent by the post to Mr.
Atkins, who lives within two miles of your father, and I'll enclose it in
a cover of mine, in which I'll desire Mr. Atkins, the moment it comes to
his hand, to convey it safely to your father or mother; and say nothing
of their sending their papers, that it may not make them uneasy; for I
want not now to see them on any other score than that of mere curiosity;
and that will do at any time. And so saying, he saluted me before
Thomas, and with his own handkerchief wiped my eyes; and said to Thomas,
The good old folks are not to be blamed in the main. They don't know my
honourable intentions by their dear daughter; who, Tom, will, in a little
time, be your mistress; though I shall keep the matter private some days,
and would not have it spoken of by my servants out of my house.
Thomas said, God bless your honour! You know best. And I said, O, sir,
you are all goodness!--How kind is this, to forgive the disappointment,
instead of being angry, as I feared you would! Thomas then withdrew.
And my master said, I need not remind you of writing out of hand, to make
the good folks easy: and I will leave you to yourself for that purpose;
only send me down such of your papers, as you are willing I should see,
with which I shall entertain myself for an hour or two. But, one thing,
added he, I forgot to tell you: The neighbouring gentry I mentioned will
be here tomorrow to dine with me, and I have ordered Mrs. Jewkes to
prepare for them. And must I, sir, said I, be shewn to them? O yes,
said he; that's the chief reason of their coming. And you'll see nobody
equal to yourself: don't be concerned.
I opened my papers, as soon as my master had left me; and laid out those
beginning on the Thursday morning he set out for Stamford, 'with the
morning visit he made me before I was up, and the injunctions of
watchfulness, etc. to Mrs. Jewkes; the next day's gipsy affair, and my
reflections, in which I called him truly diabolical, and was otherwise
very severe, on the strong appearances the matter had then against him.
His return on Saturday, with the dread he put me in, on the offering to
search me for my papers which followed those he had got by Mrs. Jewkes's
means. My being forced to give them up. His carriage to me after he had
read them, and questions to me. His great kindness to me on seeing the
dangers I had escaped and the troubles I had undergone. And how I
unseasonably, in the midst of his goodness, expressed my desire of being
sent to you, having the intelligence of a sham-marriage, from the gipsy,
in my thoughts. How this enraged him, and made him turn me that very
Sunday out of his house, and send me on my way to you. The particulars
of my journey, and my grief at parting with him; and my free
acknowledgment to you, that I found, unknown to myself, I had begun to
love him, and could not help it. His sending after me, to beg my return;
but yet generously leaving me at my liberty, when he might have forced me
to return whether I was willing or not. My resolution to oblige him, and
fatiguing journey back. My concern for his illness on my return. His
kind reception of me, and shewing me his sister Davers's angry letter,
against his behaviour to me, desiring him to set me free, and threatening
to renounce him as a brother, if he should degrade himself by marrying
me. My serious reflections on this letter, etc.' (all which, I hope,
with the others, you will shortly see.) And this carried matters down to
Tuesday night last.
All that followed was so kind on his side, being our chariot conference,
as above, on Wednesday morning, and how good he has been ever since, that
I thought I would go no further; for I was a little ashamed to be so very
open on that tender and most grateful subject; though his great goodness
to me deserves all the acknowledgments I can possibly make.
And when I had looked these out, I carried them down myself into the
parlour to him; and said, putting them into his hands, Your allowances,
good sir, as heretofore; and if I have been too open and free in my
reflections or declarations, let my fears on one side, and my sincerity
on the other, be my excuse. You are very obliging, my good girl, said
he. You have nothing to apprehend from my thoughts, any more than from
my actions.
So I went up, and wrote the letter to you, briefly acquainting you with
my present happiness, and my master's goodness, and expressing the
gratitude of heart, which I owe to the kindest gentleman in the world,
and assuring you, that I should soon have the pleasure of sending back to
you, not only those papers, but all that succeeded them to this time, as
I know you delight to amuse yourself in your leisure hours with my
scribble: And I said, carrying it down to my master, before I sealed it,
Will you please, sir, to take the trouble of reading what I write to my
dear parents? Thank you, Pamela, said he, and set me on his knee, while
he read it; and seemed much pleased with it; and giving it me again, You
are very happy, said he, my beloved girl, in your style and expressions:
and the affectionate things you say of me are inexpressibly obliging; and
again, with this kiss, said he, do I confirm for truth all that you have
promised for my intentions in this letter.--O what halcyon days are
these! God continue them!--A change would kill me quite.
He went out in his chariot in the afternoon; and in the evening returned,
and sent me word, he would be glad of my company for a little walk in the
garden; and down I went that very moment.
He came to meet me. So, says he, how does my dear girl do now?--Whom do
you think I have seen since I have been out?--I don't know, sir, said I.
Why, said he, there is a turning in the road, about five miles off, that
goes round a meadow, that has a pleasant foot-way, by the side of a
little brook, and a double row of limes on each side, where now and then
the gentry in the neighbourhood walk, and angle, and divert themselves.--
I'll shew it you next opportunity.--And I stept out of my chariot, to
walk across this meadow, and bid Robin meet me with it on the further
part of it: And whom should I 'spy there, walking, with a book in his
hand, reading, but your humble servant Mr. Williams! Don't blush,
Pamela, said he. As his back was towards me, I thought I would speak to
the man: and, before he saw me, I said, How do you, old acquaintance?
(for, said he, you know we were of one college for a twelvemonth.) I
thought the man would have jumped into the brook, he gave such a start at
hearing my voice, and seeing me.
Poor man! said I. Ay, said he, but not too much of your poor man, in
that soft accent, neither, Pamela.--Said I, I am sorry my voice is so
startling to you, Mr. Williams. What are you reading? Sir, said he, and
stammered with the surprise, it is the French Telemachus; for I am about
perfecting myself, if I can, in the French tongue.--Thought I, I had
rather so, than perfecting my Pamela in it.--You do well, replied I.--
Don't you think that yonder cloud may give us a small shower? and it did
a little begin to wet.--He said, he believed not much.
If, said I, you are for the village, I'll give you a cast; for I shall
call at Sir Simon's in my return from the little round I am taking. He
asked me if it was not too great a favour?--No, said I, don't talk of
that; let us walk to the further opening there, and we shall meet my
chariot.
So, Pamela, continued my master, we fell into conversation as we walked.
He said he was very sorry he had incurred my displeasure; and the more,
as he had been told, by Lady Jones, who had it from Sir Simon's family,
that I had a more honourable view than at first was apprehended. I said,
We fellows of fortune, Mr. Williams, take sometimes a little more liberty
with the world than we ought to do; wantoning, very probably, as you
contemplative folks would say, in the sunbeams of a dangerous affluence;
and cannot think of confining ourselves to the common paths, though the
safest and most eligible, after all. And you may believe I could not
very well like to be supplanted in a view that lay next my heart; and
that by an old acquaintance, whose good, before this affair, I was
studious to promote.
I would only say, sir, said he, that my first motive was entirely such as
became my function: And, very politely, said my master, he added, And I
am very sure, that however inexcusable I might seem in the progress of
the matter, yourself, sir, would have been sorry to have it said, you had
cast your thoughts on a person, that nobody could have wished for but
yourself.
Well, Mr. Williams, said I, I see you are a man of gallantry, as well as
religion: But what I took most amiss was, that, if you thought me doing a
wrong thing, you did not expostulate with me upon it, as your function
might have allowed you to do; but immediately determined to counterplot
me, and attempt to secure to yourself a prize you would have robbed me
of, and that from my own house. But the matter is at an end, and I
retain not any malice upon it; though you did not know but I might, at
last, do honourably by her, as I actually intend.
I am sorry for myself, sir, said he, that I should so unhappily incur
your displeasure; but I rejoice for her sake in your honourable
intentions: give me leave only to say, that if you make Miss Andrews your
lady, she will do credit to your choice with every body that sees her, or
comes to know her; and, for person and mind both, you may challenge the
county.
In this manner, said my master, did the parson and I confabulate; and I
set him down at his lodgings in the village. But he kept your secret,
Pamela; and would not own, that you gave any encouragement to his
addresses.
Indeed, sir, said I, he could not say that I did; and I hope you believe
me. I do, I do, said he: but 'tis still my opinion, that if, when I saw
plots set up against my plots, I had not discovered the parson as I did,
the correspondence between you might have gone to a length that would
have put our present situation out of both our powers.
Sir, said I, when you consider, that my utmost presumption could not make
me hope for the honour you now seem to design me; that I was so hardly
used, and had no prospect before me but dishonour, you will allow that I
should have seemed very little in earnest in my professions of honesty,
if I had not endeavoured to get away: but yet I resolved not to think of
marriage; for I never saw the man I could love, till your goodness
emboldened me to look up to you.
I should, my dear Pamela, said he, make a very ill compliment to my
vanity, if I did not believe you; though, at the same time, justice calls
upon me to say, that it is, some things considered, beyond my merit.
There was a sweet, noble expression for your poor daughter, my dear
father and mother!--And from my master too!
I was glad to hear this account of the interview between Mr. Williams and
himself; but I dared not to say so. I hope in time he will be reinstated
in his good graces.
He was so good as to tell me, he had given orders for the chapel to be
cleared. O how I look forward with inward joy, yet with fear and
trembling!
Friday.
About twelve o'clock came Sir Simon, and his lady and two daughters; and
Lady Jones, and a sister-in-law of hers; and Mr. Peters, and his spouse
and niece. Mrs. Jewkes, who is more and more obliging, was much
concerned I was not dressed in some of my best clothes, and made me many
compliments.
They all went into the garden for a walk, before dinner; and, I
understood, were so impatient to see me, that my master took them into
the largest alcove, after they had walked two or three turns, and stept
himself to me. Come, my Pamela, said he, the ladies can't be satisfied
without seeing you, and I desire you'll come. I said, I was ashamed; but
I would obey him. Said he, The two young ladies are dressed out in their
best attire; but they make not such an appearance as my charming girl in
this ordinary garb.--Sir, said I, shan't I follow you thither? For I
can't bear you should do me so much honour. Well, said he, I'll go
before you. And he bid Mrs. Jewkes bring a bottle of sack, and some
cake. So he went down to them.
This alcove fronts the longest gravel-walk in the garden, so that they
saw me all the way I came, for a good way: and my master told me
afterwards, with pleasure, all they said of me.
Will you forgive the little vain slut, your daughter, if I tell you all,
as he was pleased to tell me? He said, 'spying me first, Look, there,
ladies, comes my pretty rustic!--They all, I saw, which dashed me, stood
at the windows, and in the door-way, looking full at me.
My master told me, that Lady Jones said, She is a charming creature, I
see that, at this distance. And Sir Simon, it seems, who has been a sad
rake in his younger days, swore he never saw so easy an air, so fine a
shape, and so graceful a presence.--The Lady Darnford said, I was a sweet
girl. And Mrs. Peters said very handsome things. Even the parson said,
I should be the pride of the county. O, dear sirs! all this was owing to
the light my good master's favour placed me in, which made me shine out
in their eyes beyond my deserts. He said the young ladies blushed, and
envied me.
When I came near, he saw me in a little confusion, and was so kind as to
meet me: Give me your hand, said he, my poor girl; you walk too fast,
(for, indeed, I wanted to be out of their gazing). I did so, with a
courtesy, and he led me up the steps of the alcove, and, in a most
gentleman-like manner, presented me to the ladies, and they all saluted
me, and said, They hoped to be better acquainted with me: and Lady
Darnford was pleased to say, I should be the flower of their
neighbourhood. Sir Simon said, Good neighbour, by your leave; and
saluting me, added, Now will I say, that I have kissed the loveliest
maiden in England. But, for all this, methought I owed him a grudge for
a tell-tale, though all had turned out so happily. Mr. Peters very
gravely followed his example, and said, like a bishop, God bless you,
fair excellence! said Lady Jones, Pray, dear madam, sit down by me: and
they all sat down: But I said, I would stand, if they pleased. No,
Pamela, said my master: pray sit down with these good ladies, my
neighbours:--They will indulge it to you, for my sake, till they know you
better; and for your own, when they are acquainted with you. Sir, said
I, I shall be proud to deserve their indulgence.
They all so gazed at me, that I could not look up; for I think it is one
of the distinctions of persons of condition, and well-bred people, to put
bashful bodies out of countenance. Well, Sir Simon, said my master, what
say you now to my pretty rustic?--He swore a great oath, that he should
better know what to say to me if he was as young as himself. Lady
Darnford said, You will never leave, Sir Simon.
Said my master, You are a little confused, my good girl, and out of
breath; but I have told all my kind neighbours here a good deal of your
story, and your excellence. Yes, said Lady Darnford, my dear neighbour,
as I will call you; we that are here present have all heard of your
uncommon story. Madam, said I, you have then heard what must make your
kind allowance for me very necessary. No, said Mrs. Peters, we have
heard what will always make you valued as an honour to our sex, and as a
worthy pattern for all the young ladies in the county. You are very
good, madam, said I, to make me able to look up, and to be thankful for
the honour you are pleased to do me.
Mrs. Jewkes came in with the canary, brought by Nan, to the alcove, and
some cakes on a silver salver; and I said, Mrs. Jewkes, let me be your
assistant; I will serve the ladies with the cake. And so I took the
salver, and went round to the good company with it, ending with my
master. The Lady Jones said, She never was served with such a grace, and
it was giving me too much trouble. O, madam, said I, I hope my good
master's favour will never make me forget, that it is my duty to wait
upon his friends. Master, sweet one! said Sir Simon, I hope you won't
always call Mr. B---- by that name, for fear it should become a fashion
for all our ladies to do the like through the county. I, sir, said I,
shall have many reasons to continue this style, which cannot affect your
good ladies.
Sir Simon, said Lady Jones, you are very arch upon us but I see very
well, that it will be the interest of all the gentlemen, to bring their
ladies into an intimacy with one that can give them such a good example.
I am sure then, madam, said I, it must be after I have been polished and
improved by the honour of such an example as yours.
They all were very good and affable; and the young Lady Darnford, who had
wished to see me in this dress, said, I beg your pardon, dear miss, as
she called me; but I had heard how sweetly this garb became you, and was
told the history of it; and I begged it, as a favour, that you might
oblige us with your appearance in it. I am much obliged to your
ladyship, said I, that your kind prescription was so agreeable to my
choice. Why, said she, was it your choice then?--I am glad of that:
though I am sure your person must give, and not take, ornament from any
dress.
You are very kind, madam, said I: but there will be the less reason to
fear I should forget the high obligations I should have to the kindest of
gentlemen, when I can delight to shew the humble degree from which his
goodness had raised me.--My dear Pamela, said my master, if you proceed
at this rate, I must insist upon your first seven days. You know what I
mean. Sir, said I, you are all goodness!
They drank a glass of sack each, and Sir Simon would make me do so too,
saying, It will be a reflection, madam, upon all the ladies, if you don't
do as they. No, Sir Simon, said I, that can't be, because the ladies'
journey hither makes a glass of canary a proper cordial for them: but I
won't refuse; because I will do myself the honour of drinking good health
to you, and to all this worthy company.
Said good Lady Darnford, to my master, I hope, sir, we shall have Mrs.
Andrews's company at table. He said, very obligingly, Madam, it is her
time now; and I will leave it to her choice. If the good ladies, then,
will forgive me, sir, said I, I had rather be excused. They all said, I
must not be excused. I begged I might. Your reason for it, my dear
Pamela? said my master: since the ladies request it, I wish you would
oblige them. Sir, replied I, your goodness will make me, every day,
worthier of the honour the ladies do me; and when I can persuade myself
that I am more worthy of it than at present, I shall with great joy
embrace all the opportunities they will be pleased to give me.
Mrs. Peters whispered Lady Jones, as my master told me afterwards; Did
you ever see such excellence, such prudence, and discretion? Never in my
life, said the other good lady. She will adorn, she was pleased to say,
her distinction. Ay, says Mrs. Peters, she would adorn any station in
life.
My good master was highly delighted, generous gentleman as he is! with
the favourable opinion of the ladies; and I took the more pleasure in it,
because their favour seemed to lessen the disgrace of his stooping so
much beneath himself.
Lady Darnford said, We will not oppress you; though we could almost blame
your too punctilious exactness: but if we excuse Miss Andrews from
dinner, we must insist upon her company at the card-table, and at a dish
of tea; for we intend to pass the whole day with you, sir, as we told
you. What say you to that, Pamela, said my master. Sir, replied I,
whatever you and the ladies please, I will cheerfully do. They said, I
was very obliging. But Sir Simon rapt out an oath, and said, That they
might dine together, if they would; but he would dine with me, and nobody
else: for, said he, I say, sir, as Parson Williams said, (by which I
found my master had told them the story,) You must not think you have
chosen one that nobody can like but yourself.
The young ladies said, If I pleased they would take a turn about the
garden with me. I answered, I would very gladly attend them; and so we
three, and Lady Jones's sister-in-law, and Mr. Peters's niece, walked
together. They were very affable, kind, and obliging; and we soon
entered into a good deal of familiarity; and I found Miss Darnford a very
agreeable person. Her sister was a little more on the reserve; and I
afterwards heard, that, about a year before, she would fain have had my
master make his addresses to her: but though Sir Simon is reckoned rich,
she was not thought sufficient fortune for him. And now, to have him
look down so low as me, must be a sort of mortification to a poor young
lady!--And I pitied her.--Indeed I did!--I wish all young persons of my
sex could be as happy as I am like to be.
My master told me afterwards, that I left the other ladies, and Sir Simon
and Mr. Peters, full of my praises: so that they could hardly talk of any
thing else; one lanching out upon my complexion, another upon my eyes, my
hand, and, in short, for you'll think me sadly proud, upon my whole
person and behaviour; and they all magnified my readiness and
obligingness in my answers, and the like: And I was glad of it, as I
said, for my good master's sake, who seemed quite pleased and rejoiced.
God bless him for his goodness to me!
Dinner not being ready, the young ladies proposed a tune upon the
spinnet. I said, I believed it was not in tune. They said, they knew it
was but a few months ago. If it is, said I, I wish I had known it;
though indeed, ladies, added I, since you know my story, I must own, that
my mind has not been long in tune, to make use of it. So they would make
me play upon it, and sing to it; which I did, a song my dear good lady
made me learn, and used to be pleased with, and which she brought with
her from Bath: and the ladies were much taken with the song, and were so
kind as to approve my performance: And Miss Darnford was pleased to
compliment me, that I had all the accomplishments of my sex. I said, I
had had a good lady, in my master's mother, who had spared no pains nor
cost to improve me. She said, she wished Mr. B---- could be prevailed
upon to give a ball on an approaching happy occasion, that we might have
a dancing-match, etc.--But I can't say I do; though I did not say so: for
these occasions, I think, are too solemn for the principals, at least of
our sex, to take part in, especially if they have the same thoughts of
that solemnity that I have: For, indeed, though I have before me a
prospect of happiness, that may be envied by ladies of high rank, yet I
must own to you, my dear parents, that I have something very awful upon
my mind, when I think of the matter; and shall, more and more, as it
draws nearer and nearer. This is the song:
I.
Go, happy paper, gently steal,
And underneath her pillow lie;
There, in soft dreams, my love reveal,
That love which I must still conceal,
And, wrapt in awful silence, die.
II.
Should flames be doom'd thy hapless fate,
To atoms thou wouldst quickly turn:
My pains may bear a longer date;
For should I live, and should she hate,
In endless torments I should burn.
III.
Tell fair AURELIA, she has charms,
Might in a hermit stir desire.
T' attain the heav'n that's in her arms,
I'd quit the world's alluring harms,
And to a cell content, retire.
IV.
Of all that pleas'd my ravish'd eye,
Her beauty should supply the place;
Bold Raphael's strokes, and Titian's dye,
Should but in vain presume to vie
With her inimitable face.
V.
No more I'd wish for Phoebus' rays,
To gild the object of my sight;
Much less the taper's fainter blaze:
Her eyes should measure out my days;
And when she slept, it should be night.
About four o'clock.
My master just came up to me, and said, If you should see Mr. Williams
below, do you think, Pamela, you should not be surprised?--No, sir, said
I, I hope not. Why should I? Expect, said he, a stranger then, when you
come down to us in the parlour; for the ladies are preparing themselves
for the card-table, and they insist upon your company.--You have a mind,
sir, said I, I believe, to try all my courage. Why, said he, does it
want courage to see him? No, sir, said I, not at all. But I was
grievously dashed to see all those strange ladies and gentlemen; and now
to see Mr. Williams before them, as some of them refused his application
for me, when I wanted to get away, it will a little shock me, to see them
smile, in recollecting what has passed of that kind. Well, said he,
guard your heart against surprises, though you shall see, when you come
down, a man that I can allow you to love dearly; though hardly preferably
to me.
This surprises me much. I am afraid he begins to be jealous of me. What
will become of me, (for he looked very seriously,) if any turn should
happen now!--My heart aches! I know not what's the matter. But I will
go down as brisk as I can, that nothing may be imputed to me. Yet I wish
this Mr. Williams had not been there now, when they are all there;
because of their fleers at him and me. Otherwise I should be glad to see
the poor gentleman; for, indeed, I think him a good man, and he has
suffered for my sake.
So, I am sent for down to cards. I'll go; but wish I may continue their
good opinions of me: for I shall be very awkward. My master, by his
serious question, and bidding me guard my heart against surprises, though
I should see, when I came down, a man he can allow me to love dearly,
though hardly better than himself, has quite alarmed me, and made me
sad!--I hope he loves me!--But whether he does or not, I am in for it
now, over head and ears, I doubt, and can't help loving him; 'tis a folly
to deny it. But to be sure I can't love any man preferably to him. I
shall soon know what he means.
Now, my dear mother, must I write to you. Well might my good master say
so mysteriously as he did, about guarding my heart against surprises. I
never was so surprised in my life; and never could see a man I loved so
dearly!--O my dear mother, it was my dear, dear father, and not Mr.
Williams, that was below ready to receive and to bless your daughter! and
both my master and he enjoined me to write how the whole matter was, and
what my thoughts were on this joyful occasion.
I will take the matter from the beginning, that Providence directed his
feet to this house, to this time, as I have had it from Mrs. Jewkes, from
my master, my father, the ladies, and my own heart and conduct, as far as
I know of both; because they command it, and you will be pleased with my
relation and so, as you know how I came by the connexion, will make one
uniform relation of it.
It seems, then, my dear father and you were so uneasy to know the truth
of the story which Thomas had told you, that fearing I was betrayed, and
quite undone, he got leave of absence, and set out the day after Thomas
was there; and so, on Friday morning, he got to the neighbouring town;
and there he heard, that the gentry in the neighbourhood were at my
master's, at a great entertainment. He put on a clean shirt and
neckcloth (which he brought in his pocket) at an alehouse there, and got
shaved; and so, after he had eaten some bread and cheese, and drank a can
of ale, he set out for my master's house, with a heavy heart, dreading
for me, and in much fear of being brow-beaten. He had, it seems, asked,
at the alehouse, what family the 'squire had down here, in hopes to hear
something of me: And they said, A housekeeper, two maids, and, at
present, two coachmen, and two grooms, a footman, and a helper. Was that
all? he said. They told him, there was a young creature there, belike
who was, or was to be, his mistress, or somewhat of that nature; but had
been his mother's waiting-maid. This, he said, grieved his heart, and
confirmed his fears.
So he went on, and about three o'clock in the afternoon came to the gate;
and, ringing there, Sir Simon's coachman went to the iron gate; and he
asked for the housekeeper; though, from what I had written, in his heart
he could not abide her. She sent for him in, little thinking who he was,
and asked him, in the little hall, what his business with her was?--Only,
madam, said he, whether I cannot speak one word with the 'squire? No,
friend, said she; he is engaged with several gentlemen and ladies. Said
he, I have business with his honour of greater consequence to me than
either life or death; and tears stood in his eyes.
At that she went into the great parlour, where my master was talking very
pleasantly with the ladies; and she said, Sir, here is a good tight old
man, that wants to see you on business of life and death, he says, and is
very earnest. Ay, said he, Who can that be?--Let him stay in the little
hall, and I'll come to him presently. They all seemed to stare; and Sir
Simon said, No more nor less, I dare say, my good friend, but a bastard-
child. If it is, said Lady Jones, bring it in to us. I will, said he.
Mrs. Jewkes tells me, my master was much surprised, when he saw who it
was; and she much more, when my dear father said,--Good God! give me
patience! but, as great as you are, sir, I must ask for my child! and
burst out into tears. (O what trouble have I given you both!) My master
said, taking him by the hand, Don't be uneasy, Goodman Andrews; your
daughter is in the way to be happy.
This alarmed my dear father, and he said, What! then, is she dying? And
trembled, he could scarce stand. My master made him sit down, and sat
down by him, and said, No; God be praised! she is very well: And pray be
comforted; I cannot bear to see you thus apprehensive; but she has
written you a letter to assure you, that she has reason to be well
satisfied, and happy.
Ah, sir I said he, you told me once she was in London, waiting on a
bishop's lady, when all the time she was a severe prisoner here.--Well,
that's all over now, Goodman Andrews, said my master: but the times are
altered; for now the sweet girl has taken me prisoner; and in a few days
I shall put on the most agreeable fetters that ever man wore.
O, sir! said, he, you are too pleasant for my griefs. My heart's almost
broke. But may I not see my poor child? You shall presently, said he;
for she is coming down to us; and since you won't believe me, I hope you
will her.
I will ask you, good sir, said he, but one question till then, that I may
know how to look upon her when I see her. Is she honest? Is she
virtuous?--As the new-born babe, Mr. Andrews, said my good master; and in
twelve days time, I hope, will be my wife.
O flatter me not, good your honour, said he: It cannot be! it cannot be!
--I fear you have deluded her with strange hopes; and would make me
believe impossibilities!--Mrs. Jewkes, said he, do you tell my dear
Pamela's good father, when I go out, all you know concerning me, and your
mistress that is to be. Meantime, make much of him, and set out what you
have; and make him drink a glass of what he likes best. If this be wine,
added he, fill me a bumper.
She did so; and he took my father by the hand, and said, Believe me, good
man, and be easy; for I can't bear to see you tortured in this cruel
suspense: Your dear daughter is the beloved of my soul. I am glad you
are come: for you'll see us all in the same story. And here's your
dame's health; and God bless you both, for being the happy means of
procuring for me so great a blessing! And so he drank a bumper to this
most obliging health.
What do I hear? It cannot surely be! said my father. And your honour is
too good, I hope, to mock a poor old man--This ugly story, sir, of the
bishop, runs in my head--But you say I shall see my dear child--And I
shall see her honest.--If not, poor as I am, I would not own her.
My master bid Mrs. Jewkes not to let me know yet, that my father was
come; and went to the company, and said, I have been agreeably surprised:
Here is honest old Goodman Andrews come full of grief to see his
daughter; for he fears she is seduced; and tells me, good honest man,
that, poor as he is, he will not own her, if she be not virtuous. O,
said they all, with one voice almost, Dear sir! shall we not see the good
old man you have so praised for his plain good sense, and honest heart?
If, said he, I thought Pamela would not be too much affected with the
surprise, I would make you all witness to their first interview; for
never did daughter love a father, or a father a daughter, as they two do
one another. Miss Darnford, and all the ladies, and the gentlemen too,
begged it might be so. But was not this very cruel, my dear mother? For
well might they think I should not support myself in such an agreeable
surprise.
He said, kindly, I have but one fear, that the dear girl may be too much
affected. O, said Lady Darnford, we'll all help to keep up her spirits.
Says he, I'll go up, and prepare her; but won't tell her of it. So he
came up to me, as I have said, and amused me about Mr. Williams, to half
prepare me for some surprise; though that could not have been any thing
to this: and he left me, as I said, in that suspense, at his mystical
words, saying, He would send to me, when they were going to cards.
My master went from me to my father, and asked if he had eaten any thing.
No, said Mrs. Jewkes; the good man's heart is so full, he cannot eat, nor
do any thing, till he has seen his dear daughter. That shall soon be,
said my master. I will have you come in with me; for she is going to sit
down with my guests, to a game at quadrille; and I will send for her
down. O, sir, said my father, don't, don't let me; I am not fit to
appear before your guests; let me see my daughter by myself, I beseech
you. Said he, They all know your honest character, Goodman Andrews, and
long to see you, for Pamela's sake.
So he took my father by the hand, and led him in, against his will, to
the company. They were all very good. My master kindly said, Ladies and
gentlemen, I present to you one of the honestest men in England, my good
Pamela's father. Mr. Peters went to him, and took him by the hand, and
said, We are all glad to see you, sir; you are the happiest man in the
world in a daughter; whom we never saw before to-day, but cannot enough
admire.
Said my master, This gentleman, Goodman Andrews, is the minister of the
parish; but is not young enough for Mr. Williams. This airy expression,
my poor father said, made him fear, for a moment, that all was a jest.--
Sir Simon also took him by the hand, and said, Ay, you have a sweet
daughter, Honesty; we are all in love with her. And the ladies came, and
said very fine things: Lady Darnford particularly, That he might think
himself the happiest man in England, in such a daughter. If, and please
you, madam, said he, she be but virtuous, 'tis all in all: For all the
rest is accident. But I doubt his honour has been too much upon the jest
with me. No, said Mrs. Peters, we are all witnesses, that he intends
very honourably by her.--It is some comfort, said he, and wiped his eyes,
that such good ladies say so--But I wish I could see her.
They would have had him sit down by them; but he would only sit behind
the door, in the corner of the room, so that one could not soon see him
as one came in; because the door opened against him, and hid him almost.
The ladies all sat down; and my master said, Desire Mrs. Jewkes to step
up, and tell Mrs. Andrews the ladies wait for her. So down I came.
Miss Darnford rose, and met me at the door, and said, Well, Miss Andrews,
we longed for your company. I did not see my dear father; and it seems
his heart was too full to speak; and he got up, and sat down three or
four times successively, unable to come to me, or to say any thing. The
ladies looked that way: but I would not, supposing it was Mr. Williams.
And they made me sit down between Lady Darnford and Lady Jones; and asked
me, what we should play at? I said, At what your ladyships please. I
wondered to see them smile, and look upon me, and to that corner of the
room; but I was afraid of looking that way, for fear of seeing Mr.
Williams; though my face was that way too, and the table before me.
Said my master, Did you send your letter away to the posthouse, my good
girl, for your father? To be sure, sir, said I, I did not forget that: I
took the liberty to desire Mr. Thomas to carry it. What, said he, I
wonder, will the good old couple say to it? O sir, said I, your goodness
will be a cordial to their dear honest hearts! At that, my dear father,
not able to contain himself, nor yet to stir from the place, gushed out
into a flood of tears, which he, good soul! had been struggling with, it
seems; and cried out, O my dear child!
I knew the voice, and, lifting up my eyes, and seeing my father, gave a
spring, overturned the table, without regard to the company, and threw
myself at his feet: O my father! my father! said I, can it be?--Is it
you? Yes, it is! it is!--O bless your happy daughter! I would have
said, and down I sunk.
My master seemed concerned--I feared, said he, that the surprise would be
too much for her spirits; and all the ladies ran to me, and made me drink
a glass of water; and I found myself encircled in the arms of my dearest
father.--O tell me, said I, every thing! How long have you been here?
When did you come? How does my honoured mother? And half a dozen
questions more, before he could answer one.
They permitted me to retire with my father; and then I poured forth all
my vows and thanksgivings to God for this additional blessing; and
confirmed all my master's goodness to his scarce-believing amazement.
And we kneeled together, blessing God, and one another, for several
ecstatic minutes and my master coming in soon after, my dear father said,
O sir, what a change is this! May, God reward and bless you, both in
this world and the next!
May God bless us all! said he. But how does my sweet girl? I have been
in pain for you--I am sorry I did not apprise you beforehand.
O sir, said I, it was you; and all you do must be good--But this was a
blessing so unexpected!----
Well, said he, you have given pain to all the company. They will be glad
to see you, when you can: for you have spoiled all their diversion; and
yet painfully delighted them at the same time. Mr. Andrews, added he, do
you make this house your own; and the longer you stay, the more welcome
you'll be. After you have a little composed yourself, my dear girl, step
in to us again. I am glad to see you so well already. And so he left
us.
See you, my dear father, said I, what goodness there is in this once
naughty master! O pray for him! and pray for me, that I may deserve it!
How long has this happy change been wrought, my dear child?--O, said I,
several happy days!--I have written down every thing; and you'll see,
from the depth of misery, what God has done for your happy daughter!
Blessed be his name! said he. But do you say he will marry you? Can it
be, that such a brave gentleman will make a lady of the child of such a
poor man as I? O the divine goodness! How will your poor dear mother be
able to support these happy tidings? I will set out to-morrow, to
acquaint her with them: for I am but half happy, till the dear good woman
shares them with me!--To be sure, my dear child, we ought to go into some
far country to hide ourselves, that we may not disgrace you by our
poverty!
O, my dear father, said I, now you are unkind for the first time! Your
poverty has been my glory, and my riches; and I have nothing to brag of,
but that I ever thought it an honour, rather than a disgrace; because you
were always so honest, that your child might well boast of such a
parentage!
In this manner, my dear mother, did we pass the happy moments, till Miss
Darnford came to me, and said, How do you do, dear madam? I rejoice to
see you so well! Pray let us have your company. And yours too, good Mr.
Andrews, taking his hand.
This was very obliging, I told her; and we went to the great parlour; and
my master took my father by the hand, and made him sit down by him, and
drink a glass of wine with him. Mean-time, I made my excuses to the
ladies, as well as I could, which they readily granted me. But Sir
Simon, after his comical manner, put his hands on my shoulders: Let me
see, let me see, said he, where your wings grow; for I never saw any body
fly like you.--Why, said he, you have broken Lady Jones's shins with the
table. Shew her else, madam.
His pleasantry made them laugh. And I said, I was very sorry for my
extravagancy: and if it had not been my master's doings, I should have
said, it was a fault to permit me to be surprised, and put out of myself,
before such good company. They said, All was very excusable; and they
were glad I suffered no more by it.
They were so kind as to excuse me at cards, and played by themselves; and
I went by my master's commands and sat on the other side, in the happiest
place I ever was blest with, between two of the dearest men in the world
to me, and each holding one of my hands:--my father, every now and then,
with tears, lifting up his eyes, and saying, Could I ever have hoped
this!
I asked him, If he had been so kind as to bring the papers with him? He
said, He had; and looked at me, as who should say, Must I give them to
you now?--I said, Be pleased to let me have them. He pulled them from
his pocket; and I stood up, and, with my best duty, gave them into my
master's hands. He said, Thank you, Pamela. Your father shall take all
with him, so see what a sad fellow I have been, as well as the present
happier alteration. But I must have them all again, for the writer's
sake.
The ladies and gentlemen would make me govern the tea-table, whatever I
could do; and Abraham attended me, to serve the company. My master and
my father sat together, and drank a glass or two of wine instead of tea,
and Sir Simon joked with my master, saying, I warrant you would not be
such a woman's man, as to drink tea, for ever so much, with the ladies.
But your time's coming, and I doubt not you'll be made as comfortable
as I.
My master was very urgent with them to stay supper; and at last they
complied, on condition that I would grace the table, as they were pleased
to call it. I begged to be excused. My master said, Don't be excused,
Pamela, since the ladies desire it: And besides, said he, we won't part
with your father; and so you may as well stay with us.
I was in hopes my father and I might sup by ourselves, or only with Mrs.
Jewkes. And Miss Darnford, who is a most obliging young lady, said, We
will not part with you, indeed we won't.
When supper was brought in, Lady Darnford took me by the hand, and said
to my master, Sir, by your leave; and would have placed me at the upper
end of the table. Pray, pray, madam, said I, excuse me; I cannot do it,
indeed I cannot. Pamela, said my master, to the great delight of my good
father, as I could see by his looks, oblige Lady Darnford, since she
desires it. It is but a little before your time, you know.
Dear, good sir, said I, pray don't command it! Let me sit by my father,
pray! Why, said Sir Simon, here's ado indeed! Sit down at the upper
end, as you should do; and your father shall sit by you, there. This put
my dear father upon difficulties. And my master said, Come, I'll place
you all: and so put Lady Darnford at the upper end, Lady Jones at her
right hand, and Mrs. Peters on the other; and he placed me between the
two young ladies; but very genteelly put Miss Darnford below her younger
sister; saying, Come, miss, I put you here, because you shall hedge in
this little cuckow; for I take notice, with pleasure, of your goodness to
her; and, besides, all you very young ladies should sit together. This
seemed to please both sisters; for had the youngest miss been put there,
it might have piqued her, as matters have been formerly, to be placed
below me; whereas Miss Darnford giving place to her youngest sister, made
it less odd she should to me; especially with that handsome turn of the
dear man, as if I was a cuckow, and to be hedged in.
My master kindly said, Come, Mr. Andrews, you and I will sit together.
And so took his place at the bottom of the table, and set my father on
his right hand; and Sir Simon would sit on his left. For, said he,
parson, I think the petticoats should sit together; and so do you sit
down by that lady (his sister). A boiled turkey standing by me, my
master said, Cut up that turkey, Pamela, if it be not too strong work for
you, that Lady Darnford may not have too much trouble. So I carved it in
a trice, and helped the ladies. Miss Darnford said, I would give
something to be so dexterous a carver. O madam, said I, my late good
lady would always make me do these things, when she entertained her
female friends, as she used to do on particular days.
Ay, said my master, I remember my poor mother would often say, if I, or
any body at table, happened to be a little out in carving, I'll send up
for my Pamela, to shew you how to carve. Said Lady Jones, Mrs. Andrews
has every accomplishment of her sex. She is quite wonderful for her
years. Miss Darnford said, And I can tell you, madam, that she plays
sweetly upon the spinnet, and sings as sweetly to it; for she has a fine
voice. Foolish! said Sir Simon; who, that hears her speak, knows not
that? And who that sees her fingers, believes not that they were made to
touch any key? O, parson! said he, 'tis well you're by, or I should have
had a blush from the ladies. I hope not, Sir Simon, said Lady Jones; for
a gentleman of your politeness would not say any thing that would make
ladies blush.--No, no, said he, for the world: but if I had, it would
have been, as the poet says,
'They blush, because they understand.'
When the company went away, Lady Darnford, Lady Jones, and Mrs. Peters,
severally invited my master, and me with him, to their houses; and
begged he would permit me, at least, to come before we left those parts.
And they said, We hope, when the happy knot is tied, you will induce Mr.
B---- to reside more among us. We were always glad, said Lady Darnford,
when he was here; but now shall have double reason. O what grateful
things were these to the ears of my good father!
When the company was gone, my master asked my father, if he smoked? He
answered, No. He made us both sit down by him, and said, I have been
telling this sweet girl, that in fourteen days, and two of them are gone,
she must fix on one to make me happy. And have left it to her to choose
either one of the first or last seven. My father held up his hands, and
eyes; God bless your honour! said he, is all I can say. Now, Pamela,
said my master, taking my hand, don't let a little wrong-timed
bashfulness take place, without any other reason, because I should be
glad to go to Bedfordshire as soon as I could; and I would not return
till I carry my servants there a mistress, who should assist me to repair
the mischiefs she has made in it.
I could not look up for confusion. And my father said, My dear child, I
need not, I am sure, prompt your obedience in whatever will most oblige
so good a gentleman. What says my Pamela? said my master: She does not
use to be at a loss for expressions. Sir, said I, were I too sudden, it
would look as if I doubted whether you would hold in your mind, and was
not willing to give you time for reflection: but otherwise, to be sure I
ought to resign myself implicitly to your will. Said he, I want not time
for reflection: for I have often told you, and that long ago, I could not
live without you: and my pride of condition made me both tempt and
terrify you to other terms; but your virtue was proof against all
temptations, and was not to be awed by terrors: Wherefore, as I could not
conquer my passion for you, I corrected myself, and resolved, since you
would not be mine upon my terms, you should upon your own: and now I
desire you not on any other, I assure you: and I think the sooner it is
done, the better. What say you, Mr. Andrews? Sir, said he, there is so
much goodness on your side, and, blessed be God! so much prudence on my
daughter's, that I must be quite silent. But when it is done, I and my
poor wife shall have nothing to do, but to pray for you both, and to look
back, with wonder and joy, on the ways of Providence.
This, said my master, is Friday night; and suppose, my girl, it be next
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday morning?--Say, my Pamela.
Will you, sir, said I, excuse me till to-morrow for an answer? I will,
said he; and touched the bell, and called for Mrs. Jewkes. Where, said
he, does Mr. Andrews lie tonight? You'll take care of him. He's a very
good man; and will bring a blessing upon every house he sets his foot in.
My dear father wept for joy; and I could not refrain keeping him company.
And my master, saluting me, bid us good night, and retired. And I waited
upon my dear father, and was so full of prattle, of my master's goodness,
and my future prospects, that I believed afterwards I was turned all into
tongue: but he indulged me, and was transported with joy; and went to
bed, and dreamed of nothing but Jacob's ladder, and angels ascending and
descending, to bless him and his daughter.
Saturday.
I arose early in the morning; but found my father was up before me, and
was gone to walk in the garden. I went to him: and with what delight,
with what thankfulness, did we go over every scene of it, that had before
been so dreadful to me! The fish-pond, the back-door, and every place.
O what reason had we for thankfulness and gratitude!
About seven o'clock my good master joined us, in his morning gown and
slippers; and looking a little heavy, I said, Sir, I fear you had not
good rest last night. That is your fault, Pamela, said he. After I went
from you, I must needs look into your papers, and could not leave them
till I had read them through; and so 'twas three o'clock before I went to
sleep. I wish, sir, said I, you had had better entertainment. The worst
part of it, said he, was what I had brought upon myself; and you have not
spared me. Sir, said I--He interrupting me, said, Well, I forgive you.
You had too much reason for it. But I find, plainly enough, that if you
had got away, you would soon have been Williams's wife: and I can't see
how it could well have been otherwise. Indeed, sir, said I, I had no
notion of it, or of being any body's. I believe so, said he; but it must
have come as a thing of course; and I see your father was for it. Sir,
said he, I little thought of the honour your goodness would confer upon
her; and I thought that would be a match above what we could do for her,
a great deal. But when I found she was not for it, I resolved not to
urge her; but leave all to her own prudence.
I see, said he, all was sincere, honest, and open; and I speak of it, if
it had been done, as a thing that could hardly well be avoided; and I am
quite satisfied. But, said he, I must observe, as I have a hundred
times, with admiration, what a prodigious memory, and easy and happy
manner of narration, this excellent girl has! And though she is full of
her pretty tricks and artifices, to escape the snares I had laid for her,
yet all is innocent, lovely, and uniformly beautiful. You are
exceedingly happy in a daughter; and I hope I shall be so in a wife--Or,
said my father, may she not have that honour! I fear it not, said he;
and I hope I shall deserve it of her.
But, Pamela, said my master, I am sorry to find in some parts of your
journal, that Mrs. Jewkes carried her orders a little too far: and I the
more take notice of it, because you have not complained to me of her
behaviour, as she might have expected for some parts of it; though a good
deal was occasioned by my strict orders.--But she had the insolence to
strike my girl, I find. Sir, said I, I was a little provoking, I
believe; but as we forgave one another, I was the less entitled to
complain of her.
Well, said he, you are very good; but if you have any particular
resentment, I will indulge it so far, as that she shall hereafter have
nothing to do where you are. Sir, said I, you are so kind, that I ought
to forgive every body; and when I see that my happiness is brought about
by the very means that I thought then my greatest grievance, I ought to
bless those means, and forgive all that was disagreeable to me at the
same time, for the great good that hath issued from it.--That, said he,
and kissed me, is sweetly considered! and it shall be my part to make you
amends for what you have suffered, that you may still think lighter of
the one, and have cause to rejoice in the other.
My dear father's heart was full; and he said, with his hands folded, and
lifted up, Pray, sir, let me go--let me go--to my dear wife, and tell her
all these blessed things, while my heart holds; for it is ready to burst
with joy! Good man! said my master--I hope to hear this honest heart of
yours speaking at your lips. I enjoin you, Pamela, to continue your
relation, as you have opportunity; and though your father be here, write
to your mother, that this wondrous story be perfect, and we, your
friends, may read and admire you more and more. Ay, pray, pray do, my
child, said my father; and this is the reason that I write on, my dear
mother, when I thought not to do it, because my father could tell you all
that passed while he was here.
My master took notice of my psalm, and was pleased to commend it; and
said, That I had very charitably turned the last verses, which, in the
original, were full of heavy curses, to a wish that shewed I was not of
an implacable disposition though my then usage might have excused it, if
I had. But, said he, I think you shall sing it to me to-morrow.
After we have breakfasted, added he, if you have no objection, Pamela,
we'll take an airing together; and it shall be in the coach, because
we'll have your father's company. He would have excused himself; but my
master would have it so: but he was much ashamed, because of the meanness
of his appearance.
My master would make us both breakfast with him on chocolate; and he
said, I would have you, Pamela, begin to dress as you used to do; for
now, at least, you may call your two other bundles your own; and if you
want any thing against the approaching occasion, private as I design it,
I'll send to Lincoln for it, by a special messenger. I said, My good
lady's bounty, and his own, had set me much above my degree, and I had
very good things of all sorts; and I did not desire any other, because I
would not excite the censure of the ladies. That would be a different
thing, he was pleased to say, when he publicly owned his nuptials, after
we came to the other house. But, at present, if I was satisfied, he
would not make words with me.
I hope, Mr. Andrews, said he, to my father, you'll not leave us till you
see the affair over, and then you'll be sure I mean honourably: and,
besides, Pamela will be induced to set the day sooner. O, sir, said he,
I bless God I have no reason to doubt your meaning honourably: and I hope
you'll excuse me, if I set out on Monday morning, very early, to my dear
wife, and make her as happy as I am.
Why, Pamela, says my good master, may it not be performed on Tuesday?
And then your father, maybe, will stay.--I should have been glad to have
had it to-morrow, added he; but I have sent Monsieur Colbrand for a
license, that, you may have no scruple unanswered; and he can't very well
be back before to-morrow night, or Monday morning.
This was most agreeable news. I said, Sir, I know my dear father will
want to be at home: and as you was so good to give me a fortnight from
last Thursday, I should be glad you would be pleased to indulge me still
to some day in the second seven.
Well, said he, I will not be too urgent; but the sooner you fix, the
better. Mr. Andrews, we must leave something to these Jephthah's
daughters, in these cases, he was pleased to say: I suppose the little
bashful folly, which, in the happiest circumstances, may give a kind of
regret to quit the maiden state, and an awkwardness at the entrance into
a new one, is a reason with Pamela; and so she shall name her day. Sir,
said he, you are all goodness.
I went up soon after, and new dressed myself, taking possession, in a
happy moment, I hope, of my two bundles, as my good master was pleased to
call them; (alluding to my former division of those good things my lady
and himself bestowed upon me;) and so put on fine linen, silk shoes, and
fine white cotton stockings, a fine quilted coat, a delicate green Mantea
silk gown and coat, a French necklace, and a laced cambric handkerchief,
and clean gloves; and, taking my fan in my hand, I, like a little proud
hussy, looked in the glass, and thought myself a gentlewoman once more;
but I forgot not to return due thanks, for being able to put on this
dress with so much comfort.
Mrs. Jewkes would help to dress me, and complimented me highly, saying,
among other things, That now I looked like a lady indeed: and as, she
said, the little chapel was ready, and divine service would be read in it
to-morrow, she wished the happy knot might then be tied. Said she, Have
you not seen the chapel, madam, since it has been cleaned out? No, said
I; but are we to have service in it to-morrow, do you say?--I am glad of
that; for I have been a sad heathen lately, sore against my will!--But
who is to officiate?--Somebody, replied she, Mr. Peters will send. You
tell me very good news, said I, Mrs. Jewkes: I hope it will never be a
lumber-room again.--Ay, said she, I can tell you more good news; for the
two Misses Darnford, and Lady Jones, are to be here at the opening of it;
and will stay and dine with you. My master, said I, has not told me
that. You must alter your style, madam, said she: It must not be master
now, sure!--O, returned I, this is a language I shall never forget: he
shall always be my master; and I shall think myself more and more his
servant.
My poor father did not know I went up to dress myself; and he said his
heart misgave him when he saw me first, for fear I was made a fool of,
and that here was some fine lady that was to be my master's true wife.
And he stood in admiration, and said, O, my dear child, how well will you
become your happy condition! Why you look like a lady already! I hope,
my dear father, said I, and boldly kissed him, I shall always be your
dutiful daughter, whatever my condition be.
My master sent me word he was ready; and when he saw me, said, Dress as
you will, Pamela, you're a charming girl! and so handed me to the coach,
and would make my father and me sit both on the foreside, and sat
backwards, over against me; and bid the coachman drive to the meadow;
that is, where he once met Mr. Williams.
The conversation was most agreeable to me, and to my dear father, as we
went; and he more and more exceeded in goodness and generosity; and,
while I was gone up to dress, he had presented my father with twenty
guineas; desiring him to buy himself and my mother such apparel as they
should think proper; and lay it all out: but I knew not this till after
we came home; my father having had no opportunity to tell me of it.
He was pleased to inform me of the chapel being got in tolerable order;
and said, it looked very well; and against he came down next, it should
be all new white-washed, and painted and lined; and a new pulpit-cloth,
cushion, desk, etc. and that it should always be kept in order for the
future. He told me the two Misses Darnford, and Lady Jones, would dine
with him on Sunday: And, with their servants and mine, said he, we shall
make a tolerable congregation. And, added he, have I not well contrived
to shew you that the chapel is really a little house of God, and has been
consecrated, before we solemnize our nuptials in it?--O, sir, replied I,
your goodness to me is inexpressible! Mr. Peters, said he, offered to
come and officiate in it; but would not stay to dine with me, because he
has company at his own house: and so I intend that divine service shall
be performed in it by one to whom I shall make some yearly allowance, as
a sort of chaplain.--You look serious, Pamela, added he: I know you think
of your friend Williams. Indeed, sir, said I, if you won't be angry, I
did. Poor man! I am sorry I have been the cause of his disobliging you.
When we came to the meadow, where the gentry have their walk sometimes,
the coach stopt, and my master alighted, and led me to the brook-side,
and it is a very pretty summer walk. He asked my father, If he chose to
walk out, or go on in the coach to the farther end? He, poor man, chose
to go on in the coach, for fear, he said, any gentry should be walking
there; and he told me, he was most of the way upon his knees in the
coach, thanking God for his gracious mercies and goodness; and begging a
blessing upon my good master and me.
I was quite astonished, when we came into the shady walk, to see Mr.
Williams there. See there, said my master, there's poor Williams, taking
his solitary walk again, with his book. And, it seems, it was so
contrived; for Mr. Peters had been, as I since find, desired to tell him
to be in that walk at such an hour in the morning.
So, old acquaintance, said my master, again have I met you in this place?
What book are you now reading? He said, it was Boileau's Lutrin. Said
my master, You see I have brought with me my little fugitive, that would
have been: While you are perfecting yourself in French, I am trying to
learn English; and hope soon to be master of it.
Mine, sir, said he, is a very beautiful piece of French: but your English
has no equal.
You are very polite, Mr. Williams, said my master: And he that does not
think as you do, deserves no share in her. Why, Pamela, added he, very
generously, why so strange, where you have once been so familiar? I do
assure you both, that I mean not, by this interview, to insult Mr.
Williams, or confound you. Then I said, Mr. Williams, I am very glad to
see you well; and though the generous favour of my good master has
happily changed the scene, since you and I last saw one another, I am
nevertheless very glad of an opportunity to acknowledge, with gratitude,
your good intentions, not so much to serve me, as me, but as a person--
that then had great reason to believe herself in distress. And I hope,
sir, added I, to my master, your goodness will permit me to say this.
You, Pamela, said he, may make what acknowledgments you please to Mr.
Williams's good intentions; and I would have you speak as you think; but
I do not apprehend myself to be quite so much obliged to those
intentions.
Sir, said Mr. Williams, I beg leave to say, I knew well, that, by
education, you was no libertine; nor had I reason to think you so by
inclination; and, when you came to reflect, I hoped you would not be
displeased with me. And this was no small motive to me, at first, to do
as I did.
Ay, but Mr. Williams, said my master, could you think I should have had
reason to thank you, if, loving one person above all her sex, you had
robbed me of her, and married her yourself?--And then, said he, you are
to consider, that she was an old acquaintance of mine, and a quite new
one to you; that I had sent her down to my own house, for better securing
her; and that you, who had access to my house, could not effect your
purpose, without being guilty, in some sort, of a breach of the laws of
hospitality and friendship. As to my designs upon her, I own they had
not the best appearance; but still I was not answerable to Mr. Williams
for those; much less could you be excused to invade a property so very
dear to me, and to endeavour to gain an interest in her affections, when
you could not be certain that matters would not turn out as they have
actually done.
I own, said he, that some parts of my conduct seem exceptionable, as you
state it. But, sir, I am but a young man. I meant no harm. I had no
interest, I am sure, to incur your displeasure; and when you think of
every thing, and the inimitable graces of person, and perfections of
mind, that adorn this excellent lady, (so he called me,) you will,
perhaps, find your generosity allow something as an extenuation of a
fault, which your anger would not permit as an excuse.
I have done, said my master; nor did I meet you here to be angry with
you. Pamela knew not that she should see you: and now you are both
present, I would ask you, Mr. Williams, If, now you know my honourable
designs towards this good girl, you can really be almost, I will not say
quite, as well pleased with the friendship of my wife, as you could be
with the favour of Mrs. Andrews?
Sir, said he, I will answer you truly. I think I could have preferred,
with her, any condition that could have befallen me, had I considered
only myself. But, sir, I was very far from having any encouragement to
expect her favour; and I had much more reason to believe, that, if she
could have hoped for your goodness, her heart would have been too much
pre-engaged to think of any body else. And give me leave further to say,
sir, that, though I tell you sincerely my thoughts, were I only to
consider myself; yet, when I consider her good, and her merit, I should
be highly ungenerous, were it put to my choice, if I could not wish her
in a condition so much superior to what I could raise her to, and so very
answerable to her merit.
Pamela, said my master, you are obliged to Mr. Williams, and ought to
thank him: He has distinguished well. But, as for me, who had like to
have lost you by his means, I am glad the matter was not left to his
choice. Mr. Williams, added he, I give you Pamela's hand, because I know
it will be pleasing to her, in token of her friendship and esteem for
you; and I give you mine, that I will not be your enemy: but yet I must
say, that I think I owe this proper manner of your thinking more to your
disappointment, than to the generosity you talk of.
Mr. Williams kissed my hand, as my master gave it him; and my master
said, Sir, you will go home and dine with me, and I'll shew you my little
chapel; and do you, Pamela, look upon yourself at liberty to number Mr.
Williams in the list of your friends.
How generous, how noble, was this! Mr. Williams (and so had I) had tears
of pleasure in his eyes. I was silent: But Mr. Williams said, Sir, I
shall be taught, by your generosity, to think myself inexcusably wrong,
in every step I took, that could give you offence; and my future life
shall shew my respectful gratitude.
We walked on till we came to the coach, where was my dear father.
Pamela, said my master, tell Mr. Williams who that good man is. O, Mr.
Williams! said I, it is my dear father! and my master was pleased to say,
One of the honestest men in England: Pamela owes every thing that she is
to be, as well as her being, to him; for, I think, she would not have
brought me to this, nor made so great resistance, but for the good
lessons, and religious education, she had imbibed from him.
Mr. Williams said, taking father's hand, You see, good Mr. Andrews, with
inexpressible pleasure, no doubt, the fruits of your pious care; and now
are in a way, with your beloved daughter, to reap the happy effects of
it.--I am overcome, said my dear father, with his honour's goodness: But
I can only say, I bless God, and bless him.
Mr. Williams and I being nearer the coach than my master, and he offering
to draw back, to give way to him, he kindly said, Pray, Mr. Williams,
oblige Pamela with your hand; and step in yourself. He bowed, and took
my hand; and my master made him step in, and sit next me, all that ever
he could do; and sat himself over against him, next my father, who sat
against me.
And he said, Mr. Andrews, I told you yesterday that the divine you saw
was not Mr. Williams; I now tell you, this gentleman is: and though I
have been telling him, I think not myself obliged to his intentions; yet
I will own that Pamela and you are; and though I won't promise to love
him, I would have you.
Sir, said Mr. Williams, you have a way of overcoming, that hardly all my
reading affords an instance of; and it is the more noble, as it is on
this side, as I presume, the happy ceremony, which, great as your fortune
is, will lay you under an obligation to so much virtue and beauty, when
the lady becomes yours; for you will then have a treasure that princes
might envy you.
Said my generous master, (God bless him!) Mr. Williams, it is impossible
that you and I should long live at variance, when our sentiments agree so
well together, on subjects the most material.
I was quite confounded; and my master, seeing it, took my hand, and said,
Look up, my good girl; and collect yourself.--Don't injure Mr. Williams
and me so much, as to think we are capping compliments, as we used to do
verses at school. I dare answer for us both, that we say not a syllable
we don't think.
O sir, said I, how unequal am I to all this goodness! Every moment that
passes adds to the weight of the obligations you oppress me with.
Think not too much of that, said he most generously. Mr. Williams's
compliments to you have great advantage of mine: For, though equally
sincere, I have a great deal to say, and to do, to compensate the
sufferings I have made you undergo; and, at last, must sit down
dissatisfied, because those will never be balanced by all I can do for
you.
He saw my dear father quite unable to support these affecting instances
of his goodness;--and he let go my hand, and took his; and said, seeing
his tears, I wonder not, my dear Pamela's father, that your honest heart
springs thus to your eyes, to see all her trials at an end. I will not
pretend to say, that I had formerly either power or will to act thus: But
since I began to resolve on the change you see, I have reaped so much
pleasure in it, that my own interest will keep me steady: For, till
within these few days, I knew not what it was to be happy.
Poor Mr. Williams, with tears of joy in his eyes, said, How happily, sir,
have you been touched by the divine grace, before you have been hurried
into the commission of sins, that the deepest penitence could hardly have
atoned for!--God has enabled you to stop short of the evil; and you have
nothing to do, but to rejoice in the good, which now will be doubly so,
because you can receive it without the least inward reproach.
You do well, said he, to remind me, that I owe all this to the grace of
God. I bless Him for it; and I thank this good man for his excellent
lessons to his daughter; I thank her for following them: and I hope, from
her good example, and your friendship, Mr. Williams, in time, to be half
as good as my tutoress: and that, said he, I believe you'll own, will
make me, without disparagement to any man, the best fox-hunter in
England.--Mr. Williams was going to speak: and he said, You put on so
grave a look, Mr. Williams, that, I believe, what I have said, with you
practical good folks, is liable to exception: but I see we are become
quite grave; and we must not be too serious neither.
What a happy creature, my dear mother, is your Pamela!--O may my thankful
heart, and the good use I may be enabled to make of the blessings before
me, be a means to continue this delightful prospect to a long date, for
the sake of the dear good gentleman, who thus becomes the happy
instrument, in the hand of Providence, to bless all he smiles upon! To
be sure, I shall never enough acknowledge the value he is pleased to
express for my unworthiness, in that he has prevented my wishes, and,
unasked, sought the occasion of being reconciled to a good man, who, for
my sake, had incurred his displeasure; and whose name he could not, a few
days before, permit to pass through my lips! But see the wonderful ways
of Providence! The very things that I most dreaded his seeing or
knowing, the contents of my papers, have, as I hope, satisfied all his
scruples, and been a means to promote my happiness.
Henceforth let not us poor short-sighted mortals pretend to rely on our
own wisdom; or vainly think, that we are absolutely to direct for
ourselves. I have abundant reason, I am sure, to say, that, when I was
most disappointed, I was nearer my happiness: for had I made my escape,
which was so often my chief point in view, and what I had placed my heart
upon, I had escaped the blessings now before me, and fallen, perhaps
headlong, into the miseries I would have avoided. And yet, after all, it
was necessary I should take the steps I did, to bring on this wonderful
turn: O the unsearchable wisdom of God!--And how much ought I to adore
the divine goodness, and humble myself, who am made a poor instrument, as
I hope, not only to magnify his graciousness to this fine gentleman and
myself, but also to dispense benefits to others! Which God of his mercy
grant!
In the agreeable manner I have mentioned, did we pass the time in our
second happy tour; and I thought Mrs. Jewkes would have sunk into the
ground, when she saw Mr. Williams brought in the coach with us, and
treated so kindly. We dined together in a most pleasant, easy, and frank
manner; and I found I need not, from my master's generosity, to be under
any restraint, as to my conduct to this good clergyman: For he, so often
as he fancied I was reserved, moved me to be free with him, and to him;
and several times called upon me to help my father and Mr. Williams; and
seemed to take great delight in seeing me carve, as, indeed, he does in
every thing I do.
After dinner we went and looked into the chapel, which is a very pretty
one, and very decent; and, when finished as he designs it, against his
next coming down, will be a very pretty place.
My heart, my dear mother, when I first set my foot in it, throbbed a good
deal, with awful joy, at the thoughts of the solemnity, which, I hope,
will in a few days be performed here. And when I came up towards the
little pretty altar-piece, while they were looking at a communion-
picture, and saying it was prettily done, I gently stept into a corner,
out of sight, and poured out my soul to God on my knees, in supplication
and thankfulness, that, after having been so long absent from divine
service, the first time I entered into a house dedicated to his honour,
should be with such blessed prospects before me; and begging of God to
continue me humble, and to make me not unworthy of his mercies; and that
he would be pleased to bless the next author of my happiness, my good
master.
I heard my master say, Where's Pamela? And so I broke off sooner than I
would, and went up to him.
He said, Mr. Williams, I hope I have not so offended you by my conduct
past, (for really it is what I ought to be ashamed of,) as that you will
refuse to officiate, and to give us your instructions here to-morrow.
Mr. Peters was so kind, for the first time, to offer it; but I knew it
would be inconvenient for him; and, besides, I was willing to make this
request to you an introduction to our reconciliation.
Sir, said he, most willingly, and most gratefully, will I obey you:
Though, if you expect a discourse, I am wholly unprepared for the
occasion. I would not have it, replied he, pointed to any particular
occasion; but if you have one upon the text--There is more joy in Heaven
over one sinner that repenteth, than over ninety-nine just persons that
need no repentance; and if it makes me not such a sad fellow as to be
pointed at by mine and the ladies' servants we shall have here, I shall
be well content. 'Tis a general subject, added he, makes me speak of
that; but any one you please will do; for you cannot make a bad choice, I
am sure.
Sir, said he, I have one upon that text; but I am ready to think, that a
thanksgiving one, which I made on a great mercy to myself, if I may be
permitted to make my own acknowledgments of your favour the subject of a
discourse, will be suitable to my grateful sentiments. It is on the
text;--Now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace; for mine eyes have
seen thy salvation.
That text, said I, will be a very suitable one for me. Not so, Pamela,
said my master; because I don't let you depart in peace; but I hope you
will stay here with content.
O but, sir, said I, I have seen God's salvation!--I am sure, added I, if
any body ever had reason, I have to say, with the blessed virgin, My soul
doth magnify the Lord; for he hath regarded the low estate of his
handmaiden--and exalted one of low degree.
Said my good father, I am sure, if there were time for it, the book of
Ruth would afford a fine subject for the honour done my dear child.
Why, good Mr. Andrews, said my master, should you say so?--I know that
story, and Mr. Williams will confirm what I say, that my good girl here
will confer at least as much honour as she will receive.
Sir, said I, you are inexpressibly generous; but I shall never think so.
Why, my Pamela, said he, that's another thing: It will be best for me to
think you will; and it will be kind in you to think you shan't; and then
we shall always have an excellent rule to regulate our conduct by to one
another.
Was not this finely, nobly, wisely said, my dear mother?--O what a
blessed thing it is to be matched to a man of sense and generosity!--How
edifying! How!--But what shall I say?--I am at loss for words.
Mr. Williams said, when we came out of the little chapel, He would go
home, and look over his discourses, for one for the next day. My master
said, I have one thing to say before you go--When my jealousy, on account
of this good girl, put me upon such a vindictive conduct to you, you know
I took a bond for the money I had caused you to be troubled for: I really
am ashamed of the matter; because I never intended, when I presented it
to you, to have it again, you may be sure: But I knew not what might
happen between you and her, nor how far matters might have gone between
you; and so I was willing to have that in awe over you. And I think it
is no extraordinary present, therefore, to give you up your bond again
cancelled. And so he took it from his pocket, and gave it him. I think,
added he, all the charges attending it, and the trouble you had, were
defrayed by my attorney; I ordered that they should. They were, sir,
said he; and ten thousand thanks to you for this goodness, and the kind
manner in which you do it.--If you will go, Mr. Williams, said he, shall
my chariot carry you home? No, sir, answered he, I thank you. My time
will be so well employed all the way, in thinking of your favours, that I
choose to meditate upon them, as I walk home.
My dear father was a little uneasy about his habit, for appearing at
chapel next day, because of Misses Darnford and the servants, for fear,
poor man, he should disgrace my master; and he told me, when he was
mentioning this, of my master's kind present of twenty guineas for
clothes, for you both; which made my heart truly joyful. But oh! to be
sure, I can never deserve the hundredth part of his goodness!--It is
almost a hard thing to be under the weight of such deep obligations on
one side, and such a sense of one's own unworthiness on the other.--O!
what a Godlike power is that of doing good!--I envy the rich and the
great for nothing else.
My master coming to us just then, I said, Oh! sir, will your bounty know
no limits? My dear father has told me what you have given him.--A
trifle, Pamela, said he, a little earnest only of my kindness.--Say no
more of it. But did I not hear the good man expressing some sort of
concern for somewhat? Hide nothing from me, Pamela. Only, sir, said I,
he knew not how to absent himself from divine service, and yet is afraid
of disgracing you by appearing.
Fie, Mr. Andrews! said he, I thought you knew that the outward appearance
was nothing. I wish I had as good a habit inwardly as you have. But
I'll tell you, Pamela, your father is not so much thinner than I am, nor
much shorter; he and I will walk up together to my wardrobe; though it is
not so well stored here, as in Bedfordshire.
And so, said he, pleasantly, don't you pretend to come near us, till I
call for you; for you must not yet see how men dress and undress
themselves. O sir, said my father, I beg to be excused. I am sorry you
were told. So am not I, said my master: Pray come along with me.
He carried him up stairs, and shewed him several suits, and would have
had him take his choice. My poor father was quite confounded: for my
master saw not any he thought too good, and my father none that he
thought bad enough. And my good master, at last, (he fixed his eye upon
a fine drab, which he thought looked the plainest,) would help him to try
the coat and waistcoat on himself; and, indeed, one would not have
thought it, because my master is taller, and rather plumper, as I thought
but, as I saw afterwards, they fitted him very well. And being plain,
and lined with the same colour, and made for travelling in a coach,
pleased my poor father much. He gave him the whole suit, and, calling up
Mrs. Jewkes, said, Let these clothes be well aired against tomorrow
morning. Mr. Andrews brought only with him his common apparel, not
thinking to stay Sunday with us. And pray see for some of my stockings,
and whether any of my shoes will fit him: And see also for some of my
linen; for we have put the good man quite out of his course, by keeping
him Sunday over. He was then pleased to give him the silver buckles out
of his own shoes. So, my good mother, you must expect to see my dear
father a great beau. Wig, said my master, he wants none; for his own
venerable white locks are better than all the perukes in England.--But I
am sure I have hats enough somewhere.--I'll take care of every thing,
sir, said Mrs. Jewkes.--And my poor father, when he came to me, could not
refrain tears. I know not how, said he, to comport myself under these
great favours. O my child, it is all owing to the divine goodness, and
your virtue.
Sunday.
This blessed day all the family seemed to take delight to equip
themselves for the celebration of the Sabbath in the little chapel; and
Lady Jones and Mr. Williams came in her chariot, and the two Misses
Darnford in their own. And we breakfasted together in a most agreeable
manner. My dear father appeared quite spruce and neat, and was quite
caressed by the three ladies. As we were at breakfast, my master told
Mr. Williams, We must let the Psalms alone, he doubted, for want of a
clerk: but Mr. Williams said, No, nothing should be wanting that he could
supply. My father said, If it might be permitted him, he would, as well
as he was able, perform that office; for it was always what he had taken
delight in. And as I knew he had learnt psalmody formerly, in his youth,
and had constantly practised it in private, at home, on Sunday evenings,
(as well as endeavoured to teach it in the little school he so
unsuccessfully set up, at the beginning of his misfortunes, before he
took to hard labour,) I was in no pain for his undertaking it in this
little congregation. They seemed much pleased with this; and so we went
to chapel, and made a pretty tolerable appearance; Mrs. Jewkes, and all
the servants, attending, but the cook: And I never saw divine service
performed with more solemnity, nor assisted at with greater devotion and
decency; my master, Lady Jones, and the two misses, setting a lovely
example.
My good father performed his part with great applause, making the
responses, as if he had been a practised parish-clerk; and giving the
xxiiid psalm,
[The Lord is only my support,
And he that doth me feed:
How can I then lack any thing
Whereof I stand in need?
In pastures green he feedeth me,
Where I do safely lie;
And after leads me to the streams,
Which run most pleasantly.
And when I find myself near lost,
Then home he doth me take;
Conducting me in his right paths,
E'en for his own name's sake.
And tho' I were e'en at death's door,
Yet would I fear no ill:
For both thy rod and shepherd's crook
Afford me comfort still.
Thou hast my table richly spread
In presence of my foe:
Thou hast my head with balm refresh'd,
My cup doth overflow.
And finally, while breath doth last,
Thy grace shall me defend:
And in the house of God will I
My life for ever spend.]
which consisted of but three staves, we had it all; and he read the line,
and began the tune with a heart so entirely affected with the duty, that
he went through it distinctly, calmly, and fervently at the same time; so
that Lady Jones whispered me, That good man were fit for all companies,
and present to every laudable occasion: And Miss Darnford said, God bless
the dear good man!--You must think how I rejoiced in my mind.
I know, my dear mother, you can say most of the shortest psalms by heart;
so I need not transcribe it, especially as your chief treasure is a
bible; and a worthy treasure it is. I know nobody makes more or better
use of it.
Mr. Williams gave us an excellent discourse on liberality and generosity,
and the blessings attending the right use of riches, from the xith
chapter of Proverbs, ver. 24, 25. There is that scattereth, and yet
increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it
tendeth to poverty. The liberal soul shall be made fat: And he that
watereth, shall be watered also himself. And he treated the subject in
so handsome a manner, that my master's delicacy, who, at first, was
afraid of some personal compliments, was not offended. Mr. Williams
judiciously keeping to generals; and it was an elegant and sensible
discourse, as my master said.
My father was in the clerk's place, just under the desk; and Lady Jones,
by her footman, whispered him to favour us with another psalm, when the
sermon was ended. He thinking, as he said afterwards, that the former
was rather of the longest, chose the shortest in the book, which you know
is the cxviith.
[O all ye nations of the world,
Praise ye the Lord always:
And all ye people every where
Set forth his noble praise.
For great his kindness is to us;
His truth doth not decay:
Wherefore praise ye the Lord our God;
Praise ye the Lord alway.]
My master thanked Mr. Williams for his excellent discourse, and so did
the ladies; as also did I most heartily: and he was pleased to take my
dear father by the hand, as did also Mr. Williams, and thanked him. The
ladies, likewise, made him their compliments; and the servants all looked
upon him with countenances of respect and pleasure.
At dinner, do what I could, I was forced to take the upper end of the
table; and my master sat at the lower end, between Mr. Williams and my
father. And he said, Pamela, you are so dexterous, that I think you may
help the ladies yourself; and I will help my two good friends. I should
have told you, though, that I dressed myself in a flowered satin, that
was my lady's, and looked quite fresh and good, and which was given me,
at first, by my master; and the ladies, who had not seen me out of my
homespun before, made me abundance of fine compliments, as soon as they
saw me first.
Talking of the Psalms just after dinner, my master was very naughty, if I
may so say: For he said to my father, Mr. Andrews, I think in the
afternoon, as we shall have only prayers, we may have one longer psalm;
and what think you of the cxxxviith? O, good sir! said I, pray, pray,
not a word more! Say what you will, Pamela, said he, you shall sing it
to us, according to your on version, before these good ladies go away.
My father smiled, but was half concerned for me; and said, Will it bear,
and please your honour?--O ay, said he, never fear it; so long as Mrs.
Jewkes is not in the hearing.
This excited all the ladies' curiosity; and Lady Jones said, She would be
loath to desire to hear any thing that would give me concern; but should
be glad I would give leave for it. Indeed, madam, said I, I must beg you
won't insist upon it. I cannot bear it.--You shall see it, indeed,
ladies, said my master; and pray, Pamela, not always as you please,
neither.--Then, pray sir, said I, not in my hearing, I hope.--Sure,
Pamela, returned he, you would not write what is not fit to be heard!--
But, sir, said I, there are particular cases, times, and occasions, that
may make a thing passable at one time, that would not be tolerable at
another. O, said he, let me judge of that, as well as you, Pamela.
These ladies know a good part of your story; and, let me tell you, what
they know is more to your credit than mine; so that if I have no
averseness to reviving the occasion, you may very well bear it. Said he,
I will put you out of your pain, Pamela: here it is: and took it out of
his pocket.
I stood up, and said, Indeed, sir, I can't bear it; I hope you'll allow
me to leave the room a minute, if you will read it. Indeed but I won't,
answered he. Lady Jones said, Pray, good sir, don't let us hear it, if
Mrs. Andrews be so unwilling. Well, Pamela, said my master, I will put
it to your choice, whether I shall read it now, or you will sing it by
and by. That's very hard, sir, said I. It must be one, I assure you,
said he. Why then, sir, replied I, you must do as you please; for I
cannot sing it.
Well, then, said my master, I find I must read it; and yet, added he,
after all, I had as well let it alone, for it is no great reputation to
myself. O then, said Miss Darnford, pray let us hear it, to choose.
Why then, proceeded he, the case was this: Pamela, I find, when she was
in the time of her confinement, (that is, added he, when she was taken
prisoner, in order to make me one; for that is the upshot of the matter,)
in the journal she kept, which was intended for nobody's perusal but her
parents, tells them, that she was importuned, one Sunday, by Mrs. Jewkes,
to sing a psalm; but her spirits not permitting, she declined it: But
after Mrs. Jewkes was gone down, she says, she recollected, that the
cxxxviith psalm was applicable to her own case; Mrs. Jewkes having often,
on other days, in vain, besought her to sing a song: That thereupon she
turned it more to her own supposed case; and believing Mrs. Jewkes had a
design against her honour, and looking upon her as her gaoler, she thus
gives her version of this psalm. But pray, Mr. Williams, do you read one
verse of the common translation, and I will read one of Pamela's. Then
Mr. Williams, pulling out his little pocket Common-Prayer-Book, read the
first two stanzas:
I.
When we did sit in Babylon,
The rivers round about;
Then in remembrance of Sion,
The tears for grief burst out.
II.
We hang'd our harps and instruments
The willow trees upon:
For in that place, men, for that use,
Had planted many a one.
My master then read:
I.
When sad I sat in B----n-hall,
All guarded round about,
And thought of ev'ry absent friend,
The tears for grief burst out.
II.
My joys and hopes all overthrown,
My heart-strings almost broke,
Unfit my mind for melody,
Much more to bear a joke.
The ladies said, It was very pretty; and Miss Darnford, That somebody
else had more need to be concerned than the versifier.
I knew, said my master, I should get no credit by shewing this. But let
us read on, Mr. Williams. So Mr. Williams read:
III.
Then they, to whom we pris'ners were,
Said to us, tauntingly,
Now let us hear your Hebrew songs,
And pleasant melody.
Now this, said my master, is very near; and read:
III.
Then she, to whom I prisoner was,
Said to me tauntingly,
Now cheer your heart, and sing a song,
And tune your mind to joy.
Mighty sweet, said Mr. Williams. But let us see how the next verse is
turned. It is this:
IV.
Alas! said we; who can once frame
His heavy heart to sing
The praises of our living God,
Thus under a strange king?
Why, said my master, it is turned with beautiful simplicity, thus:
IV.
Alas! said I, how can I frame
My heavy heart to sing,
Or tune my mind, while thus enthrall'd
By such a wicked thing?
Very pretty, said Mr. Williams. Lady Jones said, O, dear madam! could
you wish that we should be deprived of this new instance of your genius
and accomplishments?
O! said my dear father, you will make my good child proud. No, said my
master very generously, Pamela can't be proud. For no one is proud to
hear themselves praised, but those who are not used to it.--But proceed,
Mr. Williams. He read:
V.
But yet, if I Jerusalem
Out of my heart let slide;
Then let my fingers quite forget
The warbling harp to guide.
Well, now, said my master, for Pamela's version:
V.
But yet, if from my innocence
I ev'n in thought should slide,
Then let my fingers quite forget
The sweet spinnet to guide.
Mr. Williams read:
VI.
And let my tongue, within my mouth,
Be ty'd for ever fast,
If I rejoice, before I see
Thy full deliv'rance past.
This, also, said my master, is very near:
VI.
And let my tongue, within my mouth,
Be lock'd for ever fast,
If I rejoice, before I see
My full deliv'rance past.
Now, good sir, said I, oblige me; don't read any further: pray don't! O
pray, madam, said Mr. Williams, let me beg to have the rest read; for I
long to know whom you make the Sons of Edom, and how you turn the
Psalmist's execrations against the insulting Babylonians.
Well, Mr. Williams, replied I, you should not have said so. O, said my
master, that is one of the best things of all. Poor Mrs. Jewkes stands
for Edom's Sons; and we must not lose this, because I think it one of my
Pamela's excellencies, that, though thus oppressed, she prays for no harm
upon the oppressor. Read, Mr. Williams, the next stanza. So he read:
VII.
Therefore, O Lord! remember now
The cursed noise and cry,
That Edom's sons against us made,
When they ras'd our city.
VIII.
Remember, Lord, their cruel words,
When, with a mighty sound,
They cried, Down, yea down with it,
Unto the very ground!
Well, said my master, here seems, in what I am going to read, a little
bit of a curse indeed, but I think it makes no ill figure in the
comparison.
VII.
And thou, Almighty! recompense
The evils I endure
From those who seek my sad disgrace,
So causeless, to procure.
And now, said he, for Edom's Sons. Though a little severe in the
imputation.
VIII.
Remember, Lord, this Mrs. Jewkes,
When with a mighty sound,
She cries, Down with her chastity,
Down to the very ground!
Sure, sir, said I, this might have been spared! But the ladies and Mr.
Williams said, No, by no means! And I see the poor wicked woman has no
favourers among them.
Now, said my master, read the Psalmist's heavy curses: and Mr. Williams
read:
IX.
Ev'n so shalt thou, O Babylon!
At length to dust be brought:
And happy shall that man be call'd,
That our revenge hath wrought.
X.
Yea, blessed shall the man be call'd
That takes thy little ones,
And dasheth them in pieces small
Against the very stones.
Thus he said, very kindly, has my Pamela turned these lines:
IX.
Ev'n so shalt thou, O wicked one!
At length to shame be brought;
And happy shall all those be call'd,
That my deliv'rance wrought.
X.
Yea, blessed shall the man be call'd
That shames thee of thy evil,
And saves me from thy vile attempts,
And thee, too, from the d---l.
I fancy this blessed man, said my master smiling, was, at that time,
hoped to be you, Mr. Williams, if the truth was known. Sir, said he,
whoever it was intended for then, it can be nobody but your good self
now.
I could hardly hold up my head for the praises the kind ladies were
pleased to heap upon me. I am sure, by this, they are very partial in my
favour; all because my master is so good to me, and loves to hear me
praised; for I see no such excellence in these lines, as they would make
me believe, besides what is borrowed from the Psalmist.
We all, as before, and the cook-maid too, attended the prayers of the
church in the afternoon; and my dear father concluded with the following
stanzas of the cxlvth psalm; suitably magnifying the holy name of God for
all mercies; but did not observe, altogether, the method in which they
stand; which was the less necessary, he thought, as he gave out the
lines.
The Lord is just in all his ways:
His works are holy all:
And he is near all those that do
In truth upon him call.
He the desires of all them
That fear him, will fulfil;
And he will hear them when they cry,
And save them all he will.
The eyes of all do wait on thee;
Thou dost them all relieve:
And thou to each sufficient food,
In season due, dost give.
Thou openest thy plenteous hand,
And bounteously dost fill
All things whatever, that do live,
With gifts of thy good will.
My thankful mouth shall gladly speak
The praises of the Lord:
All flesh, to praise his holy name,
For ever shall accord.
We walked in the garden till tea was ready; and as he went by the back-
door, my master said to me, Of all the flowers in the garden, the sun-
flower is the fairest!--O, sir, said I, let that be now forgot! Mr.
Williams heard him say so, and seemed a little out of countenance:
Whereupon my master said, I mean not to make you serious, Mr. Williams;
but we see how strangely things are brought about. I see other scenes
hereabouts, that, in my Pamela's dangers, give me more cause of concern,
than any thing you ever did should give you. Sir, said he, you are very
generous.
My master and Mr. Williams afterwards walked together for a quarter of an
hour; and talked about general things, and some scholastic subjects; and
joined us, very well pleased with one another's conversation.
Lady Jones said, putting herself on one side of me, as my master was on
the other, But pray, sir, when is the happy time to be? We want it over,
that we may have you with us as long afterwards as you can. Said my
master, I would have it to-morrow, or next day at farthest, if Pamela
will: for I have sent for a license, and the messenger will be here to-
night, or early in the morning, I hope. But, added he, pray, Pamela, do
not take beyond Thursday. She was pleased to say, Sure it will not be
delayed by you, madam, more than needs!--Well, said he, now you are on my
side, I will leave you with her to settle it: and, I hope, she will not
let little bashful niceties be important with her; and so he joined the
two misses.
Lady Jones told me, I was to blame, she would take upon her to say, if I
delayed it a moment; because she understood Lady Davers was very uneasy
at the prospect, that it would be so; and if any thing should happen, it
would be a sad thing!--Madam, said I, when he was pleased to mention it
to me first, he said it should be in fourteen days; and afterwards, asked
me if I would have it in the first or the second seven? I answered--for
how could I do otherwise?--In the second. He desired it might not be the
last day of the second seven. Now, madam, said I, as he was then pleased
to speak his mind, no doubt, I would not, for any thing, seem too
forward.
Well, but, said she, as he now urges you in so genteel and gentlemanly a
manner for a shorter day, I think, if I was in your place, I would agree
to it. She saw me hesitate and blush, and said, Well, you know best; but
I say only what I would do. I said, I would consider of it; and if I saw
he was very earnest, to be sure I should think I ought to oblige him.
Misses Darnford were begging to be at the wedding, and to have a ball:
and they said, Pray, Mrs. Andrews, second our requests, and we shall be
greatly obliged to you. Indeed, ladies, said I, I cannot promise that,
if I might.--Why so? said they.--Because, answered I--I know not what!
But I think one may, with pleasure, celebrate an anniversary of one's
nuptials; but the day itself--Indeed, ladies, I think it is too solemn a
business, for the parties of our sex to be very gay upon: it is a quite
serious and awful affair: and I am sure, in your own cases, you would be
of my mind. Why, then, said Miss Darnford, the more need one has to be
as light-hearted and merry as one can.
I told you, said my master, what sort of an answer you'd have from
Pamela. The younger miss said, She never heard of such grave folks in
her life, on such an occasion: Why, sir, said she, I hope you'll sing
psalms all day, and miss will fast and pray! Such sackcloth and ashes
doings, for a wedding, did I never hear of!--She spoke a little
spitefully, I thought; and I returned no answer. I shall have enough to
do, I reckon, in a while, if I am to answer every one that will envy me!
We went in to tea; and all that the ladies could prevail upon my master
for, was a dancing match before he left this county: But Miss Darnford
said, It should then be at their house; for, truly, if she might not be
at the wedding, she would be affronted, and come no more hither, till we
had been there.
When they were gone, my master would have had my father stay till the
affair was over; but he begged he might set out as soon as it was light
in the morning; for, he said, my mother would be doubly uneasy at his
stay; and he burned with impatience to let her know all the happy things
that had befallen her daughter. When my master found him so desirous to
go, he called Mr. Thomas, and ordered him to get a particular bay horse
ready betimes in the morning, for my father, and a portmanteau, to put
his things in; and to attend him a day's journey: And if, said he, Mr.
Andrews chooses it, see him safe to his own home: And, added he, since
that horse will serve you, Mr. Andrews, to ride backwards and forwards,
to see us, when we go into Bedfordshire, I make you a present of it, with
the accoutrements. And, seeing my father going to speak, he added, I
won't be said nay. O how good was this!
He also said a great many kind things at supper-time, and gave him all
the papers he had of mine; but desired, when he and my mother had read
them, that he would return them to him again. And then he said, So
affectionate a father and daughter may, perhaps, be glad to be alone
together; therefore remember me to your good wife, and tell her, it will
not be long, I hope, before I see you together; on a visit to your
daughter, at my other house: and so I wish you good night, and a good
journey, if you go before I see you. And then he shook hands, and left
my dear father almost unable to speak, through the sense of his favours
and goodness.
You may believe, my dear mother, how loath I was to part with my good
father; and he was also unwilling to part with me; but he was so
impatient to see you, and tell you the blessed tidings, with which his
heart overflowed, that I could hardly wish to detain him.
Mrs. Jewkes brought two bottles of cherry-brandy, and two of cinnamon-
water, and some cake; and they were put up in the portmanteau, with my
father's newly presented clothes; for he said, He would not, for any
thing, be seen in them in his neighbourhood, till I was actually known,
by every body, to be married; nor would he lay out any part of the twenty
guineas till then neither, for fear of reflections; and then he would
consult me as to what he would buy. Well, said I, as you please, my dear
father; and I hope now we shall often have the pleasure of hearing from
one another, without needing any art or contrivances.
He said, He would go to bed betimes, that he might be up as soon as it
was light; and so he took leave of me, and said, He would not love me, if
I got up in the morning to see him go; which would but make us both loath
to part, and grieve us both all day.
Mr. Thomas brought him a pair of boots, and told him, He would call him
up at peep of day, and put up every thing over night; and so I received
his blessing, and his prayers, and his kind promises of procuring the
same from you, my dear mother; and went up to my closet with a heavy
heart, and yet a half-pleased one, if I may so say; for that, as he must
go, he was going to the best of wives, and with the best of tidings. But
I begged he would not work so hard as he had done; for I was sure my
master would not have given him twenty guineas for clothes, if he had not
designed to do something else for him; and that he should be the less
concerned at receiving benefits, from my good master, because he, who had
so many persons to employ in his large possessions, could make him
serviceable, to a degree equivalent, without hurting any body else.
He promised me fair; and, pray, dear mother, see he performs. I hope my
master will not see this: for I will not send it you, at present, till I
can send you the best of news; and the rather, as my dear father can
supply the greatest part of what I have written, since the papers he
carries you, by his own observation. So good night, my dear mother: And
God send my father a safe journey, and a happy meeting to you both!
Monday.
Mr. Colbrand being returned, my master came up to me to my closet, and
brought me the license. O how my heart fluttered at the sight of it!
Now, Pamela, said he, tell me, if you can oblige me with the day. Your
word is all that's wanting. I made bold to kiss his dear hand; and,
though unable to look up, said--I know not what to say, sir, to all your
goodness: I would not, for any consideration, that you should believe me
capable of receiving negligently an honour, that all the duty of a long
life, were it to be lent me, will not be sufficient to enable me to be
grateful for. I ought to resign myself, in every thing I may or can,
implicitly to your will. But--But what? said he, with a kind
impatience.--Why, sir, said I, when from last Thursday you mentioned four
days, I had reason to think that term your choice; and my heart is so
wholly yours, that I am afraid of nothing, but that I may be forwarder
than you wish. Impossible, my dear creature! said he, and folded me in
his arms: Impossible! If this be all, it shall be set about this moment,
and this happy day shall make you mine!--I'll send away instantly, said
the dear gentleman; and was going.
I said, No, pray, sir, pray, sir, hear me!--Indeed it cannot be to-day!--
Cannot! said he.--No, indeed, sir! said I--And was ready to sink to see
his generous impatience. Why flattered you then my fond heart, replied
he, with the hope that it might?--Sir, said I, I will tell you what I had
thought, if you'll vouchsafe me your attention. Do then, said he.
I have, sir, proceeded I, a great desire, that, whenever the day is, it
may be on a Thursday: On a Thursday my dear father and mother were
married; and, though poor, they are a very happy pair.--On a Thursday
your poor Pamela was born. On a Thursday my dear good lady took me from
my parents into her protection. On a Thursday, sir, you caused me to be
carried away to this place, to which I now, by God's goodness, and your
favour, owe so amazingly all my present prospects; and on a Thursday it
was, you named to me, that fourteen days from that you would confirm my
happiness. Now, sir, if you please to indulge my superstitious folly,
you will greatly oblige me. I was sorry, sir, for this reason, when you
bid me not defer till the last day of the fourteen, that Thursday in next
week was that last day.
This, Pamela, is a little superstitious, I must needs say; and I think
you should begin now to make another day in the week a happy one; as for
example; on a Monday, may you say, my father and mother concluded to be
married on the Thursday following. On a Monday, so many years ago, my
mother was preparing all her matters to be brought to bed on the Thursday
following. On a Monday, several weeks ago, it was that you had but two
days more to stay, till you was carried away on Thursday. On a Monday, I
myself, said he, well remember, it was that I wrote you the letter, that
prevailed on you so kindly to return to me; and on the same day you did
return to my house here; which I hope, my girl, will be as propitious an
era as any you have named: And now, lastly, will you say, which will
crown the work; And, on a Monday I was married.--Come, come, my dear,
added he, Thursday has reigned long enough o'conscience; let us now set
Monday in its place, or at least on an equality with it, since you see it
has a very good title, and as we now stand in the week before us, claims
priority: And then, I hope, we shall make Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday,
Saturday, and Sunday, as happy days as Monday and Thursday; and so, by
God's blessing, move round, as the days move, in a delightful circle,
till we are at a loss what day to prefer to the rest.
O how charmingly was this said!--And how sweetly kind!
Indeed, sir, said I, you rally my folly very agreeably; but don't let a
little matter stand in the way, when you are so generously obliging in a
greater: Indeed I like Thursday best, if I may choose.
Well, then, said he, if you can say you have a better reason than this, I
will oblige you; else I'll send away for the parson this moment.
And so, I protest, he was going!--Dear sirs, how I trembled! Stay, stay,
sir, said I: we have a great deal to say first; I have a deal of silly
prate to trouble you with!--Well, say then, in a minute, replied he, the
most material: for all we have to say may be talked of while the parson
is coming.--O, but indeed, and indeed, said I, it cannot be to-day!--
Well, then, shall it be to-morrow? said he.--Why, sir, if it must not be
on a Thursday, you have given so many pleasant distinctions for a Monday,
that let it then be next Monday.--What! a week still? said he. Sir,
answered I, if you please; for that will be, as you enjoined, within the
second seven days. Why, girl, said he, 'twill be seven months till next
Monday. Let it, said he, if not to-morrow, be on Wednesday; I protest I
will stay no longer.
Then, sir, returned I, please to defer it, however, for one day more, and
it will be my beloved Thursday! If I consent to defer it till then, may
I hope, my Pamela, said he, that next Thursday shall certainly be the
happy day?--Yes, sir, said I and I am sure I looked very foolishly!
And yet, my dear father and mother, why should I, with such a fine
gentleman? And whom I so dearly love? And so much to my honour too?
But there is something greatly awful upon my mind, in the solemn
circumstance, and a change of condition never to be recalled, though all
the prospects are so desirable. And I can but wonder at the thoughtless
precipitancy with which most young folks run into this important change
of life!
So now, my dear parents, have I been brought to fix so near a day as next
Thursday; and this is Monday. O dear, it makes one out of breath almost
to think of it! This, though, was a great cut off; a whole week out of
ten days. I hope I am not too forward! I'm sure, if it obliges my dear
master, I am justified; for he deserves of me all things in my poor
power.
After this, he rode out on horseback, attended by Abraham, and did not
return till night. How by degrees things steal upon one! I thought even
this small absence tedious; and the more, as we expected him home to
dinner.--I wish I may not be too fond, and make him indifferent: But yet,
my dear father and mother, you were always fond of one another, and never
indifferent, let the world run as it would.
When he returned, he said, He had had a pleasant ride, and was led out to
a greater distance than he intended. At supper he told me, that he had a
great mind Mr. Williams should marry us; because, he said, it would shew
a thorough reconciliation on his part. But, said he, most generously, I
am apprehensive, from what passed between you, that the poor man will
take it hardly, and as a sort of insult, which I am not capable of. What
says my girl?--Do you think he would? I hope not, sir, said I: As to
what he may think, I can't answer; but as to any reason for his thoughts,
I can: For indeed, sir, said I, you have been already so generous, that
he cannot, I think, mistake your goodness.
He then spoke with some resentment of Lady Davers's behaviour, and I
asked, if any thing new had occurred? Yes, said he; I have had a letter
delivered me from her impertinent husband, professedly at her
instigation, that amounted to little less than a piece of insolent
bravery, on supposing I was about to marry you. I was so provoked, added
he, that after I had read it, I tore it in a hundred pieces, and
scattered them in the air, and bid the man who brought it let his master
know what I had done with his letter; and so would not permit him to
speak to me, as he would fain have done,--I think the fellow talked
somewhat of his lady coming hither; but she shall not set her foot within
my doors; and I suppose this treatment will hinder her.
I was much concerned at this: And he said, Had I a hundred sisters,
Pamela, their opposition should have no weight with me: and I did not
intend you should know it; but you can't but expect a little difficulty
from the pride of my sister, who have suffered so much from that of her
brother; and we are too nearly allied in mind, as well as blood, I find.
--But this is not her business: And if she would have made it so, she
should have done it with more decency. Little occasion had she to boast
of her birth, that knows not what belongs to good manners.
I said, I am very sorry, sir, to be the unhappy occasion of a
misunderstanding between so good a brother and so worthy a sister. Don't
say so, Pamela, because this is an unavoidable consequence of the happy
prospect before us. Only bear it well yourself, because she is my
sister; and leave it to me to make her sensible of her own rashness.
If, sir, said I, the most lowly behaviour, and humble deportment, and in
every thing shewing a dutiful regard to good Lady Davers, will have any
weight with her ladyship, assure yourself of all in my power to mollify
her. No, Pamela, returned he; don't imagine, when you are my wife, I
will suffer you to do any thing unworthy of that character. I know the
duty of a husband, and will protect your gentleness to the utmost, as
much as if you were a princess by descent.
You are inexpressibly good, sir, said I; but I am far from taking a
gentle disposition to shew a meanness of spirit: And this is a trial I
ought to expect; and well I may bear it, that have so many benefits to
set against it, which all spring from the same cause.
Well, said he, all the matter shall be this: We will talk of our marriage
as a thing to be done next week. I find I have spies upon me wherever I
go, and whatever I do: But now, I am on so laudable a pursuit, that I
value them not, nor those who employ them. I have already ordered my
servants to have no conference with any body for ten or twelve days to
come. And Mrs. Jewkes tells me every one names Thursday come se'nnight
for our nuptials. So I will get Mr. Peters, who wants to see my little
chapel, to assist Mr. Williams, under the notion of breakfasting with me
next Thursday morning, since you won't have it sooner; and there will
nobody else be wanting; and I will beg of Mr. Peters to keep it private,
even from his own family, for a few days. Has my girl any objection?
O, sir, answered I, you are so generous in all your ways, I can have no
objections!--But I hope Lady Davers and you will not proceed to
irreconcilable lengths; and when her ladyship comes to see you, and to
tarry with you, two or three weeks, as she used to do, I will keep close
up, so as not to disgust her with the sight of me.
Well, Pamela, said he, we will talk of that afterwards. You must do then
as I shall think fit: And I shall be able to judge what both you and I
ought to do. But what still aggravates the matter is, that she should
instigate the titled ape her husband to write to me, after she had so
little succeeded herself. I wish I had kept his letter, that I might
have shewn you how a man, that generally acts like a fool, can take upon
him to write like a lord. But I suppose it is of my sister's penning,
and he, poor man! is the humble copier.
Tuesday.
Mr. Thomas is returned from you, my dear father, with the good news of
your health, and your proceeding in your journey to my dear mother, where
I hope to hear soon you are arrived. My master has just now been making
me play upon the spinnet, and sing to it; and was pleased to commend me
for both. But he does so for every thing I do, so partial does his
goodness make him to me.
One o'clock.
We are just returned from an airing in the chariot; and I have been
delighted with his conversation upon English authors, poets particularly.
He entertained me also with a description of some of the curiosities he
had seen in Italy and France, when he made what the polite world call the
grand tour. He said he wanted to be at his other seat, for he knew not
well how to employ himself here, having not proposed to stay half the
time: And when I get there, Pamela, said he, you will hardly be troubled
with so much of my company, after we have settled; for I have a great
many things to adjust: And I must go to London; for I have accounts that
have run on longer than ordinary with my banker there. And I don't know,
added he, but the ensuing winter I may give you a little taste of the
diversions of the town for a month or so. I said, His will and pleasure
should determine mine; and I never would, as near as I could, have a
desire after those, or any other entertainments that were not in his own
choice.
He was pleased to say, I make no doubt but that I shall be very happy in
you; and hope you will be so in me: For, said he, I have no very enormous
vices to gratify; though I pretend not to the greatest purity, neither,
my girl. Sir, said I, if you can account to your own mind, I shall
always be easy in whatever you do. But our greatest happiness here, sir,
continued I, is of very short duration; and this life, at the longest, is
a poor transitory one; and I hope we shall be so happy as to be enabled
to look forward, with comfort, to another, where our pleasures will be
everlasting.
You say well, Pamela; and I shall, by degrees, be more habituated to this
way of thinking, as I more and more converse with you; but, at present,
you must not be over serious with me all at once: though I charge you
never forbear to mingle your sweet divinity in our conversation, whenever
it can be brought in a propos, and with such a cheerfulness of temper, as
shall not throw a gloomy cloud over our innocent enjoyments.
I was abashed at this, and silent, fearing I had offended: But he said,
If you attend rightly to what I said, I need not tell you again, Pamela,
not to be discouraged from suggesting to me, on every proper occasion,
the pious impulses of your own amiable mind. Sir, said I, you will be
always indulgent, I make no doubt, to my imperfections, so long as I mean
well.
My master made me dine with him, and would eat nothing but what I helped
him to; and my heart is, every hour, more and more enlarged with his
goodness and condescension. But still, what ails me, I wonder! A
strange sort of weight hangs upon my mind, as Thursday draws on, which
makes me often sigh involuntarily, and damps, at times, the pleasures of
my delightful prospects!--I hope this is not ominous; but only the
foolish weakness of an over-thoughtful mind, on an occasion the most
solemn and important of one's life, next to the last scene, which shuts
up all.
I could be very serious: But I will commit all my ways to that blessed
Providence, which hitherto has so wonderfully conducted me through real
evils to this hopeful situation.
I only fear, and surely I have great reason, that I shall be too unworthy
to hold the affections of so dear a gentleman!--God teach me humility,
and to know my own demerit! And this will be, next to his grace, my
surest guard, in the state of life to which, though most unworthy, I am
going to be exalted. And don't cease your prayers for me, my dear
parents; for, perhaps, this new condition may be subject to still worse
hazards than those I have escaped; as would be the case, were
conceitedness, vanity, and pride, to take hold of my frail heart; and if
I was, for my sins, to be left to my own conduct, a frail bark in a
tempestuous ocean, without ballast, or other pilot than my own
inconsiderate will. But my master said, on another occasion, That those
who doubted most, always erred least; and I hope I shall always doubt my
own strength, my own worthiness.
I will not trouble you with twenty sweet agreeable things that passed in
conversation with my excellent benefactor; nor with the civilities of M.
Colbrand, Mrs. Jewkes, and all the servants, who seem to be highly
pleased with me, and with my conduct to them: And as my master, hitherto,
finds no fault that I go too low, nor they that I carry it too high, I
hope I shall continue to have every body's good-will: But yet will I not
seek to gain any one's by little meannesses or debasements! but aim at an
uniform and regular conduct, willing to conceal involuntary errors, as I
would have my own forgiven; and not too industrious to discover real
ones, or to hide such, if any such should appear, as might encourage bad
hearts, or unclean hands, in material cases, where my master should
receive damage, or where the morals of the transgressors should appear
wilfully and habitually corrupt. In short, I will endeavour, as much as
I can, that good servants shall find in me a kind encourager; indifferent
ones be made better, by inspiring them with a laudable emulation; and bad
ones, if not too bad in nature, and quite irreclaimable, reformed by
kindness, expostulation, and even proper menaces, if necessary; but most
by a good example: All this if God pleases.
Wednesday.
Now, my dear parents, I have but this one day between me and the most
solemn rite that can be performed. My heart cannot yet shake off this
heavy weight. Sure I am ungrateful to the divine goodness, and the
favour of the best of benefactors!--Yet I hope I am not!--For, at times,
my mind is all exultation, with the prospect of what good to-morrow's
happy solemnity may possibly, by the leave of my generous master, put it
in my power to do. O how shall I find words to express, as I ought, my
thankfulness, for all the mercies before me!
Wednesday evening.
My dear master is all love and tenderness. He sees my weakness, and
generously pities and comforts me! I begged to be excused supper; but he
brought me down himself from my closet, and placed me by him, bidding
Abraham not wait. I could not eat, and yet I tried, for fear he should
be angry. He kindly forbore to hint any thing of the dreadful, yet
delightful to-morrow! and put, now and then, a little bit on my plate,
and guided it to my mouth. I was concerned to receive his goodness with
so ill a grace. Well, said he, if you won't eat with me, drink at least
with me: I drank two glasses by his over-persuasions, and said, I am
really ashamed of myself. Why, indeed, said he, my dear girl, I am not a
very dreadful enemy, I hope! I cannot bear any thing that is the least
concerning to you. Oh, sir! said I, all is owing to the sense I have of
my own unworthiness!--To be sure, it cannot be any thing else.
He rung for the things to be taken away; and then reached a chair, and
sat down by me, and put his kind arms about me, and said the most
generous and affecting things that ever dropt from the honey-flowing
mouth of love. All I have not time to repeat: some I will. And oh!
indulge your foolish daughter, who troubles you with her weak nonsense;
because what she has to say, is so affecting to her; and because, if she
went to bed, instead of scribbling, she could not sleep.
This sweet confusion and thoughtfulness in my beloved Pamela, said the
kind man, on the near approach of our happy union, when I hope all doubts
are cleared up, and nothing of dishonour is apprehended, shew me most
abundantly, what a wretch I was to attempt such purity with a worse
intention--No wonder, that one so virtuous should find herself deserted
of life itself on a violence so dreadful to her honour, and seek a refuge
in the shadow of death.--But now, my dearest Pamela, that you have seen a
purity on my side, as nearly imitating your own, as our sex can shew to
yours; and since I have, all the day long, suppressed even the least
intimation of the coming days, that I might not alarm your tender mind;
why all this concern, why all this affecting, yet sweet confusion? You
have a generous friend, my dear girl, in me; a protector now, not a
violator of your innocence: Why then, once more I ask, this strange
perplexity, this sweet confusion?
O sir, said I, and hid my face on his arm; expect not reason from a
foolish creature: You should have still indulged me in my closet: I am
ready to beat myself for this ungrateful return to your goodness. But I
know not what!--I am, to be sure, a silly creature! O had you but
suffered me to stay by myself above, I should have made myself ashamed of
so culpable a behaviour!--But goodness added to goodness every moment,
and the sense of my own unworthiness, quite overcome my spirits.
Now, said the generous man, will I, though reluctantly, make a proposal
to my sweet girl.--If I have been too pressing for the day: If another
day will still be more obliging: If you have fears you will not then
have; you shall say but the word, and I'll submit. Yes, my Pamela; for
though I have, these three days past, thought every tedious hour a day,
till Thursday comes, if you earnestly desire it, I will postpone it.
Say, my dear girl, freely say; but accept not my proposal, without great
reason, which yet I will not ask for.
Sir, said I, I can expect nothing but superlative goodness, I have been
so long used to it from you. This is a most generous instance of it; but
I fear--yes, I fear it will be too much the same thing, some days hence,
when the happy, yet, fool that I am! dreaded time, shall be equally near!
Kind, lovely charmer! said he, now do I see you are to be trusted with
power, from the generous use you make of it!--Not one offensive word or
look, from me, shall wound your nicest thoughts; but pray try to subdue
this over-scrupulousness, and unseasonable timidity. I persuade myself
you will if you can.
Indeed, sir, I will, said I; for I am quite ashamed of myself, with all
these lovely views before me!--The honours you do me, the kindness you
shew me!--I cannot forgive myself! For, oh! if I know the least of this
idle foolish heart of mine, it has not a misgiving thought of your
goodness; and I should abhor it, if it were capable of the least
affectation.--But, dear good sir, leave me a little to myself, and I will
take myself to a severer task than your goodness will let you do and I
will present my heart before you, a worthier offering to you, than at
present its wayward follies will let it seem to be.--But one thing is,
one has no kind friend of one's own sex, to communicate one's foolish
thoughts to, and to be strengthened by their comfortings! But I am left
to myself; and, oh! what a weak silly thing I am!
He kindly withdrew, to give me time to recollect myself; and in about
half an hour returned: and then, that he might not begin at once upon the
subject, and say, at the same time, something agreeable to me, said, Your
father and mother have had a great deal of talk by this time about you,
Pamela. O, sir, returned I, your goodness has made them quite happy!
But I can't help being concerned about Lady Davers.
He said, I am vexed I did not hear the footman out; because it runs in my
head he talked somewhat about her coming hither. She will meet with but
an indifferent reception from me, unless she comes resolved to behave
better than she writes.
Pray, sir, said I, be pleased to bear with my good lady, for two reasons.
What are they? said he. Why, first, sir, answered I, because she is your
sister; and, to be sure, may very well think, what all the world will,
that you have much undervalued yourself in making me happy. And next,
because, if her ladyship finds you out of temper with her, it will still
aggravate her more against me; and every time that any warm words you may
have between you, come into her mind, she will disdain me more.
Don't concern yourself about it, said he; for we have more proud ladies
than she in our other neighbourhood, who, perhaps, have still less reason
to be punctilious about their descent, and yet will form themselves upon
her example, and say, Why, his own sister will not forgive him, nor visit
him! And so, if I can subdue her spirit, which is more than her husband
ever could, or indeed any body else, it is a great point gained: And, if
she gives me reason, I'll try for it, I assure you.
Well, but, my dear girl, continued he, since the subject is so important,
may I not say one word about to-morrow?--Sir, said I, I hope I shall be
less a fool: I have talked as harshly to my heart, as Lady Davers can do;
and the naughty thing suggests to me a better, and more grateful
behaviour.
He smiled, and, kissing me, said, I took notice, Pamela, of what you
observed, that you have none of your own sex with you; I think it is a
little hard upon you; and I should have liked you should have had Miss
Darnford; but then her sister must have been asked; and I might as well
make a public wedding: which, you know, would have required clothes and
other preparations. Besides, added he, a foolish proposal was once made
me of that second sister, who has two or three thousand pounds more than
the other, left her by a godmother, and she can't help being a little
piqued; though, said he, it was a proposal they could not expect should
succeed; for there is nothing in her person nor mind; and her fortune, as
that must have been the only inducement, would not do by any means; and
so I discouraged it at once.
I am thinking, sir, said I, of another mortifying thing too; that were
you to marry a lady of birth and fortune answerable to your own, all the
eve to the day would be taken up in reading, signing, and sealing of
settlements, and portion, and such like: But now the poor Pamela brings
you nothing at all: And the very clothes she wears, so very low is she,
are entirely the effects of your bounty, and that of your good mother:
This makes me a little sad: For, alas! sir, I am so much oppressed by
your favours, and the sense of the obligations I lie under, that I cannot
look up with the confidence that I otherwise should, on this awful
occasion.
There is, my dear Pamela, said he, where the power is wanting, as much
generosity in the will as in the action. To all that know your story,
and your merit, it will appear that I cannot recompense you for what I
have made you suffer. You have had too many hard struggles and
exercises; and have nobly overcome: and who shall grudge you the reward
of the hard-bought victory?--This affair is so much the act of my own
will, that I glory in being capable of distinguishing so much excellence;
and my fortune is the more pleasurable to me, as it gives me hope, that I
may make you some part of satisfaction for what you have undergone.
This, sir, said I, is all goodness, unmerited on my side; and makes my
obligations the greater. I can only wish for more worthiness.--But how
poor is it to offer nothing but words for such generous deeds!--And to
say, I wish!--For what is a wish, but the acknowledged want of power to
oblige, and a demonstration of one's poverty in every thing but will?
And that, my dear girl, said he, is every thing: 'Tis all I want: 'Tis
all that Heaven itself requires of us: But no more of these little
doubts, though they are the natural impulses of a generous and grateful
heart: I want not to be employed in settlements. Those are for such to
regard, who make convenience and fortune the prime considerations. I
have possessions ample enough for us both; and you deserve to share them
with me; and you shall do it, with as little reserve, as if you had
brought me what the world reckons an equivalent: for, as to my own
opinion, you bring me what is infinitely more valuable, an experienced
truth, a well-tried virtue, and a wit and behaviour more than equal to
the station you will be placed in: To say nothing of this sweet person,
that itself might captivate a monarch; and of the meekness of temper, and
sweetness of disposition, which make you superior to all the women I ever
saw.
Thus kind and soothing, and honourably affectionate, was the dear
gentleman, to the unworthy, doubting, yet assured Pamela; and thus
patiently did he indulge, and generously pardon, my impertinent weakness.
He offered to go himself to Lady Jones, in the morning, and reveal the
matter to her, and desire her secrecy and presence; but I said, That
would disoblige the young Ladies Darnford. No, sir, said I, I will cast
myself upon your generous kindness; for why should I fear the kind
protector of my weakness, and the guide and director of my future steps?
You cannot, said he, forgive Mrs. Jewkes; for she must know it; and
suffer her to be with you? Yes, sir, said I, I can. She is very civil
to me now: and her former wickedness I will forgive, for the sake of the
happy fruits that have attended it; and because you mention her.
Well, said he, I will call her in, if you please.--As you please, sir,
said I. And he rung for her; and when she came in, he said, Mrs. Jewkes,
I am going to entrust you with a secret. Sir, answered she, I will be
sure to keep it as such. Why, said he, we intend to-morrow, privately as
possible, for our wedding-day; and Mr. Peters and Mr. Williams are to be
here, as to breakfast with me, and to shew Mr. Peters my little chapel.
As soon as the ceremony is over, we will take a little airing in the
chariot, as we have done at other times; and so it will not be wondered
that we are dressed. And the two parsons have promised secrecy, and will
go home. I believe you can't well avoid letting one of the maids into
the secret; but that I'll leave to you.
Sir, replied she, we all concluded it would be in a few days! and I doubt
it won't be long a secret. No, said he, I don't desire it should; but
you know we are not provided for a public wedding, and I shall declare it
when we go to Bedfordshire, which won't be long. But the men, who lie in
the outhouses, need not know it; for, by some means or other, my sister
Davers knows all that passes.
Do you know, sir, said she, that her ladyship intends to be down here
with you in a few days? Her servant told me so, who brought you the
letter you were angry at.
I hope, said he, we shall be set out for t'other house first; and shall
be pleased she loses her labour. Sir, continued she, her ladyship,
proposes to be here time enough to hinder your nuptials, which she takes,
as we did, will be the latter end of next week. Well, said he, let her
come: but yet I desire not to see her.
Mrs. Jewkes said to me, Give me leave, madam, to wish you all manner of
happiness: But I am afraid I have too well obeyed his honour, to be
forgiven by you. Indeed, Mrs. Jewkes, returned I, you will be more your
own enemy than I will be. I will look all forward: and shall not
presume, so much as by a whisper, to set my good master against any one
he pleases to approve of: And as to his old servants, I shall always
value them, and never offer to dictate to his choice, or influence it by
my own caprices.
Mrs. Jewkes, said my master, you find you have no cause to apprehend any
thing. My Pamela is very placable; and as we have both been sinners
together, we must both be included in one act of grace.
Such an example of condescension, as I have before me, Mrs. Jewkes, said
I, may make you very easy; for I must be highly unworthy, if I did not
forego all my little resentments, if I had any, for the sake of so much
goodness to myself.
You are very kind, madam, said she; and you may depend upon it, I will
atone for all my faults, by my future duty and respect to you, as well as
to my master.
That's well said on both sides, said he: but, Mrs. Jewkes, to assure you,
that my good girl here has no malice, she chooses you to attend her in
the morning at the ceremony, and you must keep up her spirits.--I shall,
replied she, be very proud of the honour: But I cannot, madam, but wonder
to see you so very low-spirited, as you have been these two or three days
past, with so much happiness before you.
Why, Mrs. Jewkes, answered I, there can be but one reason given; and that
is, that I am a sad fool!--But, indeed, I am not ungrateful neither; nor
would I put on a foolish affectation: But my heart, at times, sinks
within me; I know not why, except at my own unworthiness, and because the
honour done me is too high for me to support myself under, as I should
do. It is an honour, Mrs. Jewkes, added I, I was not born to; and no
wonder, then, I behave so awkwardly. She made me a fine compliment upon
it, and withdrew, repeating her promises of care, secrecy, etc.
He parted from me with very great tenderness; and I came up and set to
writing, to amuse my thoughts, and wrote thus far. And Mrs. Jewkes being
come up, and it being past twelve, I will go to bed; but not one wink, I
fear, shall I get this night.--I could beat myself for anger. Sure there
is nothing ominous in this strange folly!--But I suppose all young
maidens are the same, so near so great a change of condition, though they
carry it off more discreetly than I.
Thursday, six o'clock in the morning.
I might as well have not gone to bed last night, for what sleep I had.
Mrs. Jewkes often was talking to me, and said several things that would
have been well enough from any body else of our sex; but the poor woman
has so little purity of heart, that it is all say from her, and goes no
farther than the ear.
I fancy my master has not slept much neither; for I heard him up, and
walking about his chamber, ever since break of day. To be sure, good
gentleman! he must have some concern, as well as I; for here he is going
to marry a poor foolish unworthy girl, brought up on the charity, as one
may say, (at least bounty,) of his worthy family! And this foolish girl
must be, to all intents and purposes, after twelve o'clock this day, as
much his wife, as if he were to marry a duchess!--And here he must stand
the shocks of common reflection! The great Mr. B---- has done finely! he
has married his poor servant wench! will some say. The ridicule and rude
jests of his equals, and companions too, he must stand: And the disdain
of his relations, and indignation of Lady Davers, his lofty sister! Dear
good gentleman! he will have enough to do, to be sure! O how shall I
merit all these things at his hand! I can only do the best I can; and
pray to God to reward him; and resolve to love him with a pure heart, and
serve him with a sincere obedience. I hope the dear gentleman will
continue to love me for this; for, alas! I have nothing else to offer!
But, as I can hardly expect so great a blessing, if I can be secure from
his contempt, I shall not be unfortunate; and must bear his indifference,
if his rich friends should inspire him with it, and proceed with doing my
duty with cheerfulness.
Half an hour past eight o'clock.
My good dear master, my kind friend, my generous benefactor, my worthy
protector, and, oh! all the good words in one, my affectionate husband,
that is soon to be--(be curbed in, my proud heart, know thy self, and be
conscious of thy unworthiness!)--has just left me, with the kindest,
tenderest expressions, and gentlest behaviour, that ever blest a happy
maiden. He approached me with a sort of reined-in rapture. My Pamela!
said he, May I just ask after your employment? Don't let me chide my
dear girl this day, however. The two parsons will be here to breakfast
with us at nine; and yet you are not a bit dressed! Why this absence of
mind, and sweet irresolution?
Why, indeed, sir, said I, I will set about a reformation this instant.
He saw the common-prayer book lying in the window. I hope, said he, my
lovely maiden has been conning the lesson she is by-and-by to repeat.
Have you not, Pamela? and clasped his arms about me, and kissed me.
Indeed, sir, said I, I have been reading over the solemn service.--And
what thinks my fairest (for so he called me) of it?--O sir, 'tis very
awful, and makes one shudder, to reflect upon it!--No wonder, said he, it
should affect my sweet Pamela: I have been looking into it this morning,
and I can't say but I think it a solemn, but very suitable service. But
this I tell my dear love, continued he, and again clasped me to him,
there is not a tittle in it that I cannot joyfully subscribe to: And
that, my dear Pamela, should make you easy, and join cheerfully in it
with me. I kissed his dear hand: O my generous, kind protector, said I,
how gracious is it to confirm thus the doubting mind of your poor
servant! which apprehends nothing so much as her own unworthiness of the
honour and blessing that await her!--He was pleased to say, I know well,
my dearest creature, that, according to the liberties we people of
fortune generally give ourselves, I have promised a great deal, when I
say so. But I would not have said it, if, deliberately, I could not with
all my heart. So banish from your mind all doubt and uneasiness; let a
generous confidence in me take place; and let me see it does, by your
cheerfulness in this day's solemn business; and then I will love you for
ever!
May God Almighty, sir, said I, reward all your goodness to me!--That is
all I can say. But, oh! how kind it is in you, to supply the want of the
presence and comfortings of a dear mother, of a loving sister, or of the
kind companions of my own sex, which most maidens have, to soothe their
anxieties on the so near approach of so awful a solemnity!--You, sir, are
all these tender relations in one to me! Your condescensions and
kindness shall, if possible, embolden me to look up to you without that
sweet terror, that must confound poor bashful maidens, on such an
occasion, when they are surrendered up to a more doubtful happiness, and
to half-strange men, whose good faith, and good usage of them, must be
less experienced, and is all involved in the dark bosom of futurity, and
only to be proved by the event.
This, my dear Pamela, said he, is most kindly said! It shews me that you
enter gratefully into my intention. For I would, by my conduct, supply
all these dear relations to you; and I voluntarily promise, from my
heart, to you, what I think I could not, with such assured resolutions of
performance, to the highest-born lady in the kingdom. For let me tell my
sweet girl, that, after having been long tossed by the boisterous winds
of a more culpable passion, I have now conquered it, and am not so much
the victim of your beauty, all charming as you are, as of your virtue;
and therefore may more boldly promise for myself, having so stable a
foundation for my affection; which, should this outward beauty fail, will
increase with your virtue, and shine forth the brighter, as that is more
illustriously displayed by the augmented opportunities which the
condition you are now entering into will afford you.--O the dear charming
man! how nobly, how encouragingly kind, was all this!
I could not suitably express myself: And he said, I see my girl is at a
loss for words! I doubt not your kind acceptance of my declarations.
And when I have acted too much the part of a libertine formerly, for you
to look back without some anxiety, I ought not, being now happily
convicted, to say less.--But why loses my girl her time? I will now only
add, that I hope for many happy years to make good, by my conduct, what
so willingly flows from my lips.
He kissed me again, and said, But, whatever you do, Pamela, be cheerful;
for else, may be, of the small company we shall have, some one, not
knowing how to account for your too nice modesty, will think there is
some other person in the world, whose addresses would be still more
agreeable to you.
This he said with an air of sweetness and pleasantry; but it alarmed me
exceedingly, and made me resolve to appear as calm and cheerful as
possible. For this was, indeed, a most affecting expression, and enough
to make me, if any thing can, behave as I ought, and to force my idle
fears to give way to hopes so much better grounded.--And I began almost,
on this occasion, to wish Mr. Williams were not to marry me, lest I
should behave like a fool; and so be liable to an imputation, which I
should be most unworthy, if I deserved.
So I set about dressing me instantly; and he sent Mrs. Jewkes to assist
me. But I am never long a dressing, when I set about it; and my master
has now given me a hint, that will, for half an hour more, at least, keep
my spirits in a brisk circulation. Yet it concerns me a little too, lest
he should have any the least shadow of a doubt, that I am not, mind and
person, entirely his.
And so being now ready, and not called to breakfast, I sat down and wrote
thus far.
I might have mentioned, that I dressed myself in a rich white satin
night-gown, that had been my good lady's, and my best head-clothes, etc.
I have got such a knack of writing, that when I am by myself, I cannot
sit without a pen in my hand.--But I am now called to breakfast. I
suppose the gentlemen are come.--Now, courage, Pamela! Remember thou art
upon thy good behaviour!--Fie upon it! my heart begins to flutter again!
--Foolish heart! be still! Never, sure, was any maiden's perverse heart
under so little command as mine!--It gave itself away, at first, without
my leave; it has been, for weeks, pressing me with its wishes; and yet
now, when it should be happy itself, and make me so, it is throb, throb,
throb, like a little fool! and filling me with such unseasonable
misgivings, as abate the rising comforts of all my better prospects.
Thursday, near three o'clock.
I thought I should have found no time nor heart to write again this day.
But here are three gentlemen come, unexpectedly, to dine with my master;
and so I shall not appear. He has done all he could, civilly, to send
them away; but they will stay, though I believe he had rather they would
not. And so I have nothing to do but to write till I go to dinner myself
with Mrs. Jewkes: for my master was not prepared for this company; and it
will be a little latish to-day. So I will begin with my happy story
where I left off.
When I came down to breakfast, Mr. Peters and Mr. Williams were both
there. And as soon as my master heard me coming down, he met me at the
door, and led me in with great tenderness. He had kindly spoken to them,
as he told me afterwards, to mention no more of the matter to me, than
needs must. I paid my respects to them, I believe a little awkwardly,
and was almost out of breath: but said, I had come down a little too
fast.
When Abraham came in to wait, my master said, (that the servants should
not mistrust,) 'Tis well, gentlemen, you came as you did; for my good
girl and I were going to take an airing till dinner-time. I hope you'll
stay and dine with me. Sir, said Mr. Peters, we won't hinder your
airing. I only came, having a little time upon my hands, to see your
chapel; but must be at home at dinner; and Mr. Williams will dine with
me. Well then, said my master, we will pursue our intention, and ride
out for an hour or two, as soon as I have shewn Mr. Peters my little
chapel. Will you, Pamela, after breakfast, walk with us to it? If, if,
said I, and had like to have stammered, foolish that I was! if you
please, sir. I could look none of them in the face. Abraham looking at
me; Why, child, said my master, you have hardly recovered your fright
yet: how came your foot to slip? 'Tis well you did not hurt yourself.
Said Mr. Peters, improving the hint, You ha'n't sprained your ancle,
madam, I hope. No, sir, said I, I believe not; but 'tis a little painful
to me. And so it was; for I meant my foolishness! Abraham, said my
master, bid Robin put the horses to the coach, instead of the chariot;
and if these gentlemen will go, we can set them down. No matter, sir,
said Mr. Peters: I had as lieve walk, if Mr. Williams chooses it. Well
then, said my master, let it be the chariot, as I told him.
I could eat nothing, though I attempted it; and my hand shook so, I
spilled some of my chocolate, and so put it down again; and they were all
very good, and looked another way. My master said, when Abraham was out,
I have a quite plain ring here, Mr. Peters: And I hope the ceremony will
dignify the ring; and that I shall give my girl reason to think it, for
that cause, the most valuable one that can be presented her. Mr. Peters
said, He was sure I should value it more than the richest diamond in the
world.
I had bid Mrs. Jewkes not to dress herself, lest she should give cause of
mistrust; and she took my advice.
When breakfast was over, my master said, before Abraham, Well, gentlemen,
we will step into the chapel; and you must give me your advice, as to the
alterations I design. I am in the more haste, because the survey you are
going to take of it, for the alterations, will take up a little time; and
we shall have but a small space between that and dinner, for the little
tour I design to make.--Pamela, you'll give us your opinion, won't you?
Yes, sir, said I; I'll come after you.
So they went out, and I sat down in the chair again, and fanned myself: I
am sick at heart, said I, I think, Mrs. Jewkes. Said she, Shall I fetch
you a little cordial?--No, said I, I am a sad fool! I want spirits,
that's all. She took her smelling-bottle, and would have given it me:
but I said, Keep it in your hand; may be I shall want it: but I hope not.
She gave me very good words, and begged me to go: And I got up; but my
knees beat so against one another, I was forced to sit down again. But,
at last, I held by her arm, and passing by Abraham, I said, This ugly
slip, coming down stairs, has made me limp, though; so I must hold by
you, Mrs. Jewkes. Do you know what alterations there are to be in the
chapel, that we must all give our opinions of them?
Nan, she told me, was let into the secret; and she had ordered her to
stay at the chapel door, to see that nobody came in. My dear master came
to me, at entering the chapel, and took my hand, and led me up to the
altar. Remember, my dear girl, whispered he, and be cheerful. I am, I
will, sir, said I; but I hardly knew what I said; and so you may believe,
when I said to Mrs. Jewkes, Don't leave me; pray, Mrs. Jewkes, don't
leave me; as if I had all confidence in her, and none where it was most
due. So she kept close to me. God forgive me! but I never was so absent
in my life, as at first; even till Mr. Williams had gone on in the
service, so far as to the awful words about requiring us, as we should
answer at the dreadful day of judgment; and then the solemn words, and my
master's whispering, Mind this, my dear, made me start. Said he, still
whispering, Know you any impediment? I blushed, and said softly, None,
sir, but my great unworthiness.
Then followed the sweet words, Wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded
wife? etc. and I began to take heart a little, when my dearest master
answered, audibly, to this question, I will. But I could only make a
courtesy, when they asked me; though, I am sure, my heart was readier
than my speech, and answered to every article of obey, serve, love, and
honour.
Mr. Peters gave me away; and I said, after Mr. Williams, as well as I
could, as my dear master did with a much better grace, the words of
betrothment; and the ceremony of the ring passing next, I received the
dear favour at his worthy hands with a most grateful heart; and he was
pleased to say afterwards in the chariot, that when he had done saying,
With this ring I thee wed, etc. I made a courtesy, and said, Thank you,
sir. May be I did; for I am sure it was a most grateful part of the
service, and my heart was overwhelmed with his goodness, and the tender
grace wherewith he performed it. I was very glad, that the next part was
the prayer, and kneeling; for I trembled so, I could hardly stand,
betwixt fear and joy.
The joining of our hands afterwards, the declaration of our being married
to the few witnesses present; for, reckoning Nan, whose curiosity would
not let her stay at the door, there were but Mr. Peters, Mrs. Jewkes, and
she; the blessing, the psalm, and the subsequent prayers, and the
concluding exhortation; were so many beautiful, welcome, and lovely parts
of this divine office, that my heart began to be delighted with them; and
my spirits to be a little freer.
And thus, my dearest, dear parents, is your happy, happy, thrice happy
Pamela, at last married; and to whom?--Why, to her beloved, gracious
master! the lord of her wishes! And thus the dear, once naughty assailer
of her innocence, by a blessed turn of Providence, is become the kind,
the generous protector and rewarder of it. God be evermore blessed and
praised! and make me not wholly unworthy of such a transcendent honour!--
And bless and reward the dear, dear, good gentleman, who has thus exalted
his unworthy servant, and given her a place, which the greatest ladies
would think themselves happy in!
My master saluted me most ardently, and said, God give you, my dear love,
as much joy on this occasion, as I have! And he presented me to Mr.
Peters, who saluted me; and said, You may excuse me, dear madam, for I
gave you away, and you are my daughter. And Mr. Williams modestly
withdrawing a little way; Mr. Williams, said my master, pray accept my
thanks, and wish your sister joy. So he saluted me too; and said, Most
heartily, madam, I do. And I will say, that to see so much innocence and
virtue so eminently rewarded, is one of the greatest pleasures I have
ever known. This my master took very kindly.
Mrs. Jewkes would have kissed my hand at the chapel-door; but I put my
arms about her neck, for I had got a new recruit of spirits just then;
and kissed her, and said, Thank you, Mrs. Jewkes, for accompanying me. I
have behaved sadly. No, madam, said she, pretty well, pretty well!
Mr. Peters walked out with me; and Mr. Williams and my master came out
after us, talking together.
Mr. Peters, when we came into the parlour, said, I once more, madam, must
wish you joy on this happy occasion. I wish every day may add to your
comforts; and may you very long rejoice in one another! for you are the
loveliest couple I ever saw joined. I told him, I was highly obliged to
his kind opinion, and good wishes; and hoped my future conduct would not
make me unworthy of them.
My good benefactor came in with Mr. Williams: So, my dear life, said he,
how do you do? A little more composed, I hope. Well, you see this is
not so dreadful an affair as you apprehended.
Sir, said Mr. Peters, very kindly, it is a very solemn circumstance; and
I love to see it so reverently and awfully entered upon. It is a most
excellent sign; for the most thoughtful beginnings make the most prudent
proceedings.
Mrs. Jewkes, of her own accord, came in with a large silver tumbler,
filled with sack, and a toast, and nutmeg, and sugar; and my master said,
That's well thought of, Mrs. Jewkes; for we have made but sorry
breakfasting. And he would make me, take some of the toast; as they all
did, and drank pretty heartily: and I drank a little, and it cheered my
heart, I thought, for an hour after.
My master took a fine diamond ring from his finger, and presented it to
Mr. Peters, who received it very kindly. And to Mr. Williams he said, My
old acquaintance, I have reserved for you, against a variety of
solicitations, the living I always designed for you; and I beg you'll
prepare to take possession of it; and as the doing it may be attended
with some expense, pray accept of this towards it; and so he gave him (as
he told me afterwards it was) a bank note of 50l.
So did this generous good gentleman bless us all, and me in particular;
for whose sake he was as bounteous as if he had married one of the
noblest fortunes.
So he took his leave of the gentlemen, recommending secrecy again, for a
few days, and they left him; and none of the servants suspected any
thing, as Mrs. Jewkes believes. And then I threw myself at his feet,
blessed God, and blessed him for his goodness; and he overwhelmed me with
kindness, calling me his sweet bride, and twenty lovely epithets, that
swell my grateful heart beyond the power of utterance.
He afterwards led me to the chariot; and we took a delightful tour round
the neighbouring villages; and he did all he could to dissipate those
still perverse anxieties that dwell upon my mind, and, do what I can,
spread too thoughtful an air, as he tells me, over my countenance.
We came home again by half an hour after one; and he was pleasing himself
with thinking, not to be an hour out of my company this blessed day, that
(as he was so good as to say) he might inspire me with a familiarity that
should improve my confidence in him, when he was told, that a footman of
Sir Charles Hargrave had been here, to let him know, that his master, and
two other gentlemen, were on the road to take a dinner with him, in their
way to Nottingham.
He was heartily vexed at this, and said to me, He should have been glad
of their companies at any other time; but that it was a barbarous
intrusion now; and he wished they had been told he would not be at home
at dinner: And besides, said he, they are horrid drinkers; and I shan't
be able to get them away to-night, perhaps; for they have nothing to do,
but to travel round the country, and beat up their friends' quarters all
the way; and it is all one to them, whether they stay a night or a month
at a place. But, added he, I'll find some way, if I can, to turn them
off, after dinner.--Confound them, said he, in a violent pet, that they
should come this day, of all the days in the year!
We had hardly alighted, and got in, before they came: Three mad rakes
they seemed to be, as I looked through the window, setting up a hunting
note, as soon as they came to the gate, that made the court-yard echo
again; and smacking their whips in concert.
So I went up to my chamber, and saw (what made my heart throb) Mrs.
Jewkes's officious pains to put the room in order for a guest, that,
however welcome, as now my duty teaches me to say, is yet dreadful to me
to think of. So I took refuge in my closet, and had recourse to pen and
ink, for my amusement, and to divert my anxiety of mind.--If one's heart
is so sad, and one's apprehension so great, where one so extremely loves,
and is so extremely obliged; what must be the case of those poor maidens,
who are forced, for sordid views, by their tyrannical parents or
guardians, to marry the man they almost hate, and, perhaps, to the loss
of the man they most love! O that is a sad thing, indeed!--And what have
not such cruel parents to answer for! And what do not such poor innocent
victims suffer!--But, blessed be God, this lot is far from being mine!
My good master (for I cannot yet have the presumption to call him by a
more tender name) came up to me, and said, Well, I just come to ask my
dear bride (O the charming, charming word!) how she does? I see you are
writing, my dear, said he. These confounded rakes are half mad, I think,
and will make me so! However, said he, I have ordered my chariot to be
got ready, as if I was under an engagement five miles off, and will set
them out of the house, if possible; and then ride round, and come back,
as soon as I can get rid of them. I find, said he, Lady Davers is full
of our affairs. She has taken great freedoms with me before Sir Charles;
and they have all been at me, without mercy; and I was forced to be very
serious with them, or else they would have come up to have seen you,
since I would not call you down.--He kissed me, and said, I shall quarrel
with them, if I can't get them away; for I have lost two or three
precious hours with my soul's delight: And so he went down.
Mrs. Jewkes asked me to walk down to dinner in the little parlour. I
went down, and she was so complaisant as to offer to wait upon me at
table; and would not be persuaded, without difficulty, to sit down with
me. But I insisted she should: For, said I, it would be very
extraordinary, if one should so soon go into such distance, Mrs. Jewkes.
--Whatever my new station may require of me, added I, I hope I shall
always conduct myself in such a manner, that pride and insolence shall
bear no part in my character.
You are very good, madam, said she; but I will always know my duty to my
master's lady.--Why then, replied I, if I must take state upon me so
early, Mrs. Jewkes, let me exact from you what you call your duty; and
sit down with me when I desire you.
This prevailed upon her; and I made shift to get down a bit of apple-pye,
and a little custard; but that was all.
My good master came in again, and said, Well, thank my stars! these rakes
are going now; but I must set out with them, and I choose my chariot; for
if I took horse, I should have difficulty to part with them; for they are
like a snowball, and intend to gather company as they go, to make a merry
tour of it for some days together.
We both got up, when he came in: Fie, Pamela! said he; why this ceremony
now?--Sit still, Mrs. Jewkes.--Nay, sir, said she, I was loath to sit
down; but my lady would have me.--She is very right, Mrs. Jewkes, said my
master, and tapped me on the cheek; for we are but yet half married; and
so she is not above half your lady yet!--Don't look so down, don't be so
silent, my dearest, said he; why, you hardly spoke twenty words to me all
the time we were out together. Something I will allow for your bashful
sweetness; but not too much.--Mrs. Jewkes, have you no pleasant tales to
tell my Pamela, to make her smile, till I return?--Yes, sir, said she, I
could tell twenty pleasant stories; but my lady is too nice to hear them;
and yet, I hope, I should not be shocking neither. Ah! poor woman!
thought I; thy chastest stories will make a modest person blush, if I
know thee! and I desire to hear none of them.
My master said, Tell her one of the shortest you have, in my hearing.
Why, sir, said she, I knew a bashful young lady, as madam may be, married
to--Dear Mrs. Jewkes, interrupted I, no more of your story, I beseech
you; I don't like the beginning of it. Go on, Mrs. Jewkes, said my
master. No, pray, sir, don't require it, said I, pray don't. Well, said
he, then we'll have it another time, Mrs. Jewkes.
Abraham coming in to tell him the gentlemen were going, and that his
chariot was ready; I am glad of that, said he; and went to them, and set
out with them.
I took a turn in the garden with Mrs. Jewkes, after they were gone: And
having walked a while, I said, I should be glad of her company down the
elm-walk, to meet the chariot: For, O! I know not how to look up at him,
when he is with me; nor how to bear his absence, when I have reason to
expect him: What a strange contradiction there is in this unaccountable
passion.
What a different aspect every thing in and about this house bears now, to
my thinking, to what it once had! The garden, the pond, the alcove, the
elm-walk. But, oh! my prison is become my palace; and no wonder every
thing wears another face!
We sat down upon the broad stile, leading towards the road; and Mrs.
Jewkes was quite another person to me, to what she was the last time I
sat there.
At last my best beloved returned, and alighted there. What, my Pamela!
(and Mrs. Jewkes then left me,) What (said he, and kissed me) brings you
this way? I hope to meet me.--Yes, sir, said I. That's kind, indeed,
said he; but why that averted eye?--that downcast countenance, as if you
was afraid of me? You must not think so, sir, said I. Revive my heart
then, said he, with a more cheerful aspect; and let that over-anxious
solicitude, which appears in the most charming face in the world, be
chased from it.--Have you, my dear girl any fears that I can dissipate;
any doubts that I can obviate; any hopes that I can encourage; any
request that I can gratify?--Speak, my dear Pamela; and if I have power,
but speak, and to purchase one smile, it shall be done!
I cannot, sir, said I, have any fears, any doubts, but that I shall never
be able to deserve all your goodness. I have no hopes, but that my
future conduct may be agreeable to you, and my determined duty well
accepted. Nor have I any request to make, but that you will forgive all
my imperfections and, among the rest, this foolish weakness, that makes
me seem to you, after all the generous things that have passed, to want
this further condescension, and these kind assurances. But indeed, sir,
I am oppressed by your bounty; my spirits sink under the weight of it;
and the oppression is still the greater, as I see not how, possibly, in
my whole future life, by all I can do, to merit the least of your
favours.
I know your grateful heart, said he; but remember, my dear, what the
lawyers tell us, That marriage is the highest consideration which the law
knows. And this, my sweet bride, has made you mine, and me yours; and
you have the best claim in the world to share my fortune with me. But,
set that consideration aside, what is the obligation you have to me?
Your mind is pure as that of an angel, and as much transcends mine. Your
wit, and your judgment, to make you no compliment, are more than equal to
mine: You have all the graces that education can give a woman, improved
by a genius which makes those graces natural to you. You have a
sweetness of temper, and a noble sincerity, beyond all comparison; and in
the beauty of your person, you excel all the ladies I ever saw. Where
then, my dearest, is the obligation, if not on my side to you?--But, to
avoid these comparisons, let us talk of nothing henceforth but equality;
although, if the riches of your mind, and your unblemished virtue, be set
against my fortune, (which is but an accidental good, as I may call it,
and all I have to boast of,) the condescension will be yours; and I shall
not think I can possibly deserve you, till, after your sweet example, my
future life shall become nearly as blameless as yours.
O, sir, said I, what comfort do you give me, that, instead of my being in
danger of being ensnared by the high condition to which your goodness has
exalted me, you make me hope, that I shall be confirmed and approved by
you; and that we may have a prospect of perpetuating each other's
happiness, till time shall be no more!--But, sir, I will not, as you once
cautioned me, be too serious. I will resolve, with these sweet
encouragements, to be, in every thing, what you would have me be: And I
hope I shall, more and more, shew you that I have no will but yours. He
kissed me very tenderly, and thanked me for this kind assurance, as he
called it.
And so we entered the house together.
Eight o'clock at night.
Now these sweet assurances, my dear father and mother, you will say, must
be very consolatory to me; and being voluntary on his side, were all that
could be wished for on mine; and I was resolved, if possible, to subdue
my idle fears and apprehensions.
Ten o'clock at night.
As we sat at supper, he was generously kind to me, as well in his
actions, as expressions. He took notice, in the most delicate manner, of
my endeavour to conquer my foibles; and said, I see, with pleasure, my
dear girl strives to comport herself in a manner suitable to my wishes: I
see, even through the sweet tender struggles of your over-nice modesty,
how much I owe to your intentions of obliging me. As I have once told
you, that I am the conquest more of your virtue than your beauty; so not
one alarming word or look shall my beloved Pamela hear or see, to give
her reason to suspect the truth of what I aver. You may the rather
believe me, continued he, as you may see the pain I have to behold any
thing that concerns you, even though your concern be causeless. And yet
I will indulge my dear girl's bashful weakness so far, as to own, that so
pure a mind may suffer from apprehension, on so important a change as
this; and I can therefore be only displeased with such part of your
conduct, as may make your sufferings greater than my own; when I am
resolved, through every stage of my future life, in all events, to study
to make them less.
After supper, of which, with all his sweet persuasions, I could hardly
taste, he made me drink two glasses of champaign, and, afterwards, a
glass of sack; which he kindly forced upon me, by naming your healths:
and as the time of retiring drew on, he took notice, but in a very
delicate manner, how my colour went and came, and how foolishly I
trembled. Nobody, surely, in such delightful circumstances, ever behaved
so silly!--And he said, My dearest girl, I fear you have had too much of
my company for so many hours together; and would better recollect
yourself, if you retired for half an hour to your closet.
I wished for this, but durst not say so much, lest he should be angry;
for, as the hours grew on, I found my apprehensions increase, and my
silly heart was the unquieter, every time I could lift up my eyes to his
dear face; so sweetly terrible did he appear to my apprehensions. I
said, You are all goodness, dear sir; and I boldly kissed his dear hand,
and pressed it to my lips with both mine. And saluting me very
fervently, he gave me his hand, seeing me hardly able to stand, and led
me to my chamber-door, and then most generously withdrew.
I went to my closet; and the first thing I did, on my knees, again
thanked God for the blessing of the day; and besought his divine goodness
to conduct my future life in such a manner, as should make me a happy
instrument of his glory. After this, being now left to my own
recollection, I grew a little more assured and lightsome; and the pen and
paper being before me, I amused myself with writing thus far.
Eleven o'clock Thursday night.
Mrs. Jewkes being come up with a message, desiring to know, whether her
master may attend upon me in my closet; and hinting to me, that, however,
she believed he did not expect to find me there; I have sent word, that I
beg he would indulge me one quarter of an hour.--So, committing myself to
the mercies of the Almighty, who has led me through so many strange
scenes of terror and affrightment, to this happy, yet awful moment, I
will wish you, my dear parents, a good night; and though you will not see
this in time, yet I know I have your hourly prayers, and therefore cannot
fail of them now. So, good night, good night! God bless you, and God
bless me! Amen, amen, if it be his blessed will, subscribes
Your ever-dutiful DAUGHTER!
Friday evening.
O how this dear excellent man indulges me in every thing! Every hour he
makes me happier, by his sweet condescension, than the former. He pities
my weakness of mind, allows for all my little foibles, endeavours to
dissipate my fears; his words are so pure, his ideas so chaste, and his
whole behaviour so sweetly decent, that never, surely, was so happy a
creature as your Pamela! I never could have hoped such a husband could
have fallen to my lot: and much less, that a gentleman, who had allowed
himself in attempts, that now I will endeavour to forget for ever, should
have behaved with so very delicate and unexceptionable a demeanour. No
light frothy jests drop from his lips; no alarming railleries; no
offensive expressions, nor insulting airs, reproach or wound the ears of
your happy, thrice happy daughter. In short, he says every thing that
may embolden me to look up, with pleasure, upon the generous author of my
happiness.
At breakfast, when I knew not how to see him, he emboldened me by talking
of you, my dear parents; a subject, he generously knew, I could talk of:
and gave me assurances, that he would make you both happy. He said, He
would have me send you a letter to acquaint you with my nuptials; and, as
he could make business that way, Thomas should carry it purposely, as to-
morrow. Nor will I, said he, my dear Pamela, desire to see your
writings, because I told you I would not; for now I will, in every thing,
religiously keep my word with my dear spouse: (O the dear delightful
word!) and you may send all your papers to them, from those they have,
down to this happy moment; only let me beg they will preserve them, and
let me have them when they have read them; as also those I have not seen;
which, however, I desire not to see till then; but then shall take it for
a favour, if you will grant it.
It will be my pleasure, as well as my duty, sir, said I, to obey you in
every thing: and I will write up to the conclusion of this day, that they
may see how happy you have made me.
I know you will both join with me to bless God for his wonderful mercies
and goodness to you, as well as to me: For he was pleased to ask me
particularly after your circumstances, and said, He had taken notice,
that I had hinted, in some of my first letters, that you owed money in
the world; and he gave me fifty guineas, and bid me send them to you in
my packet, to pay your debts, as far as they would go; and that you would
quit your present business, and put yourself, and my dear mother, into a
creditable appearance; and he would find a better place of abode for you
than that you had, when he returned to Bedfordshire. O how shall I bear
all these exceeding great and generous favours!--I send them wrapt up,
five guineas in a parcel, in double papers.
To me he gave no less than one hundred guineas more; and said, I would
have you, my dear, give Mrs. Jewkes, when you go away from hence, what
you think fit out of these, as from yourself.--Nay, good dear sir, said
I, let that be what you please. Give her, then, said he, twenty guineas,
as a compliment on your nuptials. Give Colbrand ten guineas give: the
two coachmen five guineas each; to the two maids at this house five
guineas each; give Abraham five guineas; give Thomas five guineas; and
give the gardeners, grooms, and helpers, twenty guineas among them. And
when, said he, I return with you to the other house, I will make you a
suitable present, to buy you such ornaments as are fit for my beloved
wife to appear in. For now, my Pamela, continued he, you are not to
mind, as you once proposed, what other ladies will say; but to appear as
my wife ought to do. Else it would look as if what you thought of, as a
means to avoid the envy of others of your sex, was a wilful slight in me,
which, I hope, I never shall be guilty of; and I will shew the world,
that I value you as I ought, and as if I had married the first fortune in
the kingdom: And why should it not be so, when I know none of the first
quality that matches you in excellence?
He saw I was at a loss for words, and said, I see, my dearest bride! my
spouse! my wife! my Pamela! your grateful confusion. And kissing me, as
I was going to speak, I will stop your dear mouth, said he: You shall not
so much as thank me; for when I have done ten times more than this, I
shall but poorly express my love for so much beauty of mind, and
loveliness of person; which thus, said he, and clasped me to his generous
bosom, I can proudly now call my own!--O how, my dear parents, can I
think of any thing, but redoubled love, joy, and gratitude!
And thus generously did he banish from my mind those painful reflections,
and bashful apprehensions, that made me dread to see him for the first
time this day, when I was called to attend him at breakfast; and made me
all ease, composure, and tranquillity.
He then, thinking I seemed somewhat thoughtful, proposed a little turn in
the chariot till dinner-time: And this was another sweet relief to me;
and he diverted me with twenty agreeable relations, of what observations
he had made in his travels; and gave me the characters of the ladies and
gentlemen in his other neighbourhood; telling me whose acquaintance he
would have me most cultivate. And when I mentioned Lady Davers with
apprehension, he said, To be sure I love my sister dearly,
notwithstanding her violent spirit; and I know she loves me; and I can
allow a little for her pride, because I know what my own so lately was;
and because she knows not my Pamela, and her excellencies, as I do. But
you must not, my dear, forget what belongs to your character, as my wife,
nor meanly stoop to her; though I know you will choose, by softness, to
try to move her to a proper behaviour. But it shall be my part to see,
that you do not yield too much.
However, continued he, as I would not publicly declare my marriage here,
I hope she won't come near us till we are in Bedfordshire; and then, when
she knows we are married, she will keep away, if she is not willing to be
reconciled; for she dares not, surely, come to quarrel with me, when she
knows it is done; for that would have a hateful and wicked appearance, as
if she would try to make differences between man and wife.--But we will
have no more of this subject, nor talk of any thing, added he, that shall
give concern to my dearest. And so he changed the talk to a more
pleasing subject, and said the kindest and most soothing things in the
world.
When we came home, which was about dinner-time, he was the same obliging,
kind gentleman; and, in short, is studious to shew, on every occasion,
his generous affection to me. And, after dinner, he told me, he had
already written to his draper, in town, to provide him new liveries; and
to his late mother's mercer, to send him down patterns of the most
fashionable silks, for my choice. I told him, I was unable to express my
gratitude for his favours and generosity: And as he knew best what
befitted his own rank and condition, I would wholly remit myself to his
good pleasure. But, by all his repeated bounties to me, of so
extraordinary a nature, I could not but look forward with awe upon the
condition to which he had exalted me; and now I feared I should hardly be
able to act up to it in such a manner as should justify the choice he had
condescended to make: But that, I hoped, I should have not only his
generous allowance for my imperfections, which I could only assure him
should not be wilful ones, but his kind instructions; and that as often
as he observed any part of my conduct such as he could not entirely
approve, he would let me know it; and I would think his reproofs of
beginning faults the kindest and most affectionate things in the world
because they would keep me from committing greater; and be a means to
continue to me the blessing of his good opinion.
He answered me in the kindest manner; and assured me, That nothing should
ever lie upon his mind which he would not reveal, and give me an
opportunity either of convincing him, or being convinced myself.
He then asked me, When I should be willing to go to the Bedfordshire
house? I said, whenever he pleased. We will come down hither again
before the winter, said he, if you please, in order to cultivate the
acquaintance you have begun with Lady Jones, and Sir Simon's family; and,
if it please God to spare us to one another, in the winter I will give
you, as I promised for two or three months, the diversions of London.
And I think, added he, if my dear pleases, we will set out next week,
about Tuesday, for t'other house. I can have no objection, sir, said I,
to any thing you propose; but how will you avoid Miss Darnford's
solicitation for an evening to dance? Why, said he, we can make Monday
evening do for that purpose, if they won't excuse us. But, if you
please, said he, I will invite Lady Jones, Mr. Peters and his family, and
Sir Simon and his family, to my little chapel, on Sunday morning, and to
stay dinner with me; and then I will declare my marriage to them, because
my dear life shall not leave this country with the least reason for a
possibility of any body's doubting that it is so. O! how good was this!
But, indeed, his conduct is all of a piece, noble, kind, and considerate!
What a happy creature am I!--And then, may be, said he, they will excuse
us till we return into this country again, as to the ball. Is there any
thing, added he, that my beloved Pamela has still to wish? If you have,
freely speak.
Hitherto, my dearest sir, replied I, you have not only prevented my
wishes, but my hopes, and even my thoughts. And yet I must own, since
your kind command of speaking my mind seems to shew, that you expect from
me I should say something; that I have only one or two things to wish
more, and then I shall be too happy. Say, said he, what they are. Sir,
proceeded I, I am, indeed, ashamed to ask any thing, lest it should not
be agreeable to you; and lest it should look as if I was taking advantage
of your kind condescensions to me, and knew not when to be satisfied!
I will only tell you, Pamela, said he, that you are not to imagine, that
these things, which I have done, in hopes of obliging you, are the sudden
impulses of a new passion for you. But, if I can answer for my own mind,
they proceed from a regular and uniform desire of obliging you: which, I
hope, will last as long as your merit lasts; and that, I make no doubt,
will be as long as I live. And I can the rather answer for this, because
I really find so much delight in myself in my present way of thinking and
acting, as infinitely overpays me; and which, for that reason, I am
likely to continue, for both our sakes. My beloved wife, therefore, said
he, for methinks I am grown fond of a name I once despised, may venture
to speak her mind; and I will promise, that, so far as it is agreeable to
me, and I cheerfully can, I will comply; and you will not insist upon it,
if that should not be the case.
To be sure, sir, said I, I ought not, neither will I. And now you
embolden me to become an humble petitioner, and that, as I ought, upon my
knees, for the reinstating such of your servants, as I have been the
unhappy occasion of their disobliging you. He raised me up, and said, My
beloved Pamela has too often been in this suppliant posture to me, to
permit it any more. Rise, my fairest, and let me know whom, in
particular, you would reinstate; and he kindly held me in his arms, and
pressed me to his beloved bosom. Mrs. Jervis, sir, said I, in the first
place; for she is a good woman; and the misfortunes she has had in the
world, must make your displeasure most heavy to her.
Well, said he, who next? Mr. Longman, sir, said I; and I am sure, kind
as they have been to me, yet would I not ask it, if I could not vouch for
their integrity, and if I did not think it was my dear master's interest
to have such good servants.
Have you any thing further? said he.--Sir, said I, your good old butler,
who has so long been in your family before the day of your happy birth, I
would, if I might, become an advocate for!
Well, said he, I have only to say, That had not Mr. Longman and Mrs.
Jervis, and Jonathan too, joined in a body, in a bold appeal to Lady
Davers, which has given her the insolent handle she has taken to
intermeddle in my affairs, I could easily have forgiven all the rest of
their conduct; though they have given their tongues no little license
about me: But I could have forgiven them, because I desire every body
should admire you; and it is with pride that I observe not only their
opinion and love, but that of every body else that knows you, justify my
own.--But yet, I will forgive even this, because my Pamela desires it;
and I will send a letter myself, to tell Longman what he owes to your
interposition, if the estate he has made in my family does not set him
above the acceptance of it. And, as to Mrs. Jervis, do you, my dear,
write a letter to her, and give her your commands, instantly, on, the
receipt of it, to go and take possession of her former charge; for now,
my dearest girl, she will be more immediately your servant; and I know
you love her so well, that you'll go thither with the more pleasure to
find her there.--But don't think, added he, that all this compliance is
to be for nothing. Ah, sir! said I, tell me but what I can do, poor as I
am in power, but rich in will; and I will not hesitate one moment. Why
then, said he, of your own accord, reward me for my cheerful compliance,
with one sweet kiss--I instantly said, Thus, then, dear sir, will I obey;
and, oh! you have the sweetest and most generous way in the world, to
make that a condition, which gives me double honour, and adds to my
obligations. And so I clasped my arms about his neck, and was not
ashamed to kiss him once and twice, and three times; once for every
forgiven person.
Now, my dearest Pamela, said he, what other things have you to ask? Mr.
Williams is already taken care of; and, I hope, will be happy.--Have you
nothing to say for John Arnold?
Why, dear sir, said I, you have seen the poor fellow's penitence in my
letters.--Yes, my dear, so I have; but that is his penitence for his
having served me against you; and, I think, when he would have betrayed
me afterwards, he deserves nothing to be said or done for him by either.
But, dear sir, said I, this is a day of jubilee; and the less he
deserves, poor fellow, the more will be your goodness. And let me add
one word; That as he was divided in his inclinations between his duty to
you and good wishes to me, and knew not how to distinguish between the
one and the other, when he finds us so happily united by your great
goodness to me, he will have no more puzzles in his duty; for he has not
failed in any other part of it; but, I hope, will serve you faithfully
for the future.
Well, then, suppose I put Mrs. Jewkes in a good way of business, in some
inn, and give her John for a husband? And then your gipsy story will be
made out, that she will have a husband younger than herself.
You are all goodness, sir, said I. I can freely forgive poor Mrs.
Jewkes, and wish her happy. But permit me, sir, to ask, Would not this
look like a very heavy punishment to poor John? and as if you could not
forgive him, when you are so generous to every body else?
He smiled and said, O my Pamela, this, for a forgiving spirit, is very
severe upon poor Jewkes: But I shall never, by the grace of God, have any
more such trying services, to put him or the rest upon; and if you can
forgive him, I think I may: and so John shall be at your disposal. And
now let me know what my Pamela has further to wish?
O, my dearest sir, said I, not a single wish more has your grateful
Pamela! My heart is overwhelmed with your goodness! Forgive these tears
of joy, added I: You have left me nothing to pray for, but that God will
bless you with life, and health, and honour, and continue to me the
blessing of your esteem; and I shall then be the happiest creature in the
world.
He clasped me in his arms, and said, You cannot, my dear life, be so
happy in me, as I am in you. O how heartily I despise all my former
pursuits, and headstrong appetites! What joys, what true joys, flow from
virtuous love! joys which the narrow soul of the libertine cannot take
in, nor his thoughts conceive! And which I myself, whilst a libertine,
had not the least notion of!
But, said he, I expected my dear spouse, my Pamela, had something to ask
for herself. But since all her own good is absorbed in the delight her
generous heart takes in promoting that of others, it shall be my study to
prevent her wishes, and to make her care for herself unnecessary, by my
anticipating kindness.
In this manner, my dear parents, is your happy daughter blessed in a
husband! O how my exulting heart leaps at the dear, dear word!--And I
have nothing to do, but to be humble, and to look up with gratitude to
the all-gracious dispenser of these blessings.
So, with a thousand thanks, I afterwards retired to my closet, to write
you thus far. And having completed what I purpose for this packet, and
put up the kind obliging present, I have nothing more to say, but that I
hope soon to see you both, and receive your blessings on this happy,
thrice happy occasion. And so, hoping for your prayers, that I may
preserve an humble and upright mind to my gracious God, a dutiful
gratitude to my dear master and husband--that I may long rejoice in the
continuance of these blessings and favours, and that I may preserve, at
the same time, an obliging deportment to every one else, I conclude
myself, Your ever-dutiful and most happy daughter,
PAMELA B----
O think it not my pride, my dear parents, that sets me on glorying in my
change of name! Yours will be always dear to me, and what I shall never
be ashamed of, I'm sure: But yet--for such a husband!--What shall I say,
since words are too faint to express my gratitude and my joy!
I have taken copies of my master's letter to Mr. Longman, and mine to
Mrs. Jervis, which I will send with the further occurrences, when I go
to the other dear house, or give you when I see you, as I now hope soon
to do.
Saturday morning, the third of my happy nuptials.
I must still write on, till I come to be settled in the duty of the
station to which I am so generously exalted, and to let you participate
with me the transporting pleasures that rise from my new condition, and
the favours that are hourly heaped upon me by the best of husbands. When
I had got my packet for you finished, I then set about writing, as he had
kindly directed me, to Mrs. Jervis; and had no difficulty till I came to
sign my name; and so I brought it down with me, when I was called to
supper, unsigned.
My good master (for I delight, and always shall, to call him by that
name) had been writing to Mr. Longman; and he said, pleasantly, See,
here, my dearest, what I have written to your Somebody. I read as
follows:
'Mr. LONGMAN,
'I have the pleasure to acquaint you, that last Thursday I was married to
my beloved Pamela. I have had reason to be disobliged with you, and Mrs.
Jervis and Jonathan, not for your kindness to, and regard for, my dear
spouse, that now is, but for the manner, in which you appealed to my
sister Davers; which has made a very wide breach between her and me. But
as it was one of her first requests, that I would overlook what had
passed, and reinstate you in all your former charges, I think myself
obliged, without the least hesitation, to comply with it. So, if you
please, you may enter again upon an office which you have always executed
with unquestionable integrity, and to the satisfaction of 'Yours etc.'
'Friday afternoon.'
'I shall set out next Tuesday or Wednesday for Bedfordshire; and desire
to find Jonathan, as well as you, in your former offices; in which, I
dare say, you'll have the more pleasure, as you have such an early
instance of the sentiments of my dear wife, from whose goodness you may
expect every agreeable thing. She writes herself to Mrs. Jervis.'
I thanked him most gratefully for his goodness; and afterwards took the
above copy of it; and shewed him my letter to Mrs. Jervis, as follows:
'My DEAR MRS. JERVIS,
'I have joyful tidings to communicate to you. For yesterday I was
happily married to the best of gentlemen, yours and my beloved master. I
have only now to tell you, that I am inexpressibly happy: that my
generous benefactor denies me nothing, and even anticipates my wishes.
You may be sure I could not forget my dear Mrs. Jervis; and I made it my
request, and had it granted, as soon as asked, that you might return to
the kind charge, which you executed with so much advantage to our
master's interest, and so much pleasure to all under your direction. All
the power that is put into my hands, by the most generous of men, shall
be exerted to make every thing easy and agreeable to you: And as I shall
soon have the honour of attending my beloved to Bedfordshire, it will be
a very considerable addition to my delight, and to my unspeakable
obligations to the best of men, to see my dear Mrs. Jervis, and to be
received by her with that pleasure, which I promise myself from her
affection. For I am, my dear good friend, and always will be,
'Yours, very affectionately, and gratefully,
PAMELA ----.'
He read this letter, and said, 'Tis yours, my dear, and must be good: But
don't you put your name to it? Sir, said I, your goodness has given me a
right to a very honourable one but as this is the first occasion of the
kind, except that to my dear father and mother, I think I ought to shew
it you unsigned, that I may not seem over-forward to take advantage of
the honour you have done me.
However sweetly humble and requisite, said he, this may appear to my dear
Pamela's niceness, it befits me to tell you, that I am every moment more
and more pleased with the right you have to my name: and, my dear life,
added he, I have only to wish I may be half as worthy as you are of the
happy knot so lately knit. He then took a pen himself, and wrote, after
Pamela, his most worthy sirname; and I under-wrote thus: 'O rejoice with
me, my dear Mrs. Jervis, that I am enabled, by God's graciousness, and my
dear master's goodness, thus to write myself!'
These letters, and the packet to you, were sent away by Mr. Thomas early
this morning.
My dearest master is just gone to take a ride out, and intends to call
upon Lady Jones, Mr. Peters, and Sir Simon Darnford, to invite them to
chapel and dinner to-morrow; and says, he chooses to do it himself,
because the time is so short, they will, perhaps, deny a servant.
I forgot to mention, that Mr. Williams was here yesterday, to ask leave
to go to see his new living, and to provide for taking possession of it;
and seemed so pleased with my master's kindness and fondness for me, as
well as his generous deportment to himself, that he left us in such a
disposition, as shewed he was quite happy. I am very glad of it; for it
would rejoice me to be an humble means of making all mankind so: And oh!
what returns ought I not to make to the divine goodness! and how ought I
to strive to diffuse the blessings I experience, to all in my knowledge!
--For else, what is it for such a worm as I to be exalted! What is my
single happiness, if I suffer it, niggard-like, to extend no farther than
to myself?--But then, indeed, do God Almighty's creatures act worthy of
the blessings they receive, when they make, or endeavour to make, the
whole creation, so far as is in the circle of their power, happy!
Great and good God! as thou hast enlarged my opportunities, enlarge also
my will, and make me delight in dispensing to others a portion of that
happiness, which I have myself so plentifully received at the hand of thy
gracious Providence! Then shall I not be useless in my generation!--Then
shall I not stand a single mark of thy goodness to a poor worthless
creature, that in herself is of so small account in the scale of beings,
a mere cipher on the wrong side of a figure; but shall be placed on the
right side; and, though nothing worth in myself, shall give signification
by my place, and multiply the blessings I owe to thy goodness, which has
distinguished me by so fair a lot!
This, as I conceive, is the indispensable duty of a high condition; and
how great must be the condemnation of poor creatures, at the great day of
account, when they shall be asked, What uses they have made of the
opportunities put into their hands? and are able only to say, We have
lived but to ourselves: We have circumscribed all the power thou hast
given us into one narrow, selfish, compass: We have heaped up treasures
for those who came after us, though we knew not whether they would not
make a still worse use of them than we ourselves did! And how can such
poor selfish pleaders expect any other sentence, than the dreadful,
Depart, ye cursed!
But sure, my dear father and mother, such persons can have no notion of
the exalted pleasures that flow from doing good, were there to be no
after-account at all!
There is something so satisfactory and pleasing to reflect on the being
able to administer comfort and relief to those who stand in need of it,
as infinitely, of itself, rewards the beneficent mind. And how often
have I experienced this in my good lady's time, though but the second-
hand dispenser of her benefits to the poor and sickly, when she made me
her almoner!--How have I been affected with the blessings which the
miserable have heaped upon her for her goodness, and upon me for being
but the humble conveyer of her bounty to them!--And how delighted have I
been, when the moving report I have made of a particular distress, has
augmented my good lady's first intentions in relief of it!
This I recall with pleasure, because it is now, by the divine goodness,
become my part to do those good things she was wont to do: And oh! let
me watch myself, that my prosperous state do not make me forget to look
up, with due thankfulness, to the Providence which has entrusted me with
the power, that so I may not incur a terrible woe by the abuse or neglect
of it!
Forgive me these reflections, my dear parents; and let me have your
prayers, that I may not find my present happiness a snare to me; but that
I may consider, that more and more will be expected from me, in
proportion to the power given me; and that I may not so unworthily act,
as if I believed I ought to set up my rest in my mean self, and think
nothing further to be done, with the opportunities put into my hand, by
the divine favour, and the best of men!
Saturday, seven o'clock in the evening.
My master returned home to dinner, in compliment to me, though much
pressed to dine with Lady Jones, as he was, also, by Sir Simon, to dine
with him. But Mr. Peters could not conveniently provide a preacher for
his own church tomorrow morning, at so short a notice; Mr. Williams being
gone, as I said, to his new living; but believed he could for the
afternoon; and so he promised to give us his company to dinner, and to
read afternoon service: and this made my master invite all the rest, as
well as him, to dinner, and not to church; and he made them promise to
come; and told Mr. Peters, he would send his coach for him and his
family.
Miss Darnford told him pleasantly, She would not come, unless he would
promise to let her be at his wedding; by which I find Mr. Peters has kept
the secret, as my master desired.
He was pleased to give me an airing after dinner in the chariot, and
renewed his kind assurances to me, and, if possible, is kinder than ever.
This is sweetly comfortable to me, because it shews me he does not repent
of his condescensions to me; and it encourages me to look up to him with
more satisfaction of mind, and less doubtfulness.
I begged leave to send a guinea to a poor body in the town, that I heard,
by Mrs. Jewkes, lay very ill, and was very destitute. He said, Send two,
my dear, if you please. Said I, Sir, I will never do any thing of this
kind without letting you know what I do. He most generously answered, I
shall then, perhaps, have you do less good than you would otherwise do,
from a doubt of me; though, I hope, your discretion, and my own temper,
which is not avaricious, will make such doubt causeless.
Now, my dear, continued he, I'll tell you how we will order this point,
to avoid even the shadow of uneasiness on one side, or doubt on the
other.
As to your father and mother, in the first place, they shall be quite out
of the question; for I have already determined in my mind about them; and
it is thus: They shall go down, if they and you think well of it, to my
little Kentish estate; which I once mentioned to you in such a manner, as
made you reject it with a nobleness of mind, that gave me pain then, but
pleasure since. There is a pretty little farm, and house, untenanted,
upon that estate, and tolerably well stocked, and I will further stock it
for them; for such industrious folks won't know how to live without some
employment; And it shall be theirs for both their lives, without paying
any rent; and I will allow them 50l. per annum besides, that they may
keep up the stock, and be kind to any other of their relations, without
being beholden to you or me for small matters; and for greater, where
needful, you shall always have it in your power to accommodate them; for
I shall never question your prudence. And we will, so long as God spares
our lives, go down, once a year, to see them; and they shall come up, as
often as they please, it cannot be too often, to see us: for I mean not
this, my dear, to send them from us.--Before I proceed, does my Pamela
like this?
O, sir, said I, the English tongue affords not words, or, at least, I
have them not, to express sufficiently my gratitude! Teach me, dear sir,
continued I, and pressed his dear hand to my lips, teach me some other
language, if there be any, that abounds with more grateful terms; that I
may not thus be choked with meanings, for which I can find no utterance.
My charmer! says he, your language is all wonderful, as your sentiments;
and you most abound, when you seem most to want!--All that I wish, is to
find my proposals agreeable to you; and if my first are not, my second
shall be, if I can but know what you wish.
Did I say too much, my dearest parents, when I said, He was, if possible,
kinder and kinder?--O the blessed man! how my heart is overwhelmed with
his goodness!
Well, said he, my dearest, let me desire you to mention this to them, to
see if they approve it. But, if it be your choice, and theirs, to have
them nearer to you, or even under the same roof with you, I will freely
consent to it.
O no, sir, said I, (and I fear almost sinned in my grateful flight,) I am
sure they would not choose that; they could not, perhaps, serve God so
well if they were to live with you: For, so constantly seeing the hand
that blesses them, they would, it may be, as must be my care to avoid, be
tempted to look no further in their gratitude, than to the dear dispenser
of such innumerable benefits.
Excellent creature! said he: My beloved wants no language, nor sentiments
neither; and her charming thoughts, so sweetly expressed, would grace any
language; and this is a blessing almost peculiar to my fairest.--Your so
kind acceptance, my Pamela, added he, repays the benefit with interest,
and leaves me under obligation to your goodness.
But now, my dearest, I will tell you what we will do, with regard to
points of your own private charity; for far be it from me, to put under
that name the subject we have been mentioning; because that, and more
than that, is duty to persons so worthy, and so nearly related to my
Pamela, and, as such, to myself.--O how the sweet man outdoes me, in
thoughts, words, power, and every thing!
And this, said he, lies in very small compass; for I will allow you two
hundred pounds a year, which Longman shall constantly pay you, at fifty
pounds a quarter, for your own use, and of which I expect no account; to
commence from the day you enter into my other house: I mean, said he,
that the first fifty pounds shall then be due; because you shall have
something to begin with. And, added the dear generous man, if this be
pleasing to you, let it, since you say you want words, be signified by
such a sweet kiss as you gave me yesterday. I hesitated not a moment to
comply with these obliging terms, and threw my arms about his dear neck,
though in the chariot, and blessed his goodness to me. But, indeed, sir,
said I, I cannot bear this generous treatment! He was pleased to say,
Don't be uneasy, my dear, about these trifles: God has blessed me with a
very good estate, and all of it in a prosperous condition, and generally
well tenanted. I lay up money every year, and have, besides, large sums
in government and other securities; so that you will find, what I have
hitherto promised, is very short of that proportion of my substance,
which, as my dearest wife, you have a right to.
In this sweet manner did we pass our time till evening, when the chariot
brought us home; and then our supper succeeded in the same agreeable
manner. And thus, in a rapturous circle, the time moves on; every hour
bringing with it something more delightful than the past!--Sure nobody
was ever so blest as I!
Sunday, the fourth day of my happiness.
Not going to chapel this morning, the reason of which I told you, I
bestowed the time, from the hour of my beloved's rising, to breakfast, in
prayer and thanksgiving, in my closet; and now I begin to be quite easy,
cheerful, and free in my spirits; and the rather, as I find myself
encouraged by the tranquillity, and pleasing vivacity, in the temper and
behaviour of my beloved, who thereby shews he does not repent of his
goodness to me.
I attended him to breakfast with great pleasure and freedom, and he
seemed quite pleased with me, and said, Now does my dearest begin to look
upon me with an air of serenity and satisfaction: it shall be always,
added he, my delight to give you occasion for this sweet becoming aspect
of confidence and pleasure in me.--My heart, dear sir, said I, is quite
easy, and has lost all its foolish tumults, which, combating with my
gratitude, might give an unacceptable appearance to my behaviour: but now
your goodness, sir, has enabled it to get the better of its uneasy
apprehensions, and my heart is all of one piece, and devoted to you, and
grateful tranquillity. And could I be so happy as to see you and my good
Lady Davers reconciled, I have nothing in this world to wish for more,
but the continuance of your favour. He said, I wish this reconciliation,
my dearest, as well as you: and I do assure you, more for your sake than
my own; and if she would behave tolerably, I would make the terms easier
to her, for that reason.
He said, I will lay down one rule for you, my Pamela, to observe in your
dress; and I will tell you every thing I like or dislike, as it occurs to
me: and I would have you do the same, on your part; that nothing may be
upon either of our minds that may occasion the least reservedness.
I have often observed, in married folks, that, in a little while, the
lady grows careless in her dress; which, to me, looks as if she would
take no pains to secure the affection she had gained; and shews a slight
to her husband, that she had not to her lover. Now, you must know, this
has always given me great offence; and I should not forgive it, even in
my Pamela: though she would have this excuse for herself, that thousands
could not make, That she looks lovely in every thing. So, my dear, I
shall expect of you always to be dressed by dinner-time, except something
extraordinary happens; and this, whether you are to go abroad, or stay at
home. For this, my love, will continue to you that sweet ease in your
dress and behaviour, which you are so happy a mistress of; and whomsoever
I bring home with me to my table, you'll be in readiness to receive them;
and will not want to make those foolish apologies to unexpected visitors,
that carry with them a reflection on the conduct of those who make them;
and, besides, will convince me, that you think yourself obliged to appear
as graceful to your husband, as you would to persons less familiar to
your sight.
This, dear sir, said I, is a most obliging injunction; and I most
heartily thank you for it, and will always take care to obey it.--Why, my
dear, said he, you may better do this than half your sex; because they
too generally act in such a manner, as if they seemed to think it the
privilege of birth and fortune, to turn day into night, and night into
day, and are seldom stirring till it is time to sit down to dinner; and
so all the good old family rules are reversed: For they breakfast, when
they should dine; dine, when they should sup; and sup, when they should
go to bed; and, by the help of dear quadrille, sometimes go to bed when
they should rise.--In all things but these, my dear, continued he, I
expect you to be a lady. And my good mother was one of this oldfashioned
cut, and, in all other respects, as worthy a lady as any in the kingdom.
And so you have not been used to the new way, and may the easier practise
the other.
Dear sir, said I, pray give me more of your sweet injunctions. Why then,
continued he, I shall, in the usual course, and generally, if not
hindered by company, like to go to bed with my dearest by eleven; and, if
I don't, shan't hinder you. I ordinarily now rise by six in summer. I
will allow you to be half an hour after me, or so.
Then you'll have some time you may call your own, till you give me your
company to breakfast; which may be always so, as that we may have done at
a little after nine.
Then will you have several hours again at your disposal, till two
o'clock, when I shall like to sit down at table.
You will then have several useful hours more to employ yourself in, as
you shall best like; and I would generally go to supper by eight; and
when we are resolved to stick to these oldfashioned rules, as near as we
can, we shall have our visitors conform to them too, and expect them from
us, and suit themselves accordingly: For I have always observed, that it
is in every one's power to prescribe rules to himself. It is only
standing a few ridiculous jests at first, and that too from such,
generally, as are not the most worthy to be minded; and, after a while,
they will say, It signifies nothing to ask him: he will have his own way.
There is no putting him out of his bias. He is a regular piece of clock-
work, they will joke, and all that: And why, my dear, should we not be
so? For man is as frail a piece of machinery as any clock-work whatever;
and, by irregularity, is as subject to be disordered.
Then, my dear, continued the charming man, when they see they are
received, at my own times, with an open countenance and cheerful heart;
when they see plenty and variety at my board, and meet a kind and hearty
welcome from us both; they will not offer to break in upon my conditions,
nor grudge me my regular hours: And as most of these people have nothing
to do, except to rise in a morning, they may as well come to breakfast
with us at half an hour after eight, in summer, as at ten or eleven; to
dinner at two, as at four, five, or six; and to supper at eight, as at
ten or eleven. And then our servants, too, will know, generally, the
times of their business, and the hours of their leisure or recess; and
we, as well as they, shall reap the benefits of this regularity. And who
knows, my dear, but we may revive the good oldfashion in our
neighbourhood, by this means?--At least it will be doing our parts
towards it; and answering the good lesson I learned at school, Every one
mend one. And the worst that will happen will be, that when some of my
brother rakes, such as those who broke in upon us, so unwelcomely, last
Thursday, are got out of the way, if that can ever be, and begin to
consider who they shall go to dine with in their rambles, they will only
say, We must not go to him, for his dinner-time is over; and so they'll
reserve me for another time, when they happen to suit it better; or,
perhaps, they will take a supper and a bed with me instead of it.
Now, my dearest, continued the kind man, you see here are more of my
injunctions, as you call them; and though I will not be so set, as to
quarrel, if they are not always exactly complied with; yet, as I know you
won't think them unreasonable, I shall be glad they may, as often as they
can; and you will give your orders accordingly to your Mrs. Jervis, who
is a good woman, and will take pleasure in obeying you.
O dearest, dear sir, said I, have you nothing more to honour me with?
You oblige and improve me at the same time.--What a happy lot is mine!
Why, let me see, my dearest, said he--But I think of no more at present:
For it would be needless to say how much I value you for your natural
sweetness of temper, and that open cheerfulness of countenance, which
adorns you, when nothing has given my fairest apprehensions for her
virtue: A sweetness, and a cheerfulness, that prepossesses in your
favour, at first sight, the mind of every one that beholds you.--I need
not, I hope, say, that I would have you diligently preserve this sweet
appearance: Let no thwarting accident, no cross fortune, (for we must not
expect to be exempt from such, happy as we now are in each other!)
deprive this sweet face of this its principal grace: And when any thing
unpleasing happens, in a quarter of an hour, at farthest, begin to
mistrust yourself, and apply to your glass; and if you see a gloom
arising, or arisen, banish it instantly; smooth your dear countenance;
resume your former composure; and then, my dearest, whose heart must
always be seen in her face, and cannot be a hypocrite, will find this a
means to smooth her passions also: And if the occasion be too strong for
so sudden a conquest, she will know how to do it more effectually, by
repairing to her closet, and begging that gracious assistance, which has
never yet failed her: And so shall I, my dear, who, as you once but too
justly observed, have been too much indulged by my good mother, have an
example from you, as well as a pleasure in you, which will never be
palled.
One thing, continued he, I have frequently observed at the house of many
a gentleman, That when we have unexpectedly visited, or broken in upon
the family order laid down by the lady; and especially if any of us have
lain under the suspicion of having occasionally seduced our married
companion into bad hours, or given indifferent examples, the poor
gentleman has been oddly affected at our coming; though the good breeding
of the lady has made her just keep up appearances. He has looked so
conscious; has been so afraid, as it were, to disoblige; has made so many
excuses for some of us, before we had been accused, as have always shewn
me how unwelcome we have been; and how much he is obliged to compound
with his lady for a tolerable reception of us; and, perhaps, she too, in
proportion to the honest man's concern to court her smiles, has been more
reserved, stiff, and formal; and has behaved with an indifference and
slight that has often made me wish myself out of her house; for too
plainly have I seen that it was not his.
This, my dear, you will judge, by my description, has afforded me subject
for animadversion upon the married life; for a man may not (though, in
the main, he is willing to flatter himself that he is master of his
house, and will assert his prerogative upon great occasions, when it is
strongly invaded) be always willing to contend; and such women as those I
have described, are always ready to take the field, and are worse enemies
than the old Parthians, who annoy most when they seem to retreat; and
never fail to return to the charge again, and carry on the offensive war,
till they have tired out resistance, and made the husband willing, like a
vanquished enemy, to compound for small matters, in order to preserve
something. At least the poor man does not care to let his friends see
his case; and so will not provoke a fire to break out, that he sees (and
so do his friends too) the meek lady has much ado to smother; and which,
very possibly, burns with a most comfortable ardour, after we are gone.
You smile, my Pamela, said he, at this whimsical picture; and, I am sure,
I never shall have reason to include you in these disagreeable outlines;
but yet I will say, that I expect from you, whoever comes to my house,
that you accustom yourself to one even, uniform complaisance: That no
frown take place on your brow: That however ill or well provided we may
be for their reception, you shew no flutter or discomposure: That whoever
you may have in your company at the time, you signify not, by the least
reserved look, that the stranger is come upon you unseasonably, or at a
time you wished he had not. But be facetious, kind, obliging to all;
and, if to one more than another, to such as have the least reason to
expect it from you, or who are most inferior at the table; for thus will
you, my Pamela, cheer the doubting mind, quiet the uneasy heart, and
diffuse ease, pleasure, and tranquillity, around my board.
And be sure, my dear, continued he, let no little accidents ruffle your
temper. I shall never forget once that I was at Lady Arthur's; and a
footman happened to stumble, and let fall a fine china dish, and broke it
all to pieces: It was grievous to see the uneasiness it gave the poor
lady: And she was so sincere in it, that she suffered it to spread all
over the company; and it was a pretty large one too; and not a person in
it but turned either her consoler, or fell into stories of the like
misfortunes; and so we all became, for the rest of the evening, nothing
but blundering footmen, and careless servants, or were turned into broken
jars, plates, glasses, tea-cups, and such like brittle substances. And
it affected me so much, that, when I came home, I went to bed, and
dreamt, that Robin, with the handle of his whip, broke the fore glass of
my chariot; and I was so solicitous, methought, to keep the good lady in
countenance for her anger, that I broke his head in revenge, and stabbed
one of my coach-horses. And all the comfort I had when it was done,
methought, was, that I had not exposed myself before company; and there
were no sufferers, but guilty Robin, and one innocent coach-horse.
I was exceedingly diverted with the facetious hints, and the pleasant
manner in which he gave them; and I promised to improve by the excellent
lessons contained in them.
I then went up and dressed myself, as like a bride as I could, in my best
clothes; and, on inquiry, hearing my dearest master was gone to walk in
the garden, I went to find him out. He was reading in the little alcove;
and I said, Sir, am I licensed to intrude upon you?--No, my dear, said
he, because you cannot intrude. I am so wholly yours, that, wherever I
am, you have not only a right to join me, but you do me a very acceptable
favour at the same time.
I have, sir, said I, obeyed your first kind injunction, as to dressing
myself before dinner; but may be you are busy, sir. He put up the papers
he was reading, and said, I can have no business or pleasure of equal
value to your company, my dear. What were you going to say?--Only, sir,
to know if you have any more kind injunctions to give me?--I could hear
you talk a whole day together.--You are very obliging, Pamela, said he;
but you are so perfectly what I wish, that I might have spared those I
gave you; but I was willing you should have a taste of my freedom with
you, to put you upon the like with me: For I am confident there can be no
friendship lasting, without freedom, and without communicating to one
another even the little caprices, if my Pamela can have any such, which
may occasion uneasiness to either.
Now, my dear, said he, be so kind as to find some fault with me, and tell
me what you would wish me to do, to appear more agreeable to you. O sir,
said I, and I could have kissed him, but for shame, (To be sure I shall
grow a sad fond hussy,) I have not one single thing to wish for; no, not
one!--He saluted me very kindly, and said, He should be sorry if I had,
and forbore to speak it. Do you think, my dear sir, said I, that your
Pamela has no conscience? Do you think, that because you so kindly
oblige her, and delight in obliging her, that she must rack her invention
for trials of your goodness, and knows not when she's happy?--O my
dearest sir, added I, less than one half of the favours you have so
generously conferred upon me, would have exceeded my utmost wishes!
My dear angel, said he, and kissed me again, I shall be troublesome to
you with my kisses, if you continue thus sweetly obliging in your actions
and expressions. O sir, said I, I have been thinking, as I was dressing
myself, what excellent lessons you teach me!
When you commanded me, at your table to cheer the doubting mind and
comfort the uneasy heart, and to behave most kindly to those who have
least reason to expect it, and are most inferior; how sweetly, in every
instance that could possibly occur, have you done this yourself by your
poor, unworthy Pamela, till you have diffused, in your own dear words,
ease, pleasure, and tranquillity, around my glad heart!
Then again, sir, when you bid me not be disturbed by little accidents, or
by strangers coming in upon me unexpectedly, how noble an instance did
you give me of this, when, on our happy wedding-day, the coming of Sir
Charles Hargrave, and the other two gentlemen, (for which you were quite
unprovided, and which hindered our happiness of dining together on that
chosen day,) did not so disturb you, but that you entertained the
gentlemen pleasantly, and parted with them civilly and kindly! What
charming instances are these, I have been recollecting with pleasure, of
your pursuing the doctrine you deliver.
My dear, said he, these observations are very kind in you, and much to my
advantage: But if I do not always (for I fear these were too much
accidents) so well pursue the doctrines I lay down, my Pamela must not
expect that my imperfections will be a plea for her nonobservance of my
lessons, as you call them; for, I doubt I shall never be half so perfect
as you; and so I cannot permit you to recede in your goodness, though I
may find myself unable to advance as I ought in my duty.
I hope, sir, said I, by God's grace, I never shall. I believe it, said
he; but I only mention this, knowing my own defects, lest my future
lessons should not be so well warranted by my practice, as in the
instances you have kindly recollected.
He was pleased to take notice of my dress; and spanning my waist with his
hands, said, What a sweet shape is here! It would make one regret to
lose it; and yet, my beloved Pamela, I shall think nothing but that loss
wanting, to complete my happiness.--I put my bold hand before his mouth,
and said, Hush, hush! O fie, sir!--The freest thing you have ever yet
said, since I have been yours!--He kissed my hand, and said, Such an
innocent wish, my dearest, may be permitted me, because it is the end of
the institution.--But say, Would such a case be unwelcome to my Pamela?--
I will say, sir, said I, and hid my blushing face on his bosom, that your
wishes, in every thing, shall be mine; but, pray, sir, say no more. He
kindly saluted me, and thanked me, and changed the subject.--I was not
too free, I hope.
Thus we talked, till we heard the coaches; and then he said, Stay here,
in the garden, my dear, and I'll bring the company to you. And when he
was gone, I passed by the back-door, kneeled down against it, and blessed
God for not permitting my then so much desired escape. I went to the
pond, and kneeled down on the mossy bank, and again blessed God there,
for his mercy in my escape from myself, my then worst enemy, though I
thought I had none but enemies, and no friend near me. And so I ought to
do in almost every step of this garden, and every room in this house!--
And I was bending my steps to the dear little chapel, to make my
acknowledgment there; but I saw the company coming towards me.
Miss Darnford said, So, Miss Andrews, how do you do now? O, you look so
easy, so sweetly, so pleased, that I know you'll let me dance at your
wedding, for I shall long to be there! Lady Jones was pleased to say I
looked like an angel: And Mrs. Peters said, I improved upon them every
time they saw me. Lady Darnford was also pleased to make me a fine
compliment, and said, I looked freer and easier every time she saw me.
Dear heart! I wish, thought I, you would spare these compliments; for I
shall have some joke, I doubt, passed on me by-and-by, that will make me
suffer for all these fine things.
Mr. Peters said, softly, God bless you, dear daughter!--But not so much
as my wife knows it.--Sir Simon came in last, and took me by the hand,
and said, Mr. B----, by your leave; and kissed my hand five or six times,
as if he was mad; and held it with both his, and made a very free jest,
by way of compliment, in his way. Well, I think a young rake is hardly
tolerable; but an old rake, and an old beau, are two very sad things!--
And all this before daughters, women-grown!--I whispered my dearest, a
little after, and said, I fear I shall suffer much from Sir Simon's rude
jokes, by-and-by, when you reveal the matter.--'Tis his way, my dear,
said he; you must now grow above these things.--Miss Nanny Darnford said
to me, with a sort of half grave, ironical air,--Well, Miss Andrews, if I
may judge by your easy deportment now, to what it was when I saw you
last, I hope you will let my sister, if you won't me, see the happy knot
tied! For she is quite wild about it.--I courtesied, and only said, You
are all very good to me, ladies.--Mr. Peters's niece said, Well, Miss
Andrews, I hope, before we part, we shall be told the happy day. My good
master heard her, and said, You shall, you shall, madam.--That's pure,
said Miss Darnford.
He took me aside, and said softly, Shall I lead them to the alcove, and
tell them there, or stay till we go in to dinner?--Neither, sir, I think,
said I, I fear I shan't stand it.--Nay, said he, they must know it; I
would not have invited them else.--Why then, sir, said I, let it alone
till they are going away.--Then, replied he, you must pull off your ring.
No, no, sir, said I, that I must not.--Well, said he, do you tell Miss
Darnford of it yourself.--Indeed, sir, answered I, I cannot.
Mrs. Jewkes came officiously to ask my master, just then, if she should
bring a glass of rhenish and sugar before dinner, for the gentlemen and
ladies: And he said, That's well thought of; bring it, Mrs. Jewkes.
And she came, with Nan attending her, with two bottles and glasses, and a
salver; and must needs, making a low courtesy, offered first to me;
saying, Will your ladyship begin? I coloured like scarlet, and said,
No;--my master, to be sure!
But they all took the hint; and Miss Darnford said, I'll be hanged if
they have not stolen a wedding! said Mrs. Peters, It must certainly be
so! Ah! Mr. Peters.
I'll assure you, said he, I have not married them. Where were you, said
she, and Mr. Williams, last Thursday morning? said Sir Simon, Let me
alone, let me alone; if any thing has been stolen, I'll find it out! I'm
a justice of the peace, you know. And so he took me by the hand, and
said, Come, madam, answer me, by the oath you have taken: Are you married
or not?
My master smiled, to see me look so like a fool; and I said, Pray, Sir
Simon!--Ay, ay, said he; I thought you did not look so smirking upon us
for nothing.--Well, then, Pamela, said my master, since your blushes
discover you, don't be ashamed, but confess the truth!
Now, said Miss Darnford, I am quite angry; and, said Lady Darnford, I am
quite pleased; let me give you joy, dear madam, if it be so. And so they
all said, and saluted me all round.--I was vexed it was before Mrs.
Jewkes; for she shook her fat sides, and seemed highly pleased to be a
means of discovering it.
Nobody, said my master, wishes me joy. No, said Lady Jones, very
obligingly, nobody need; for, with such a peerless spouse, you want no
good wishes:--And he saluted them; and when he came last to me, said,
before them all, Now, my sweet bride, my Pamela, let me conclude with
you; for here I began to love, and here I desire to end loving, but not
till my life ends.
This was sweetly said, and taken great notice of; and it was doing credit
to his own generous choice, and vastly more than I merited.
But I was forced to stand many more jokes afterwards: For Sir Simon said,
several times, Come, come, madam, now you are become one of us, I shall
be a little less scrupulous than I have been, I'll assure you.
When we came in to dinner, I made no difficulty of what all offered me,
the upper end of the table; and performed the honours of it with pretty
tolerable presence of mind, considering. And, with much ado, my good
benefactor promising to be down again before winter, we got off the ball;
but appointed Tuesday evening, at Lady Darnford's, to take leave of all
this good company, who promised to be there, my master designing to set
out on Wednesday morning for Bedfordshire.
We had prayers in the little chapel, in the afternoon; but they all
wished for the good clerk again, with great encomiums upon you, my dear
father; and the company staid supper also, and departed exceeding well
satisfied, and with abundance of wishes for the continuance of our mutual
happiness; and my master desired Mr. Peters to answer for him to the
ringers at the town, if they should hear of it; till our return into this
country; and that then he would be bountiful to them, because he would
not publicly declare it till he had first done so in Bedfordshire.
Monday, the fifth day.
I have had very little of my dear friend's company this day; for he only
staid breakfast with me, and rode out to see a sick gentleman about
eighteen miles off, who begged (by a man and horse on purpose) to speak
with him, believing he should not recover, and upon part of whose estate
my master has a mortgage. He said, My dearest, I shall be very uneasy,
if I am obliged to tarry all night from you; but, lest you should be
alarmed, if I don't come home by ten, don't expect me: For poor Mr.
Carlton and I have pretty large concerns together; and if he should be
very ill, and would be comforted by my presence, (as I know he loves me,
and his family will be more in my power, if he dies, than I wish for,)
charity will not let me refuse.
It is now ten o'clock at night, and I fear he will not return. I fear,
for the sake of his poor sick friend, who, I doubt, is worse. Though I
know not the gentleman, I am sorry for his own sake, for his family's
sake, and for my dear master's sake, who, by his kind expressions, I
find, loves him: And, methinks, I should be sorry any grief should touch
his generous heart; though yet there is no living in this world, without
too many occasions for concern, even in the most prosperous state. And
it is fit it should be so; or else, poor wretches, as we are! we should
look no farther, but be like sensual travellers on a journey homeward,
who, meeting with good entertainment at some inn on the way, put up their
rest there, and never think of pursuing their journey to their proper
home.--This, I remember, was often a reflection of my good lady's, to
whom I owe it.
Eleven o'clock.
Mrs. Jewkes has been with me, and asked if I will have her for a bed-
fellow, in want of a better? I thanked her; but I said, I would see how
it was to be by myself one night.
I might have mentioned, that I made Mrs. Jewkes dine and sup with me; and
she was much pleased with it, and my behaviour to her. And I could see,
by her manner, that she was a little struck inwardly at some of her
former conduct to me. But, poor wretch! it is much, I fear, because I am
what I am; for she has otherwise very little remorse, I doubt. Her talk
and actions are entirely different from what they used to be, quite
circumspect and decent; and I should have thought her virtuous, and even
pious, had I never known her in another light.
By this we may see, my dear father and mother, of what force example is,
and what is in the power of the heads of families to do: And this shews,
that evil examples, in superiors, are doubly pernicious, and doubly
culpable, because such persons are bad themselves, and not only do no
good, but much harm to others; and the condemnation of such must, to be
sure, be so much the greater!--And how much the greater still must my
condemnation be, who have had such a religious education under you, and
been so well nurtured by my good lady, if I should forget, with all these
mercies heaped upon me, what belongs to the station I am preferred to!--O
how I long to be doing some good! For all that is past yet, is my dear,
dear master's, God bless him! and return him safe to my wishes! for
methinks, already, 'tis a week since I saw him. If my love would not be
troublesome and impertinent, I should be nothing else; for I have a true
grateful spirit; and I had need to have such a one, for I am poor in
every thing but will.
Tuesday morning, eleven o'clock.
My dear, dear--master (I'm sure I should still say; but I will learn to
rise to a softer epithet, now-and-then) is not yet come. I hope he is
safe and well!--So Mrs. Jewkes and I went to breakfast. But I can do
nothing but talk and think of him, and all his kindness to me, and to
you, which is still me, more intimately!--I have just received a letter
from him, which he wrote overnight, as I find by it, and sent early this
morning. This is a copy of it.
TO MRS. ANDREWS
'MY DEAREST PAMELA, Monday night.
'I hope my not coming home this night will not frighten you. You may
believe I can't help it. My poor friend is so very ill, that I doubt he
can't recover. His desires to have me stay with him are so strong, that
I shall sit up all night with him, as it is now near one o'clock in the
morning; for he can't bear me out of his sight: And I have made him and
his distressed wife and children so easy, in the kindest assurances I
could give him of my consideration for him and them, that I am looked
upon (as the poor disconsolate widow, as she, I doubt, will soon be,
tells me,) as their good angel. I could have wished we had not engaged
to the good neighbourhood at Sir Simon's for to-morrow night; but I am so
desirous to set out on Wednesday for the other house, that, as well as in
return for the civilities of so many good friends, who will be there on
purpose, I would not put it off. What I beg of you, therefore, my dear,
is, that you would go in the chariot to Sir Simon's, the sooner in the
day the better, because you will be diverted with the company, who all so
much admire you; and I hope to join you there by your tea-time in the
afternoon, which will be better than going home, and returning with you,
as it will be six miles difference to me; and I know the good company
will excuse my dress, on the occasion. I count every hour of this little
absence for a day: for I am, with the utmost sincerity,
'My dearest love, for ever yours, etc.'
'If you could go to dine with them, it will be a freedom that would be
very pleasing to them; and the more, as they don't expect it.'
I begin to have a little concern, lest his fatigue should be too great,
and for the poor sick gentleman and family; but told Mrs. Jewkes, that
the least intimation of his choice should be a command to me, and so I
would go to dinner there; and ordered the chariot to be got ready to
carry me: when a messenger came up, just as I was dressed, to tell her
she must come down immediately. I see at the window, that visitors are
come; for there is a chariot and six horses, the company gone out of it,
and three footmen on horseback; and I think the chariot has coronets.
Who can it be, I wonder?--But here I will stop, for I suppose I shall
soon know.
Good sirs! how unlucky this is! What shall I do!--Here is Lady Davers
come, her own self! and my kind protector a great, great many miles off!
--Mrs. Jewkes, out of breath, comes and tells me this, and says, she is
inquiring for my master and me. She asked her, it seemed, naughty lady
as she is, if I was whored yet! There's a word for a lady's mouth! Mrs.
Jewkes says, she knew not what to answer. And my lady said, She is not
married, I hope? And said she, I said, No: because you have not owned it
yet publicly. My lady said, That was well enough. Said I, I will run
away, Mrs. Jewkes; and let the chariot go to the bottom of the elm-walk,
and I will steal out of the door unperceived: But she is inquiring for
you, madam, replied she, and I said you was within, but going out; and
she said, she would see you presently, as soon as she could have
patience. What did she call me? said I. The creature, madam; I will see
the creature, said she, as soon as I can have patience. Ay, but, said I,
the creature won't let her, if she can help it.
Pray, Mrs. Jewkes, favour my escape, for this once; for I am sadly
frighted.--Said she, I'll bid the chariot go down, as you order, and wait
till you come; and I'll step down and shut the hall door, that you may
pass unobserved; for she sits cooling herself in the parlour, over
against the staircase. That's a good Mrs. Jewkes! said I: But who has
she with her? Her woman, answered she, and her nephew; but he came on
horseback, and is going into the stables; and they have three footmen.--
And I wish, said I, they were all three hundred miles off!--What shall I
do?--So I wrote thus far, and wait impatiently to hear the coast is
clear.
Mrs. Jewkes tells me I must come down, or she will come up. What does
she call me now? said I. Wench, madam, Bid the wench come down to me.
And her nephew and her woman are with her.
Said I, I can't go, and that's enough!--You might contrive it that I
might get out, if you would.--Indeed, madam, said she, I cannot; for I
went to shut the door, and she bid me let it stand open; and there she
sits over against the staircase. Then, said I, I'll get out of the
window, I think!--(And fanned myself;) for I am sadly frightened. Laud,
madam, said she, I wonder you so much disturb yourself!--You're on the
right side the hedge, I'm sure; and I would not be so discomposed for any
body. Ay, said I, but who can help constitution? I dare say you would
no more be so discomposed, that I can help it.--Said she, Indeed, madam,
if it was to me, I would put on an air as mistress of the house, as you
are, and go and salute her ladyship, and bid her welcome. Ay, ay,
replied I, fine talking!--But how unlucky this is, your good master is
not at home!
What answer shall I give her, said she, to her desiring to see you?--Tell
her, said I, I am sick a-bed; I'm dying, and must not be disturbed; I'm
gone out--or any thing.
But her woman came up to me just as I had uttered this, and said, How do
you do, Mrs. Pamela? My lady desires to speak to you. So I must go.--
Sure she won't beat me!--Oh that my dear protector was at home!
Well, now I will tell you all that happened in this frightful interview.
--And very bad it was.
I went down, dressed as I was, and my gloves on, and my fan in my hand,
to be just ready to step into the chariot, when I could get away; and I
thought all my trembling fits had been over now; but I was mistaken; for
I trembled sadly. Yet resolved to put on as good an air as I could.
So I went to the parlour, and said, making a very low courtesy, Your
servant, my good lady! And your servant again, said she, my lady, for I
think you are dressed out like one.
A charming girl, though! said her rakish nephew, and swore a great oath:
Dear aunt, forgive me, but I must kiss her; and was coming to me. And I
said, Forbear, uncivil gentleman! I won't be used freely. Jackey, said
my lady, sit down, and don't touch the creature--She's proud enough
already. There's a great difference in her air, I'll assure you, since I
saw her last.
Well, child, said she, sneeringly, how dost find thyself? Thou'rt
mightily come on, of late!--I hear strange reports about thee!--Thou'rt
almost got into fool's paradise, I doubt!--And wilt find thyself terribly
mistaken in a little while, if thou thinkest my brother will disgrace his
family, to humour thy baby-face!
I see, said I, sadly vexed, (her woman and nephew smiling by,) your
ladyship has no very important commands for me; and I beg leave to
withdraw. Beck, said she to her woman, shut the door, my young lady and
I must not have done so soon.
Where's your well-mannered deceiver gone, child?--says she.--Said I, When
your ladyship is pleased to speak intelligibly, I shall know how to
answer.
Well, but my dear child, said she, in drollery, don't be too pert
neither, I beseech thee. Thou wilt not find thy master's sister half so
ready to take thy freedoms, as thy mannerly master is!--So, a little of
that modesty and humility that my mother's waiting-maid used to shew,
will become thee better than the airs thou givest thyself, since my
mother's son has taught thee to forget thyself.
I would beg, said I, one favour of your ladyship, That if you would have
me keep my distance, you will not forget your own degree.--Why, suppose,
Miss Pert, I should forget my degree, wouldst thou not keep thy distance
then?
If you, madam, said I, lessen the distance yourself, you will descend to
my level, and make an equality, which I don't presume to think of; for I
can't descend lower than I am--at least in your ladyship's esteem!
Did I not tell you, Jackey, said she, that I should have a wit to talk
to?--He, who swears like a fine gentleman at every word, rapped out an
oath, and said, drolling, I think, Mrs. Pamela, if I may be so bold as to
say so, you should know you are speaking to Lady Davers!--Sir, said I, I
hope there was no need of your information, and so I can't thank you for
it; and am sorry you seem to think it wants an oath to convince me of the
truth of it.
He looked more foolish than I, at this, if possible, not expecting such a
reprimand.--And said, at last, Why, Mrs. Pamela, you put me half out of
countenance with your witty reproof!--Sir, said I, you seem quite a fine
gentleman; and it will not be easily done, I dare say.
How now, pert one, said my lady, do you know whom you talk to?--I think I
do not, madam, replied I: and for fear I should forget myself more, I'll
withdraw. Your ladyship's servant, said I; and was going: but she rose,
and gave me a push, and pulled a chair, and, setting the back against the
door, sat down in it.
Well, said I, I can bear anything at your ladyship's hands; but I was
ready to cry though. And I went, and sat down, and fanned myself, at the
other end of the room.
Her woman, who stood all the time, said softly, Mrs. Pamela, you should
not sit in my lady's presence. And my lady, though she did not hear her,
said, You shall sit down, child, in the room where I am, when I give you
leave.
So I stood up, and said, When your ladyship will hardly permit me to
stand, one might be indulged to sit down. But I ask you, said she,
Whither your master is gone? To one Mr. Carlton, madam, about eighteen
miles off, who is very sick. And when does he come home?--This evening,
madam. And where are you going? To a gentleman's house in the town,
madam.--And how was you to go? In the chariot, madam.--Why, you must be
a lady in time, to be sure!--I believe you'd become a chariot mighty
well, child!--Was you ever out in it with your master?
Pray, your ladyship, said I, a little too pertly, perhaps, be pleased to
ask half a dozen such questions together; because one answer may do for
all!--Why, bold-face, said she, you'll forget your distance, and bring me
to your level before my time.
I could no longer refrain tears, but said, Pray your ladyship, let me ask
what I have done, to be thus severely treated? I never did your ladyship
any harm. And if you think I am deceived, as you was pleased to hint, I
should be more entitled to your pity, than your anger.
She rose, and took me by the hand, and led me to her chair; and then sat
down; and still holding my hand, said, Why Pamela, I did indeed pity you
while I thought you innocent; and when my brother seized you, and brought
you down hither, without your consent, I was concerned for you; and I was
still more concerned for you, and loved you, when I heard of your virtue
and resistance, and your laudable efforts to get away from him. But
when, as I fear, you have suffered yourself to be prevailed upon, and
have lost your innocence, and added another to the number of the fools he
has ruined, (This shocked me a little,) I cannot help shewing my
displeasure to you.
Madam, replied I, I must beg no hasty judgment; I have not lost my
innocence.--Take care, take care, Pamela! said she: don't lose your
veracity, as well as your honour!--Why are you here, when you are at full
liberty to go whither you please?--I will make one proposal to you, and
if you are innocent, I am sure you'll accept it. Will you go and live
with me?--I will instantly set out with you in my chariot, and not stay
half an hour longer in this house, if you'll go with me.--Now, if you are
innocent, and willing to keep so, deny me, if you can.
I am innocent, madam, replied I, and willing to keep so; and yet I cannot
consent to this. Then, said she, very mannerly, Thou liest, child,
that's all: and I give thee up!
And so she arose, and walked about the room in great wrath. Her nephew
and her woman said, Your ladyship's very good; 'tis a plain case; a very
plain case!
I would have removed the chair, to have gone out; but her nephew came and
sat in it. This provoked me; for I thought I should be unworthy of the
honour I was raised to, though I was afraid to own it, if I did not shew
some spirit; and I said, What, sir, is your pretence in this house, to
keep me a prisoner here? Because, said he--I like it.--Do you so, sir?
replied I: if that is the answer of a gentleman to such an one as I, it
would not, I dare say, be the answer of a gentleman to a gentleman.--My
lady! my lady! said he, a challenge, a challenge, by gad! No, sir, said
I, I am of a sex that gives no challenges; and you think so too, or you
would not give this occasion for the word.
Said my lady, Don't be surprised, nephew; the wench could not talk thus,
if she had not been her master's bed-fellow.--Pamela, Pamela, said she,
and tapped me upon the shoulder two or three times, in anger, thou hast
lost thy innocence, girl; and thou hast got some of thy bold master's
assurance, and art fit to go any where.--Then, and please your ladyship,
said I, I am unworthy of your presence, and desire I may quit it.
No, replied she, I will know first what reason you can give for not
accepting my proposal, if you are innocent? I can give, said I, a very
good one: but I beg to be excused. I will hear it, said she. Why, then,
answered I, I should perhaps have less reason to like this gentleman,
than where I am.
Well then, said she, I'll put you to another trial. I'll set out this
moment with you to your father and mother, and give you up safe to them.
What do you say to that?--Ay, Mrs. Pamela, said her nephew, now what does
your innocence say to that?--'Fore gad, madam, you have puzzled her now.
Be pleased, madam, said I, to call off this fine gentleman. Your
kindness in these proposals makes me think you would not have me baited.
I'll be d----d, said he, if she does not make me a bull-dog! Why she'll
toss us all by and by! Sir, said I, you indeed behave as if you were in
a bear-garden.
Jackey, be quiet, said my lady. You only give her a pretence to evade my
questions. Come, answer me, Pamela. I will, madam, said I, and it is
thus: I have no occasion to be beholden to your ladyship for this honour;
for I am to set out to-morrow morning on the way to my parents.--Now
again thou liest, wench!--I am not of quality, said I, to answer such
language.--Once again, said she, provoke me not, by these reflections,
and this pertness; if thou dost, I shall do something by thee unworthy of
myself. That, thought I, you have done already; but I ventured not to
say so. But who is to carry you, said she, to your father and mother?
Who my master pleases, madam, said I. Ay, said she, I doubt not thou
wilt do every thing he pleases, if thou hast not already. Why now tell
me, Pamela, from thy heart, hast thou not been in bed with thy master?
Ha, wench!--I was quite shocked at this, and said, I wonder how your
ladyship can use me thus!--I am sure you can expect no answer; and my
sex, and my tender years, might exempt me from such treatment, from a
person of your ladyship's birth and quality, and who, be the distance
ever so great, is of the same sex with me.
Thou art a confident wench, said she, I see!--Pray, madam, said I, let me
beg you to permit me to go. I am waited for in the town, to dinner. No,
replied she, I can't spare you; and whomsoever you are to go to, will
excuse you, when they are told 'tis I that command you not to go;--and
you may excuse it too, young Lady Would-be, if you consider, that it is
the unexpected coming of your late lady's daughter, and your master's
sister, that commands your stay.
But a pre-engagement, your ladyship will consider, is something.--Ay, so
it is; but I know not what reason waiting-maids have to assume these airs
of pre-engagements! Oh, Pamela, Pamela, I am sorry for thy thus aping
thy betters, and giving thyself such airs: I see thou'rt quite spoiled!
Of a modest, innocent girl, that thou wast, and humble too, thou art now
fit for nothing in the world, but what I fear thou art.
Why, please your ladyship, said her kinsman, what signifies all you say?
The matter's over with her, no doubt; and she likes it; and she is in a
fairy-dream, and 'tis pity to awaken her before her dream's out.--Bad as
you take me to be, madam, said I, I am not used to such language or
reflections as this gentleman bestows upon me; and I won't bear it.
Well, Jackey, said she, be silent; and, shaking her head, Poor girl!--
said she--what a sweet innocence is here destroyed!--A thousand pities!--
I could cry over her, if that would do her good! But she is quite lost,
quite undone; and then has assumed a carriage upon it, that all those
creatures are distinguished by!
I cried sadly for vexation; and said, Say what you please, madam; if I
can help it, I will not answer another word.
Mrs. Jewkes came in, and asked if her ladyship was ready for dinner? She
said, Yes. I would have gone out with her but my lady said, taking my
hand, she could not spare me. And, miss, said she, you may pull off your
gloves, and lay your fan by, for you shan't go; and, if you behave well,
you shall wait upon me at dinner, and then I shall have a little further
talk with you.
Mrs. Jewkes said to me, Madam, may I speak one word with you?--I can't
tell, Mrs. Jewkes, said I; for my lady holds my hand, and you see I am a
kind of prisoner.
What you have to say, Mrs. Jewkes, said she, you may speak before me.
But she went out, and seemed vexed for me; and she says, I looked like
the very scarlet.
The cloth was laid in another parlour, and for three persons, and she led
me in: Come, my little dear, said she, with a sneer, I'll hand you in;
and I would have you think it as well as if it was my brother.
What a sad case, thought I, should I be in, if I were as naughty as she
thinks me! It was bad enough as it was.
Jackey, said my lady, come, let us go to dinner. She said to her woman,
Do you, Beck, help Pamela to 'tend us; we will have no men-fellows.--
Come, my young lady, shall I help you off with your white gloves? I have
not, madam, said I, deserved this at your ladyship's hands.
Mrs. Jewkes, coming in with the first dish, she said, Do you expect any
body else, Mrs. Jewkes, that you lay the cloth for three? said she, I
hoped your ladyship and madam would have been so well reconciled, that
she would have sat down too.--What means the clownish woman? said my
lady, in great disdain: Could you think the creature should sit down with
me? She does, madam, and please your ladyship, with my master.--I doubt
it not, good woman, said she, and lies with him too, does she not?
Answer me, fat-face!--How these ladies are privileged.
If she does, madam, said she, there may be a reason for it, perhaps! and
went out.--So! said she, has the wench got thee over too? Come, my
little dear, pull off thy gloves, I say; and off she pulled my left glove
herself, and spied my ring. O my dear God! said she, if the wench has
not got a ring!--Well, this is a pretty piece of foolery, indeed! Dost
know, my friend, that thou art miserably tricked? And so, poor innocent,
thou hast made a fine exchange, hast thou not? Thy honesty for this
bauble? And, I'll warrant, my little dear has topped her part, and
paraded it like any real wife; and so mimics still the condition!--Why,
said she, and turned me round, thou art as mincing as any bride! No
wonder thou art thus tricked out, and talkest of thy pre-engagements!
Pr'ythee, child, walk before me to that glass; survey thyself, and cone
back to me, that I may see how finely thou can'st act the theatrical part
given thee!
I was then resolved to try to be silent, although most sadly vexed.--So I
went and sat me down in the window, and she took her place at the upper
end of the table; and her saucy Jackey, fleering at me most provokingly,
sat down by her. Said he, Shall not the bride sit down by us, madam?
Ay, well thought of! said my lady: Pray, Mrs. Bride, your pardon for
sitting down in your place!--I said nothing.
Said she, with a poor pun, Thou hast some modesty, however, child! for
thou can'st not stand it, so must sit down, though in my presence!--I
still kept my seat, and said nothing.--Thought I, this is a sad thing,
that I am hindered too from shewing my duty where it is most due, and
shall have anger there too, may be, if my dear master should be there
before me!--So she ate some soup, as did her kinsman; and then, as she
was cutting up a fowl, said, If thou longest, my little dear, I will help
thee to a pinion, or breast, or any thing. But may be, child, said he,
thou likest the rump; shall I bring it thee? And then laughed like an
idiot, for all he is a lord's son, and may be a lord himself.--For he is
the son of Lord ----; and his mother, who was Lord Davers's sister, being
dead, he has received what education he has, from Lord Davers's
direction. Poor wretch! for all his greatness! he'll ne'er die for a
plot--at least of his own hatching. If I could then have gone up, I
would have given you his picture. But, for one of 25 or 26 years of age,
much about the age of my dear master, he is a most odd mortal.
Pamela, said my lady, help me to a glass of wine. No, Beck, said she,
you shan't; for she was offering to do it. I will have my lady bride
confer that honour upon me; and then I shall see if she can stand up. I
was silent, and never stirred.
Dost hear, chastity? said she, help me to a glass of wine, when I bid
thee.--What! not stir? Then I'll come and help thee to one. Still I
stirred not, and, fanning myself, continued silent. Said she, When I
have asked thee, meek-one, half a dozen questions together, I suppose
thou wilt answer them all at once! Pretty creature, is not that it?
I was so vexed, I bit a piece of my fan out, not knowing what I did; but
still I said nothing, and did nothing but flutter it, and fan myself.
I believe, said she, my next question will make up half a dozen; and
then, modest one, I shall be entitled to an answer.
He rose and brought the bottle and glass; Come, said he, Mrs. Bride, be
pleased to help my lady, and I will be your deputy. Sir, replied I, it
is in a good hand; help my lady yourself.--Why, creature, said she, dost
thou think thyself above it?--And then flew into a passion:--Insolence!
continued she, this moment, when I bid you, know your duty, and give me a
glass of wine; or--
So I took a little spirit then--Thought I, I can but be beat.--If, said
I, to attend your ladyship at table, or even kneel at your feet, was
required of me, I would most gladly do it, were I only the person you
think me; but, if it be to triumph over one who has received honours,
that she thinks require her to act another part, not to be utterly
unworthy of them, I must say, I cannot do it.
She seemed quite surprised, and looked now upon her kinsman, and then
upon her woman--I'm astonished--quite astonished!--Well, then, I suppose
you would have me conclude you my brother's wife; could you not?
Your ladyship, said I, compels me to say this!--Well, returned she, but
dost thou thyself think thou art so?--Silence, said her kinsman, gives
consent. 'Tis plain enough she does. Shall I rise, madam, and pay my
duty to my new aunt?
Tell me, said my lady, what, in the name of impudence, possesses thee to
dare to look upon thyself as my sister?--Madam, replied I, that is a
question will better become your most worthy brother to answer, than me.
She was rising in great wrath: but her woman said, Good your ladyship,
you'll do yourself more harm than her; and if the poor girl has been
deluded so, as you have heard, with the sham marriage, she'll be more
deserving of your ladyship's pity than anger. True, Beck, very true,
said my lady; but there's no bearing the impudence of the creature in the
mean time.
I would have gone out at the door, but her kinsman ran and set his back
against it. I expected bad treatment from her pride, and violent temper;
but this was worse than I could have thought of. And I said to him, Sir,
when my master comes to know your rude behaviour, you will, may be, have
cause to repent it: and went and sat down in the window again.
Another challenge, by gad! said he; but I am glad she says her master!--
You see, madam, she herself does not believe she is married, and so has
not been so much deluded as you think for: And, coming to me with a most
barbarous air of insult, he said, kneeling on one knee before me, My new
aunt, your blessing or your curse, I care not which; but quickly give me
one or other, that I may not lose my dinner!
I gave him a most contemptuous look: Tinselled toy, said I, (for he was
laced all over), twenty or thirty years hence, when you are at age, I
shall know how to answer you better; mean time, sport with your footman,
and not with me! and so I removed to another window nearer the door, and
he looked like a sad fool, as he is.
Beck, Beck, said my lady, this is not to be borne! Was ever the like
heard! Is my kinsman and Lord Davers's to be thus used by such a slut?
And was coming to me: And indeed I began to be afraid; for I have but a
poor heart, after all. But Mrs. Jewkes hearing high words, came in
again, with the second course, and said, Pray your ladyship, don't so
discompose yourself. I am afraid this day's business will make matters
wider than ever between your good ladyship and your brother: For my
master doats upon madam.
Woman, said she, do thou be silent! Sure, I that was born in this house,
may have some privilege in it, without being talked to by the saucy
servants in it!
I beg pardon, madam, replied Mrs. Jewkes; and, turning to me, said,
Madam, my master will take it very ill if you make him wait for you thus.
So I rose to go out; but my lady said, If it was only for that reason she
shan't go.--And went to the door and shut it, and said to Mrs. Jewkes,
Woman, don't come again till I call you; and coming to me, took my hand,
and said, Find your legs, miss, if you please.
I stood up, and she tapped my cheek! Oh, says she, that scarlet glow
shews what a rancorous little heart thou hast, if thou durst shew it! but
come this way; and so led me to her chair: Stand there, said she, and
answer me a few questions while I dine, and I'll dismiss thee, till I
call thy impudent master to account; and then I'll have you face to face,
and all this mystery of iniquity shall be unravelled; for, between you, I
will come to the bottom of it.
When she had sat down, I moved to the window on the other side of the
parlour, looking into the private garden; and her woman said, Mrs.
Pamela, don't make my lady angry. Stand by her ladyship, as she bids
you. Said I, Pray, good now, let it suffice you to attend your lady's
commands, and don't lay yours upon me.--Your pardon, sweet Mrs. Pamela,
said she. Times are much altered with you, I'll assure you! said I, Her
ladyship has a very good plea to be free in the house that she was born
in; but you may as well confine your freedoms to the house in which you
had your breedings. Why, how now, Mrs. Pamela, said she; since you
provoke me to it, I'll tell you a piece of my mind. Hush, hush, good
woman, said I, alluding to my lady's language to Mrs. Jewkes, my lady
wants not your assistance:--Besides, I can't scold!
The woman was ready to flutter with vexation; and Lord Jackey laughed as
if he would burst his sides: G--d d--n me, Beck, said he, you'd better
let her alone to my lady here for she'll be too many for twenty such as
you and I!--And then he laughed again, and repeated--I can't scold,
quoth-a! but, by gad, miss, you can speak d----d spiteful words, I can
tell you that!--Poor Beck, poor Beck!--'Fore gad, she's quite
dumbfoundered!
Well, but Pamela, said my lady, come hither, and tell me truly, Dost thou
think thyself really married?--Said I, and approached her chair, My good
lady, I'll answer all your commands, if you'll have patience with me, and
not be so angry as you are: But I can't bear to be used thus by this
gentleman, and your ladyship's woman. Child, said she, thou art very
impertinent to my kinsman; thou can'st not be civil to me; and my
ladyship's woman is much thy betters. But that's not the thing!--Dost
thou think thou art really married?
I see, madam, said I, you are resolved not to be pleased with any answer
I shall return: If I should say, I am not, then your ladyship will call
me hard names, and, perhaps, I should tell a fib. If I should say, I am,
your ladyship will ask, how I have the impudence to be so?--and will call
it a sham-marriage. I will, said she, be answered more directly. Why,
what, madam, does it signify what I think? Your ladyship will believe as
you please.
But can'st thou have the vanity, the pride, the folly, said she, to think
thyself actually married to my brother? He is no fool, child; and
libertine enough of conscience; and thou art not the first in the list of
his credulous harlots.--Well, well, said I, (and was in a sad flutter,)
as I am easy, and pleased with my lot, pray, madam, let me continue so,
as long as I can. It will be time enough for me to know the worst, when
the worst comes. And if it should be so bad, your ladyship should pity
me, rather than thus torment me before my time.
Well, said she, but dost not think I am concerned, that a young wench,
whom my poor dear mother loved so well, should thus cast herself away,
and suffer herself to be deluded and undone, after such a noble stand as
thou madst for so long a time?
I think myself far from being deluded and undone, and am as innocent and
virtuous as ever I was in my life. Thou liest, child, said she.
So your ladyship told me twice before.
She gave me a slap on the hand for this; and I made a low courtesy, and
said, I humbly thank your ladyship! but I could not refrain tears: And
added, Your dear brother, madam, however, won't thank your ladyship for
this usage of me, though I do. Come a little nearer me, my dear, said
she, and thou shalt have a little more than that to tell him of, if thou
think'st thou hast not made mischief enough already between a sister and
brother. But, child, if he was here, I would serve thee worse, and him
too. I wish he was, said I.--Dost thou threaten me, mischief-maker, and
insolent as thou art?
Now, pray, madam, said I, (but got to a little distance,) be pleased to
reflect upon all that you have said to me, since I have had the honour,
or rather misfortune, to come into your presence; whether you have said
one thing befitting your ladyship's degree to me, even supposing I was
the wench and the creature you imagine me to be?--Come hither, my pert
dear, replied she, come but within my reach for one moment, and I'll
answer thee as thou deservest.
To be sure she meant to box my ears. But I should not be worthy my happy
lot if I could not shew some spirit.
When the cloth was taken away, I said, I suppose I may now depart your
presence, madam? I suppose not, said she. Why, I'll lay thee a wager,
child, thy stomach's too full to eat, and so thou may'st fast till thy
mannerly master comes home.
Pray your ladyship, said her woman, let the poor girl sit down at table
with Mrs. Jewkes and me.--Said I, You are very kind, Mrs. Worden; but
times, as you said, are much altered with me; and I have been of late so
much honoured with better company, that I can't stoop to yours.
Was ever such confidence! said my lady.--Poor Beck! poor Beck! said her
kinsman; why she beats you quite out of the pit!--Will your ladyship,
said I, be so good as to tell me how long I am to tarry? For you'll
please to see by that letter, that I am obliged to attend my master's
commands. And so I gave her the dear gentleman's letter from Mr.
Carlton's, which I thought would make her use me better, as she might
judge by it of the honour done me by him. Ay, said she, this is my
worthy brother's hand. It is directed to Mrs. Andrews. That's to you, I
suppose, child? And so she ran on, making remarks as she went along, in
this manner:
My dearest PAMELA,--'Mighty well!'--I hope my not coming home this night,
will not frighten you!--'Vastly tender, indeed!--And did it frighten you,
child?'--You may believe I can't help it. 'No, to be sure!--A person in
thy way of life, is more tenderly used than an honest wife. But mark the
end of it!'--I could have wished--'Pr'ythee, Jackey, mind this,'--we--
'mind the significant we,'--had not engaged to the good neighbourhood, at
Sir Simon's, for to-morrow night.--'Why, does the good neighbourhood, and
does Sir Simon, permit thy visits, child? They shall have none of mine,
then, I'll assure them!'--But I am so desirous to set out on Wednesday
for the other house--'So, Jackey, but we just nicked it, I find:'--that,
as well as in return for the civilities of so many good friends, who will
be there on purpose, I would not put it off.--'Now mind, Jackey.'--What I
beg of you--'Mind the wretch, that could use me and your uncle as he has
done; he is turned beggar to this creature!'--I beg of you, therefore, my
dear--'My dear! there's for you!--I wish I may not be quite sick before I
get through.'--What I beg of you, therefore, my dear, [and then she
looked me full in the face,] is, that you will go in the chariot to Sir
Simon's, the sooner in the day the better;--'Dear heart! and why so, when
WE were not expected till night? Why, pray observe the reason--Hem!'
[said she]--Because you will be diverted with the company;--'Mighty kind,
indeed!'--who all--'Jackey, Jackey, mind this,'--who all so much admire
you. 'Now he'd ha' been hanged before he would have said so complaisant
a thing, had he been married, I'm sure!'--Very true, aunt, said he: A
plain case that!--[Thought I, that's hard upon poor matrimony, though I
hope my lady don't find it so. But I durst not speak out.]--Who all so
much admire you, [said she,] 'I must repeat that--Pretty miss!--I wish
thou wast as admirable for thy virtue, as for that baby-face of thine!'--
And I hope to join you there by your tea-time in the afternoon!--'So,
you're in very good time, child, an hour or two hence, to answer all your
important pre-engagements!'--which will be better than going home, and
returning with you; as it will be six miles difference to me; and I know
the good company will excuse my dress on this occasion.--'Very true; any
dress is good enough, I'm sure, for such company as admire thee, child,
for a companion, in thy ruined state!--Jackey, Jackey, mind, mind, again!
more fine things still!'--I count every hour of this little absence for a
day!--'There's for you! Let me repeat it'--I count every hour of this
little absence for a day!--'Mind, too, the wit of the good man! One may
see love is a new thing to him. Here is a very tedious time gone since
he saw his deary; no less than, according to his amorous calculation, a
dozen days and nights, at least! and yet, TEDIOUS as it is, it is but a
LITTLE ABSENCE. Well said, my good, accurate, and consistent brother!--
But wise men in love are always the greatest simpletons!--But now cones
the reason why this LITTLE ABSENCE, which, at the same time, is SO GREAT
an ABSENCE, is so tedious:'--FOR I am--'Ay, now for it!'--with the UTMOST
sincerity, my dearest love--'Out upon DEAREST love! I shall never love
the word again! Pray bid your uncle never call me dearest love,
Jackey!'--For ever yours!--'But, brother, thou liest!--Thou knowest thou
dost.--And so, my good Lady Andrews, or what shall I call you? Your
dearest love will be for ever yours! And hast thou the vanity to believe
this?--But stay, here is a postscript. The poor man knew not when to
have done to his dearest love.--He's sadly in for't, truly! Why, his
dearest love, you are mighty happy in such a lover!'--If you could go to
dine with them--'Cry you mercy, my dearest love, now comes the pre-
engagement!'--it will be a freedom that will be very pleasing to them,
and the more, as they don't expect it.
Well, so much for this kind letter! But you see you cannot honour this
admiring company with this little expected, and, but in complaisance to
his folly, I dare say, little desired freedom. And I cannot forbear
admiring you so much myself, my dearest love, that I will not spare you
at all, this whole evening: For 'tis a little hard, if thy master's
sister may not be blest a little bit with thy charming company.
So I found I had shewn her my letter to very little purpose, and repented
it several times, as she read on.--Well, then, said I, I hope your
ladyship will give me leave to send my excuses to your good brother, and
say, that your ladyship is come, and is so fond of me, that you will not
let me leave you.--Pretty creature, said she; and wantest thou thy good
master to come, and quarrel with his sister on thy account?--But thou
shalt not stir from my presence; and I would now ask thee, What it is
thou meanest by shewing me this letter?--Why, madam, said I, to shew your
ladyship how I was engaged for this day and evening.--And for nothing
else? said she. Why, I can't tell, madam, said I: But if you can collect
from it any other circumstances, I might hope I should not be the worse
treated.
I saw her eyes began to sparkle with passion: and she took my hand, and
said, grasping it very hard, I know, confident creature, that thou
shewedst it me to insult me!--You shewed it me, to let me see, that he
could be civiller to a beggar born, than to me, or to my good Lord
Davers!--You shewed it me, as if you'd have me to be as credulous a fool
as yourself, to believe your marriage true, when I know the whole trick
of it, and have reason to believe you do too; and you shewed it me, to
upbraid me with his stooping to such painted dirt, to the disgrace of a
family, ancient and untainted beyond most in the kingdom. And now will I
give thee one hundred guineas for one bold word, that I may fell thee at
my foot!
Was not this very dreadful! To be sure, I had better have kept the
letter from her. I was quite frightened!--And this fearful menace, and
her fiery eyes, and rageful countenance, made me lose all my courage.--So
I said, weeping, Good your ladyship, pity me!--Indeed I am honest; indeed
I am virtuous; indeed I would not do a bad thing for the world!
Though I know, said she, the whole trick of thy pretended marriage, and
thy foolish ring here, and all the rest of the wicked nonsense, yet I
should not have patience with thee, if thou shouldst but offer to let me
know thy vanity prompts thee to believe thou art married to my brother!--
I could not bear the thought!--So take care, Pamela; take care, beggarly
brat; take care.
Good madam, said I, spare my dear parents. They are honest and
industrious: they were once in a very creditable way, and never were
beggars. Misfortunes may attend any body: And I can bear the cruellest
imputations on myself, because I know my innocence; but upon such honest,
industrious parents, who went through the greatest trials, without being
beholden to any thing but God's blessing, and their own hard labour; I
cannot bear reflection.
What! art thou setting up for a family, creature as thou art! God give
me patience with thee! I suppose my brother's folly, and his wickedness,
together, will, in a little while, occasion a search at the heralds'
office, to set out thy wretched obscurity! Provoke me, I desire thou
wilt! One hundred guineas will I give thee, to say but thou thinkest
thou art married to my brother.
Your ladyship, I hope, won't kill me: And since nothing I can say will
please you, but your ladyship is resolved to quarrel with me; since I
must not say what I think, on one hand nor another; whatever your
ladyship designs by me, be pleased to do, and let me depart your
presence!
She gave me a slap on the hand, and reached to box my ear; but Mrs.
Jewkes hearkening without, and her woman too, they both came in at that
instant; and Mrs. Jewkes said, pushing herself in between us; Your
ladyship knows not what you do! Indeed you don't! My master would never
forgive me, if I suffered, in his house, one he so dearly loves, to be so
used; and it must not be, though you are Lady Davers. Her woman too
interposed, and told her, I was not worth her ladyship's anger. But she
was like a person beside herself.
I offered to go out, and Mrs. Jewkes took my hand to lead me out: But her
kinsman set his back against the door, and put his hand to his sword, and
said, I should not go, till his aunt permitted it. He drew it half-way,
and I was so terrified, that I cried out, Oh, the sword! the sword! and,
not knowing what I did, I ran to my lady herself, and clasped my arms
about her, forgetting, just then, how much she was my enemy, and said,
sinking on my knees, Defend me, good your ladyship! the sword! the
sword!--Mrs. Jewkes said, Oh! my lady will fall into fits! But Lady
Davers was herself so startled at the matter being carried so far, that
she did not mind her words, and said, Jackey, don't draw your sword!--You
see, as great as her spirit is, she can't bear that.
Come, said she, be comforted; he shan't frighten you!--I'll try to
overcome my anger, and will pity you. So, wench, rise up, and don't be
foolish. Mrs. Jewkes held her salts to my nose, and I did not faint.
And my lady said, Mrs. Jewkes, if you would be forgiven, leave Pamela and
me by ourselves; and, Jackey, do you withdraw; only you, Beck, stay.
So I sat down in the window, all in a sad fluster; for, to be sure, I was
sadly frightened.--Said her woman, You should not sit in my lady's
presence, Mrs. Pamela. Yes, let her sit till she is a little recovered
of her fright, said my lady, and do you set my chair by her. And so she
sat over-against me, and said, To be sure, Pamela, you have been very
provoking with your tongue, to be sure you have, as well upon my nephew,
(who is a man of quality too,) as me. And palliating her cruel usage,
and beginning, I suppose, to think herself she had carried it further
than she could answer it to her brother, she wanted to lay the fault upon
me. Own, said she, you have been very saucy; and beg my pardon, and beg
Jackey's pardon, and I will try to pity you. For you are a sweet girl,
after all; if you had but held out, and been honest.
'Tis injurious to me, madam, said I, to imagine I am not honest!--Said
she, Have you not been a-bed with my brother? tell me that. Your
ladyship, replied I, asks your questions in a strange way, and in strange
words.
O! your delicacy is wounded, I suppose, by my plain questions!--This
niceness will soon leave you, wench: It will, indeed. But answer me
directly. Then your ladyship's next question, said I, will be, Am I
married? And you won't bear my answer to that--and will beat me again.
I han't beat you yet; have I, Beck? said she. So you want to make out a
story, do you?--But, indeed, I can't bear thou shouldst so much as think
thou art my sister. I know the whole trick of it; and so, 'tis my
opinion, dost thou. It is only thy little cunning, that it might look
like a cloak to thy yielding, and get better terms from him. Pr'ythee,
pr'ythee, wench, thou seest I know the world a little;--almost as much at
thirty-two, as thou dost at sixteen.--Remember that!
I rose from the window, and walking to the other end of the room, Beat me
again, if you please, said I, but I must tell your ladyship, I scorn your
words, and am as much married as your ladyship!
At that she ran to me; but her woman interposed again: Let the vain
wicked creature go from your presence, madam, said she. She is not
worthy to be in it. She will but vex your ladyship. Stand away, Beck,
said she. That's an assertion that I would not take from my brother, I
can't bear it. As much married as I!--Is that to be borne? But if the
creature believes she is, madam, said her woman, she is to be as much
pitied for her credulity, as despised for her vanity.
I was in hopes to have slipt out at the door; but she caught hold of my
gown, and pulled me back. Pray your ladyship, said I, don't kill me!--I
have done no harm.--But she locked the door, and put the key in her
pocket. So, seeing Mrs. Jewkes before the window, I lifted up the sash,
and said, Mrs. Jewkes, I believe it would be best for the chariot to go
to your master, and let him know, that Lady Davers is here; and I cannot
leave her ladyship.
She was resolved to be displeased, let me say what I would.
Said she, No, no; he'll then think, that I make the creature my
companion, and know not how to part with her. I thought your ladyship,
replied I, could not have taken exceptions at this message. Thou knowest
nothing, wench, said she, of what belongs to people of condition: How
shouldst thou? Nor, thought I, do I desire it, at this rate.
What shall I say, madam? said I. Nothing at all, replied she; let him
expect his dearest love, and be disappointed; it is but adding a few more
hours, and he will make every one a day, in his amorous account.--Mrs.
Jewkes coming nearer me, and my lady walking about the room, being then
at the end, I whispered, Let Robert stay at the elms; I'll have a
struggle for't by and by.
As much married as I! repeated she.--The insolence of the creature!--And
so she walked about the room, talking to herself, to her woman, and now
and then to me; but seeing I could not please her, I thought I had better
be silent. And then it was, Am I not worthy an answer? If I speak, said
I, your ladyship is angry at me, though ever so respectfully; if I do
not, I cannot please: Would your ladyship tell me but how I shall oblige
you, and I would do it with all my heart.
Confess the truth, said she, that thou art an undone creature; hast been
in bed with thy master; and art sorry for it, and for the mischief thou
hast occasioned between him and me; and then I'll pity thee, and persuade
him to pack thee off, with a hundred or two of guineas; and some honest
farmer may take pity of thee, and patch up thy shame, for the sake of the
money; and if nobody will have thee, thou must vow penitence, and be as
humble as I once thought thee.
I was quite sick at heart, at all this passionate extravagance, and to be
hindered from being where was the desire of my soul, and afraid too of
incurring my dear master's displeasure; and, as I sat, I saw it was no
hard matter to get out of the window into the front yard, the parlour
being even with the yard, and so have a fair run for it; and after I had
seen my lady at the other end of the room again, in her walks, having not
pulled down the sash, when I spoke to Mrs. Jewkes, I got upon the seat,
and whipped out in a minute, and ran away as hard as I could drive, my
lady calling after me to return, and her woman at the other window: But
two of her servants appearing at her crying out, and she bidding them to
stop me, I said, Touch me at your peril, fellows! But their lady's
commands would have prevailed on them, had not Mr. Colbrand, who, it
seems, had been kindly ordered, by Mrs. Jewkes, to be within call, when
she saw how I was treated, come up, and put on one of his deadly fierce
looks, the only time, I thought, it ever became him, and said, He would
chine the man, that was his word, who offered to touch his lady; and so
he ran alongside of me; and I heard my lady say, The creature flies like
a bird! And, indeed, Mr. Colbrand, with his huge strides, could hardly
keep pace with me; and I never stopped, till I got to the chariot; and
Robert had got down, seeing me running at a distance, and held the door
in his hand, with the step ready down; and in I jumped, without touching
the step, saying, Drive me, drive me, as fast as you can, out of my
lady's reach! And he mounted; and Colbrand said, Don't be frightened,
madam; nobody shall hurt you.--And shut the door, and away Robert drove;
but I was quite out of breath, and did not recover it, and my fright, all
the way.
Mr. Colbrand was so kind, but I did not know it till the chariot stopped
at Sir Simon's, to step up behind the carriage, lest, as he said, my lady
should send after me; and he told Mrs. Jewkes, when he got home, that he
never saw such a runner as me in his life.
When the chariot stopped, which was not till six o'clock, so long did
this cruel lady keep me, Miss Darnford ran out to me: O madam, said she,
ten times welcome! but you'll be beat, I can tell you! for here has been
Mr. B---- come these two hours, and is very angry with you.
That's hard indeed, said I;--Indeed I can't afford it;--for I hardly knew
what I said, having not recovered my fright. Let me sit down, miss, any
where, said I; for I have been sadly off. So I sat down, and was quite
sick with the hurry of my spirits, and leaned upon her arm.
Said she, Your lord and master came in very moody; and when he had staid
an hour, and you not come, he began to fret, and said, He did not expect
so little complaisance from you. And he is now sat down, with great
persuasion, to a game at loo.--Come, you must make your appearance, lady
fair; for he is too sullen to attend you, I doubt.
You have no strangers, have you miss? said I.--Only two women relations
from Stamford, replied she, and an humble servant of one of them.--Only
all the world, miss! said I.--What shall I do, if he be angry? I can't
bear that.
Just as I had said so, came in Lady Darnford and Lady Jones to chide me,
as they said, for not coming sooner. And before I could speak, came in
my dear master. I ran to him. How dy'e Pamela? said he; and saluting
me, with a little more formality than I could well bear.--I expected half
a word from me, when I was so complaisant to your choice, would have
determined you, and that you'd have been here to dinner;--and the rather,
as I made my request a reasonable one, and what I thought would be
agreeable to you. O dear sir, said I, pray, pray, hear me, and you'll
pity me, and not be displeased! Mrs. Jewkes will tell you, that as soon
as I had your kind commands, I said, I would obey you, and come to dinner
with these good ladies; and so prepared myself instantly, with all the
pleasure in the world. Lady Darnford and miss said I was their dear!--
Look you, said miss, did I not tell you, stately one, that something must
have happened? But, O these tyrants! these men!
Why, what hindered it, my dear? said he: give yourself time; you seem out
of breath!--O sir, said I, out of breath! well I may!--For, just as I was
ready to come away, who should drive into the court-yard, but Lady
Davers!--Lady Davers! Nay, then, my sweet dear, said he, and saluted me
more tenderly, hast thou had a worse trial than I wish thee, from one of
the haughtiest women in England, though my sister!--For, she too, my
Pamela, was spoiled by my good mother!--But have you seen her?
Yes, sir, said I, and more than seen her!--Why sure, said he, she has not
had the insolence to strike my girl!--Sir, said I, but tell me you
forgive me; for indeed I could not come sooner; and these good ladies but
excuse me; and I'll tell you all another time; for to take up the good
company's attention now, will spoil their pleasantry, and be to them,
though more important to me, like the broken china you cautioned me
about.
That's a dear girl! said he; I see my hints are not thrown away upon you;
and I beg pardon for being angry with you; and, for the future, will stay
till I hear your defence, before I judge you. Said Miss Darnford, This
is a little better! To own a fault is some reparation; and what every
lordly husband will not do. He said, But tell me, my dear, did Lady
Davers offer you any incivility? O sir, replied I, she is your sister,
and I must not tell you all; but she has used me very severely! Did you
tell her, said he, you were married? Yes, sir, I did at last; but she
will have it 'tis a sham-marriage, and that I am a vile creature: and she
was ready to beat me, when I said so: for she could not have patience,
that I should be deemed her sister, as she said.
How unlucky it was, replied he, I was not at home?--Why did you not send
to me here? Send, sir! I was kept prisoner by force. They would not let
me stir, or do you think I would have been hindered from obeying you?
Nay, I told them, that I had a pre-engagement; but she ridiculed me, and
said, Waiting-maids talk of pre-engagements! And then I shewed her your
kind letter; and she made a thousand remarks upon it, and made me wish I
had not. In short, whatever I could do or say, there was no pleasing
her; and I was a creature and wench, and all that was naught. But you
must not be angry with her on my account.
Well, but, said he, I suppose she hardly asked you to dine with her; for
she came before dinner, I presume, if it was soon after you had received
my letter! No, sir, dine with my lady! no, indeed! Why, she would make
me wait at table upon her, with her woman, because she would not expose
herself and me before the men-servants; which you know, sir, was very
good of her ladyship.
Well, said he, but did you wait upon her? Would you have had me, sir?
said I.--Only, Pamela, replied he, if you did, and knew not what belonged
to your character, as my wife, I shall be very angry with you. Sir, said
I, I did not, but refused it, out of consideration to the dignity you
have raised me to; else, sir, I could have waited on my knees upon your
sister.
Now, said he, you confirm my opinion of your prudence and judgment. She
is an insolent woman, and shall dearly repent it. But, sir, she is to be
excused, because she won't believe I am indeed married; so don't be too
angry at her ladyship.
He said, Ladies, pray don't let us keep you from the company; I'll only
ask a question or two more, and attend you. Said Lady Jones, I so much
long to hear this story of poor madam's persecution, that, if it was not
improper, I should be glad to stay. Miss Darnford would stay for the
same reason; my master saying, He had no secrets to ask; and that it was
kind of them to interest themselves in my grievances.
But Lady Darnford went into the company, and told them the cause of my
detention; for, it seems, my dear master loved me too well, to keep to
himself the disappointment my not being here to receive him, was to him;
and they had all given the two Misses Boroughs and Mr. Perry, the
Stamford guests, such a character of me, that they said they were
impatient to see me.
Said my master, But, Pamela, you said they and them: Who had my sister
with her besides her woman? Her nephew, sir, and three footmen on
horseback; and she and her woman were in her chariot and six.
That's a sad coxcomb, said he: How did he behave to you?--Not
extraordinarily, sir; but I should not complain; for I was even with him;
because I thought I ought not to bear with him as with my lady.
By Heaven! said he, if I knew he behaved unhandsomely to my jewel, I'd
send him home to his uncle without his ears. Indeed, sir, returned I, I
was as hard upon him as he was upon me. Said he, 'Tis kind to say so;
but I believe I shall make them dearly repent their visit, if I find
their behaviour to call for my resentment.
But, sure, my dear, you might have got away when you went to your own
dinner? Indeed, sir, said I, her ladyship locked me in, and would not
let me stir.--So you ha'nt ate any dinner? No, indeed, sir, nor had a
stomach for any. My poor dear, said he. But then, how got you away at
last? O sir, replied I, I jumped out of the parlour window, and ran away
to the chariot, which had waited for me several hours, by the elm-walk,
from the time of my lady's coming (for I was just going, as I said); and
Mr. Colbrand conducted me through her servants, whom she called to, to
stop me; and was so kind to step behind the chariot, unknown to me, and
saw me safe here.
I'm sure, said he, these insolent creatures must have treated you vilely.
But tell me, what part did Mrs. Jewkes act in this affair? A very kind
part, sir, said I, in my behalf; and I shall thank her for it. Sweet
creature! said he, thou lovest to speak well of every body; but I hope
she deserves it; for she knew you were married.--But come, we'll now join
the company, and try to forget all you have suffered, for two or three
hours, that we may not tire the company with our concerns and resume the
subject as we go home: and you shall find I will do you justice, as I
ought. But you forgive me, sir, said I, and are not angry? Forgive you,
my dear! returned he--I hope you forgive me! I shall never make you
satisfaction for what you have suffered from me, and for me! And with
those words he led me into the company.
He very kindly presented me to the two stranger ladies, and the
gentleman, and them to me: and Sir Simon, who was at cards, rose from
table, and saluted me: Adad! madam, said he, I'm glad to see you here.
What, it seems you have been a prisoner! 'Twas well you was, or your
spouse and I should have sat in judgment upon you, and condemned you to a
fearful punishment for your first crime of laesae majestatis: (I had this
explained to me afterwards, as a sort of treason against my liege lord
and husband:) for we husbands hereabouts, said he, are resolved to turn
over a new leaf with our wives, and your lord and master shall shew us
the way, I can tell you that. But I see by your eyes, my sweet culprit,
added he, and your complexion, you have had sour sauce to your sweet
meat.
Miss Darnford said, I think we are obliged to our sweet guest, at last;
for she was forced to jump out at a window to come to us. Indeed! said
Mrs. Peters;--and my master's back being turned, says she, Lady Davers,
when a maiden, was always vastly passionate; but a very good lady when
her passion was over. And she'd make nothing of slapping her maids
about, and begging their pardons afterwards, if they took it patiently;
otherwise she used to say the creatures were even with her.
Ay, said I, I have been a many creatures and wenches, and I know not
what; for these were the names she gave me. And I thought I ought to act
up to the part her dear brother has given me; and so I have but just
escaped a good cuffing.
Miss Boroughs said to her sister, as I overheard, but she did not design
I should, What a sweet creature is this! and then she takes so little
upon her, is so free, so easy, and owns the honour done her, so
obligingly! said Mr. Perry, softly, The loveliest person I ever saw! Who
could have the heart to be angry with her one moment?
Says Miss Darnford, Here, my dearest neighbour, these gentry are admiring
you strangely; and Mr. Perry says, you are the loveliest lady he ever
saw; and he says it to his own mistress's face too, I'll assure you!--Or
else, says Miss Boroughs, I should think he much flattered me.
O, madam, you are exceedingly obliging! but your kind opinion ought to
teach me humility, and to reverence so generous a worth as can give a
preference against yourself, where it is so little due. Indeed, madam,
said Miss Nanny Boroughs, I love my sister well; but it would be a high
compliment to any lady, to be deemed worthy a second or third place after
you.
There is no answering such politeness, said I: I am sure Lady Davers was
very cruel to keep me from such company. 'Twas our loss, madam, says
Miss Darnford. I'll allow it, said I, in degree; for you have all been
deprived, several hours, of an humble admirer.
Mr. Perry said, I never before saw so young a lady shine forth with such
graces of mind and person. Alas! sir, said I, my master coming up, mine
is but a borrowed shine, like that of the moon. Here is the sun, to
whose fervent glow of generosity I owe all the faint lustre, that your
goodness is pleased to look upon with so much kind distinction.
Mr. Perry was pleased to hold up his hands; and the ladies looked upon
one another. And my master said, hearing part of the last sentence,
What's the pretty subject, that my Pamela is displaying so sweetly her
talents upon?
Oh! sir, said Mr. Perry, I will pronounce you the happiest man in
England: and so said they all.
My master said, most generously, Thank ye, thank ye, thank ye, all round,
my dear friends. I know not your subject; but if you believe me so, for
a single instance of this dear girl's goodness, what must I think myself,
when blessed with a thousand instances, and experiencing it in every
single act and word! I do assure you my Pamela's person, all lovely as
you see it, is far short of her mind: That, indeed, first attracted my
admiration, and made me her lover: but they were the beauties of her
mind, that made me her husband; and proud, my sweet dear, said he,
pressing my hand, am I of that title.
Well, said Mr. Perry, very kindly and politely, excellent as your lady
is, I know not the gentleman that could deserve her, but that one who
could say such just and such fine things.
I was all abashed; and took Miss Darnford's hand, and said, Save me, dear
miss, by your sweet example, from my rising pride. But could I deserve
half these kind things, what a happy creature should I be! said Miss
Darnford, You deserve them all, indeed you do.
The greatest part of the company having sat down to loo, my master being
pressed, said he would take one game at whist; but had rather be excused
too, having been up all night: and I asked how his friend did? We'll
talk of that, said he, another time; which, and his seriousness, made me
fear the poor gentleman was dead, as it proved.
We cast in, and Miss Boroughs and my master were together, and Mr. Perry
and I; and I had all four honours the first time, and we were up at one
deal. Said my master, An honourable hand, Pamela, should go with an
honourable heart; but you'd not have been up, if a knave had not been
one. Whist, sir, said Mr. Perry, you know, was a court game originally;
and the knave, I suppose, signified always the prime minister.
'Tis well, said my master, if now there is but one knave in a court, out
of four persons, take the court through.
The king and queen, sir, said Mr. Perry, can do no wrong, you know. So
there are two that must be good out of four; and the ace seems too plain
a card to mean much hurt.
We compliment the king, said my master, in that manner; and 'tis well to
do so, because there is something sacred in the character. But yet, if
force of example be considered, it is going a great way; for certainly a
good master makes a good servant, generally speaking.
One thing, added he, I will say, in regard to the ace: I have always
looked upon that plain and honest looking card in the light you do: and
have considered whist as an English game in its original; which has made
me fonder of it than of any other. For by the ace I have always thought
the laws of the land denoted; and as the ace is above the king or queen,
and wins them, I think the law should be thought so too; though, may be,
I shall be deemed a Whig for my opinion.
I shall never play whist, said Mr. Perry, without thinking of this, and
shall love the game the better for the thought; though I am no party-man.
Nor I, said my master; for I think the distinctions of whig and tory
odious; and love the one or the other only as they are honest and worthy
men; and have never (nor never shall, hope) given a vote, but according
to what I thought was for the public good, let either whig or tory
propose it.
I wish, sir, replied Mr. Perry, all gentlemen in your station would act
so. If there was no undue influence, said my master, I am willing to
think so well of all mankind, that I believe they generally would.
But you see, said he, by my Pamela's hand, when all the court-cards get
together, and are acted by one mind, the game is usually turned
accordingly: Though now and then, too, it may be so circumstanced, that
honours will do them no good, and they are forced to depend altogether
upon tricks.
I thought this way of talking prettier than the game itself. But I said,
Though I have won the game, I hope I am no trickster. No, said my
master, God forbid but court-cards should sometimes win with honour! But
you see, for all that, your game is as much owing to the knave as the
king; and you, my fair-one, lost no advantage, when it was put into your
power.
Else, sir, said I, I should not have done justice to my partner. You are
certainly right, Pamela, replied he; though you thereby beat your
husband. Sir, said I, you may be my partner next, and I must do justice,
you know. Well, said he, always choose so worthy a friend, as chance has
given you for a partner, and I shall never find fault with you, do what
you will.
Mr. Perry said, You are very good to me, sir; and Miss Boroughs, I
observed, seemed pleased with the compliment to her humble servant; by
which I saw she esteemed him, as he appears to deserve. Dear sir! said
I, how much better is this, than to be locked in by Lady Davers!
The supper was brought in sooner on my account, because I had had no
dinner; and there passed very agreeable compliments on the occasion.
Lady Darnford would help me first, because I had so long fasted, as she
said. Sir Simon would have placed himself next me: And my master said,
He thought it was best, where there was an equal number of ladies and
gentlemen, that they should sit, intermingled, that the gentlemen might
be employed in helping and serving the ladies. Lady Darnford said, She
hoped Sir Simon would not sit above any ladies at his own table
especially. Well, said he, I shall sit over-against her, however, and
that's as well.
My dearest sir could not keep his eyes off me, and seemed generously
delighted with all I did, and all I said; and every one was pleased to
see his kind and affectionate behaviour to me.
Lady Jones brought up the discourse about Lady Davers again; and my
master said, I fear, Pamela, you have been hardly used, more than you'll
say. I know my sister's passionate temper too well, to believe she could
be over-civil to you, especially as it happened so unluckily that I was
out. If, added he, she had no pique to you, my dear, yet what has passed
between her and me, has so exasperated her, that I know she would have
quarrelled with my horse, if she had thought I valued it, and nobody else
was in her way. Dear sir, said I, don't say so of good Lady Davers.
Why, my dear, said he, I know she came on purpose to quarrel; and had she
not found herself under a very violent uneasiness, after what had passed
between us, and my treatment of her lord's letter, she would not have
offered to come near me. What sort of language had she for me, Pamela?
O sir, very good, only her well-mannered brother, and such as that!
Only, said he, 'tis taking up the attention of the company disagreeably,
or I could tell you almost every word she said. Lady Jones wished to
hear a further account of my lady's conduct, and most of the company
joined with her, particularly Mrs. Peters; who said, that as they knew
the story, and Lady Davers's temper, though she was very good in the
main, they could wish to be so agreeably entertained, if he and I
pleased; because they imagined I should have no difficulties after this.
Tell me, then, Pamela, said he, did she lift up her hand at you? Did she
strike you? But I hope not! A little slap of the hand, said I, or so.--
Insolent woman! She did not, I hope, offer to strike your face? Why,
said I, I was a little saucy once or twice; and she would have given me a
cuff on the ear, if her woman and Mrs. Jewkes had not interposed. Why
did you not come out at the door? Because, said I, her ladyship sat in
the chair against it, one while, and another while locked it; else I
offered several times to get away.
She knew I expected you here: You say, you shewed her my letter to you?
Yes, sir, said I; but I had better not; for she as then more exasperated,
and made strange comments upon it. I doubt it not, said he; but, did she
not see, by the kind epithets in it, that there was no room to doubt of
our being married? O, sir, replied I, and made the company smile, she
said, For that very reason she was sure I was not married.
That's like my sister! said he; exactly like her; and yet she lives very
happily herself: for her poor lord never contradicts her. Indeed he
dares not.
You were a great many wenches, were you not, my dear? for that's a great
word with her.--Yes, sir, said I, wenches and creatures out of number;
and worse than all that. What? tell me, my dear. Sir, said I, I must
not have you angry with Lady Davers; while you are so good to me, 'tis
all nothing; only the trouble I have that I cannot be suffered to shew
how much I honoured her ladyship, as your sister.
Well, said he, you need not be afraid to tell me: I must love her after
all; though I shall not be pleased with her on this occasion. I know it
is her love for me, though thus oddly expressed, that makes her so
uneasy: and, after all, she comes, I'm sure, to be reconciled to me;
though it must be through a good hearty quarrel first: for she can shew a
good deal of sunshine; but it must be always after a storm; and I'll love
her dearly, if she has not been, and will not be, too hard upon my
dearest.
Mr. Peters said, Sir, you are very good, and very kind; I love to see
this complaisance to your sister, though she be in fault, so long as you
can shew it with so much justice to the sweetest innocence and merit in
the world. By all that's good, Mr. Peters, said he, I'd present my
sister with a thousand pounds, if she would kindly take my dear Pamela by
the hand, and wish her joy, and call her sister!--And yet I should be
unworthy of the dear creature that smiles upon me there, if it was not
principally for her sake, and the pleasure it would give her, that I say
this: for I will never be thoroughly reconciled to my sister till she
does; for I most sincerely think, as to myself, that my dear wife, there
she sits, does me more honour in her new relation, than she receives
from me.
Sir, said I, I am overwhelmed with your goodness!--And my eyes were
filled with tears of joy and gratitude: and all the company with one
voice blessed him. And Lady Jones was pleased to say, The behaviour of
you two happy ones, to each other, is the most edifying I ever knew. I
am always improved when I see you. How happy would every good lady be
with such a gentleman, and every good gentleman with such a lady!--In
short, you seem made for one another.
O madam, said I, you are so kind, so good to me, that I know not how to
thank you enough!--Said she, You deserve more than I can express; for, to
all that know your story, you are a matchless person. You are an
ornament to our sex and your virtue, though Mr. B---- is so generous as
he is, has met with no more than its due reward. God long bless you
together!
You are, said my dearest sir, very good to me, madam, I am sure. I have
taken liberties in my former life, that deserved not so much excellence.
I have offended extremely, by trials glorious to my Pamela, but
disgraceful to me, against a virtue that I now consider as almost sacred;
and I shall not think I deserve her, till I can bring my manners, my
sentiments, and my actions, to a conformity with her own. In short, my
Pamela, continued he, I want you to be nothing but what you are, and have
been. You cannot be better; and if you could, it would be but filling me
with despair to attain the awful heights of virtue at which you have
arrived. Perhaps, added the dear gentleman, the scene I have beheld
within these twelve hours, has made me more serious than otherwise I
should have been: but I'll assure you, before all this good company, I
speak the sentiments of my heart, and those not of this day only.
What a happy daughter is yours, O my dear father and mother! I owe it
all to God's grace, and to yours and my good lady's instructions: And to
these let me always look back with grateful acknowledgments, that I may
not impute to myself, and be proud, my inexpressible happiness.
The company were so kindly pleased with our concern, and my dear master's
goodness, that he, observing their indulgence, and being himself curious
to know the further particulars of what had passed between my lady and
me, repeated his question, What she had called me besides wench and
creature? And I said, My lady, supposing I was wicked, lamented over me,
very kindly, my depravity and fall, and said, What a thousand pities it
was, so much virtue, as she was pleased to say, was so destroyed; and
that I had yielded, after so noble a stand! as she said.
Excuse me, gentlemen and ladies, said I! you know my story, it seems; and
I am commanded, by one who has a title to all my obedience, to proceed.
They gave all of them bows of approbation, that they might not interrupt
me; and I continued my story--the men-servants withdrawing, at a motion
of Mr. B----, on my looking towards them: and then, at Lady Darnford's
coming in, I proceeded.
I told her ladyship, that I was still innocent, and would be so, and it
was injurious to suppose me otherwise. Why, tell me, wench, said she--
But I think I must not tell you what she said. Yes, do, said my master,
to clear my sister; we shall think it very bad else.
I held my hand before my face--Why, she said, Tell me, wench, hast thou
not been--hesitating--a very free creature with thy master? That she
said, or to that effect--And when I said, She asked strange questions,
and in strange words, she ridiculed my delicacy, as she called it; and
said, My niceness would not last long. She said, I must know I was not
really married, that my ring was only a sham, and all was my cunning to
cloak my yielding, and get better terms. She said, She knew the world as
much at thirty-two, as I did at sixteen; and bid me remember that.
I took the liberty to say, (but I got a good way off,) that I scorned her
ladyship's words, and was as much married as her ladyship. And then I
had certainly been cuffed, if her woman had not interposed, and told her
I was not worthy her anger; and that I was as much to be pitied for my
credulity, as despised for my vanity.
My poor Pamela, said my master, this was too, too hard upon you! O sir,
said I, how much easier it was to me than if it had been so!--That would
have broken my heart quite!--For then I should have deserved it all, and
worse; and these reproaches, added to my own guilt, would have made me
truly wretched!
Lady Darnford, at whose right-hand I sat, kissed me with a kind of
rapture, and called me a sweet exemplar for all my sex. Mr. Peters said
very handsome things; so did Mr. Perry and Sir Simon, with tears in his
eyes, said to my master, Why, neighbour, neighbour, this is excellent, by
my troth. I believe there is something in virtue, that we had not well
considered. On my soul, there has been but one angel come down for these
thousand years, and you have got her.
Well, my dearest, said my master, pray proceed with your story until, we
have done supper, since the ladies seem pleased with it. Why, sir, said
I, her ladyship went on in the same manner; but said, one time, (and held
me by the hand,) she would give me an hundred guineas for one provoking
word; or, if I would but say I believed myself married, that she might
fell me at her foot: But, sir, you must not be angry with her ladyship.
She called me painted dirt, baby-face, waiting-maid, beggar's brat, and
beggar-born; but I said, As long as I knew my innocence, I was easy in
every thing, but to have my dear parents abused. They were never
beggars, nor beholden to any body; nor to any thing but God's grace and
their own labour; that they once lived in credit; that misfortunes might
befall any body; and that I could not bear they should be treated so
undeservedly.
Then her ladyship said, Ay, she supposed my master's folly would make us
set up for a family, and that the heralds' office would shortly be
searched to make it out.
Exactly my sister again! said he. So you could not please her any way?
No, indeed, sir. When she commanded me to fill her a glass of wine, and
would not let her woman do it, she asked, If I was above it? I then
said, If to attend your ladyship at table, or even kneel at your feet,
was required of me, I would most gladly do it, were I only the person you
think me. But if it be to triumph over one, who has received honours
which she thinks require from her another part, that she may not be
utterly unworthy of them, I must say, I cannot do it. This quite
astonished her ladyship; and a little before, her kinsman brought me the
bottle and glass, and required me to fill it for my lady, at her command,
and called himself my deputy: And I said, 'Tis in a good hand; help my
lady yourself. So, sir, added I, you see I could be a little saucy upon
occasion.
You please me well, my Pamela, said he. This was quite right. But
proceed.
Her ladyship said, She was astonished! adding, She supposed I would have
her look upon me as her brother's wife: And asked me, What, in the name
of impudence, possessed me, to dare to look upon myself as her sister?
And I said, That was a question better became her most worthy brother to
answer, than me. And then I thought I should have had her ladyship upon
me; but her woman interposed.
I afterwards told Mrs. Jewkes, at the window, that since I was hindered
from going to you, I believed it was best to let Robert go with the
chariot, and say, Lady Davers was come, and I could not leave her
ladyship. But this did not please; and I thought it would too; for she
said, No, no, he'll think I make the creature my companion, and know not
how to part with her.
Exactly, said he, my sister again.
And she said, I knew nothing what belonged to people of condition; how
should I?--What shall I say, madam? said I. Nothing at all, answered
she; let him expect his dearest love, alluding to your kind epithet in
your letter, and be disappointed; it is but adding a few more hours to
this heavy absence, and every one will become a day in his amorous
account.
So, to be short, I saw nothing was to be done; and I feared, sir, you
would wonder at my stay, and be angry; and I watched my opportunity, till
my lady, who was walking about the room, was at the further end; and the
parlour being a ground-floor, in a manner, I jumped out at the window,
and ran for it.
Her ladyship called after me; so did her woman; and I heard her say, I
flew like a bird; and she called two of her servants in sight to stop me;
but I said, Touch me at your peril, fellows! And Mr. Colbrand, having
been planted at hand by Mrs. Jewkes, (who was very good in the whole
affair, and incurred her ladyship's displeasure, once or twice, by taking
my part,) seeing how I was used, put on a fierce look, cocked his hat
with one hand, and put t'other on his sword, and said, he would chine the
man who offered to touch his lady. And so he ran alongside of me, and
could hardly keep pace with me:--And here, my dear sir, concluded I, I
am, at yours and the good company's service.
They seemed highly pleased with my relation; and my master said, he was
glad Mrs. Jewkes behaved so well, as also Mr. Colbrand. Yes, sir, said
I: when Mrs. Jewkes interposed once, her ladyship said, It was hard, she,
who was born in that house, could not have some privilege in it, without
being talked to by the saucy servants. And she called her another time
fat-face, and womaned her most violently.
Well, said my master, I am glad, my dear, you have had such an escape.
My sister was always passionate, as Mrs. Peters knows: And my poor mother
had enough to do with us both. For we neither of us wanted spirit: and
when I was a boy, I never came home from school or college for a few
days, but though we longed to see one another before, yet ere the first
day was over, we had a quarrel; for she, being seven years older than I,
was always for domineering over me, and I could not bear it. And I used,
on her frequently quarrelling with the maids, and being always at a word
and a blow, to call her Captain Bab; for her name is Barbara. And when
my Lord Davers courted her, my poor mother has made up quarrels between
them three times in a day; and I used to tell her, she would certainly
beat her husband, marry whom she would, if he did not beat her first, and
break her spirit.
Yet has she, continued he, very good qualities. She was a dutiful
daughter, is a good wife; she is bountiful to her servants, firm in her
friendships, charitable to the poor, and, I believe, never any sister
better loved a brother, than she me: and yet she always loved to vex and
tease me; and as I would bear a resentment longer than she, she'd be one
moment the most provoking creature in the world, and the next would do
any thing to be forgiven; and I have made her, when she was the
aggressor, follow me all over the house and garden to be upon good terms
with me.
But this case piques her more, because she had found out a match for me
in the family of a person of quality, and had set her heart upon bringing
it to effect, and had even proceeded far in it, without my knowledge, and
brought me into the lady's company, unknowing of her design. But I was
then averse to matrimony upon any terms; and was angry at her proceeding
in it so far without my privity or encouragement: And she cannot, for
this reason, bear the thoughts of my being now married, and to her
mother's waiting-maid too, as she reminds my dear Pamela, when I had
declined her proposal with the daughter of a noble earl.
This is the whole case, said he; and, allowing for the pride and violence
of her spirit, and that she knows not, as I do, the transcendent
excellencies of my dear Pamela, and that all her view, in her own
conception, is mine and the family honour, she is a little to be allowed
for: Though, never fear, my Pamela, but that I, who never had a struggle
with her, wherein I did not get the better, will do you justice, and
myself too.
This account of Lady Davers pleased every body, and was far from being to
her ladyship's disadvantage in the main; and I would do any thing in the
world to have the honour to be in her good graces: Yet I fear it will not
be easily, if at all, effected. But I will proceed.
After supper, nothing would serve Miss Darnford and Miss Boroughs, but we
must have a dance; and Mr. Peters, who plays a good fiddle, urged it
forward. My dear master, though in a riding-dress, took out Miss
Boroughs.
Sir Simon, for a man of his years, danced well, and took me out; but put
on one of his free jokes, that I was fitter to dance with a younger man;
and he would have it, (though I had not danced since my dear lady's death
to signify, except once or twice to please Mrs. Jervis, and, indeed,
believed all my dancing days over,) that as my master and I were the best
dancers, we should dance once together, before folks, as the odd
gentleman said; and my dear sir was pleased to oblige him: And afterwards
danced with Miss Darnford, who has much more skill and judgment than I;
though they compliment me with an easier shape and air.
We left the company with great difficulty at about eleven, my dear master
having been up all night before, and we being at the greatest distance
from home; though they seemed inclinable not to break up so soon, as they
were neighbours; and the ladies said, They longed to hear what would be
the end of Lady Davers's interview with her brother.
My master said, He feared we must not now think of going next day to
Bedfordshire, as we had intended; and perhaps might see them again. And
so we took leave, and set out for home; where we arrived not till twelve
o'clock; and found Lady Davers had gone to bed about eleven, wanting
sadly that we should come home first; but so did not I.
Mrs. Jewkes told us, That my lady was sadly fretted that I had got away
so; and seemed a little apprehensive of what I would say of the usage I
had received from her. She asked Mrs. Jewkes, if she thought I was
really married? And Mrs. Jewkes telling her yes, she fell into a
passion, and said, Begone, bold woman, I cannot bear thee! See not my
face till I send for thee! Thou hast been very impudent to me once or
twice to-day already, and art now worse than ever. She said, She would
not have told her ladyship, if she had not asked her; and was sorry she
had offended.
She sent for her at supper time: Said she, I have another question to ask
thee, woman, and tell me yes, if thou darest. Was ever any thing so
odd?--Why then, said Mrs. Jewkes, I will say No, before your ladyship
speaks.--My master laughed: Poor woman! said he.--She called her
insolent, and assurance; and said, Begone, bold woman as thou art!--but
come hither. Dost thou know if that young harlot is to be with my
brother to-night?
She said she knew not what to answer, because she had threatened her if
she said yes. But at last my lady said, I will know the bottom of this
iniquity. I suppose they won't have so much impudence to be together
while I'm in the house; but I dare say they have been bed-fellows.
Said she, I will lie to-night in the room I was born in; so get that bed
ready. That room being our bedchamber, Mrs. Jewkes, after some
hesitation, replied, Madam, my master lies there, and has the key. I
believe, woman, said she, thou tellest me a story. Indeed, madam, said
she, he does; and has some papers there he will let nobody see; for Mrs.
Jewkes said, she feared she would beat her if she went up, and found by
my clothes, and some of my master's, how it was.
So she said, I will then lie in the best room, as it is called; and
Jackey shall lie in the little green room adjoining to it. Has thy
master got the keys of those?--No, madam, said Mrs. Jewkes: I will order
them to be made ready for your ladyship.
And where dost thou lay they pursy sides? said she. Up two pair of
stairs, madam, next the garden. And where lies the young harlotry?
continued she. Sometimes with me, madam, said she. And sometimes with
thy virtuous master, I suppose? said my lady.--Ha, woman! what sayest
thou? I must not speak, said Mrs. Jewkes. Well, thou mayest go, said
she; but thou hast the air of a secret keeper of that sort I dare say
thoul't set the good work forward most cordially. Poor Mrs. Jewkes, said
my master, and laughed most heartily.
This talk we had whilst we were undressing. So she and her woman lay
together in the room my master lay in before I was happy.
I said, Dear sir, pray, in the morning let me lock myself up in the
closet, as soon as you rise; and not be called down for ever so much; for
I am afraid to see her ladyship: And I will employ myself about my
journal, while these things are in my head. Don't be afraid, my dear,
said he: Am not I with you?
Mrs. Jewkes pitied me for what I had undergone in the day; and I said, We
won't make the worst of it to my dear master, because we won't exasperate
where we would reconcile: but, added I, I am much obliged to you, Mrs.
Jewkes, and I thank you. Said my master, I hope she did not beat your
lady, Mrs. Jewkes? Not much, sir, said she; but I believe I saved my
lady once: Yet, added she, I was most vexed at the young lord. Ay, Mrs.
Jewkes, said my master, let me know his behaviour. I can chastise him,
though I cannot my sister, who is a woman; let me therefore know the part
he acted.
Nothing, my dear sir, said I, but impertinence, if I may so say, and
foolishness, that was very provoking; but I spared him not; and so there
is no room, sir, for your anger. No, sir, said Mrs. Jewkes, nothing else
indeed.
How was her woman? said my master. Pretty impertinent, replied Mrs.
Jewkes, as ladies' women will be. But, said I, you know she saved me
once or twice. Very true, madam, returned Mrs. Jewkes. And she said to
me at table, that you were a sweet creature; she never saw your equal;
but that you had a spirit; and she was sorry you answered her lady so,
who never bore so much contradiction before. I told her, added Mrs.
Jewkes, that if I was in your ladyship's place, I should have taken much
more upon me, and that you were all sweetness. And she said, I was got
over, she saw.
Tuesday morning, the sixth of my happiness.
My master had said to Mrs. Jewkes, that he should not rise till eight or
nine, as he had sat up all the night before: but it seems, my lady,
knowing he usually rose about six, got up soon after that hour; raised
her woman and her nephew; having a whimsical scheme in her head, to try
to find whether we were in bed together: And, about half an hour after
six, she rapped at our chamber door.
My master was waked at the noise, and asked, Who was there? Open the
door, said she; open it this minute! I said, clinging about his neck,
Dear, dear sir, pray, pray don't!--O save me, save me! Don't fear,
Pamela, said he. The woman's mad, I believe.
But he called out; Who are you? What do you want?--You know my voice
well enough, said she:--I will come in.--Pray, sir, said I, don't let her
ladyship in.--Don't be frightened, my dear, said he; she thinks we are
not married, and are afraid to be found a-bed together. I'll let her in;
but she shan't come near my dearest.
So he slipt out of bed, and putting on some of his clothes, and gown and
slippers, he said, What bold body dare disturb my repose thus? and opened
the door. In rushed she: I'll see your wickedness, said she, I will! In
vain shall you think to hide it from me.--What should I hide? said he.
How dare you set a foot into my house, after the usage I have received
from you?--I had covered myself over head and ears, and trembled every
joint. He looked, and 'spied her woman and kinsman in the room, she
crying out, Bear witness, Jackey; bear witness, Beck; the creature is now
in his bed! And not seeing the young gentleman before, who was at the
feet of the bed, he said, How now, sir? What's your business in this
apartment? Begone this moment!--And he went away directly.
Beck, said my lady, you see the creature is in his bed. I do, madam,
answered she. My master came to me, and said, Ay, look, Beck, and bear
witness: Here is my Pamela!--My dear angel, my lovely creature, don't be
afraid; look up, and see how frantickly this woman of quality behaves.
At that, I just peeped, and saw my lady, who could not bear this, coming
to me; and she said, Wicked abandoned wretch! Vile brother, to brave me
thus! I'll tear the creature out of bed before your face, and expose you
both as you deserve.
At that he took her in his arms, as if she had been nothing; and carrying
her out of the room, she cried out, Beck! Beck! help me, Beck! the wretch
is going to fling me down stairs! Her woman ran to him, and said, Good
sir, for Heaven's sake do no violence to my lady! Her ladyship has been
ill all night.
He sat her down in the chamber she lay in, and she could not speak for
passion. Take care of your lady, said he; and when she has rendered
herself more worthy of my attention, I'll see her; till then, at her
peril, and yours too, come not near my apartment. And so he came to me,
and, with all the sweet soothing words in the world, pacified my fears,
and gave me leave to go to write in my closet, as soon as my fright was
over, and to stay there till things were more calm. And so he dressed
himself, and went out of the chamber, permitting me, at my desire, to
fasten the door after him.
At breakfast-time my master tapped at the door, and I said, Who's there?
I, my dearest, said he. Oh! then, replied I, I will open it with
pleasure. I had written on a good deal; but I put it by, when I ran to
the door. I would have locked it again, when he was in; but he said, Am
not I here? Don't be afraid. Said he, Will you come down to breakfast,
my love? O no, dear sir, said I; be pleased to excuse me! said he, I
cannot bear the look of it, that the mistress of my house should
breakfast in her closet, as if she durst not come down, and I at home!--
O, dearest sir, replied I, pray pass that over, for my sake; and don't
let my presence aggravate your sister, for a kind punctilio! Then, my
dear, said he, I will breakfast with you here. No, pray, dear sir,
answered I, breakfast with your sister. That, my dear, replied he, will
too much gratify her pride, and look like a slight to you.--Dear sir,
said I, your goodness is too great, for me to want punctilious proofs of
it. Pray oblige her ladyship. She is your guest surely, sir, you may be
freest with your dutiful wife!
She is a strange woman, said he: How I pity her!--She has thrown herself
into a violent fit of the colic, through passion: And is but now, her
woman says, a little easier. I hope, sir, said I, when you carried her
ladyship out, you did not hurt her. No, replied he, I love her too well.
I set her down in the apartment she had chosen: and she but now desires
to see me, and that I will breakfast with her, or refuses to touch any
thing. But, if my dearest please, I will insist it shall be with you at
the same time.
O, no, no, dear sir! said I; I should not forgive myself, if I did. I
would on my knees beg her ladyship's goodness to me, now I am in your
presence; though I thought I ought to carry it a little stiff when you
were absent, for the sake of the honour you have done me. And, dear sir,
if my deepest humility will please, permit me to shew it.
You shall do nothing, returned he, unworthy of my wife, to please the
proud woman!--But I will, however, permit you to breakfast by yourself
this once, as I have not seen her since I have used her in so barbarous a
manner, as I understand she exclaims I have; and as she will not eat any
thing, unless I give her my company.--So he saluted me, and withdrew; and
I locked the door after him again for fear.
Mrs. Jewkes soon after rapped at the door. Who's there? said I. Only I,
madam. So I opened the door. 'Tis a sad thing, madam, said she, you
should be so much afraid in your own house. She brought me some
chocolate and toast; and I asked her about my lady's behaviour. She
said, she would not suffer any body to attend but her woman, because she
would not be heard what she had to say; but she believed, she said, her
master was very angry with the young lord, as she called her kinsman;
for, as she passed by the door, she heard him say, in a high tone, I
hope, sir, you did not forget what belongs to the character you assume;
or to that effect.
About one o'clock my master came up again, and he said, Will you come
down to dinner, Pamela, when I send for you? Whatever you command, sir,
I must do. But my lady won't desire to see me. No matter whether she
will or no. But I will not suffer, that she shall prescribe her insolent
will to my wife, and in your own house too.--I will, by my tenderness to
you, mortify her pride; and it cannot be done so well as to her face.
Dearest sir, said I, pray indulge me, and let me dine here by myself. It
will make my lady but more inveterate.--Said he, I have told her we are
married. She is out of all patience about it, and yet pretends not to
believe it. Upon that I tell her, Then she shall have it her own way,
and that I am not. And what has she to do with it either way? She has
scolded and begged, commanded and prayed, blessed me, and cursed me, by
turns, twenty times in these few hours. And I have sometimes soothed
her, sometimes raged; and at last left her, and took a turn in the garden
for an hour to compose myself, because you should not see how the foolish
woman has ruffled me; and just now I came out, seeing her coming in.
Just as he had said so, I cried, Oh! my lady, my lady! for I heard her
voice in the chamber, saying, Brother, brother, one word with you--
stopping in sight of the closet where I was. He stepped out, and she
went up to the window that looks towards the garden, and said, Mean fool
that I am, to follow you up and down the house in this manner, though I
am shunned and avoided by you! You a brother!--You a barbarian! Is it
possible we could be born of one mother?
Why, said he, do you charge me with a conduct to you, that you bring upon
yourself?--Is it not surprising that you should take the liberty with me,
that the dear mother you have named never gave you an example for to any
of her relations?--Was it not sufficient, that I was insolently taken to
task by you in your letters, but my retirements must be invaded? My
house insulted? And, if I have one person dearer to me than another,
that that person must be singled out for an object of your violence?
Ay, said she, that one person is the thing!--But though I came with a
resolution to be temperate, and to expostulate with you on your avoiding
me so unkindly, yet cannot I have patience to look upon that bed in which
I was born, and to be made the guilty scene of your wickedness with such
a----
Hush! said he, I charge you! call not the dear girl by any name unworthy
of her. You know not, as I told you, her excellence; and I desire you'll
not repeat the freedoms you have taken below.
She stamped with her foot, and said, God give me patience! So much
contempt to a sister that loves you so well; and so much tenderness to a
vile----
He put his hand before her mouth: Be silent, said he, once more, I charge
you! You know not the innocence you abuse so freely. I ought not,
neither will I bear it.
She sat down and fanned herself, and burst into tears, and such sobs of
grief, or rather passion, that grieved me to hear; and I sat and trembled
sadly.
He walked about the room in great anger; and at last said, Let me ask
you, Lady Davers, why I am thus insolently to be called to account by
you? Am I not independent? Am I not of age? Am I not at liberty to
please myself?--Would to God, that, instead of a woman, and my sister,
any man breathing had dared, whatever were his relation under that of a
father, to give himself half the airs you have done!--Why did you not
send on this accursed errand your lord, who could write me such a letter
as no gentleman should write, nor any gentleman tamely receive? He
should have seen the difference.
We all know, said she, that, since your Italian duel, you have commenced
a bravo; and all your airs breathe as strongly of the manslayer as of the
libertine. This, said he, I will bear; for I have no reason to be
ashamed of that duel, nor the cause of it; since it was to save a friend,
and because it is levelled at myself only: but suffer not your tongue to
take too great a liberty with my Pamela.
She interrupted him in a violent burst of passion. If I bear this, said
she, I can bear any thing!--O the little strumpet!--He interrupted her
then, and said wrathfully, Begone, rageful woman! begone this moment from
my presence! Leave my house this instant!--I renounce you, and all
relation to you! and never more let me see your face, or call me brother!
And took her by the hand to lead her out. She laid hold of the curtains
of the window, and said, I will not go! You shall not force me from you
thus ignominiously in the wretch's hearing, and suffer her to triumph
over me in your barbarous treatment of me.
Not considering any thing, I ran out of the closet, and threw myself at
my dear master's feet, as he held her hand, in order to lead her out; and
I said, Dearest sir, let me beg, that no act of unkindness, for my sake,
pass between so worthy and so near relations. Dear, dear madam, said I,
and clasped her knees, pardon and excuse the unhappy cause of all this
evil; on my knees I beg your ladyship to receive me to your grace and
favour, and you shall find me incapable of any triumph but in your
ladyship's goodness to me.
Creature, said she, art thou to beg an excuse for me?--Art thou to
implore my forgiveness? Is it to thee I am to owe the favour, that I am
not cast headlong from my brother's presence? Begone to thy corner,
wench! begone, I say, lest thy paramour kill me for trampling thee under
my foot!
Rise, my dear Pamela, said my master; rise, dear life of my life; and
expose not so much worthiness to the ungrateful scorn of so violent a
spirit. And so he led me to my closet again, and there I sat and wept.
Her woman came up, just as he had led me to my closet, and was returning
to her lady; and she very humbly said, Excuse my intrusion, good sir!--I
hope I may come to my lady. Yes, Mrs. Worden, said he, you may come in;
and pray take your lady down stairs with you, for fear I should too much
forget what belongs either to my sister or myself!
I began to think (seeing her ladyship so outrageous with her brother)
what a happy escape I had had the day before, though hardly enough used
in conscience too, as I thought.
Her woman begged her ladyship to walk down; and she said, Beck, seest
thou that bed? That was the bed that I was born in; and yet that was the
bed thou sawest, as well as I, the wicked Pamela in, this morning, and
this brother of mine just risen from her!
True, said he; you both saw it, and it is my pride that you could see it.
'Tis my bridal bed; and 'tis abominable that the happiness I knew before
you came hither, should be so barbarously interrupted.
Swear to me but, thou bold wretch! said she, swear to me, that Pamela
Andrews is really and truly thy lawful wife, without sham, without
deceit, without double-meaning; and I know what I have to say!
I'll humour you for once, said he; and then swore a solemn oath that I
was. And, said he, did I not tell you so at first?
I cannot yet believe you, said she; because, in this particular, I had
rather have called you knave than fool.--Provoke me not too much, said
he; for, if I should as much forget myself as you have done, you'd have
no more of a brother in me, than I have a sister in you.
Who married you? said she: tell me that! Was it not a broken attorney in
a parson's habit? Tell me truly, in the wench's hearing. When she's
undeceived, she'll know how to behave herself better! Thank God, thought
I, it is not so.
No, said he; and I'll tell you, that I bless God, I abhorred that
project, before it was brought to bear: and Mr. Williams married us.--Nay
then, said she--but answer me another question or two, I beseech you: Who
gave her away? Parson Peters, said he. Where was the ceremony
performed? In my little chapel, which you may see, as it was put in
order on purpose.
Now, said she, I begin to fear there is something in it! But who was
present? said she. Methinks, replied he, I look like a fine puppy, to
suffer myself to be thus interrogated by an insolent sister: but, if you
must know, Mrs. Jewkes was present. O the procuress! said she: But
nobody else? Yes, said he, all my heart and soul!
Wretch! said she; and what would thy father and mother have said, had
they lived to this day? Their consents, replied he, I should have
thought it my duty to ask; but not yours, madam.
Suppose, said she, I had married my father's groom! what would you have
said to that?--I could not have behaved worse, replied he, than you have
done. And would you not have thought, said she, I had deserved it.
Said he, Does your pride let you see no difference in the case you put?
None at all, said she. Where can the difference be between a beggar's
son married by a lady, or a beggar's daughter made a gentleman's wife?
Then I'll tell you, replied he; the difference is, a man ennobles the
woman he takes, be she who she will; and adopts her into his own rank, be
it what it will: but a woman, though ever so nobly born, debases herself
by a mean marriage, and descends from her own rank to his she stoops to.
When the royal family of Stuart allied itself into the low family of
Hyde, (comparatively low, I mean,) did any body scruple to call the lady,
Royal Highness, and Duchess of York? And did any body think her
daughters, the late Queen Mary and Queen Anne, less royal for that?
When the broken-fortuned peer goes into the city to marry a rich
tradesman's daughter, be he duke or earl, does not his consort
immediately become ennobled by his choice? and who scruples to call her
lady, duchess, or countess?
But when a duchess or countess dowager descends to mingle with a person
of obscure birth, does she not then degrade herself? and is she not
effectually degraded? And will any duchess or countess rank with her?
Now, Lady Davers, do you not see a difference between my marrying my dear
mother's beloved and deserving waiting-maid, with a million of
excellencies about her, and such graces of mind and person as would adorn
any distinction; and your marrying a sordid groom, whose constant train
of education, conversation, and opportunities, could possibly give him no
other merit, than that which must proceed from the vilest, lowest taste,
in his sordid dignifier?
O the wretch! said she, how he finds excuses to palliate his meanness!
Again, said he, let me observe to you, Lady Davers, When a duke marries a
private person, is he not still her head, by virtue of being her husband?
But, when a lady descends to marry a groom, is not the groom her head,
being her husband? And does not the difference strike you? For what
lady of quality ought to respect another, who has made so sordid a
choice, and set a groom above her? For, would not that be to put that
groom upon a par with themselves?--Call this palliation, or what you
will; but if you see not the difference, you are blind; and a very unfit
judge for yourself, much more unfit to be a censurer of me.
I'd have you, said she, publish your fine reasons to the world, and they
will be sweet encouragements to all the young gentlemen who read them to
cast themselves away on the servant-wenches in their families.
Not at all, Lady Davers, replied he: For, if any young gentleman stays
till he finds such a person as my Pamela, so enriched with the beauties
of person and mind, so well accomplished, and so fitted to adorn the
degree she is raised to, he will stand as easily acquitted, as I shall be
to all the world that sees her, except there be many more Lady Davers
than I apprehend can possibly be met with.
And so, returned she, you say you are actually and really married,
honestly, or rather foolishly married, to this slut?
I am, indeed, says he, if you presume to call her so! And why should I
not, if I please? Who is there ought to contradict me? Whom have I hurt
by it?--Have I not an estate, free and independent?--Am I likely to be
beholden to you, or any of my relations? And why, when I have a
sufficiency in my own single hands, should I scruple to make a woman
equally happy, who has all I want? For beauty, virtue, prudence, and
generosity too, I will tell you, she has more than any lady I ever saw.
Yes, Lady Davers, she has all these naturally; they are born with her;
and a few years' education, with her genius, has done more for her, than
a whole life has done for others.
No more, no more, I beseech you, said she; thou surfeitest me, honest
man! with thy weak folly. Thou art worse than an idolater; thou hast
made a graven image, and thou fallest down and worshippest the works of
thy own hands; and, Jeroboam-like, wouldst have every body else bow down
before thy calf!
Well said, Lady Davers! Whenever your passion suffers you to descend to
witticism; 'tis almost over with you. But let me tell you, though I
myself worship this sweet creature, that you call such names, I want
nobody else to do it; and should be glad you had not intruded upon me, to
interrupt me in the course of our mutual happiness.
Well said, well said, my kind, my well-mannered brother! said she. I
shall, after this, very little interrupt your mutual happiness, I'll
assure you. I thought you a gentleman once, and prided myself in my
brother: But I'll say now with the burial service, Ashes to ashes, and
dirt to dirt!
Ay, said he, Lady Davers, and there we must all end at last; you with all
your pride, and I with my plentiful fortune, must come to it; and then
where will be your distinction? Let me tell you, except you and I both
mend our manners, though you have been no duellist, no libertine, as you
call me, this amiable girl, whom your vanity and folly so much despise,
will out-soar us both, infinitely out-soar us; and he who judges best,
will give the preference where due, without regard to birth or fortune.
Egregious preacher! said she: What, my brother already turned Puritan!--
See what marriage and repentance may bring a man to! I heartily
congratulate this change!--Well, said she, (and came towards me, and I
trembled to see her coming; but her brother followed to observe her, and
I stood up at her approach, and she said,) give me thy hand, Mrs. Pamela,
Mrs. Andrews, Mrs. what shall I call thee?--Thou hast done wonders in a
little time; thou hast not only made a rake a husband but thou hast made
a rake a preacher! But take care, added she, after all, in ironical
anger, and tapped me on the neck, take care that thy vanity begins not
where his ends; and that thou callest not thyself my sister.
She shall, I hope, Lady Davers, said he, when she can make as great a
convert of you from pride, as she has of me, from libertinism.
Mrs. Jewkes just then came up, and said dinner was ready. Come, my
Pamela, said my dear master; you desired to be excused from breakfasting
with us; but I hope you'll give Lady Davers and me your company to
dinner.
How dare you insult me thus? said my lady.--How dare you, said he, insult
me by your conduct in my own house, after I have told you I am married?
How dare you think of staying here one moment, and refuse my wife the
honours that belong to her as such?
Merciful God! said she, give me patience! and held her hand to her
forehead.
Pray, sir, dear sir, said I, excuse me, don't vex my lady:--Be silent, my
dear love, said he; you see already what you have got by your sweet
condescension. You have thrown yourself at her feet, and, insolent as
she is, she has threatened to trample upon you. She'll ask you,
presently, if she is to owe her excuse to your interposition? and yet
nothing else can make her forgiven.
Poor lady, she could not bear this; and, as if she was discomposed, she
ran to her poor grieved woman, and took hold of her hand, and said, Lead
me down, lead me down, Beck! Let us instantly quit this house, this
cursed house, that once I took pleasure in! Order the fellows to get
ready, and I will never see it, nor its owner, more. And away she went
down stairs, in a great hurry. And the servants were ordered to make
ready for their departure.
I saw my master was troubled, and I went to him, and said, Pray, dear
sir, follow my lady down, and pacify her. 'Tis her love to you.--Poor
woman! said he, I am concerned for her! But I insist upon your coming
down, since things are gone so far. Her pride will get new strength
else, and we shall be all to begin again.
Dearest, dear sir, said I, excuse my going down this once! Indeed, my
dear, I won't, replied he. What! shall it be said, that my sister shall
scare my wife from my table, and I present?--No, I have borne too much
already; and so have you: And I charge you come down when I send for you.
He departed, saying these words, and I durst not dispute; for I saw he
was determined. And there is as much majesty as goodness in him, as I
have often had reason to observe; though never more than on the present
occasion with his sister. Her ladyship instantly put on her hood and
gloves, and her woman tied up a handkerchief full of things; for her
principal matters were not unpacked; and her coachman got her chariot
ready, and her footmen their horses; and she appeared resolved to go.
But her kinsman and Mr. Colbrand had taken a turn together, somewhere;
and she would not come in, but sat fretting on a seat in the fore-yard,
with her woman by her; and, at last, said to one of the footmen, Do you,
James, stay to attend my nephew; and we'll take the road we came.
Mrs. Jewkes went to her ladyship, and said, Your ladyship will be pleased
to stay dinner; 'tis just coming upon table? No, said she, I have enough
of this house; I have indeed. But give my service to your master, and I
wish him happier than he has made me.
He had sent for me down, and I came, though unwillingly, and the cloth
was laid in the parlour I had jumped out of; and there was my master
walking about it. Mrs. Jewkes came in, and asked, if he pleased to have
dinner brought in? for my lady would not come in, but desired her
service, and wished him happier than he had made her. He, seeing her at
the window, when he went to that side of the room, all ready to go, stept
out to her, and said, Lady Davers, if I thought you would not be
hardened, rather than softened, by my civility, I would ask you to walk
in; and, at least, let your kinsman and servants dine before they go.
She wept, and turned her face from him, to hide it. He took her hand,
and said, Come, sister, let me prevail upon you: Walk in. No, said she,
don't ask me.--I wish I could hate you, as much as you hate me!--You do,
said he, and a great deal more, I'll assure you; or else you'd not vex me
as you do.--Come, pray walk in. Don't ask me, said she. Her kinsman
just then returned: Why, madam, said he, your ladyship won't go till you
have dined, I hope. No, Jackey, said she, I can't stay; I'm an intruder
here, it seems!--Think, said my master, of the occasion you gave for that
word. Your violent passions are the only intruders! Lay them aside, and
never sister was dearer to a brother. Don't say such another word, said
she, I beseech you; for I am too easy to forgive you any thing for one
kind word!--You shall have one hundred, said he, nay, ten thousand, if
they will do, my dear sister. And, kissing her, he added, Pray give me
your hand. John, said he, put up the horses; you are all as welcome to
me, for all your lady's angry with me, as at any inn you can put up at.
Come, Mr. H----, said he, lead your aunt in; for she won't permit that
honour to me.
This quite overcame her; and she said, giving her brother her hand, Yes,
I will, and you shall lead me any where! and kissed him. But don't
think, said she, I can forgive you neither. And so he led her into the
parlour where I was. But, said she, why do you lead me to this wench?
'Tis my wife, my dear sister; and if you will not love her, yet don't
forget common civilities to her, for your own sake.
Pray, madam, said her kinsman, since your brother is pleased to own his
marriage, we must not forget common civilities, as Mr. B---- says. And,
sir, added he, permit me to wish you joy. Thank you, sir, said he. And
may I? said he, looking at me. Yes, sir, replied my master. So he
saluted me, very complaisantly; and said, I vow to Gad, madam, I did not
know this yesterday; and if I was guilty of a fault, I beg your pardon.
My lady said, Thou'rt a good-natured foolish fellow; thou might'st have
saved this nonsensical parade, till I had given thee leave. Why, aunt,
said he, if they are actually married, there's no help for it; and we
must not make mischief between man and wife.
But brother, said she, do you think I'll sit at table with the creature?
No contemptuous names, I beseech you, Lady Davers! I tell you she is
really my wife; and I must be a villain to suffer her to be ill used.
She has no protector but me; and, if you will permit her, she will always
love and honour you.--Indeed, indeed I will, madam, said I.
I cannot, I won't sit down at table with her, said she: Pamela, I hope
thou dost not think I will?--Indeed, madam, said I, if your good brother
will permit it, I will attend your chair all the time you dine, to shew
my veneration for your ladyship, as the sister of my kind protector.
See, said he, her condition has not altered her; but I cannot permit in
her a conduct unworthy of my wife; and I hope my sister will not expect
it neither.
Let her leave the room, replied she, if I must stay. Indeed you are out
of the way, aunt, said her kinsman; that is not right, as things stand.
Said my master, No, madam, that must not be; but, if it must be so, we'll
have two tables; you and your nephew shall sit at one, and my wife and I
at the other: and then see what a figure your unreasonable punctilio will
make you cut.--She seemed irresolute, and he placed her at the table; the
first course, which was fish, being brought in. Where, said she to me,
would'st thou presume to sit? Would'st have me give place to thee too,
wench?--Come, come, said my master, I'll put that out of dispute; and so
set himself down by her ladyship, at the upper end of the table, and
placed me at his left hand. Excuse me, my dear, said he; this once
excuse me!--Oh! your cursed complaisance, said she, to such a----. Hush,
sister! hush! said he: I will not bear to hear her spoken slightly of!
'Tis enough, that, to oblige your violent and indecent caprice, you make
me compromise with you thus.
Come, sir, added he, pray take your place next your gentle aunt!--Beck,
said she, do you sit down by Pamela there, since it must be so; we'll be
hail fellow all! With all my heart, replied my master; I have so much
honour for all the sex, that I would not have the meanest person of it
stand, while I sit, had I been to have made the custom. Mrs. Worden,
pray sit down. Sir, said she, I hope I shall know my place better.
My lady sat considering; and then, lifting up her hands, said, Lord! what
will this world come to?--To nothing but what's very good, replied my
master, if such spirits as Lady Davers's do but take the rule of it.
Shall I help you, sister, to some of the carp? Help your beloved! said
she. That's kind! said he.--Now, that's my good Lady Davers! Here, my
love, let me help you, since my sister desires it.--Mighty well, returned
she, mighty well!--But sat on one side, turning from me, as it were.
Dear aunt, said her kinsman, let's see you buss and be friends: since
'tis so, what signifies it? Hold thy fool's tongue! said she: Is thy
tone so soon turned since yesterday? said my master, I hope nothing
affronting was offered yesterday to my wife, in her own house. She hit
him a good smart slap on the shoulder: Take that, impudent brother said
she. I'll wife you, and in her own house! She seemed half afraid: but
he, in very good humour, kissed her, and said, I thank you, sister, I
thank you. But I have not had a blow from you before for some time!
'Fore gad, said her kinsman, 'tis very kind of you to take it so well.
Her ladyship is as good a woman as ever lived; but I've had many a cuff
from her myself.
I won't put it up neither, said my master, except you'll assure me you
have seen her serve her lord so.
I pressed my foot to his, and said, softly, Don't, dear sir!--What! said
she, is the creature begging me off from insult? If his manners won't
keep him from outraging me, I won't owe his forebearance to thee, wench.
Said my master, and put some fish on my lady's plate, Well does Lady
Davers use the word insult!--But, come, let me see you eat one mouthful,
and I'll forgive you; and he put the knife in one of her hands, and the
fork in the other. As I hope to live, said he, I cannot bear this silly
childishness, for nothing at all! I am quite ashamed of it.
She put a little bit to her mouth, but laid it down in her plate again: I
cannot eat, said she; I cannot swallow, I'm sure. It will certainly
choak me. He had forbid his menservants to come in, that they might not
behold the scene he expected; and rose from table himself, and filled a
glass of wine, her woman offering, and her kinsman rising, to do it.
Mean-time, his seat between us being vacant, she turned to me: How now,
confidence, said she, darest thou sit next me? Why dost thou not rise,
and take the glass from thy property?
Sit still, my dear, said he; I'll help you both. But I arose; for I was
afraid of a good cuff; and said, Pray, sir, let me help my lady. So you
shall, replied he, when she's in a humour to receive it as she ought.
Sister, said he, with a glass in his hand, pray drink; you'll perhaps eat
a little bit of something then. Is this to insult me? said she.--No,
really, returned he: but to incite you to eat; for you'll be sick for
want of it.
She took the glass, and said, God forgive you, wicked wretch, for your
usage of me this day!--This is a little as it used to be!--I once had
your love;--and now it is changed; and for whom? that vexes me! And wept
so, she was forced to set down the glass.
You don't do well, said he. You neither treat me like your brother nor a
gentleman; and if you would suffer me, I would love you as well as ever.
--But for a woman of sense and understanding, and a fine-bred woman, as I
once thought my sister, you act quite a childish part. Come, added he,
and held the glass to her lips, let your brother, that you once loved,
prevail on you to drink this glass of wine.--She then drank it. He
kissed her, and said, Oh! how passion deforms the noblest minds! You
have lost a good deal of that loveliness that used to adorn my sister.
And let me persuade you to compose yourself, and be my sister again!--For
Lady Davers is, indeed, a fine woman; and has a presence as majestic for
a lady, as her dear brother has for a gentleman.
He then sat down between us again, and said, when the second course came
in, Let Abraham come in and wait. I touched his toe again; but he minded
it not; and I saw he was right; for her ladyship began to recollect
herself, and did not behave half so ill before the servants, as she had
done; and helped herself with some little freedom; but she could not
forbear a strong sigh and a sob now and then. She called for a glass of
the same wine she had drank before. Said he, Shall I help you again,
Lady Davers?--and rose, at the same time, and went to the sideboard, and
filled her a glass. Indeed, said she, I love to be soothed by my
brother!--Your health, sir!
Said my master to me, with great sweetness, My dear, now I'm up, I'll
fill for you!--I must serve both sisters alike! She looked at the
servant, as if he were a little check upon her, and said to my master,
How now, sir!--Not that you know of. He whispered her, Don't shew any
contempt before my servants to one I have so deservedly made their
mistress. Consider, 'tis done.--Ay, said she, that's the thing that
kills me.
He gave me a glass: My good lady's health, sir, said I.--That won't do,
said she, leaning towards me, softly: and was going to say wench, or
creature, or some such word. And my master, seeing Abraham look towards
her, her eyes being red and swelled, said, Indeed, sister, I would not
vex myself about it, if I was you. About what? said she. Why, replied
he, about your lord's not coming down, as he had promised. He sat down,
and she tapped him on the shoulder: Ah! wicked one, said she, nor will
that do neither!--Why, to be sure, added he, it would vex a lady of your
sense and merit to be slighted, if it was so; but I am sure my lord loves
you, as well as you love him; and you know not what may have happened.
She shook her head, and said, That's like your art!--This makes one
amazed you should be so caught!--Who, my lord caught! said he: No, no!
he'll have more wit than so! But I never heard you were jealous before.
Nor, said he, have you any reason to think so now!--Honest friend, you
need not wait, said she; my woman will help us to what we want. Yes, let
him, replied he. Abraham, fill me a glass. Come, said my master, Lord
Davers to you, madam: I hope he'll take care he is not found out!--You're
very provoking, brother, said she. I wish you were as good as Lord
Davers.--But don't carry your jest too far. Well, said he, 'tis a tender
point, I own. I've done.
By these kind managements the dinner passed over better than I expected.
And when the servants were withdrawn, my master said, still keeping his
place between us, I have a question to ask you, Lady Davers, and that is,
If you'll bear me company to Bedfordshire? I was intending to set out
thither to-morrow, but I'll tarry your pleasure, if you'll go with me.
Is thy wife, as thou callest her, to go along with thee, friend? said
she. Yes, to be sure, answered he, my dear Quaker sister; and took her
hand, and smiled. And would'st have me parade it with her on the road?--
Hey?--And make one to grace her retinue?--Hey? Tell me how thoud'st
chalk it out, if I would do as thou would'st have me, honest friend?
He clasped his arms about her, and kissed her: You are a dear saucy
sister, said he; but I must love you!--Why, I'll tell you how I'd have
it. Here shall you, and my Pamela--Leave out my, I desire you, if you'd
have me sit patiently. No, replied he, I can't do that. Here shall you,
and my Pamela, go together in your chariot, if you please; and she will
then appear as one of your retinue; and your nephew and I will sometimes
ride, and sometimes go into my chariot, to your woman.
Should'st thou like this, creature? said she to me.--If your ladyship
think it not too great an honour for me, madam, said I. Yes, replied
she, but my ladyship does think it would be too great an honour.
Now I think of it, said he, this must not be neither; for, without you'd
give her the hand in your own chariot, my wife would be thought your
woman, and that must not be. Why, that would, may be, said she, be the
only inducement for me to bear her near me, in my chariot.--But, how
then?--Why then, when we came home, we'd get Lord Davers to come to us,
and stay a month or two.
And what if he was to come?--Why I would have you, as I know you have a
good fancy, give Pamela your judgment on some patterns I expect from
London, for clothes.--Provoking wretch! said she; now I wish I may keep
my hands to myself. I don't say it to provoke you, said he, nor ought it
to do so. But when I tell you I am married, is it not a consequence that
we must have new clothes?
Hast thou any more of these obliging things to say to me, friend? said
she. I will make you a present, returned he, worth your acceptance, if
you will grace us with your company at church, when we make our
appearance.--Take that, said she, if I die for it, wretch that thou art!
and was going to hit him a great slap; but he held her hand. Her kinsman
said, Dear aunt, I wonder at you! Why, all these are things of course.
I begged leave to withdraw; and, as I went out, my good master said,
There's a person! There's a shape! There's a sweetness! O, Lady
Davers! were you a man, you would doat on her, as I do. Yes, said the
naughty lady, so I should, for my harlot, but not for my wife. I turned,
on this, and said, Indeed your ladyship is cruel; and well may gentlemen
take liberties, when ladies of honour say such things! And I wept, and
added, Your ladyship's inference, if your good brother was not the most
generous of men, would make me very unhappy.
No fear, wench; no fear, said she; thou'lt hold him as long as any body
can, I see that!--Poor Sally Godfrey never had half the interest in him,
I'll assure you.
Stay, my Pamela, said he, in a passion; stay, when I bid you. You have
now heard two vile charges upon me!--I love you with such a true
affection, that I ought to say something before this malicious accuser,
that you may not think your consummate virtue linked to so black a
villain.
Her nephew seemed uneasy, and blamed her much; and I came back, but
trembled as I stood; and he set me down, and said, taking my hand, I have
been accused, my dear, as a dueller, and now as a profligate, in another
sense; and there was a time I should not have received these imputations
with so much concern as I now do, when I would wish, by degrees, by a
conformity of my manners to your virtue, to shew every one the force your
example has upon me. But this briefly is the case of the first.
I had a friend, who had been basely attempted to be assassinated by
bravoes, hired by a man of title in Italy, who, like many other persons
of title, had no honour; and, at Padua, I had the fortune to disarm one
of these bravoes in my friend's defence, and made him confess his
employer; and him, I own, I challenged. At Sienna we met, and he died in
a month after, of a fever; but, I hope, not occasioned by the slight
wounds he had received from me; though I was obliged to leave Italy upon
it, sooner than I intended, because of his numerous relations, who looked
upon me as the cause of his death; though I pacified them by a letter I
wrote them from Inspruck, acquainting them with the baseness of the
deceased: and they followed me not to Munich, as they intended.
This is one of the good-natured hints that might shock your sweetness, on
reflecting that you are yoked with a murderer. The other--Nay, brother,
said she, say no more. 'Tis your own fault if you go further. She shall
know it all, said he; and I defy the utmost stretch of your malice.
When I was at college, I was well received by a widow lady, who had
several daughters, and but small fortunes to give them; and the old lady
set one of them (a deserving good girl she was,) to draw me into marriage
with her, for the sake of the fortune I was heir to; and contrived many
opportunities to bring us and leave us together. I was not then of age;
and the young lady, not half so artful as her mother, yielded to my
addresses before the mother's plot could be ripened, and so utterly
disappointed it. This, my Pamela, is the Sally Godfrey, this malicious
woman, with the worst intentions, has informed you of. And whatever
other liberties I may have taken, (for perhaps some more I have, which,
had she known, you had heard of, as well as this,) I desire Heaven will
only forgive me, till I revive its vengeance by the like offences, in
injury to my Pamela.
And now, my dear, you may withdraw; for this worthy sister of mine has
said all the bad she knows of me; and what, at a proper opportunity, when
I could have convinced you, that they were not my boast, but my concern,
I should have acquainted you with myself; for I am not fond of being
thought better than I am: though I hope, from the hour I devoted myself
to so much virtue, to that of my death, my conduct shall be
irreproachable.
She was greatly moved at this, and the noble manner in which the dear
gentleman owned and repented of his faults; and gushed out into tears,
and said, No, don't yet go, Pamela, I beseech you. My passion has
carried me too far, a great deal; and, coming to me, she shook my hand,
and said, You must stay to hear me beg his pardon; and so took his hand.
--But, to my concern, (for I was grieved for her ladyship's grief,) he
burst from her; and went out of the parlour into the garden in a violent
rage, that made me tremble. Her ladyship sat down, and leaned her head
against my bosom, and made my neck wet with her tears, holding me by the
hands; and I wept for company.--Her kinsman walked up and down the
parlour in a sad fret; and going out afterwards, he came in, and said,
Mr. B---- has ordered his chariot to be got ready, and won't be spoken to
by any body. Where is he? said she.--Walking in the garden till it is
ready, replied he.
Well, said she, I have indeed gone too far. I was bewitched! And now,
said she, malicious as he calls me, will he not forgive me for a
twelvemonth: for I tell you, Pamela, if ever you offend, he will not
easily forgive. I was all delighted, though sad, to see her ladyship so
good to me. Will you venture, said she, to accompany me to him?--Dare
you follow a lion in his retreats?--I'll attend your ladyship, said I,
wherever you command. Well, wench, said she; Pamela, I mean; thou art
very good in the main!--I should have loved thee as well as my mother
did--if--but 'tis all over now! Indeed you should not have married my
brother! But come, I must love him! Let's find him out! And yet will
he use me worse than a dog!--I should not, added she, have so much
exasperated him: for, whenever I have, I have always had the worst of it.
He knows I love him!
In this manner her ladyship talked to me, leaning on my arm, and walking
into the garden. I saw he was still in a tumult, as it were; and he took
another walk to avoid us. She called after him, and said, Brother,
brother, let me speak to you!--One word with you! And as we made haste
towards him, and came near to him; I desire, said he, that you'll not
oppress me more with your follies, and your violence. I have borne too
much with you, and I will vow for a twelvemonth, from this day--Hush,
said she, don't vow, I beg you for too well will you keep it, I know by
experience, if you do. You see, said she, I stoop to ask Pamela to be my
advocate. Sure that will pacify you!
Indeed, said he, I desire to see neither of you, on such an occasion; and
let me only be left to myself, for I will not be intruded upon thus; and
was going away.--But, said she, One word first, I desire.--If you'll
forgive me, I'll forgive you.--What, said the dear man, haughtily, will
you forgive me?--Why, said she, for she saw him too angry to mention his
marriage, as a subject that required her pardon--I will forgive you all
your bad usage of me this day.
I will be serious with you, sister, said he: I wish you most sincerely
well; but let us, from this time, study so much one another's quiet, as
never to come near one another more. Never? said she.--And can you
desire this? barbarous brother! can you?--I can, I do, said he; and I
have nothing to do, but to hide from you, not a brother, but a murderer,
and a profligate, unworthy of your relation; and let me be consigned to
penitence for my past evils: A penitence, however, that shall not be
broken in upon by so violent an accuser.
Pamela, said he, and made me tremble, How dare you approach me, without
leave, when you see me thus disturbed?--Never, for the future, come near
me, when I am in these tumults, unless I send for you.
Dear sir! said I--Leave me, interrupted he. I will set out for
Bedfordshire this moment! What! sir, said I, without me?--What have I
done? You have too meanly, said he, for my wife, stooped to this furious
sister of mine; and, till I can recollect, I am not pleased with you: But
Colbrand shall attend you, and two other of my servants; and Mrs. Jewkes
shall wait upon you part of the way: And I hope you'll find me in a
better disposition to receive you there, than I am at parting with you
here.
Had I not hoped, that this was partly put on to intimidate my lady, I
believe I could not have borne it: But it was grievous to me; for I saw
he was most sincerely in a passion.
I was afraid, said she, he would be angry at you, as well as me; for well
do I know his unreasonable violence, when he is moved. But one word,
sir, said she; Pardon Pamela, if you won't me; for she has committed no
offence, but that of good-nature to me, and at my request. I will be
gone myself, directly as I was about to do, had you not prevented me.
I prevented you, said he, through love; but you have strung me for it,
through hatred. But as for my Pamela, I know, besides the present
moment, I cannot be angry with her; and therefore I desire her never to
see me, on such occasions, till I can see her in the temper I ought to be
in, when so much sweetness approaches me. 'Tis therefore I say, my
dearest, leave me now.
But, sir, said I, must I leave you, and let you go to Bedfordshire
without me? Oh, dear sir, how can I?--Said my lady, You may go to-
morrow, both of you, as you had designed; and I will go away this
afternoon: And, since I cannot be forgiven, will try to forget I have a
brother.
May I, sir, said I, beg all your anger on myself, and to be reconciled to
your good sister? Presuming Pamela! replied he, and made me start; Art
thou then so hardy, so well able to sustain a displeasure, which of all
things, I expected from thy affection, and thy tenderness, thou would'st
have wished to avoid?--Now, said he, and took my hand, and, as it were,
tossed it from him, begone from my presence, and reflect upon what you
have said to me!
I was so frightened, (for then I saw he took amiss what I said,) that I
took hold of his knees, as he was turning from me; and I said, Forgive
me, good sir! you see I am not so hardy! I cannot bear your displeasure!
And was ready to sink.
His sister said, Only forgive Pamela; 'tis all I ask--You'll break her
spirit quite!--You'll carry your passion as much too far as I have done!
--I need not say, said he, how well I love her; but she must not intrude
upon me at such times as these!--I had intended, as soon as I could have
quelled, by my reason, the tumults you had caused by your violence, to
have come in, and taken such a leave of you both, as might become a
husband, and a brother: But she has, unbidden, broke in upon me, and must
take the consequence of a passion, which, when raised, is as
uncontrollable as your own.
Said she, Did I not love you so well, as sister never loved a brother, I
should not have given you all this trouble. And did I not, said he, love
you better than you are resolved to deserve, I should be indifferent to
all you say. But this last instance, after the duelling story (which you
would not have mentioned, had you not known it is always matter of
concern for me to think upon), of poor Sally Godfrey, is a piece of spite
and meanness, that I can renounce you my blood for.
Well, said she, I am convinced it was wrong. I am ashamed of it myself.
'Twas poor, 'twas mean, 'twas unworthy of your sister: And 'tis for this
reason I stoop to follow you, to beg your pardon, and even to procure one
for my advocate, who I thought had some interest in you, if I might have
believed your own professions to her; which now I shall begin to think
made purposely to insult me.
I care not what you think!--After the meanness you have been guilty of, I
can only look upon you with pity: For, indeed, you have fallen very low
with me.
'Tis plain I have, said she. But I'll begone.--And so, brother, let me
call you for this once! God bless you! And Pamela, said her ladyship,
God bless you! and kissed me, and wept.
I durst say no more: And my lady turning from him, he said, Your sex is
the d---l! how strangely can you discompose, calm, and turn, as you
please, us poor weathercocks of men! Your last kind blessing to my
Pamela I cannot stand! Kiss but each other again. And then he took both
our hands, and joined them; and my lady saluting me again, with tears on
both sides, he put his kind arms about each of our waists, and saluted us
with great affection, saying, Now, God bless you both, the two dearest
creatures I have in the world!
Well, said she, you will quite forget my fault about Miss--He stopt her
before she could speak the name, and said, For ever forget it!--And,
Pamela, I'll forgive you too, if you don't again make my displeasure so
light a thing to you, as you did just now.
Said my lady, She did not make your displeasure a light thing to her; but
the heavier it was, the higher compliment she made me, that she would
bear it all, rather than not see you and me reconciled. No matter for
that, said he: It was either an absence of thought, or a slight by
implication, at least, that my niceness could not bear from her
tenderness: For looked it not presuming, that she could stand my
displeasure, or was sure of making her terms when she pleased? Which,
fond as I am of her, I assure her, will not be always, in wilful faults,
in her power.
Nay, said my lady, I can tell you, Pamela, you have a gentleman here in
my brother; and you may expect such treatment from him, as that
character, and his known good sense and breeding, will always oblige him
to shew: But if you offend, the Lord have mercy upon you!--You see how it
is by poor me!--And yet I never knew him to forgive so soon.
I am sure, said I, I will take care as much as I can; for I have been
frightened out of my wits, and had offended, before I knew where I was.
So happily did this storm blow over; and my lady was quite subdued and
pacified.
When we came out of the garden, his chariot was ready; and he said, Well,
sister, I had most assuredly gone away towards my other house, if things
had not taken this happy turn; and, if you please, instead of it, you and
I will take an airing: And pray, my dear, said he to me, bid Mrs. Jewkes
order supper by eight o'clock, and we shall then join you.
Sir, added he, to her nephew, will you take your horse and escort us? I
will, said he: and am glad, at my soul, to see you all so good friends.
So my dear lord and master handed my lady into his chariot, and her
kinsman and his servants rode after them and I went up to my closet to
ruminate on these things. And, foolish thing that I am, this poor Miss
Sally Godfrey runs into my head!--How soon the name and quality of a wife
gives one privileges, in one's own account!--Yet, methinks, I want to
know more about her; for, is it not strange, that I, who lived years in
the family, should have heard nothing of this? But I was so constantly
with my lady, that I might the less hear of it; for she, I dare say,
never knew it, or she would have told me.
But I dare not ask him about the poor lady.--Yet I wonder what became of
her! Whether she be living? And whether any thing came of it?--May be I
shall hear full soon enough!--But I hope not to any bad purpose.
As to the other unhappy case, I know it was talked of, that in his
travels, before I was taken into the family long, he had one or two
broils; and, from a youth, he was always remarkable for courage, and is
reckoned a great master of his sword. God grant he may never be put to
use it! and that he may be always preserved in honour and safety!
About seven o'clock my master sent word, that he would have me not expect
him to supper; for that he, and my lady his sister, and nephew, were
prevailed upon to stay with Lady Jones; and that Lady Darnford, and Mr.
Peters's family, had promised to meet them there. I was glad they did
not send for me; and the rather, as I hoped those good families being my
friends, would confirm my lady a little in my favour; and so I followed
my writing closely.
About eleven o'clock they returned. I had but just come down, having
tired myself with my pen, and was sitting talking with Mrs. Jewkes and
Mrs. Worden, whom I would, though unwillingly on their sides, make sit
down, which they did over against me. Mrs. Worden asked my pardon, in a
good deal of confusion, for the part she had acted against me; saying,
That things had been very differently represented to her; and that she
little thought I was married, and that she was behaving so rudely to the
lady of the house.
I said, I took nothing amiss; and very freely forgave her; and hoped my
new condition would not make me forget how to behave properly to every
one; but that I must endeavour to act not unworthy of it, for the honour
of the gentleman who had so generously raised me to it.
Mrs. Jewkes said, that my situation gave me great opportunities of
shewing the excellence of my nature, that I could forgive offences
against me so readily, as she, for her own part, must always, she said,
acknowledge, with confusion of face.
People, said I, Mrs. Jewkes, don't know how they shall act, when their
wills are in the power of their superiors; and I always thought one
should distinguish between acts of malice, and of implicit obedience;
though, at the same time, a person should know how to judge between
lawful and unlawful. And even the great, though at present angry they
are not obeyed, will afterwards have no ill opinion of a person for
withstanding them in their unlawful commands.
Mrs. Jewkes seemed a little concerned at this; and I said, I spoke
chiefly from my own experience: For that I might say, as they both knew
my story, that I had not wanted both for menaces and temptations; and had
I complied with the one, or been intimidated by the other, I should not
have been what I was.
Ah, madam! replied Mrs. Jewkes, I never knew any body like you; and I
think your temper sweeter, since the happy day, than before; and that, if
possible, you take less upon you.
Why, a good reason, said I, may be assigned for that: I thought myself in
danger: I looked upon every one as my enemy; and it was impossible that I
should not be fretful, uneasy, jealous. But when my dearest friend had
taken from me the ground of my uneasiness, and made me quite happy, I
should have been very blamable, if I had not shewn a satisfied and easy
mind, and a temper that should engage every one's respect and love at the
same time, if possible: And so much the more, as it was but justifying,
in some sort, the honour I had received: For the fewer enemies I made
myself, the more I engaged every one to think, that my good benefactor
had been less to blame in descending as he has done.
This way of talking pleased them both very much; and they made me many
compliments upon it, and wished me always to be happy, as, they said, I
so well deserved.
We were thus engaged, when my master, and his sister and her nephew, came
in: and they made me quite alive, in the happy humour in which they all
returned. The two women would have withdrawn: but my master said, Don't
go, Mrs. Worden: Mrs. Jewkes, pray stay; I shall speak to you presently.
So he came to me, and, saluting me, said, Well, my dear love, I hope I
have not trespassed upon your patience, by an absence longer than we
designed. But it has not been to your disadvantage; for though we had
not your company, we have talked of nobody else but you.
My lady came up to me, and said, Ay, child, you have been all our
subject. I don't know how it is: but you have made two or three good
families, in this neighbourhood, as much your admirers, as your friend
here.
My sister, said he, has been hearing your praises, Pamela, from half a
score mouths, with more pleasure than her heart will easily let her
express.
My good Lady Davers's favour, said I, and the continuance of yours, sir,
would give me more pride than that of all the rest of the world put
together.
Well, child, said she, proud hearts don't come down all at once; though
my brother, here, has this day set mine a good many pegs lower than I
ever knew it: But I will say, I wish you joy with my brother; and so
kissed me.
My dear lady, said I, you for ever oblige me!--I shall now believe myself
quite happy. This was all I wanted to make me so!--And I hope I shall
always, through my life, shew your ladyship, that I have the most
grateful and respectful sense of your goodness.
But, child, said she, I shall not give you my company when you make your
appearance. Let your own merit make all your Bedfordshire neighbours
your friends, as it has done here, by your Lincolnshire ones; and you'll
have no need of my countenance, nor any body's else.
Now, said her nephew, 'tis my turn: I wish you joy with all my soul,
madam; and, by what I have seen, and by what I have heard, 'fore Gad, I
think you have met with no more than you deserve; and so all the company
says, where we have been: And pray forgive all my nonsense to you.
Sir, said I, I shall always, I hope, respect as I ought, so near a
relation of my good Lord and Lady Davers; and I thank you for your kind
compliment.
Gad, Beck, said he, I believe you've some forgiveness too to ask; for we
were all to blame, to make madam, here, fly the pit, as she did. Little
did we think we made her quit her own house.
Thou always, said my lady, sayest too much, or too little.
Mrs. Worden said, I have been treated with so much goodness and
condescension since you went, that I have been beforehand, sir, in asking
pardon myself.
So my lady sat down with me half an hour, and told me, that her brother
had carried her a fine airing, and had quite charmed her with his kind
treatment of her; and had much confirmed her in the good opinion she had
begun to entertain of my discreet and obliging behaviour: But, continued
she, when he would make me visit, without intending to stay, my old
neighbours, (for, said she, Lady Jones being nearest, we visited her
first; and she scraped all the rest of the company together,) they were
all so full of your praises, that I was quite borne down; and, truly, it
was Saul among the prophets!
You may believe how much I was delighted with this; and I spared not my
due acknowledgments.
When her ladyship took leave, to go to bed, she said, Goodnight to you,
heartily, and to your good man. I kissed you when I came in, out of
form; but I now kiss you out of more than form, I'll assure you.
Join with me, my dear parents, in my joy for this happy turn; the
contrary of which I so much dreaded, and was the only difficulty I had to
labour with. This poor Miss Sally Godfrey, I wonder what's become of
her, poor soul! I wish he would, of his own head, mention her again.--
Not that I am very uneasy, neither.--You'll say, I must be a little
saucy, if I was.
My dear master gave me an account, when we went up, of the pains he had
taken with his beloved sister, as he himself styled her; and of all the
kind things the good families had said in my behalf; and that he observed
she was not so much displeased with hearing them, as she was at first;
when she would not permit any body to speak of me as his wife: And that
my health, as his spouse, being put; when it came to her, she drank it;
but said, Come, brother, here's your Pamela to you: But I shall not know
how to stand this affair, when the Countess----, and the young ladies,
come to visit me. One of these young ladies was the person she was so
fond of promoting a match for, with her brother.--Lady Betty, I know, she
said, will rally me smartly upon it; and you know, brother, she wants
neither wit nor satire. He said, I hope, Lady Betty, whenever she
marries, will meet with a better husband than I should have made her;
for, in my conscience, I think I should hardly have made a tolerable one
to any but Pamela.
He told me that they rallied him on the stateliness of his temper; and
said, They saw he would make an exceeding good husband where he was; but
it must be owing to my meekness, more than to his complaisance; for, said
Miss Darnford, I could see well enough, when your ladyship detained her,
though he had but hinted his desire of finding her at our house, he was
so out of humour at her supposed noncompliance, that mine and my sister's
pity for her was much more engaged, than our envy.
Ay, said my lady, he is too lordly a creature, by much; and can't bear
disappointment, nor ever could.
Said he, Well, Lady Davers, you should not, of all persons, find fault
with me; for I bore a great deal from you, before I was at all angry.
Yes, replied she: but when I had gone a little too far, as I own I did,
you made me pay for it severely enough! You know you did, sauce-box.
And the poor thing too, added she, that I took with me for my advocate,
so low had he brought me! he treated her in such a manner as made my
heart ache for her: But part was art, I know, to make me think the better
of her.
Indeed, sister, said he, there was very little of that; for, at that
time, I cared not what you thought, nor had complaisance enough to have
given a shilling for your good or bad opinion of her or me. And, I own,
I was displeased to be broken in upon, after your provocations, by either
of you and she must learn that lesson, never to come near me, when I am
in those humours; which shall be as little as possible: For, after a
while, if let alone, I always come to myself, and am sorry for the
violence of a temper, so like my dear sister's here: And, for this reason
think it is no matter how few witnesses I have of its intemperance, while
it lasts; especially since every witness, whether they merit it or not,
as you see in my Pamela's case, must be a sufferer by it, if, unsent for,
they come in my way.
He repeated the same lesson to me again, and enforced it and owned, that
he was angry with me in earnest, just then; though more with himself,
afterwards, for being so: But when, Pamela, said he, you wanted to
transfer all my displeasure upon yourself, it was so much braving me with
your merit, as if I must soon end my anger, if placed there; or it was
making it so light to you, that I was truly displeased: for, continued
he, I cannot bear that you should wish, on any occasion whatever, to have
me angry with you, or not to value my displeasure as the heaviest
misfortune that could befall you.
But, sir, said I, you know, that what I did was to try to reconcile my
lady; and, as she herself observed, it was paying her a high regard. It
was so, replied he; but never think of making a compliment to her, or any
body living, at my expense. Besides, she had behaved herself so
intolerably, that I began to think you had stooped too much, and more
than I ought to permit my wife to do; and acts of meanness are what I
can't endure in any body, but especially where I love: and as she had
been guilty of a very signal one, I had much rather have renounced her at
that time, than have been reconciled to her.
Sir, said I, I hope I shall always comport myself so, as not wilfully to
disoblige you for the future; and the rather do I hope this, as I am sure
I shall want only to know your pleasure to obey it. But this instance
shews me, that I may much offend, without designing it in the least.
Now, Pamela, replied he, don't be too serious: I hope I shan't be a very
tyrannical husband to you: Yet do I not pretend to be perfect, or to be
always governed by reason in my first transports; and I expect, from your
affection, that you will bear with me when you find me wrong. I have no
ungrateful spirit, and can, when cool, enter as impartially into myself
as most men; and then I am always kind and acknowledging, in proportion
as I have been out of the way.
But to convince you, my dear, continued he, of your fault, (I mean, with
regard to the impetuosity of my temper; for there was no fault in your
intention, that I acknowledge,) I'll observe only, that you met, when you
came to me, while I was so out of humour, a reception you did not expect,
and a harsh word or two that you did not deserve. Now, had you not
broken in upon me while my anger lasted, but staid till I had come to
you, or sent to desire your company, you'd have seen none of this; but
that affectionate behaviour, which I doubt not you'll always merit, and I
shall always take pleasure in expressing: and in this temper shall you
always find a proper influence over me: But you must not suppose,
whenever I am out of humour, that, in opposing yourself to my passion,
you oppose a proper butt to it; but when you are so good, like the
slender reed, to bend to the hurricane, rather than, like the sturdy oak,
to resist it, you will always stand firm in my kind opinion, while a
contrary conduct would uproot you, with all your excellencies, from my
soul.
Sir, said I, I will endeavour to conform myself, in all things, to your
will. I make no doubt but you will: and I'll endeavour to make my will
as conformable to reason as I can. And let me tell you, that this belief
of you is one of the inducements I have had to marry at all: for nobody
was more averse to this state than myself; and, now we are upon this
subject, I'll tell you why I was so averse.
We people of fortune, or such as are born to large expectations, of both
sexes, are generally educated wrong. You have occasionally touched upon
this, Pamela, several times in your journal, so justly, that I need say
the less to you. We are usually so headstrong, so violent in our wills,
that we very little bear control.
Humoured by our nurses, through the faults of our parents, we practise
first upon them; and shew the gratitude of our dispositions, in an
insolence that ought rather to be checked and restrained, than
encouraged.
Next, we are to be indulged in every thing at school; and our masters and
mistresses are rewarded with further grateful instances of our boisterous
behaviour.
But, in our wise parents' eyes, all looks well, all is forgiven and
excused; and for no other reason, but because we are theirs.
Our next progression is, we exercise our spirits, when brought home, to
the torment and regret of our parents themselves, and torture their
hearts by our undutiful and perverse behaviour to them, which, however
ungrateful in us, is but the natural consequence of their culpable
indulgence to us, from infancy upwards.
And then, next, after we have, perhaps, half broken their hearts, a wife
is looked out for: convenience, or birth, or fortune, are the first
motives, affection the last (if it is at all consulted): and two people
thus educated, thus trained up, in a course of unnatural ingratitude, and
who have been headstrong torments to every one who has had a share in
their education, as well as to those to whom they owe their being, are
brought together; and what can be expected, but that they should pursue,
and carry on, the same comfortable conduct in matrimony, and join most
heartily to plague one another? And, in some measure, indeed, this is
right; because hereby they revenge the cause of all those who have been
aggrieved and insulted by them, upon one another.
The gentleman has never been controlled: the lady has never been
contradicted.
He cannot bear it from one whose new relation, he thinks, should oblige
her to shew a quite contrary conduct.
She thinks it very barbarous, now, for the first time, to be opposed in
her will, and that by a man from whom she expected nothing but
tenderness.
So great is the difference between what they both expect from one
another, and what they both find in each other, that no wonder
misunderstandings happen; that these ripen to quarrels; that acts of
unkindness pass, which, even had the first motive to their union been
affection, as usually it is not, would have effaced all manner of tender
impressions on both sides.
Appeals to parents or guardians often ensue. If, by mediation of
friends, a reconciliation takes place, it hardly ever holds: for why?
The fault is in the minds of both, and neither of them will think so; so
that the wound (not permitted to be probed) is but skinned over, and
rankles still at the bottom, and at last breaks out with more pain and
anguish than before. Separate beds are often the consequence; perhaps
elopements: if not, an unconquerable indifference, possibly aversion.
And whenever, for appearance-sake, they are obliged to be together, every
one sees, that the yawning husband, and the vapourish wife, are truly
insupportable to one another; but separate, have freer spirits, and can
be tolerable company.
Now, my dear, I would have you think, and I hope you will have no other
reason, that had I married the first lady in the land, I would not have
treated her better than I will my Pamela. For my wife is my wife; and I
was the longer in resolving on the state, because I knew its requisites,
and doubted my conduct in it.
I believe I am more nice than many gentlemen; but it is because I have
been a close observer of the behaviour of wedded folks, and hardly ever
have seen it to be such as I could like in my own case. I shall,
possibly, give you instances of a more particular nature of this, as we
are longer, and, perhaps, I might say, better acquainted.
Had I married with the views of many gentlemen, and with such as my good
sister (supplying the place of my father and mother,) would have
recommended, I had wedded a fine lady, brought up pretty much in my own
manner, and used to have her will in every thing.
Some gentlemen can come into a compromise; and, after a few struggles,
sit down tolerably contented. But, had I married a princess, I could not
have done so. I must have loved her exceedingly well, before I had
consented to knit the knot with her, and preferred her to all her sex;
for without this, Pamela, indifferences, if not disgusts, will arise in
every wedded life, that could not have made me happy at home; and there
are fewer instances, I believe, of men's loving better, after matrimony,
than of women's; the reason of which 'tis not my present purpose to
account for.
Then I must have been morally sure, that she preferred me to all men;
and, to convince me of this, she must have lessened, not aggravated, my
failings: She must have borne with my imperfections; she must have
watched and studied my temper; and if ever she had any points to carry,
any desire of overcoming, it must have been by sweetness and
complaisance; and yet not such a slavish one, as should make her
condescension seem to be rather the effect of her insensibility, than
judgment or affection.
She should not have given cause for any part of my conduct to her to wear
the least aspect of compulsion or force. The word command, on my side,
or obedience on hers, I would have blotted from my vocabulary. For this
reason I should have thought it my duty to have desired nothing of her,
that was not significant, reasonable, or just; and that then she should,
on hers, have shewn no reluctance, uneasiness, or doubt, to oblige me,
even at half a word.
I would not have excused her to let me twice enjoin the same thing, while
I took so much care to make her compliance with me reasonable, and such
as should not destroy her own free agency, in points that ought to be
allowed her: And if I was not always right, that yet she would bear with
me, if she saw me set upon it; and expostulate with me on the right side
of compliance; for that would shew me, (supposing small points in
dispute, from which the greatest quarrels, among friends, generally
arise,) that she differed from me, not for contradiction-sake, but
desired to convince me for my own; and that I should, another time, take
better resolutions.
This would be so obliging a conduct, that I should, in justice, have
doubled my esteem for one, who, to humour me, could give up her own
judgment; and I should see she could have no other view in her
expostulations, after her compliance had passed, than to rectify my
motions for the future; and it would have been impossible then, but I
must have paid the greater deference to her opinion and advice in more
momentous matters.
In all companies she must have shewn, that she had, whether I deserved it
altogether or not, a high regard and opinion of me; and this the rather,
as such a conduct in her would be a reputation and security to herself:
For if we rakes attempt a married lady, our first encouragement,
exclusive of our own vanity, arises from the indifferent opinion, slight,
or contempt, she expresses of her husband.
I should expect, therefore, that she should draw a kind veil over my
faults; that such as she could not hide, she would extenuate; that she
would place my better actions in an advantageous light, and shew that I
had her good opinion, at least, whatever liberties the world took with my
character.
She must have valued my friends for my sake; been cheerful and easy,
whomsoever I had brought home with me; and, whatever faults she had
observed in me, have never blamed me before company; at least, with such
an air of superiority, as should have shewn she had a better opinion of
her own judgment, than of mine.
Now, my Pamela, this is but a faint sketch of the conduct I must have
expected from my wife, let her quality have been what it would; or have
lived with her on bad terms. Judge then, if to me a lady of the modish
taste could have been tolerable.
The perverseness and contradiction I have too often seen, in some of my
visits, even among people of sense, as well as condition, had prejudiced
me to the married state; and, as I knew I could not bear it, surely I was
in the right to decline it: And you see, my dear, that I have not gone
among this class of people for a wife; nor know I, indeed, where, in any
class, I could have sought one, or had one suitable to my mind, if not
you: For here is my misfortune; I could not have been contented to have
been but moderately happy in a wife.
Judge you, from all this, if I could very well bear that you should think
yourself so well secured of my affection, that you could take the faults
of others upon yourself; and, by a supposed supererogatory merit, think
your interposition sufficient to atone for the faults of others.
Yet am I not perfect myself: No, I am greatly imperfect. Yet will I not
allow, that my imperfections shall excuse those of my wife, or make her
think I ought to bear faults in her, that she can rectify, because she
bears greater from me.
Upon the whole, I may expect, that you will bear with me, and study my
temper, till, and only till, you see I am capable of returning insult for
obligation; and till you think, that I shall be of a gentler deportment,
if I am roughly used, than otherwise. One thing more I will add, That I
should scorn myself, if there was one privilege of your sex, that a
princess might expect, as my wife, to be indulged in, that I would not
allow to my Pamela; for you are the wife of my affections: I never wished
for one before you, nor ever do I hope to have another.
I hope, sir, said I, my future conduct--Pardon me, said he, my dear, for
interrupting you; but it is to assure you, that I am so well convinced of
your affectionate regard for me, that I know I might have spared the
greatest part of what I have said: And, indeed, it must be very bad for
both of us, if I should have reason to think it necessary to say so much.
But one thing has brought on another; and I have rather spoken what my
niceness has made me observe in other families, than what I fear in my
own. And, therefore, let me assure you, I am thoroughly satisfied with
your conduct hitherto. You shall have no occasion to repent it: And you
shall find, though greatly imperfect, and passionate, on particular
provocations, (which yet I will try to overcome,) that you have not a
brutal or ungenerous husband, who is capable of offering insult for
condescension, or returning evil for good.
I thanked him for these kind rules, and generous assurances: and assured
him, that they had made so much impression on my mind, that these, and
his most agreeable injunctions before given me, and such as he should
hereafter be pleased to give me, should be so many rules for my future
behaviour.
And I am glad of the method I have taken of making a Journal of all that
passes in these first stages of my happiness, because it will sink the
impression still deeper; and I shall have recourse to them for my better
regulation, as often as I shall mistrust my memory.
Let me see: What are the rules I am to observe from this awful lecture?
Why these:
1. That I must not, when he is in great wrath with any body, break in
upon him without his leave. Well, I'll remember it, I warrant. But yet
I think this rule is almost peculiar to himself.
2. That I must think his displeasure the heaviest thing that can befall
me. To be sure I shall.
3. And so that I must not wish to incur it, to save any body else. I'll
be further if I do.
4. That I must never make a compliment to any body at his expense.
5. That I must not be guilty of any acts of wilful meanness. There is a
great deal meant in this; and I'll endeavour to observe it all. To be
sure, the occasion on which he mentions this, explains it; that I must
say nothing, though in anger, that is spiteful or malicious; that is
disrespectful or undutiful, and such-like.
6. That I must bear with him, even when I find him in the wrong. This
is a little hard, as the case may be!
I wonder whether poor Miss Sally Godfrey be living or dead!
7. That I must be as flexible as the reed in the fable, lest, by
resisting the tempest, like the oak, I be torn up by the roots. Well,
I'll do the best I can!--There is no great likelihood, I hope, that I
should be too perverse; yet sure, the tempest will not lay me quite level
with the ground, neither.
8. That the education of young people of condition is generally wrong.
Memorandum; That if any part of children's education fall to my lot, I
never indulge and humour them in things that they ought to be restrained
in.
9. That I accustom them to bear disappointments and control.
10. That I suffer them not to be too much indulged in their infancy.
11. Nor at school.
12. Nor spoil them when they come home.
13. For that children generally extend their perverseness from the nurse
to the schoolmaster: from the schoolmaster to the parents:
14. And, in their next step, as a proper punishment for all, make their
ownselves unhappy.
15. That undutiful and perverse children make bad husbands and wives:
And, collaterally, bad masters and mistresses.
16. That, not being subject to be controlled early, they cannot, when
married, bear one another.
17. That the fault lying deep, and in the minds of each other, neither
will mend it.
18. Whence follow misunderstandings, quarrels, appeals, ineffectual
reconciliations, separations, elopements; or, at best, indifference;
perhaps, aversion.--Memorandum; A good image of unhappy wedlock, in the
words YAWNING HUSBAND, and VAPOURISH WIFE, when together: But separate,
both quite alive.
19. Few married persons behave as he likes. Let me ponder this with awe
and improvement.
20. Some gentlemen can compromise with their wives, for quietness sake;
but he can't. Indeed I believe that's true; I don't desire he should.
21. That love before marriage is absolutely necessary.
22. That there are fewer instances of men's than women's loving better
after marriage. But why so? I wish he had given his reasons for this!
I fancy they would not have been to the advantage of his own sex.
23. That a woman give her husband reason to think she prefers him before
all men. Well, to be sure this should be so.
24. That if she would overcome, it must be by sweetness and
complaisance; that is, by yielding, he means, no doubt.
25. Yet not such a slavish one neither, as should rather seem the effect
of her insensibility, than judgment or affection.
26. That the words COMMAND and OBEY shall be blotted out of the
Vocabulary. Very good!
27. That a man should desire nothing of his wife, but what is
significant, reasonable, just. To be sure, that is right.
28. But then, that she must not shew reluctance, uneasiness, or doubt,
to oblige him; and that too at half a word; and must not be bid twice to
do one thing. But may not there be some occasions, where this may be a
little dispensed with? But he says afterwards, indeed,
29. That this must be only while he took care to make her compliance
reasonable, and consistent with her free agency, in points that ought to
be allowed her. Come, this is pretty well, considering.
30. That if the husband be set upon a wrong thing, she must not dispute
with him, but do it and, expostulate afterwards. Good sirs! I don't know
what to say to this! It looks a little hard, methinks! This would bear
a smart debate, I fancy, in a parliament of women. But then he says,
31. Supposing they are only small points that are in dispute. Well,
this mends it a little. For small points, I think, should not be stood
upon.
32. That the greatest quarrels among friends (and wives and husbands
are, or should be, friends) arise from small matters. I believe this is
very true; for I had like to have had anger here, when I intended very
well.
33. That a wife should not desire to convince her husband for
CONTRADICTION sake, but for HIS OWN. As both will find their account in
this, if one does, I believe 'tis very just.
34. That in all companies a wife must shew respect and love to her
husband.
35. And this for the sake of her own reputation and security; for,
36. That rakes cannot have a greater encouragement to attempt a married
lady's virtue, than her slight opinion of her husband. To be sure this
stands to reason, and is a fine lesson.
37. That a wife should therefore draw a kind veil over her husband's
faults.
38. That such as she could not conceal, she should extenuate.
39. That his virtues she should place in an advantageous light
40. And shew the world, that he had HER good opinion at least.
41. That she must value his friends for his sake.
42. That she must be cheerful and easy in her behaviour, to whomsoever
he brings home with him.
43. That whatever faults she sees in him, she never blame him before
company.
44. At least, with such an air of superiority, as if she had a less
opinion of his judgment than her own.
45. That a man of nice observation cannot be contented to be only
moderately happy in a wife.
46. That a wife take care how she ascribe supererogatory merit to
herself; so as to take the faults of others upon her.
Indeed, I think it is well if we can bear our own! This is of the same
nature with the third; and touches upon me, on the present occasion, for
this wholesome lecture.
47. That his imperfections must not be a plea for hers. To be sure,
'tis no matter how good the women are; but 'tis to be hoped men will
allow a little. But, indeed, he says,
48. That a husband, who expects all this, is to be incapable of
returning insult for obligation, or evil for good; and ought not to
abridge her of any privilege of her sex.
Well, my dear parents, I think this last rule crowns the rest, and makes
them all very tolerable; and a generous man, and a man of sense, cannot
be too much obliged. And, as I have this happiness, I shall be very
unworthy, if I do not always so think, and so act.
Yet, after all, you'll see I have not the easiest task in the world. But
I know my own intentions, that I shall not wilfully err; and so fear the
less.
Not one hint did he give, that I durst lay hold of, about poor Miss Sally
Godfrey. I wish my lady had not spoken of it: for it has given me a
curiosity that is not quite so pretty in me; especially so early in my
nuptials, and in a case so long ago past. Yet he intimated too, to his
sister, that he had had other faults, (of this sort, I suppose,) that had
not come to her knowledge!--But I make no doubt he has seen his error,
and will be very good for the future. I wish it, and pray it may be so,
for his own dear sake!
Wednesday, the seventh.
When I arose in the morning, I went to wait on Lady Davers, seeing her
door open; and she was in bed, but awake, and talking to her woman. I
said, I hope I don't disturb your ladyship. Not at all, said she; I am
glad to see you. How do you do? Well, added she, when do you set out
for Bedfordshire?--I said, I can't tell, madam; it was designed as to-
day, but I have heard no more of it.
Sit down, said she, on the bed-side.--I find, by the talk we had
yesterday and last night, you have had but a poor time of it, Pamela, (I
must call you so yet, said she,) since you were brought to this house,
till within these few days. And Mrs. Jewkes too has given Beck such an
account, as makes me pity you.
Indeed, madam, said I, if your ladyship knew all, you would pity me; for
never poor creature was so hard put to it. But I ought to forget it all
now, and be thankful.
Why, said she, as far as I can find, 'tis a mercy you are here now. I
was sadly moved with some part of your story and you have really made a
noble defence, and deserve the praises of all our sex.
It was God enabled me, madam, replied I. Why, said she, 'tis the more
extraordinary, because I believe, if the truth was known, you loved the
wretch not a little. While my trials lasted, madam, said I, I had not a
thought of any thing, but to preserve my innocence, much less of love.
But, tell me truly, said she, did you not love him all the time? I had
always, madam, answered I, a great reverence for my master, and thought
all his good actions doubly good and for his naughty ones, though I
abhorred his attempts upon me, yet I could not hate him; and always
wished him well; but I did not know that it was love. Indeed I had not
the presumption.
Sweet girl! said she; that's prettily said: But when he found he could
not gain his ends, and began to be sorry for your sufferings, and to
admire your virtue, and to profess honourable love to you, what did you
think?
Think! Indeed, madam, I did not know what to think! could neither hope
nor believe so great an honour would fall to my lot, and feared more from
his kindness, for some time, than I had done from his unkindness: And,
having had a private intimation, from a kind friend, of a sham marriage,
intended by means of a man who was to personate a minister, it kept my
mind in too much suspense, to be greatly overjoyed at his kind
declaration.
Said she, I think he did make two or three attempts upon you in
Bedfordshire? Yes, madam, said I; he was very naughty, to be sure.
And here he proposed articles to you, I understand? Yes, madam, replied
I; but I abhorred so much the thoughts of being a kept creature, that I
rejected them with great boldness; and was resolved to die before I would
consent to them.
He afterwards attempted you, I think: Did he not? O yes, madam, said I,
a most sad attempt he made! and I had like to have been lost; for Mrs.
Jewkes was not so good as she should have been. And so I told her
ladyship that sad affair, and how I fell into fits; and that they
believing me dying, forbore.--Any attempts after this base one? she said.
He was not so good as he should have been, returned I, once in the
garden, afterwards; but I was so watchful, and so ready to take the
alarm!
But, said she, did he not threaten you, at times, and put on his stern
airs, every now and then?--Threaten, madam, replied I; yes, I had enough
of that! I thought I should have died for fear several times.--How could
you bear that? said she: for he is a most daring and majestic mortal! He
has none of your puny hearts, but is as courageous as a lion; and, boy
and man, never feared any thing. I myself, said she, have a pretty good
spirit; but, when I have made him truly angry, I have always been forced
to make it up with him, as well as I could: for, child, he is not one
that is easily reconciled, I assure you.
But, after he had professed honourable love to you, did he never attempt
you again?--No, indeed, madam, he did not. But he was a good while
struggling with himself, and with his pride, as he was pleased to call
it, before he could stoop so low; and considered, and considered again:
and once, upon my saying but two or three words, that displeased him,
when he was very kind to me, he turned me out of doors, in a manner, at
an hour's warning; for he sent me above a day's journey towards my
father's; and then sent a man and horse, post-haste, to fetch me back
again; and has been exceedingly kind and gracious to me ever since, and
made me happy.
That sending you away, said she, one hour, and sending after you the
next, is exactly like my brother; and 'tis well if he don't turn you off
twice or thrice before a year comes about, if you vex him: and he would
have done the same by the first lady in the land, if he had been married
to her. Yet has he his virtues, as well as his faults; for he is
generous; nay, he is noble in his spirit; hates little dirty actions: he
delights in doing good; but does not pass over a wilful fault easily. He
is wise, prudent, sober, and magnanimous, and will not tell a lie, nor
disguise his faults; but you must not expect to have him all to yourself,
I doubt.
But I'll no more harp upon this string: You see how he was exasperated at
me; and he seemed to be angry at you too; though something of it was art,
I believe.
Indeed, madam, said I, he has been pleased to give me a most noble
lecture; and I find he was angry with me in earnest, and that it will not
be an easy task to behave unexceptionably to him: for he is very nice and
delicate in his notions, I perceive; but yet, as your ladyship says,
exceeding generous.
Well, said she, I'm glad thou hadst a little bit of his anger; else I
should have thought it art; and I don't love to be treated with low art,
any more than he; and I should have been vexed if he had done it by me.
But I understand, child, said she, that you keep a journal of all matters
that pass, and he has several times found means to get at it: Should you
care I should see it? It could not be to your disadvantage; for I find
it had no small weight with him in your favour; and I should take great
pleasure to read all his stratagems, attempts, contrivances, menaces, and
offers to you, on one hand, and all your pretty counter-plottings, which
he much praises; your resolute resistance, and the noble stand you have
made to preserve your virtue; and the steps by which his pride was
subdued, and his mind induced to honourable love, till you were made what
you now are: for it must be a rare and uncommon story; and will not only
give me great pleasure in reading, but will entirely reconcile me to the
step he has taken: and that, let me tell you, is what I never thought to
be; for I had gone a great way in bringing about a match with him and
Lady Betty--; and had said so much of it, that the earl, her father,
approved of it: and so did the Duke of ----, her uncle; and Lady Betty
herself was not averse: and now I shall be hunted to death about it; and
this has made me so outrageous as you have seen me upon the matter. But
when I can find, by your writings, that your virtue is but suitably
rewarded, it will be not only a good excuse for me, but for him, and make
me love you. There is nothing that I would not do, said I, to oblige
your ladyship; but my poor father and mother (who would rather have seen
me buried quick in the earth, than to be seduced by the greatest of
princes) have them in their hands at present; and your dear brother has
bespoken them, when they have done reading them: but, if he gives me
leave, I will shew them to your ladyship, with all my heart; not doubting
your generous allowances, as I have had his; though I have treated him
very freely all the way, while he had naughty views; and that your
ladyship would consider them as the naked sentiments of my heart, from
time to time delivered to those, whose indulgence I was sure of; and for
whose sight only they were written.
Give me a kiss now, said her ladyship, for your cheerful compliance: for
I make no doubt my brother will consent I shall see them, because they
must needs make for your honour; and I see he loves you better than any
one in the world.
I have heard, continued her ladyship, a mighty good character of your
parents, as industrious, honest, sensible, good folks, who know the
world; and, as I doubt not my brother's generosity, I am glad they will
make no ill figure in the world's eye.
Madam, said I, they are the honestest, the lovingest, and the most
conscientious couple breathing. They once lived creditably; and brought
up a great family, of which I am the youngest; but had misfortunes,
through their doing beyond their power for two unhappy brothers, who are
both dead, and whose debts they stood bound for; and so became reduced,
and, by harsh creditors, (where most of the debts were, not of their own
contracting,) turned out of all; and having, without success, tried to
set up a little country-school; (for my father understood a little of
accounts, and wrote a pretty good hand;) forced to take to hard labour;
but honest all the time; contented; never repining; and loving to one
another; and, in the midst of their poverty and disappointments, above
all temptation; and all their fear was, that I should be wicked, and
yield to temptation for the sake of worldly riches and to God's grace,
and their good lessons, and those I imbibed from my dear good lady, your
ladyship's mother, it is that I owe the preservation of my innocence,--
and the happy station I am exalted to.
She was pleased to kiss me again, and said, There is such a noble
simplicity in thy story, such an honest artlessness in thy mind, and such
a sweet humility in thy deportment, notwithstanding thy present station,
that I believe I shall be forced to love thee, whether I will or not: and
the sight of your papers, I dare say, will crown the work; will disarm my
pride, banish my resentment on Lady Betty's account, and justify my
brother's conduct; and, at the same time, redound to your own everlasting
honour, as well as to the credit of our sex: and so I make no doubt but
my brother will let me see them.
Worden, said my lady, I can say any thing before you; and you will take
no notice of our conversation; but I see you are much touched with it:
Did you ever hear any thing prettier, more unaffected, sincere, free,
easy?--No, never, madam, answered she, in my life; and it is a great
pleasure to see so happy a reconciliation taking place, where there is so
much merit.
I said, I have discovered so much prudence in Mrs. Worden, that, as well
for that, as for the confidence your ladyship places in her, I have made
no scruple of speaking my mind freely before her; and of blaming my dear
master while he was blameworthy, as well as acknowledging his
transcendent goodness to me since; which, I am sure, exceeds all I can
ever deserve. May be not, said my lady; I hope you'll be very happy in
one another; and I'll now rise, and tell him my thoughts, and ask him to
let me have the reading of your papers; for I promise myself much
pleasure in them; and shall not grudge a journey and a visit to you, to
the other house, to fetch them.
Your ladyship's favour, said I, was all I had to wish for; and if I have
that, and the continuance of your dear brother's goodness to me, I shall
be easy under whatever else may happen.
And so I took my leave, and withdrew; and she let me hear her say to Mrs.
Worden, 'Tis a charming creature, Worden!--I know not which excels; her
person, or her mind!--And so young a creature too!--Well may my brother
love her!
I am afraid, my dear father and mother, I shall now be too proud indeed.
I had once a good mind to have asked her ladyship about Miss Sally
Godfrey; but I thought it was better let alone, since she did not mention
It herself. May be I shall hear it too soon. But I hope not. I wonder,
though, whether she be living or dead.
We breakfasted together with great good temper; and my lady was very
kind, and, asking my good master, he gave leave very readily, she should
see all my papers, when you returned them to me; and he said, He was
sure, when she came to read them, she would say, that I had well deserved
the fortune I had met with: and would be of opinion, that all the
kindness of his future life would hardly be a sufficient reward for my
virtue, and make me amends for my sufferings.
My lady resolving to set out the next morning to return to her lord, my
master ordered every thing to be made ready for his doing the like to
Bedfordshire; and this evening our good neighbours will sup with us, to
take leave of my lady and us.
Wednesday night.
Nothing particular having passed at dinner or supper, but the most
condescending goodness, on my lady's side, to me; and the highest
civilities from Mr. Peters's family, from Lady Jones, from Sir Simon's
family, etc. and reciprocal good wishes all around; and a promise
obtained from my benefactor, that he would endeavour to pass a fortnight
or three weeks in these parts, before the winter set in; I shall conclude
this day with observing, that I disposed of the money my master was so
good to put into my hands, in the manner he was pleased to direct; and I
gave Mrs. Jewkes hers in such a manner as highly pleased her; and she
wished me, with tears, all kinds of happiness; and prayed me to forgive
her all her wickedness to me, as she herself called it. I begged leave
of my master to present Mrs. Worden with five guineas for a pair of
gloves; which he said was well thought of.
I should have mentioned, that Miss Darnford and I agreed upon a
correspondence, which will be no small pleasure to me; for she is an
admirable young lady, whom I prefer to every one I have seen; and I
shall, I make no doubt, improve by her letters; for she is said to have a
happy talent in writing, and is well read, for so young a lady.
Saturday.
On Thursday morning my lady set out for her own seat; and my best friend
and I, attended by Mr. Colbrand, Abraham, and Thomas, for this dear
house. Her ladyship parted with her brother and me with great
tenderness, and made me promise to send her my papers; which I find she
intends to entertain Lady Betty with, and another lady or two, her
intimates, as also her lord; and hopes to find, as I believe, in the
reading of them, some excuse for her brother's choice.
My dearest master has been all love and tenderness on the road, as he is
in every place, and on every occasion. And oh, what a delightful change
was this journey, to that which, so contrary to all my wishes, and so
much to my apprehensions, carried me hence to the Lincolnshire house!
And how did I bless God at every turn, and at every stage!
We did not arrive here till yesterday noon. Abraham rode before, to let
them know we were coming: and I had the satisfaction to find every body
there I wished to see.
When the chariot entered the court-yard, I was so strongly impressed with
the favour and mercies of God Almighty, on remembering how I was sent
away the last time I saw this house; the leave I took; the dangers I had
encountered; a poor cast-off servant girl; and now returning a joyful
wife, and the mistress, through his favour, of the noble house I was
turned out of; that I was hardly able to support the joy I felt in my
mind on the occasion. He saw how much I was moved, and tenderly asked
me, Why I seemed so affected? I told him, and lifted his dear hand to my
lips, and said, O sir! God's mercies, and your goodness to me on entering
this dear, dear place, are above my expression; I can hardly bear the
thoughts of them!--He said, Welcome, thrice welcome, joy of my life! to
your own house; and kissed my hand in return. All the common servants
stood at the windows, as unseen as they could, to observe us. He took my
hand, with the most condescending goodness in the world; and, with great
complaisance, led me into the parlour, and kissed me with the greatest
ardour. Welcome again, my dearest life! said he, a thousand times
welcome to the possession of a house that is not more mine than yours!
I threw myself at his feet: Permit me, dear sir, thus to bless God, and
thank you, for all his mercies and your goodness. O may I so behave, as
not to be utterly unworthy; and then how happy shall I be! God give me,
my dearest, said he, life and health to reward all your sweetness! and no
man can be so blest as I.
Where (said he to Abraham, who passed by the door), where is Mrs.
Jervis?--She bolted in: Here, good sir! said she; here, good madam! am I,
waiting impatiently, till called for, to congratulate you both.--I ran to
her, and clasped my arms about her neck, and kissed her; O my dear Mrs.
Jervis! said I, my other dear mother! receive your happy, happy Pamela;
and join with me to bless God, and bless our master, for all these great
things!--I was ready to sink in her arms through excess of joy, to see
the dear good woman, who had been so often a mournful witness of my
distress, as now of my triumph.--Dearest madam, said she, you do me too
much honour. Let my whole life shew the joy I take in your deserved good
fortune, and in my duty to you, for the early instance I received of your
goodness in your kind letter. O Mrs. Jervis! replied I, there all thanks
are due, both from you and me: for our dear master granted me this
blessing, as I may justly call it, the very first moment I begged it of
him. Your goodness, sir, said she, I will for ever acknowledge; and I
beg pardon for the wrong step I made in applying to my Lady Davers.--He
was so good as to salute her, and said, All is over now, Mrs. Jervis; and
I shall not remember you ever disobliged me. I always respected you, and
shall now more and more value you, for the sake of that dear good
creature, whom, with joy unfeigned, I can call my wife. God bless your
honour for ever! said she; and many many happy years may ye live
together, the envy and wonder of all who know you!
But where, said my dear master, is honest Longman? and where is
Jonathan?--Come, Mrs. Jervis, said I, you shall shew me them, and all the
good folks, presently; and let me go up with you to behold the dear
apartments, which I have seen before with such different emotions to what
I shall now do.
We went up; and in every room, the chamber I took refuge in, when my
master pursued me, my lady's chamber, her dressing-room, Mrs. Jervis's
room, not forgetting her closet, my own little bed-chamber, the green-
room, and in each of the others, I blessed God for my past escapes, and
present happiness; and the good woman was quite affected with the zeal
and pleasure with which I made my thankful acknowledgments to the divine
goodness. O my excellent lady! said she, you are still the same good,
pious, humble soul I knew you; and your marriage has added to your
graces, as I hope it will to your blessings.
Dear Mrs. Jervis, said I, you know not what I have gone through! You
know not what God has done for me! You know not what a happy creature I
am now! I have a thousand thousand things to tell you; and a whole week
will be too little, every moment of it spent in relating to you what has
befallen me, to make you acquainted with it all. We shall be sweetly
happy together, I make no doubt. But I charge you, my dear Mrs. Jervis,
whatever you call me before strangers, that when we are by ourselves you
call me nothing but your Pamela. For what an ungrateful creature should
I be, who have received so many mercies, if I attributed them not to the
divine goodness, but assumed to myself insolent airs upon them! No, I
hope I shall be, more and more thankful, as I am more and more blest! and
more humble, as God, the author of all my happiness, shall more
distinguish me.
We went down again to the parlour, to my dear master. Said he, Call
Longman in again; he longs to see you, my dear. He came in: God bless
you, my sweet lady, said he; as now, Heaven be praised, I may call you!
Did I not tell you, madam, that Providence would find you out? O, Mr.
Longman, said I, God be praised for all his mercies! I am rejoiced to
see you; and I laid my hand on his, and said, Good Mr. Longman, how do
you do?--I must always value you; and you don't know how much of my
present happiness I owe to the sheets of paper, and pens and ink, you
furnished me with. I hope my dear sir and you are quite reconciled.--O,
madam, said he, how good you are! Why, I cannot contain myself for joy!
and then he wiped his eyes; good man!
Said my master, Yes, I have been telling Longman that I am obliged to him
for his ready return to me; and that I will entirely forget his appeal to
Lady Davers; and I hope he'll find himself quite as easy and happy as he
wishes. My dear partner here, Mr. Longman, I dare promise you, will do
all she can to make you so.--Heaven bless you both together! said he.
'Tis the pride of my heart to see this! I returned with double delight,
when I heard the blessed news; and I am sure, sir, said he, (mark old
Longman's words,) God will bless you for this every year more and more!
You don't know how many hearts you have made happy by this generous
deed!--I am glad of it, said my dear master; I am sure I have made my own
happy: and, Longman, though I must think you SOMEBODY, yet, as you are
not a young man, and so won't make me jealous, I can allow you to wish my
dear wife joy in the tenderest manner. Adad! sir, said he, I am sure you
rejoice me with your favour: 'Tis what I longed for, but durst not
presume. My dear, said my master, receive the compliment of one of the
honestest hearts in England, that always revered your virtues!--and the
good man saluted me with great respect, and said, God in Heaven bless you
both! and kneeled on one knee. I must quit your presence! Indeed I
must!--And away he went.
Your goodness, sir, said I, knows no bounds: O may my gratitude never
find any!--I saw, said my master, when the good man approached you, that
he did it with so much awe and love mingled together, that I fancied he
longed to salute my angel; and I could not but indulge his honest heart.
How blessed am I! said I, and kissed his hand.--And indeed I make nothing
now of kissing his dear hand, as if it was my own!
When honest old Mr. Jonathan come in to attend at dinner, so clean, so
sleek, and so neat, as he always is, with his silver hair, I said, Well,
Mr. Jonathan, how do you do? I am glad to see you.--You look as well as
ever, thank God! O, dear madam! said he, better than ever, to have such
a blessed sight! God bless you and my good master!--and I hope, sir,
said he, you'll excuse all my past failings. Ay, that I will, Jonathan,
said he; because you never had any, but what your regard for my dear wife
here was the occasion of. And now I can tell you, you can never err,
because you cannot respect her too much. O sir, said he, your honour is
exceeding good! I'm sure I shall always pray for you both.
After dinner, Mr. Longman coming in, and talking of some affairs under
his care, he said afterwards, All your honour's servants are now happy;
for Robert, who left you, had a pretty little fortune fallen to him, or
he never would have quitted your service. He was here but yesterday, to
inquire when you and my lady returned hither; and hoped he might have
leave to pay his duty to you both. Ay, said my master, I shall be glad
to see honest Robert; for that's another of your favourites, Pamela. It
was high time, I think, I should marry you, were it but to engage the
respects of all my family to myself.--There are, sir, said I, ten
thousand reasons why I should rejoice in your goodness.
But I was going to say, said Mr. Longman, That all your honour's old
servants are now happy, but one. You mean John Arnold? said my master.
I do, indeed, said he, if you'll excuse me, sir. O, said I, I have had
my prayer for poor John answered, as favourably as I could wish.--Why,
said Mr. Longman, to be sure poor John has acted no very good part, take
it altogether; but he so much honoured you, sir, and so much respected
you, madam, that he would have been glad to have been obedient to both;
and so was faithful to neither. But, indeed, the poor fellow's heart is
almost broke, and he won't look out for any other place; and says, he
must live in your honour's service, or he must die wretched very shortly.
Mrs. Jervis was there when this was said: Indeed, said she, the poor man
has been here every day since he heard the tidings, that have rejoiced us
all; and he says, he hopes he shall yet be forgiven. Is he in the house
now? said my master. He is, sir; and was here when your honour came in,
and played at hide and seek to have one look at you both when you
alighted; and was ready to go out of his wits for joy, when we saw your
honour hand my lady in. Pamela, said my dear master, you're to do with
John as you please. You have full power. Then pray, sir, said I, let
poor John come in.
The poor fellow came in, with so much confusion, that I have never seen a
countenance that expressed so lively a consciousness of his faults, and
mingled joy and shame. How do you do, John? said I; I hope you are very
well!--The poor fellow could hardly speak, and looked with awe upon my
master, and pleasure upon me. Said my master, Well, John, there is no
room to say any thing to a man that has so much concern already: I am
told you will serve me whether I will or not; but I turn you over
altogether to my spouse here: and she is to do by you as she pleases.
You see, John, said I, your good master's indulgence. Well may I
forgive, that have so generous an example. I was always persuaded of
your honest intentions, if you had known how to distinguish between your
duty to your master, and your good-will to me: You will now have no more
puzzles on that account, from the goodness of your dear master. I shall
be but too happy I said the poor man. God bless your honour! God bless
you, madam!--I now have the joy of my soul, in serving you both; and I
will make the best of servants, to my power. Well, then, John, said I,
your wages will go on, as if you had not left your master: May I not say
so, sir? said I. Yes, surely, my dear, replied he; and augment them too,
if you find his duty to you deserves it. A thousand millions of thanks,
said the poor man: I am very well satisfied, and desire no augmentation.
And so he withdrew, overjoyed; and Mrs. Jervis and Mr. Longman were
highly pleased; for though they were incensed against him for his fault
to me, when matters looked badly for me, yet they, and all his fellow-
servants, always loved John.
When Mr. Longman and Mrs. Jervis had dined, they came in again, to know
if he had any commands; and my dear master, filling a glass of wine,
said, Longman, I am going to toast the happiest and honestest couple
in England, my dear Pamela's father and mother.--Thank you, dear sir,
said I.
I think, continued he, that little Kentish purchase wants a manager; and
as it is a little out of your way, Longman, I have been purposing, if I
thought Mr. Andrews would accept it, that he should enter upon Hodge's
farm that was, and so manage for me that whole little affair; and we will
well stock the farm for him, and make it comfortable; and I think, if he
will take that trouble upon him, it will be an ease to you, and a favour
to me.
Your honour, said he, cannot do a better thing; and I have had some
inkling given me, that you may, if you please, augment that estate, by a
purchase, of equal amount, contiguous to it; and as you have so much
money to spare, I can't see your honour can do better. Well, said he,
let me have the particulars another time, and we will consider about it.
But, my dear, added he, you'll mention this to your father, if you
please.
I have too much money, Longman, continued he, lies useless; though, upon
this occasion, I shall not grudge laying out as much in liveries and
other things, as if I had married a lady of a fortune equal, if possible,
to my Pamela's merit; and I reckon you have a good deal in hand. Yes,
sir, said he, more than I wish I had. But I have a mortgage in view, if
you don't buy that Kentish thing, that I believe will answer very well;
and when matters are riper, will mention it to your honour.
I took with me, to Lincolnshire, said my master, upwards of six hundred
guineas, and thought to have laid most of them out there: (Thank God,
thought I, you did not! for he offered me five hundred of them, you
know:) but I have not laid out above two hundred and fifty of them; so
two hundred I left there in my escritoire; because I shall go again for a
fortnight or so, before winter; and two hundred I have brought with me:
and I have money, I know not what, in three places here, the account of
which is in my pocket-book, in my library.
You have made some little presents, Pamela, to my servants there, on our
nuptials; and these two hundred that I have brought up, I will put into
your disposal, that, with some of them, you shall do here as you did
there.
I am ashamed, good sir, said I, to be so costly, and so worthless! Pray,
my dear, replied he, say not a word of that. Said Mr. Longman, Why,
madam, with money in stocks, and one thing or another, his honour could
buy half the gentlemen around him. He wants not money, and lays up every
year. And it would have been pity but his honour should have wedded just
as he has. Very true, Longman, said my master; and, pulling out his
purse, said, Tell out, my dear, two hundred guineas, and give me the
rest.--I did so. Now, said he, take them yourself, for the purposes I
mentioned. But, Mr. Longman, do you, before sunset, bring my dear girl
fifty pounds, which is due to her this day, by my promise; and every
three months, from this day, pay her fifty pounds; which will be two
hundred pounds per annum; and this is for her to lay out at her own
discretion, and without account, in such a way as shall derive a blessing
upon us all: for she was my mother's almoner, and shall be mine, and her
own too.--I'll go for it this instant, said Mr. Longman.
When he was done, I looked upon my dear generous master, and on Mrs.
Jervis, and he gave me a nod of assent; and I took twenty guineas, and
said, Dear Mrs. Jervis, accept of this, which is no more than my generous
master ordered me to present to Mrs. Jewkes, for a pair of gloves, on my
happy nuptials; and so you, who are much better entitled to them by the
love I bear you, must not refuse them.
Said she, Mrs. Jewkes was on the spot, madam, at the happy time. Yes,
said my master; but Pamela would have rejoiced to have had you there
instead of her. That I should, sir, replied I, or instead of any body,
except my own mother. She gratefully accepted them, and thanked us both:
But I don't know what she should thank me for; for I was not worth a
fourth of them myself.
I'd have you, my dear, said he, in some handsome manner, as you know how,
oblige Longman to accept of the like present.
Mr. Longman returned from his office, and brought me the fifty pounds,
saying, I have entered this new article with great pleasure: 'To my Lady
fifty pounds: to be paid the same sum quarterly.' O sir! said I, what
will become of me, to be so poor in myself, and so rich in your bounty!--
It is a shame to take all that your profuse goodness would heap upon me
thus: But indeed it shall not be without account.--Make no words, my
dear, said he: Are you not my wife? And have I not endowed you with my
goods; and, hitherto, this is a very small part.
Mr. Longman, said I, and Mrs. Jervis, you both see how I am even
oppressed with unreturnable obligations. God bless the donor, and the
receiver too! said Mr. Longman: I am sure they will bring back good
interest; for, madam, you had ever a bountiful heart; and I have seen the
pleasure you used to take to dispense my late lady's alms and donations.
I'll warrant, Mr. Longman, said I, notwithstanding you are so willing to
have me take large sums for nothing at all, I should affront you, if I
asked you to accept from me a pair of gloves only, on account of my happy
nuptials. He seemed not readily to know how to answer; and my master
said, If Longman refuse you, my dear, he may be said to refuse your first
favour. On that I put twenty guineas in his hand; but he insisted upon
it, that he would take but five. I said, I must desire you to oblige me,
Mr. Longman, or I shall think I have affronted you. Well, if I must,
said he, I know what I know. What is that, Mr. Longman? said I.--Why,
madam, said he, I will not lay it out till my young master's birth-day,
which I hope will be within this twelvemonth.
Not expecting anything like this from the old gentleman, I looked at my
master, and then blushed so, I could not hold up my head. Charmingly
said, Longman! said my master, and clasped me in his arms: O, my dear
life! God send it may be so!--You have quite delighted me, Longman!
Though I durst not have said such a thing for the world.--Madam, said the
old gentleman, I beg your pardon; I hope no offence: but I'd speak it ten
times in a breath to have it so, take it how you please, as long as my
good master takes it so well. Mrs. Jervis, said my master, this is an
over-nice dear creature; you don't know what a life I have had with her,
even on this side matrimony.--Said Mrs. Jervis, I think Mr. Longman says
very well; I am sure I shall hope for it too.
Mr. Longman, who had struck me of a heap, withdrawing soon after, my
master said, Why, my dear, you can't look up! The old man said nothing
shocking. I did not expect it, though, from him, said I. I was not
aware but of some innocent pleasantry. Why, so it was, said he, both
innocent and pleasant: and I won't forgive you, if you don't say as he
says. Come, speak before Mrs. Jervis. May every thing happen, sir, said
I, that will give you delight!--That's my dearest love, said he, and
kissed me with great tenderness.
When the servants had dined, I desired to see the maidens; and all four
came up together. You are welcome home, madam, said Rachel; we rejoice
all to see you here, and more to see you our lady. O my good old
acquaintances, said I, I joy to see you! How do you do, Rachel? How do
you all do? And I took each of them by the hand, and could have kissed
them. For, said I to myself, I kissed you all, last time I saw you, in
sorrow; why should I not kiss you all with joy? But I forbore, in honour
of their master's presence.
They seemed quite transported with me: and my good master was pleased
with the scene. See here, my lasses, said he, your mistress! I need not
bid you respect her; for you always loved her; and she'll have it as much
in her power as inclination to be kind to the deserving. Indeed, said I,
I shall always be a kind friend to you; and your dear master has ordered
me to give each of you this, that you may rejoice with me on my
happiness. And so I gave them five guineas a-piece, and said, God bless
you every one! I am overjoyed to see you! And they withdrew with the
greatest gratitude and pleasure, praying for us both.
I turned to my dear master: 'Tis to you, dear sir, said I, next to God,
who put it into your generous heart, that all my happiness is owing!
That my mind thus overflows with joy and gratitude! And I would have
kissed his hand; but he clasped me in his arms, and said, You deserve it,
my dear: You deserve it all. Mrs. Jervis came in. Said she, I have seen
a very affecting sight; you have made your maidens quite happy, madam,
with your kindness and condescension! I saw them all four, as I came by
the hall-door, just got up from their knees, praising and praying for you
both! Dear good bodies! said I; and did Jane pray too? May their
prayers be returned upon themselves, I say!
My master sent for Jonathan, and I held up all the fingers of my two
hands; and my master giving a nod of approbation as he came in, I said,
Well, Mr. Jonathan, I could not be satisfied without seeing you in form,
as it were, and thanking you for all your past good-will to me. You'll
accept of that, for a pair of gloves, on this happy occasion; and I gave
him ten guineas, and took his honest hand between both mine: God bless
you, said I, with your silver hairs, so like my dear father!--I shall
always value such a good old servant of the best of masters!--He said, O
such goodness! Such kind words! It is balm to my heart! Blessed be God
I have lived to this day!--And his eyes swam in tears, and he withdrew.--
My dear, said my master, you make every one happy!--O, sir, said I, 'tis
you, 'tis you! And let my grateful heart always spring to my lips, to
acknowledge the blessings you heap upon me.
Then in came Harry, and Isaac, and Benjamin, and the two grooms of this
house, and Arthur the gardener; for my dear master had ordered them, by
Mrs. Jervis, thus to be marshalled out: and he said, Where's John? Poor
John was ashamed, and did not come in till he heard himself called for.
I said to them, How do you do, my old friends and fellow-servants? I am
glad to see you all.
My master said, I have given you a mistress, my lads, that is the joy of
my heart: You see her goodness and condescension! Let your respects to
her be but answerable, and she'll be proportionately as great a blessing
to you all, as she is to me. Harry said, In the names of all your
servants, sir, I bless your honour, and your good lady: and it shall be
all our studies to deserve her ladyship's favours, as well as your
honour's. And so I gave every one five guineas, to rejoice, as I said,
in my happiness.
When I came to John, I said, I saw you before, John; but I again tell
you, I am glad to see you. He said, he was quite ashamed and confounded.
O, said I, forget every thing that's past, John!--Your dear good master
will, and so will I. For God has wonderfully brought about all these
things, by the very means I once thought most grievous. Let us,
therefore, look forward, and be only ashamed to commit faults for the
time to come: for they may not always be attended with like happy
consequences.
Arthur, said my master, I have brought you a mistress that is a great
gardener. She'll shew you a new way to plant beans: And never any body
had such a hand at improving a sun-flower as she!--O sir, sir, said I,
(but yet a little dashed,) all my improvements in every kind of thing are
owing to you, I am sure!--And so I think I was even with the dear man,
and yet appeared grateful before his servants. They withdrew, blessing
us both, as the rest had done. And then came in the postilion, and two
helpers, (for my master has both here, and at Lincolnshire, fine hunting
horses; and it is the chief sport he takes delight in,) as also the
scullion-boy: And I said, How do all of you? And how dost do, Tommy? I
hope you're very good. Here your dear master has ordered you something
a-piece, in honour of me. And my master holding three fingers to me, I
gave the postilion and helpers three guineas each, and the little boy
two; and bid him let his poor mother lay it out for him, for he must not
spend it idly. Mr. Colbrand, Abraham, and Thomas, I had before presented
at t'other house.
And when they were all gone but Mrs. Jervis, I said, And now, dearest
sir, permit me, on my knees, thus to bless you, and pray for you. And
oh, may God crown you with length of days, and increase of honour; and
may your happy, happy Pamela, by her grateful heart, appear always worthy
in your dear eyes, though she cannot be so in her own, nor in those of
any others!
Mrs. Jervis, said my master, you see the excellency of this sweet
creature! And when I tell you that the charms of her person, all lovely
as she is, bind me not so strongly to her, as the graces of her mind;
congratulate me, that my happiness is built on so stable a basis. Indeed
I do, most sincerely, sir, said she: This is a happy day to me!
I stept into the library, while he was thus pouring out his kindness for
me to Mrs. Jervis; and blessed God there on my knees, for the difference
I now found to what I had once known in it.--And when I have done the
same in the first scene of my fears, the once frightful summer-house, I
shall have gone through most of my distressful scenes with gratitude; but
shall never forbear thanking God in my mind, for his goodness to me in
every one. Mrs. Jervis, I find, had whispered him what I had done above,
and he saw me upon my knees, with my back towards him, unknown to me; but
softly put to the door again, as he had opened it a little way. And I
said, not knowing he had seen me, You have some charming pictures here,
sir.--Yes, said he, my dear life, so I have; but none equal to that which
your piety affords me; And may the God you delight to serve, bless more
and more my dear angel!--Sir, said I, you are all goodness!--I hope,
replied he, after your sweet example, I shall be better and better.
Do you think, my dear father and mother, there ever was so happy a
creature as I? To be sure it would be very ungrateful to think with
uneasiness, or any thing but compassion, of poor Miss Sally Godfrey.
He ordered Jonathan to let the evening be passed merrily, but wisely, as
he said, with what every one liked, whether wine or October.
He was pleased afterwards to lead me up stairs, and gave me possession of
my lady's dressing-room and cabinet, and her fine repeating-watch and
equipage; and, in short, of a complete set of diamonds, that were his
good mother's; as also of the two pair of diamond ear-rings, the two
diamond rings, and diamond necklace, he mentioned in his naughty
articles, which her ladyship had intended for presents to Miss Tomlins, a
rich heiress, that was proposed for his wife, when he was just come from
his travels; but which went off, after all was agreed upon on both the
friends' sides, because he approved not her conversation; and she had, as
he told his mother, too masculine an air; and he never could be brought
to see her but once, though the lady liked him very well. He presented
me also with her ladyship's books, pictures, linen, laces, etc. that were
in her apartments; and bid me call those apartments mine. O give me, my
good God! humility and gratitude.
Sunday night.
This day, as matters could not be ready for our appearance at a better
place, we staid at home; and my dear master employed himself a good deal
in his library: And I have been taken up pretty much, I hope, as I ought
to be, in thankfulness, prayer and meditation, in my newly-presented
closet And I hope God will be pleased to give a blessing to me; for I
have the pleasure to think I am not puffed up with this great alteration;
and yet am I not wanting to look upon all these favours and blessings in
the light wherein I ought to receive them, both at the hands of Heaven,
and my dear benefactor.
We dined together with great pleasure; and I had, in every word and
action, all the instances of kindness and affection that the most
indulged heart could wish. He said he would return to his closet again;
and at five o'clock would come and take a walk with me in the garden: And
so retired as soon as he had dined, and I went up to mine.
About six, he was pleased to come up to me, and said, Now, my dear, I
will attend you for a little walk in the garden; and I gave him my hand
with great pleasure.
This garden is much better cultivated than the Lincolnshire one; but that
is larger, and has nobler walks in it; and yet there is a pretty canal in
this, and a fountain and cascade. We had a deal of sweet conversation as
we walked; and, after we had taken a turn round, I bent towards the
little garden; and when I came near the summer-house, took the
opportunity to slip from him, and just whipt up the steps of this once
frightful place, and kneeled down, and said, I bless thee, O God! for my
escapes, and for thy mercies! O let me always possess a grateful, humble
heart! and I whipt down again and joined him; and he hardly missed me.
Several of the neighbouring gentry sent their compliments to him on his
return, but not a word about his marriage; particularly Mr. Arthur, Mr.
Towers, Mr. Brooks, and Mr. Martin of the Grove.
Monday.
I had a good deal of employment in choosing patterns for my new clothes.
He thought nothing too good; but I thought every thing I saw was; and he
was so kind to pick out six of the richest for me to choose three suits
out of, saying, We would furnish ourselves with more in town, when we
went thither. One was white, flowered with silver most richly; and he
was pleased to say, that, as I was a bride, I should make my appearance
in that the following Sunday. And so we shall have in two or three days,
from several places, nothing but mantua-makers and tailors at work.
Bless me! what a chargeable and what a worthless hussy I am to the dear
gentleman!--But his fortune and station require a great deal of it; and
his value for me will not let him do less, than if he had married a
fortune equal to his own: and then, as he says, it would be a reflection
upon him, if he did.--And so I doubt it will be, as it is: For either way
the world will have something to say. He made me also choose some very
fine laces, and linen; and has sent a message on purpose, with his
orders, to hasten all down, what can be done in town, as the millinery
matters, etc. to be completed there, and sent by particular messengers,
as done. All to be here, and finished by Saturday afternoon, without
fail.
I sent away John this morning, with some more of my papers to you, and
with the few he will give you separate. My desire is, that you will send
me all the papers you have done with, that I may keep my word with Lady
Davers; to beg the continuance of your prayers and blessings; to hope you
will give me your answer about my dear benefactor's proposal of the
Kentish farm; to beg you to buy, two suits of clothes each; of the finest
cloth for you, my dear father; and of a creditable silk for my dear
mother; and good linen, and every thing answerable; and that you will, as
my best friend bid me say, let us see you here as soon as possible; and
he will have his chariot come for you, when you tell John the day. Oh!
how I long to see you both, my dear good parents, and to share with you
my felicities!
You will have, I'm sure, the goodness to go to all your creditors, which
are chiefly those of my poor unhappy brothers, and get an account of all
you are bound for; and every one shall be paid to the utmost farthing,
and interest besides, though some of them have been very cruel and
unrelenting.--But they are entitled to their own, and shall be thankfully
paid.
Now I think of it, John shall take my papers down to this place; that you
may have something to amuse you, of your dear child's, instead of those
you part with; and I will continue writing till I am settled, and you are
determined; and then I shall apply myself to the duties of the family, in
order to become as useful to my dear benefactor, as my small abilities
will let me.
If you think a couple of guineas will be of use to Mrs. Mumford, who, I
doubt, has not much aforehand, pray give them to her, from me, (and I
will return them to you,) as for a pair of gloves on my nuptials: And
look through your poor acquaintances and neighbours, and let me have a
list of such honest industrious poor, as may be true objects of charity,
and have no other assistance; particularly such as are blind, lame, or
sickly, with their several cases; and also such poor families and
housekeepers as are reduced by misfortunes, as ours was, and where a
great number of children may keep them from rising to a state of
tolerable comfort: And I will choose as well as I can; for I long to be
making a beginning, with the kind quarterly benevolence my dear good
benefactor has bestowed upon me for such good purposes.
I am resolved to keep account of all these matters, and Mr. Longman has
already furnished me with a vellum book of white paper; some sides of
which I hope soon to fill with the names of proper objects: And though my
dear master has given me all this without account, yet shall he see (but
nobody else) how I lay it out, from quarter to quarter; and I will, if
any be left, carry it on, like an accomptant, to the next quarter, and
strike a balance four times a year, and a general balance at every year's
end.--And I have written in it, Humble RETURNS for DIVINE MERCIES; and
locked it up safe in my newly-presented cabinet.
I intend to let Lady Davers see no farther of my papers, than to her own
angry letter to her brother; for I would not have her see my reflections
upon it; and she'll know, down to that place, all that's necessary for
her curiosity, as to my sufferings, and the stratagems used against me,
and the honest part I have been enabled to act: And I hope, when she has
read them all, she will be quite reconciled: for she will see it is all
God Almighty's doings; and that a gentleman of his parts and knowledge
was not to be drawn in by such a poor young body as me.
I will detain John no longer. He will tell you to read this last part
first, and while he stays. And so, with my humble duty to you both, and
my dear Mr. B----'s kind remembrance, I rest
Your ever-dutiful and gratefully happy DAUGHTER.
Wednesday evening.
HONOURED FATHER AND MOTHER!
I will now proceed with my journal.
On Tuesday morning, my dear sir rode out, and brought with him to dinner,
Mr. Martin of the Grove, and Mr. Arthur, and Mr. Brooks, and one Mr.
Chambers; and he stept up to me, and said he had rode out too far to
return to breakfast; but he had brought with him some of his old
acquaintance, to dine with me. Are you sorry for it, Pamela? said he. I
remembered his lessons, and said No, sure, sir; I cannot be angry at any
thing you are pleased to do. Said he, You know Mr. Martin's character,
and have severely censured him in one of your letters, as one of my
brother rakes, and for his three lyings-in.
He then gave me the following account, how he came to bring them. Said
he, 'I met them all at Mr. Arthur's; and his lady asked me, if I was
really married? I said, Yes, really. And to whom? said Mr. Martin.
Why, replied I, bluntly, to my mother's waiting-maid. They could not
tell what to say to me hereupon, and looked one upon another. And I saw
I had spoiled a jest, from each. Mrs. Arthur said, You have, indeed,
sir, a charming creature, as ever I saw; and she has mighty good luck.
Ay, said I, and so have I. But I shall say the less, because a man never
did any thing of this nature, that he did not think he ought, if it were
but in policy, to make the best of it. Nay, said Mr. Arthur, if you have
sinned, it is with your eyes open: for you know the world as well as any
gentleman of your years in it.'
'Why, really, gentlemen, said I, I should be glad to please all my
friends; but I can't expect, till they know my motives and inducements,
that it will be so immediately. But I do assure you, I am exceedingly
pleased myself; and that, you know, is most to the purpose.'
'Said Mr. Brooks, I have heard my wife praise your spouse that is, so
much for person and beauty, that I wanted to see her of all things. Why,
replied I, if you'll all go and take a dinner with me, you shall see her
with all my heart. And, Mrs. Arthur, will you bear us company? No,
indeed, sir, said she. What, I'll warrant, my wife will not be able to
reconcile you to my mother's waiting-maid; is not that it? Tell truth,
Mrs. Arthur. Nay, said she, I shan't be backward to pay your spouse a
visit, in company of the neighbouring ladies; but for one single woman to
go, on such a sudden motion too, with so many gentlemen, is not right.
But that need not hinder you, gentlemen. So, said he, the rest sent,
that they should not dine at home; and they and Mr. Chambers, a gentleman
lately settled in these parts, one and all came with me: And so, my dear,
concluded he, when you make your appearance next Sunday, you're sure of a
party in your favour; for all that see you must esteem you.'
He went to them; and when I came down to dinner, he was pleased to take
me by the hand, at my entrance into the parlour, and said, My dear, I
have brought some of my good neighbours to dine with you. I said, You
are very good, sir.--My dear, this gentleman is Mr. Chambers; and so he
presented every one to me; and they saluted me, and wished us both joy.
I, for my part, said Mr. Brooks, wish you joy most heartily. My wife
told me a good deal of the beauties of your person; but I did not think
we had such a flower in our country. Sir, said I, your lady is very
partial to me; and you are so polite a gentleman, that you will not
contradict your good lady.
I'll assure you, madam, returned he, you have not hit the matter at all;
for we contradict one another twice or thrice a day. But the devil's
in't if we are not agreed in so clear a case!
Said Mr. Martin, Mr. Brooks says very true, madam, in both respects;
(meaning his wife's and his own contradiction to one another, as well as
in my favour;) for, added he, they have been married some years.
As I had not the best opinion of this gentleman, nor his jest, I said, I
am almost sorry, sir, for the gentleman's jest upon himself and his lady;
but I think it should have relieved him from a greater jest, your
pleasant confirmation of it.--But still the reason you give that it may
be so, I hope, is the reason that may be given that it is not so; to wit,
that they have been married some years.
Said Mr. Arthur, Mr. Martin, I think the lady has very handsomely
reproved you. I think so too, said Mr. Chambers; and it was but a very
indifferent compliment to a bride. Said Mr. Martin, Compliment or not,
gentlemen, I have never seen a matrimony of any time standing, that it
was not so, little or much: But I dare say it will never be so here.
To be sure, sir, said I, if it was, I must be the ungratefullest person
in the world, because I am the most obliged person in it. That notion,
said Mr. Arthur, is so excellent, that it gives a moral certainty it
never can.
Sir, said Mr. Brooks to my dear master, softly, You have a most
accomplished lady, I do assure you, as well in her behaviour and wit, as
in her person, call her what you please. Why, my dear friend, said my
master, I must tell you, as I have said before now, that her person made
me her lover, but her mind made her my wife.
The first course coming in, my dear sir led me himself to my place; and
set Mr. Chambers, as the greatest stranger, at my right hand, and Mr.
Brooks at my left; and Mr. Arthur was pleased to observe, much to my
advantage, on the ease and freedom with which I behaved myself, and
helped them; and said, he would bring his lady to be a witness, and a
learner both, of my manners. I said, I should be proud of any honour
Mrs. Arthur would vouchsafe to do me; and if once I could promise myself
the opportunity of his good lady's example, and those of the other
gentlemen present, I should have the greater opinion of my worthiness to
sit in the place I filled at present with much insufficiency.
Mr. Arthur drank to my health and happiness, and said, My wife told your
spouse, madam, you had very good luck in such a husband; but I now see
who has the best of it. Said Mr. Brooks, Come, come, let's make no
compliments; for the plain truth of the matter is, our good neighbour's
generosity and judgment have met with so equal a match in his lady's
beauty and merit, that I know not which has the best luck. But may you
be both long happy together, say I! And so he drank a glass of wine.
My best friend, who always takes delight to have me praised, seemed much
pleased with our conversation; and he said the kindest, tenderest, and
most respectful things in the world to me. Insomuch, that the rough Mr.
Martin said, Did you ever think our good friend here, who used to
ridicule matrimony so much, would have made so complaisant a husband?
How long do you intend, sir, that this shall hold? As long as my good
girl deserves it, said he; and that, I hope, will be for ever. But,
continued the kind gentleman, you need not wonder I have changed my mind
as to wedlock; for I never expected to meet with one whose behaviour and
sweetness of temper were so well adapted to make me happy.
After dinner, and having drank good healths to each of their ladies, I
withdrew; and they sat and drank two bottles of claret a-piece, and were
very merry; and went away, full of my praises, and vowing to bring their
ladies to see me.
John having brought me your kind letter, my dear father, I told my good
master, after his friends were gone, how gratefully you received his
generous intentions as to the Kentish farm, and promised your best
endeavours to serve him in that estate; and that you hoped your industry
and care would be so well employed in it, that you should be very little
troublesome to him,--as to the liberal manner in which he had intended to
add to a provision, that of itself exceeded all you wished. He was very
well pleased with your cheerful acceptance of it.
I am glad your engagements in the world lie in so small a compass. As
soon as you have gotten an account of them exactly, you will be pleased
to send it me, with the list of the poor folks you are so kind to promise
to procure me.
I think, as my dear master is so generous, you should account nothing
that is plain, too good. Pray don't be afraid of laying out upon
yourselves. My dear sir intends that you shall not, when you come to us,
return to your old abode; but stay with us, till you set out for Kent;
and so you must dispose of yourselves accordingly. And I hope, my dear
father, you have quite left off all slavish business. As farmer Jones
has been kind to you, as I have heard you say, pray, when you take leave
of them, present them with three guineas worth of good books; such as a
family bible, a common prayer, a whole duty of man, or any other you
think will be acceptable; for they live a great way from church; and in
winter the ways from their farm thither are impassable.
He has brought me my papers safe: and I will send them to Lady Davers the
first opportunity, down to the place I mentioned in my last.
My dear Mr. B---- just now tells me, that he will carry me, in the
morning, a little airing, about ten miles off, in his chariot and four,
to breakfast at a farm-house, noted for a fine dairy, and where, now and
then, the neighbouring gentry, of both sexes, resort for that purpose.
Thursday.
We set out at about half an hour after six, accordingly; and driving
pretty smartly, got at this truly neat house at half an hour after eight;
and I was much pleased with the neatness of the good woman, and her
daughter and maid; and he was so good as to say he would now and then
take a turn with me to the same place, and on the same occasion, as I
seemed to like it; for that it would be a pretty exercise, and procure us
appetites to our breakfasts, as well as our return would to our dinners.
But I find this was not, though a very good reason, the only one for
which he gave me this agreeable airing; as I shall acquaint you.
We were prettily received and entertained here, and an elegancy ran
through every thing, persons as well as furniture, yet all plain. And my
master said to the good housewife, Do your young boarding-school ladies
still at times continue their visits to you, Mrs. Dobson? Yes, sir, said
she, I expect three or four of them every minute.
There is, my dear, said he, within three miles of this farm, a very good
boarding-school for ladies. The governess of it keeps a chaise and pair,
which is to be made a double chaise at pleasure; and in summer time, when
the misses perform their tasks to satisfaction, she favours them with an
airing to this place, three or four at a time; and after they have
breakfasted, they are carried back. And this serves both for a reward,
and for exercise; and the misses who have this favour are not a little
proud of it; and it brings them forward in their respective tasks.
A very good method, sir, said I. And just as we were talking, the chaise
came in with four misses, all pretty much of a size, and a maid-servant
to attend them. They were shewn another little neat apartment, that went
through ours; and made their honours very prettily, as they passed by us.
I went into the room to them, and asked them questions about their work,
and their lessons; and what they had done to deserve such a fine airing
and breakfasting; and they all answered me very prettily. And pray,
little ladies, said I, what may I call your names? One was called Miss
Burdoff, one Miss Nugent, one Miss Booth, and the fourth Miss Goodwin. I
don't know which, said I, is the prettiest; but you are all best, my
little dears; and you have a very good governess, to indulge you with
such a fine airing, and such delicate cream, and bread and butter. I
hope you think so too.
My master came in, and I had no mistrust in the world; and he kissed each
of them; but looked more wishfully on Miss Goodwin, than on any of the
others; but I thought nothing just then: Had she been called Miss
Godfrey, I had hit upon it in a trice.
When we went from them, he said, Which do you think the prettiest of
those misses? Really, sir, replied I, it is hard to say: Miss Booth is a
pretty brown girl, and has a fine eye; Miss Burdoff has a great deal of
sweetness in her countenance, but is not so regularly featured. Miss
Nugent is very fair: and Miss Goodwin has a fine black eye, and is,
besides, I think, the genteelest shaped child; but they are all pretty.
The maid led them into the garden, to shew them the beehives; and Miss
Goodwin made a particular fine courtesy to my master; and I said, I
believe miss knows you, sir; and, taking her by the hand, I said, Do you
know this gentleman, my pretty dear?--Yes, madam, said she; it is my own
dear uncle. I clasped her in my arms: O why did you not tell me, sir,
said I, that you had a niece among these little ladies? And I kissed
her, and away she tript after the others.
But pray, sir, said I, how can this be?--You have no sister nor brother,
but Lady Davers.--How can this be?
He smiled: and then I said, O my dearest sir, tell me now the truth, Does
not this pretty miss stand in a nearer relation to you, than as a niece?
--I know she does! I know she does! And I embraced him as he stood.
'Tis even so, my dear, replied he; and you remember my sister's good-
natured hint of Miss Sally Godfrey? I do well, sir, answered I. But
this is Miss Goodwin. Her mother chose that name for her, said he,
because she should not be called by her own.
Well, said I, excuse me, sir; I must go and have a little prattle with
her. I'll send for her in again, replied he; and in she came in a
moment. I took her in my arms, and said, O my charming dear! will you
love me?--Will you let me be your aunt? Yes, madam, answered she, with
all my heart! and I will love you dearly: But I mustn't love my uncle.
Why so? said he. Because, replied she, you would not speak to me at
first! And because you would not let me call you uncle (for it seems she
was bid not, that I might not guess at her presently): and yet, said the
pretty dear, I had not seen you a great while, so I hadn't.
Well, Pamela, said he, now can you allow me to love this little innocent?
Allow you, sir, replied I; you would be very barbarous, if you did not;
and I should be more so, if I did not further it all I could, and love
the little lamb myself, for your sake and for her own sake; and in
compassion to her poor mother, though unknown to me: And tears stood in
my eyes.
Said he, Why, my love, are your words so kind, and your countenance so
sad?--I drew to the window from the child; and said, Sad it is not, sir;
but I have a strange grief and pleasure mingled at once in my breast, on
this occasion. It is indeed a twofold grief, and a twofold pleasure.--As
how, my dear? said he. Why, sir, replied I, I cannot help being grieved
for the poor mother of this sweet babe, to think, if she be living, that
she must call her chiefest delight her shame: If she be no more, that she
must have had such remorse on her poor mind, when she came to leave the
world, and her little babe: And, in the second place, I grieve, that it
must be thought a kindness to the dear little soul, not to let her know
how near the dearest relation she has in the world is to her.--Forgive
me, dear sir, I say not this to reproach you, in the least. Indeed I
don't. And I have a twofold cause of joy; first, That I have had the
grace to escape the like unhappiness with this poor gentlewoman: and
next, That this discovery has given me an opportunity to shew the
sincerity of my grateful affection for you, sir, in the love I will
always express to this dear child.
And then I stept to her again, and kissed her; and said, Join with me, my
pretty love, to beg your dear uncle to let you come and live with your
new aunt: Indeed, my little precious, I'll love you dearly.
Will you, sir? said the little charmer; will you let me go and live with
my aunt?
You are very good, my Pamela, said he. And I have not once been deceived
in the hopes my fond heart has entertained of your prudence.--But will
you, sir? said I; will you grant me this favour? I shall most sincerely
love the little charmer; and all I am capable of doing for her, both by
example and affection, shall most cordially be done. My dearest sir,
added I, oblige me in this thing! I think already my heart is set upon
it! What a sweet employment and companionship shall I have!
We'll talk of this some other time, replied he; but I must, in prudence,
put some bounds to your amiable generosity. I had always intended to
surprise you into this discovery; but my sister led the way to it, out of
a poorness in her spite, that I could not brook: And though you have
pleased me beyond expression, in your behaviour on this occasion; yet I
can't say, that you have gone much beyond my expectations; for I have
such a high opinion of you, that I think nothing could have shaken it,
but a contrary conduct to this you have expressed on so tender a
circumstance.
Well, sir, said the dear little miss, then you will not let me go home
with my aunt, will you? I am sure she will love me. When you break up
next, my dear, said he, if you are a good girl, you shall pay your new
aunt a visit. She made a low courtesy. Thank you, sir, answered she.
Yes, my dear, said I, and I will get you some fine things against the
time. I would have brought you some now, had I known I should have seen
my pretty love. Thank you, madam, returned she.
How old, sir, said I, is miss? Between six and seven, answered he. Was
she ever, sir, said I, at your house? My sister, replied he, carried her
thither once, as a near relation of her lord's. I remember, sir, said I,
a little miss; and Mrs. Jervis and I took her to be a relation of Lord
Davers.
My sister, returned he, knew the whole secret from the beginning; and it
made her a great merit with me, that she kept it from the knowledge of my
father, who was then living, and of my mother, to her dying-day; though
she descended so low in her rage, to hint the matter to you.
The little misses took their leaves soon after: and I know not how, but I
am strangely affected with this dear child. I wish he would be so good
as to let me have her home. It would be a great pleasure to have such a
fine opportunity, obliged as I am, to shew my love for himself, in my
fondness for his dear miss.
As we came home together in the chariot, he gave me the following
particulars of this affair, additional to what he had before mentioned:
That this lady was of a good family, and the flower of it but that her
mother was a person of great art and address, and not altogether so nice
in the particular between himself and miss, as she ought to have been:
That, particularly, when she had reason to find him unsettled and wild,
and her daughter in more danger from him, than he was from her, yet she
encouraged their privacies; and even, at last, when she had reason to
apprehend, from their being surprised together, in a way not so
creditable to the lady, that she was far from forbidding their private
meetings; on the contrary, that, on a certain time, she had set one that
had formerly been her footman, and a half-pay officer, her relation, to
watch an opportunity, and to frighten him into a marriage with the lady:
That, accordingly, when they had surprised him in her chamber, just as he
had been let in, they drew their swords upon him, and threatened
instantly to kill him, if he did not promise marriage on the spot; and
that they had a parson ready below stairs, as he found afterwards: That
then he suspected, from some strong circumstances, that miss was in the
plot; which so enraged him, with their menaces together, that he drew,
and stood upon his defence; and was so much in earnest, that the man he
pushed into the arm, and disabled; and pressing pretty forward upon the
other, as he retreated, he rushed in upon him near the top of the stairs,
and pushed him down one pair, and he was much hurt by the fall: Not but
that, he said, he might have paid for his rashness; but that the business
of his antagonists was rather to frighten than to kill him: That, upon
this, in the sight of the old lady, the parson she had provided, and her
other daughters, he went out of their house, with bitter execrations
against them all.
That after this, designing to break off all correspondence with the whole
family, and miss too, she found means to engage him to give her a meeting
at Woodstock, in order to clear herself: That, poor lady! she was there
obliged, naughty creature as he was! to make herself quite guilty of a
worse fault, in order to clear herself of a lighter: That they afterwards
met at Godstow often, at Woodstock, and every neighbouring place to
Oxford, where he was then studying, as it proved, guilty lessons, instead
of improving ones; till, at last, the effect of their frequent interviews
grew too obvious to be concealed: That the young lady then, when she was
not fit to be seen, for the credit of the family, was confined, and all
manner of means were used, to induce him to marry her: That, finding
nothing would do, they at last resolved to complain to his father and
mother; but that he made his sister acquainted with the matter, who then
happened to be at home; and, by her management and spirit, their
intentions of that sort were frustrated; and, seeing no hopes, they
agreed to Lady Davers's proposals, and sent poor miss down to
Marlborough, where, at her expense, which he answered to her again, she
was provided for, and privately lay-in: That Lady Davers took upon
herself the care of the little one, till it came to be fit to be put to
the boarding-school, where it now is: And that he had settled upon the
dear little miss such a sum of money, as the interest of it would
handsomely provide for her: and the principal would be a tolerable
fortune, fit for a gentlewoman, when she came to be marriageable. And
this, my dear, said he, is the story in brief. And I do assure you,
Pamela, added he, I am far from making a boast of, or taking a pride in,
this affair: But since it has happened, I can't say but I wish the poor
child to live, and be happy; and I must endeavour to make her so.
Sir, said I, to be sure you should; and I shall take a very great pride
to contribute to the dear little soul's felicity, if you will permit me
to have her home.--But, added I, does miss know any thing who are her
father and mother? I wanted him to say if the poor lady was living or
dead.--No, answered he. Her governess has been told, by my sister, that
she is the daughter of a gentleman and his lady, who are related, at a
distance, to Lord Davers, and now live in Jamaica; and she calls me
uncle, only because I am the brother to Lady Davers, whom she calls aunt,
and who is very fond of her: as is also my lord, who knows the whole
matter; and they have her, at all her little school recesses, at their
house, and are very kind to her.
I believe, added he, the truth of the matter is very little known or
suspected; for, as her mother is of no mean family, her friends endeavour
to keep it secret, as much as I: and Lady Davers, till her wrath boiled
over, t'other day, has managed the matter very dexterously and kindly.
The words, mother is of no mean family, gave me not to doubt the poor
lady was living. And I said, But how, sir, can the dear miss's poor
mother be content to deny herself the enjoyment of so sweet a child? Ah,
Pamela, replied he, now you come in; I see you want to know what's become
of the poor mother. 'Tis natural enough you should; but I was willing to
see how the little suspense would operate upon you.--Dear sir, said I.--
Nay, replied he, 'tis very natural, my dear! I think you have had a
great deal of patience, and are come at this question so fairly that you
deserve to be answered.
You must know then, there is some foundation for saying, that her mother,
at least, lives in Jamaica; for there she does live, and very happily
too. For I must observe, that she suffered so much in child-bed, that
nobody expected her life; and this, when she was up, made such an
impression upon her, that she dreaded nothing so much as the thoughts of
returning to her former fault; and, to say the truth, I had intended to
make her a visit as soon as her month was well up. And so, unknown to
me, she engaged herself to go to Jamaica, with two young ladies, who were
born there; and were returning to their friends, after they had been four
years in England for their education: and, recommending to me, by a very
moving letter, her little baby, and that I would not suffer it to be
called by her name, but Goodwin, that her shame might be the less known,
for hers and her family's sake; she got her friends to assign her five
hundred pounds, in full of all her demands upon her family, and went up
to London, and embarked, with her companions, at Gravesend, and so sailed
to Jamaica; where she is since well and happily married, passing to her
husband for a young widow, with one daughter, which her husband's friends
take care of, and provide for. And so you see, Pamela, that in the whole
story on both sides, the truth is as much preserved as possible.
Poor lady! said I; how her story moves me! I am glad she is so happy at
last!--And, my dear, said he, are you not glad she is so far off too?--As
to that, sir, said I, I cannot be sorry, to be sure, as she is so happy;
which she could not have been here. For, sir, I doubt you would have
proceeded with your temptations, if she had not gone; and it shewed she
was much in earnest to be good, that she could leave her native country,
leave all her relations, leave you, whom she so well loved, leave her
dear baby, and try a new fortune, in a new world, among quite strangers,
and hazard the seas; and all to preserve herself from further guiltiness!
Indeed, indeed, sir, said I, I bleed for what her distresses must be, in
this case I am grieved for her poor mind's remorse, through her childbed
terrors, which could have so great and so worthy an effect upon her
afterwards; and I honour her resolution; and would rank such a returning
dear lady in the class of those who are most virtuous; and doubt not God
Almighty's mercy to her; and that her present happiness is the result of
his gracious providence, blessing her penitence and reformation.--But,
sir, said I, did you not once see the poor lady after her lying-in?
I did not believe her so much in earnest, answered he; and I went down to
Marlborough, and heard she was gone from thence to Calne. I went to
Calne, and heard she was gone to Reading, to a relation's there. Thither
I went, and heard she was gone to Oxford. I followed; and there she was;
but I could not see her.
She at last received a letter from me, begging a meeting with her; for I
found her departure with the ladies was resolved on, and that she was
with her friends, only to take leave of them, and receive her agreed on
portion: And she appointed the Saturday following, and that was
Wednesday, to give me a meeting at the old place, at Woodstock.
Then, added he, I thought I was sure of her, and doubted not I should
spoil her intended voyage. I set out on Thursday to Gloucester, on a
party of pleasure; and on Saturday I went to the place appointed, at
Woodstock: But when I came thither, I found a letter instead of my lady;
and when I opened it, it was to beg my pardon for deceiving me;
expressing her concern for her past fault; her affection for me; and the
apprehension she had, that she should be unable to keep her good
resolves, if she met me: that she had set out on the Thursday for her
embarkation; for that she feared nothing else could save her; and had
appointed this meeting on Saturday, at the place of her former guilt,
that I might be suitably impressed upon the occasion, and pity and allow
for her; and that she might get three or four days start of me, and be
quite out of my reach. She recommended again, as upon the spot where the
poor little one owed its being, my tenderness to it, for her sake; and
that was all she had to request of me, she said; but would not forget to
pray for me in all her own dangers, and in every difficulty she was going
to encounter.
I wept at this moving tale. And did not this make a deep impression upon
you, sir? said I. Surely such an affecting lesson as this, on the very
guilty spot too, (I admire the dear lady's pious contrivance!) must have
had a great effect upon you. One would have thought, sir, it was enough
to reclaim you for ever! All your naughty purposes, I make no doubt,
were quite changed?
Why, my dear, said he, I was much moved, you may be sure, when I came to
reflect: But, at first, I was so assured of being a successful tempter,
and spoiling her voyage, that I was vexed, and much out of humour; but
when I came to reflect, as I said, I was quite overcome with this
instance of her prudence, her penitence, and her resolution; and more
admired her than I ever had done. Yet I could not bear she should so
escape me neither; so much overcome me, as it were, in an heroical
bravery; and I hastened away, and got a bill of credit of Lord Davers,
upon his banker in London, for five hundred pounds; and set out for that
place, having called at Oxford, and got what light I could, as to where I
might hear of her there.
When I arrived in town, which was not till Monday morning, I went to a
place called Crosby-square, where the friends of the two ladies lived.
She had set out in the flying-coach on Tuesday; got to the two ladies
that very night; and, on Saturday, had set out with them for Gravesend,
much about the time I was expecting her at Woodstock.
You may suppose that I was much affected, my dear, with this. However, I
got my bill of credit converted into money; and I set out with my servant
on Monday afternoon, and reached Gravesend that night; and there I
understood that she and the two ladies had gone on board from the very
inn I put up at, in the morning; and the ship waited only for the wind,
which then was turning about in its favour.
I got a boat directly, and went on board the ship, and asked for Mrs.
Godfrey. But judge you, my dear Pamela, her surprise and confusion, when
she saw me! She had like to have fainted away. I offered any money to
put off the sailing till next day, but it would not be complied with; and
fain would I have got her on shore, and promised to attend her, if she
would go over land, to any part of England the ship would touch at. But
she was immovable.
Every one concluded me her humble servant, and were touched at the moving
interview; the young ladies, and their female attendants, especially.
With great difficulty, upon my solemn assurances of honour, she trusted
herself with me in one of the cabins; and there I tried, what I could, to
prevail upon her to quit her purpose; but all in vain: She said, I had
made her quite unhappy by this interview! She had difficulties enough
upon her mind before; but now I had embittered all her voyage, and given
her the deepest distress.
I could prevail upon her but for one favour, and that with the greatest
reluctance; which was, to accept of the five hundred pounds, as a present
from me; and she promised, at my earnest desire, to draw upon me for a
greater sum, as a person that had her effects in my hands, when she
arrived, if she should find it convenient for her. In short, this was
all the favour I could procure; for she would not promise so much as to
correspond with me, and was determined on going: and, I believe, if I
would have married her, which yet I had not in my head, she would not
have deviated from her purpose.
But how, sir, said I, did you part? I would have sailed with her,
answered he, and been landed at the first port in England or Ireland, I
cared not which, they should put in at; but she was too full of
apprehensions to admit it; And the rough fellow of a master, captain they
called him, (but, in my mind, I could have thrown him overboard,) would
not stay a moment, the wind and tide being quite fair; and was very
urgent with me to go a-shore, or to go the voyage; and being impetuous in
my temper, (spoiled, you know, my dear, by my mother,) and not used to
control, I thought it very strange that wind or tide, or any thing else,
should be preferred to me and my money: But so it was; I was forced to
go; and so took leave of the ladies, and the other passengers; wished
them a good voyage; gave five guineas among the ship's crew, to be good
to the ladies, and took such a leave as you may better imagine than I
express. She recommended once more to me, the dear guest, as she called
her, the ladies being present; and thanked me for all these instances of
my regard, which, she said, would leave a strong impression on her mind;
and, at parting, she threw her arms about my neck, and we took such a
leave, as affected every one present, men, as well as ladies.
So, with a truly heavy heart, I went down the ship's side to my boat; and
stood up in it, looking at her, as long as I could see her, and she at
me, with her handkerchief at her eyes; and then I gazed at the ship,
till, and after I had landed, as long as I could discern the least
appearance of it; for she was under sail, in a manner, when I left her;
and so I returned highly disturbed to my inn.
I went to bed, but rested not; returned to London the next morning; and
set out that afternoon again for the country. And so much, my dear, for
poor Sally Godfrey.--She sends, I understand, by all opportunities, with
the knowledge of her husband, to learn how her child, by her first
husband, does; and has the satisfaction to know she is happily provided
for. And, about half a year ago, her spouse sent a little negro boy, of
about ten years old, as a present, to wait upon her. But he was taken
ill of the small-pox, and died in a month after he was landed.
Sure, sir, said I, your generous mind must have been long affected with
this melancholy case, and all its circumstances.
It hung upon me, indeed, some time, said he; but I was full of spirit and
inconsideration. I went soon after to travel; a hundred new objects
danced before my eyes, and kept reflection from me. And, you see, I had
five or six years afterwards, and even before that, so thoroughly lost
all the impressions you talk of, that I doubted not to make my Pamela
change her name, without either act of parliament, or wedlock, and be
Sally Godfrey the second.
O you dear naughty man! said I, this seems but too true! but I bless God
that it is not so!--I bless God for your reformation, and that for your
own dear sake, as well as mine!
Well, my dear, said he, and I bless God for it too!--I do most
sincerely!--And 'tis my greater pleasure, because I have, as I hoped,
seen my error so early; and that with such a stock of youth and health on
my side, in all appearance, I can truly abhor my past liberties, and pity
poor Sally Godfrey, from the same motives that I admire my Pamela's
virtues; and resolve to make myself as worthy of them as possible: And I
will hope, my dear, your prayers for my pardon, and my perseverance, will
be of no small efficacy on this occasion.
These agreeable reflections, on this melancholy but instructive story,
brought us in view of his own house; and we alighted, and took a walk in
the garden till dinner was ready. And now we are so busy about making
ready for our appearance, that I shall hardly have time to write till
that be over.
Monday morning.
Yesterday we set out, attended by John, Abraham, Benjamin, and Isaac, in
fine new liveries, in the best chariot, which had been new cleaned, and
lined, and new harnessed; so that it looked like a quite new one. But I
had no arms to quarter with my dear lord and master's; though he
jocularly, upon my taking notice of my obscurity, said, that he had a
good mind to have the olive-branch, which would allude to his hopes,
quartered for mine. I was dressed in the suit I mentioned, of white
flowered with silver, and a rich head-dress, and the diamond necklace,
ear-rings, etc. I also mentioned before: And my dear sir, in a fine laced
silk waistcoat, of blue paduasoy, and his coat a pearl-coloured fine
cloth, with gold buttons and button-holes, and lined with white silk; and
he looked charmingly indeed. I said, I was too fine, and would have laid
aside some of the jewels; but he said, It would be thought a slight to me
from him, as his wife; and though as I apprehended, it might be, that
people would talk as it was, yet he had rather they should say any thing,
than that I was not put upon an equal footing, as his wife, with any lady
he might have married.
It seems the neighbouring gentry had expected us; and there was a great
congregation; for (against my wish) we were a little of the latest; so
that, as we walked up the church to his seat, we had abundance of gazers
and whisperers: But my dear master behaved with so intrepid an air, and
was so cheerful and complaisant to me, that he did credit to his kind
choice, instead of shewing as if he was ashamed of it: And as I was
resolved to busy my mind entirely with the duties of the day, my
intentness on that occasion, and my thankfulness to God, for his
unspeakable mercies to me, so took up my thoughts, that I was much less
concerned, than I should otherwise have been, at the gazings and
whisperings of the ladies and gentlemen, as well as of the rest of the
congregation, whose eyes were all turned to our seat.
When the sermon was ended, we staid the longer, because the church should
be pretty empty; but we found great numbers at the church-doors, and in
the church-porch; and I had the pleasure of hearing many commendations,
as well of my person, as my dress and behaviour, and not one reflection,
or mark of disrespect. Mr. Martin, who is single, Mr. Chambers, Mr.
Arthur, and Mr. Brooks, with their families, were all there: And the four
gentlemen came up to us, before we went into the chariot, and, in a very
kind and respectful manner, complimented us both: and Mrs. Arthur and
Mrs. Brooks were so kind as to wish me joy; and Mrs. Brooks said, You
sent Mr. Brooks, madam, home t'other day, quite charmed with a manner,
which, you have convinced a thousand persons this day, is natural to you.
You do me great honour, madam, replied I. Such a good lady's approbation
must make me too sensible of my happiness. My dear master handed me into
the chariot, and stood talking with Sir Thomas Atkyns, at the door of it,
(who was making him abundance of compliments, and is a very ceremonious
gentleman, a little too extreme in that way,) and, I believe, to
familiarize me to the gazers, which concerned me a little; for I was
dashed to hear the praises of the countrypeople, and to see how they
crowded about the chariot. Several poor people begged my charity, and I
beckoned John with my fan, and said, Divide in the further church-porch,
that money to the poor, and let them come to-morrow morning to me, and I
will give them something more, if they don't importune me now. So I gave
him all the silver I had, which happened to be between twenty and thirty
shillings; and this drew away from me their clamorous prayers for
charity.
Mr. Martin came up to me on the other side of the chariot, and leaned on
the very door, while my master was talking to Sir Thomas, from whom he
could not get away; and said, By all that's good, you have charmed the
whole congregation! Not a soul but is full of your praises! My
neighbour knew, better than any body could tell him, how to choose for
himself. Why, said he, the dean himself looked more upon you than his
book.
O sir, said I, you are very encouraging to a weak mind! I vow, said he,
I say no more than is truth: I'd marry to-morrow, if I was sure of
meeting with a person of but one-half the merit you have. You are,
continued he, and 'tis not my way to praise too much, an ornament to your
sex, an honour to your spouse, and a credit to religion.--Every body is
saying so, added he; for you have, by your piety, edified the whole
church.
As he had done speaking, the dean himself complimented me, that the
behaviour of so worthy a lady, would be very edifying to his
congregation, and encouraging to himself. Sir, said I, you are very
kind: I hope I shall not behave unworthy of the good instructions I shall
have the pleasure to receive from so worthy a divine. He bowed, and went
on.
Sir Thomas then applied to me, my master stepping into the chariot, and
said, I beg pardon, madam, for detaining your good spouse from you: but I
have been saying, he is the happiest man in the world. I bowed to him,
but I could have wished him further, to make me sit so in the notice of
every one; which, for all I could do, dashed me not a little. Mr. Martin
said to my master, If you'll come to church every Sunday with your
charming lady, I will never absent myself, and she'll give a good example
to all the neighbourhood. O, my dear sir! said I to my master, you know
not how much I am obliged to good Mr. Martin! He has, by his kind
expressions, made me dare to look up with pleasure and gratitude.
Said my master, My dear love, I am very much obliged, as well as you, to
my good friend Mr. Martin. And he said to him, We will constantly go to
church, and to every other place, where we can have the pleasure of
seeing Mr. Martin.
Mr. Martin said, Gad, sir, you are a happy man; and I think your lady's
example has made you more polite and handsome too, than I ever knew you
before, though we never thought you unpolite, neither. And so he bowed,
and went to his own chariot; and, as we drove away, the people kindly
blessed us, and called us a charming pair.
As I have no other pride, I hope, in repeating these things, than in the
countenance the general approbation gives to my dear master, for his
stooping so low, you will excuse me for it, I know.
In the afternoon we went again to church, and a little early, at my
request; but the church was quite full, and soon after even crowded; so
much does novelty (the more's the pity!) attract the eyes of mankind.
Mr. Martin came in after us, and made up to our seat; and said, If you
please, my dear friend, I will take my seat with you this afternoon.
With all my heart, said my master. I was sorry for it; but was resolved
my duty should not be made second to bashfulness, or any other
consideration; and when divine service began, I withdrew to the farther
end of the pew, and left the gentlemen in the front, and they behaved
quite suitably, both of them, to the occasion. I mention this the
rather, because Mr. Martin was not very noted for coming to church, or
attention when there, before.
The dean preached again, which he was not used to do, out of compliment
to us; and an excellent sermon he made on the relative duties of
Christianity: And it took my particular attention; for he made many fine
observations on the subject. Mr. Martin addressed himself twice or
thrice to me, during the sermon; but he saw me so wholly engrossed with
hearkening to the good preacher, that he forbore interrupting me; yet I
took care, according to the lessons formerly given me, to observe to him
a cheerful and obliging behaviour, as one of Mr. B----'s friends and
intimates. My master asked him to give him his company to supper; and he
said, I am so taken with your lady, that you must not give me too much
encouragement; for I shall be always with you, if you do. He was pleased
to say, You cannot favour us with too much of your company; and as I have
left you in the lurch in your single state, I think you will do well to
oblige us as much as you can; and who knows but my happiness may reform
another rake? Who knows? said Mr. Martin: Why, I know; for I am more
than half reformed already.
At the chariot door, Mrs. Arthur, Mrs. Brooks, and Mrs. Chambers, were
brought to me, by their respective spouses; and presently the witty Lady
Towers, who bantered me before, (as I once told you,) joined them; and
Mrs. Arthur said, she wished me joy; and that all the good ladies, my
neighbours, would collect themselves together, and make me a visit.
This, said I, will be an honour, madam, that I can never enough
acknowledge. It will be very kind so to countenance a person who will
always study to deserve your favour, by the most respectful behaviour.
Lady Towers said, My dear neighbour, you want no countenance; your own
merit is sufficient. I had a slight cold, that kept me at home in the
morning; but I heard you so much talked of, and praised, that I resolved
not to stay away in the afternoon; and I join in the joy every one gives
you. She turned to my master, and said, You are a sly thief, as I always
thought you. Where have you stolen this lady? And now, how barbarous is
it, thus unawares, in a manner, to bring her here upon us, to mortify and
eclipse us all?--You are very kind, madam, said he, that you and all my
worthy neighbours see with my eyes. But had I not known she had so much
excellency of mind and behaviour, as would strike every body in her
favour at first sight, I should not have dared to class her with such of
my worthy neighbours, as now so kindly congratulate us both.
I own, said she, softly, I was one of your censurers; but I never liked
you so well in my life, as for this action, now I see how capable your
bride is of giving distinction to any condition.--And, coming to me, My
dear neighbour, said she, excuse me for having but in my thought, the
remembrance that I have seen you formerly, when, by your sweet air and
easy deportment, you so much surpass us all, and give credit to your
present happy condition.
Dear good madam, said I, how shall I suitably return my acknowledgments!
But it will never be a pain to me to look back upon my former days, now I
have the kind allowance and example of so many worthy ladies to support
me in the honours to which the most generous of men has raised me.
Sweetly said! she was pleased to say. If I was in another place, I would
kiss you for that answer. Oh! happy, happy Mr. B----! said she to my
master; what reputation have you not brought upon your judgment! I won't
be long before I see you, added she, I'll assure you, if I come by
myself. That shall be your own fault, madam, said Mrs. Brooks.
And so they took leave; and I gave my hand to my dear master, and said,
How happy have you made me, generous sir!--And the dean, who had just
come up, heard me, and said, And how happy you have made your spouse,
I'll venture to pronounce, is hard to say, from what I observe of you
both. I courtesied, and blushed, not thinking any body heard me. And my
master telling him he should be glad of the honour of a visit from him;
he said, He would pay his respects to us the first opportunity, and bring
his wife and daughter to attend me. I said, That was doubly kind; and I
should be very proud of cultivating so worthy an acquaintance. I thanked
him for his kind discourse; and he thanked me for my attention, which he
called exemplary: and so my dear master handed me into the chariot; and
we were carried home, both happy, and both pleased, thank God.
Mr. Martin came in the evening, with another gentleman, his friend, one
Mr. Dormer; and he entertained us with the favourable opinion, he said,
every one had of me, and of the choice my good benefactor had made.
This morning the poor came, according to my invitation; and I sent them
away with glad hearts to the number of twenty-five. There were not above
twelve or fourteen on Sunday, that John divided the silver among, which I
gave him for that purpose; but others got hold of the matter, and made up
to the above number.
Tuesday.
My generous master has given me, this morning, a most considerate, but
yet, from the nature of it, melancholy instance of his great regard for
my unworthiness, which I never could have wished, hoped for, or even
thought of.
He took a walk with me, after breakfast, into the garden; and a little
shower falling, he led me, for shelter, into the little summer-house, in
the private garden, where he formerly gave me apprehensions; and, sitting
down by me, he said, I have now finished all that lies on my mind, my
dear, and am very easy: For have you not wondered, that I have so much
employed myself in my library? Been so much at home, and yet not in your
company?--No, sir, said I; I have never been so impertinent as to wonder
at any thing you please to employ yourself about; nor would give way to a
curiosity that should be troublesome to you: And, besides, I know your
large possessions; and the method you take of looking yourself into your
affairs, must needs take up so much of your time, that I ought to be very
careful how I intrude upon you.
Well, said he, but I'll tell you what has been my last work I have taken
it into my consideration, that, at present, my line is almost extinct;
and that the chief part of my maternal estate, in case I die without
issue, will go to another line, and great part of my personal will fall
into such hands, as I shall not care my Pamela should he at the mercy of.
I have, therefore, as human life is uncertain, made such a disposition of
my affairs, as will make you absolutely independent and happy; as will
secure to you the power of doing a great deal of good, and living as a
person ought to do, who is my relict; and shall put it out of any body's
power to molest your father and mother, in the provision I design them,
for the remainder of their days: And I have finished all this very
morning, except to naming trustees for you; and if you have any body you
would confide in more than another, I would have you speak.
I was so touched with this mournful instance of his excessive goodness to
me, and the thoughts necessarily flowing from the solemn occasion, that I
was unable to speak; and at last relieved my mind by a violent fit of
weeping; and could only say, clasping my arms around the dear generous
man, How shall I support this! So very cruel, yet so very kind!
Don't, my dear, said he, be concerned at what gives me pleasure. I am
not the nearer my end, for having made this disposition; but I think the
putting off these material points, when so many accidents every day
happen, and life is so precarious, is one of the most inexcusable things
in the world. And there are many important points to be thought of, when
life is drawing to its utmost verge; and the mind may be so agitated and
unfit, that it is a most sad thing to put off, to that time, any of those
concerns, which more especially require a considerate and composed frame
of temper, and perfect health and vigour, to give directions about. My
poor friend, Mr. Carlton, who died in my arms so lately; and had a mind
disturbed by worldly considerations on one side; a weakness of body,
through the violence of his distemper, on another; and the concerns of
still as much more moment, as the soul is to the body, on a third; made
so great an impression upon me then, that I was the more impatient to
come to this house, where were most of my writings, in order to make the
disposition I have now perfected: And since it is grievous to my dear
girl, I will myself think of such trustees as shall be most for her
benefit. I have only, therefore, to assure you, my dear, that in this
instance, as I will do in any other I can think of, I have studied to
make you quite easy, free, and independent. And because I shall avoid
all occasions, for the future, which may discompose you, I have but one
request to make; which is, that if it please God, for my sins, to
separate me from my dearest Pamela, you will only resolve not to marry
one person; for I would not be such a Herod, as to restrain you from a
change of condition with any other, however reluctantly I may think of
any other person's succeeding me in your esteem.
I could not answer, and thought my heart would have burst: And he
continued, To conclude at once a subject that is so grievous to you, I
will tell you, my Pamela, that this person is Mr. Williams. And now I
will acquaint you with my motive for this request; which is wholly owing
to my niceness, and to no dislike I have for him, or apprehension of any
likelihood that it will be so: but, methinks it would reflect a little
upon my Pamela, if she was to give way to such a conduct, as if she had
married a man for his estate, when she had rather have had another, had
it not been for that; and that now, the world will say, she is at liberty
to pursue her inclination, the parson is the man!--And I cannot bear even
the most distant apprehension, that I had not the preference with you, of
any man living, let me have been what I would, as I have shewn my dear
life, that I have preferred her to all her sex, of whatever degree.
I could not speak, might I have had the world; and he took me in his
arms, and said, I have now spoken all my mind, and expect no answer; and
I see you too much moved to give me one. Only forgive me the mention,
since I have told you my motive; which as much affects your reputation,
as my niceness; and offer not at an answer;--only say, you forgive me:
And I hope I have not one discomposing thing to say to my dearest, for
the rest of my life; which I pray God, for both our sakes, to lengthen
for many happy years.
Grief still choaked up the passage of my words; and he said, The shower
is over, my dear: let us walk out again.--He led me out, and I would have
spoken; but he said, I will not hear my dear creature say any thing! To
hearken to your assurance of complying with my request, would look as if
I doubted you, and wanted it. I am confident I needed only to speak my
mind, to be observed by you; and I shall never more think on the subject,
if you don't remind me of it. He then most sweetly changed the
discourse.
Don't you with pleasure, my dear, said he, take in the delightful
fragrance that this sweet shower has given to these banks of flowers?
Your presence is so enlivening to me, that I could almost fancy, that
what we owe to the shower, is owing to that: And all nature, methinks,
blooms around me when I have my Pamela by my side. You are a poetess, my
dear; and I will give you a few lines, that I made myself on such an
occasion as this I am speaking of, the presence of a sweet companion, and
the fresh verdure, that, after a shower, succeeding a long drought,
shewed itself throughout all vegetable nature. And then, in a sweet and
easy accent, (with his dear arms about me as we walked,) he sung me the
following verses; of which he afterwards favoured me with a copy:
I.
All nature blooms when you appear;
The fields their richest liv'ries wear;
Oaks, elms, and pines, blest with your view,
Shoot out fresh greens, and bud anew.
The varying seasons you supply;
And, when you're gone, they fade and die.
II.
Sweet Philomel, in mournful strains,
To you appeals, to you complains.
The tow'ring lark, on rising wing,
Warbles to you, your praise does sing;
He cuts the yielding air, and flies
To heav'n, to type your future joys.
III.
The purple violet, damask rose,
Each, to delight your senses, blows.
The lilies ope', as you appear;
And all the beauties of the year
Diffuse their odours at your feet,
Who give to ev'ry flow'r its sweet.
IV.
For flow'rs and women are allied;
Both, nature's glory, and her pride!
Of ev'ry fragrant sweet possest,
They bloom but for the fair one's breast,
And to the swelling bosom borne,
Each other mutually adorn.
Thus sweetly did he palliate the woes, which the generosity of his
actions, mixed with the solemness of the occasion, and the strange
request he had vouchsafed to make me, had occasioned. And all he would
permit me to say, was, that I was not displeased with him!--Displeased
with you, dearest sir! said I: Let me thus testify my obligations, and
the force all your commands shall have upon me. And I took the liberty
to clasp my arms about his neck, and kissed him.
But yet my mind was pained at times, and has been to this hour.--God
grant that I may never see the dreadful moment, that shall shut up the
precious life of this excellent, generous benefactor of mine! And--but I
cannot bear to suppose--I cannot say more on such a deep subject.
Oh! what a poor thing is human life in its best enjoyments! subjected to
imaginary evils, when it has no real ones to disturb it; and that can be
made as effectually unhappy by its apprehensions of remote contingencies,
as if it was struggling with the pangs of a present distress! This, duly
reflected upon, methinks, should convince every one, that this world is
not a place for the immortal mind to be confined to; and that there must
be an hereafter, where the whole soul shall be satisfied.
But I shall get out of my depth; my shallow mind cannot comprehend, as it
ought, these weighty subjects: Let me only therefore pray, that, after
having made a grateful use of God's mercies here, I may, with my dear
benefactor, rejoice in that happy state, where is no mixture, no
unsatisfiedness; and where all is joy, and peace, and love, for evermore!
I said, when we sat at supper, The charming taste you gave me, sir, of
your poetical fancy, makes me sure you have more favours of this kind to
delight me with, if you please; and may I beg to be indulged on this
agreeable head? Hitherto, said he, my life has been too much a life of
gayety and action, to be busied so innocently. Some little essays I have
now and then attempted; but very few have I completed. Indeed I had not
patience nor attention enough to hold me long to any one thing. Now and
then, perhaps, I may occasionally shew you what I have essayed. But I
never could please myself in this way.
Friday.
We were yesterday favoured with the company of almost all the
neighbouring gentlemen and their ladies, who, by appointment with one
another, met to congratulate our happiness. Nothing could be more
obliging, more free and affectionate, than the ladies; nothing more
polite than the gentlemen. All was performed (for they came to supper)
with decency and order, and much to every one's satisfaction; which was
principally owing to good Mrs. Jervis's care and skill; who is an
excellent manager.
For my part, I was dressed out only to be admired, as it seems: and
truly, if I had not known, that I did not make myself, as you, my dear
father, once hinted to me, and if I had had the vanity to think as well
of myself, as the good company was pleased to do, I might possibly have
been proud. But I know, as my Lady Davers said, though in anger, yet in
truth, that I am but a poor bit of painted dirt. All that I value myself
upon, is, that God has raised me to a condition to be useful, in my
generation, to better persons than myself. This is my pride: And I hope
this will be all my pride. For what was I of myself!--All the good I can
do, is but a poor third-hand good; for my dearest master himself is but
the second-hand. God, the all-gracious, the all-good, the all-bountiful,
the all-mighty, the all-merciful God, is the first: To him, therefore, be
all the glory!
As I expect the happiness, the unspeakable happiness, my ever-dear and
ever-honoured father and mother, of enjoying you both here, under this
roof, so soon, (and pray let it be as soon as you can,) I will not enter
into the particulars of the last agreeable evening: For I shall have a
thousand things, as well as that, to talk to you upon. I fear you will
be tired with my prattle when I see you!
I am to return these visits singly; and there were eight ladies here of
different families. Dear heart! I shall find enough to do!--I doubt my
time will not be so well filled up, as I once promised my dear master!--
But he is pleased, cheerful, kind, affectionate! O what a happy creature
am I!--May I be always thankful to God, and grateful to him!
When all these tumultuous visitings are over, I shall have my mind, I
hope, subside into a family calm, that I may make myself a little useful
to the household of my dear master; or else I shall be an unprofitable
servant indeed!
Lady Davers sent this morning her compliments to us both, very
affectionately; and her lord's good wishes and congratulations: and she
desired my writings per bearer; and says, she will herself bring them to
me again, with thanks, as soon as she has read them; and she and her lord
will come and be my guests (that was her particularly kind word) for a
fortnight.
I have now but one thing to wish for; and then, methinks, I shall be all
ecstasy: and that is, your presence, both of you, and your blessings;
which I hope you will bestow upon me every morning and night, till you
are settled in the happy manner my dear Mr. B---- has intended.
Methinks I want sadly your list of the honest and worthy poor; for the
money lies by me, and brings me no interest. You see I am become a mere
usurer; and want to make use upon use: and yet, when I have done all, I
cannot do so much as I ought. God forgive my imperfections!
I tell my dear spouse, I want another dairy-house visit. To be sure, if
he won't, at present, permit it, I shall, if it please God to spare us,
tease him like any over-indulged wife, if, as the dear charmer grows
older, he won't let me have the pleasure of forming her tender mind, as
well as I am able; lest, poor little soul, she fall into such snares, as
her unhappy dear mother fell into. I am providing a power of pretty
things for her, against I see her next, that I may make her love me, if
I can.
Just now I have the blessed news, that you will set out for this happy
house on Tuesday morning. The chariot shall be with you without fail.
God give us a happy meeting! O how I long for it! Forgive your
impatient daughter, who sends this to amuse you on your journey; and
desires to be Ever most dutifully yours.
Here end, at present, the letters of Pamela to her father and mother.
They arrived at their daughter's house on Tuesday evening in the
following week, and were received by her with the utmost joy and duty;
and with great goodness and complaisance by Mr. B----. And having
resided there till every thing was put in order for them at the Kentish
estate, they were carried down thither by himself, and their daughter,
and put into possession of the pretty farm he had designed for them.
The reader will here indulge us in a few brief observations, which
naturally result from the story and characters; and which will serve as
so many applications of its most material incidents to the minds of YOUTH
of BOTH SEXES.
First, then, in the character of the GENTLEMAN, may be seen that of a
fashionable libertine, who allowed himself in the free indulgence of his
passions, especially to the fair sex; and found himself supported in his
daring attempts, by an affluent fortune in possession, a personal
bravery, as it is called, readier to give than take offence, and an
imperious will: yet as he betimes sees his errors, and reforms in the
bloom of youth, an edifying lesson may be drawn from it, for the use of
such as are born to large fortunes; and who may be taught, by his
example, the inexpressible difference between the hazards and remorse
which attend a profligate course of life, and the pleasures which flow
from virtuous love, and benevolent actions.
In the character of Lady DAVERS, let the proud, and the high-born, see
the deformity of unreasonable passion, and how weak and ridiculous such
persons must appear, who suffer themselves, as is usually the case, to be
hurried from the height of violence, to the most abject submission; and
subject themselves to be outdone by the humble virtue they so much
despise.
Let good CLERGYMEN, in Mr. WILLIAMS, see, that whatever displeasure the
doing of their duty may give, for a time, to their proud patrons,
Providence will, at last, reward their piety, and turn their distresses
to triumph; and make them even more valued for a conduct that gave
offence while the violence of passion lasted, than if they had meanly
stooped to flatter or soothe the vices of the great.
In the examples of good old ANDREWS and his WIFE, let those, who are
reduced to a low estate, see, that Providence never fails to reward their
honesty and integrity: and that God will, in his own good time, extricate
them, by means unforeseen, out of their present difficulties, and reward
them with benefits unhoped for.
The UPPER SERVANTS of great families may, from the odious character of
Mrs. JEWKES, and the amiable ones of Mrs. JERVIS, Mr. LONGMAN, etc. learn
what to avoid, and what to choose, to make themselves valued and esteemed
by all who know them.
And, from the double conduct of poor JOHN, the LOWER SERVANTS may learn
fidelity, and how to distinguish between the lawful and unlawful commands
of a superior.
The poor deluded female, who, like the once unhappy Miss GODFREY, has
given up her honour, and yielded to the allurements of her designing
lover, may learn from her story, to stop at the first fault; and, by
resolving to repent and amend, see the pardon and blessing which await
her penitence, and a kind Providence ready to extend the arms of its
mercy to receive and reward her returning duty: While the prostitute,
pursuing the wicked courses, into which, perhaps, she was at first
inadvertently drawn, hurries herself into filthy diseases, and an
untimely death; and, too probably, into everlasting perdition.
Let the desponding heart be comforted by the happy issue which the
troubles and trials of PAMELA met with, when they see, in her case, that
no danger nor distress, however inevitable, or deep to their
apprehensions, can be out of the power of Providence to obviate or
relieve; and which, as in various instances in her story, can turn the
most seemingly grievous things to its own glory, and the reward of
suffering innocence; and that too, at a time when all human prospects
seem to fail.
Let the rich, and those who are exalted from a low to a high estate,
learn from her, that they are not promoted only for a single good; but
that Providence has raised them, that they should dispense to all within
their reach, the blessings it has heaped upon them; and that the greater
the power is to which God hath raised them, the greater is the good that
will be expected from them.
From the low opinion she every where shews of herself, and her
attributing all her excellencies to pious education, and her lady's
virtuous instructions and bounty; let persons, even of genius and piety,
learn not to arrogate to themselves those gifts and graces, which they
owe least of all to themselves: Since the beauties of person are frail;
and it is not in our power to give them to ourselves, or to be either
prudent, wise, or good, without the assistance of divine grace.
From the same good example, let children see what a blessing awaits their
duty to their parents, though ever so low in the world; and that the only
disgrace, is to be dishonest; but none at all to be poor.
From the economy she purposes to observe in her elevation, let even
ladies of condition learn, that there are family employments, in which
they may and ought to make themselves useful, and give good examples to
their inferiors, as well as equals: and that their duty to God, charity
to the poor and sick, and the different branches of household management,
ought to take up the most considerable portions of their time.
From her signal veracity, which she never forfeited, in all the hardships
she was tried with, though her answers, as she had reason to apprehend,
would often make against her; and the innocence she preserved throughout
all her stratagems and contrivances to save herself from violation:
Persons, even sorely tempted, may learn to preserve a sacred regard to
truth; which always begets a reverence for them, even in the corruptest
minds.
In short,
Her obliging behaviour to her equals, before her exaltation; her
kindness to them afterwards; her forgiving spirit, and her
generosity;
Her meekness, in every circumstance where her virtue was not
concerned;
Her charitable allowances for others, as in the case of Miss
Godfrey, for faults she would not have forgiven in herself;
Her kindness and prudence to the offspring of that melancholy
adventure;
Her maiden and bridal purity, which extended as well to her
thoughts as to her words and actions;
Her signal affiance in God;
Her thankful spirit;
Her grateful heart;
Her diffusive charity to the poor, which made her blessed
by them whenever she appeared abroad;
The cheerful ease and freedom of her deportment;
Her parental, conjugal, and maternal duty;
Her social virtues;
Are all so many signal instances of the excellency of her mind, which may
make her character worthy of the imitation of her sex. And the Editor of
these sheets will have his end, if it inspires a laudable emulation in
the minds of any worthy persons, who may thereby entitle themselves to
the rewards, the praises, and the blessings, by which PAMELA was so
deservedly distinguished.
THE END
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